* Posts by Fizzle

69 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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WannaCry prompts promise of extra cash towards NHS security

Fizzle
Black Helicopters

Simplified...?

"The response (PDF) accepts the recommendations of both reviews, which included a simplified model for consent, the adoption of 10 data security standards and significant improvements to the way data use is communicated to the public."

I don't want simplified, I want complicated!

As an example, I went to the dentist recently and they asked me to sign a consent form. There were about 4 different phrases with reference to how my data is used. I had to consent before I was "allowed" treatment. I objected to two of the phrases regarding outside use and access, only to be told I can't do that (I had modified the form and initialled it to withdraw consent for those items).

If I didn't agree to my data being given to other organisations I wouldn't be treated.

Well the "Gubmint" can go kiss its arse for fuxache!

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HMS Windows XP: Britain's newest warship running Swiss Cheese OS

Fizzle
Mushroom

Old Fashioned

Is it me or does this ship look out-dated already? I suppose if they ordered it 20 years ago or whatever...

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NASA's Kepler space telescope finishes its original mission catalog

Fizzle
Headmaster

Re: "Only exoplanets with orbital periods less than a hundred days were considered, "

Plus one for "box set" and not the awful "boxset".

Although the correct grammar should be "boxed set".

Nice try though.

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Brit hacker admits he siphoned info from US military satellite network

Fizzle
Black Helicopters

Within the autistic spectrum?

And very shortly, I predict, the perpetrator will claim to fall within the autistic spectrum (high end, of course).

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3

Just days after tech community abandons plans to punish internet shutdowns… Egypt goes censorship crazy

Fizzle
Black Helicopters

Today Egypt...

...tomorrow the UK.

Especially during election times.

Oh and BTW, we now know why May wanted to be able to see inside What's App etc. It wasn't to track terrorists (cowardly murderers is a better word and doesn't give them a legitimate label), but to try and keep track of all the MPs plotting to oust her.

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5

Astroboffins spot a new type of galaxy bursting with stars

Fizzle
FAIL

Artist's Impression..

Can El Reg PLEASE stop using artists' impressions!

Looking back to my school text books of 60 years ago, an artist's impression of, for example, the moon or Mars looked nothing like the actual photographs from people or landers that visited them. (Assuming no conspiracies at this stage).

Why should I think an artist's impression today is any more accurate?

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NASA duo plan Tuesday ISS spacewalk to replace the mux that sux

Fizzle
Alien

Lithium Overload

Obviously the latest upgrade drew too much power and fried the battery. "On Earth as it is in space..."

Thumbs up to the intrepid travellers though.

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We are 'heroes,' says police chief whose force frisked a photographer

Fizzle
Holmes

Again?

How fed up I am with these stories.

The Police (at least the ones I have talked to) are generally helpful, friendly people.

As an organisation they tend to be shite, as many media outlets report.

And as for the plastic plods, don't get me started. I was once given a parking ticket by one for blocking my own driveway. It was I that put the "It is illegal to park here" notice. It wasn't but it helped deter some railway commuters! The plastic woman thought she should act though. I did enjoy the joke with the Town Parking supervisor over a beer later!

42
9

Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

Fizzle
Angel

Willies

This whole thread is enough to give one the willies thinking about it.

Gross!

1
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NASA's Cassini snaps pic inside Saturn's ring – peace among the stars

Fizzle
Alien

Deflector Shield? That's a first!

I think this may be the first time a deflector shield has been employed in reality and not in a TV show. Someone may correct me perhaps.

All they need now is somehow to be able to divert power to the deflector to increase protection and then they can really plough a path through the asteroid belt without spending years going around it.

We're a long way from "Passengers" but it looks like we're getting there.

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US Customs sued for information about border phone searches

Fizzle
Pint

Re: Plausible deniability

I remember visiting Moscow in the mid 1970s when I visited Red Square. A beautiful place with a fantastic if somewhat elaborate cathedral (St Basil's).

Anyway I was sauntering towards it and had my Practica 35mm camera (good East German make) ready for a few quick snaps when I noticed a guy in a grey raincoat standing quite close by, watching me. I realised I had seen him before at my hotel and suddenly had a mild panic attack that I was being "monitored" by the KGB or summat.

I went over to him and asked him if it was OK for me to take pictures here, that I was a budding architect and I wanted to study buildings for reference (I particularly like Ecclesiastical architecture). He spoke most polite English and took it upon himself to show me the best places to film and gave me a fascinating insight into Russian life.

How annoying therefore that I have spent most of my life (well since Sept 11th 2001) fighting with English and US authorities to take innocuous pictures such as Canary Wharf or in Times Square!

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Virgin Media suspends 4 staff over misreporting connections

Fizzle

Well...hardly ever!

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Uber loses court fight over London drivers' English language tests

Fizzle
Holmes

And other English-speakers too

Quite right too!

Mind you, whilst in New York recently, I thought the cabbies there should also learn to speak English!

Yes I'm sorry American readers, but they can be somewhat incomprehensible sometimes!

17
1

European Space Agency slaps CC licences on its pics and vids

Fizzle
Alien

Now the evidence of alien life has been airbrushed out..

..at last we can see the rest of the images.

Just waiting for NASA to do the same.

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Commissioner kisses Met goodbye, says it's set to be 'best digital police force'

Fizzle
FAIL

Hogan-Howe has to be the worst bod in charge since the force began.

FAIL FAIL FAIL

0
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Watch: MIT's terrifying invisible gel robo-eels snatch live fish

Fizzle
Boffin

Boston Dynamics Robot

Looks like a glorified Segway to me, or that Lloyds Bank black horse logo.

Take your pick.

0
5

Don't worry, America: Elon Musk says he'll have a word with Trump

Fizzle
Mushroom

Musk 'n' Trump

Perhaps Mr Musk could put one of his booster rockets underneath Trump and then arrange for it NOT to return to earth safely.

Or blow it up on the launch pad.

Either is acceptable.

23
5

'I AM TWEETING TRUTH TO POWER: AND YOU CAN'T STOP MY FACTS, MR PRESIDENT!'

Fizzle
Facepalm

Re: Yawn

Yes - in the hope that articles like this might be discouraged in future!

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Fizzle
Unhappy

Yawn

Not funny, not even vaguely interesting.

Sorry

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Congratulations – you're looking better than ever this morning!

Fizzle
Holmes

Re: Great CGI backdrop

I specialise in HDRI photography so am well aware of the light versus stars problem.

Just sayin'

:)

1
1
Fizzle
Alien

Great CGI backdrop

I see the last photo with the caption:

"GOES-16 image of Earth and Moon. Image: NASA/NOAA"

doesn't show any stars (rather like the photos from the moon etc).

So it's quite clear that this was all filmed in a studio with some sort of CGI backdrop.

Another case of "alternative facts" for us poor humans to digest.

Sigh...

3
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Laser beam sky mirage cannon can spy on enemies and generate Star Trek-style shields

Fizzle
Coat

Give it a rest you lot!

All this tekky stuff is doin' me head in.

Nurse...Nurse..my brain hurts.

1
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Puny galaxy packs a big punch: A gazillion joules' worth of radio bursts

Fizzle
Happy

Re: Obviously it's going to be dim...

In that case have a thumbs up for admitting the error.

Now, let's address the other error: the correct Latin is Mea Maxima Culpa.

Next time it's a smacky botty and early to bed, so watch it!

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Fizzle
Headmaster

Re: Obviously it's going to be dim...

Thumbs down for the comma in "it's energy".

No apology, it's grumpy New Year time and a long Winter to come leaves me feeling cold at the prospect.

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NASA plans seven-year trip to Jupiter – can we come with you, please?

Fizzle
Facepalm

Rolf?

Blimey! Thought the guy in the video was Rolf Harris, had a bit of a shock at first!

0
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'I found a bug that let anyone read anyone's Yahoo! Mail and all I got was this $10k check'

Fizzle
Headmaster

Check the cheque

That'll be $10k cheque dumbass.

Why don't you check it's cheque for yourself? I suggest a good English dictionary such as the "Oxford".

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21

Icelandic Pirate Party asked to form government

Fizzle
Pirate

Can we please just be serious for once..

...and stop all this buggering about with English and stuff (Yee Haw, avast there be harties etc).

What I really want to know is why the hell haven't we got a jolly decent party like this to vote for here in't UK?

I can even forgive them for the cod wars of the seventies, cod bless 'em!

Lang may ye rool, me lads (O hell, I'm at it now, must be infectious or summat).

5
0

User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Fizzle
Flame

Re: My Favorite

I read this story years ago - I think you have tried to paraphrase the old Wordperfect scenario where the tech told the user to send the computer back 'cos he was too effing stupid to own one.

Deny it mate?

2
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Fizzle
Boffin

Double-click

I once had a conversation with what seemed to be a reasonably savvy lady in a Doctor's surgery. She had rung to ask a question about the icons on her desktop. I narrowed down the problem to someone before her having set up Windows to respond to one click rather than the standard two.

I told her to try double-clicking the icon. It took her a while to work out what I meant. She had been told, when she started working there, that one had to "left-press" on the icon - double clicking was meaningless to her.

That's when I learnt to speak in single syllable words to users - bless 'em!

3
2

Smart meter benefits even crappier than originally thought

Fizzle
Pint

Re: Two reasons

I'll drink to that too!

Great line.

2
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AI gives porn peddlers a helping hand

Fizzle
Paris Hilton

Re: Nigella

It's high time El Reg replaced the Paris icon with Nigella (or Mary Berry at a pinch).

Fed up with Paris now...

15
1

Martian 'ice cauldrons' are prime spot to hunt LGMs, say boffins

Fizzle
Devil

Re: Planetary Protection Programme

OK I accept your synopsis!

I don't understand why we are searching for life outside our planet. My point was, I suppose, let's spend those billions on getting to Mars sooner rather than later, and not worry about contamination at this stage: let's get established first and worry about protocols later.

We do far more damage to the Earth's atmosphere etc., launching things into space, to worry about a few microbes in some corner of a Martian plain that was forever Mars.

IMHO!

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Fizzle
Boffin

Re: Planetary Protection Programme

I am a bit confused by your statement:

"We do not want to ruin the scientific discoveries of the next mission that goes travelling past our mission..."

with reference to Mars.

My logic goes thus;

1. We are looking to the future to colonise a new world

2. Mars appears to be favourite and feasible (at some point in the future)

3. We will end up contaminating the planet anyway

So, doesn't it make sense to allow a few earthly microbes to land there as part of the eventual in-habitation of said planet?

1
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New MH370 handshake and wing debris analysis suggests rapid descent

Fizzle
Facepalm

Re: Having Sailed on the Met Office Weathership Service ...

A dead body is a dead body, decapitated or not so what difference in facing forwards or backwards in those circumstances?

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DRAMA ON MARS: Curiosity bot fires laser at alien metal object

Fizzle
FAIL

Metallica

"ChemCam fires a green laser at objects to stimulate elections"...

Oops, slightly mis-read that at first - silly me.

3
0

Crashed Schiaparelli lander's 'chute and shields spotted

Fizzle
Boffin

Maffs 'n' stuff

All this talk about "maffs", as my teacher lithpilly saith reminds me of two of my favourite sayings of his:

1. Do NOT use the quadratic equation formula all the time as it's like "getting the air force to shoot down a fly", and,

2 An erg is the amount of energy a fly uses doing a push-up

Happy memories from 1967 Mr Cajetan. BTW he was also a good billiards player who delighted using geometry to calculate angles for canons.

Do they still make teachers like that, I wonder?

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Hololens for biz shocker: Surprisingly, it doesn't totally suck

Fizzle
Pint

Re: "evaluating the insurance risks for buildings"

"If there is one thing high-paid suits cannot stand, it's looking ridiculous. Gestures ain't helping on that point."

You haven't been to any London Pub of a Friday evening to see many business suits-type people behaving stupendously ridiculously together over bottles of champers then!

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Some Windows 10 Anniversary Update: SSD freeze

Fizzle
Boffin

OMG - it's fantastiche!

It''s twoo, it's twoo!

After the update my machine runs perfick (with SSD as boot), no discernible differences, programs run at least 50% faster and it looks better-er than before...

Oops sorry, dozed off there in a daydream.

Other than that, it seems OK (at the mo'), but my firewall is going berserk as it is treating the whole thing as a brand new install - which by the look of things, it is!

1
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Man dies after UK police Taser shooting

Fizzle
Big Brother

Re: TASERS - Not As Dumb as you Think

Can I have all those statistics in Imperial please?

I am NOT part of some Froggie (other European countries are available) metric type and, God forbid (other deities are also available), nor will I ever be.

Ta.

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Sick and tired of modern Windows? Upgrade to Windows 3.1 today – in your web browser

Fizzle
Boffin

No it didn't

The Amiga failed because in order to program it, one had to keep peeking and then poking it.

It died full of the equivalent of air holes

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Scottish MP calls for drone-busting eagles

Fizzle
FAIL

Exploitation

This is akin to, and seems like, the US military's experiments in using dolphins to hunt ships with torpedoes and other dipshit stuff like that.

FFS leave our animals alone to do their own hunting - for food.

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5

Hacked Japanese space probe sends back first pictures of Venus

Fizzle
Headmaster

Gotten...

What sort of English is that?

Sheesh..

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Get your WELLIES to MARS: Red Planet reveals its FROZEN BOTTOM

Fizzle
Devil

Re: Need boots on Mars...

Yessss!

What he said plus one

1
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PRATCHETT chats to Oz from 31,000m above Planet Earth

Fizzle
Gimp

Re: Looks like you had great weather for it!

The SAFETY switch was disabled????

Remind me never to fly in a Pratchett airliner!!

PS Well done anyway!

0
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High-flying LOHAN fan raises ale-filled tankard

Fizzle

I don't understand but....

The pilot in the glider cockpit (Martin) is holding the joystick with his left hand. Martin in the picture is holding the tankard in his right hand but..it's a left-handed tankard!

This confuses me so I would be grateful to El Reg and friends to correct or explain this om nom nom anomaly please.

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Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

Fizzle
Meh

Re: re: Manola

English Sparrows? You mean just sparrows. Why English? And if, indeed, there are English Sparrows flying around other than in England, please don't shoot them, send old Papageno around and bring 'em back home.

Anyway, why are English sparrows considered pests? What do they do?

1
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MARSQUAKES shook up range of hills in ancient lake bed

Fizzle
Alien

Soggy Bottomz

Well certainly after a good belching from the insides, there will be a sedimentary wet bottom, and it's understandable that bits will be clinging on. Hence of course, the extra strong winds of Mars will help whistle through the vitals and cleanse said debris away.

Now that ain't rocket science either, or is that eether? Whatever, sigh..I'll leave quietly now before anyone comments.

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'I got a little bit upset by that Register article...' says millionaire model. Bless!

Fizzle
Boffin

Re: Boots on the (red) Ground

42?

Now THAT's a number to conjure with!

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Scientists capture DEATH STAR in VIOLENT EXPLOSION

Fizzle
Childcatcher

Someone think of the children...and others

I wish "boffins" would spend less time thinking about how stars end their lives and more time on calculating how many "people" on planets affected by the supernova die.

We really ought to get some sort of Relief Aid going and help those poor folks.

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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

Fizzle
Joke

Re: No way near Homeopathic standards..

You sound a bit "annally retentive" to me.

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