* Posts by Evil Auditor

1701 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

Evil Auditor
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Re: PBKAC

Most people, maybe... Printer indicates "no paper". User who sits next to that printer phones me to let me know that she can't print. That moment, more than 20 years ago, I gave up hope on users. And soon became one myself. With the occasional twist of knowing more than the IT support guy - that was before Windows 10/Office 2016 though. Now we're all back to stupid. And probably not long before I myself will try to click away a post-it note stuck to the screen. When that happens, someone please shoot me.

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How we fooled Google's AI into thinking a 3D-printed turtle was a gun: MIT bods talk to El Reg

Evil Auditor
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Re: As I read it

There's certainly no "I" in this "AI". I don't quite agree with algorithmic in your comment though. It's probably some sort of artificial neural network trained to recognise what it has recognised before. Pretty stupid, but... since it's hardly understood what happens within this neural network, they call it intelligent.

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Combinations? Permutations? Those words don't mean what you think they mean

Evil Auditor
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Re: How I always remembered it

I was quite disappointed to discover that they were not nearly as secure as I had assumed.

They look pretty insecure to me in the first place. Before trying any combination you'd rather crack open the whole lock. If you can't figure the combination from the dirt on the right keys, that is.

Anyway, those locks are not really made to secure anything. They are rather there against accidentally opening the wrong door.

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Night out in London tonight: Beer, Reg and platform wars

Evil Auditor
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Tribes

It's been mentioned in the article already. Techies are not much different to the regular blokes* and most people are still tribal. We like to group, to differentiate from other groups, being it on religion, country, profession, you name it - and technology platforms for techies. The latter, at least, is hardly ever cause for bloodshed** and hence a rather peaceful war.

* Surely I don't want to exclude them but I've yet to come across any significant number of female techies who are equaliy obsessed about their platform being the best.

** Except (not really a platform though) those bloody sharp-edged fuckers of Olivetti computers. I hated them. And I also hate Windows 8, Office 365, Apple's locked platform rubbish....

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Ernst & Young slapped with £1.8 MEEEELLION fine for crap accounting

Evil Auditor
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Re: The Big 4

I've got experiences with several member firms of the Big 4 networks. And I've seen both work done badly and work done very well in most of those firms. It mostly depends on individuals, whether they do their job well, and hence shows a lack of quality control. (QC is even less sexy business than the bread-and-butter stuff known as audit.) It's just right that both the company and the audit engagement partner get fined.

Regarding the £1.8m, this shouldn't be compared to EY's global revenue of $31.4bn. For a more meaningful comparison the £1.8m should be put in perspective to EY UK's revenue. It's still not going to ruin EY UK as in 2016 it was somewhere north of £2bn.

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BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

Evil Auditor
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In all my years of evilly auditing -and I've encoutered and investigated quite a few fraud cases - and much to my disappointment I've never had to pleasure to meet a BOfH-like opponent. Usually, first they simply deny. Second, they keep denying. Third are the excuses and entering the whiny mode.

But without exception they didn't cover their trails. Well, the ones who presumably did I never found...

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Portland posts full report on Uber's dirty dealings with Greyball

Evil Auditor
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Re: Never Used Them

a yank lurker, I'm with you - no cc or more sensitive data on my mobile either. And no Uber etc. But what do you do when you need a lift in a town like San Francisco? There are hardly any taxis left. No chance of simply waving at the next cab. Unless you are blessed with extreme patience.

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Five ways Apple can fix the iPhone, but won't

Evil Auditor
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God may use DOS 6.3 or DolphinDOS - no one really cares except god. But I know for a fact that god wants us to use OS/400 on any mobile phone for god itself designed specifically for that use.

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Massive iPhone X leak trashes Apple's 10th anniversary circus

Evil Auditor
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Re: Apple has redrawn the poo emoji

What were they thinking?!

When I first heard of an emoji film I thought it was a bad joke. Then missus assured me that it is actually a real thing. Which sane person would want to watch this? So, animated poo seems less of a surprise now.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Apple has redrawn the poo emoji

Len Goddard, if my memory serves me right they had the respective "olfactory emitter" sone years ago in desktop products. Problem was that the emission of stink wasn't striktly limited to when a poo icon was displayed on screen. For those affected it was rather constant. And not very popular either.

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The bigger the drone, the bigger the impact

Evil Auditor
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Re: WTF?

tins of bear - those Aussies..

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Evil Auditor
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No human pilots

...so no human lives at risk

Somewhere over the jungle probably not. In densely populated urban areas though...?

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Everybody without Android Oreo vulnerable to overlay attack

Evil Auditor
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Facepalm

...simply by being installed on the device."

I'm save then! For ages my Android has been refusing to install any software. Ever since Google Play said it needs to move to a current version in order to function and at the same time refused to update because my Android build is too old.

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Scotiabank internet whizzkids screw up their HTTPS security certs

Evil Auditor
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Re: It can happen

I don't see why every dog's blog should provide TLS. But as soon as someone needs to rely on the provided information TLS becomes rather essential. And this surely includes a bank's marketing site.

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Evil Auditor
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Yep. Any warning, that is.

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Boffins: 68 exoplanets in prime locations to SPY on humanity on Earth

Evil Auditor
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Re: Alien SETI project

Good that we don't need to worry about our radio signals. The flip side of the coin though is that neither aliens need to worry about our SETI. And all that we would pick up is probably a single distress (read: warning) signal from a crashed spacecraft on an otherwise deserted object.

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Red panic: Best Buy yanks Kaspersky antivirus from shelves

Evil Auditor
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No but "the only good backdoor is our own.backdoor."

Except it is not.

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User demanded PC be moved to move to a sunny desk – because it needed Windows

Evil Auditor
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Re: Error 524

I tell you, the Russian even throws apostrophes. Wildly!

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Dolphins inspire ultrasonic attacks that pwn smartphones, cars and digital assistants

Evil Auditor
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Tuna? Soon they'll order freakin' lasers. Or magnetic mines.

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Dude who claimed he invented email is told by judge: It's safe to say you didn't invent email

Evil Auditor
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"the immigration problem"

He's just trying to protect his arsetsassets. Clearly he can't want that more people come over pulling dodgy claims out of their arses. It's threatening his alternative reality.

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Oracle staff report big layoffs across Solaris, SPARC teams

Evil Auditor
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Re: Do Oracle fans exist?

Well, I really liked Solaris. Does that count as an Oracle fan?

Maybe not.

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Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

Evil Auditor
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Survey

Is there someone out there who likes clowns?

Please only respond if you do so.

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Evil Auditor
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King: when I was a kid I was scared of clown. Now clowns fear me.

Seems fair.

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US government: We can jail you indefinitely for not decrypting your data

Evil Auditor
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Re: "They wouldn't believe me, would they?"

d) whether they decided that you are guilty.

"We don't have any evidence of the crime because the defendant was so ingeniously sneaky. Which just proves that the defendant is guilty."

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Boffin rediscovers 1960s attempt to write fiction with computers

Evil Auditor
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Re: Does not compute!

You'll find that the IBM Model 650 is far too intelligent.

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Kraut coppers seize 5,000 Donald Trump-shaped dance biscuits

Evil Auditor
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Re: A little off-theme

Some arists need whichever substances to enhance their creativity and others don't. Just like them it is with arseholes: some need cocain to get complete and others are naturally and fully born arseholes.

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Evil Auditor
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Drop some ecstasy to talk lots of shit. Snort enough and a bit more of marching powder to kill of the empathy part. Add the greatest bad hair do. Finished is your Donald clone. Sad.

El Reg, when do we get a sad Donald icon?

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Uh oh, scientists know how those diamonds got in Uranus, and they're telling everyone!

Evil Auditor
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Coat

Re: The answer to the question.

Oengus, you should have told me earlier! Last night on the loo I sure as hell was creating diamonds. Next time I shall have a closer look at the turd. Or not.

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China can't find anyone smart enough to run its whizzbang $180m 1,640ft radio telescope

Evil Auditor
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Re: Is this a China thing?

I agree. Why are they looking for an inexistent "superhero" when a team could provide the necessary skill set much easier? Don't know much about Chinese mentality but is there something that the bosses must know all and better than their staff?

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Four techies flummoxed for hours by flickering 'E' on monitor

Evil Auditor
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@LDS

I would have been much more worried when I discovered the reason of the flashing E, and I would have looked for a place very well shielded from the radar dish

Well, there's the chance of getting a little extra tan. And by tan I mean slightly burnt skin. Nothing to worry about ;-)

Note to myself: don't wave fluorescent tubes with bare hands in front of radar to see if it's on.

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What can you do with adult VR, some bronze gears and a robotic thumb? On a Friday?

Evil Auditor
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Who needs all this hi-tech when a simple prosthetic wanker does all you need?

https://youtu.be/FZ6kR_XKlwE

El Reg, shouldn't there be an icon for (prosthetic) wanking? And don't come with think of the children and being a family friendly media outlet - even children do it, so what.

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Hotel guest goes broke after booking software gremlin makes her pay for strangers' rooms

Evil Auditor
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Re: "Sounds like a lawsuit"

It really depends how the hotel handles such a fuckup. If they are only half-way decent there's no need or desire for a lawsuit. If.

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Retirement age must move as life expectancy grows, says WEF

Evil Auditor
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Re: This is all very well, but........

Just a few thoughts... In the country where I currently work the employers' contribution to their employees' pension funds increase considerably the older the employees get. In quite a few countries it is very difficult to lay off people, making it unattractive to employ both young/inexperienced and older/presumably less productive people. These are two examples of what legislation could change.

Then there is the expectation that we earn more the older we get, irrespective of productivity, which also makes it less attractive to employ older people.

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Edinburgh Uni email snafu tells students they won't be graduating

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Full marks

...they blamed it on a "System Error"

We're all part of the system, aren't we?

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Boffins spot 'faceless fish' in strange alien environment

Evil Auditor
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Alien

Faceless alien

Does it have a protruding tongue sporting its own set of teeth?

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US laptops-on-planes ban may extend to flights from ALL nations

Evil Auditor
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... it's kinda crazy that they're not talking about banning hand luggage laptops on domestic flights

Perhaps because they aren't allowed to tinker with computers (e.g. installing spy- or other malware) on domestic flights?

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Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

Evil Auditor
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What is it with bellends and rings? Not going to have one near my todger, too many things that can go wrong.

Anonymous South African Coward, which is it that you won't have near your todger, the bellends or the rings? We need to know.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

I would think the idea of some one jabbing a needle into your penis would make the wood go down.

That is what you think. And I would, too. But given that there is all kind of kinky variety out there, I bet to some it has rather the opposite effect.

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Booze stats confirm boring Britain is drying

Evil Auditor
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Re: Non-drug distractions

...not...or...

Good to read some proper application of logic.

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BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

Evil Auditor
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Re: Luckily ...

Re adjourned to the annex

Indeed..... working myself through the cafes and bars of Brussels... Starting the morning in a cafe for breakfast, changing to a restaurant for lunch and proceeding work in a bar for the remainder of the work day.

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IT error at Great Western Railway charging £10k for 63-mile journey ticket

Evil Auditor
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Re return journey

Why would you want a return journey?

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Man nicked trying to 'save' beer from burning building

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Beer?

For all I know he might have been worried that there wasn't enough water to deal with the fire. So he got some more.

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Drunk user blow-dried laptop after dog lifted its leg over the keyboard

Evil Auditor
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You only guess?

A nice person doesn't peelet the dog pee in the laptop. A nice person doens't melt the laptop. And certainly, a nice person doesn't dump this stinking motherfucker of a messed up laptop at IT expecting it to be repaired.

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Evil Auditor
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Judgement impaired

the dog had peed all over his laptop keyboard

The dog. Yeah, right....

Been there, done - no I certainly didn't.

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Opportunity rover gets bored of spot it's explored since 2014

Evil Auditor
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Re: Football field

wobby, you've got a point there. And I guess, NASA also determines their budgets in terms of football fields...

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Evil Auditor
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Football field

First of all, I thought Americans knew even less about football than I do. So why would they compare anything to a football field?

But more importantly, this is NOT a suitable measure of length. NASA, henceforth refer to El Reg Standard Units.

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Profit with just one infection! Crook sells ransomware for $175

Evil Auditor
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Backups

Recently at a client. I ask how they organised backups. "We have a perfect solution! Our data is backed up immediately: it's mirrored to our second data centre location. So we even have it stored off-site."

Muhahahahah I think while sending them a certain attachment And I provide advice to those very receptive client's ears on the risks and how to do backups properly.

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Boss swore by 'For Dummies' book about an OS his org didn't run

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

He's only suggesting you may keep other wives entertained. Whether their husbands are out is totally up to you, the wives or their husbands. Everyone to his/her liking.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: But the real issue is

Symon, you make it sound like Jebus but himself up on a cross because he wanted to. Pretty much like the cattle that committed suicide so I can enjoy a yummy steak. But, who knows!

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Intelligent robots can walk the walk – but if they can't talk the talk, we can't get along

Evil Auditor
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Thumb Up

Re: Drop the Pill, Take the Thrill ...... You Aint Got No Choice in the Matter. Honestly.

Darn you, amanfromMars 1! Only towards the end of the second sentence ("emerging bodies/celestial beings/...") I started to realise what might have composed these words. You're getting trickier ;-)

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