* Posts by Mark York 3

243 posts • joined 16 Jun 2009

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

More From Marvin.......(Same Episode A Few Lines Later)

FROGSTAR ROBOT:

Oh you ain’t seen nothing yet, I can take this floor out too… no trouble!

[Robot fires at floor which gives way]

FROGSTAR ROBOT:

oh dear!

[Robot falls through hole in floor]

FROGSTAR ROBOT:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

MARVIN:

What a depressingly stupid machine.

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Jodie Who-ttaker? The Doctor is in

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Regenerate a few more fingers?

She is the 15th incarnation (14th regeneration), but referred to as number 13.

The Five Doctors

First Doctor: Regeneration?

Fifth Doctor: Fourth.

First Doctor: Goodness me! So, there are five of me now!

I actually prefer leather coats to anoraks (AKA Atmospheric Density Jackets - The Web Planet).

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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Mark York 3
Holmes

Re: One week at Bigger Blue.

I take my dress code cues, from the enviroment when I interview, worst case business casual - When I started at the slaughterhouse, home casual odd jobs casual was the style of the day.

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Mark York 3
WTF?

Re: After vacation

Worked with a Mr Bean type character (dress style, mannerisms, life outlook), he commuted in from Taunton daily, one week his car was in for repair (Putting down - It used to have a mohawk that looked like a flock of Albatross's had shat on it) & he checked into a B&B, with no change of clothes at all, no hygiene products & slept in his underwear.

By Friday he was ripe to say the least.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

Mark York 3

Up a tree!

You missed something.

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Mark York 3
Pint

Re: No contest

My wife doesn't appreciate it either.

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On the couch with an AI robo-doc asking me personal questions

Mark York 3
Pint

Not under the Hanshott First Rule it isn't.

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French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

Mark York 3
Mushroom

When I Were A Lad.....

My first proper job was working at a airport where they serviced DC3's.

Quite a few of the staff used to suppliment their petrol bill by siphoning off a gallon or three of AVGas (including one foreman known as "Hovis" who was found in the act by a colleague at 3am after returning a late night run of taking urgent parts to Birmingham EM).

One other young lad decided to run his little moped on it full time draining fuel from a couple of DC'3s parked outside, those of us on 2 wheels used them as covered parking space (Something like a Honda Sky 50), completely knackered his engine.

I dont think he ran his new machine on it after that

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Dixons Carphone stirs PC Curry, reports 10% profit gravy

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Re: They have their uses

Rings a bell - The outlet literally backed on to my rear garden & had to walk through the service road\delivery loading area to get to the store main entrance.

Could or would they let me transport a dishwasher home 200 yards (I had to circumnavigate a fence or 200 feet as the unladen swallow flies) on one of their trolleys from the rear service door that I could see from my kitchen door - No they would not.

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PC rebooted every time user flushed the toilet

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Sea-skimming microwave

Something similar years ago in the 80's\90's, new (first one in the house) colour TV, would lose colour information on a house near a estuary, the aerial installer had aimed at the transmitter & got a colour picture "satisfied job done".

As the tide washed in\out the signal level dropped off & the TV just about kept enough of the signal to display in glorious mono.

Aiming at a different transmitter solved the issue.

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That minutes-long power glitch? It's going to cost British Airways £80m, IAG investors told

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: Uh oh..

Can we have a Jenna Stannis icon instead?

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f4/5e/05/f45e05b4613f2bbd70ef5b49e5dcad48.jpg

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BA passengers caught in crossfire of Heathrow baggage meltdown

Mark York 3
Black Helicopters

Safety In The Balance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZbH62Bn0oM

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Fear the dentist? Strap on some nerd goggles

Mark York 3
Trollface

Death of Popular Local Dentist*

I have little fear of dentists after encountering good ones recommended to me first by a friend & then the wife, following experiences with the dentist(s) I had as a kid & generally find it a relaxing experience.

Since moving to Canada things have really got that much better with the care, including a balloon rubber type of screen that sits behind your teeth & stops flakes of hot tooth dust falling down your throat while the drilling takes place.

*Popular (As reported in the local paper) in the respect he wasn't the dentist in Marathon Man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzw1_2b-I7A

Troll icon has what appears to be a full set of teeth.

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Currys PC World given a spanking for misleading laptop savings ads

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Staples

Had a few nice higher end laptops (ex-display) from Staples (Canada) & from my local branch in a small town outside of Calgary (Helps if you know the sales staff too) at good prices.

Had some nice misc nice purchases from the clearance bins\end of lines, as its a smaller town the manager usually applies a 25% discount (at the till) as a minimum right across the board on some of the better items.

I think my Sony 1080P camcorder cost me about $115.

I treat Best Buy\The Empty Units Formally Known As Future Shop in the same vein as Currys\PC World.

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It came from space! Two-headed flatworm stuns scientists

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Didn't I Tell You Baby I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox

Was that a double post or each head answering seperately?

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Sharp claims Hisense reverse-ferreted its US telly licence deal

Mark York 3
Facepalm

ITT\Grundig Anyone?

The last time I saw Grundig on a product it was on a 5 quid metal torch sold in Home Bargains or similar store in 2008/9

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We're not saying we're living in a simulation but someone's simulated the universe in a computer

Mark York 3
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DNA

ASSISTANT ARCTURAN PILOT:

Well you know what they say, don’t ya? They had to move to a bigger planet because he got so fat he kept sliding off the old one. I mean I’ve heard ya know, I’ve heard they’ve created a whole electronically synthesized universe in one of their offices so they can go and research stories during the day and still go to parties in the evening. Yeah, bloody clever, of course, but it’s got nothing to do with the real galaxy is it? Nothing to do with life.

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Please do not scare the pigeons – they'll crash the network

Mark York 3
Alert

Many Years Ago

Not sure where I heard it (might have been on El Reg) about a shit\urine flooded comms\electrical room in a basement.

Basically......

The building designer\plumbing contractor had routed all the black water into a straight pipe for the entire building (not sure if a office or tower block) with a 90 degree bend at the very bottom.

The inertial mass of free-falling turds with gallons of falling water from the top floors, had over time weakened the joint\pipe & the thing finally gave way. So the pipes contents instead of carrying on the journey to the sewers, the cellar comms room had taken on a new role as a septic tank.

Something not quite similar happened when a "restroom" flooded at a slaughterhouse I used to work at.

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I fought Ohm's Law and the law won: Drone crash takes out power to Silicon Valley homes

Mark York 3
Black Helicopters

Retirement Sucks.

He should leave the flying to Stringfellow Hawke.

http://airwolf.wikia.com/wiki/Michael_Coldsmith-Briggs_III

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First-day-on-the-job dev: I accidentally nuked production database, was instantly fired

Mark York 3
Flame

Caught Out At Least Once By Dodgy Doc's

Installing & configuring new servers in branches of a Canadian bank.

They came pre-configured up to a point & then it was just a case of following the documentation until one crucial point where the required configuration details have just been input by yourself........

...... the document tails to a point where the bottom half of the page is blank, the next is also blank, as is the first half of the next one..........

Which finally puts up a image of a Stop sign & on the next full page says "Do not press enter at this point, if you have you will have to reimage the server from scratch using your provided reimage media"

This is not what you want to realise you have done at 12.30am.

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BA IT systems failure: Uninterruptible Power Supply was interrupted

Mark York 3
Facepalm

Had a similar situation with a planned building shutdown, I was scheduled to be on-site for the testing of all desktop equipment 9am Sunday morning at our office suite.

Nobody had switched the bypass on the UPS before Friday shutdown (servers powered down safely though), UPS dead, India thought I would be at my desk 40 miles away from where the building was at 3am & left lots of messages about why were the servers not coming back up remotely.

I turned up on schedule & in the dark (figuratively), electrical contractors for the UPS had to turn up & test each battery in turn just in case one "blew" when power was restored.

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Mark York 3
Holmes

Re: If it got interrupted...

At one facility I worked at & I don't have the full story of why......

The offshore support insisted on the former plant Sysadmin hitting the plants BRB, pictures were sent to the remote guy via email, he confirmed that was the button he wanted to be pushed & goodness gracious me it was going to be pushed. He was advised again of what it was that would be pushed & the consequences, the plant manager dutifully informed of what was required, what the offshore wanted & what would be the fallout.

& so it came to pass that the BRB was pushed on the word of the Technically Competent Support representative.

(Paraphrasing here........)

"Goodness gracious me, Why your plant disappearing from network?"

"Because the BRB you insisted that was the button you wanted pushing, despite my telling you that it was never to be pushed under pain of death has just shut down the entire plant."

I think it took until about 15 minutes before production was due to commence the following day to get everything back up & running.

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'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Giving the users what they ask for......

"Rick kindly arranged a new laptop that was actually 1Kg heavier and ran Windows NT. The second part of the fix was to format its hard drive with the NTFS file system"

FTFY

Based on my own experience's with people (all within a short distance of each other) at a certain pharmaceutical company with someone that declined a desktop refresh because he had previously petitioned his boss for a laptop instead.

Request granted......

Except he didn't get a sparkling clean one from the refresh stock (They were all allocated to replace laptops like for like) & got one that was still in scope for support for another year (His howls of complaint were quite amusing to my ears & those of his colleagues as he had been lording it over them for a month over his upgrade), he was shortly after more upset to discover that he couldn't get his desktop refresh as that machine had been reassigned to one that wasn't budgeted for replacement, but had since failed as out of warranty.

Or the guy that decided to jump the queue & get one ordered from another branch of the business (Head Office) & got annoyed when my group didn't have access to support\fix it locally.

Another queue jumper requested a higher spec machine transfer from a department closure (he got it) only to discover 3 weeks later after also lording it over with co-workers when I replaced all their machines.

"Wheres mine?"

"Ohhh Your old one was removed from the refresh project as out of project scope as you requested it be removed for disposal\transfer of assets, your now current machine will be replaced next year".

"Can I have my old one back to get the refresh?"

"Sorry wiped & decomissioned & on the pile, the replacement has been re-allocated to a machine that was due to be replaced, but the budget wasn't there to do so unless a upgrade wasn't required due to natural wastage"

A year later he was finally crowing about his new machine again, only to discover that the desktop replacement was of pretty much the same spec, but the chipset & software build now used a generic driver for the IDE controller instead of a specific (NT) one & that it was obviously slower in performance by comparison (Based on build & boot times).

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Microsoft founder Paul Allen reveals world's biggest-ever plane

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Re: Hang on...

Including Granny cooking the food in a nuclear cooker & not being able to get the rods right if I recall correctly.

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First cardboard goggles, now this: Google's cardboard 'DIY AI' box powered by an RPi 3

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: AI In A Box = Box From Star Cops.

I'd forgotten about that "single shot" ability.

Have a thumbs up for kudos to RH.

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Mark York 3
Coat

AI In A Box = Box From Star Cops.

http://blog.drewprops.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2013_starcops_002.jpg

Orac came a close second, but lost out for the simple reason of portability.

Icon = Which pocket is the bloody thing in.

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NASA's Cassini snaps pic inside Saturn's ring – peace among the stars

Mark York 3
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Probe plunges deep into dark cosmic hole

& presumably climbed back out, because it started to like it too much.

"I called for succour in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell!"

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Drunk user blow-dried laptop after dog lifted its leg over the keyboard

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

Re: Meow

.......for approximately nine months.

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Mastercard launches card that replaces PIN with fingerprint sensor

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Unless Your Name Is Timothy Ifield!

You only have eight fingertips & two thumbprints.

I see a Tim Ifield situation developing in the near future.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2017/04/02/line-duty-blindsides-viewers-canny-genius-episode-2-review/

How did Captain Hook die? He had a ***k with the wrong hand!

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Burger King's 'OK Google' sad ad saga somehow gets worse

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: Rat Burger

Heat N Serve!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUalL4Swz4

PH because she will put pretty much anything into her mouth.

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Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

Mark York 3
Childcatcher

Re: Bah!

It was Magpie (Blue Peter clone on ITV), with Jennie Hanley wearing a lab coat & spectacles in the "lab photo".

The joke concept was that it would change state back into water, on exposure to strong light.

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Printer blown to bits by compressed air

Mark York 3
Flame

Re: Dangerous

Just came back from a training weekend down south in Orange County (same airport as Harrison Ford "Schmucked up his aircraft landing") & tale of a high pressure steam leakage on a submarine was told to me by one of the attendees (quite a few ex-navy attendees actually).

When a pin prick leak occurs in a high pressure steam pipe, it's visible as a "cloud" in the general vicinity, when that's spotted all in the immediate area freeze & slowly look about for something within arms reach to use as a guide like a spanner or wrench as the North Americans have it, then move it in the general area of the cloud to find where it intersects with the leak, the results are pretty obvious once it does so.

A newbie submariner, forgot all his training on his trip out, spotted the leak & immediately went to point it out to his shipmates (he was also in an area of the boat he wasn't really supposed to be in) inadvertently using his arm as the detection device.

His forearm connected with the high pressure steam jet & a Anakin Skywalker type injury occurred, as the jet sliced through the flesh & bone severing without hope of re-attachment (Both sides of the wound cauterized instantly).

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PC survived lightning strike thanks to a good kicking

Mark York 3
Pirate

Had that the repair & recovery bill for the client was satisfyingly pleasing (even if I didn't get a penny of it) to recover his data from a HDD that basically screwed its FAT at the worst possible moment & contained his entire companies accounting records.

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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Potentially bright lad, I thought.

Wet behind the ears but a BOFH in the making after a time spent as an apprentice moving eventually to PFY status (they ain't getting any younger (Sorry Simon)).

I’ll mention what you said to my aunt.

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Samsung's Bixby totally isn't a Siri ripoff because look – it'll go in phones, TVs, fridges, air con...

Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Samsung's duplicitous duplication doubles datamining

With the advance of AI into humanlike sentience, it's more likely the loser gets to do the task, while the victor oversee's operations.

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BBC hooks up with ITV, launches long awaited US subscription VoD

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Umm, what about the rest of us?!

United States of Trumpton - FTFY.

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Get a GRIP! Robolution ain't happening until TOUCH is cracked

Mark York 3
Pirate

Re: Interesting

The Ice Pirates......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KcTCRSZBUU May not be SFW

Icon because of the blades.....

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Two-thirds of TV Licensing prosecutions at one London court targeted women

Mark York 3
Joke

Re: Seems a good deal to me

You just gave me a flashback to NTNON - Points of View Sketch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lzS8yW8INA

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BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: reduced fat lard?

& ".......may not be used where there is life"

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Mark York 3
Holmes

Re: Right Royal Softly, Softly, ...... Catchee GCHQ and Assorted Monkeys ....

He's our very own Captain Fang.

http://yafgc.net/comic/0493-the-wrong-hands/

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Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: Reminds me

I use a set of bluetooth headphones, not noise cancelling but it helps when in a server room & talking to a remote network operations bod.

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Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Damn.

Well it worked for the Tomb of the Cybermen on Telos.

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New UK laws address driverless cars insurance and liability

Mark York 3
Go

Re: failed to "install software updates to the vehicle’s operating system - hmm

The Magic Roundabout is fantastically brilliant to drive through.

I used to whip around that thing in seconds (for some reason that junction always clogged up when it was raining), you just had to get into the mindset of effectively going the wrong way around, which was the way it was intended to be used.

If you think of it as packets of network traffic, I can see it actually being well suited for such a AI as the approaching traffic could be shaped to go around in the most efficient manner depending on the intended destination.

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I was authorized to trash my employer's network, sysadmin tells court

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Easy fix - A friend who consistently wants me to work for him.

I have told him in the spirit of our usual drinks sessions that I want the right to call him exactly that (or similar worded sentiments) if the situation warrants it written into my contract of employment.

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Installing disks is basically LEGO, right? This admin failed LEGO

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Back In The Days Of Yore (1999)

Customer wanted to fit a CD Burner (circa 1999 & still quite pricey), that had got missed off his order.

"Ship it to me & I'll fit it myself!"

One HP burner shipped out 2 days later.

"This piece of crap doesn't work!"

"Bring it all back in please Sir"

One day & a drive back to us from North Devon, we open it up to find the drive is secured with 1" wood screws not the ones supplied in the box ("I didn't see those\Why didn't you tell me?" "Did you read the enclosed instructions Sir?").

Or as the guy that flipped the 220V PSU switch to 110V "to see what would happen" found out.

Fitted the new PSU & found Windows was totally corrupted.

"I'll reinstall it myself he says"

The HDD is in such a state of shock from having been "Shut down unexpectedly" it won't reinstall.

Another HDD, reinstall Windows & apps & recover his data took about 2 days as he didn't have a backup

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Microsoft ups Surface slab prices for Brits. Darn weak pound, eh?

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Just say 'sod off MS I ain't paying that much'

Montana is closest for me with no sales tax with fantastic views too.

No Microsoft Stores either mind but Amazon will deliver to your hotel (& the sales tax is charged at the rate of the your delivery address).

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Welcome to my world of The Unexplained – yes, you're welcome to it

Mark York 3
Go

Re: Batteries

Had that here in Alberta recently my Avalanches old battery couldn't cut the mustard first thing on a cold morning (its not called Cold Crank Amperage for nothing). A very nice man from AMA dropped in a new one for an additional $20 (Unlike Crappy Tire who wanted $200), which saved me the hassle of doing it myself.

I used to have a TR7 back in Blighty that continually needed jump starts, after various batteries\alternators a humping great battery used on Volvos (about twice the CCA IIRC) just about fitted (it over hung) into the battery bay, main reason being the starter motor harness cabling had developed a impedance & there was a voltage drop across the harness from the battery to the starter motor, that was giving the "flat battery" symptoms.

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You want WHO?! Reg readers vote Tom Baker for Doctor 13. Of course

Mark York 3
Coat

Re: Hang on...

Wellllllllllllll! Technically yes

http://nerdapproved.com/misc-weirdness/how-the-doctors-are-numbered-according-to-the-bbc/

& don't wander off!

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Hyperloop sueball noose-man launches tube-travel rival

Mark York 3
Alien

Moonbase Alpha

Travel Tube not tube travel as used by Moonbase Alpha.

Icon because Dragons Domain still has a lot to answer for even after all these years!

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Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

Mark York 3
Joke

Re: Let's think big

He would be like the Third Doctor, stuck largely with a inoperable TARDIS (Inoperable because he can't reach the controls console).

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