Re: Factor in suicidal people are not exactly thinking rationally.
I'm not sure you're right about suicidal being the same as irrational.
Sometimes you'll get worried that maybe you aren't thinking clearly, and you'll tell somebody what you're thinking about. And they'll get pissed, and believe you're being a drama queen and emotionally manipulative. Sometimes they won't say it. But you can see it in their eyes. And you think about it, and you completely understand their point of view: If you were truly, authentically, "suicidal," you be dead right now, not talking to them. Rationally, you evaluate yourself as a fraud.
Rationally, your misgivings about whether you're thinking clearly are now are proved to be nothing other than cowardice. The choice you're struggling with is proven to be how much longer you're going to pretend that anything you do or anything you are is worthwhile.
Rationally, of course, not forever. At the outside, you're still mortal. You're going to die eventually. And as long as it's going to happen eventually, there's really no rational point in drawing it out artificially.
Maybe you haven't seen the Wonder Woman movie yet, so you'll want to see that at some point. And you want to see the final Avengers movie. But that's kinda it. Eventually, you know you're going to run out of stuff. The only control you have over your future at that point is how much you're going to put up with the crap -- how long you're going to be eating 3 kinds of antidepressants every day just to stay functional. Is that anyway to live? Rationally speaking? How much longer can you keep it up? Rationally speaking?