* Posts by Fizzle

59 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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US Customs sued for information about border phone searches

Fizzle
Pint

Re: Plausible deniability

I remember visiting Moscow in the mid 1970s when I visited Red Square. A beautiful place with a fantastic if somewhat elaborate cathedral (St Basil's).

Anyway I was sauntering towards it and had my Practica 35mm camera (good East German make) ready for a few quick snaps when I noticed a guy in a grey raincoat standing quite close by, watching me. I realised I had seen him before at my hotel and suddenly had a mild panic attack that I was being "monitored" by the KGB or summat.

I went over to him and asked him if it was OK for me to take pictures here, that I was a budding architect and I wanted to study buildings for reference (I particularly like Ecclesiastical architecture). He spoke most polite English and took it upon himself to show me the best places to film and gave me a fascinating insight into Russian life.

How annoying therefore that I have spent most of my life (well since Sept 11th 2001) fighting with English and US authorities to take innocuous pictures such as Canary Wharf or in Times Square!

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Virgin Media suspends 4 staff over misreporting connections

Fizzle

Well...hardly ever!

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Uber loses court fight over London drivers' English language tests

Fizzle
Holmes

And other English-speakers too

Quite right too!

Mind you, whilst in New York recently, I thought the cabbies there should also learn to speak English!

Yes I'm sorry American readers, but they can be somewhat incomprehensible sometimes!

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1

European Space Agency slaps CC licences on its pics and vids

Fizzle
Alien

Now the evidence of alien life has been airbrushed out..

..at last we can see the rest of the images.

Just waiting for NASA to do the same.

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Commissioner kisses Met goodbye, says it's set to be 'best digital police force'

Fizzle
FAIL

Hogan-Howe has to be the worst bod in charge since the force began.

FAIL FAIL FAIL

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Watch: MIT's terrifying invisible gel robo-eels snatch live fish

Fizzle
Boffin

Boston Dynamics Robot

Looks like a glorified Segway to me, or that Lloyds Bank black horse logo.

Take your pick.

0
5

Don't worry, America: Elon Musk says he'll have a word with Trump

Fizzle
Mushroom

Musk 'n' Trump

Perhaps Mr Musk could put one of his booster rockets underneath Trump and then arrange for it NOT to return to earth safely.

Or blow it up on the launch pad.

Either is acceptable.

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'I AM TWEETING TRUTH TO POWER: AND YOU CAN'T STOP MY FACTS, MR PRESIDENT!'

Fizzle
Facepalm

Re: Yawn

Yes - in the hope that articles like this might be discouraged in future!

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Fizzle
Unhappy

Yawn

Not funny, not even vaguely interesting.

Sorry

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Congratulations – you're looking better than ever this morning!

Fizzle
Holmes

Re: Great CGI backdrop

I specialise in HDRI photography so am well aware of the light versus stars problem.

Just sayin'

:)

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1
Fizzle
Alien

Great CGI backdrop

I see the last photo with the caption:

"GOES-16 image of Earth and Moon. Image: NASA/NOAA"

doesn't show any stars (rather like the photos from the moon etc).

So it's quite clear that this was all filmed in a studio with some sort of CGI backdrop.

Another case of "alternative facts" for us poor humans to digest.

Sigh...

3
4

Laser beam sky mirage cannon can spy on enemies and generate Star Trek-style shields

Fizzle
Coat

Give it a rest you lot!

All this tekky stuff is doin' me head in.

Nurse...Nurse..my brain hurts.

1
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Puny galaxy packs a big punch: A gazillion joules' worth of radio bursts

Fizzle
Happy

Re: Obviously it's going to be dim...

In that case have a thumbs up for admitting the error.

Now, let's address the other error: the correct Latin is Mea Maxima Culpa.

Next time it's a smacky botty and early to bed, so watch it!

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Fizzle
Headmaster

Re: Obviously it's going to be dim...

Thumbs down for the comma in "it's energy".

No apology, it's grumpy New Year time and a long Winter to come leaves me feeling cold at the prospect.

2
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NASA plans seven-year trip to Jupiter – can we come with you, please?

Fizzle
Facepalm

Rolf?

Blimey! Thought the guy in the video was Rolf Harris, had a bit of a shock at first!

0
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'I found a bug that let anyone read anyone's Yahoo! Mail and all I got was this $10k check'

Fizzle
Headmaster

Check the cheque

That'll be $10k cheque dumbass.

Why don't you check it's cheque for yourself? I suggest a good English dictionary such as the "Oxford".

6
21

Icelandic Pirate Party asked to form government

Fizzle
Pirate

Can we please just be serious for once..

...and stop all this buggering about with English and stuff (Yee Haw, avast there be harties etc).

What I really want to know is why the hell haven't we got a jolly decent party like this to vote for here in't UK?

I can even forgive them for the cod wars of the seventies, cod bless 'em!

Lang may ye rool, me lads (O hell, I'm at it now, must be infectious or summat).

5
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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Fizzle
Flame

Re: My Favorite

I read this story years ago - I think you have tried to paraphrase the old Wordperfect scenario where the tech told the user to send the computer back 'cos he was too effing stupid to own one.

Deny it mate?

2
1
Fizzle
Boffin

Double-click

I once had a conversation with what seemed to be a reasonably savvy lady in a Doctor's surgery. She had rung to ask a question about the icons on her desktop. I narrowed down the problem to someone before her having set up Windows to respond to one click rather than the standard two.

I told her to try double-clicking the icon. It took her a while to work out what I meant. She had been told, when she started working there, that one had to "left-press" on the icon - double clicking was meaningless to her.

That's when I learnt to speak in single syllable words to users - bless 'em!

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Smart meter benefits even crappier than originally thought

Fizzle
Pint

Re: Two reasons

I'll drink to that too!

Great line.

2
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AI gives porn peddlers a helping hand

Fizzle
Paris Hilton

Re: Nigella

It's high time El Reg replaced the Paris icon with Nigella (or Mary Berry at a pinch).

Fed up with Paris now...

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Martian 'ice cauldrons' are prime spot to hunt LGMs, say boffins

Fizzle
Devil

Re: Planetary Protection Programme

OK I accept your synopsis!

I don't understand why we are searching for life outside our planet. My point was, I suppose, let's spend those billions on getting to Mars sooner rather than later, and not worry about contamination at this stage: let's get established first and worry about protocols later.

We do far more damage to the Earth's atmosphere etc., launching things into space, to worry about a few microbes in some corner of a Martian plain that was forever Mars.

IMHO!

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Fizzle
Boffin

Re: Planetary Protection Programme

I am a bit confused by your statement:

"We do not want to ruin the scientific discoveries of the next mission that goes travelling past our mission..."

with reference to Mars.

My logic goes thus;

1. We are looking to the future to colonise a new world

2. Mars appears to be favourite and feasible (at some point in the future)

3. We will end up contaminating the planet anyway

So, doesn't it make sense to allow a few earthly microbes to land there as part of the eventual in-habitation of said planet?

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New MH370 handshake and wing debris analysis suggests rapid descent

Fizzle
Facepalm

Re: Having Sailed on the Met Office Weathership Service ...

A dead body is a dead body, decapitated or not so what difference in facing forwards or backwards in those circumstances?

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DRAMA ON MARS: Curiosity bot fires laser at alien metal object

Fizzle
FAIL

Metallica

"ChemCam fires a green laser at objects to stimulate elections"...

Oops, slightly mis-read that at first - silly me.

3
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Crashed Schiaparelli lander's 'chute and shields spotted

Fizzle
Boffin

Maffs 'n' stuff

All this talk about "maffs", as my teacher lithpilly saith reminds me of two of my favourite sayings of his:

1. Do NOT use the quadratic equation formula all the time as it's like "getting the air force to shoot down a fly", and,

2 An erg is the amount of energy a fly uses doing a push-up

Happy memories from 1967 Mr Cajetan. BTW he was also a good billiards player who delighted using geometry to calculate angles for canons.

Do they still make teachers like that, I wonder?

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Hololens for biz shocker: Surprisingly, it doesn't totally suck

Fizzle
Pint

Re: "evaluating the insurance risks for buildings"

"If there is one thing high-paid suits cannot stand, it's looking ridiculous. Gestures ain't helping on that point."

You haven't been to any London Pub of a Friday evening to see many business suits-type people behaving stupendously ridiculously together over bottles of champers then!

7
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Some Windows 10 Anniversary Update: SSD freeze

Fizzle
Boffin

OMG - it's fantastiche!

It''s twoo, it's twoo!

After the update my machine runs perfick (with SSD as boot), no discernible differences, programs run at least 50% faster and it looks better-er than before...

Oops sorry, dozed off there in a daydream.

Other than that, it seems OK (at the mo'), but my firewall is going berserk as it is treating the whole thing as a brand new install - which by the look of things, it is!

1
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Man dies after UK police Taser shooting

Fizzle
Big Brother

Re: TASERS - Not As Dumb as you Think

Can I have all those statistics in Imperial please?

I am NOT part of some Froggie (other European countries are available) metric type and, God forbid (other deities are also available), nor will I ever be.

Ta.

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Sick and tired of modern Windows? Upgrade to Windows 3.1 today – in your web browser

Fizzle
Boffin

No it didn't

The Amiga failed because in order to program it, one had to keep peeking and then poking it.

It died full of the equivalent of air holes

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1

Scottish MP calls for drone-busting eagles

Fizzle
FAIL

Exploitation

This is akin to, and seems like, the US military's experiments in using dolphins to hunt ships with torpedoes and other dipshit stuff like that.

FFS leave our animals alone to do their own hunting - for food.

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5

Hacked Japanese space probe sends back first pictures of Venus

Fizzle
Headmaster

Gotten...

What sort of English is that?

Sheesh..

1
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Get your WELLIES to MARS: Red Planet reveals its FROZEN BOTTOM

Fizzle
Devil

Re: Need boots on Mars...

Yessss!

What he said plus one

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PRATCHETT chats to Oz from 31,000m above Planet Earth

Fizzle
Gimp

Re: Looks like you had great weather for it!

The SAFETY switch was disabled????

Remind me never to fly in a Pratchett airliner!!

PS Well done anyway!

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High-flying LOHAN fan raises ale-filled tankard

Fizzle

I don't understand but....

The pilot in the glider cockpit (Martin) is holding the joystick with his left hand. Martin in the picture is holding the tankard in his right hand but..it's a left-handed tankard!

This confuses me so I would be grateful to El Reg and friends to correct or explain this om nom nom anomaly please.

0
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Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

Fizzle
Meh

Re: re: Manola

English Sparrows? You mean just sparrows. Why English? And if, indeed, there are English Sparrows flying around other than in England, please don't shoot them, send old Papageno around and bring 'em back home.

Anyway, why are English sparrows considered pests? What do they do?

1
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MARSQUAKES shook up range of hills in ancient lake bed

Fizzle
Alien

Soggy Bottomz

Well certainly after a good belching from the insides, there will be a sedimentary wet bottom, and it's understandable that bits will be clinging on. Hence of course, the extra strong winds of Mars will help whistle through the vitals and cleanse said debris away.

Now that ain't rocket science either, or is that eether? Whatever, sigh..I'll leave quietly now before anyone comments.

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'I got a little bit upset by that Register article...' says millionaire model. Bless!

Fizzle
Boffin

Re: Boots on the (red) Ground

42?

Now THAT's a number to conjure with!

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Scientists capture DEATH STAR in VIOLENT EXPLOSION

Fizzle
Childcatcher

Someone think of the children...and others

I wish "boffins" would spend less time thinking about how stars end their lives and more time on calculating how many "people" on planets affected by the supernova die.

We really ought to get some sort of Relief Aid going and help those poor folks.

1
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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

Fizzle
Joke

Re: No way near Homeopathic standards..

You sound a bit "annally retentive" to me.

1
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Boffins run iOS apps on Android hardware

Fizzle
Linux

Exactly!

I bought Android so I could AVOID iTunes. Why on earth would I want to run anything iOS related?

9
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Giant pop can FOUND ON MOON

Fizzle
Coat

Re: What about the Apollo missions!?!

The firm is quite right, their product will be the first beverage on the moon because, as we all know, and the drinks firm knows, nobody has yet landed there and walked on it.

Can't be bothered with the obligatory Wiki conspiracy links.

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Curiosity GOUGES AND SCORCHES Mars with drill and laser

Fizzle
Angel

Keep Out cones?

I'm puzzled!

Where does Curiosity keep the cones, metal rods and bits of red plastic telling pedestrians to "use the other footway"? I've looked carefully at the pix of the machine and I just cannot see how they fit on it.

And how does the Council worker get there, where is he/she hiding?

"There I was digging this 'ole

'ole in the ground,

square and sort of round it was...."

When up came a bloke in a bowler...

"You can't dig there, dig it elsewhere,

you're digging it round and it orta be square.."

Always wondered how Bernard Cribbins could see into the future; now I know!

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NASA's Curiosity rover set to give Mars its THIRD HARD DRILLING

Fizzle
Headmaster

Re: So lazers at dawn.........

it"s "but still they come", NOT "they still come".

And it"s LASERS not LAZERS.

Duh!

That's a score of 2 to me and 0 to you. I am now in an unassailable position as we have run out of time.

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10 PRINT "Happy 50th Birthday, BASIC" : GOTO 10

Fizzle
Childcatcher

Precise Time

4AM?

Yeah thanks guys for setting a precedent that everyone from Steve Jobs to even the most sedate and boring sysadmin now expects programmers (and fixers) to be available all bloody night.

Example: Work 60 hours plus on a failing network in Birmingham. Take a well-earned break for a couple of days back home 200 miles away, drive early on Sunday morning to see the kids for once. Halfway home get a call to say something else has gone wrong, "and if you don't come back right now, don't bother coming back at all".

Such happy days.

Still, I love my job, innit.

7
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LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

Fizzle
Flame

Union flag

Aaarrrgghhhh!

It's a Union flag!

how many times more...??

Let's hope some enterprising airline pays meeellions for the wonderful livery.

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Nvidia's new CUDA 6 has the 'most significant new functionality in the history of CUDA'

Fizzle
Headmaster

English?

Is everyone writing English here or is this another new hybrid language?

Confoosed (not difficult)

Whacko, 'cos I need a good caning.

1
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'Graceful' solar flare erupts from surface of Sun – NASA vid

Fizzle

Hot flushes

Those flairy fings prolly explain the hot flushes I get. That last "whoosh" was particularly big 'cos 8½ minutes later I had a hot flush. At least I now know not to trust my GP. Menopause indeed; solar flairs frying me vitals more like!

0
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New snaps show dazzling young galaxies furiously spawning stars - 13 BILLION years ago

Fizzle
Alien

Lenz Flair?

I thought in spaaaace, there was no atmosphere hence no lens flare? Someone please correct me if I am wrong. It's doin' me head in!

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10-year-old girl becomes youngest ever supernova discoverer

Fizzle
Coat

The mangle of the dangle

I was very careful NOT to tweet (oh dear that's a noun (sorta) becoming a verb far too quickly and without the benefit of 200+ years of Oxford Professors humming and hawing over it.

I put the comments on El Reg, of course, because no self respecting plod would bother to look at it, being a bit erudite and out of their league.

Gotta run now, there's this rather loud knock at my door...

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