* Posts by Evil Auditor

1877 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

Secret mic in Nest gear wasn't supposed to be a secret, says Google, we just forgot to tell anyone

Evil Auditor Silver badge

a wearable IR LED array

Is it going to look like the LED version of pinhead?

Dratted hipster UX designers stole my corporate app

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Laziness?

It takes half a second of trial and error to figure out what a hamburger menu does, people

Lucky you! You actually found the menu. Most of the trouble with millenial user interfaeces is, finding where you can do what you want and need to.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: un-improvable legacy interface designed a thousand years ago

I wish I didn't know what you are talking about. Unfortunately, this is not that case at all. Just to add to this misery, every time I placed a (hot) pan on the touch controls, the cooker would shut off and lock. Being locked means that you have to press two buttons touch controls simultaneously for about 5 seconds. Believe me, 5 seconds is an awefully long and painful time just seconds after lifting a hot pan off those controls.

For now I settled with an induction hob by Gaggenau. Not perfect but at least it's got one (yes: one) physical, multifunction knob to control it. Shift it a bit towards the cooking ring you want to control and then turn the knob. Simple. And not having any kids around also helps with not losing said knob, as it's only magnetically coupled.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

un-improvable legacy interface designed a thousand years ago

I've had my fair share of complaining about new-fangled crappy UIs. Being it, e.g., buttons that are no longer recognisable because it's an almost indistinguishable, flat, white rectangle. Or illogical layouts of entry masks that spread over three screens and a half. And so on. But for once I would like to draw the attention away from software and get down to hardware, down to the kitchen.

Down to modern touch controls on e.g. a cooker. Touchy and irresponsive crap, that is. What is wrong with oldfashioned knobs?! You just turn them and see (and feel!) immediatly in which position they are.

Roses are red, this is sublime: We fed OpenAI's latest chat bot a classic Reg headline

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Err, yes. But is it real smart,

Real smart of fake smart. Either way, it sounds just like our PHB (w/o the pointy). So for now I seem to know how they did his oral output. Still wondering though how his almost human-like appearance was made. Darn, it's really not easy to distinguish from a real, human being.

Pandas so useless they just look at delicious kid who fell into enclosure

Evil Auditor Silver badge

"let them die out"

Sounds like something Karl Pilkington would say. And probably he did.

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Goodbye Youtube?

Youtube? Do Blow Stuff Up!

I call this terrorist propaganda. And now you are screwed, right here on El Reg.

I am just a mapper: Solar drones take to the skies above Blighty

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Just because you're paranoid...

Dropbears won't work. They drop in Straya. You take 'em over to Blighty, right around the other side of the globe, they'll drift up and vanish into space. It's true.

LibreOffice 6.2 is here: Running up a Tab at the NotebookBar? You can turn it all off if you want

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Font problems - Comic Sans

I fully agree. Just the same as "...millions of flies can't be wrong".

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Font problems - Comic Sans

So it has a use.

It has two uses then! (One of which is a useless use)

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Font problems

Comic Sans - designed for one single purpose only: "How to..." instructions to hang in the office toilet. Both are just as useless.

Yay, we got a B for maths. Literally, a bee: Little nosy nectar nerds smart enough to add, abstract numbers

Evil Auditor Silver badge


since bees learn within 100 trials we now know there has to be efficient ways of solving the problem

Exactly. I'd call it BI. Simply embed some bees in your problem solving machinery.

Things that make you go .hm... Has a piece of the internet just sunk into the ocean? It appears so

Evil Auditor Silver badge

@Potemkine, Ian, Andre

Indeed, I miss those days, too. That probably means that we are old farts, born and raised in a different millenium. Or, nowadays they simply lost their minds and haven't got a feckin' clue about proper UIs.


Not cool, man: Dixons spanked over discount on luxury 'smart' fridge with wildly fluctuating price

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: You would have thought ...

It's a fridge. The price is chilling.

If it was a freezer though...

European Commission orders mass recall of creepy, leaky child-tracking smartwatch

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Tip of the Iceberg

I'm pretty sure the comment was supposed to be ironic.

Most certainly it is ironic. Anything else wouldn't make any sense at all.

Boffin suggests Trappist monk approach for Spectre-Meltdown-grade processor flaws, other security holes: Don't say anything public – zip it

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Yes indeed, he should. I'd suggest modern mythology is his subject.

Techie finds himself telling caller there is no safe depth of water for operating computers

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Ex designer of military kit


Having worked in dev and production of aviation electronics, I certainly understand the much higher costs of milspec stuff. My issue is with paying that much money -or any, for that matter- for a piece of abolutely useless kit.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Annoying pedantry

Or "boat", "marine", "watercraft"

Not something I was aware of, but good to know. Funnily, since many people (in sailing, at least) want as much boat for their quid as possible, they end up with rather poor quality (probably overpriced, too) and constantly tinkering, repairing and cursing their vessel.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Annoying pedantry

@Giovani Tapini

I totally agree with you. And while many "price tags" in military terms are indeed eye-watering, more often than not it is -more or less- justified. Where my understanding comes to a full stop though is, e.g., when we finance an improvement programme for ageing vehicles which costs considerably more than buying a whole new fleet of the same, modernised items. Or developing portable terminals for silly money with no use at all*.

* what the fuck did those terminals connect with? Sure, we could connect them, one-to-one, over an encrypted data link. Just like SMS - slow messaging service. They were nothing more than telex with a screen. And no one, really no one ever used them.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

...surely correct proceduce is then to delete all their data, place some incriminating files and then hang up.

Here, fixed that for you. If you want to go BOFH, do it right.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Annoying pedantry

There are places in the world where it might make sense.

Certainly. Elbonia comes to mind. Besides, I leave it to the reader to decide if the following made sense.

In one of my former lives, more than twenty years ago, we had "laptops" in the army. Those beasts weighed half a ton, were rugged, NEMP and waterproofed (don't remember if IP67 or 68). Nearly undestroyable and yes, we tried a tiny bit. So far for the impressive housing. Connections were mains (internal power supply) and serial port (RS-232 proprietary connector). Inside was a stupid terminal. So far, so useless. But it gets even better: costs per piece, I don't remember exactly, but it was well in the five figures (might have been around £25k in the mid 90s).

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Header pic

A small part of me tells me that I should feel bad for smiling and agreeing with what you wrote. But I can't.

Ca-caw-caw: Pigeon poops on tot's face as tempers fray at siege of Lincoln flats

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: I got an Air rifle

...aim to hit a kid in the face...

Not much wrong with trying to hit those obnoxious, filthy pests with an air rifle.

I don't like kids neither. But what's this got to do with the pigeons?

Texas lawyer suing Apple over FaceTime bug claims it was used to snoop on a meeting

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: @ Donn Bly I guess this is going to be tossed out

Is it grounds for disbarment? Possibly,[...]

There you go, "lost ability to earn a living". Self-fulfilling and stuff. On a more serious note, I'm not surprised - right now fighting, from the second line though, a lawyer in court who's obviously also represented by a lawyer. The latter one is maybe not very clever (or unable to control his client) but ok, while the former is risking disbarment. Will be a happy day once this happens.

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

Evil Auditor Silver badge


"I've got a problem with snow where I am at the moment."

At the gents of some fancy downtown club?

Are you a Windows 1 in 10 (1809)? Or a mighty 80 percenter (1803)?

Evil Auditor Silver badge


...deciding what to install. Must be the dumbed down computer that Dilbert recently developed.

I can hear the light! Boffins beam audio into ears with freakin' lasers

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Nooo

What a time for being paranoid!

A while ago I considered giving it up. But now, most certainly not!

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Oh great, laser headphones...

you sit in exactly the right chair and keep your head perfectly still

I thought exactly that was the gist of being ignorant audiophile. Besides The Cables, of course.

We did Nazi see this coming... Internet will welcome Earth's newest nation with, sigh, a brand new .SS TLD

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Ah, but ...

Dual 'B' Ark and stuff... I like the idea! And would strongly suggest to include in the right-poddian half also a whole lot of other loonies. They are aplenty! I've spent enough time on the continent to confirm.

Mind you, I am not going to join you on the Ark. But remain in calm and peace after all others left.

Users fail to squeak through basic computer skills test. Well, it was the '90s

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Not sure...

Water wouldn't harm a mouse. Causing a short could be a (temporary) problem. Or, the water moved some of the usual ball mouse inherent filth around where it blocked something. Ugh! Still, after all those years, I'm still traumatised by what I encountered when cleaning sticky mouse balls.

Straight outta Blighty: Readers, if you were a tech billionaire, what would you do?

Evil Auditor Silver badge

to get rich

Write a book about how to get rich.

My problem is, that for now I still struggle to stretch this simple sentence over 200 pages to actually fill a book. Will tell you when I found out - you'll be able to read it in my (not so) soon to be published book.

Everyday doings of a metropolitan techie: Stob's software diary

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Not from the Midlands...

One of my former lives I had spent in Swabia. Swabians being known as rather frugal, of the few local phrases I learnt there was this gem: "nix gschwätzt, isch gnuag globt."* Which translates roughly as silence is praise enough.

I quite liked it there...

*Yep, had to look it up again to get it right.

'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Goat head gone soup

Is the roadkill collecting guy still around?

DNAaaahahaha: Twins' 23andMe, Ancestry, etc genetic tests vary wildly, surprising no one

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Fascinating

...my sister's good sense!

This, dear PST, is one explanation. Not implying anything about your parents, but there are other, creepier, possibilites too.

Oracle boss's Brexit Britain trip shutdown due to US government shutdown

Evil Auditor Silver badge


Don't know about the USA but in my (European) home country I can get an emergeny passport at major airports (and possibly other places) within probably less than an hour. Such a passport won't be valid for the usual ten years but only for a month or so. Nothing to do with being Mr Superimportant.

Facebooker swatted, Kaspersky snares an NSA thief, NASA server exposed, and more

Evil Auditor Silver badge


Can someone please explain how one misconfigured (Jira) server could expose employee and project details to people wanting to infiltrate NASA? Obviously, my understanding of network security is extremely limited and that's why I can't follow that reasoning. Until now I thought that such a (internal?) server would be behind layers of protection which an outsider cannot simply penetrate to access said server. And as such, a misconfiguration would maybe expose sensitive data within the organisation, i.e. to people who already successfully (and rightfully) "infiltrated" NASA.

Maybe I'm wrong and shortsighted. But somehow this reminds me of an ex-colleague at an ex-employer - when he found a misconfigured parameter on one system he liked to create an issue "the company is at risk!" without considerations for the whole control system in place.

EDIT: Okay, so the Jira system is accessible from the outside world and the server seems to allow anonymous access; otherwise I wouldn't get to the login page. Makes me think...

Q. How exactly do you test car seats? A. With this sweaty 'robutt' that twerks for days and days

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: This is why seats fail

Get a smaller car. Or find a larger parking space.

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: irresponsible

looks a lot like the guy from "the it crowd"

Obviously, it is the guy from The IT Crowd! It's the only reasonable explanation.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Evidence for working for organised crime - sounds like they had something on him, at least enough to convince him to co-operate.

You were told to clean up our systems, not delete 8,000 crucial files

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Backups

Stuff you want to use again is kept in the recycle bin, that's why it's called "recycle"

You just made me draw rather inappropriate attention in an otherwise serious, calm airport lounge.

Dutch boyband hopes to reverse Brexit through the power of music

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Indeed not the greatest leadership. Just wonder, purely hypothetical, if anyone else could have done better dealing with these barmy lots of brexiteers of different degrees and others.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

I know, dbtx. It is the best spelling in history and very smart. It is amazing and the spelling of winning. It is tremendous spelling.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Michael Habel, I should downvote your post simply for using a hashtag here. Still pondering, however, what compitant could mean. My best guess is that it's the U.S. American spelling.

Now, regarding UK's PM. I do not like her. I had despised her long before she became PM. And something inside of me breaks when I feel compelled to defend her (that would justify another downvote).

She may not be the best PM that this country has seen. But she assumed government responsibility in a hopeless time where there's hardly anything to win (for her), facing almost certain failure. If you want to point fingers at incompetence, do so at the quarrelling Tories and at the opposition with their leading prick. As of now, those bastards are absolutely unwilling or unable to act in the interest of the country.

2018 ain't done yet... Amazon sent Alexa recordings of man and girlfriend to stranger

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: More questions than answers...

Just imagine you command your Alexa to order a new car. And all you get is a freakin' gnome.

Boffins don't give a sh!t, slap Trump's face on a turd in science journal

Evil Auditor Silver badge

...once the matter is resolved...

That is, once his matenure in office is over?

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Pin sentries are not specific to any bank so I found out when I used a Barclays one with Nat-west and vice versa, certainly a security error on the banks part.

Tony, how did gain access to internet?!

Here's 2018 in a nutshell for you... Russian super robot turns out to be man in robot suit

Evil Auditor Silver badge

You call it fake. I call it the rise of the biomechanoids.

True, I'd also rather imagine something like HR Giger designed. But it has to start somewhere, doesn't it?

Evil Auditor Silver badge

...and this is why nerds, auditors and stuff are not invited to parties.

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Graphics

Whereas Wolf3D would give me splitting headaches, 10 minutes play at most.

We all had this. Key was, once you get beyond 13 minutes your head forgot about the ache and it was just pure fun!

Bloodhound SSC reaches the end of the road for want of £25m

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Actually, that is a good idea....

All too often, as a generation we aimed at the foothills rather than the stars.

I fully agree. Then again, Bloodhound SSC iswas doing exactly that, too - literally. Even a small bump might inflict serious harm, let alone foothills.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019