* Posts by Andy 97

483 posts • joined 12 Jun 2009


Facebook blames 'server config change' for 14-hour outage. Someone run that through the universal liar translator

Andy 97

Re: The worst thing about this outage...

Instagram is though..

They've got da kidz in their clutches too.

Andy 97

Re: Facebook was down?

You'd think a company with the sizeable cash resources of FB would have a better PR firm/gnomes engaged...

Secret mic in Nest gear wasn't supposed to be a secret, says Google, we just forgot to tell anyone

Andy 97

Re: Don't be........

Sounds like you need one of these....


Sussex rap fan wants statue of Easy-E from NWA in his hometown because he's a 'legend'

Andy 97

Re: Surrey?

Shhhh, it's a slow news day.

Most munificent Apple killed itself with kindness. Oh. Really?

Andy 97

Re: New Stuff

Damn right!

In all honestly, your core requirements are identical to (I'd suggest) a majority of the goons on here.

When you're (like me) over 45, a swanky phone offers little in the way of additional benefits. We can spend the money we save on ill-fitting jeans and football season tickets.

Andy 97

Re-lightening plug.

I wasn't aware of this (thanks), I just think that if it gets dunked in the bog, I'd be unhappy to fish it out and use it again considering someone else has parked their breakfast in the same receptacle.

Andy 97

It begs the question, when do users feel that they've had (insert retail price) worth of use out of their device?

I only continue to get my 6s re-batteried or re-screened because I'm a tight git and Apple's had enough of my money for one lifetime. Also, Android doesn't do iMessage. I'll only replace it if I drop it in the loo or it gets nicked by some hoodlum.

Royal Bank of Scotland, Natwest fling new bank cards at folks after Ticketmaster hack

Andy 97


The first I heard of it was when I received one of those net promoter score surveys from their security team without having called them in the first place.

Cue; twenty minutes on the phone between three departments before I found out this reason.

What made it worse was that my card ran out at the end of this month anyway.

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

Andy 97

"I didn't get a Hurrumph out of that guy!"

I'm reminded of that scene during Blazing Saddles when the Governor receives a telegram from Rock Ridge:

"We've got to do something to protect our phoney-baloney jobs..."


Nobody in China wants Apple's eye-wateringly priced iPhones, sighs CEO Tim Cook

Andy 97

iMessage and the perceived green bubble of fail..

Unfortunately for Apple, China doesn't have enough market penetration of iOS devices for iMessage to have become as ubiquitous with their target demographic.

Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut

Andy 97


..they forgot that children always find a way to defeat rules.

Sometimes I wonder if it's more concerning that the people who make laws like this are utterly incompetent or that this will only make things worse.

Boffins build blazing battery bonfire

Andy 97

Liquid air?

I think this could be more of a better solution (unless you own shares in silicone)


If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Andy 97

Re: I doubt she'll ever be Home Secretary, but...

It was actually Winston Churchill who came up with the idea for the NHS.


If you have inner peace, it's probably 'cos your broadband works: Zen Internet least whinged-about Brit ISP – survey

Andy 97

Re: Another happy Zen customer here

When you do change your wifi router, be sure to change the DNS provider to someone other than the VM-provided one.

Most complaints about VM Broadband are related to their very unreliable, bundled DNS.

There are many other reasons to do this too, including not providing VM with your non-vpn'd web browsing habits - which some companies actually sell to 3rd parties.

Excuse me, but have you heard the teachings of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Chr-AI-st?

Andy 97

Re: Accuracy

You're absolutely correct, there are concordant translations out there, but are often derided by organised religion.

Finally. The palm-sized Palm phone is back. And it will, er, save you from your real smartphone

Andy 97

They have a product development team and they came-up with THIS?

Leaked memo: No internet until you clean your bathroom, Ecuador told Julian Assange

Andy 97

Why would he leave?

A central London pad with all the comforts of a nation's "shop window" for free.

He doesn't even need to do any work to pay rent.

World's largest CCTV maker leaves at least 9 million cameras open to public viewing

Andy 97


I purchased a similar device from Amazon (of all places).

Thankfully I read this before I unpacked the device:


Punkt: A minimalist Android for the paranoid

Andy 97


I suggest Slack would be pretty important for some.

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Andy 97

The Amazon Snoop-o-matic returns

Had an outage when I asked it to play my Adam Beyer podcast. It then told me that it wasn’t connected to the internet. Obviously I checked both of my connections. After two hard boots all functions returned.

All this nonsense to turn on my kitchen lights and tell me the current temperature In Vilamoura...

The only other strange thing is it’s insistance to listen to a repeating radio advert and then going back to sleep when it ends.

Thank you Global and Radio X.

Amazon meets the incredible SHRINKING UK taxman

Andy 97

Turkeys stage a referendum on Christmas.

At first I blamed some f*cknut at HMRC or HMG (who all enjoy a decent, index linked final-salary pension) for this happening.

Obviously, if we wanted to go all- "oh.. Jeremy Corbyn" about this we'd cancel our Amazon accounts and refuse to have anything to do with companies like this, but if you really need to know who's responsible it's you and me.

Beam me up, UK.gov: 'Extra-terrestrial markup language' booted off G-Cloud

Andy 97

Try setting up your HMRC account...

I do wonder how "safe" my online data is now that HMRC demands that I login via Equifax or some bank.

Perhaps I'll leave this all to my accountant and his Windows 8.0 desktop for future excitement.

Here's why AI can't make a catchier tune than the worst pop song in the charts right now

Andy 97

And this is where we discuss the fact that silicone has no soul and cannot appreciate the lyrics of Bob Dylan, the funky guitar of Niles Rodgers, the choral magnificence of Bach and the emotion of Mendelssohn. As for those who expect an algorithm can build a complex dance tune, I refer you to the previous examples. We all know how they sound and how they make us feel. Mathematics can only mimic human perception from years of experience in real life and real experiences.

Even buffoons such as Like Mike and Dmitri Vegas still have experience listening to soul, rock, disco, classical and will (maybe) have some experience of emotion (before their minds were destroyed by EDM).

Blimey, sounds like something from Blade Runner.

Sub-Prime: Amazon's big day marred by server crashes, staff strikes

Andy 97

Broke Alexa..

Last night, try as I might, Alexa coudn't talk to the Mother Ship.

I changed wifi connections and still no Alexa.

Today, all my devices demanded that I login again.

Perhaps this problem may be more "security-based", perhaps some unsavoury people trying to crash the mighty Amazon.

Sadly in the world of MNDA's for employees, we'll never know.

FBI for the Apple guy: Bloke accused of stealing robo-car tech

Andy 97

Stealing technology secrets and "destined for China"...

Two phrases we don't often hear.

Nissan 'fesses up to fudging emissions data

Andy 97

Re: Holy carp!

Blimey, what a nightmare.

I wonder if Renault has anything to worry about too?

EU court: No, expat Frenchman can't trademark France.com

Andy 97

I suspect the owners of http://germany.com/ and http://italy.com will have similar problems quite soon.

Relax. It's OK, folks, the US government isn't going to try to take back control of the internet

Andy 97

Is Ted Cruz still a "thing"?

Your F-35s need spare bits? Computer says we'll have you sorted in... a couple of years

Andy 97

These planes had better be really good.. I hope I get to see some flying within my lifetime.

Britain mulls 'complete shutdown' of 4G net for emergency services

Andy 97

Single points of failure?

Maybe I've worked in broadcasting engineering for too long.

If I relied on 4G for my main comms channels there's no way I'd be completely happy unless there was also 2G (on a diverse provider network) as the redundancy channel.

*I realise that many cellular networks "share" infrastructure (masts, cabinets etc.).

Look how modern we are! UK network Three to kill off 3G-only phones

Andy 97

Things must really have improved!

I wonder if their customer service has also improved?

US sanctions on Turkey for Russia purchases could ground Brit F-35s

Andy 97

Why did Lockheed Martin, McDonnel Douglas and Boeing go to all that trouble of destroying our aircraft manufacturing industry if they can't even sell us what we ordered?

Planned European death ray may not need Brit boffinry brain-picking

Andy 97

The S*n does an anti-European story shocker!

What we really need to know is can they be attached to a shark head?

Now IBM turns redundo gun on its Digital Business Group

Andy 97

Maybe Watson is now running this business and has replaced the “meat bags”. Perhaps this is a live trial of AI running a business?

I can’t imagine that anyone would communicate with other human beings in this way IRL.

Australian Feds cuff woman who used BTC to buy drugs on dark web

Andy 97

It all sounds like cobblers, most crypto markets employ tumblers which makes tracing transactions very difficult. The only other suggestion is that yet another marketplace has been ceased and operated for the purpose of collecting data by a government agency. More likely (as suggested previously) the buyer was simply unlucky.

Fleeing Facebook app users realise what they agreed to in apps years ago – total slurpage

Andy 97


I don't know why they're all so worried, they've got more money than the GDP of many small countries.

UK.gov urged to ensure punters can 'still roam like at home' after Brexit

Andy 97

Smoke screen.

Unless you're someone that lives in Europe during the winter this won't affect you much.

Long-stayers in Europe will simply obtain a local sim with data and use VOIP if they're worried about the overall cost.

Andy 97

Re: Next election

You missed the joke icon.

Pharma bro Martin Shkreli to miss 2024 Paris Olympics

Andy 97

Those few years in a US prison will hardly be a holiday camp for him.

I'd suspect that many of the inhabitants will know of someone who's been affected by his price increasing action.

His fame will also single him out for "additional attention"

What's also forgotten is that although he's been fined a few million dollars, he still has significant funds earning interest..

UK watchdog Ofcom tells broadband firms: '30 days to sort your speeds'

Andy 97

ISP's knows how to "game" speed checks.

I suspect that the quantity of evidence that would be required is beyond the skill set many users.

UK names Russia as source of NotPetya, USA follows suit

Andy 97

The commentard farms in Moscow are set to "11" today.

Well hello guys, I hope they're paying you in USD and not bitcoins.

Boffins crack smartphone location tracking – even if you've turned off the GPS

Andy 97

Old news

Vodafone could locate anyone to within a few meters years ago.

Remember that “troubled” person arrested in the North East of England ... (Paul Gascoigne went to tease him out with a 6 pack of beer and fishing rods?)

Guess how The Peelers located him.

Peers approve Brit film board as pr0n overlords despite concerns

Andy 97

This is all complete nonsense.

Any person wishing to view "grumble flicks" would simply access sites hosted outside of the UK.

UK" jazz film" publishers all have access for international customers and even a complete imbecile can work out how to avoid ISP filters.

It sounds like a cosy way of secureing funding to me.

When you play this song backwards, you can hear Satan. Play it forwards, and it hijacks Siri, Alexa

Andy 97

An ad exec’s dream!

There was a time in Blighty where HMG had to ban subliminal messaging in cinema and broadcast media.

All an of our ad execs would need to do is to hide some nonsense about product/service at the end of the ad and hey presto, your slimline plastic friend will ask you if you want to know more.

Ofcom has better get their regulation head on...

I'll torpedo Tor weirdos, US AG storms: Feds have 'already infiltrated' darknet drug souks

Andy 97

One can only imagine the unmasking of these villains by Jeff Sessions and the accompanying “and i would’ve gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for that meddling Jeff Sessions”.

PACK YOUR BAGS! Two Trappist-1 planets have watery oceans, most likely to be inhabitable

Andy 97

Re: Pack the car folks...

I watched Idiocracy last night. It didn’t make for positive viewing.

UK competition watchdog: Fox's takeover of Sky 'not in public interest'

Andy 97

Dirty Digger has form.

In 1971 the ITA ruled him out of a takeover of London Weekend Television because of his news empire.

Digger was a "little disappointed" with this decision and has devoted his life to lambasting the British Establishment.

My understanding is that he used many words to describe the ITA which would make a lorry driver with haemorrhoids blush.

Sky customer dinged for livestreaming pay-per-view boxing to Facebook

Andy 97

Doesn't Now TV have all of their sports channels on it?

You'd only need to pay for the day that you'd wish to watch it too.


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