Posts by Alistair Dabbs

Re: Doubting Hervé

I didn't measure the gap at first. I looked up the spec in the instruction leaflet and compared it to models of washing machine I was interested in. When I saw there was a width difference, I double-checked the tech spec on the manufacturer's website, THEN got out my tape measure. With barely a micron of leeway on either side, I knew there was no way of fitting a 5mm wider unit in the same space.

The reason I didn't include any of this detail in my story is that it's fucking boring and not funny at all.

Re: You may have forgotten

I am about to go on a shoppoing expedition to my local Decathlon where they DO sell wetsuits and chainsaws. Who knows what their bargain aisle is selling... tomatoes, perhaps?

Re: Cordon Bennet ...

No need to wait that long. I copy and paste the same jokes from week to week.

Re: strong ID systems ;-)

I witnessed (what I, at least, thought was) an interesting debate at my local branch of La Poste, between a customer and the clerk behind the counter regarding what counts as a legitimate form of ID accepted by general officialdom.

The customer had tried to collect a parcel by showing the 'sorry you were out' slip and his Carte Vitale (the heath service registration card). The woman behind the desk would not accept the latter as proof of ID. The customer was a typical loopy old git and started shouting and ranting so that a manager had to come out from the back office to help.

The manager, without a beat, said that the accepted form of official ID would have to comprise all of the following...

- be issued by a governmental body

- show a photo of the person

- show the person's name

- show the person's date of birth

...and that's all.

The angry old man left with his parcel: the Carte Vitale shows all of the above.

By the left? Are there any left-wing governments in the world? I don't think so.

Re: 16GB should be enough for anybody...

It depends what you’re doing. My choice of a 4K display should be a hint what I’m using it for.

Re: This is why

I went up on the roof and found there was a satellite dish up there. Should I try and use that instead? What kit would I need I wonder?

I probably met the last remaining telephone company employee who actually gave a damn

Years ago one summer I complained to Virgin Media that my phone line was always crackling regardless of handset or socket. A technician had a look and said he'd book some guys replace the ancient Post Office cable buried under the grass between the road and my house.

So they waited until the depth of winter to send out a team of poor sods to dig up the frozen, iron-like turf with pick axes. IT took all day.

You forgot to face Mecca

Nah, they closed down my local bingo hall.

Re: Bundled TV over internet "service".

hooking-up the fibre is a 3 visit job at least.

My neighbours found this to be the case too. Perhaps they were too easily put off.

When the clueless fibre contractor turned up at our house, he said he'd need to book a cherry picker and all sorts of mental equipment. I surprised myself by telling him in broken French what to do and how to do it and that I would lend him ladders if necessary.

I had gigabit broadband within 2 hours.

Re: Supply pipe location

I've since moved house (and country). Here, the water meter is in a cabinet between the front door and the pavement - sort of where it should be.

Re: 50 Shades of Grey

Most charity shops in my old high street used to have hand-written signs on their doors: "No more Da Vinci Codes please".

Re: Don't cover it up!

It sounds to me that an expanse of some sort of towel-like material might do the trick.

Re: "Set-dressing" has been going on for ages.

The virtual backgrounds look fake because the keying edge is obvious. Everyone can tell immediately that you're showing a fake background - especially if more than one participant is using the same background image. This just makes me even more curious about what's really going on behind them and why they're trying to hide it: is it a Turkish bath? is it a bedroom? is there a whipping post? etc.

Re: Pretty Reckless

Hmm, Evanescence... I'm not a fan. The singer has a voice like a theremin and I can only stand it for about 10 seconds.

Re: Just a couple of quotes

Alan Moore? I know it can't be Pat Mills otherwise the quote would have been: "The wages of sin are death thanks to the cruel lickspittle lackeys of the capitalist system and monetarist Reaganomics, all of which is a sorry indictment of Thatcher's Britain".

Re: Exploring cemetries

Several years ago I began plotting a walking map of London's famous dead scientists and engineers, taking in blue plaques, IEEE plaques, sites of great discoveries and, of course, graveyards. I was going to write it up for The Reg and make the walking route available as a Google Map with location photos. Unfortunately, I had to move before the Brexit Withdrawal Disagreement came into force and the map is only half done.

Still, I have plenty of photos of surprisingly modest gravestones in unlikely places. Charles Babbage, IK Brunel, er... Douglas Adams, etc.

Re: Tea....

One of kindest comments ever made to me here was by a reader hoping to insult me: "You're certainly no influencer."

Re: Zut alors

BBQ in mind?

Re: Lies! Why do you print these lies!

No. Zoom does muck about with the UI, certainly: the ‘Raise a hand’ button tends to play hide-and-seek with users at every update, for example. But the Mute/Unmute button is in the same place it has always been, with the same icon it has always had, using the same keyboard shortcut as ever.

Re: Feature suggestion.

Or hang a cut-out photo of your face in front of your face while you have a snooze. Hey, it worked for a deceased Bruce Lee and nobody can spot the join.

Re: Is someone in the room? Are they OK!?

Ah but which 45 seconds? Honestly, it's worth scanning through for more highlights.

Re: another beautiful bit of prose

"An update for the modern age. Those who can, do. Those who can't, recruit."

And those who can't do either, write.