* Posts by Evil Auditor

1821 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

Evil Auditor
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I know where I will be on 14 March. I'm not mad about emmentaler but this rocks!

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Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity

Evil Auditor
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Who should an autonomous vehicle kill in an avoidable crash?

Don't know what kind of poll that was. But clearly the answer would be: anyone it can hit!

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Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?

Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: Chasing ghosts

Simple: it is an error. An expected error.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: toner powder

She would go to the men room...

Had you ever been to a ladies' toilet, you would understand why she didn't take you there (assuming you are male).

Do. Not. Go. There. Ever.

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Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

Evil Auditor
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Re: Dear God,

@onefang, it was the toxic combination of two evil that turned the way to hell into a slippery slope downhill.

@Sgt_Oddball, I like your humour. Even though certainly not pure evil, rest assured she was definitely not heroically good either.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Dear God,

...or Purgatory (if that's still a thing)

Yes it is a thing, and very real for that matter. I used to live there. It is otherwise known as Belgium*.

* Of course, Belgium isn't that bad at all. In fact, it can be a rather nice and pleasant place. That it turned out to be my personal purgatory has mainly to do with the fact that it is the origin of ex-Ms Evil Auditor.

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Evil Auditor
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FFS. When you're suffering some flatulence, just fart like the rest of us! No need to turn to the media and public. It's nothing fucking special, your stinky "ghost".

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We asked 100 people to name a backdoored router. You said 'EE's 4GEE HH70'. Our survey says... Top answer!

Evil Auditor
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Stop

And if you must have something like this...

No. Just no.

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Should a robo-car run over a kid or a grandad? Healthy or ill person? Let's get millions of folks to decide for AI...

Evil Auditor
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Re: This is all blasphemy

DropBear, exactly! Then again, if it's between that and your girlfriend being hit by a car... And not a robo-car, that is.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: This is all blasphemy

What if an aeroplane engine falls off midflight and crushes you in bed - God's will, eh?

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Evil Auditor
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Simple rule set

Rule 1: do not injure anyone.

Rule 2: if injuring someone is inevitable, adhere to the Highway Code (or whichever rulebook rules).

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Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

Evil Auditor
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You Know

Whenever I read you know, heck!, even when I hear it, my brain makes me hear and see Christopher Walken saying you. know. And the world is back in perfect order for me.

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Forget the CSI effect: Put some real AI brains behind video surveillance

Evil Auditor
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Re: Or perhaps...

Wait, what?! Are you saying... we wouldn't actually all drop dead at once if we didn't have all this surveillance?

I'd like to stretch some game theory. Most of that surveillance might bring fuck all (I'm not at Google, obviously - just as an example of a different kind of monitoring) but the crucial issue is that many believe that maybe it might bring something and many do not want to forego this "opportunity", as dim as it may be.

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Hubble 'scope gyro drama: Hey, NASA, have you tried turning it off and on again? Oh, you did. And it worked? Cool

Evil Auditor
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Re: Hammers in Space?

Hammer. Or a healthy blast of pressurised air to get rid of all that star dust. Just imagine how it must look in Hubble's bowels...

Lester's ventblockers

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Raspberry Pi fans up in arms as Mathematica disappears from Raspbian downloads

Evil Auditor
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Re: Cake?

@HolySchmoley

I just had to follow the link. It's compulsive. Anyway, what struck me was the Greek equivalent of this idiom...

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Scanning an Exchange server for a virus that spreads via email? What could go wrong?

Evil Auditor
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@ASAC

Indeed. My earliest recollection of a remote desktop solution dates back to the mid 90s. And it wasn't exactly avant-garde back then either. It might have been with NT 4.0.

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Evil Auditor
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Sweet memories...

I remember well when ILOVEYOU broke out on our university campus. It was that morning when I found an e-mail in my inbox with this love confession from a girl in administration. As sweet as she was, I had some mixed feelings about this - can't remember her name since we cruelly only called her The Nose. For obvious reason. Needless to say, our love relationship wasn't meant to last. Not longer than a few seconds anyway.

I was safe with my Linux environment. And the next thing was to start up the Windows sandbox - no virtual machine at that time - and investigate what this charming virus actually did.

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Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Evil Auditor
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Re: Mickey The Cat

Micki (sic!) Mouse, Donald, most likely Scrooge too - not unheard of client names in private banking...

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Evil Auditor
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...instead, I am forced to hide my serious writing behind aliases

Wait, what?! Something for the Weekend, Sir? is not serious writing?

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Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

Evil Auditor
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Re: Just the Usual...

@GlenP

...kill a deskphone by squirting so much...

How do I get this picture out of my head! It must be Friday.

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Evil Auditor
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In the early 2000s a then acquaintance ran a consumer electronics repair shop. One day a lady brought her disfunctional mobile phone in - "it stopped working" she said. He took it apart and found some moist, difficult to define stuff in its innards. I can't recall if he managed to get it running again. But when the lady came to pick it up, he asked her to elaborate what happened before it stopped working. "Oh, it fell in the toilet".

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Uncle Sam gives itself the right to shoot down any drone, anywhere, any time, any how

Evil Auditor
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Re: Inevitable

Is your flying car a drone if autopilot engaged?

What is a drone? Did they specify it as a flying object? Or do, for example, meatbags on foot navigatingstumbling with a fondleslab in front of their face qualify as drone?

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The fur is not gonna fly: Uncle Sam charges seven Russians with Fancy Bear hack sprees

Evil Auditor
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Re: Correction here

I believe everything I read on Facebook :|

Then again, can you read? Or can you look at pictures only?

Either way, you totally convinced me that everything on Farcebook is real. And I may not even have an account there.

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How do some of the best AI algorithms perform on real robots? Not well, it turns out

Evil Auditor
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I didn't go into the details of the study. But considering how much of our mental performance is interlinked with (and limited by) our body with its actors and sensors, it seems unlikely to ever get anything robotic AI that is not, to at least a certain extent, "aware" of its body.

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Flying to Mars will be so rad, dude: Year-long trip may dump 60% lifetime dose of radiation on you

Evil Auditor
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Misread as: Flying to Mars will be so sad

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Volkswagen faces fresh Dieselgate lawsuit in Germany – report

Evil Auditor
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Re: So...

No. The investors complain that VW hasn't informed the market once it knew about the emissions problem but rather kept it secret until U.S. Environmental Protection Agency made it public in 2015.

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When's a backdoor not a backdoor? When the Oz government says it isn't

Evil Auditor
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Re: Awesome

You can't spin bullshit if your audience is 100x more knowledgeable than you.

This, unfortunately, is only true for the small minority of people who are aware of the technical or social implications. Such as you find among El Reg readers and commentards. The majority of voters though, at least in my perception, are deceived/convinced by the criminally moronic phrase "if you've got nothing to hide..." or simply don't care at all.

Where's the We Are Fscked icon?

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Phased out: IT architect plugs hole in clean-freak admin's wiring design

Evil Auditor
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Re: Plot twist? What plot twist?

strangely nothing went wrong

What should go wrong there? Even in my home installation I run the peripherals (screens and stuff) on one phase and workstations/servers distributed over all three phases. Strangely, I haven't been electrocuted yet ;-)

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Prank 'Give me a raise!' email nearly lands sysadmin with dismissal

Evil Auditor
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In a former life, working for a large financial institution, we found some unsecured SMTP servers on the intranet. Their purpose was to send notifications of some sort.

When discovering such an issue there are different possible ways to get it rectified. Being an auditor, an obivious way would be to raise it in a report. If found outside of a regular audit, a memo would work, too. Or even a phone call. But we, very cleverly, decided that best would be to send and e-mail from the CEO to the person responsible for maintaining those servers. Luckily, no typos. And only now I'm getting aware of the risk involved... it was not exactly the type of CEO to fsck with.

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Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

Evil Auditor
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Re: Timing is everything

Symon, excellent teamwork! That reminds me of a job interview I once had. The line manager gave me a "problem" to solve: you have two sandglasses, one with five and the other with three minutes - how do you measure four minutes? (It was a wee bit more complicated than this, something with three hourglasses.)

I thought for a few seconds and gave my answer.

The manager was not amused. He proudly mentioned that this is a test they use at Google and it is to see how an applicant communicates in problem solving.

Needless to say, I wasn't interested in getting this job and, presumably, neither was he very eager to hire me. Anyway, if someone wants to see my problem solving communication skills they better give me a problem that I cannot easily and infallibly solve on my own.

As a side note: my answer wasn't what was in his paper and grudgingly (I'd like to believe) he had to admit that it was also correct.

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Another German state plans switch back from Linux to Windows

Evil Auditor
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Re: The excuse is a reason to stay with Linux

With or without GDPR - I can't really follow the argument with teleworkers; I don't buy this. If it's about teleworkes, give them some remote desktop solution! Easier to maintain, easier to keep (more) secure.

This rather seems to be an excuse. For what I don't know. Even after 15 years I wouldn't underestimate the resistance to change or to adapt to Linux. Especially not after having been in between the fronts of a long-lasting Win vs. Mac war. And neither would I exclude some other motivation for the change...

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All that dust on Mars is coming from one weird giant alien structure

Evil Auditor
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Re: Elon Musk

CORRECTION: Elon built a vacuum cleaner* from salvaging a useless miniature submarine that no one neither wanted nor needed. And he called Matt Damon a pedo.

*For future reference, noun: the musk (plural: musks); verb: to musk (muskt, muskt); use: "have you muskt the Martian dust?"

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Here's why AI can't make a catchier tune than the worst pop song in the charts right now

Evil Auditor
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Re: I'm actually surprised that it works on raw samples at all

I agree, also to me it seems counterintuitive using wave forms instead of score, e.g. midi. Especially, as I believe that it would be easier to detect/learn the structures of a piece of music from musical notations rather than from wave forms. (Having played and failed with artificial neural networks doing midi many moons ago, I might be a bit biased though.)

On second thought, it is maybe not a bad idea. Musical notations are, after all, only a limited language to describe music. They are not music. Going back to the actual music, which is much closer represented by wave forms than notations, might be an interesting approach.

Haven't listened to the samples yet. I'm curious how they sound, being first samples. And comparing to how far "AI midi" got (or didn't go) in all the years it's been around...

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Hipster horror! Slack has gone TITSUP: Total inability to support user procrastination

Evil Auditor
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Creepy!

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Trainee techie ran away and hid after screwing up a job, literally

Evil Auditor
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Re: Key word is "Trainee"

Drinking tea is a part of the job?

Without tea I wouldn't get beyond checking the e-mails in the morning. And with checking I mean opening the e-mail client and see how many new mails I've got and not reading any. Let alone any other even more sophisticated tasks.

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Skynet for the win? AI hunts down secret testing of nuclear bombs

Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

@jake

Nobody's even given me a passing glance, so far as I know.

With USA immigration officers I've only had pleasant, funny experiences, every single time.

I assume, you, living around Napa County, are a citizen of the USA. I'm not but used to "profit" from the visa waiver programme. But now would have to apply for a visa and if you'd check what information they ask for, you might understand why I prefer to stay away. For example, IIRC, they ask information about former spouses which I don't even know.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

Proud, here at least. Born, bred and absolutely insane.

That's what I like about Cal! Unfortunately, since having visas of some "evil" countries in the east in my passport, it's out of question to go back there any time soon*.

* Yes, I could apply for a USA visa. And no, I certainly won't go through that.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Odd.

Exactly.

And even if this newfangled detector AI stuff is better at sniffing whatever is going on than the current monitoring of decay products, the detected test activities still need to be attributed to a location to be meaningful.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

...all but declared war on California...

Difficult to tell if you're playing the victim or if you're being proud of that ;-) Anyway, I wonder which features of decay lead to the orange-skin-yellow-hair syndrom.

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AI built to track you through walls because, er, Parkinsons?

Evil Auditor
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Re: Yeah but...

...condensation problems... Right.

And a good argument for condensation would be if you want to grow mould. But where's the tin foil hat icon?

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No lie-in this morning? Thank the Moon's gravitational pull

Evil Auditor
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Damn glad for this change. With an 18 hours day I wouldn't get any sleep at all.

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NASA spots asteroid on crash course with Earth – with just hours to go

Evil Auditor
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Re: Passing the Buck

Once the asteroids will hit them, why would they need trees, fossil fuel and all the other stuff that we consume/mess up?

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MCubed: Blind bird ticket offer set to expire

Evil Auditor
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One problem with blind birds is, they crash into things breaking their neck.

And another problem that I can't justify this to my boss.

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Artificial intelligence... or advanced imitation? How DeepMind used YouTube vids to train game-beating Atari bot

Evil Auditor
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Delusion

taught artificially intelligent programs to play classic Atari computer games by making them watch YouTube videos

That's all cool stuff but someone seriously believes they can get intelligent by watching YouTube videos? What did this world come to...

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Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

Evil Auditor
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Re: Major Overreach

Can't just have them all intoning "I'll be back".

"I hear covfefe", does that count? Ain't no AI but rather a NU* one-liner though. Kind of funny, nevertheless.

*Natural Unintelligence

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A Reg-reading techie, a high street bank, some iffy production code – and a financial crash

Evil Auditor
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Facepalm

Re: QA's Fault?

Programmer, QA, Audit...? It's not unheard of that the specifications that the techies get do not entirely reflect what the business needs or wants - unit tests might not pick that up. Someone on the business side, however, must have tested the bloody thing and signed off UAT results.

Although, having worked at the UK headquarter of one of the major banks at that time (later known as G-SIBs) I'm not surprised by Bob's experience - both the code and the manager's resonse.

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Trio indicted after police SWAT prank call leads to cops killing bloke

Evil Auditor
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Re: "The trigger happy moron who actually pulled the trigger"

Taking life-or-death decisions in split seconds is not easy*, not at all. It is something, however, I expect professional police forces to do with high accuracy. Just like I expect them to evaluate the reliability of their sources.

*In an earlier life I'd been trained to do exactly that. Luckily, I never had to apply - wasn't very good at it.

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As Tesla hits speed bump after speed bump, Elon Musk loses his mind in anti-media rant

Evil Auditor
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Did His Muskiness forget to take his dose of lithium, again?

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