* Posts by Mark York 3

217 posts • joined 16 Jun 2009

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NASA's Cassini snaps pic inside Saturn's ring – peace among the stars

Mark York 3
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Probe plunges deep into dark cosmic hole

& presumably climbed back out, because it started to like it too much.

"I called for succour in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell!"

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Drunk user blow-dried laptop after dog lifted its leg over the keyboard

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

Re: Meow

.......for approximately nine months.

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Mastercard launches card that replaces PIN with fingerprint sensor

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Unless Your Name Is Timothy Ifield!

You only have eight fingertips & two thumbprints.

I see a Tim Ifield situation developing in the near future.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2017/04/02/line-duty-blindsides-viewers-canny-genius-episode-2-review/

How did Captain Hook die? He had a ***k with the wrong hand!

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Burger King's 'OK Google' sad ad saga somehow gets worse

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: Rat Burger

Heat N Serve!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUalL4Swz4

PH because she will put pretty much anything into her mouth.

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Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

Re: Bah!

It was Magpie (Blue Peter clone on ITV), with Jennie Hanley wearing a lab coat & spectacles in the "lab photo".

The joke concept was that it would change state back into water, on exposure to strong light.

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Printer blown to bits by compressed air

Mark York 3
Flame

Re: Dangerous

Just came back from a training weekend down south in Orange County (same airport as Harrison Ford "Schmucked up his aircraft landing") & tale of a high pressure steam leakage on a submarine was told to me by one of the attendees (quite a few ex-navy attendees actually).

When a pin prick leak occurs in a high pressure steam pipe, it's visible as a "cloud" in the general vicinity, when that's spotted all in the immediate area freeze & slowly look about for something within arms reach to use as a guide like a spanner or wrench as the North Americans have it, then move it in the general area of the cloud to find where it intersects with the leak, the results are pretty obvious once it does so.

A newbie submariner, forgot all his training on his trip out, spotted the leak & immediately went to point it out to his shipmates (he was also in an area of the boat he wasn't really supposed to be in) inadvertently using his arm as the detection device.

His forearm connected with the high pressure steam jet & a Anakin Skywalker type injury occurred, as the jet sliced through the flesh & bone severing without hope of re-attachment (Both sides of the wound cauterized instantly).

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PC survived lightning strike thanks to a good kicking

Mark York 3
Pirate

Had that the repair & recovery bill for the client was satisfyingly pleasing (even if I didn't get a penny of it) to recover his data from a HDD that basically screwed its FAT at the worst possible moment & contained his entire companies accounting records.

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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

Mark York 3
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Potentially bright lad, I thought.

Wet behind the ears but a BOFH in the making after a time spent as an apprentice moving eventually to PFY status (they ain't getting any younger (Sorry Simon)).

I’ll mention what you said to my aunt.

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Samsung's Bixby totally isn't a Siri ripoff because look – it'll go in phones, TVs, fridges, air con...

Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Samsung's duplicitous duplication doubles datamining

With the advance of AI into humanlike sentience, it's more likely the loser gets to do the task, while the victor oversee's operations.

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BBC hooks up with ITV, launches long awaited US subscription VoD

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Umm, what about the rest of us?!

United States of Trumpton - FTFY.

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Get a GRIP! Robolution ain't happening until TOUCH is cracked

Mark York 3
Pirate

Re: Interesting

The Ice Pirates......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KcTCRSZBUU May not be SFW

Icon because of the blades.....

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Two-thirds of TV Licensing prosecutions at one London court targeted women

Mark York 3
Joke

Re: Seems a good deal to me

You just gave me a flashback to NTNON - Points of View Sketch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lzS8yW8INA

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BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: reduced fat lard?

& ".......may not be used where there is life"

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Mark York 3
Holmes

Re: Right Royal Softly, Softly, ...... Catchee GCHQ and Assorted Monkeys ....

He's our very own Captain Fang.

http://yafgc.net/comic/0493-the-wrong-hands/

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Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: Reminds me

I use a set of bluetooth headphones, not noise cancelling but it helps when in a server room & talking to a remote network operations bod.

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Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Damn.

Well it worked for the Tomb of the Cybermen on Telos.

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New UK laws address driverless cars insurance and liability

Mark York 3
Go

Re: failed to "install software updates to the vehicle’s operating system - hmm

The Magic Roundabout is fantastically brilliant to drive through.

I used to whip around that thing in seconds (for some reason that junction always clogged up when it was raining), you just had to get into the mindset of effectively going the wrong way around, which was the way it was intended to be used.

If you think of it as packets of network traffic, I can see it actually being well suited for such a AI as the approaching traffic could be shaped to go around in the most efficient manner depending on the intended destination.

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I was authorized to trash my employer's network, sysadmin tells court

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Easy fix - A friend who consistently wants me to work for him.

I have told him in the spirit of our usual drinks sessions that I want the right to call him exactly that (or similar worded sentiments) if the situation warrants it written into my contract of employment.

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Installing disks is basically LEGO, right? This admin failed LEGO

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Back In The Days Of Yore (1999)

Customer wanted to fit a CD Burner (circa 1999 & still quite pricey), that had got missed off his order.

"Ship it to me & I'll fit it myself!"

One HP burner shipped out 2 days later.

"This piece of crap doesn't work!"

"Bring it all back in please Sir"

One day & a drive back to us from North Devon, we open it up to find the drive is secured with 1" wood screws not the ones supplied in the box ("I didn't see those\Why didn't you tell me?" "Did you read the enclosed instructions Sir?").

Or as the guy that flipped the 220V PSU switch to 110V "to see what would happen" found out.

Fitted the new PSU & found Windows was totally corrupted.

"I'll reinstall it myself he says"

The HDD is in such a state of shock from having been "Shut down unexpectedly" it won't reinstall.

Another HDD, reinstall Windows & apps & recover his data took about 2 days as he didn't have a backup

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Microsoft ups Surface slab prices for Brits. Darn weak pound, eh?

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Just say 'sod off MS I ain't paying that much'

Montana is closest for me with no sales tax with fantastic views too.

No Microsoft Stores either mind but Amazon will deliver to your hotel (& the sales tax is charged at the rate of the your delivery address).

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Welcome to my world of The Unexplained – yes, you're welcome to it

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Batteries

Had that here in Alberta recently my Avalanches old battery couldn't cut the mustard first thing on a cold morning (its not called Cold Crank Amperage for nothing). A very nice man from AMA dropped in a new one for an additional $20 (Unlike Crappy Tire who wanted $200), which saved me the hassle of doing it myself.

I used to have a TR7 back in Blighty that continually needed jump starts, after various batteries\alternators a humping great battery used on Volvos (about twice the CCA IIRC) just about fitted (it over hung) into the battery bay, main reason being the starter motor harness cabling had developed a impedance & there was a voltage drop across the harness from the battery to the starter motor, that was giving the "flat battery" symptoms.

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You want WHO?! Reg readers vote Tom Baker for Doctor 13. Of course

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Hang on...

Wellllllllllllll! Technically yes

http://nerdapproved.com/misc-weirdness/how-the-doctors-are-numbered-according-to-the-bbc/

& don't wander off!

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Hyperloop sueball noose-man launches tube-travel rival

Mark York 3
Alien

Moonbase Alpha

Travel Tube not tube travel as used by Moonbase Alpha.

Icon because Dragons Domain still has a lot to answer for even after all these years!

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Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

Mark York 3
Joke

Re: Let's think big

He would be like the Third Doctor, stuck largely with a inoperable TARDIS (Inoperable because he can't reach the controls console).

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Coming to the big screen: Sci-fi epic Dune – no wait, wait, wait, this one might be good

Mark York 3
Devil

Re: Make something new

........you forgot the rape of Lena.

Icon just for Lord Foul......

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Mark York 3
Coat

Re: I am obviously alone in this.

& then it rained....

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Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: I thought Arrival was decent.

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey… stuff.

Sally: Yeah, I’ve seen this bit before. You said that sentence got away from you.

The Doctor: It got away from me, yeah.

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Chevy Bolt electric car came alive, reversed into my workbench, says stunned bloke

Mark York 3
Angel

Re: Fault between chair and steering wheel

My new Jeep has a electronic "parking brake", that is currently set to come on automatically, when the vehicle is in park (handy as the wife has a habit of claiming any real estate in the centre for her crap).

Still has to be manually released by pushing the button on the center console.

I'm still in two minds on using the parking brake overnight in winter, here in Canada the temperature can drop from 10C one day to something like -18C the next morning (Usually -28C the day after that). Most places I park are on level ground, but there is a incline on my drive.

What can be quite amusing to hear about is those with excessively heated garages driving out from say 20C to -25C & wondering why the windscreen disappears into a shower of glass within seconds of leaving the garage.

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Boffins turn timid mice into psycho killers – by firing lasers into brains

Mark York 3
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Shocking cock-up. The mice were furious

These creatures you call mice you see are not quite as they appear, they are merely the protrusions into our dimension of vast, hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings. The business with the cheese and squeaking is just a front.

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You know what, maybe Tabby's star ate a planet, ponder space eggheads

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Because curiously enough, we haven’t actually heard a peep out of them since we left

Unless, of course, they were eaten by the goat.

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Sysadmin 'fixed' PC by hiding it on a bookshelf for a few weeks

Mark York 3
FAIL

Re: Suppliers

In extreme cases, I've been known to induce a more definitive failure on a item, by putting in a microwave for 2 - 5 seconds.

Cuts down the time spent on the phone with the vendor too.

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Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Suppliers

I usually swap out the HDD of a known working unit in those cases, before I ring Hell or DP.

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Rogue One: This is the Star Wars back story you've been looking for

Mark York 3
Mushroom

I can sympathise

A mate of mine stopped to chat to a friend in the cinema queue causing more people to get in at the queue before us.

Result - Stuck at the near front (gazing at the posters for Salon Kitty helped pass the time) & missed the next episode (No videos in those days) of Doctor Who.

A week later it snowed & his younger brother had the Odeon cinema pretty much all to himself.

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Microsoft quietly emits patch to undo its earlier patch that broke Windows 10 networking

Mark York 3
Pint

Sucking Eggs, Zombie Users or PC's (Take Your Choice).

For all those niggling loss of connectivity issues my users used to experience across North America, I used to remote in, turn off the NIC power management in device manager & drop a batch file on the desktop that performed:

ipconfig /release

ipconfig /flushdns

netsh winsock reset

restart the machine

The last part was required as the result of the first command severing my RDP connection or Lync\Skype For Business session.

A quick fix & a step closer to beer o'clock.

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RIP HPE's The Machine product, 2014-2016: We hardly knew ye

Mark York 3
Big Brother

Did Samaritan Win Out After All?

How sad not a single Person Of Interest reference.

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Stay out of my server room!

Mark York 3

Slaughterhouse Blues

Yup that happened (before my time) at the slaughterhouse I worked at - The PFI (Intern) was sent in to clean it out.

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World-leading heart hospital 'very, very lucky' to dodge ransomware hit

Mark York 3

Re: Prepare

I think that they refer to it as "Yee Haaaaa!"

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R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Mark York 3
Terminator

BOFH - Life imitating Art

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/09/17/bofh_2010_episode_10/ - bofh_2010_episode_17

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If we can't fix this printer tonight, the bank's core app will stop working

Mark York 3
Boffin

Re: Meh! -

Upvote as I used to provide IT support for 40+ stroppy feckers (One of which was my landlady - Thats a whole different story) in a Microbiology lab for a global pharmacuetical co.

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Hackers hijack Tesla Model S from afar, while the cars are moving

Mark York 3
Terminator

Onestar

No longer a problem since they decommissioned the old cell phone frequencies & by extension the on-board equipment in both the families cars in Canadaland - Pleas via phone calls, snail mail for the upgrade\replacement equipment fee (Twice with one vehicle less than 4 years old) fell on deaf ears.

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Drama in orbit: Brazen UFO attacks Earth's Sentinel-1A satellite

Mark York 3

UFO

SID *would not have been caught so unawares.

*Space Intruder Detector

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Render crashing PCs back to their component silicon: They deserve it

Mark York 3
Devil

The Sleeper Has Awoken.

Up for 36 hours straight & about to leave for the airport from home & my aged TC4200 decides its going to invoke the BIOS HDD password (from no where) & then freeze (this after fighting a bloody pain in the ass printer to get travel docs printed out earlier).

Thank Oh mighty Shai-huludKeeper of balance, that I had a almost as old T60 prepped with Windows 10 that was almost ready to go (once data transferred from somewhere else & a 1GB stick dropped in).

The sleeper has awoken & is going downstairs for breakfast!

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Computerised stock management? Nah, let’s use walkie-talkies

Mark York 3
Linux

Re: Feet like flippers?

I also like Hush Puppies.

I love pointing out the Shoe Event Horizon in shoe shops, when I get get asked by the wife or staff why I'm buying a spare set of shoes (that actually comfortably fit & are on some form of sale\discount - Bloody expensive in Canadaland).

COMPU-TEACH:

Posit: you are living in a stagnant, declining civilisation. Where are you looking?

PUPIL:

Down.

COMPU-TEACH:

What do you see?

PUPIL:

My shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct! What do you do to cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

Uhm… press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

Incorrect! Think again. Your world is a depressing place; you are looking at your shoes. How do you cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

I buy a new pair.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct!

PUPIL:

Can I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

All right.

PUPIL:

Wa-ho! So nice.

COMPU-TEACH:

Now, imagine everyone does the same thing. What happens?

PUPIL:

Everyone feels nice?

COMPU-TEACH:

Ah, forget the button! Concentrate! Everyone buys new shoes. What happens?

PUPIL:

More shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct.

PUPIL:

Can I - ?

COMPU-TEACH:

No, no.

PUPIL:

Oh-oooo.

COMPU-TEACH:

And in order to support all these extra shoe shops, what must happen?

PUPIL:

Everyone… must keep buying shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And how is that arranged?

PUPIL:

Manufacturers dictate more and more different fashions and make shoes so badly that they either hurt the feet or fall apart.

COMPU-TEACH:

So that?

PUPIL:

Everyone has to buy more shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Until?

PUPIL:

Until… everyone gets fed up with lousy, rotten shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?

PUPIL:

Why can’t I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?! Come on!

PUPIL:

Massive capital investment by the manufacturers to try and make people buy the shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Which means?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?

PUPIL:

The point where I press the button again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Oh, all right.

PUPIL:

Wa-hoo! Ahhhh… So nice, that’s really nice!

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?!

PUPIL:

The Shoe Event Horizon! The whole economy overbalances; shoe shops outnumber every kind of shop! It becomes economically impossible to build anything other than shoe shops, and bingo, I get to press the button again!

PUPIL:

Wooo!

COMPU-TEACH:

Wait for permission! Now, what’s the final stage?

PUPIL:

Umm. Every shop in the world ends up as a shoe shop.

COMPU-TEACH:

Full of?

PUPIL:

Shoes that no one can wear.

COMPU-TEACH:

Result.

PUPIL:

Famine, collapse, and ruin. Any survivors eventually evolve into… birds and never put their feet on the ground again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Excellent! End of Lesson. You may press the button.

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Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: SAP? ..for Inventory Control? Are you mad?

Picked up about a load of PS3 controllers though on the last trading day at $10 a piece.

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In-flight movies via BYOD? Just what I always wan... argh no we’re all going to die!

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Read a book

I usually take my aged HP TC4200 on flights with its extended battery pack for in flight entertainment.

I usually slip the supplied regular battery into my coat (See Icon) when it comes to weighing in my carry on luggage & refitting it shortly afterwards later.

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HR botches redundancy so chap scores year-long paid holiday

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: The Real Ale Defence

I also like Fosters, but can't get it draught here in Alberta (I have seen it in Medicine Hat once apparently on draught but the hotel bar had done last call so I was bang out of luck).

Over a period of one year & two trips back to Blighty I found that every draught lager had severely lost it's head & tasted flat\watery compared to my earlier visit. It had improved a little on my last trip in 2014.

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Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Mark York 3
Boffin

BTEC Engineering

That takes me back to Swindon College 1988 & the tutor we dubbed "Chernobyl" with his two fixations 6800 processors & wibbly wobbly timey wimey flashback............

About 1 hour doing labwork on a Wednesday morning & 1pm - 4pm with him lecturing (us trying to stay awake with various degrees of success, we quickly learned that the afternoons (invariably pissing down outside & lulling our senses further toward 40 winks) were a write off) & then somehow he would be triggered by a question\scenario (heaven help us if it was before mid afternoon break) & fixate for the rest of the afternoon on partial address decoding moving us further towards the land of nod or wishing for death.

I have no idea what I really learned or how I managed to pass that subject (Along with "Dangermouse" & his version of teaching analogue electronics IV by throwing extremely advanced mathematics at us from 9am - 12pm for 3 hours Friday mornings).

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BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

Mark York 3
Pint

Vauxhall\Opel Radios

Easy enough to read the code off of those things (still have the case & breadboard in the bowels of my garage) & a quick dump of the memory. The code itself is somewhere near the bottom IIRC.

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Canny Canadian PM schools snarky hack on quantum computing

Mark York 3
Flame

Re: Canadian Republicans

The Wisdom of Justin Trudeau.

"The budget will balance itself."

"It's very worrying, especially because Russia lost in hockey, they'll be in a bad mood. We fear Russia's involvement in Ukraine."

"I am not going to talk about this anymore because I am setting a new standard for transparency."

"I don't read the newspapers, I don't watch the news. If something important happens, someone will tell me."

"[Do you regret making the comment about China, that it was the country you most admire]:

''Maybe we shouldn't be so smug about Canada.""

"[Is Canada better served when there are more Quebeckers in power than Albertans?]''

''I'm a Liberal, so obviously I think so."

"Canada isn't doing well right now because it's Albertans who control our community and socio-democratic agenda. It doesn't work."

"I've always known that it's sometimes an advantage to be a Trudeau."

"[Do you think the claim to the North Pole is with Canada?]''

''I'm going to defer to scientists."

"I am very much in favour of the west-east pipeline.''

''The East Energy Oil pipeline is not socially acceptable."

"If you kill your enemies, they win"

I have yet to meet anyone (who was not a party member) who to my face has anything remotely positive about either him or our Albertan Premier.

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