* Posts by Juan Inamillion

473 posts • joined 24 Feb 2009

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Naked women cleaning biz smashes patriarchy by introducing naked bloke gardening service

Juan Inamillion

What makes me laugh is that so many commentards here think that it's a pucker service to do the garden or kitchen or whatever.

The idea is for the hirer to sit back and watch. Any 'work' achieved is a bonus.

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Tech support discovers users who buy the 'sh*ttest PCs known to Man' struggle with basics

Juan Inamillion

'Older'

It's quite interesting to see some comments here about 'older' people. My client list is very eclectic and I can tell you there are as many 'young' people as there are 'older' people who struggle with operating computers. Never assume - it makes an ass out of u and me.

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France: Let's make the internet safer. America, Russia, China: Let's go with 'no' on that

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From today, it's OK in the US to thwart DRM to repair your stuff – if you keep the tools a secret

Juan Inamillion

Re: But how are...

'Yay Wicked! Now we can have Bubba's engine management system modded truck scudding down the highway, with cousin Cletus's modded braking system in place. What could go wrong?'

Don't worry, Darwin will take care of them....

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Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

Juan Inamillion

EUphemisms

Dog toffee - new one on me, is it in Rogers Profanisaurus? Pretty descriptive...

Canine clagnuts is another one.

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Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

Juan Inamillion
Coat

'In the case of our wondrous mongrel tounge, the rulebooks were generally dreamed up in the 18th and 19th centuries by prescriptivist linguists '

Very cunning them linguists...

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Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

Juan Inamillion

Talking of tin soldiers...

The finest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7v5ZqcReLM

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On the first day of Christmas my true love gave me tea... pigs-in-blankets-flavoured tea

Juan Inamillion

Potatoes

A bit off topic but...

Many years ago when I was a roadie it took a while before catering was brought along on a tour. 'Food' on the road was usually at the behest - or mercy- of the promoter and usually consisted of pizzas and cheap beer. Early tour catering companies were often chancers who lacked some of the necessary cooking skills, which often led to some confrontations and redecorated kitchen areas..

We reckoned one such nameless company should have had as a moto 'If it can't be made with potatoes, it can't be made at all', such were their limits. The same company carried pallet loads of baked beans when touring Europe too...

Brussel sprouts would have been a luxury.

And celery is most definitely Satan's food of choice.

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Submarine cables at risk from sea water, boffins warn. Wait, what?

Juan Inamillion

In the name of all that's holy...

'Click to embiggen'

Please please... just no.

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Fix this faxing hell! NHS told to stop hanging onto archaic tech

Juan Inamillion

Not the only Guvmint dept to use fax

About 2-3 years ago I had a little problem with HMRC (UK Inland Revenue). I had to fill in and sign a form and send it back to them. As I'd left it rather tight for time post-wise I phoned and said I could scan it and email it. I was told very firmly that they could only accept a fax. I said I hadn't owned a fax machine for years and asked what was wrong with email, she said, rather frostily, 'because of security...'

I hadn't the heart to tell her how many documents I'd seen faked on fax machines...

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Sysadmin shut down server, it went ‘Clunk!’ but the app kept running

Juan Inamillion

Re: Halted machine on other side of the planet

What was his fix? The power distribution board was overhead, so he hits the cutouts labelled "front office" until the room got suspiciously quieter. After a 10-count, turn it back on and server reboots. Problem solved and he could leave.

Love it. Lateral thinking. The sort of thing a British roadie would do..,

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UK pub chain Wetherspoons' last call: ♫ Just a spoonful of Twitter – let's pull social media down ♫

Juan Inamillion

Re: I, for one...

You were lucky... I was in a pub just outside Durham about a year ago, for a cheeky pint in the afternoon. First time I'd ever been there.

The pint was £1.85.

I smiled until I opened my wallet to discover I only had a £50 note (my 'emergency money')...

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Juan Inamillion

I, for one...

...enjoy the range of beers they serve and especially getting 3 pints from a tenner (living in London this is Very Important).

There's always a glorious hubbub of voices not having to compete with music (for which I'll go to see a live band elsewhere) or slot machines (I just don't).

If that makes me sound like a grumpy old git well I don't think I am, I'd just rather sit and talk complete shite with friends and family!

YMMV.

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Apple turns hat around, sits backwards on chair, pitches iPad to schools

Juan Inamillion

Apple uk

As you mention '£10k worth' I assume you're in the UK.

And that means dealing with Apple UK.

Who have been a bunch of twunts for as long as I can remember (as an 'independent Apple consultant' for 20 odd years). Meeting up with other independents, much much bigger than me, at Apple's headquarters at Stockley Park confirmed that Apple had no real interest and, no, you can never get a name.

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OK, who is shooting at Apple staff buses in California? Knock it off

Juan Inamillion

Anyone doubting the lethality of a 'pellet' gun.

Very sad...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/music-boss-horns-wife-is-shot-631154

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Wow, MIND-BLOWING: Florida Man gets an earful from 'exploding Apple AirPod' bud

Juan Inamillion

Can't believe no one else has found this yet...

An absolute gift, Desmond Dekker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxELSzay2lc

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OK, Google: Why does Chromecast clobber Wi-Fi connections?

Juan Inamillion

I don't use Chromecast but after a couple of years of fighting with a two Virgin 'Superhubs', both of which would also bork at least once or twice a day - often more - I switched the last one to 'Modem Only', bought a Synology RT1900ac router and have had completely trouble-free wifi PLUS increased coverage for the past eighteen months.

I've also tested (and fitted to friends networks) the TP-Link VR400 AC1200 router with equally good results.

YMMV.

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Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

Juan Inamillion

Wait. ‘Magnet’ plus ‘audio tape’? I’m surprised you kept the job. The last thing in the world that you want is a magnetised razor blade being used for editing tape! Must have have made a lovely thump as the edit passed the heads...

And never in all my many years in recording studios did I ever ever see an engineer or assistant leave a razor blade on top of a reel. Ever.

A ‘budget’ studio I worked in once had a Brenell 1” 8 track machine, this being the cheapest on the market. This meant it lacked some sophistication in the transport department. So you could go directly from fast wind to play without the transport slowing the reels down before engaging the pinch wheel and capstan. This produced what was called a ‘bootlace’, which was a few feet of tape stretched from being 1” wide to about a 1/4”. Needless to say this would always occur somewhere in the middle of a master take.

A full reel of tape on fast wind is a sight (and sound) to behold.

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Samsung starts cranking out 512GB eUFS storage

Juan Inamillion

Rental

Slightly O/T.

Living in London is great except for if you own a car. Admittedly I ride a (motor) bike most times but a car is an necessity for transporting luggage, computers, friends and, err... the lady (esp when dressed up). Also admittedly my annual car mileage is low, prob a few thousand if that. So for the past several years I've used Zipcars for short journeys (up to 60 miles before incurring mileage charges), includes fuel, Congestion Charge and insurance. £15 per month, first 3 hours in a month included, then an hourly charge (starting at about £6.50)

Longer hires or journeys I can rent a car from Hertz for as little as £20 per day, unlimited mileage. Now I know the guys at the local rental they usually upgrade me to a much better one than I've booked!

I don't think I've had any car older than 2 years or more mileage than 11,000. And they're always clean...

Can't beat walking away from one and forgetting about it!

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UK Land Registry opens books on corporate owners

Juan Inamillion

Re: Private Eye

I'd imagine very closely...

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Car trouble: Keyless and lockless is no match for brainless

Juan Inamillion

Infotainment system

I hire cars quite a lot (cheaper than owning one in London!) and over the decades it's been hundreds. Getting into a new one is always exciting as, without asking the agent, you try to find a. where to put the key/fob b. whether you have to put a foot on the brake before it'll turn over c. discover the exact location of the wipers AND washer (this is really important) but without doubt d. is the winner, which is try and get any kind of sense out of the 'infotainment system'.

Fortunately a lot of car makers have at least reverted to a central knob which defaults to being the volume. You can easily and quickly use it! Oh joy! But that's where it stops being fun. Just working out what is an active button and what is simply a small piece of inert trim is enough to drive you mad.

And then there's pairing your phone... Some cars seem to want to pair with your phone, or any phone that happens to be near.

Then there's satnav. Figuring out how to adjust the volume of the voice over the ducking music...

Don't get me started..

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Is that a bulge in your pocket or... do you have an iPhone 8+? Apple's batteries look swell

Juan Inamillion

Doctor Doctor...

Take away the pain. Just leave the swelling...

/dirty Mac

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Fancy that! Craft which float over everything on a cushion of air

Juan Inamillion

Ahem.. This is probably a stupid thought. Steerable jets?

Has anybody tried using steerable jets for propulsion (not lift)?

I went on the Ramsgate hovercraft once (a long time ago obvs). The noise, the buffeting and the windows just covered in spray I remember very well. Surprisingly I didn't get sea sick (I usually do). Fantastic to have done it though.

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Juan Inamillion

Re: Smart intercoms/bells are a good idea, that are usually badly implemented

Shirley, 'ding dong' has been copyrighted by Leslie Philips...

/Doctors gown....

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Juan Inamillion

Re: @AC

Never The Same Colour...

Right?

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No, the cops can't get a search warrant to just seize all devices in sight – US appeals court

Juan Inamillion

Re: Mess

Dura lex, sed lex.

I'd never heard this expression before and now in the past 24 hours I've heard it twice....

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Four techies flummoxed for hours by flickering 'E' on monitor

Juan Inamillion

Right....

Ok I'm telling this as it involves early comms and 'interference'. In a former life I was a roadie for well known band in the '80's. Round about '84 the management bought a couple of Tandy 100 laptops for the office and we also had Telecom Gold 'email' accounts. I can't remember too much about this but it was someone we knew had started up this service. So told the band I should have this too.

So I was duly supplied with a Tandy 100 ( 8 x 32 lines of text!!) and an acoustic modem. A 300 baud acoustic modem. (For younger viewers this was a device which you connected to the laptop and squeezed the phone handset into the rubber cups. Yes, Acoustic. Making any sort of connection involved a list of commands and characters to entered at the appropriate moment.)

All was well until we went to the Caribbean island of Monserrat to record an album. We'd got all the new codes to connect (a nightmare in itself) but every time we tried to connect the connection would drop, sometimes immediately sometimes after a few minutes.The island had a very small population so we asked one of the studio techs to ask around to see if there was a way of getting a better line (assuming it was problem). After a couple of day he came back laughing. Apparently, the operator at the phone exchange who was patching the calls would hear the squealing tones of the modem and think there was a problem an pull the plug on the connection...

The there was the resident who owned the only TV satellite dish on the island. He shared his connection but it meant you could only watch what he watched...

Happy days!!

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UK PM Theresa May's response to terror attacks 'shortsighted'

Juan Inamillion

Police cuts

A good friend of mine spent about 2 years prepping to join the police force about 3 years ago, which he did, motivated by a sense of justice and community spirit. After a year he stood to to become a Special as he was run ragged by the hours and the pressure. He was very sad that he just couldn't take what it was doing to him mentally and to his home life. He said the cuts have made life impossible.

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Lawyer defending arson suspect flees court with pants on fire

Juan Inamillion

Pommies

British convicts to Australia:

POHM - Prisoner Of His Majesty.

Ergo Poms or Pommies

Apparently....

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I want it hot and wet – preferably with Wi-Fi

Juan Inamillion

Late night sustenance

When I were 't roadie The Place to stop after the gig (and on the way to the next gig) was the Blue Boar at Watford Gap. It was amazing who you'd see hanging out there (as well as the crew)..

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Forget aircraft – now cretins are laser-blinding ferry boat crewmen

Juan Inamillion

The law

I would have thought, in the instance of actual harm, that charges of either ABH or GBH could have have been applicable (at least in the UK, or equivalent in the US). Some fairly serious sentencing could then be applied. 'Assault with a deadly weapon' ... hmmm..

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The Life and Times of Lester Haines

Juan Inamillion

Bugger

Double bugger.

I read El Reg fairly regularly and somehow, somehow missed the news of Lester's death until today. I always read anything with his byline and, vaguely, think I must have dropped off reading stuff as his byline was no longer apparent...

Anyway, that was probably the best obit I've ever read. What a bloke.

Thanks Lester, thanks for the laughs and for poking sticks through the spokes of the wheel of life (*sigh* sorry, that just came out...).

A rioja or three will be raised. Hasta la vista.

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Amateur radio fans drop the ham-mer on HRD's license key 'blacklist'

Juan Inamillion

Extortion

Some years ago I had a friend who came to me saying that they'd been locked out of using their accounts database by the developer (of the actual DB). I think the engine was 4D. The reason was because my friend wasn't prepared to pay yet another exorbitant annual fee for a DB that he thought was shit. I found another developer (a proper one) who told me that the company could sue as it's totally illegal to prevent access to accounts. I realise this is a bit different from the HRD case but there's a principal here.

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Disney rollercoaster helps pop out kidney stones

Juan Inamillion

Re: Horrible fascination

I've never known such excruciating or debilitating pain. And apparently mine wasn't that big - about 3mm according to the scan. A client of mine is a State Registered Nurse and she explained in GREAT detail about the process of passing a stone. First you start with a stone that, in my case, is 3mm. Then you send it down a long tube that's only 1mm wide by peristalsis...

I was hesitant about using 'giving birth' as a comparison but she said yes, that's not far off (different result - obvs)

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Moron is late for flight, calls in bomb threat

Juan Inamillion

Re: Wanted to visualise him

Is that a parking warden accompanying him?

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Microsoft warns Windows security fix may break network shares

Juan Inamillion

Re: Nothing to see it will be sorted

"Unlike Apple who regularly screw with Nas products."

How so? Curious minds, who've had no problems, are anxious to know...

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L0phtCrack's back! Crack hack app whacks Windows 10 trash hashes

Juan Inamillion

Yep, vehicle reg works for me too

Especially from vehicles (not just cars) that I no longer own. Plus, I can remember my dad's registration on car he used to have until about 1960.. (I have a weird memory sometimes).

Using two together and occasionally swapping them round is good.

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'I found the intern curled up on the data centre floor moaning'

Juan Inamillion

Re: "Pete' has omitted some details...

Exactly. I'll never forget many years ago my then best friend at the age of about 16, getting locked into our rather small bathroom. He totally panicked and practically destroyed the room trying to get out. The lock was a simple slide bolt that was a little bit sticky...

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UK local govt body blasts misleading broadband speed ads

Juan Inamillion

Mesh?

In small rural areas wouldn't a mesh wifi network be an answer. Directional antenna from the point where there's the best (fastest) speed, pointing to the next node and on etc?

Not really my field but surely could be a cost effective and easy way of improving speeds.

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US bus passenger cracks one off for three hours

Juan Inamillion

Superb find!

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Did water rocket threaten Brum airport Airbus?

Juan Inamillion

Cracking one off

Many decades ago I was working for a drug research company. In the lab was a large extractor room, the fans were seriously strong. Even so, when the valve on a bottle of compressed ammonia refused to budge there weren't many takers for attempting to delicately 'tap it' open with a hammer...

Incidentally, a comment earlier about greasing the valve - IIRC depending on the contents of the cylinder grease is the LAST thing you want on the valve...

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The Nano-NAS market is now a femto-flop being eaten by the cloud

Juan Inamillion

For what it's worth...

Admittedly I'm out of the mainstream of business IT these days. I have a selection of individuals and small business clients. But over the past 5 or so years I've seen the need for a small server solution disappear with the rise of adaptable and cheap NAS boxes. The mantra 'RAID is not a back up solution' may well be true to a professional, but for most people they see it as a cheap and easy form of data storage - fit and forget. Back up for the RAID often consists of a large capacity USB drive that someone takes home.

Whenever I can get them to discuss back up or cloud storage they quickly realise that having it all in the cloud is not a truly viable solution. In parts of the central and west end of London it's still not possible to get broadband speeds greater than 5 or 6 Mbps - the disgraceful legacy of underinvestment by the our useless government(s) and the lies put out by BT talking about 'superfast'. Telling clients that it'll take a two hours to download a single file is clearly not an option, let alone a complete back up.

For myself five years ago I bought a 2 bay NAS (Synology) to trial out at home. Starting out testing it as small file server and backup for my own computer, it's now central as media server and backup for all the computers in use in the house. And I'm not even using half of it's capability. It's getting a bit full now but upgrading the disks is simple and cheap.

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Thought you were safe from the Fortinet SSH backdoor? Think again

Juan Inamillion

Would listening to this help?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxX18WZ6Glw

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Sena's multi-action camera monster, or Cardo's PackTalk club rider juggernaut?

Juan Inamillion

Thank you.

As biker for 40+ years I finally read an interesting, sensible and informative review of some bike accessories. A real rider who admits to not using (maybe not needing) all the bells and whistles available, simply loads up and rides out. Read the manual? WTF for!

Personally I usually like to ride 'voice free' (my girlfriend wouldn't appreciate this but she doesn't read El Reg). But with everyone on mobile phones and the burgeoning need to video one's progress in case of trouble, i'm bending toward equipping myself with something like this.

Ride on.

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Hate your broadband ISP? Simply tell your city to build one – that'll get the telcos' attention

Juan Inamillion

Exactly what I've done with our Virgin Media account. Fed up with the very poor range and constant dropouts I changed it to modem mode and attached a very nice TP-Link wireless 802.11ac router (great value at about £70).

Result? Full speed throughout the house and no drop outs in 6 months.

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BBC encourages rebellious Welsh town to move offshore

Juan Inamillion

I think you'll find it refers to a link between 'Amsterdam', 'coffee shop' and 'the smoker' - if you catch my drift...

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The iPhone 6 doused in bromine - an incendiary mix or not?

Juan Inamillion

School japes

Try magnesium powder and potassium permanganate...

Also for real adventure we'd make nitrogen triiodide (.880 ammonia and iodine crystals). Very very very nasty when dry... just about stable when wet.. Great to leave some to dry on filter paper with a bit of jam and wait for a fly to land.

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SEC: Ukrainian hackers' investment fraud ring raked in millions in 'unprecedented' hack

Juan Inamillion

Re: Should have followed the old adage...

It's called "greed"...

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Black and blue: The rise of the riotous Richard Pryor

Juan Inamillion

Mr Pedant here

Spelled his name incorrectly in the URL... *cough*

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In redneck heaven, internet outages are the American Way

Juan Inamillion

Re: Er, that's actually a South Dakota/Minnesota billboard

"You're from Liverpool? Do you know any of the Beatles?"

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