* Posts by Mark York 3

199 posts • joined 16 Jun 2009

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Installing disks is basically LEGO, right? This admin failed LEGO

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Back In The Days Of Yore (1999)

Customer wanted to fit a CD Burner (circa 1999 & still quite pricey), that had got missed off his order.

"Ship it to me & I'll fit it myself!"

One HP burner shipped out 2 days later.

"This piece of crap doesn't work!"

"Bring it all back in please Sir"

One day & a drive back to us from North Devon, we open it up to find the drive is secured with 1" wood screws not the ones supplied in the box ("I didn't see those\Why didn't you tell me?" "Did you read the enclosed instructions Sir?").

Or as the guy that flipped the 220V PSU switch to 110V "to see what would happen" found out.

Fitted the new PSU & found Windows was totally corrupted.

"I'll reinstall it myself he says"

The HDD is in such a state of shock from having been "Shut down unexpectedly" it won't reinstall.

Another HDD, reinstall Windows & apps & recover his data took about 2 days as he didn't have a backup

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Microsoft ups Surface slab prices for Brits. Darn weak pound, eh?

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Just say 'sod off MS I ain't paying that much'

Montana is closest for me with no sales tax with fantastic views too.

No Microsoft Stores either mind but Amazon will deliver to your hotel (& the sales tax is charged at the rate of the your delivery address).

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Welcome to my world of The Unexplained – yes, you're welcome to it

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Batteries

Had that here in Alberta recently my Avalanches old battery couldn't cut the mustard first thing on a cold morning (its not called Cold Crank Amperage for nothing). A very nice man from AMA dropped in a new one for an additional $20 (Unlike Crappy Tire who wanted $200), which saved me the hassle of doing it myself.

I used to have a TR7 back in Blighty that continually needed jump starts, after various batteries\alternators a humping great battery used on Volvos (about twice the CCA IIRC) just about fitted (it over hung) into the battery bay, main reason being the starter motor harness cabling had developed a impedance & there was a voltage drop across the harness from the battery to the starter motor, that was giving the "flat battery" symptoms.

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You want WHO?! Reg readers vote Tom Baker for Doctor 13. Of course

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Hang on...

Wellllllllllllll! Technically yes

http://nerdapproved.com/misc-weirdness/how-the-doctors-are-numbered-according-to-the-bbc/

& don't wander off!

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Hyperloop sueball noose-man launches tube-travel rival

Mark York 3
Alien

Moonbase Alpha

Travel Tube not tube travel as used by Moonbase Alpha.

Icon because Dragons Domain still has a lot to answer for even after all these years!

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Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

Mark York 3
Joke

Re: Let's think big

He would be like the Third Doctor, stuck largely with a inoperable TARDIS (Inoperable because he can't reach the controls console).

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Coming to the big screen: Sci-fi epic Dune – no wait, wait, wait, this one might be good

Mark York 3
Devil

Re: Make something new

........you forgot the rape of Lena.

Icon just for Lord Foul......

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Mark York 3
Coat

Re: I am obviously alone in this.

& then it rained....

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Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: I thought Arrival was decent.

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey… stuff.

Sally: Yeah, I’ve seen this bit before. You said that sentence got away from you.

The Doctor: It got away from me, yeah.

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Chevy Bolt electric car came alive, reversed into my workbench, says stunned bloke

Mark York 3
Angel

Re: Fault between chair and steering wheel

My new Jeep has a electronic "parking brake", that is currently set to come on automatically, when the vehicle is in park (handy as the wife has a habit of claiming any real estate in the centre for her crap).

Still has to be manually released by pushing the button on the center console.

I'm still in two minds on using the parking brake overnight in winter, here in Canada the temperature can drop from 10C one day to something like -18C the next morning (Usually -28C the day after that). Most places I park are on level ground, but there is a incline on my drive.

What can be quite amusing to hear about is those with excessively heated garages driving out from say 20C to -25C & wondering why the windscreen disappears into a shower of glass within seconds of leaving the garage.

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Boffins turn timid mice into psycho killers – by firing lasers into brains

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Shocking cock-up. The mice were furious

These creatures you call mice you see are not quite as they appear, they are merely the protrusions into our dimension of vast, hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings. The business with the cheese and squeaking is just a front.

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You know what, maybe Tabby's star ate a planet, ponder space eggheads

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Because curiously enough, we haven’t actually heard a peep out of them since we left

Unless, of course, they were eaten by the goat.

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Sysadmin 'fixed' PC by hiding it on a bookshelf for a few weeks

Mark York 3
FAIL

Re: Suppliers

In extreme cases, I've been known to induce a more definitive failure on a item, by putting in a microwave for 2 - 5 seconds.

Cuts down the time spent on the phone with the vendor too.

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Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Suppliers

I usually swap out the HDD of a known working unit in those cases, before I ring Hell or DP.

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Rogue One: This is the Star Wars back story you've been looking for

Mark York 3
Mushroom

I can sympathise

A mate of mine stopped to chat to a friend in the cinema queue causing more people to get in at the queue before us.

Result - Stuck at the near front (gazing at the posters for Salon Kitty helped pass the time) & missed the next episode (No videos in those days) of Doctor Who.

A week later it snowed & his younger brother had the Odeon cinema pretty much all to himself.

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Microsoft quietly emits patch to undo its earlier patch that broke Windows 10 networking

Mark York 3
Pint

Sucking Eggs, Zombie Users or PC's (Take Your Choice).

For all those niggling loss of connectivity issues my users used to experience across North America, I used to remote in, turn off the NIC power management in device manager & drop a batch file on the desktop that performed:

ipconfig /release

ipconfig /flushdns

netsh winsock reset

restart the machine

The last part was required as the result of the first command severing my RDP connection or Lync\Skype For Business session.

A quick fix & a step closer to beer o'clock.

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RIP HPE's The Machine product, 2014-2016: We hardly knew ye

Mark York 3
Big Brother

Did Samaritan Win Out After All?

How sad not a single Person Of Interest reference.

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Stay out of my server room!

Mark York 3

Slaughterhouse Blues

Yup that happened (before my time) at the slaughterhouse I worked at - The PFI (Intern) was sent in to clean it out.

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World-leading heart hospital 'very, very lucky' to dodge ransomware hit

Mark York 3

Re: Prepare

I think that they refer to it as "Yee Haaaaa!"

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R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Mark York 3
Terminator

BOFH - Life imitating Art

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/09/17/bofh_2010_episode_10/ - bofh_2010_episode_17

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If we can't fix this printer tonight, the bank's core app will stop working

Mark York 3
Boffin

Re: Meh! -

Upvote as I used to provide IT support for 40+ stroppy feckers (One of which was my landlady - Thats a whole different story) in a Microbiology lab for a global pharmacuetical co.

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Hackers hijack Tesla Model S from afar, while the cars are moving

Mark York 3
Terminator

Onestar

No longer a problem since they decommissioned the old cell phone frequencies & by extension the on-board equipment in both the families cars in Canadaland - Pleas via phone calls, snail mail for the upgrade\replacement equipment fee (Twice with one vehicle less than 4 years old) fell on deaf ears.

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Drama in orbit: Brazen UFO attacks Earth's Sentinel-1A satellite

Mark York 3

UFO

SID *would not have been caught so unawares.

*Space Intruder Detector

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Render crashing PCs back to their component silicon: They deserve it

Mark York 3
Devil

The Sleeper Has Awoken.

Up for 36 hours straight & about to leave for the airport from home & my aged TC4200 decides its going to invoke the BIOS HDD password (from no where) & then freeze (this after fighting a bloody pain in the ass printer to get travel docs printed out earlier).

Thank Oh mighty Shai-huludKeeper of balance, that I had a almost as old T60 prepped with Windows 10 that was almost ready to go (once data transferred from somewhere else & a 1GB stick dropped in).

The sleeper has awoken & is going downstairs for breakfast!

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Computerised stock management? Nah, let’s use walkie-talkies

Mark York 3
Linux

Re: Feet like flippers?

I also like Hush Puppies.

I love pointing out the Shoe Event Horizon in shoe shops, when I get get asked by the wife or staff why I'm buying a spare set of shoes (that actually comfortably fit & are on some form of sale\discount - Bloody expensive in Canadaland).

COMPU-TEACH:

Posit: you are living in a stagnant, declining civilisation. Where are you looking?

PUPIL:

Down.

COMPU-TEACH:

What do you see?

PUPIL:

My shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct! What do you do to cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

Uhm… press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

Incorrect! Think again. Your world is a depressing place; you are looking at your shoes. How do you cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

I buy a new pair.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct!

PUPIL:

Can I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

All right.

PUPIL:

Wa-ho! So nice.

COMPU-TEACH:

Now, imagine everyone does the same thing. What happens?

PUPIL:

Everyone feels nice?

COMPU-TEACH:

Ah, forget the button! Concentrate! Everyone buys new shoes. What happens?

PUPIL:

More shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct.

PUPIL:

Can I - ?

COMPU-TEACH:

No, no.

PUPIL:

Oh-oooo.

COMPU-TEACH:

And in order to support all these extra shoe shops, what must happen?

PUPIL:

Everyone… must keep buying shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And how is that arranged?

PUPIL:

Manufacturers dictate more and more different fashions and make shoes so badly that they either hurt the feet or fall apart.

COMPU-TEACH:

So that?

PUPIL:

Everyone has to buy more shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Until?

PUPIL:

Until… everyone gets fed up with lousy, rotten shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?

PUPIL:

Why can’t I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?! Come on!

PUPIL:

Massive capital investment by the manufacturers to try and make people buy the shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Which means?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?

PUPIL:

The point where I press the button again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Oh, all right.

PUPIL:

Wa-hoo! Ahhhh… So nice, that’s really nice!

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?!

PUPIL:

The Shoe Event Horizon! The whole economy overbalances; shoe shops outnumber every kind of shop! It becomes economically impossible to build anything other than shoe shops, and bingo, I get to press the button again!

PUPIL:

Wooo!

COMPU-TEACH:

Wait for permission! Now, what’s the final stage?

PUPIL:

Umm. Every shop in the world ends up as a shoe shop.

COMPU-TEACH:

Full of?

PUPIL:

Shoes that no one can wear.

COMPU-TEACH:

Result.

PUPIL:

Famine, collapse, and ruin. Any survivors eventually evolve into… birds and never put their feet on the ground again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Excellent! End of Lesson. You may press the button.

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Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: SAP? ..for Inventory Control? Are you mad?

Picked up about a load of PS3 controllers though on the last trading day at $10 a piece.

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In-flight movies via BYOD? Just what I always wan... argh no we’re all going to die!

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Read a book

I usually take my aged HP TC4200 on flights with its extended battery pack for in flight entertainment.

I usually slip the supplied regular battery into my coat (See Icon) when it comes to weighing in my carry on luggage & refitting it shortly afterwards later.

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HR botches redundancy so chap scores year-long paid holiday

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: The Real Ale Defence

I also like Fosters, but can't get it draught here in Alberta (I have seen it in Medicine Hat once apparently on draught but the hotel bar had done last call so I was bang out of luck).

Over a period of one year & two trips back to Blighty I found that every draught lager had severely lost it's head & tasted flat\watery compared to my earlier visit. It had improved a little on my last trip in 2014.

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Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Mark York 3
Boffin

BTEC Engineering

That takes me back to Swindon College 1988 & the tutor we dubbed "Chernobyl" with his two fixations 6800 processors & wibbly wobbly timey wimey flashback............

About 1 hour doing labwork on a Wednesday morning & 1pm - 4pm with him lecturing (us trying to stay awake with various degrees of success, we quickly learned that the afternoons (invariably pissing down outside & lulling our senses further toward 40 winks) were a write off) & then somehow he would be triggered by a question\scenario (heaven help us if it was before mid afternoon break) & fixate for the rest of the afternoon on partial address decoding moving us further towards the land of nod or wishing for death.

I have no idea what I really learned or how I managed to pass that subject (Along with "Dangermouse" & his version of teaching analogue electronics IV by throwing extremely advanced mathematics at us from 9am - 12pm for 3 hours Friday mornings).

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BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

Mark York 3
Pint

Vauxhall\Opel Radios

Easy enough to read the code off of those things (still have the case & breadboard in the bowels of my garage) & a quick dump of the memory. The code itself is somewhere near the bottom IIRC.

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Canny Canadian PM schools snarky hack on quantum computing

Mark York 3
Flame

Re: Canadian Republicans

The Wisdom of Justin Trudeau.

"The budget will balance itself."

"It's very worrying, especially because Russia lost in hockey, they'll be in a bad mood. We fear Russia's involvement in Ukraine."

"I am not going to talk about this anymore because I am setting a new standard for transparency."

"I don't read the newspapers, I don't watch the news. If something important happens, someone will tell me."

"[Do you regret making the comment about China, that it was the country you most admire]:

''Maybe we shouldn't be so smug about Canada.""

"[Is Canada better served when there are more Quebeckers in power than Albertans?]''

''I'm a Liberal, so obviously I think so."

"Canada isn't doing well right now because it's Albertans who control our community and socio-democratic agenda. It doesn't work."

"I've always known that it's sometimes an advantage to be a Trudeau."

"[Do you think the claim to the North Pole is with Canada?]''

''I'm going to defer to scientists."

"I am very much in favour of the west-east pipeline.''

''The East Energy Oil pipeline is not socially acceptable."

"If you kill your enemies, they win"

I have yet to meet anyone (who was not a party member) who to my face has anything remotely positive about either him or our Albertan Premier.

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Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: Could be interesting

"One of the more common ones is sat with one leg folded underneath me"

There was a rather nice young lady that used to sit like that at the National Rail Enquiry Service, only she would bounce\rub her crotch against her foot, while giving out time table information.

I always made sure that any machines for replacement for her group of operators were done when she was duty. :D

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IT pros are a bunch of wedding and funeral-dodging sickos

Mark York 3

Re: Mystical creatures

I had a call center deployment for National Rail Enquiry Service, I always did one table & have to adjust the cabling, whenever one young lady would sit with one of her feet positioned to rub\press a certain bit of her anatomy as she would "bounce" herself against the foot while she gave out timetabling information.

That with a tea lady dispensing tea throughout the day (I was averaging 4-6 cups a hour), made it one of the best, but sadly short term contracts I was on.

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Trouble brewing as iThing coffee machine seems to be hackable

Mark York 3

Re: Kettle user

& the piddly small cups.

I need half a pint minimum to start the day in a good mood..

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Mark York 3
Flame

Re: Kettle user

My kettle is connected via a remote controlled switch, I fill it the night before, turn it on (& the RC switch off).

Alarm goes off, hand emerges from the duvet then gropes finds the bedside remote control, get up 5 minutes later & make the tea. This is especially important when its -30C outside the house.

My cellphone is purposely left downstairs to charge overnight - Sadly that's about to change with the advent of 24/7 365 day support model.

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Let's get to the bottom of in-app purchases that go titsup

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

Re: Old TVs

An old Sobell 405 line set, with 12 (maybe less) presets on a rotary control (the numbering wasn't sequential either now I come to think of it) for ITV sharp clear picture until the chronic frame collapse kicked in (First widescreen TV in the street - LOL) & BBC (BBC2 on 625 lines was right out the window) was a cloud of fuzz (worse in the summer thanks to continental (as my mother termed it)\co-channel interference).

Father was finally shamed into getting a new one by either visiting his sister for a wedding & or howls of amusement by his visiting sister in-law sometime around 1978 of "How the fuck can you see anything on that 3" wide stripe!" Thus saving my eyes from permanent damage (Hence the icon)!

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How long does it take an NHS doctor to turn on a computer?

Mark York 3
Holmes

Knowing the difference!

But Live is only "live" for 50% of the time, unlike DC.

On a amusing side note of user lack of foresight - Great mirth was had last evening at the the expense of someone who has just discovered that the kitchen's adjustable ceiling lights are surprise surprise adjustable!

She unknown to me on occasion had used a torch just to see & operate the coffee machines in the evenings.

I'm somewhat in the shit for posting that story on Faecesbook last night with seeing family & friends commenting.

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Will IT support please come to the ward immediately. Weeeee have a tricky problem

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

School IT.

Child, lunch, vomit, keyboard is the approximate sequence of events.

Teacher:"Do you want the old one to take back with you?"

Me:"I think electronic waste disposal regs can take a hike on that one, plus I don't want to be carrying biologically hazardous material with me either or indeed stinking out my TR7 with kid spew!"

Teacher:"OK I'll stick it in the bin, didn't think you'd want it, but we kept it just in case!"

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Mark York 3

Re: Pharmacutical Company.

Ahhh Pharmaceutical Company, best time of my life ten years ago, matched only by currently working in a slaughterhouse.

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VW’s case of NOxious emissions: a tale of SMOKE and MIRRORS?

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Fixed that!

Problem exists between steering wheel\column & chair!

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BOFH: I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know

Mark York 3
Holmes

Re: For the nice people across the pond

I didn't know that,explains the frequent airplay over here in Canada (really loathe the remix version that usually gets played).

I usually spend a lot of time trying to figure out if that actually is rural England in the video & where, so I finally googled it, West Kington, near Chippenham.

Icon - A Clever Man With A Hat.

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Cisco shocker: Some network switches may ELECTROCUTE you

Mark York 3
FAIL

User Stupidity!

Fitting a CD-Rom with 1/2" wood screws & then wondering (complaining) why wouldn't we cover it under warranty (correct screws provided in the CD-Rom box) for not working after install.

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Unique astronaut job perk: Create a SHOOTING STAR by having a dump

Mark York 3
Coat

Updated lyrics for "A New England" by Billy Bragg (Or Kirsty)

"I saw two shitting stars last night

I wished on them but they came down from satellites

It's so wrong to crap from space hardware

Oh fuck Oh damn now it's in my hair......."

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Attempted bank robber demands cash transfer ... to his own account

Mark York 3
Holmes

The Other Rainham

I was expecting the Rainham in Essex (Where the Outlaws used to live).

Sherlock for obvious reasons...

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Doctor Who returns to our screens next week – so, WHO is the worst Time Lord of them all?

Mark York 3
Alien

Megabyte Modem

I had to go with Colin (sorry) rather than Sly & mainly due to "The Trial...."(the last part especially).

Production values, scripting, Bonnie fucking Langford & all applied to either of them, but the one thing I can't really forgive is the phrase Megabyte Modem.

PS Why wasn't The Valeyard in the list....

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Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off him

"OOK OOK OOOK OOOOOK!"

Google translates as "Hmm still no Facebook requests or messages"......sigh... "Why can't my descendants just accept & be proud of me or just for once invite me ‘round to dinner".

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Reg reader casts call centre spell with a SECRET WORD

Mark York 3

Re: Dog eating dog

My colleague who sits adjacent to me now does all the plant equipment IT & I do the standard stuff here & at other sites. Had a recent phone chat with our "Highly Paid" contract representative about the fact it took upwards of 90 minutes, + photos & event & supplies logs, coupled with answering the most pointless of "troubleshooting" questions before we even got a tech on site, who would then have to order up all the parts requested at the outset as the fault fad already been diagnosed.

He was stunned to listen in to a conference call to demonstrate the 40 - 60 seconds it took to log a typical call with we "CAN bOok you in Now" call desk.

I have now a set piece of speil to at least cut it down to 45 mins from our contract wording....

We have the right of first refusal, the equipment is in a production area which cannot be taken out of service unless pre-booked in advance, there is a expectation of the troubleshooting procedures to be taken in advance & I have the event, supplies & configuration logs along with any photo's ready to be emailed up to the tech support representative.

Even so the tech still turned up with only half the parts on Friday, returning on Monday & even phoned in a second repair for the other printer ticket I had while on-site.

My colleague has another less subtle approach once he is sufficiently riled & that doesn't take long.

"Do you know what we do here, the normal printer guy you send out is of the same ethnic grouping as you (from your accent), send him with the parts I want fitted so the printer is up & running after his first visit & he gets out asap, unless you & he want the pleasure (& presumably later experiencing the wrath) of multiple visits walking through a floor with various body bits of your gods as they are being slaughtered & turned into something tasty."

There's usually a pause & a quick call to action.....

The icon is chosen purely for it's tag on selection....

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Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Eddie Izzard

They charge you at least $100 to plug in the OBDC reader here, even with the fault code & going to another cheaper garage with the first quote a friend got charged again "Just to check the issue Sir".

I wish I could charge a $100 just to pick up a basic piece of diagnostic equipment, turned me scope on apply probe to circuit board "That will be $100+tax.....Oh the fault.....I don't know I'll have to look into it!"

I ended up buying a OBDC reader that was on a special deal, transient engine warning messages fly up all the time, even due to the amount of fuel in the tank & the general temperature (these can clear themselves or after removing the filler cap for a few minutes or filling up, remembering to turn the ratcheting cap fully 3 times, then watch it disappear 2 miles down the road) causing a headless chicken panic struck reaction from the wife to drive into the nearest dealership to ripped off even when she knows I have the reader & home is 3 minutes away..

These days I can read them, clear the error & see if it comes back immediately.

Last night the truck decided to warn me in red letters that the battery charging system needs attention, I think this happened once before with the wife driving into a valley of cooler air (she was designated driver) & I'm hoping the same is true today that it was some kind of temperature related\belt slipping issue (& I have been meaning to change the belt for 2 years now).

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