* Posts by Jemma

864 posts • joined 31 Dec 2008


'It's like painting with atoms'... Watch how boffins form armies of simple micron-sized bots from a silicon wafer

Jemma Silver badge

Re: No, but...

This isn't so much "tweaking the dragons tail" as it is dousing yourself in pigs blood, walking into the middle of a bunch of adult male v.komodoensis and shouting "dinner time Fido". There are so many ways this could go wrong there isn't enough room for it to go right.

It's like a really disturbing episode of the Mr Meaty "cartoon" which is disturbing on general principle.

People need to get sick and die - that's what's supposed to happen - the human race needs to change and evolve - and we've decoupled both concepts and are just *starting* to reap the whirlwind. But all the PTSD sufferers (Post Teenage Snowflake Disorder) are horrified that great granny might conceivably kick it at 92 - when back in the old days anyone over 25 was considered well overdue burial inside the nearest smilodon. It's getting more and more deranged.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Power isn't a problem...

Yeah, I can't see the problems for the "opportunities" either. I'm thinking in comparison that the Amazon rainforest = cabbage patch.

Can't say I'm loving the "pee them out" idea either - all together now - urethral sandpaper for the win(ce).

I honestly don't understand why people are researching this - if the human race is going to survive we need less people at a less geriatric age - not whole comitatii of crusties wombling (and wobbling) around the place in Fiat 500s and decrepit Hondas & Hyundai.

You just know this will end up being used on the rich crusties so they can get richer & crustier - and that the people who can actually benefit society (for a given value of benefit to be sure in many cases) will be left out and stuck with clumsier more dangerous procedures.

I do see one benefit - these could be set to detect anti-vaxxers and automatically cull them (see the story on Ars about the boy who was in ICU for 47 days with tetanus because he wasn't immunised by anti-vaxxer parents - $811,000 in fees - and after all that they still refused permission to have him immunised). Ditto Measles outbreaks etc.

Jemma Silver badge

Nought to

Emergent behaviour in 18 months..

/mines the one with the Crichton M.Cs patch


Theranos II: the Search for (more) Funding


Catatonic Park

Let's all just hope their assemblers used to work for Austin-Rover.. Am I right?

And you just *know* they'll be running Windows CE for Nanotechnology - what could possibly go wrong?

Sam Carter, come on down!

Translation table.

Proof of concept. : disaster waiting to happen

FDA approved. : We photoshopped someone else's certification

Completely harmless. : they'll kill or maim *how* many?

Of course they can't reproduce. : ...arrgh; gurgle.

And I'm taking bets on how long it'll be before some bored tech starts using these to make miniscule ascii art..

Civil servants 'Sir Humphrey' their way through grilling on UK.gov's digital transformation

Jemma Silver badge

To paraphrase..

Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read Twilight?

Bernard: Twilight readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big fangs.

That would explain a hell of a lot.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Is it just me ..

Nah, it isn't just you. And did you really need to ask?

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Errare humanum est

Only one "bollocks"

So that'll be HitlerOS then?

What has an 'open-door policy' with industry and puts the X into NHS? Brits, let app-happy Matt Hancock tell you

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Why do I feel an attack of cynicism?

I am. After my experiences working on NHS contracts, it'd be "never again; If an NHS IT manager was in fire I'd put them out with a gallon of 130 RON especially saved for the occasion". On one notable occasion we were being paid £100 a day for grunt work for 3 MONTHS - and could do precisely nothing because no one had thought to get the lock down passwords for the computers before the sysop had buggered off somewhere else. Did they have a contact number for him? No. Did they have a secure password record? No. So the 5 of us were told to sit in the cafe for the duration of the contract and do nothing. £2500 a week for 12 weeks between all of us to do nothing was better than the IT director having to admit he screwed the pooch. And £2500 in NHS speak? That's the price of a minor plastic surgery procedure.

Ironic part? I've been unable to work for years due to NHS misdiagnosis and mistreatment, at the moment I can barely move & have a tentative diagnosis of FND. So to paraphrase Angua "they got me coming & going".

Amazon triples profit to $11.2bn, pays ZERO DOLLARS in corp tax – instead we pay it $129m

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Make it attractive to pay tax

We have VAT, we pay VAT, Amazon gets out of paying VAT - oh look back to square bloody one.

You were saying?

Jemma Silver badge

Quite simple really

Abolish money.

People seem to think that if we stop using money we won't be able to buy food or anything else because without money no one will do anything - we'll all suddenly stop doing anything at all like someone switched off the mains electricity.

They all for some reason have a psychological disconnect where we'll abolish currency yet still need to buy *something* with currency - or that people who research cancer, for example, will suddenly stop because no money (even though in that situation money is not required nor relevant because it no longer exists or has value).

People have it the wrong way around. They think money is the reason for existence - we produce, innovate, eat, live, die - do everything we do because money.

We will still do all those things without money in the equation and we'll do it better because God alone knows the amount of stress and harm and distraction that is caused by worry over money.

Amazon without money won't just disappear, neither will any other company or project - the need is still there its just the result will be less poisonous. As it stands we have the patent system (which is a joke anyway) - for which you need money to protect your ability to make money from your idea, or concept or whatever. It's used as often to bury ideas as it is to protect them.

I could go on.

Of course the retard ratio way is simple. Every company trading in a country pays 20% of profits every year or it ceases to trade. There is one law - 20% for every company. I know personally of one relatively small company that has told Amazon to fuck itself over a £300k per year contract and gone somewhere else - on the UK tax issue alone. 10000 companies do that and £3b just went south for the winter

Pandas so useless they just look at delicious kid who fell into enclosure

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Get Informed

Don't forget the carrion they like which has actually been on an Attenborough doccie-wokkie.

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

Jemma Silver badge

Re: A-Z ?

Another case of "looking like a Brazilian electrician with intent"? That one never gets old.*

*neither do Brazilian electricians.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: IQ <85

No, it doesn't. If I cull every human with an IQ rating below 85 at any given time I reduce the population by 16-18%. The rating of every one else based on those tests does not change. Mine is somewhere around 140, my ex around 160-165.

The problem with democracy is simple. Most people who are upper 5% know full well that democracy is idiotic so a high percentage don't vote and the non voting percentage rises with IQ. Which means that in the percentage who do vote *and* have dribbling retard syndrome their vote is actually magnified in effect because for each dribbling sped who votes because the government told them to and inherently makes the wrong choice - 2 or 3 of the intelligent didn't bother because they already realised they were on a losing wicket and had better things to do (like using Vegans for archery targets, a random example you understand). Or as pTerry might put it - Vimes had the vote (intelligent) but you can't stop Nobby Nobbs having the vote (dumb as a stump).

Add in the people in the middle and the percentage of them who are bigoted single mother hating cretins or are related to and influenced by same and whatever happens it's a case of fucktards choice.

I mean the deputy chairman of the Conservative Party is a bloke called Jimmy Cleverly MP - talk about pissing on us without even calling it rain.

There is one way and one way only democracy is viable - only give people with a 120+ IQ a vote - but try and do that and all hell would break loose. All the retards and semi-retards would go postal against the much smaller intelligent forces (though hopefully sped command would put their stupidest on artillery - I can just imagine that conversation...

"technically yes it *was* a walking barrage, you're right. However. It's *supposed* to start at our position and move towards them, not start at their position and move towards *us*..."

"Oh... Yeah... Sorry".).

Jemma Silver badge

Re: It's a mad, mad, mad world

I hope that doesn't include eco-terrorism because technically every country on the planet is guilty.

If it doesn't you can still cover most of them except possibly Micronesia. Some because they're terrorist tastic (Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, etc, etc. Some because they've previously been (Ireland for example - although give "hi, I'm Teresa, I'm the Prime Minister" May a fortnight and the IRA will be dusting off their C4 and clearing out Amazon's stock of PP9s). Some because they've created, instigated or funded terrorism (practically everywhere bar possibly that funny group of islands of Costa Rica with those funny lizards, and Micronesia).

So basically you are under house arrest because if I remember rightly the Netherlands were once considered to be roughly equal to terrorists by the Spanish empire..

Why do I have the feeling that this won't end well.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: "Likely to be useful"

Most of them around here have problems with the word highway - they certainly haven't mastered lane control, one way systems or spacial awareness. I've seen people in hyundai i10 who appear to think they're driving a Claas with a 15ft fixed header - in the middle of the road at 23mph in a 60mph limit when there's no road markings - the minute you hit a well marked 30mph zone - 55mph and they think they're Roman Grosjean.

Highlight was a geriatric in a Fiat 500 Abarth - who in the space of half a roundabout almost caused no less than 4 multiple vehicle pile ups - stupid git almost hit me twice in 25 yards. The guy looked like Yoda's older brother - either that or Cohen the Barbarian with slightly more technically advanced teeth. Bethan could have driven that thing better than the old coot just from reading the owners manual!

They should stop whining about terrorism and put a minimum speed on the UK roads. 45mph on a 60mph road. 30/30. 65/70mph. And motorways to 90mph. That alone would save massive amounts of time, fuel and frustration.

Jemma Silver badge


"This was a party political broadcast by the Conservative Party"

Oh Shit!! I'm a terrorist.

Oh dear I'm watching a political broadcast from the USA

Oh double shit, with knobs on.

Both the UK (a full list, we'd be here until hell freezes over) and the US (IRA is a notable one, via the Iran Contra debacle amongst other sources) have funded, supported and set up terrorist groups in various countries, this is a historical fact. Ditto France, Germany, Israel and technically the British Police ffs (the black & tans if I remember was technically a police unit)

Seriously have we elected a group of people that are exclusively members of the "retard ratio"?

Oh look - I happen to have seen a still of those two dozy girls who got themselves beheaded in Morocco - because YouTube. Strangely enough I'm not a terrorist.

The British government is responsible for the existence of Saudi Arabia and therefore of the Islamic groups funded thereby - funny how you won't see any MPs hung drawn and quartered. And now I have an image of Anne Widdecombe in her birthday suit...

I'd happily cull every single godbotherer on the planet without let or hindrance and with a completely clear conscience. I'm still not a terrorist. I'm just reducing the population (needed), removing the retard ratio (IQ <85 instant headshot, also required) and culling the anti vaxxing and associated retard brigades (again required & tremendous *fun* into the bargain).

I'm done, I've finally had enough. I could put up with PETA dog-fuckers & orange milkophiles (in no way am I kidding) . I could even bite my tongue (think doggy chew toy) at the brexitards and the electric car dickwits. VW gassing inbredistanis - you have my complete and unwavering support, VW gassing monkeys? Meh. This however is nothing less than state sanctioned mind control, propaganda and it's doubly ironic...


Including Bin-fucking-Laden (yes, that one) for christs sake!!

And I'M the fucking terrorist for accidentally seeing a video linked to YouTube?

Do the world a favour the combined houses of parliament and every single fucktard in a related job (ie the civil service). Go home, find the nearest shotgun, load it, lie back and think of England and blow your fucking brains out. It'll be the first useful thing you've done since I was born 43 years ago.

I wouldn't suggest watching the next Ariana Grande concert on TV either - I have a very strong suspicion that will make the Battle of the Somme look like an episode of Kojak. I mean ffs - a re-run? Every cellar dwelling religiously deranged teen is going to be bouncing around like a spuggie on amphetamines - there'll be so high a level of TATP fumes emanating from Bradford and Luton even the foxes will be stoned and it'll look from space like a baby supervolcano (even more so if someone lights a match or tries to vape...). Oh, and dear piglets, I know a way of getting into that concert with 15lbs of completely undetectable high explosive and ball bearings, in a self guided autonomous delivery system. If I know that - then any sufficiently bright terrorist will be able to work it out.

Please whomever came up with this do a Torchwood:CoE - check out a gun, go home, and kindly wipe out your family and yourself. Quite honestly you don't deserve to live.

Go big (with our bandwidth) or go home, Verizon: Texas mulls outlawing 911 throttling after Cali wildfire fiasco

Jemma Silver badge


Prioritising people's safety over personal profit?

Hark, I believe I hear the distinctive sound of a turbo-compound Duplex-Cyclone* projectile vomiting into life - and mercy me ah do believe it's bolted onto that flying pig.

As someone else has said this actually degrades emergency use because it precludes completely the emergency services getting full control - by law - as I understand it now in both inbredistan and the UK in dire emergency the ES can prioritise their traffic. But it possibly worse than that, because someone with a suitable level in bastardry might be able in this situation to stop any backhaul upgrades except those requirements regarding more customers, on the simple basis - "the law says all we have to do is serve our customers - we don't have to have gear for priority switching - we don't need any really high spec stuff cos normal customers..." and if I've read things right the view of Verizon as regards investment is "I seem to remember someone mentioned the term once when we were both interns, they found him naked and very dead in a canyon about 2 weeks later, and no one bought it up after that - I always wondered about that scrap of paper with Simon written in blood on it... have you seen the new iPhone?"

*Apt since its prehistoric, a technical/evolutionary dead end, and makes the most ridiculous noises on a cold start. Like most Texans really.

RIP Dr Peuto, Zilog and Sun's bright SPARC

Jemma Silver badge


"Six thousand hulls!!"

Sorry, couldn't resist

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

Jemma Silver badge

So many images..

Not enough sphincters.

But I can beat the lycra testicled comms engineer - try the lycra cycling short clad gender change surgeon who haunts the halls of the Portman in London - the poor patients get a face full of nadgers every time he pops over for a "nice chat, old boy"* - which isn't going to improve their moods either way if you think about it.. Eventually there's going to be a high pitched scream as some NHSSD deranged FTM tries an impromptu self service job using Herr Doctor for spares...

*you can imagine how well *that* comment goes down in certain quarters...

Lovely website you got there. Would be a shame if we, er, someone were to sink it: Google warns EU link tax will magnify media monetary misery

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Ah, capitalism at its best

Yes there are other search engines but have you noticed that oddly enough when you select to use them not long after you find you are back using Google again automagically - or that your browser only has Google & Bullshitipedia as search options and apparently nothing else exists?

Cos I have. I'll specifically set cm or opera to use duckduckgo - go to use the browser shortly thereafter and the search settings have gone back to Google. It happens more in phones than PC but it shouldn't be happening at all.

Treaty of Roam: No-deal Brexit mobile bill shock

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Draft statutory instruments

Governmentese translation number #456

Draft Statutory Instrument = Unlubricated Butt Plug, voters for the use of.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: As a yank

I bet you don't either. To explain. The roads are "maintained" partly by the highways agency and partly by local authorities. The highways agency and the local authorities get their funding from whatever bunch of dribbling retards are on the thieve at the time from taxes paid by business and private citizens (unless of course they're American corporations or Japanese car companies).

People are going to be out of jobs because Brexit - any company that wants out will blame Brexit and disappear so fast the only things left behind will be skidmarks and an unpaid tax bill. It doesn't matter if Brexit is the cause - it'll be the excuse.

Since most corporations pay the exact minimum in tax and inbredistanis just ignore everyone anyway when it comes to tax, the future of humanity, and basic human rights, what do you think will happen to the available funds from taxation? Yes, clever Inbredistani, they'll go down faster than a Clinton intern. No jobs, no wage, no wagee, no payee taxee - no taxes, no money for roads or anything else.

I'm giving it about three weeks after that until the potholes actually join up and we disappear into the sea like a 6th rate chav infested Atlantis. Hopefully in the last weeks the potholes will gain a sentience and a sense of irony and express a preference for those driving second hand BMW/Audi and those execrable electric cars. I did think about issuing an "I support Brexit" Christian fish type car sticker - but a chrome plated depiction of Rodney Trotter being nailed up the ass by a Charolais bull would probably offend* (PETA) even if it is perfectly apt.

* Not, you understand, because they find the image of a lanky twerp being nailed up the ass by an animal, sans lube, offensive. Heavens no. It's because the Charolais Bull is white, and that's racist (I'm sure someone will suggest painting it orange - good luck with that)**

** See PETA and milk - I wish I was kidding - gives "snowflake" a whole new meaning.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Government taking credit

You are of course assuming that senior management has heard of the term "common sense".

In reality they're the sort of people who get asked to pick a colour for their new spin off company logo - and manage to pick out the one purple in the entire of Europe that no one can formulate as paint (but is available as ink for the brochures). It cost that company (an ICI agrochemical spin off if I remember rightly) more to do the sign writing on the vans (because they had to invent a new process to make the paint), than it did to buy the vans outright.

Management aren't P.Narrans, they aren't even H.Sapiens - they're more along the lines of somewhere between australopithecus afarensis and Wally from Dilbert.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Um, guys, only 1 month left

I hope he does move to Ireland - that way he'll be a pair of boots in a smoking crater before you can say "Octavo" and with any luck they'll get the whole hell spawned family (lest the evil persist).

He'd be burning benefits claimants, single mothers and atheists in power stations if he could get away with it. The sooner he's buried at a crossroads with a stake through his heart and decapitated the better (and what's the betting the crossroads will need resurfacing in 3 months...)

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Um, guys, only 1 month left

All that is required is for the contents of Parliament to develop the collective political will to get beaten like a Chipperfield monkey.

There I fixed it for you.

Brexit is the political equivalent of a 1100cc Allegro - miserable, pointless, underdeveloped and bought by just the sort of cretin spawned from the sort of cretin who'd formerly Buy British on a Monday and play "whack-a-black" on a Saturday night circa 1982.

I've been to Ipswich hospital today - A12 and A14 and the roads were a bumpy unpleasant mess even in a Merc and the whole trip was carpeted in rubbish hanging from trees and stuffed down rabbit holes. How the hell do people think Brexit is going to improve matters. Between here and Russia the ONLY piece of road as bad as the A12 is the two miles either side of the Russian border - not because they don't want to fix it up, simply because there's not enough room between the traffic for an anorexic centipede, let alone a resurfacing/rebuild crew - they were as of last year building a WHOLE TEMPORARY ROAD just so they could do up a 4 mile section. Our local council can't even afford to put a roundabout in that they've known they'll need for 20 years.

England is a fucking embarrassment, Wales isn't much better - we've got more potholes than the centre of Dresden circa 1945 - the public transport system imploded when Leyland Nationals still wheezed the earth and the NHS would be on its last legs but it got funding diabetes and someone chopped them off (with a rusty chainsaw). And this is BEFORE Brexit happens.

That's not even to start on every company that'll be using Brexit as an excuse to run for the hills (have eyes, and air-cooled teeth*) even if it's got nothing to do with it. So there go the jobs.

It be like Ashes to Ashes without the humour or anything more memorable on the road than a bloody Vauxhall Za-fryer or C*ntryman. Audi Quattro Turbo - can't be having one of those sir, the pollution dontchaknow (despite the inconvenient fact that even using a Model T Ford would be better for the environment than the collective pollution of building all its replacements over the years you greenpeacetard cretins).

There is, according to US military research a 16-18% retard ratio in the human population - up to 18% of a given population can't be trained to point a rifle in the correct direction and use it. Yet we have given these people a Brexit vote... I'll let you do the math..

Oh... Right.. Sorry.

If you ever wondered by the way why the Conservative party get in most often - you can thank the retard ratio.

*Only in North Wales.

What a re-leaf: IBM's AI smarts to tell 'leccy companies when their bushes need trimming

Jemma Silver badge

Let's say..

.. you wanted to get the average rain on all agricultural land during the growing season in Kenya...

Well that's simple. Not enough.

Can I have my £1.5bn now?

I would turn sarcasm mode off ladies and gentlemen - but the button fell out of the dashboard.

"IBM - if BL made computers™"

Fake fuse: Bloke admits selling counterfeit chips for use in B-1 bomber, other US military gear

Jemma Silver badge

Re: No that's not "Upcycling"

Star in an episode of Quincy and "amortise the costs"?

Mines the one with the Ford LTD keys in the pocket.

Ca-caw-caw: Pigeon poops on tot's face as tempers fray at siege of Lincoln flats

Jemma Silver badge

"Standard issue...

Pigeon proof vest, private"

"Farewell to the bravest item of clothing I've ever known..."


Anyone know how to get blueberries out of feathers?

Ever feel like all your prayers go unheard? The Catholic Church has an app for that

Jemma Silver badge

Jeremy Clovenhoof....

Come on down...

Huawei’s elusive Mr Ren: We’re just a 'sesame seed' in a superpower spat

Jemma Silver badge

Re: The real power lies with

Don't apologise - we were all thinking it

Peak Apple: This time it's SERIOUS, Tim

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Captain Cook?

Oh.. I don't know about that... I can so see a pink frilly shirt and spray on jeans..

"I wanna sing and dance

I wanna sing and dance

I wanna be a pirate

In the Pirates of Penzance"

If I remember rightly that's out of the "gay pirate song" - pretty much dead on I'd say.

I've been looking forward to the day when Apple end up working out of a Luton lock up.. Soon, my precious (£100 Android), soon.

A few reasons why cops haven't immediately shot down London Gatwick airport drone menace

Jemma Silver badge

Re: How about a high power laser burst ?

You have a point - but once we've ironed out the problems we can fly it down to Washington*...

But my point still stands. This is a situation that's been a "going to happen" since drones were invented - how long does it take for someone to sit down and think about a solution.

And for the people who do not know. In order to get an airworthiness certificate - any multi engined aircraft must demonstrate the ability to maintain altitude and controllable flight with 50% powerplant failure generally within sensible power settings for the remaining engines. If your new type can't do that - it doesn't fly. So for example a Mosquito or Hornet can fly on one Merlin/Griffon and a 747 can fly with 2 engines out - it can glide something like 2 miles per 1000ft of height without any power.

Personally I'd have tested their resolve with an empty aircraft and volunteer pilots - if they really were gonna play silly buggers you'd soon know..

* Fer Dickwit hunting.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: How about a high power laser burst ?

A Polish pilots thoughts on the matter, over R/Te.

"Repeat, please"

I'm reminded of a godawful American film, airliner goes back in time to 1940 gets pasted by Me262 a1a, with afterburners yet, no less than 5 at which point we find the passenger compartment is impervious to mk108 fire, but the landing gear isn't... That's about where I gave up.

How bloody hard would it be to have put in a defence plan against this, they're already using birds of prey to catch drones.. If you really want to do it on the cheap - put a tactical shotgun into a Mosquito model aircraft - ala the tsetse fly.. Just imagine getting paid for *that* job..

The Palm Palm: The Derringer of smartphones

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Oh look, they re invented the HTC Touch Diamond.

Well I just took delivery of the Unihertz Jelly Pro off Amazon in black. Amazing little thing - fits across the palm of my hand - just need to get nano sim for it & it'll replace the T5 lite as carry phone. Almost the same spec, LESS than a quarter the size. Good screen and I suspect 3 days battery life with 4G switched off and the usual power saving settings. It's so tiny it's almost too small. Definitely worth the £100 for a phone that'll fit in a pocket and doesn't double up as light artillery ammunition..

Jemma Silver badge

Oh look, they re invented the HTC Touch Diamond.

Great idea, but hell no at that price - £100 maybe unlocked. I've actually begun to leave the mobile at home because it's so big it interferes with me doing things (Doogee T5 lite) and it's not even particularly large. Give me this with a sliding keyboard ala HTC touch PRO and I'll happily bite your arm off, up to the elbow.

And what's with the ridiculous prices? £1500 for a phone that costs £195-250 to build inclusive of "underpaid Asian worker tax"? That's not profit it's theft.

Stop us if you've heard this one: Facebook apologizes for bug leaking private photos

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Wonky Want

A fellow Cadoganite?

Jemma Silver badge

Kill it..

Kill it with fire!

That is all.

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

Jemma Silver badge

Blocking git(s)

I don't think any of my bosses would have liked that if I did that to them... But oh God, it's such a wonderful thought. A Boss Firewall - someone *has* to invent that.

Jemma Silver badge

Can we have...

Some real landmines in tech HQs please (said in Oliver Twist quote fashion for best effect).

I'm thinking something roughly the size of the Lochnagar mine, using the national molecule of ISIS/Somalia/Palestine/NI, TATP.

They just don't understand that no means no. Or in most cases "hell, no". The government agencies tell them don't do that, consumers say don't do that, industry bodies tell them to stop. What do they do? Ignore everyone and just do what they want, to who they want, when they want.

That's above and beyond the software that's flakier than a lepers crotch, data breaches and crappy code and security thereof. Putting Windows 10 on a computer should have a warning on the box that it's the IT equivalent of giving that Maureen woman from the bad drivers series an M1 Abrams & free fuel for life. You know it's a bad idea, but you just can't stop - or look away..

IBM is trying to throttle my age-discrimination lawsuit – axed ace cloud salesman

Jemma Silver badge

Re: American companies...

Think "humancentipad" with Brazilian girls..


I didn't know Cadburys* did a fudge & sweetcorn bar...

*If you've never been to the Cadburys factory at Bournville (I think it is) be prepared for a shock - the stench of chocolate can actually make you feel ill (it's like walking into an invisible wall of choco-stink) - and the surrounding area is still 'dry' - you can't buy alcoholic beverages because the Cadburys family were & possibly still are Quakers. So whereas the rest of Birmingham died from cirrhosis and/or "whatever-you-were-employed-as-lung"- the people in the area around the factory invented Diabetes single handed.

Jemma Silver badge

American companies...

Treating employees (and the greater part of the human race (see pfoa)) like second hand shit?

I think that is a perfect example of what Lord Vetinari might in an unguarded moment refer to as "olds".

For fax sake: NHS to be banned from buying archaic copy-flingers

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Sweapstake

"For the only hospital left* since the UK was designated a 5th world country".

*In Luton **

** For inbredistanis and non UK residents - Luton is the UK version of Tatooine.. "If there's a bright centre to the universe - you're in the shithole that's furthest from...". Even Daleks & Cybermen leave it well alone - on the basis that:

A: They can't make it worse than it already is.

B: The suicidal bsod that results from going too close. The Doc missed a trick - just transmat them to Leagrave - job done.***

*** Yaz please - she's cute.

Tesla autopilot saves driver after he fell asleep at wheel on the freeway

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Easy to Spot

Probable cause..

Not being white, with intent

Yup, that there should cover it.

In a somewhat related story - did you hear about the nutter who took a Model T Ford across the US after 15 minutes driving one*. Spoiler alert he's still alive and he wrote a book.

*Model Ts have a 4ish speed kind-of-manual gearbox and three pedals. The slight problem being that the gearbox has two ratios the transaxle the same - and the middle pedal is actually reverse gear. The gearbox is controlled by the left side pedal (L-N-H) and you do have brakes but Microsoft might call them press & pray. Did I mention it will try its best to kill you if you try to use the starting handle?

AI snaps business titan jaywalking

Jemma Silver badge

Re: I think I need to follow Ethan Hunt's example

I can't see what you did there...

Shocker: UK smart meter rollout is crap, late and £500m over budget

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

Well, that's strange - I'm still using two PIR LED 6w bulbs I bought in 2008 and most have lasted 5 years or more, through a house move too. I don't spend stupid money on them either - cheapies from Amazon. I think it depends on how clean the power supply is and whether lights and sockets are on a separate circuit. A neighbour has LEDs blow all the time but the wiring in that flat is suspect to say the least.

I can't use halogens anyway because my pets *hate* them - current thinking is they hurt their eyes. I wouldn't go back to incandescent bulbs when I can light the whole place for less energy than a single 60w bulb.

I guess YMMV applies.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

To reply to both of you ACs.

I have an unpainted flat and my neighbours in the same block is painted cream/white. Interior temperature in mine at 3am during the hot spell? 32c with windows open, I had to put desert snakes and large lizard (male Tegu) in a lukewarm bath to cool off because they were showing signs of heat agitation.

The temperature in the next door flat at the same time? 26c.

You were saying?

As to the fridge - it was a cheap replacement - creates less heat than an incandescent and reduces that functions power use by 5x, 6000k frequency light is actually helpful to the eyes (it's the reason why you get better vision with LEDS because it's closer to the daylight wavelength than incandescents (2700k or so). Yes you are entirely correct that the main load is from the pump - however every little efficiency helps.

In the summer my energy usage with all LEDS - remote sockets & pir lights/remote control lights is less than 60% of a normal flat - it's less than that if it's a hot summer and I can shut down *all* the heat mats for the reptiles.

Jemma Silver badge

Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

Cos the government can't afford to pay the bills as it is.

Here's a better method.

Roll out a program that subsidises 1st purchase of LED bulbs

Roll out a program that *insists* that all new sold equipment uses said bulbs (just one bulb reduced my fridges light use from 15w to 3.3w).

Roll out a program that states all vehicles will use BA15S/D and relevant standard style led bulbs from now on in their standard sockets (you can get these even for positive earth cars) - 7" sealed beam headlights incand > LED equals a 40% power saving. Save time gaining the safety and energy benefits *and* stop companies like Bavarian Nazi Wankers & the monkey gassing VW (what is it with Germans & gas chambers anyway?) etc al charging drivers £800 for a frigging tail light. And yes, they'll even work in an Austin 7 Ruby - it's hardly rocket science.

Call in and retrofit all petrol and diesel cars with engine preheaters and have the relevant hardened sockets fitted where needed. 20-28% saving on fuel - saving on wear - saving on electrical power. A sump heater is 4p an hour on mains electric.

All homes fitted with storage style electric heating refitted with modern equipment (and if possible the cretins who came up with those little gems, identified, located, and shot at dawn as a warning to others)

All in-duh-viduals claiming that hydrogen, electric etc don't pollute, are clean etc, to be summarily sterilised (lest the evil persist) ditto anti-vaxxers & flat-earthers while the kits on hire. Three dumbasses with one scalpel as it were.

Investigation in to the benefit of light coloured buildings regarding internal temperatures & summer energy use. Actually I'll save you the trouble - a light colour reduces interior temperature of cars/buildings by anything up to 25%.

I could go on.. the gains that could be made are astronomical just by using current technologies in current systems. Slapping twatometers on people's supplies and punishing them for living their lives is ludicrous when there are easier benefits to be had... Talk about low hanging fruit - in comparison a chihuahuas testicles would be a stretch.

Google swallows up DeepMind Health and abolishes 'independent board'

Jemma Silver badge

It might not be Google..

Maybe Alexa has a new "howl recognition" feature..

Can just imagine clippy...

"it looks like you're trying BDSM impalement play. Would you like some help with that?"

Incidentally they're trying to get Amazon Alexa data from a murder scene - paired phones, conversations in range of the speakers etc. So that's not creepy at all - even without activating my Inner Vimes my cynicometer is going off register, what's the betting the sound of women being murdered on Alexa will turn up on the Web...

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Lets hope

My partner did die from a disease that could already be cured by "big data analysis" after she'd told them AGAIN and AGAIN that she was at high risk of having that precise condition.

What do you know. It started when she was 14,it took her a YEAR AND A HALF for fuckwit NHS doctors to listen by which time it had already started to spread - it came back when she was 17, at which point the consultant told her to "fuck off home and die because we need the bed" and she died riddled on her 22nd birthday.

If you haven't worked it out already - HPV mediated cervical cancer as a result of abuse.

DO NOT accuse me of click baiting or being pessimistic about the NHS - there is not one situation in my entire 43 years of life regarding my own health or the health of people I care about where the No Hope Service haven't fucked up comprehensively.

My medical information is protected BY LAW because of my particular circumstances. Even UK government agencies have to ask for permission specifically on each & every occasion to access it. I do not want that detailed information - even if it is "anonymised" *to make a hollow laughing* anywhere near Google because if that information gets into the wrong hands it has been used as an excuse for murder, medical negligence leading to death, and worse.

Look up a girl called Tempest Smith, all she did was be of the wrong religion in a "civilised country" - we aren't talking Saudi or the UAE. Imagine what happens if the US government makes homosexuality illegal and every single person has put down on NHS forms their sexuality, or next of kin as their gay partner - or even what health conditions you may have.. Travel to the US to visit family - Google picks that up, finds out you're an uphill gardener or carpeteer - notifies the airport cops and you don't even get a foot off the plane... And it might just be a best guess on googles part and totally wrong. Good luck with getting any support from the UK government if Smeagol Gove or Boris Baggins is Prime Minister - Rees-Borgia would probably ask them to hurry up and execute you, and probably lend them a Lee Enfield SMLE and ammo just in case they were short (government cuts, y'all).

The data isn't the problem. The data is extremely useful for collating patterns and formulating theories and treatments and I would have zero problem if that's *all* it'd be used for, guaranteed. But that isn't the case and if you think it is you're either deranged or brain dead. Inbredistani companies have one rule and one alone - profit - it doesn't matter who gets hurt or what ecosystem is destroyed or what laws are ignored or broken - profit rules anyway anyhow.

And you seriously think that NHS senior managers and UK health ministers (who'd generally need six months intensive training just to wipe their own backsides successfully) have any hope of properly distributing and protecting this data? Don't make me laugh.

And the best part? Even when there is a cure for a serious illness the NHS will usually find a way to avoid providing it until it's too late, or doing a half assed job riddled with paperwork so that the actual chance of getting the treatment is about the same as Donnie Dickwit having an intelligent thought. The only department of the organisation that seems in my personal experience to be successful is the legal department, abrogation of patient murder and mistreatment, for the use of.

Jemma Silver badge

What a fucking surprise..

And bloody ironic since my GP surgery signage system burps up a "We don't sell your information" scam warning ever 30 seconds.

THIS is why I didn't sign up for the NHS information sharing a while back and told them in no uncertain terms to get thyselves @#&*ed dear NHS and a load of you lot downvoted me for it.

My medical details are MY medical details - and if I want to sell them that's MY right. And I can tell you for nothing that ain't happening with an American company while the Redneck Retardistani is in office.

The NHS needs to legally guarantee that health information, especially for groups that are protected under the UK law, will NOT be spaffed to an Inbredistani company that has shown bigotry and a total disregard for the mental health of its employees - not to mention being involved in *any* way with the present or future incumbent resident of 1600 Pen Ave.

I am going to say I told you so because I did and got tirades of abuse for it. Many people could see where this would end up and guess what - it has arrived exactly where we said - I'm surprised it took this long tbh.

Google should be kicked out of the health service on the spot including for search on any NHS owned hardware (which is actually quite easy) for breach of contract. Data thievery for monetary benefit has no place in this country. Do what you like in Inbredistan, Google & Facebook et al, but don't try it here.

Planet Computers straps proper phone to its next Psion scion, Cosmo

Jemma Silver badge

Or you could...

Get your hands on a NOS late model Toshiba Libretto and slap Android x86 on it and buy a 3G dongle if you need one. For about a quarter the price..

Watching a geek squee over his new Gemini - free

Seeing the look on his face when you show him the same functionality on something that was designed while he was in nappies and cost you £100?



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