* Posts by Chris King

678 posts • joined 13 Feb 2009

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Is your child a hacker? Liverpudlian parents get warning signs checklist

Chris King
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Re: Warning signs that your civil servant is technically clueless

It's still around, unfortunately.

I remember work thinking about getting a private island, and all the things they were planning to do with it. Pointing management to some of the stuff in Something Awful's Second Life Safari killed the idea stone dead.

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Chris King
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Re: "Cyber Security Leader & Entrepreneur"

Never heard of the bloke before now. Some "leader" !

Anyone who describes themselves as an "Entrepreneur" is rarely the real deal. It usually translates to "Twit with bad idea seeks twit with venture capital for a short and expensive relationship".

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UnBrex-pected move: Amazon raises UK workforce to 24,000

Chris King
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Re: What's the Brexit angle?

Amazon Logistics doesn't get used much round my way, but Amazon do have some perverse algorithm for picking carriers...

Anything cheap/difficult to break - expensive courier (usually DPD) or Royal Mail

Anything expensive/fragile - Amazon Logistics/Yodel

The only deliveries that are consistent are Locker deliveries, which I believe are exclusively handled by TNT.

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Chris King
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Re: Picture is fake

I bet it rattles because of all the broken bits inside.

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Dead cockroaches make excellent magnets – now what are we supposed to do with this info?

Chris King
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Chris King
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Re: A pedant writes

I always thought it was ants.

I'm hoping it's ants.

A nuclear winter would be bad enough, without having to fend off radiation-hardy wasps.

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Chris King
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The Four Fridge Notes of the Apocalypse

Cancel papers

Build shelter

Extra toilet rolls

Be nice to our new Cockroach Overlords

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Chris King
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Phase V

Cockroach Star Drive.

(Hmm, sounds more like a band name)

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Chris King
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In one of those strange pub conversations I tend to get dragged into, we all agreed that three things would survive a nuclear apocalypse:

* Cockroaches

* BBC Micros

* Those big cans of industrial-grade sweet-and-sour sauce you find in takeaways

We then tried to imagine what a post-nuclear winter would look like... A giant cockroach playing Chuckie Egg while another giant cockroach pedals an exercise bike to power the Beeb, with the rest of the tribe swigging from sweet-and-sour cans and egging Player 1 onto a new high score.

We decided that the cockroaches probably wouldn't play Elite because (a) the whole Thargoid thing and (b) the poor bastard on the bike would be there for a while - "Keep pedalling, I haven't got a Docking Computer yet !"

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Chris King
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Re: Shields up!

Better that, than having spatial torpedoes bouncing off their shielding.

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Installing disks is basically LEGO, right? This admin failed LEGO

Chris King
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The Curse of "Cowboy Keith"...

If you're out in the sticks and need to get a PC fixed, you can usually find some half-baked "expert" preying on the locals, and charging them over-the-odds for shoddy repairs.

"Cowboy Keith" was something special though. I could have made a career out of cleaning up the mayhem he left in his wake, but then I would have had to charge danger money to make some of his "repairs" safe...

One machine had a RAM upgrade, with four completely different sticks of RAM - FPM, SDRAM, EDO and who knows what the hell the fourth stick was, but "compatible" it certainly wasn't. He also claimed to have fitted a "brand new" CD drive in the machine, but I found it was caked with dust.

Another machine got a new no-name PSU which promptly set fire to its own cables (I've never seen PSU cables that thin before or since) and he'd used super glue on a CPU heatsink, to hide the fact that he'd overclocked a slower processor and charged the customer for something faster.

There were several other "experts" I encountered in that job, including the local "computer shop" that complained that I wouldn't send business their way. Maybe if they hadn't stiffed me on a personal order and caused me so much data recovery work with their "generic" (spelled C-R-A-P-P-Y) floppies, I might have been a little more charitable.

Then again, wailing that I was threatening their business and demanding my dismissal hardened my stance somewhat.

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Chris King
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Re: HTFU?

Or maybe he crafted his own special hammer to smash the caddies in ?

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MEPs in 'urgent' call for new laws on artificial intelligence and robotics

Chris King
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Share And Enjoy ! Share And Enjoy !

"Although manufacturers including Volvo, Google, and Mercedes say they will accept full liability if their autonomous vehicles cause a collision, this is not currently a legal requirement."

They're only saying that until they can work out how to say "Go stick your head in a pig" in legalese...

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Xen Project wants permission to reveal fewer vulnerabilities

Chris King
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“Issuing advisories has a cost”

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Writing bad code has a cost. The cost of putting it right later.

Not fixing things has a cost. The cost of lost customer confidence when things break.

Keeping quiet has a cost. The cost of lost customer trust.

And if you're cutting corners on bug-fixing, where are other corners being cut ?

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Next Superdome CPU chips amble into HPE

Chris King
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Re: Opteron killed Itanium

VMS is already on it's way to x86-64, but not as a HP product - https://vmssoftware.com/

Non-Stop supposedly has Xeon-based hardware available, but I haven't seen any roadmaps for a couple of years.

HP-UX 11i v3 will be supported until at least 2025, earlier 11i's are now "PVS without SE", so HP will "support" you (but you don't get any new patches/updates) until 2019 - no idea what happened to HP-UX on x86, but I suspect it was taken round the barn and shot a while ago.

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Get it while it's hot: NASA's Space Poo contest winners wipe up $30k

Chris King
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Re: American solution...

"Russian solution. Cork from bottle of vodka."

Or just down the vodka. You'll still crap yourself, just not give a crap about it.

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Cheer up, pal: UK mobe networks are now 8% less crap, tests show

Chris King
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Re: Customer satisfaction measurements?

I was with Orange throughout the 90's and most of the 00's, as they had a great reputation for good customer service. Then in the space of a couple of years they seemed to stop giving a crap, and that was when I jumped ship."

Ditto. Customer Service pretty much went to crap soon after France Telecom got their claws into the company, and they ceased to innovate on the technology - but hey, we got the "Animal" plans and 2-for-1 cinema tickets and pizzas instead, yay for mediocrity !

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High tides: Boffins spy on dolphins baked on poisonous piscines

Chris King
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Trollface

I suppose we'd look smug too...

...if we could gargle venom and not die.

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Chris King
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Finding your Spirit Animal/Space Coyote/whatever

"Psylocybin are the mushroom of choice here in the UK, if you can find some the deer haven't got to first"

It must be pretty rough on the poor deer, finding out that their "Spirit Human" is Gerald in Accounts.

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Chris King
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Paris Hilton

Not surprising really

So, we can add "addiction to recreational drugs" to this list.

Apparently, they're STD-riddled, sex-mad killing machines that will quite happily get jiggy with passing humans, murder their own young and play volleyball with baby sharks. Don't even get me started on reason #10.

I remember being forced to watch a video telling me that we should all behave more like dolphins ("Dolphins work in teams" yadda yadda yadda), and it was about the time some of this stuff first came out.

Asking the "motivational" speaker if we should also kill porpoises and take bites out of colleagues if we're feeling hungry didn't go down very well for some reason.

Icon, because the dolphins' behaviour isn't all that different.

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Stick glue on a drone. Fly it into a flower. World hunger solved, bee-lieve

Chris King
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Black Helicopters

Hmmm...

Aren't those blades going to blow pollen away from the drone, before it has chance to get close enough to the plants ? Maybe a long probe might be better, like the long bill on a hummingbird ?

Icon, because a drone THAT big would blow away the plants, let alone the pollen.

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IT guy checks to see if PC is virus-free, with virus-ridden USB stick

Chris King
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Facepalm

Some men just want to watch the world burn...

I once had to deal with an infected laptop, where the user knew a download was likely to be infected (cracked software), but he still wanted to see what happened if he clicked on it anyway.

He'd also turned off the AV because (his words) "it got in my way".

Icon says it all.

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Instapaper in 31-hour outage, says it needs a week to restore all data

Chris King
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Hitting a limit without being able to scale up or out ? REALLY ?!

“...it appears we hit a system limit for our hosted database that’s preventing new articles from being saved”

TRANSLATION: We ran out of space, and nobody put 50p in the meter for more.

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Big blues: IBM's remote-worker crackdown is company-wide, including its engineers

Chris King
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Why does this sound familiar ?

A Dilbert from 1996 !

And a Dilbert from 2013 !

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USMC: We want more F-35s per year than you Limeys will get in half a decade

Chris King
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Stealing our watches to tell us the time ?

"In the meantime, the seven British-owned aircraft are being used on flight and weapons trials"

Hang on, are you saying we're paying top dollar for these planes, AND paying for the privilege of getting part-worn airframes once the Yanks finish their testing ?

Sounds like we're "mummy" in this contract, and "daddy" doesn't care if we've got a headache.

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Intel Atom chips have been dying for at least 18 months – only now is truth coming to light

Chris King
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SuperMicro quoted 7 years availabilty for their C2000 boards.

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Chris King
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That's why I was cynical of JP's responses in yesterday's article.

"We're looking into it" would have been plenty good enough for me, but "take a ticket" sounds more like a delaying tactic, especially if they don't seem to have answers.

I've made sure that everything on my DS1815+ is backed up elsewhere - I've gone from "happy camper" to "Can I even trust the tin ?" in the space of 24 hours, and I'm probably not alone on that score.

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Intel's Atom C2000 chips are bricking products – and it's not just Cisco hit

Chris King
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"How many board manufacturers state the stepping/revision number of any chip that is fitted to a particular board?"

Most manufacturers who sold Z68 motherboards made a big song-and-dance about having B3-stepping chipsets, because B2 had SATA controllers that failed in a short time. Hey, sounds familiar ! (Just sayin'...)

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Chris King
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Mushroom

Re: Uh oh

Dear JP

Posting boilerplate messages to random threads doesn't inspire me with confidence in Synology's approach to this problem.

Right now, I've got a shiny DS1815+ that's humming along very nicely, but I'd really like to know if this thing has one of affected processors so I can plan accordingly. I understand that RAID Is Not Backup, so losing access to my storage won't hurt me, but it will make my life less convenient.

This is an inherent fault in manufacture of a component, identified by the manufacturer of that component. I'd really like to know what Synology (and other manufacturers who are reading this discussion - CK) are going to do to rectify it.

If your attitude is "we'll wait for your kit to die, then we'll replace it" then your box is going back to where I bought it from - and I will make very sure that anyone who asks me for advice on buying a NAS knows that.

Toodle Pip,

CK

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Chris King
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FAIL

Re: Uh oh

Double jeopardy for me... "If my 1815+ crashes, no worries, stuff is available elsewhere in verified backups. I can always build myself a U-NAS box as a replacement and I've got just the motherbo-oh crap, it's a C2758 !"

Seems 2016 was not a great year for hardware purchases for the home lab.

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Chris King
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Re: Uh oh

pfSense also sell boxes based on C2358/C2758 processors.

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UK uni KCL spunks IT budget on 'reputation management' after IT disaster headlines

Chris King
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Facepalm

Re: Reputation Management

"I've been informed that the guy responsible is no longer with RiskEye too, although the firm didn't explain why"

Aww, did they have to hire another reputation management service to deal with that incident ?

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Global drug-dealing cyber crime web was centred on ... Aberdovey

Chris King
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NUMBER FOUR CARTRIDGE ! *BOOM*

I know it's a Farcebook link, but scroll down the page for the trailer.

It was produced by the team behind "Judge Minty" and it's going to premiere at the 40 Years of Thrill-Power Festival on Feb 11th.

P.S.

Big chunks of the Cursed Earth scenes in "Judge Minty" were shot in Llanberis.

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Please come back! TalkTalk woos customers with broadband offers

Chris King
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"TT Residential often gets a kicking..."

And rightly so.

It's cheap, bandwidth is massively over-subscribed, they filter and throttle everybody, and the tech support is frankly a nightmare. I've lost count of the number of times friends/colleagues asked me to sit in on support calls to act as "designated grown-up" or "bullshit filter".

I can't comment on their Business offerings as I've never dealt with TT Business directly, but their Wholesale offerings (resold by other ISP's) aren't bad at all. I've got a AAISP Home::1 1Tb line on TalkTalk - apart from a few minor blips, it has been a consistent 70Mbit down/20Mbit up, rock-solid and runs at full tilt whatever time of day I choose to use it. No filtering, no "bandwidth management", and no peak time slow-downs - it's a VERY different beast to the miserable TT Retail experience.

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Judge allows plan for Intel to reanimate McAfee. The brand, we mean

Chris King
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Toxic branding

If anyone slapped the McAfee brand name on a security product, that act of stupidity alone would make me think twice about even evaluating it, let alone purchasing it.

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Counter-terror cops arrest pair for sending poo-smeared toilet paper to public figures

Chris King
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"All rolled up on a cardboard tube?"

"Executive Orders, Please Take One" ?

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Naughty sysadmins use dark magic to fix PCs for clueless users

Chris King
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Re: Technomagic

http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff300/fv00255.htm

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Chris King
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The Exorcist

Similar story to GlenP's, and the user was in a pretty rotten mood when I turned up.

I reckoned that the monitor needed a good, sharp knock to fix the wobbles, and the user was in need of a good laugh.

"The Power of Chris compels you !" *light tap*

"The Power of Chris compels you !!" *not-so-light tap*

"THE POWER OF CHRIS COMPELS YOU !!!" *whack*

The picture's now steady as a rock, and the user's laughing like crazy.

Sometimes, you have to fix the wetware as well as the hardware and software...

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Linux nasty kicks weak, hacked gadgets when they're already down

Chris King
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"Satanic Socks"

Has someone been rifling through my laundry basket ?

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Oh, the things Vim could teach Silicon Valley's code slingers

Chris King
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Re: As a long-time Vim user (since 2005 or so)

Next thing you know, you'll be praising TECO, and I shall have to call the police.

(This is where we need a "Get off my lawn, young whippersnappers" icon)

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Annoyingly precocious teen who ruined Trek is now an asteroid

Chris King
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Are you sure you're not referring to the adult version ?

The version that also makes goofy faces whenever someone punches him ?

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Chris King
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Re: And Picard is now a turd

"Make it po, Number One"

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IT team sent dirt file to Police as they all bailed from abusive workplace

Chris King
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This of course assumes that the company officially recognises the union that you have joined:

https://www.gov.uk/trade-union-recognition-employers/overview

The more slimy companies usually set up a "Staff Association" instead, usually filled with sycophants. They're fantastic for organising staff jollies and discounts, but they'll probably throw you under the bus or look the other way as soon as you hit a problem with management.

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BT installs phone 'spam filter', says it'll strain out mass cold-callers

Chris King
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Re: "huge computing power"

"Of course we know who these people are - we kept the receipts !"

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Chris King
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Re: A Typical Scam Call I Get

I prefer to wind them up, especially the ones pretending to be "tech support" or pretending to be from my bank.

Hey, they're trying to commit fraud by deception, so why should I care if my unique style of "professional unpleasantness" leaves them upset and annoyed ? They're criminals and they deserve an ulcer or two.

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Chris King
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Re: A Typical Scam Call I Get

I used to wind up the "Had an accident at work ?" mob by pretending to have amnesia as a result of my slip, trip or whatever caused me to bang my head. "Coo ! The brain damage alone must be worth MILLIONS !"

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TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

Chris King
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Re: Alexa!

"Order me 17 tons of nitrogen fertilizer, a copy of the Quran and a complete set of Tek Wars by William Shatner."

The first two might get you put on a watch list, the third will almost certainly get you sectioned for your own safety.

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Chris King
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Re: @ Lee D

I can't even get "OK Google" to function, though I admit my accent is a little screwed (I'm from Yorkshire, so it's quite deep, but was mainly raised by my Irish nan, so picked up talking at speed, which is fine if you're a high pitched Irish person, but not if you're low pitched Yorkshiremen).

Why am I now imagining Compo from "Last of the Summer Wine" walking up to one of these things and saying "ey'oop Google !" ?

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Chris King
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Re: Life imitating Dilbert

Ninety-Nine ! Ninety-Nine ! Ninety-Nine ! (Jump to 54 seconds if this link doesn't take you there)

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Bank robber reveals identity – by using his debit card during crime

Chris King
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Nothing new here

I remember some idiot ordering very dodgy videos from overseas using a credit card registered to his halls of residence address, nearly twenty years ago. I won't go into too much detail about the material, child "actors" were involved and NOT in a good way.

The package was intercepted in transit, and an undercover police operation was launched to catch said idiot when he went to collect it from the local sorting office.

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