Posts by LuMan

Stability

"...but it's built on that very stable core Vista technology, which is far more stable than the current Mac platform, for instance."

OK, and you have actual data to back this up? Thought not.

I've got a Mac and a PC and the only real difference I notice is that my Mac does what I ask it to and my PC does what it wants - normally running off to find out how many files I have beginning with 'G', or something, when I'm in the middle of something important.....

Stable - yes, useful - perhaps, convenient - er...

Err... Hang on...

"This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened the doomsday date was moved forward to December 2012."

Surely the NASA spokebod means the date was moved BACK to 2012*... If they're wrong about something as fundamental as this, how can we trust them when they say we're safe!! Run for the hills, man the pumps, get Kajagoogoo to re-form. We're ALL DOOMED!!

*Unless they mean forward 'in time', in which case, don't panic...ho-hum..

This is good

Following on from the iPlayer function in the new PS3 OS it looks like the BBC are trying to punt their wares through more and more channels (pun not intended). Also, the subscription is non-existent and there are no annoying ad breaks (like iTV and Ch5). Finally we're getting something useful for our license fee!

Now we just need the Beeb to up the amount of available content....

<agree> AC && Mage

For what these devices actually do, it still seems a tall order. I can dump text in various formats onto my mobile and read them there without shelling out for new tech. On top of that, I can stuff a paperback into my heavily-packed rucksack without worrying about damage. And if my book gets too wet to read when I'm in the bath I can get another for a couple of quid.

If the cost reduces enough then I'll be interested, but I'd also expect some form of MP3 player built in, too, so I can relax to some Barry Manilow while reading the latest Jackie Collins*.

*Joke...honest!

Hmm....

Not at all flawed this. I like looking at nuns. This means I also like The Sound Of Music. As a result I'm likely to remove the distributor cap of the nearest German military vehicle I see*.

So, I'm a sexual pervert, a homosexual and anti-establishment activist.

Yep - spot on!

*Go on - watch the film..!

Only one solution.

The government is right. We must protect everyone, except the law-abiding, tax-paying, hardworking members of the populace against the evils of terror. The solution; mass genocide.

Seriously, folks, it's the only way we can be sure no-one will ever be in any danger (regardless of whether any danger actually exists). So, if we can all form an orderly queue for cynide pills we'll be done in no time*.

*Oh crap. Euthenasia is also against the law. Looks like we can't even defend ourselves against ourselves. We're doomed!

A German Joke

Apparently our Deutschbrüder find this quite amusing:

Three Germans are enjoying a beer in their favourite Biergarten; one from Hannover, one from Berlin and one from Munich. Three flies descend and each take up residence in one of the Germans' beer. The guy from Berlin calls a waiter and insists the beer is replaced. The guy from Hannover removes the fly, but carries on drinking anyway. The bloke from Munich removes the fly and makes the little sh*t spit back any beer it drank!

Not that we'd imply Bavarians are alcoholic in any way....... They just like beer..... for breakfast...etc..

Hmm..

"ground vehicles cannot pass thru each other"

Well, I'm sure I've seen a film or something that involved a car driving into an artic to evade police intervention. Would a tracker be smart enough to pick that up, or would it grind to a halt, claiming that the World must be wrong as two blips have merged??

Playmobil...

..or it's a fake!

Well...

.. at least they're keeping abreast of the competition.

Sixty Five Quid!!??

This is WELL PRICEY for a controller that, in all fairness, looks and operates no better than a bog-standard controller.

Oddly, the thing I look for in a controller is how comfortable it is. No matter how much third parties try to emulate a PS3 or XBOX controller they all seem to play like cack!

Nope, big fail from me on this one.

And for RIGHT HANDED guitarists?

Any ful no that gitar is dun wiv over hans*!

Actually, all that's happened here is the controller has changed. Part of the fun of Guitar Hero is weilding the plastic axe and jumping around the place like those scantily-dressed birds off the adverts (stolen from Risky Business, no less). Having a 'different' controller that straps to your arm and removes the tangible-ness of anything fun is more an investigation into something else that an 'proper' solution.

Thumbs down, I'm afraid...

*Yeah, yeah, I know, Jimi Hendrix and all that...

@Mike007

"dogs can't masturbate themselves"

What?!?! Most dogs I've seen can lick their own s0dding genitals!! Is that not masturbating??? Christ on a bike I'd MUCH rather be able to do that* than just knock one out by hand!

*Yeah, I know, 'give him a biscuit and he might let you' har-dehar!!

Pricey

Is it just me, or does the cost here look a little high?

Oh well, back to BBC iPlayer on the PS3. Nowhere near the same amount of content, but at least it's free (notwithstanding licence fee, of course <sigh>).

Oh great!

And I just got a bleedin' LG GT505 as a free update! Still, by the time they offer me the next one the iPhone should be free. Then I can see what all the fuss is about!

Uncooperative weather

So, rather than use their vast wealth, intellect and toy collection to establish what the weather will really be like, NASA would rather take a view on whether the weather will actually cooperate.

If it doesn't cooperate, does this mean the launch was scuppered because the weather is another communist entity, intent on bringing down the crusaders of the free world?

Quite possibly, methinks.

Paris - 'cos she knows whether the weather can be weathered, whether or not the weather wants to be!

Are you sure that's PC World..?

Looking at the pics, the POS is spelt correctly, there appears to be up to date stock and the staff aren't dribbling like gormless fools.

Is this a Photoshop mock-up??

Torture!

Well, technically, the legal system can't FORCE anybody to hand over their passwords. Well, not without torturing them anyway. So, in the UK, we're safe. If we get branded a criminal for not divulging our password, we'll get treated a hell of a lot better than the hapless victim!

Of course, in some areas of the world law enforcement regimes wouldn't think twice about sitting you in a bamboo field for an afternoon (boy, that stuff grows quick!!).

Terrible

Do we really need all these puns to entert anus?

80%

Well, that's not that bad. I've seen a lot of 10 year old petrol cars aren't 80% as efficient as they were when they were new.

It seems good, but..

Although this is a prime example of technology foiling the lowdown scum who make our lives a misery, I can't help but think that there's someone in a control office who knows exactly where I'm driving......

Radiation

IIRC the radiation cleanup measures in Dr. No involved Mishter Connery and Ms Undress going along a conveyor belt, being squirted with soap suds and then scrubbed down by NBC-clad goons weilding garden brooms. FANTASTIC!

Now, who wants to join me in a rendition of 'Underneath The Mango Tree'?

Anyone..? Anyone...? No...?

Acoustic Safety Module

No chance. It'll use up too much power. Much better to stick a playing card into the spokes like we did with bikes when we were kids. My Raleigh Commando was a bleedin' Suzuki and no messin'!!

@ '@Matthew17' AND 'A Little Late'

"We'd all be enjoying Cheryl Cole on xfactor a hell of alot more than we already do!" - yeah, I was enjoying Cheryl Cole right up to the point the talentless bint opened her damn mouth to sing! I'd rather listen to Simon Cowell recite the phone book. In Brum!

The video game was called Time Traveler and was marketed as the World's First Holographic Game (or something). It was done by the same bloke who did Dragon's Lair (Rick Dyer - I think) and used a big curved mirror and a TV screen behind some smoked glass. There was a spin-off IIRC which was like Barbarian, but not as good.

@ jeremy 3

Bloody good point. If the term 'indecent' or 'pornographic' in relation to minors is relative to 'posing' then the model MUST have been based on the adult form in such positions. So, to this end, making an X-Ray image* of anybody in the required position - young, old, or otherwise - HAS to be deemed as pornographic.

Scrap the machine and implement something that doesn't remove passengers' human rights and dignity.

*Not an image? - how the hell does the person who claimed that remember to breathe ffs!!

Any chance....

.... of a Playmobil construction?

@Hydrogen? Safe AC&J3

I think you're both missing the point. Simply make a nuclear airship 1,000 miles long with doors all the way along it. Then all you need to do is simply get on at one end and get off at the other. 1,000 miles in next to no time. It'll be just like getting on the back of a (really long) train, walking through the carriages, smiling and chatting with other happy passengers, and then getting off. You wouldn't even need to buy a ticket if you could get on and off before it leaves the air(ship)port.

Her?

The moon is female? How do we know?? Other than making itself TOTALLY noticeable every month that is*.

Really, it's just a lump of rock. Let's use it as a big space dustbin and put all our rubbish on it. eventually Earth will get so light it'll escape the Sun's gravitational field, while the Moon will get so heavy it'll plummet into Earth. Job done.

Paris, 'cos, well, heavenly bodies and all that...

*Cue feminist flames.

Who'd want a virgin bride?

After all, they'd be crap in bed. No, much better to marry some dirty, sleazebucket from the nearby overspill estate who's been giving practice to all and sundry behind Tesco's since she was 13!

Oh wait.... I did.

Er.. Any chance....

..of a Playmobil realisation of this report..?

It's been a dry week!

@ Alien Overlord

Half true, I suppose. But when you slow your car down do you simply not bother to steer? Most vehicles on land, sea and air change direction slightly when braking. If you only flip 179.9 degrees then, yes, you'll wind up miles of course after a while. But, if you notice you're going slightly off course (preferably before hitting something the size of Jupiter) then you simply* fire your retro thrusters a bit in a different direction until the computer says you're back on course. this is pretty much similar to what geo-stationery satellites do now. And space stations. And Death stars, too for that matter.

*Yeah, I know it's not *that* simple, but hey-ho...

Hmmm..

Well, they certainly look different to me. But the designers of Woolies' new logo have definitely made the logo look like some sort of apple. Quite why, I don't know. I'm sure Oz has much more interesting fruit. Perhaps it's a Bible thing.

Still, we can't be surprised at Apple for taking action. All big companies do it. After all, M$ took action against Mike Rowe when he set up his online software store, Mike Rowe Soft (search the archives - it's in here somewhere).

Woolies should know better, Apple do what they always do, the World keeps turning.....

HOW cool!!

Y'see. This is something that's missing from photography nowadays - blimming fun! Everyone shows off their snobby, multi-megapixel beasts, but sometimes a little bit of fun is what we really want.

Definitely one for the list!

Dog pie

Yeah, yeah. We ALL know the French. That dog'll be in a stew with a load of horse parts before you can say 'zut alors!'

Ludicrous

Have Autodesk nothing better to do with their time? Putting so much time, effort and money into stopping 1 person from selling one of their products is ludicrous. Not to mention potentially damaging to their sales.

Vernor has done Autodesk a favour by making their product known and available to another purchaser - perhaps one who will continue to buy, register and update their software on a regular basis, thus ensuring Autodesk repeat custom.

Conversely, Autodesk have labelled their software "non-sell-on-able" so some prospective buyers may move to an alternative product that has re-saleability at some point in the future.

Christ, can you imagine what the 2nd hand videogame market would be like if the likes of M$, SCEE and their ilk prevented us flogging our old Xbox, PS3, Wii, etc. titles on eBay!

Look out for the...

..Royal Crown Derby Holy Grail.

This beautiful symbol of meekness and suffering of a poor carpenter is exquisitely reproduced in the finest Royal Crown Derby, embelished with 22 carat gold and captures, perfectly, the poverty and destitution overcome by the holiest man who ever walked the Earth.*

This fine example can be yours for the modest price of £2,999.95, payable in 4 easy payments of just £5**.

"If Jesus were alive today, he'd definitely drink out of this!" - Rowan Williams, Archbishop Of Canterbury***

Paris, 'cos even she's not THAT cheap!

*In the Christian faith, that is.

**Following a deposit of £2,979.95

***This is a total fabrication (in case there are lawers about!!)

2G Sill Good For Me

I bought one of the 2G clip jobbies when it came out. Still works perfectly and the earbuds stay put in my ears (so long as I put the foam covers on).

TBH when I'm jogging or at the gym there's that much exterior noice (traffic, sweaty meat-heads, whatever crappy music station the gym plays at 150db) that pretty much any quality of headphones will do. No need to upgrade.

On the whole my 2G is still cracking so I can't see me upgrading until something super-fab comes along.

Clown? Rocket???

So, did the rocket launch as expected, or did a huge plume of smoke come out the back, accompanied by a loud BANG, the doors falling off, the steering wheel coming off in the driver's hand, a wheel coming loose, one seat boinging skyward on a comical big spring and a huge, fake fire which another crew member attempted to put out with a bucket of confetti, which was finally thrown over a group of shrieking spectators?

We need to know.

Gates, 'cos he's a frikking clown!

Carbon debate - missed point

(slightly)@A.N Other - this is always the argument with 'clean' electric travel. My mate swears blind that it's more damaging to the environment to mine fossil fuel, transport, prepare, burn, create electricity and get it to the charging point than it is to get petrol/diesel into a conventional vehicle. He may be right (feel free to add figures, anyone), but an electric car is cleaner in operation.

The real point, though, is the direction we're going in. In 10 years we may have no choice due to fossil fuels running out, so the development we're going through now may mean we have vastly cleaner ways of creating electricity and super-efficient batteries, power-cells, motors, etc. The result will be e-cars performing as well as petrol cars do now.

Keep the leccy-tech coming - I'm all for it!

It all looks so good....

....until they try the Chunder Gat (C) on some 80s throwback with mirrored Ray Bans. All that barf-inducing strobo-bother will bounce back on the hapless do-nut (sic) mauler, resulting in them dropping half a pound of Dunkin's finest onto their flats.

I wonder if all police dogs will be renamed Huey....!

Two problems here..

Firstly, even Hollywood couldn't save the blighters - When we had Teenage Mutant Whatever Turtles everybody bought them, got bored and flushed 'em. The same with Clown Fish (Nemo) and Dalmations (101 etc..). Now, following on from Kung Fu Panda my local pet shop's bloody overstocked and they're w-a-y too big to flush down the bog! The owner's had to flog them to the local kebab shop.

Secondly, the ONLY wildlife shows any respecting gent should be watching is one hosted by Michaela Strachan! A bit of a BOBFOC, maybe, but no chance of any red-blooded bloke going all panda with her in the room... PHWWOOAAR!

Dodging Traffic

The emu was "apparently dodging traffic"?? Come on - what else would it be doing on the on-ramp of an interstate highway????

Paris, 'cos she's a long-legged bird, too!

Alternatively

The lazy, long-haired, work-shy layabouts should get a bloomin' job and stop pranny-ing about trying to be all intill.. intele..int.. clever and snooty at bleedin' universities!

A good flippin' dose of National Service is what these slack-dogs need, and no mistake!

Mines the one with the copy of 'How To Survive In Post-War Britain' in the pocket.

Looks OK to me

I like it. Doesn't look too over-pretentious like some attempts and 80mph is fast enough for the work commute (if I can find a road where I can actually get up to 80!!).

How much luggage space is there? Surely the removal of an i.c. engine and the replacement of a smaller(?) motor and battery pack will mean more storage space (at a cost to duration, I suppose).

Bring it on I say.

Chewbacca

He looks like Chewbacca after a shave. A very apt name, methinks!

No pain killers..

...'cos the parrots-eat-em-all!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ahem.

Ok, I know..

So...

..it'll automatically tune to Jeremy Kyle every time I scratch my arse?

Run for the hills...!

Looks like they overlooked the threat that is the new generation of biscuit-loving zombie; babies! We see them, every day, getting brainwashed by mind-controlling Farley's Rusks. Their dependancies on twice-baked cakery being ever more ingrained into their young, impressionable (and, ultimately, programmable) minds. Biscuits are taking over the world and using the doe-eyed charms of infants to woo us into a false sense of security. Just wait until the Lizard Army figure it out. It'll be one hell of a fight.

I for one welcome....etc.....<yawn>

Commerce.

So he can open his own account and pay the check (sic) in. So, basically, the bank get another customer. Brilliant. Nothing to do with policies or prejudisms against people with no arms, as such. Just another (and somewhat insensitive) way of getting more custom.

The Bank Of America is showing its true colors (sic) there - predominantly green.

I suggest Mrs Valdez move her bank account to somewhere more accommodating.

Picture?

Where's the picture?? I wanted to print it out and scare the office girlies with it!

Oh, wait - I can just use another picture of David Bowie...