* Posts by Joefish

859 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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Blockchain is bullsh!t, prove me wrong meets 'chain gang fans at tech confab

Joefish
Meh

Re: Ruined by BitCoin and the CryptoCurrency wide boys.

Seems to me that what you say 'ruined it' is in fact all it's good for. It has no real-world application because it can't be directly tied to any physical process or goods. As has been pointed out above, when you use it to record the existence or movement of goods, that data input is as vulnerable to corruption as any other recording system. It is purely a virtual paradigm that can only process virtual goods. That leaves purely financial transactions and speculation as pretty much the only application.

Joefish
Devil

A cunning plan.

Smash the system you leach millions of hours of processing time off just to exist.

Let me know how that one works out.

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

Joefish
Joke

Square Pusher?

Surely that's Sokoban, not Pac-Man?

Joefish
Flame

In The Night Garden?

Ah, the one that's all taking place in the delusional mind of a shipwreck survivor in a lifeboat on the open sea, slowly going mad from a complete lack of food and water and sucking on the corner of a blanket for salts and moisture. That one. Sleep tight, kiddies.

Trakt app users' personal data exposed: We were hit by a 'PHP exploit'... back in 2014

Joefish
Holmes

'PHP Exploit'?

Or 'Well-known crap design exploit'?

Fujitsu pitched stalker-y AI that can read your social media posts as solution to Irish border, apparently

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: It doesn't leverage a single thing

We can backup the blocks along the M20.

Joefish
Devil

I've got the perfect solution

It uses scientifically proven homeopathic probiotic quantum facial recognition and all the other things.

I just need to get a billionaire Tory party donor on the executive board and we're pretty much guaranteed to get a contract.

So who's in?

Data flows in a no-deal Brexit are a 'significant' concern – MPs

Joefish
FAIL

Re: Project Fear

Less 'Project Fear',

More like 'Operation Ostrich'.

Users fail to squeak through basic computer skills test. Well, it was the '90s

Joefish

Re: Not sure...

Malbec - now you're talking - I'll keep an eye out. What got me into rosé was on holiday getting reds served at 35°C at the end of a hot day rendering them undrinkable, whereas the rosés came out chilled. And most Greek ones are as dry and full-bodied as a lot of reds. Mind you, the whites can be pretty heavy too; Santorini ones are particularly lush - something to do with bugger-all rainfall. There's a nice Tsantili rosé at most airports, although with 'Macedonia' on the label you should avoiding whipping it out in front of any former Yugoslavians at the moment...

Joefish
Happy

I knew someone who was more than happy with the occasional mouse tracking glitch, and definitely didn't need any support, cleaning or replacement whatsoever.

Later learned this was because the interior space of the mouse was where he kept his... ahem... 'stash'.

Joefish
Holmes

Re: Not sure...

That's because you're drinking watery French or Californian cack instead of a Greek Rosé with a bit of body to it. At least get the Merlot or Shiraz Rosé, not that Grenache rubbish.

EasyJet boss says pre-Chrimbo Gatwick drone chaos cost it £15m

Joefish
Trollface

£10m In Customer Welfare Costs?

"EasyJet calculated the drone debacle had cost it ... £10m in customer welfare costs".

And how much of this ten million quid actually reached the affected customers?

Perhaps someone could investigate? Anyone know a good journalist?

Stalk my pals on social media and you'll know that the next words out of my mouth will be banana hammock

Joefish
Facepalm

Re: Could this be...

Or that 64% of them are Russian spambots and it's just worked out the same algorithm they're running on.

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Gadzooks!

So when seven of your friends reply to a post, made by the eighth, with 'Haha' / 'Congratulations' / 'GYTF' it can predict the next thing you write is 'Haha' / 'Congratulations' / 'GYTF' as well with a 64% success rate? Or am I missing something?

Steamer closets, flying cars, robot boxers, smart-mock-cock ban hypocrisy – yes, it's the worst of CES this year

Joefish
Coat

Does that steam cupboard...

I just need to know, does that steam cupboard have a little bamboo tray for doing Chinese dumplings?

Keen for much-hyped quantum computing to finally land? Don't expect it for a decade

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Equilibrium.

So quantum computing is so error-prone that you need multiple quantum computers to statiscally eliminate those errors?

And the universal balance is restored....

Doctors join wombats in sh!tting bricks to help parents relax about kids chowing down on Lego

Joefish
Holmes

Re: Parents don't need to search the stools...

Those new plant bits aren't bio-degradable; they're just made from polymers derived from plants instead of oil. They're just as stable as any other plastic.

So no, stay green, and remember to always fish out your kids' plastic pollution prior to pulling the chain. Won't somebody think of the turtles?

('No Shit' icon seems appropriate...)

Behold, the world's most popular programming language – and it is...wait, er, YAML?!?

Joefish
Trollface

...BREAKING NEWS...

'DevOps' article on The Register attracts more than two comments. Misleading clickbait title suspected. Film at 11.

Another 3D printer? Oh, stop it, you're killing us. Perhaps literally: Fears over ultrafine dust

Joefish
Linux

Re: 3D Printers

Quite. What about those of us who can't afford a decent 3D printer and have to get our RDA of microplastics from fish finger sandwiches?

Joefish
Coat

They're worried about dust from FDM?

Sounds like they'll have a fit when they learn about SLS...

ZX Spectrum reboot scandal firm's original directors rejoin

Joefish
Holmes

Errrmmm....

Those 'filings at Companies House' to which you refer...

...Have just been reversed.

Shenanigans? From this crowd? Surely not?

(It appears one party is asserting - at least publicly - that they were not appointed by the board; the other that they were appropriately installed by a majority vote of shareholders).

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

Joefish
Coat

Surely that should be: Feta the Devil You Know - Kylie

Roquefort Casbah - The Clash

Paneer Me - ABC

What Yarg-onna Do? - Artful Dodger (feat. Craig David)

Y Fenni How Love Is - Queen

ZX Spectrum Vega+ blows a FUSE: It runs open-source emulator

Joefish
Facepalm

Re: Jonathan Who?

So you haven't played any of his games, but you're more than ready to write them all off as crap? How delightful.

The Egghead sequels are more like a cross between the Monty Mole and Dizzy series, and alongside those Albatrossity, GameX and Slubberdegullion are as good as any top-selling title from the 80s. At least, when run on a real Spectrum.

Also, what publisher do you think is going to run up tape duplication for Spectrum games in 2018? They'd have to be completely barking mad.

Oh, wait, https://cronosoft.fwscart.com/Spectrum/cat5357733_4119462.aspx

It's a disaster that there are no 80s games on this device, and indeed plenty of more recent games were offered up to RCL after the row over permissions was stirred up again earlier this year, but none of those have appeared.

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: GPL

The games run perfectly well on other platforms. They don't need the GPL code if there's a Z80 CPU to hand! And the emulator works perfectly well without the games. They're entirely separate layers of code.

But if you're then expecting RCL to provide you with the source code to 1000 different games, many from over 30 years ago? Best of British to you there...

Nokia: Oops, financials aren't great. Never mind, 5G will solve our woes

Joefish
Coat

Maybe it's time to do an Atari.

Just pack it all in and flog a few T-Shirts with the logo on.

Confessions of an ebook eater

Joefish
Holmes

Back in the day before that day...

I remember when a book told you about ROM and OS calls, not APIs! Wasn't there a second-hand bookshop near the top of Charing Cross Road (near a similar second-hand CD place) that had a load of computing books? I got a few very informative volumes about the Atari ST from there.

On another note I recall p*ssing off the entire English department of my school without realising it. I'd won a prize of a book token and the deal was we chose a book, bought it, then returned it to the school to be dished out at an awards evening in front of assembled parents. But afterwards, I was subject to derision and abuse from my barking mad, Victorian-attitude English teacher, and I had no idea why.

It was only much later that I realised the deluded staff honestly thought they were instilling a love of literature in their students, and my choice of 'The Complete Spectrum ROM Disassembly' as a literature prize rather tactlessly highlighted their failings. It was apparently referred to as 'not even a proper book'; Doctors Ian Logan and Frank O'Hara apparently not on the department's list of acceptably tedious and departed authors.

Joefish
Black Helicopters

Re: Foyles

Quite a common procedure if you have to pay an excess baggage fee coming back from a Greek airport.

Except more in keeping with the Russian ethos they'll also retain possession of your passport until you return to the issue desk with a receipt...

DevOps and containers heavyweights' London meetup: Under 3 weeks to go

Joefish
Devil

"...time is running out to secure a front row seat..."

I'm taking that as meaning they haven't sold a single row of seats yet...

Another ZX Spectrum modern reboot crowdfunder pops up

Joefish

"There is no connection between Olifiers and RCL"

But you're going to drag it up anyway.

Aren't there any grown-ups at The Register who could cover this story?

Pong, anyone? How about Pong on a vintage oscilloscope?

Joefish
Happy

Re: Quake on an Oscilloscope.

I've seen the same trick done with a disco laser, playing Pong on the side of the Garden Gate pub in Aldershot (kit supplied by Video Game Carnival).

ZX Spectrum Vega Plus backers complain of months-long refund delays

Joefish
Holmes

This affair is older and more childish than you can possibly imagine.

You do realise that this whole fudge cluster kicked off at exactly the point where someone tried to follow up on the ZX Spectrum model with a Commodore 64 equivalent?

Joefish

Given that a crowdfunding is an investment...

Exactly what is anyone telling their credit card company is grounds for a refund?

New plastic banknote plans now upsetting environmental campaigners

Joefish
Paris Hilton

While there is a lot of over-reaction to tiny amounts of stuff

They probably couldn't have picked a more controversial alternative right now.

Who's in charge of the mint? Wait, let me guess, we've sold that off to China too.

Next up, the 'secret security measure' in the new £1 coin turns out to be dessicated tiger bollocks...

What a time to be alive: drone pooper-scoopers are a thing now

Joefish
Black Helicopters

Re: Nowhere near enough

I wouldn't trust a Chinook to lift it myself right now...

DevOps hype? Sometimes a pizza really is just a pizza

Joefish
Pirate

I hate to use the Simpsons as a reference, but

"Marge vs. The Monorail" springs to mind.

UK Home Sec: Give us a snoop-around for WhatApp encryption. Don't worry, we won't go into the cloud

Joefish
Joke

I can't help thinking she should be in the Green Party anyway...

[ X ] Rudd, Amber (Green)

Why is the Sinclair ZX Spectrum Vega+ project so delayed?

Joefish
Angel

Re: A rational and reasonable write-up of the issue.

Yes - but similarly the industry moved to teams working together under high-pressue conditions, with 16-bit development kits for 8-bit games paid for by the business and all the management overheads that go with running concurrent projects on tight budgets. The software houses repeatedly shrank and consolidated until there was pretty much only Ocean Software left. And later on the magazines were devaluing the market by competing to give away more and more complete older games (not just demos) every month.

A few homebrew coders like Jonathan Cauldwell just kept going, regardless. And there's been a resurgence in the last few decades using PC-emulation-based development tools. If you haven't seen a Spectrum game since 1990 you may be in for a surprise as to what's been achieved lately. I'll immodestly cite my own 'Buzzsaw+' as a title that has graphics that wouldn't look out of place on an Amiga, yet will run on a genuine original 48K Spectrum from 1983.

Joefish
Thumb Up

A rational and reasonable write-up of the issue.

Well done to The Reg for keeping it level.

Though you did blow it a bit - what on Earth has this got to do with the late 80's game scene?

I seem to remember that came about because basically all the bedroom coding talent finished school and then realised they were probably owed a competent wage to continue their efforts; hence the financial models of most software companies collapsed overnight!

In this case a lot of (us) developers offered up games for free on the understanding that the royalties portion of the sales would be going to Great Ormond Street. And some of us have a spare room to do the coding in these days... ;-)

Though on the point about the FUSE emulator, I don't see why notifying (or not) the originators of an open source product that you want to use it is relevant, so long as the terms are complied with.

Amid new push to make Pluto a planet again... Get over it, ice-world's assassin tells El Reg

Joefish
Headmaster

Any definition...

A definition that feels the need to say "regardless of..." anything is not a good enough definition. It's just another argument.

The definition should clearly say what something is; not define it by saying "well, it's not one of those, or one of those, or that thing over there".

Well, well. Auditors say UK govt procurement body hasn't saved your tax cash

Joefish
Holmes

Value for money, no matter the cost.

Anyway, I thought CCS stood for "Capita's Cash Spout".

China launches quantum satellite to test spooky action at a distance

Joefish

Re: MITM impossible

The theory seems to be that if a 'Man-In-The-Middle' intercepts the message, by capturing the photons, they then have to send on photons of their own to try and make the other end think nothing happened. (Note that the message is encoded by the photons themselves as with any optical data transfer; the message is not encoded by the quantum states, as they are impossible to fix).

But they won't be able to replicate the quantum entanglements in the photons they send on, so if the sender measures the paired photons they kept, and the receiver measures the paired photons they received, and compare notes, they can tell if the message was intercepted and a fake copy passed on. However, this assumes they then have a perfectly secure way of exchanging the state data to do the comparison...

Here's an interesting question - if you can measure the state of a photon without impeding its passage, does its quantum state collapse such that the dual-slit experiment stops working? i.e. This would mean you could tell if a photon has already had its quantum state collapsed by observation. So I presume not; that any such non-destructive attempt will, like the dual-split experiment, just yield a 50:50 result.

Joefish
Boffin

Re: Quantum mechanics for Gnomes.

Since you cannot measure the state in any way that shows it to be indeterminate, you have no practical way of proving your assertion. While certain wave-like behaviours of a particle in 'quantum superposition' may suggest it exists in a perfect 50:50 superposition of two states, there is no actual evidence that the state it will collapse into when measured isn't pre-determined.

Joefish
Holmes

Re: Quantum mechanics for Gnomes.

This also explains an ancient mystery. To hurry an Englishman, one can command 'Left! Right! Left Right!' at a sharp pace. However, with three or four syllables in the words 'Aristera' and 'Thexia' it is fundamentally impossible to hasten a Greek...

Even the Germans understand the importance of brevity in the words 'Links' and 'Rechts', yet with 'Sinistra' and 'Destra' one can begin to understand why the Italian army is always last to the battlefield.

Joefish
Trollface

Quantum mechanics for Gnomes.

1. We put one shoe in a satellite and launch it into space. And when we look in the box and see which shoe we have left, we find the one in the satellite, way up in space, is miraculously its exact pair!

2. ...?

3. Profit.

Ofgem sets up database so energy companies can spam Brits

Joefish

Or possibly even

"two thirds of households recognise a 'new customers only' bait-and-switch scam when they see one"

Got a genius enterprise tech idea? Tell the world about it

Joefish
Facepalm

"Early bird closes in 1 days"

Wow, that website's really blazing a trail with the technologies there. I feel compelled to give money in return for a vague promise of 'exposure' to a site that can't even concatenate a simple

($days != 1 ? "s" : "")

in its script.

(P.S. that one's for free guys).

F-35 targeting system laser will be 'almost impossible' to use in UK

Joefish
Joke

Re: Read between the lines

Apparently the British variant reports:

"Unexpected ally in the bombing area. Please wait for assistance".

(In further developments, the Chinese have just discovered that it can be defeated by a barcode declaring yourself to be a medium sliced white loaf).

Joefish
Trollface

Of course, the F-35Bs delivered so far have been for the RAF, not the Navy

So are not yet cleared for seaboard operations. And then there's the way the US defines 'seaboard' as within 200 miles of the sea. And then there's the fact that it's impossible to get 200 miles from the sea in the UK. Don't worry, I'm sure someone's planned it all out. The Merlin worked out perfectly, after all...

Joefish
Joke

Does this mean they have to shout "Behind you!"

and wait for the enemy to look the other way before they can target them?

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