* Posts by Johnny Canuck

353 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009


Roses are red, this is sublime: We fed OpenAI's latest chat bot a classic Reg headline

Johnny Canuck


A Man from Mars is much better.

I studied hard, I trained for years. Yay, now I'm an astronaut in space. Argggh, leukemia!

Johnny Canuck

I'll just leave this here...


Canadians moot methods to embiggen moose monument and make Mac great again

Johnny Canuck

Moose can be dangerous

And also delicious.

Crispest image yet of Ultima Thule arrives on Earth, but grab a coffee while the rest downloads

Johnny Canuck


They should just "torrent" it instead.

Human StarCraft II e-athletes crushed by neural net ace – DeepMind's AlphaStar

Johnny Canuck

I watched it.

It strangely had a problem with repeated drops in its home base. Alphastar would start moving out and MaNa would drop 2 Immortals in its mineral line. Then Alphastar would bring its army back and MaNa would retreat. Rinse, repeat. This allowed MaNa enough time to build a strong army and eventually roll over Alphastar.

Funnily enough, China fuming, senator cheering after Huawei CFO cuffed by Canadian cops at Uncle Sam's request

Johnny Canuck

the Canadian president Justin Trudeau

Shirley you meant Prime Minister.

Zip it! 3 more reasons to be glad you didn't jump on Windows 10 1809

Johnny Canuck

file sharing

Anybody tried to do workgroup file sharing on windows 10? What a screwed up mess.

Microsoft Windows 10 October update giving HP users BSOD

Johnny Canuck

Just updated

My Dell Inspiron 15 Gaming Edition and the update killed the sound.

Free for every Reg reader – and everyone else, too: Arm Cortex-M CPUs for Xilinx FPGAs

Johnny Canuck

But will it play...

ahh... never mind,

Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

Johnny Canuck

Trouble shooting tip - ask if there are any empty drink cans by the keyboard, printer etc.

Now you can tell someone to literally go f--k themselves over the internet: Remote-control mock-cock patent dies

Johnny Canuck

Obviously, that patent came to early.

They grow up so fast: Spam magnet Hotmail turned 22 today

Johnny Canuck

I got my hotmail address in 1998 - and its also a real name account. As a curiosity, I also have a netzero.net email account left over from 1999-2000 era when netzero was offering FREE dialup internet. I keep waiting fort the day I can no longer log into my netzero account.

US regains supercomputer crown from Chinese, for now

Johnny Canuck

...but can it play Crysis?

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Johnny Canuck

The best

office washroom I ever used was at a headhunter's office. They shared the facilities with 3 or 4 other businesses. Marble everywhere, beautiful fixtures, large stalls, spotless surfaces, soft TP and the paper towels had the texture of real cloth. I used to love going there to fix something just so I could use the washroom.

If you're a Fedora fanboi, this latest release might break your heart a little

Johnny Canuck

Note to editor

The hat pictured is a trilby, not a fedora. Fedoras have wider brims.

My PC is on fire! Can you back it up really, really fast?

Johnny Canuck

Back in the late '90s I started playing with linux. I found out you could change your monitor settings by editing xorg.conf. I was pretty pleased when I got my 640x480 vga monitor to display 800x600. Guess what happens when you overdrive an old vga monitor.

Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Johnny Canuck

I have a client whose office is set up with homegroup - 3 windows 10 machines. Guess I should be expecting a call soon. Maybe I should thank MS for the work.

Scissors cut paper. Paper wraps rock. Lab-made enzyme eats plastic

Johnny Canuck

Mutant 59. Do no scientists read?

My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

Johnny Canuck

Went on a call once where the user was complaining of "stuck key" message at boot. Turned out she had placed a magnetic strip with the company's name on it above the caps lock/num lock/scroll lock leds. Removing the magnet removed the message. It was an older PS/2 keyboard.

Got some broken tech? Super Cali's trinket fix-it law brought into focus

Johnny Canuck

Just so you know

There are already people who repair iPhones and Macbooks. They have schematics and do microsoldering/desoldering. I find their videos interesting, though Mr. Rossmann can be a bit grating.



Will the defendant please rise? Utah State Bar hunts for sender of topless email

Johnny Canuck

Hope they didn't get their special ""Mormon Underwear" in a knot.

Oh honey! Oxfordshire abuzz with reports of a MEEELLION bees stolen

Johnny Canuck

I also use a brand with my logo

I just had an image in my mind of lots of "beeboys" running around with tiny lassos (lassoes?) roping bees and branding their butts with little brands.

US cable giant tries to wriggle out of 'crap ISP' legal battle now that net neutrality is dead

Johnny Canuck

Please Screw Virgin Media Too

"Bring them to their knees financially, revoke their licences. Force them to be honest or force them out of business."

You forgot to add "and jail the board members too."

Helicopter crashes after manoeuvres to 'avoid... DJI Phantom drone'

Johnny Canuck

Meanwhile in Texas

An elk jumps into a chopper, bringing it down. Time to ban elks.


User had no webcam or mic, complained vid conference didn’t work

Johnny Canuck

One for the new column

This just happened yesterday. My boss asked me to send out 2 different emails to 2 different mailing lists. Both were supposed to have a .pdf attached. He called me today and asked if I'd added the attachment. Oops.

Today in bullsh*t AI PR: Computers learn to read as well as humans (no)

Johnny Canuck

What if you asked it "What country borders California" or "Where is the border of another country in relation to California"?

Canada charges chap alleged to run stolen data-mart Leakedsource

Johnny Canuck

ha ha

2 of my email accounts showed as pwned. I already knew about it so had already changed my passwords. Darn you Adobe and Linux Mint! Strangely, my hotmail account is inviolate.

1 in 5 STEM bros whinge they can't catch a break in tech world they run

Johnny Canuck

I thought I was reading "The Onion" for a minute there.

Russian rocket snafu may have just violently dismantled 19 satellites

Johnny Canuck

Kerbal Space Program

Check yo staging!

Why Boston Dynamics' backflipping borg shouldn't scare you

Johnny Canuck

That third video is me on Saturday night!

Take off, ya hosers! Silicon Valley court says Google can safely ignore Canadian search ban

Johnny Canuck


I think the order still stands in Canada. So if Google execs were to travel to Canada they might be liable to arrest.

Giza geezers' muon-geyser visor reveals Great Pyramid's hidden void surpriser

Johnny Canuck

This is why mummies are afraid of cats - because the cats will unravel them. For evidence see any number of cat and toilet paper pictures/videos on the internet.

Hackers tiptoe out, launch Silence trojan, quietly raid banks of meeelllions

Johnny Canuck

Just how, exactly, are they stealing the money? Wouldn't there be some kind of transaction trail?

'Dear diversity hire...' Amazon's weapons-grade fail in recruitment email to woman techie

Johnny Canuck


"Loden said doing so feeds into the backlash against women in tech by those who feel female candidates are getting jobs solely because of gender."

Isn't that exactly what the offer was stating?

We all deserve a break. Pack your bags. Four Earth-like worlds found around nearby Tau Ceti

Johnny Canuck

Men are from Tau Ceti F and women Are from Tau Ceti E

Creepy tech tycoons Zuck and Musk clash over AI doomsday

Johnny Canuck

I'm with ol' Musky on this one (I'll keep calling him this til it catches on).

Adobe will kill Flash by 2020: No more updates, support, tears, pain...

Johnny Canuck

To quote Dickens

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Debian patches plenty in new version 9.1

Johnny Canuck

Something is wrong

I installed Debian 9 XFCE on an old laptop (Aspire 3050) on Saturday night. First boot after install it took 10+ minutes after login to reach the desktop. After selecting the default panel it never again started the panels saying no instance of XFCE was running. I tried xfce4-panel -r & from the terminal and the panels started and then the screen went cyan coloured and the computer froze. Ended up putting Debian 8 back on with no problems. Yes I spent Saturday night dicking around with Linux.

His Muskiness wheels out the Tesla Model 3

Johnny Canuck

His Muskiness

I prefer to go with The Onion's suggestion and refer to him as Ol' Musky.


Gravitational waves permanently change spacetime, say astroboffins

Johnny Canuck


like a skid mark in space-time?

Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Johnny Canuck


Basically a script which repeats a few phrases from a befuddled old man - pretty funny.


Would you believe it? The Museum of Failure contains quite a few pieces of technology

Johnny Canuck

Computer repairs

Unless you can do board level microsoldering on iproducts, the computer repair industry is dead. Windows (yes Windows) has gotten so secure that MS has taken the away the bread and butter of the small repair shop. That was, fixing problems caused by malware. In the late '90s and early 2000s the hardware was already pretty good, so rarely failed. Windows95, Windows98, WindowsME and Windows 2000 were all susceptible to malware. Windows 7 changed all that. The malware repairs dried up, computers became too cheap to fix and I switched to renting copiers to hotels for conventions.

Microsoft cloud TITSUP: Skype, Outlook, Xbox, OneDrive, Hotmail down

Johnny Canuck

My boss is down in Jamaica for 2 weeks and just phoned me because he can't get into his Microsoft email. Oddly, he's not able to connect to the hotel's wireless either.

Get it while it's hot: NASA's Space Poo contest winners wipe up $30k

Johnny Canuck

So...what do the testers say? How does NASA approach possible testers?

"Put this on and don't take it off for six days. Also, stay away from other people."

Folders return to Windows 10's Start Thing

Johnny Canuck

17 inch penis!!

A 16 inch duck with a 17 inch penis! Good god. What are the females like?

Not OK Google: Tree-loving family turns down Page and pals' $7m

Johnny Canuck

what would you do with $7m?

I'd spend the bulk of it on booze, women and gambling...then I'd spend the rest foolishly.

AI gives porn peddlers a helping hand

Johnny Canuck

Could this also be used for "described video" so blind people can watch porn too?

Pair programming – you'll never guess what happens next!

Johnny Canuck

You mean...

... like this?


Disney rollercoaster helps pop out kidney stones

Johnny Canuck

Did they have to...

use real urine in the test?

Want a Windows 10 update? Don't go to Microsoft ... please

Johnny Canuck

I run a wifi network in a largish rooming house (90 rooms). We have had problems in the past where a single user would strangle our bandwidth using torrent software. To fix this I installed a "torrent killer". If it detects torrent traffic, it disconnects the offending computer from our wifi network, forcing the user to come to the office and ask to be reconnected. It has proven to be quite a successful deterrent. When Windows 10 started the "optimised" update distribution, it would activate the "torrent killer" and cut people off. I had to issue instructions on how to turn off Delivery Optimisation.


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