* Posts by Chris King

736 posts • joined 13 Feb 2009

Page:

Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: We have known for years

Real Daleks don't worry about stairs. Real Daleks just level the building.

2
0
Chris King
Silver badge

You've met RoboCop...

...now meet Not-Much-Cop.

4
0

Linus Torvalds may have damned systemd with faint praise

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: It's a phase young programmers go through

When it achieves sentience, we should make it fight a death-match with Emacs.

Darkened room, two half bricks.

Once one beats the other to death, we shoot the victor as it staggers out.

10
0

User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Grooming habits... or lack thereof...

"When he left, we had to throw away his mouse, his keyboard and the arms off his wheely chair; each was thickly coated with a crust of nicotine, tar and god knows what else... I wish I'd taken some photos to scare my kids with when the get old enough to be tempted by smoking, it was that disgusting".

In a previous On-Call, I mentioned a chain-smoking prof with a yellowed PC and monitor. I handled that thing with thick latex gloves, because nicotine in those concentrations can be pretty nasty. If I had my way, the machine would have been sealed up in a thick plastic bag ready for disposal.

7
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Government staff: need I say more?

Been a while, but when I was working at the Uni, one of the lecturers (might have been a grad student, can't remember) emailed the support staff asking "Is email working?" I replied with something like "seem to be.."

Never heard anything back from him.

Don't try that with philosophy lecturers. They'll argue with you all day on the meaning of "working".

The best I ever managed with them was a no-score draw after extra time. I might have won if it had gone to penalties.

15
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: After vacation

"Now, talking about grooming, or the lack of thereof, we once had a new colleague that was lacking any kind of grooming (or he had a serious medical condition), his stink was so pungent one could not stay in a closed room with him. Luckily, he was on probation, no need to mention he never did it".

Yep, I had to deal with the occasional Mr (or Miss) Smelly, but one year I had to deal with Mr Vile. He was a real-life version of Foul Ole Ron (buggrit millennium hand and shrimp) but his Smell always stayed at his side. You know it's bad when someone stinks out the room SO badly that you have to open the windows for several hours afterwards... in the middle of winter.

One of the local supermarkets employed him, but people tended to queue up for other tills rather than risk being tainted by the Smell.

6
0

PC rebooted every time user flushed the toilet

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Similar story - different cause

I had a similar case with a friend with intermittent broadband faults.

It was around Christmas, so my first thought was her tree lights - but it turned out she had also replaced an electronic starter in the flourescent lights in her kitchen, and that was kicking out enough interference to knock her router off-line. A quick MW radio test confirmed my suspicions - nothing much in the way of noise from the tree lights, but turn on the kitchen lights and there was a massive burst of squealing from the radio.

Replacing the faulty starter fixed that pretty much instantly.

9
0

Cheeky IT rival parks 'we're hiring' van outside 'vote Tory' firm Storm Technologies

Chris King
Silver badge

"As soon as the New Poor Laws have been enacted you won't need to worry yourself about voting ever again".

Feudalism - it's your Count that Votes.

45
0

TalkTalk customers complain of being unable to load Amazon website

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: normally

Aye. They're eye-wateringly expensive, but well worth it if/when things go wrong.

A couple of years back, BT dumped my line into a "hot" VLAN and performance went down the toilet at peak times. Most normal ISP's would have given up and told me to accept the fact that I now had a crap line, but AAISP went out of their way to make BT sort out the problem. This one went up to BT's High Level Escalation (HLE) team, and was eventually fixed:

http://www.revk.uk/2015/03/some-times-bt-just-dont-understand.html

As I've said elsewhere, AAISP have a secret weapon for dealing with BT - answers to the name "Shaun", likes BT managers but will eat normal food if required !

1
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: normally

AAISP use TalkTalk wholesale for some services, like their 1Tb/month Home::1 product.

I've been on this for just over a year - performance and stability has been consistently good apart from the occasional blip, but TT have been working with the ISP's to fix problems.

It's a VERY different experience to the misery that is TalkTalk retail.

6
0

Etsy issues pink slips for almost quarter of staff in quest for profit

Chris King
Silver badge
Coat

At least someone at the company will know how to stitch up your wounds.

Yes, mines the one with the crocheted pockets...

8
0

Facebook has a solution to all the toxic dross on its site – wait, it's not AI?

Chris King
Silver badge

"Removing all the toxic dross on facebook will mean that the virtue signallers have nowhere to demonstrate their righteousness and there will be nothing left".

I think there would be much rejoicing from the rest of us, if that ever happened.

8
0

Break crypto to monitor jihadis in real time? Don't be ridiculous, say experts

Chris King
Silver badge

There are quite a few (well-publicised) cases of extremists trying to "knit their own crypto" and making a complete balls of it, some of them have even been reported here.

Eventually, one of them will come up with something decent, and GCHQ/NSA/<insert acronym here> will be back to square one. All it will take is a few evil/misguided/pissed-off crypto geeks.

3
0

'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

Chris King
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Re:Guess my teachers still don't like me.

"From my experience, they don't like smart arses, the class goody two shoes etc etc"

One teacher took an instant dislike to me when she found out she'd taught one of my aunties... The one that threw her down a flight of stairs and broke her leg about 25 years earlier.

Icon, because that's what she saw me as for the rest of my time there.

9
0

Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Chris King
Silver badge

"One rang me back immediately to complain that I was being very rude - and that his god would curse me".

I had one say his god would curse me...

"Maybe, but I think he'll be too busy cursing potty-mouthed scumbags like you !" *click*

8
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Freak 'em out !

I haven't had to deploy my "emergency" phrase yet, but I fear one day I shall have to...

"You sound yummy, will you be my friend ?"

Bonus points if I manage to sound dangerous-yet-heavily-medicated while saying it.

16
0

Backup crack-up: Fasthosts locks people out of data storage for days amid WCry panic

Chris King
Silver badge

So...

How long would FastHosts have continued using their obsolete and unsupported platform if this hadn't happened ? And would they have even coughed up to running 2K3 ?

4
0

PC repair chap lets tech support scammer log on to his PC. His Linux PC

Chris King
Silver badge

A variation on the last one, for the "you had an accident" scumbags, is to agree that it was indeed a very serious accident, in which I died. The longest period of confused silence before they hang up is currently seven seconds.

I use a similar line to wind them up... "I don't remember that accident... Hey, the brain damage alone must be worth MILLIONS !!!"

12
0
Chris King
Silver badge
Flame

Re: For the phone scammers ...

I've used that approach as well, and it really pisses them off.

Rant level: Davros.

Imagine Peter Sellers, Michael Bentine or Spike Milligan delivering Davros' later lines from the "Unlimited Rice Pudding" scene in a fake Indian accent, and you get the general idea.

I don't bother wasting their time, I prefer to wind them up and stress them out as fast as I can. They're crims and they deserve that ulcer, what more is there to say ?

(Icon, because they'll need a lot of Gaviscon to put that one out)

17
0

French drone bods Parrot wheel out 'prosumer' division

Chris King
Silver badge

True - but is anyone doing stuff like this with DJI's ?

(And it's still less robotic than Stallone was !)

0
0

User loses half of a CD-ROM in his boss's PC

Chris King
Silver badge

Leaked: The UK's secret blueprint with telcos for mass spying on internet, phones – and backdoors

Chris King
Silver badge

Law of Unintended Consequences

So, when the rest of the planet chooses not to do business with us because our crypto cannot be trusted, we'll be back to buying stuff with Postal Orders - assuming we can find a Post Office that hasn't been shut down.

Yay for mediocrity.

24
0

Industrial plant robots frequently connected to the 'net without authentication

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Yep, that's what I went to jail for

You'd have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those damn kids and that pesky IDS...

3
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: A prankster...

No robot could ever produce a vehicle as bad as a "Friday Afternoon Special" Marina.

8
0

Forgetful ZX Spectrum reboot firm loses control of its web domains

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: There's dumb and there's stupid

"Nominet are very good at reminding folks and even allow an extended time after the names expire"

Normally you get 30 days from expiry to pay up, then the domain is suspended, and the registration is cancelled 90 days from expiry if you haven't paid up.

Some registrars are stricter, and might re-delegate your domain to something else that serves out "this domain is suspended" pages.

It is also possible to surrender a domain, and your registrarion is cancelled pretty much immediately - I've done this with a .co.uk in the past.

Maybe one of the former directors decided to rid himself of an "asset" he no longer needed, and someone else picked it up ? No security incident to see here, citizens, move along...

2
0

Doctor Who-inspired proxy transmogrifies politically sensitive web to avoid gov censorship

Chris King
Silver badge

"Slitheen", eh ?

So, is this thing going to fall apart if soaked in vinegar, and will it make my network packets smell like farts ?

6
0

Drunk user blow-dried laptop after dog lifted its leg over the keyboard

Chris King
Silver badge
Coat

Was it really the dog's fault ?

Did Jim's manager just spill a beer on the keyboard and blame it on the dog ?

(Yeah, Yeah, I know, Rover shouldn't have been drinking at the keyboard)

0
0

Boss swore by 'For Dummies' book about an OS his org didn't run

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: But the real issue is

Hershey's is "homeopathic" chocolate. I believe one of their factories has a (still-sealed) tin of cocoa powder that they occasionally wave in the direction of the production line.

6
0

Sysadmin 'trashed old bosses' Oracle database with ticking logic bomb'

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: BOFH?

"The issue for the BOFH of course is that the Allegro MicroSystems building is only a two story building so the drop from the upper floor is not far enough to do any real damage".

Unless vehicles pass by on the ground floor. When do the bins go out ?

3
0

Graffiti 'dying out' as kids dump spray cans for Instagram, Twitter etc

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Short attention span

Sometimes, you even get a phallus on "proper" art

Yes, Dobbin loved his master very much indeed, but he's not so excited now.

0
0

Printer blown to bits by compressed air

Chris King
Silver badge
Coat

"After having a 24-port switch destroyed when a cat vomited over it, I decided to implemet access control".

Looks like the cats have been sharing swipe cards again ?

4
0
Chris King
Silver badge

ED-500

No, it's not ED-209's big brother, but it will still blow you away if you don't show it any respect.

I made the mistake of demo'ing one to colleagues using an old desktop PC, and I really should have taken it outside.

The atmosphere wasn't thick with dust bunnies... It pretty much blew them apart on contact.

They say the motor is a three-quarter horsepower unit. One thing is for certain - the missing quarter of the horse isn't the back legs, as this thing has quite a kick on power-up.

1
0

BOFH: Defenestration, a solution to Solutions To Problems We Don't Have

Chris King
Silver badge

"Does anyone care that I'm a bear ?"

Check out the Dilbert animated episode "The Takeover", where executives throw themselves out of a window (including the PHB).

Turns out it's a ground floor window and they're all piled up on top of each other.

"Take me home Saint Peter ! Why hast thou forsaken me ?"

"Because you were an atheist until you hit the ground"

"Mental note: Find religion first !"

6
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Defenestration

My new office windows open out even further than the old ones, so I've been telling people I can defenestrate them and they won't even touch the glass.

Okay, so I'm only one floor up, but if I time it right there's always the bin lorry to deal with.

10
0

BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Being on a placement myself...

At least he didn't say "Put down the VT100, Gandalf !"

7
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Being on a placement myself...

I had one idiot yoof call me an "IT dinosaur" recently because I started my career before he was even born.

"Yeah, that's right... Big head, fat body, little arms. That must make me a fuckin' T-Rex and WAY higher up the food chain than you !"

Apparently, I have the kind of Stare that makes people back off. I haven't seen him since.

11
0

New plastic banknote plans now upsetting environmental campaigners

Chris King
Silver badge

SOYLENT STIRLING IS BORIS !

That would be one way of ensuring that nobody ever handles the notes without using tongs and/or thick rubber gloves. You wouldn't want to get that sort of stupidity on you !

4
1

'Trash-80' escapes the dustbin of history with new TRS-80 emulator

Chris King
Silver badge

"May have to buy a new Windows machine for home use 'special research project' (to prevent Wife 1.0 downgrading Husband 1.0 to beta status)".

Could be worse. She could just EOL you and obtain Husband 2.0 instead.

11
0

I need an ISP that offers IPv6. Virgin Media: Whatevs, nerd

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: need? really?

"Many ISPs already are doing CGN".

Virgin Media is considering it.

Hyperoptic have already deployed it to customers because they're not in a position to offer IPv6 yet.

0
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: If in the UK, I recommend

They also offer a L2TP service you can use over another ISP - £10 a month for 1Tb.

Okay, so it's not unlimited, but it comes with a fixed IPv4 address and a block of IPv6.

SIXXS may be shutting down, but Hurricane Electric still offer free IPv6 tunnels AND tutorials to get you up and running.

7
0

Squirrel sinks teeth into SAN cabling, drives Netadmin nuts

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Best traps

Ditto your basement. Nothing like running round a basement for an hour with a cardboard box, trying to catch one particularly skittish squirrel.

I got him though, and I let him go in the nearby park. The ungrateful bastard promptly ran out into the road and got himself squished under a bus.

Oh, and he crapped in the box before being let free.

2
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: But

"The Whippets and feral cats agree, squirrels are quite tasty. Only thing the two seem to agree on".

And chickens.

1
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: But

"In the UK it is an offence to catch and release Grey Squirrels as they're such a bleedy menace"

They're especially bleedy when they run into the road and straight under vehicles.

Greys have ZERO traffic sense, while Reds tend to stay up in the trees - no doubt sniggering as their more drab cousins get squished.

6
0
Chris King
Silver badge

BzzzZzzzzzZZZZzzzz...

One server room in my current gig has something that can only be described as a "swamp" next to it.

Open the emergency exit, and half the insect kingdom descends upon you.

Mostly the half that stings and bites.

8
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Sqirrel Latrine

"He wasn't initially bothered by the rustling in the roof but eventually drew the line when the squirrel decided that his office printer made an ideal latrine".

In a previous On-Call, I had a similar experience with a colony of bats roosting over my head. Fortunately, they picked another part of the building to "go potty".

I'm guessing that in your boss' case, Tufty was relieving himself when the printer was switched off ?

2
0

Tip for darknet drug lords: Don't wear latex gloves to the post office

Chris King
Silver badge

Re: Why would he wear latex gloves?

I thought "fingerprints" too, but wondered if he could have been OCD ?

I knew a student who wore thick rubber gloves all the time, because he considered the PC lab keyboards, library books and so on to be "unclean".

(Looking at the proxy logs for the labs, he may have had a point, dirty little devils - mind you, the staff were FAR worse in that gig !)

I'm not talking about ordinary Marigolds here either, these were like extra-thick gauntlets and looked like the sort of thing you'd wear for handling really nasty chemicals - so you can imagine what that did for his typing speed.

Eventually, he sought treatment, and it was heartening to see him switch to lighter surgical gloves, then cotton ones, and eventually stop wearing them altogether.

1
0

BOFH: Don't back up in anger

Chris King
Silver badge

Didn't someone come up with a BS5750-compliant method of making toast, that allowed you to burn it so long as you could scrape it to the desired colour ?

4
0
Chris King
Silver badge

Bonus points for

laxatives, or something hallucinogenic in the antacid, or both.

Everyone else is retching at the pics, but Brian's voided himself, saying "What's wrong with the pictures anyway ? I'm more worried about the dragon on the boardroom table !"

16
0

Google Maps' Street View can now lead you into a bubbling lava lake

Chris King
Silver badge

This confirms my theory...

...that Google doesn't like pedestrians.

I've lost count of the number of times they've suggested I walk directly directly over a busy roundabout or play real-life Frogger with six lanes of traffic.

5
0

Ubiquiti network gear can be 'hijacked by an evil URL' – thanks to its 20-year-old PHP build

Chris King
Silver badge

Seems to be mostly AirMax products...

The EdgeMax kit (EdgeRouter/EdgeSwitch/EdgePoint) uses PHP 7.0 for its UI, and current UniFi controllers run 5.6.

EdgeMax got some upgrade love when Rasmus Lerdorf bought an EdgeRouter:

https://toys.lerdorf.com/archives/59-Upgrading-PHP-on-the-EdgeRouter-Lite.html

5
0

Page:

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017