* Posts by Evil Auditor

1786 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

Hipster horror! Slack has gone TITSUP: Total inability to support user procrastination

Evil Auditor
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Creepy!

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Trainee techie ran away and hid after screwing up a job, literally

Evil Auditor
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Re: Key word is "Trainee"

Drinking tea is a part of the job?

Without tea I wouldn't get beyond checking the e-mails in the morning. And with checking I mean opening the e-mail client and see how many new mails I've got and not reading any. Let alone any other even more sophisticated tasks.

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Skynet for the win? AI hunts down secret testing of nuclear bombs

Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

@jake

Nobody's even given me a passing glance, so far as I know.

With USA immigration officers I've only had pleasant, funny experiences, every single time.

I assume, you, living around Napa County, are a citizen of the USA. I'm not but used to "profit" from the visa waiver programme. But now would have to apply for a visa and if you'd check what information they ask for, you might understand why I prefer to stay away. For example, IIRC, they ask information about former spouses which I don't even know.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

Proud, here at least. Born, bred and absolutely insane.

That's what I like about Cal! Unfortunately, since having visas of some "evil" countries in the east in my passport, it's out of question to go back there any time soon*.

* Yes, I could apply for a USA visa. And no, I certainly won't go through that.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Odd.

Exactly.

And even if this newfangled detector AI stuff is better at sniffing whatever is going on than the current monitoring of decay products, the detected test activities still need to be attributed to a location to be meaningful.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Need a test signal...

...all but declared war on California...

Difficult to tell if you're playing the victim or if you're being proud of that ;-) Anyway, I wonder which features of decay lead to the orange-skin-yellow-hair syndrom.

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AI built to track you through walls because, er, Parkinsons?

Evil Auditor
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Re: Yeah but...

...condensation problems... Right.

And a good argument for condensation would be if you want to grow mould. But where's the tin foil hat icon?

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No lie-in this morning? Thank the Moon's gravitational pull

Evil Auditor
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Damn glad for this change. With an 18 hours day I wouldn't get any sleep at all.

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NASA spots asteroid on crash course with Earth – with just hours to go

Evil Auditor
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Re: Passing the Buck

Once the asteroids will hit them, why would they need trees, fossil fuel and all the other stuff that we consume/mess up?

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MCubed: Blind bird ticket offer set to expire

Evil Auditor
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One problem with blind birds is, they crash into things breaking their neck.

And another problem that I can't justify this to my boss.

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Artificial intelligence... or advanced imitation? How DeepMind used YouTube vids to train game-beating Atari bot

Evil Auditor
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Delusion

taught artificially intelligent programs to play classic Atari computer games by making them watch YouTube videos

That's all cool stuff but someone seriously believes they can get intelligent by watching YouTube videos? What did this world come to...

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Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

Evil Auditor
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Re: Major Overreach

Can't just have them all intoning "I'll be back".

"I hear covfefe", does that count? Ain't no AI but rather a NU* one-liner though. Kind of funny, nevertheless.

*Natural Unintelligence

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A Reg-reading techie, a high street bank, some iffy production code – and a financial crash

Evil Auditor
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Facepalm

Re: QA's Fault?

Programmer, QA, Audit...? It's not unheard of that the specifications that the techies get do not entirely reflect what the business needs or wants - unit tests might not pick that up. Someone on the business side, however, must have tested the bloody thing and signed off UAT results.

Although, having worked at the UK headquarter of one of the major banks at that time (later known as G-SIBs) I'm not surprised by Bob's experience - both the code and the manager's resonse.

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Trio indicted after police SWAT prank call leads to cops killing bloke

Evil Auditor
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Re: "The trigger happy moron who actually pulled the trigger"

Taking life-or-death decisions in split seconds is not easy*, not at all. It is something, however, I expect professional police forces to do with high accuracy. Just like I expect them to evaluate the reliability of their sources.

*In an earlier life I'd been trained to do exactly that. Luckily, I never had to apply - wasn't very good at it.

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As Tesla hits speed bump after speed bump, Elon Musk loses his mind in anti-media rant

Evil Auditor
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Did His Muskiness forget to take his dose of lithium, again?

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Evil Auditor
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42

Sorry, that's a different cult.

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Evil Auditor
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The function will also help users answer the big questions

I expect the answer to be 42.

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Braking news: Tesla preps firmware fling to 'fix' Model 3's inability to stop in time

Evil Auditor
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Is there also a firmware update which prevents its battery from catching fire? After a crash, that is. Anyhow, the guy who crashed and burnt last week in his Tesla is not going to complain but his family probably will.

On an even more serious note: for petrol tanks there is rather strict regulation of what they have to endure without leaking. How is that for battery packs? A mobile phone battery fire is unpleasant, to say the least. But sitting on a whole bunch of such beasts, I'd rather they don't start burning.

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Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Evil Auditor
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Childcatcher

Re: We need some ...

And Dabbs, even five months old don't flush away easily on a standard UK toilet. Anything older than that only when chopped up. Needs specific instructions?

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Evil Auditor
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Re: We need some ...

Just like Dabbs I thought that we, we all, learnt how to use toilet facilities already as small children. Now working in an office without any instructions in the toilet it amazes me that quite a few people don't know. "Flush the toilet", "clean your crap tracks", "do not pee on floor", "put paper towels in the bin and do not throw them on the floor" - just to name a few obviously needed instructions.

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Boffins build a 2D 'quantum walk' that's not a computer, but could still blow them away

Evil Auditor
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Alien

as soon as someone "reveals" what one of them is, the other one is automatically determined

Are you saying that we may be what we are just because some wrinkly E.T. in a remote galaxy looked at some entangled photons?

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Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park

Evil Auditor
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Re: Don't wear high vis

How many times did you face a fire alarm? Does it often happen around you? Does it, Vulture forbid, even have to do with you?

An inquiring mind wants to know...

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Evil Auditor
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Flame

The false alarm didn't mess me around. Rather, I messed my colleagues around.

My office was facing south and had no aircon. During a hot summer period, one evening being the last one in the office calling it a day, I left the window wide open. The idea was, of course, that the during the night the office would cool down a bit.

Arriving next morning I stumbled into a bit of a turmoi - fire brigades just leaving, colleagues standing around chatting. It turned out that early morning, before anyone was in the office, there were some roadworks going on with pouring tarmac right underneath my office window. And the fumes from the tarmac entering my office triggered the fire alarm. Oh well, the company had to pay the equivalent of around 5'000 quid for a false alarm.

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My PC is on fire! Can you back it up really, really fast?

Evil Auditor
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Holmes

The coffee, obviously, was to extinguish the fire.

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Evil Auditor
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Karma?

Having had worked in help desk myself I have great sympathy for helldesk staff. It comes to a limit though when a guy half across the globe remote controls my computer for five hours straight without solving the problem. Only after these five hours and resetting all my custom settings in MS Office/Outlook he could be convinced to relay to someone who could solve it.

Maybe it was karma biting back... Then again, a colleague of mine got it worse: one day and a half -a total of twelve hours- of not being able to work because one of those helldesk drones tried to solve an issue.

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Good news: AI could solve the pension crisis – by triggering a nuclear apocalypse by 2040

Evil Auditor
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Re: Nice try

Tetley's? So what, I'm more of a Twinings guy.

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Machines learned to assemble IKEA’s semi-disposable furniture

Evil Auditor
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Two robots

Did they also argue with each other about how to assemble the furniture?

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Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap

Evil Auditor
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there is no way Audi and BMW drivers are highly evolved

That is what we - the ones neither driving Audis nor BMWs - would like to believe to bolster our sense of superiority. Be reminded though, that intelligence is not necessarily an evolutionary advantage. And neither is moronism necessarily a disadvantage for successful procreation. Very unfortunately.

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The first rule of maths class: Don't start a fight club

Evil Auditor
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Childcatcher

Kids these days....

9th Rule: don't fucking record fight club!

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German sauna drags punters to court over naked truth

Evil Auditor
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Re: What happens in Sinsheim ..

...and at best some Wieners?

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Corking story: Idiotic smart wine bottle idea falls over, passes out

Evil Auditor
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Why?!

Disclaimer: I had ideas like this. I smiled. I moved on. And I didn't make nor lose a fortune.

Here though, all that comes to my mind is a fool and his money...

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User asked why CTRL-ALT-DEL restarted PC instead of opening apps

Evil Auditor
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Re: Feeling Old...

The mighty, mighty Gravis Ultrasound! Lots of fiddling. But its wavetable sound was worth everything. And hours, no days!, of tinkering with tracker software and .mod files...

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MIT boffins build rubber robot, invade privacy of unsuspecting sealife

Evil Auditor
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I want RoboShark. I want laser on RoboShark.

(sorry) This SoFi's pretty cool though

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1 in 5 Michigan state staffers fail phishing test but that's OK apparently

Evil Auditor
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Re: A colleague (no it wasn't me!)

Beware internal messages. After all, during an audit we had found unprotected e-mail servers. And the next thing I know is that someone (no, it wasn't me, honestly... anyway it's a long time since and I can't remember any of this) sent e-mails apparently from the CEO to some people making them aware of their wide-open SMTP servers hanging out in the network.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Security Testing

yoganmahew, I fully agree.

first-born has been kidnapped by HR

I used to work in a place where this probably could have happened. This being in the mid naughties, among other things they also tried to dump sub-prime securities products on to employees after the clients started to be suspicious and refused buying that crap. So, the company was sitting on a steaming pile of dung and wanted to sell it to its staff. Abducting close ones, blackmailing into submission - wouldn't have suprised me.

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Developer mistakenly deleted data - so thoroughly nobody could pin it on him!

Evil Auditor
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The proper backup suction that I came across some decade ago. Setting up a backup procedure just about as manually as Ben did. For checking if the procedure worked as expected they didn't want to wait until the tape was fully written. Instead to the tape they directed the data stream to /dev/null - the backup ran flawlessly, answered with a success message and was ready to be deployed.

Problem was, no one changed the device to write to the tape. Until their auditor asked if they ever did backup restore tests.

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Surprise: Norks not actually behind Olympic Destroyer malware outbreak – Kaspersky

Evil Auditor
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Re: Which country was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

Re Nerve Agent

Well, AC, call me too dumb. Then again, I don't have an MSc in chemistry either. So far, all I know -from the media- is that it was neither VX nor sarin. That leaves a few substances left which I remember from CW training, both persistent and non-persistent ones. But I've got no bloody clue if any of those had links to something north-easterly. From the little I've heard I'd guess something from the V series. But please, dear AC, enlighten us, the dumb.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: I don't think computers work the way you think they do.

Unless you only accuse those you are bias against?

I thought that's the first and general rule of this game, isn't it?

Anyway, for all I know it could have been Elbonians made it look like Russians made it look like Norks made the malware.

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More money than sense? Saudi Arabia invests $400m in Magic Leap

Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: Taking investments now!

trevorde, you lost the tender.

revolutionise everything is probably not exactly what Saudis like to hear. You'd rather promise huge profits or ruling Shias to get their money.

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Sysadmin left finger on power button for an hour to avert SAP outage

Evil Auditor
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Re: Typed 'Reboot' where ... ?

@I am the liquor

I fully agree with you.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Typed 'Reboot' where ... ?

He lost his job for a single mistake in two years, I am still a bit angry about that

Angry that he made this single mistake or angry that he lost his job?

Depending on the type of business 45 minutes downtime may or may not be reason for dismissal. Apparently, more than 5 hours of downtime for approx. 90% of the staff of about 20k (a bank) was no reason for dismissal. Than again, it wasn't due to an operating error but a management decision to implement a half-baked release.

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US Navy gives Lockheed Martin $150m big frickin' laser cannon contract

Evil Auditor
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Devil

No information was given about sharks accompanying the Lockheed Martin weapons

Should have written this at the very beginning of the article. I'm only interested if it involves frickin' sharks.

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Another day, another meeting, another £191bn down the pan

Evil Auditor
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Re: The simple rule of corporate meetings...

@Not Spartacus

Am I allowed to sleep instead?

I had tried this many times during the monthly, dreadful "team meetings". For two years I'd been waiting for a complain about my regular snoozing activity. I had elaborated an eloquent answer about meeting efficiency, target audience, information relevancy. But no, nothing. Not one comment. Finally I gave up and started to draw and design houses. And soon left the company.

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Evil Auditor
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MAT* no. 1

Meeting. My fetish. They turn me on, they arouse me sexually. Viciously. Just by the mere thought of "meeting" I can hardly contain myself. Which gets only worse in an actual meeting. Compusively I have to hump whatever comes my way: desk, chair, floor, PP handouts etc.

Make sure the word spreads.

*Meeting Avoidance Tactic

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Us? Reverse engineer HoloLens? No way, not us, nuh-uh – Magic Leap

Evil Auditor
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generally regarded by his supervisors and co-workers as unsatisfactory

I have no doubt this is actually true. And probably just goes to show that he, Mr Keil, is actually a highly competent professional. It's just another symptom of Peter's principle and arsehole's ruling.

I've been on the receiving end of this myself. And left for good. Not to boast about having been a highly competent person in that situation but rather in the country of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

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Cryptocurrencies kill people and may kill again, says Bill Gates

Evil Auditor
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Killer rabbits of Caerbannog do. Anyhow, I thought that shooter games kill people.

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Inviting nearby exoplanet revealed as radiation-baked hell

Evil Auditor
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I wonder what the former hypothetical habitants might have thought. "Ok, that flare was bad and fried our advanced tech. But the probability of this happening again in our lifetime and for generations to come is very low - it's maximum one in a million."

At least, I guess, they won't have died in a "beast from the east" cold wave.

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Intellisense was off and developer learned you can't code in Canadian

Evil Auditor
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Re: Browser differences

[coding discipline] AND [web interface] = 0

But probably that's just my limited and aged perception as I left the trade a little while ago.

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Hubble Space Telescope one of 16 suffering data-scrambling sensor error

Evil Auditor
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Joke

Generation Y

"Butt, butt, does it affect my selfies?!"

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Who wanted a future in which AI can copy your voice and say things you never uttered? Who?!

Evil Auditor
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: explain to me again how I broke my wrist in 1968...

An exceptionally aggressive wank was good.

But you, you owe me a clean and dry keyboard!

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