* Posts by Jemma

836 posts • joined 31 Dec 2008


Huawei’s elusive Mr Ren: We’re just a 'sesame seed' in a superpower spat

Jemma Silver badge

Re: The real power lies with

Don't apologise - we were all thinking it

Peak Apple: This time it's SERIOUS, Tim

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Re: Captain Cook?

Oh.. I don't know about that... I can so see a pink frilly shirt and spray on jeans..

"I wanna sing and dance

I wanna sing and dance

I wanna be a pirate

In the Pirates of Penzance"

If I remember rightly that's out of the "gay pirate song" - pretty much dead on I'd say.

I've been looking forward to the day when Apple end up working out of a Luton lock up.. Soon, my precious (£100 Android), soon.

A few reasons why cops haven't immediately shot down London Gatwick airport drone menace

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Re: How about a high power laser burst ?

You have a point - but once we've ironed out the problems we can fly it down to Washington*...

But my point still stands. This is a situation that's been a "going to happen" since drones were invented - how long does it take for someone to sit down and think about a solution.

And for the people who do not know. In order to get an airworthiness certificate - any multi engined aircraft must demonstrate the ability to maintain altitude and controllable flight with 50% powerplant failure generally within sensible power settings for the remaining engines. If your new type can't do that - it doesn't fly. So for example a Mosquito or Hornet can fly on one Merlin/Griffon and a 747 can fly with 2 engines out - it can glide something like 2 miles per 1000ft of height without any power.

Personally I'd have tested their resolve with an empty aircraft and volunteer pilots - if they really were gonna play silly buggers you'd soon know..

* Fer Dickwit hunting.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: How about a high power laser burst ?

A Polish pilots thoughts on the matter, over R/Te.

"Repeat, please"

I'm reminded of a godawful American film, airliner goes back in time to 1940 gets pasted by Me262 a1a, with afterburners yet, no less than 5 at which point we find the passenger compartment is impervious to mk108 fire, but the landing gear isn't... That's about where I gave up.

How bloody hard would it be to have put in a defence plan against this, they're already using birds of prey to catch drones.. If you really want to do it on the cheap - put a tactical shotgun into a Mosquito model aircraft - ala the tsetse fly.. Just imagine getting paid for *that* job..

The Palm Palm: The Derringer of smartphones

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Re: Oh look, they re invented the HTC Touch Diamond.

Well I just took delivery of the Unihertz Jelly Pro off Amazon in black. Amazing little thing - fits across the palm of my hand - just need to get nano sim for it & it'll replace the T5 lite as carry phone. Almost the same spec, LESS than a quarter the size. Good screen and I suspect 3 days battery life with 4G switched off and the usual power saving settings. It's so tiny it's almost too small. Definitely worth the £100 for a phone that'll fit in a pocket and doesn't double up as light artillery ammunition..

Jemma Silver badge

Oh look, they re invented the HTC Touch Diamond.

Great idea, but hell no at that price - £100 maybe unlocked. I've actually begun to leave the mobile at home because it's so big it interferes with me doing things (Doogee T5 lite) and it's not even particularly large. Give me this with a sliding keyboard ala HTC touch PRO and I'll happily bite your arm off, up to the elbow.

And what's with the ridiculous prices? £1500 for a phone that costs £195-250 to build inclusive of "underpaid Asian worker tax"? That's not profit it's theft.

Stop us if you've heard this one: Facebook apologizes for bug leaking private photos

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Re: Wonky Want

A fellow Cadoganite?

Jemma Silver badge

Kill it..

Kill it with fire!

That is all.

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

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Blocking git(s)

I don't think any of my bosses would have liked that if I did that to them... But oh God, it's such a wonderful thought. A Boss Firewall - someone *has* to invent that.

Jemma Silver badge

Can we have...

Some real landmines in tech HQs please (said in Oliver Twist quote fashion for best effect).

I'm thinking something roughly the size of the Lochnagar mine, using the national molecule of ISIS/Somalia/Palestine/NI, TATP.

They just don't understand that no means no. Or in most cases "hell, no". The government agencies tell them don't do that, consumers say don't do that, industry bodies tell them to stop. What do they do? Ignore everyone and just do what they want, to who they want, when they want.

That's above and beyond the software that's flakier than a lepers crotch, data breaches and crappy code and security thereof. Putting Windows 10 on a computer should have a warning on the box that it's the IT equivalent of giving that Maureen woman from the bad drivers series an M1 Abrams & free fuel for life. You know it's a bad idea, but you just can't stop - or look away..

IBM is trying to throttle my age-discrimination lawsuit – axed ace cloud salesman

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Re: American companies...

Think "humancentipad" with Brazilian girls..


I didn't know Cadburys* did a fudge & sweetcorn bar...

*If you've never been to the Cadburys factory at Bournville (I think it is) be prepared for a shock - the stench of chocolate can actually make you feel ill (it's like walking into an invisible wall of choco-stink) - and the surrounding area is still 'dry' - you can't buy alcoholic beverages because the Cadburys family were & possibly still are Quakers. So whereas the rest of Birmingham died from cirrhosis and/or "whatever-you-were-employed-as-lung"- the people in the area around the factory invented Diabetes single handed.

Jemma Silver badge

American companies...

Treating employees (and the greater part of the human race (see pfoa)) like second hand shit?

I think that is a perfect example of what Lord Vetinari might in an unguarded moment refer to as "olds".

For fax sake: NHS to be banned from buying archaic copy-flingers

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Re: Sweapstake

"For the only hospital left* since the UK was designated a 5th world country".

*In Luton **

** For inbredistanis and non UK residents - Luton is the UK version of Tatooine.. "If there's a bright centre to the universe - you're in the shithole that's furthest from...". Even Daleks & Cybermen leave it well alone - on the basis that:

A: They can't make it worse than it already is.

B: The suicidal bsod that results from going too close. The Doc missed a trick - just transmat them to Leagrave - job done.***

*** Yaz please - she's cute.

Tesla autopilot saves driver after he fell asleep at wheel on the freeway

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Re: Easy to Spot

Probable cause..

Not being white, with intent

Yup, that there should cover it.

In a somewhat related story - did you hear about the nutter who took a Model T Ford across the US after 15 minutes driving one*. Spoiler alert he's still alive and he wrote a book.

*Model Ts have a 4ish speed kind-of-manual gearbox and three pedals. The slight problem being that the gearbox has two ratios the transaxle the same - and the middle pedal is actually reverse gear. The gearbox is controlled by the left side pedal (L-N-H) and you do have brakes but Microsoft might call them press & pray. Did I mention it will try its best to kill you if you try to use the starting handle?

AI snaps business titan jaywalking

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Re: I think I need to follow Ethan Hunt's example

I can't see what you did there...

Shocker: UK smart meter rollout is crap, late and £500m over budget

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Re: Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

Well, that's strange - I'm still using two PIR LED 6w bulbs I bought in 2008 and most have lasted 5 years or more, through a house move too. I don't spend stupid money on them either - cheapies from Amazon. I think it depends on how clean the power supply is and whether lights and sockets are on a separate circuit. A neighbour has LEDs blow all the time but the wiring in that flat is suspect to say the least.

I can't use halogens anyway because my pets *hate* them - current thinking is they hurt their eyes. I wouldn't go back to incandescent bulbs when I can light the whole place for less energy than a single 60w bulb.

I guess YMMV applies.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

To reply to both of you ACs.

I have an unpainted flat and my neighbours in the same block is painted cream/white. Interior temperature in mine at 3am during the hot spell? 32c with windows open, I had to put desert snakes and large lizard (male Tegu) in a lukewarm bath to cool off because they were showing signs of heat agitation.

The temperature in the next door flat at the same time? 26c.

You were saying?

As to the fridge - it was a cheap replacement - creates less heat than an incandescent and reduces that functions power use by 5x, 6000k frequency light is actually helpful to the eyes (it's the reason why you get better vision with LEDS because it's closer to the daylight wavelength than incandescents (2700k or so). Yes you are entirely correct that the main load is from the pump - however every little efficiency helps.

In the summer my energy usage with all LEDS - remote sockets & pir lights/remote control lights is less than 60% of a normal flat - it's less than that if it's a hot summer and I can shut down *all* the heat mats for the reptiles.

Jemma Silver badge

Nah.. They won't be getting a grilling..

Cos the government can't afford to pay the bills as it is.

Here's a better method.

Roll out a program that subsidises 1st purchase of LED bulbs

Roll out a program that *insists* that all new sold equipment uses said bulbs (just one bulb reduced my fridges light use from 15w to 3.3w).

Roll out a program that states all vehicles will use BA15S/D and relevant standard style led bulbs from now on in their standard sockets (you can get these even for positive earth cars) - 7" sealed beam headlights incand > LED equals a 40% power saving. Save time gaining the safety and energy benefits *and* stop companies like Bavarian Nazi Wankers & the monkey gassing VW (what is it with Germans & gas chambers anyway?) etc al charging drivers £800 for a frigging tail light. And yes, they'll even work in an Austin 7 Ruby - it's hardly rocket science.

Call in and retrofit all petrol and diesel cars with engine preheaters and have the relevant hardened sockets fitted where needed. 20-28% saving on fuel - saving on wear - saving on electrical power. A sump heater is 4p an hour on mains electric.

All homes fitted with storage style electric heating refitted with modern equipment (and if possible the cretins who came up with those little gems, identified, located, and shot at dawn as a warning to others)

All in-duh-viduals claiming that hydrogen, electric etc don't pollute, are clean etc, to be summarily sterilised (lest the evil persist) ditto anti-vaxxers & flat-earthers while the kits on hire. Three dumbasses with one scalpel as it were.

Investigation in to the benefit of light coloured buildings regarding internal temperatures & summer energy use. Actually I'll save you the trouble - a light colour reduces interior temperature of cars/buildings by anything up to 25%.

I could go on.. the gains that could be made are astronomical just by using current technologies in current systems. Slapping twatometers on people's supplies and punishing them for living their lives is ludicrous when there are easier benefits to be had... Talk about low hanging fruit - in comparison a chihuahuas testicles would be a stretch.

Google swallows up DeepMind Health and abolishes 'independent board'

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It might not be Google..

Maybe Alexa has a new "howl recognition" feature..

Can just imagine clippy...

"it looks like you're trying BDSM impalement play. Would you like some help with that?"

Incidentally they're trying to get Amazon Alexa data from a murder scene - paired phones, conversations in range of the speakers etc. So that's not creepy at all - even without activating my Inner Vimes my cynicometer is going off register, what's the betting the sound of women being murdered on Alexa will turn up on the Web...

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Lets hope

My partner did die from a disease that could already be cured by "big data analysis" after she'd told them AGAIN and AGAIN that she was at high risk of having that precise condition.

What do you know. It started when she was 14,it took her a YEAR AND A HALF for fuckwit NHS doctors to listen by which time it had already started to spread - it came back when she was 17, at which point the consultant told her to "fuck off home and die because we need the bed" and she died riddled on her 22nd birthday.

If you haven't worked it out already - HPV mediated cervical cancer as a result of abuse.

DO NOT accuse me of click baiting or being pessimistic about the NHS - there is not one situation in my entire 43 years of life regarding my own health or the health of people I care about where the No Hope Service haven't fucked up comprehensively.

My medical information is protected BY LAW because of my particular circumstances. Even UK government agencies have to ask for permission specifically on each & every occasion to access it. I do not want that detailed information - even if it is "anonymised" *to make a hollow laughing* anywhere near Google because if that information gets into the wrong hands it has been used as an excuse for murder, medical negligence leading to death, and worse.

Look up a girl called Tempest Smith, all she did was be of the wrong religion in a "civilised country" - we aren't talking Saudi or the UAE. Imagine what happens if the US government makes homosexuality illegal and every single person has put down on NHS forms their sexuality, or next of kin as their gay partner - or even what health conditions you may have.. Travel to the US to visit family - Google picks that up, finds out you're an uphill gardener or carpeteer - notifies the airport cops and you don't even get a foot off the plane... And it might just be a best guess on googles part and totally wrong. Good luck with getting any support from the UK government if Smeagol Gove or Boris Baggins is Prime Minister - Rees-Borgia would probably ask them to hurry up and execute you, and probably lend them a Lee Enfield SMLE and ammo just in case they were short (government cuts, y'all).

The data isn't the problem. The data is extremely useful for collating patterns and formulating theories and treatments and I would have zero problem if that's *all* it'd be used for, guaranteed. But that isn't the case and if you think it is you're either deranged or brain dead. Inbredistani companies have one rule and one alone - profit - it doesn't matter who gets hurt or what ecosystem is destroyed or what laws are ignored or broken - profit rules anyway anyhow.

And you seriously think that NHS senior managers and UK health ministers (who'd generally need six months intensive training just to wipe their own backsides successfully) have any hope of properly distributing and protecting this data? Don't make me laugh.

And the best part? Even when there is a cure for a serious illness the NHS will usually find a way to avoid providing it until it's too late, or doing a half assed job riddled with paperwork so that the actual chance of getting the treatment is about the same as Donnie Dickwit having an intelligent thought. The only department of the organisation that seems in my personal experience to be successful is the legal department, abrogation of patient murder and mistreatment, for the use of.

Jemma Silver badge

What a fucking surprise..

And bloody ironic since my GP surgery signage system burps up a "We don't sell your information" scam warning ever 30 seconds.

THIS is why I didn't sign up for the NHS information sharing a while back and told them in no uncertain terms to get thyselves @#&*ed dear NHS and a load of you lot downvoted me for it.

My medical details are MY medical details - and if I want to sell them that's MY right. And I can tell you for nothing that ain't happening with an American company while the Redneck Retardistani is in office.

The NHS needs to legally guarantee that health information, especially for groups that are protected under the UK law, will NOT be spaffed to an Inbredistani company that has shown bigotry and a total disregard for the mental health of its employees - not to mention being involved in *any* way with the present or future incumbent resident of 1600 Pen Ave.

I am going to say I told you so because I did and got tirades of abuse for it. Many people could see where this would end up and guess what - it has arrived exactly where we said - I'm surprised it took this long tbh.

Google should be kicked out of the health service on the spot including for search on any NHS owned hardware (which is actually quite easy) for breach of contract. Data thievery for monetary benefit has no place in this country. Do what you like in Inbredistan, Google & Facebook et al, but don't try it here.

Planet Computers straps proper phone to its next Psion scion, Cosmo

Jemma Silver badge

Or you could...

Get your hands on a NOS late model Toshiba Libretto and slap Android x86 on it and buy a 3G dongle if you need one. For about a quarter the price..

Watching a geek squee over his new Gemini - free

Seeing the look on his face when you show him the same functionality on something that was designed while he was in nappies and cost you £100?


Jemma Silver badge

But that's the point it doesn't. My current phone has 2/3/4g, WiFi, Bluetooth, GPS transceiver, and a hotknot transceiver (sounds like something my ex would be in to but actually a sort of NFC).

It has a screen not much bigger than the E7 - although of higher resolution.

It has a 4500mah battery that left on the side will give you 7 days of standby on a quad core processor. It's speed is perfectly acceptable even when running a vpn and a multitude of apps. The processor is an mt6735, which is to phone CPUS what the stovebolt-6 is to high performance engine design *and it is *still* entirely satisfactory* but more to the point I've never managed to run an app yet that maxes it out to the point I'm uncomfortable using it (ie I'm overstressing it).

The problem isn't the radios or the screen it's the annoying lazy scriptkiddies who think that just because you've got a RAM space of 6gb, their WiFi sniffer app should be using 60% of it. It's like the old BOFH episode... Which went something like.

Amateur Scriptcretin "Oh that? That's just a little script I wrote to ping the network printers. For fun..."

BOFH : "For fun. Pinging every single printer on MY network once a second - every second and then re-pinging them because they're set NOT to respond to pings - in perpetuity... Because network bandwidth is unlimited. But then, I *like* fun too - I love nice long walks in the forest at night "with a shovel, some quicklime, and thou".

NASA got to the moon using computers that would be embarrassed by a scientific calculator. Modern coders can't get the equivalent of a small supercomputer to run frigging Candy Crush. If you consider that progress I think you're reading the wrong woodcut.

Jemma Silver badge

I'm interested but for heavens sake why do we need 6gb of RAM and a server grade multicore processor? 3gb & a quad core or even 2gb - that's what I'm using constantly & it isn't slow, doesn't lag (except first load of a large app)? I can't find any sensible reason for 8 plus core processors when you're driving a small screen and a supposedly "mobile" OS and doing precisely (albeit at higher resolution) what I was doing on a dual core 220mhz phone a few years ago. I still do the same thing on an almost identically sized device so why'd I need 15x the processing power. Oh yes, now I remember, lazy crappy programming by "agile" fetishists whose only interest in minimising resource & energy use is how far away the Doritos should be. Do I sound bitter? I want to sound bitter.

I had an E70, 9300, E7 and I think the predecessor to the 9300.. I want to say 9500? And they were brilliant (except the USB on the E7 & the lack of WiFi on the 9300 (thanks a bunch Nokia)). Now Im stuck with touchscreens and USB OTG - and the irony? If you open out a 9300 or 9500 flat - or even an E7 they're still smaller than iCretin devices with much better functionality and ease of use. The E7 had USB OTG - the N8 a built-in fm transmitter..

I'm tempted, but I'm not very happy paying for 3 times what I need hardware wise which will be effectively what I'm doing. If they bring out a cheaper version then maybe - but as others have said - its wait and see until we know this isn't going to be a vapourware experience.

30 spies dead after Iran cracked CIA comms network with, er, Google search – new claim

Jemma Silver badge

Re: You do NOT jeopardise the safety of your people...

Have you read any of the history of the CIA, MI5, MI6, NKVD, KGB, FSB? Are you actually saying that with a straight face?

The only thing that intelligence agencies have ever managed to do on a regular basis is cock up and get agents killed. KGB - accidentally uses one time pads twice - agents get caught (including Maclean & Fuchs). CIA we'd need all week for their monumental cock ups. MI6 is a perfect description for British intelligence because it has their collective IQ in the name, 6. The entire security vetting process for a dapper gent by the name of Harold Adrian Russell Philby (better known as "Kim") was "don't worry I know his dad" (who himself was a cross between Delboy Trotter & Lucky Luciano). The MIs and the foreign office between them managed to recruit virtually every single communist university student in the entire country by accident and then wondered why there were so many Russian spies floating around...

You honestly couldn't make it up - and even Hollywood would laugh in your face if you told them the truth.

Jemma Silver badge

Kim Philby

Is sitting somewhere on the astral plane with a nice G & T...

pissing himself laughing... along with Burgess, Maclean, Blunt & company.

while certain members of the CIA will be sweating like J.Edgar Hoover trying to squeeze into a new girdle...

It's another case of the wasp & the stinging nettle.

In other news.. is it just me or does American foreign policy seem recently like it was borrowed from episodes of Futurama?

Boom! Just like that the eSIM market emerges – and jolly useful it is too

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Re: And jolly useful it is too....???

It will be different because if the esim is part of the OS and not removable it'd be really easy to flash a firmware on that locks the emergency lines and claim it can't work any other way. Given the average MP has all the processing ability of a Triumph Heralds ECU and all the technical nous of Pinky from Pinky & the Brain... How do you think that's going to play out?

Then you have roaming. At the moment Apple don't give a flying one about what network you use or whether you cross link to another one in an emergency, ie roam, or even if you do it accidentally because some cretin gave your phone to a 3 year old.. Exactly how long do you think that state of affairs will last when Apple manages to become its own mobile phone provider/network? Impartiality of networks on an iPhone will last about as long as a bus load of kittens stood in front of a Livens Long Gallery Flame Projector.

"You vant to be using anozzer netvork, Herr A.N. Other? Sehr gut, das ist fine - but you understand very must be charging you a premium, no?... "

And if *all* the kit is Apple brand (taking it to its dystopian conclusion) what's to stop them doing what they like? The British government - don't make me laugh - it'd take six months of slow single syllable explanations before they had an inkling of a concept of an understanding of the problem, and 2 years before they made a decision (which would probably be wrong). There is absolutely nothing that could be done if a supplier of the backhaul kit that was a majority or (if they were really dumb) sole supplier used their own product backdoor and locked everyone out. It's entirely possible - it's part of what scares the US witless (for a given value of "wit") about Huawei - the possibilities of subversion or hostile action.

Giving any company the ability to butt-rape you, your important infrastructure and your country's security is a baaaad idea. It just seems like no one read that particular memo. It's like everyone has decided that their hero is General Elphinstone & that an electronic version of the Fall of Kabul is a fantastic idea don't ya know.. Old chap..

To paraphrase

Let me say that when I talk of disasters I speak with authority. I saw Tony Blair, 9/11, the 2004 Tsunami & Lehmann Brothers. Name the biggest bunch of sociopathic bastards of the 21st century – Zuckerberg, Musk, Elop, Paltrow, Trump - I know of them all. Think of all the conceivable misfortunes that can arise from combinations of folly, cowardice and sheer bad luck, and I’ll give you chapter and verse. But I still state unhesitatingly that for pure, unvarnished greed, for superb ability to command incompetence, to sell to ignorance combined with bad judgment – in short, for the true talent for catastrophe – Steve Jobs stood alone. We will not, with luck, see his kind again.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: And jolly useful it is too....???

Yes it might be a 3GPP standard but do you remember how html etc was a standard until Microsoft got a hold of it with IE6, buggered about with it until it was a living hell & then everyone had to put up with it for years, ditto Java etc - and visual sodding basic (the NHSs raison'd'existence).

If Apple use this there will invariably be an Apple take on it, and the Apple using tech writers will then whine that Android or whoever else aren't confirming to the international standards, ie Apples, (as usual) and then it'll be let's all use Apple's implementation and right after that, when Steve Jobs IV puts his buttplug in on the wrong side one morning, it'll be - oh we're not going to license this for a reasonable price because a) profit and b) my haemorrhoids are killing me.

There is no way that fits within the rules of physics where Apple getting any leverage on backhaul kit, sims, esims and all the rest of the gubbins (thank you SAS) is going to be good for any customer. Apple has always had and will always have one interest. Apple. Hell, back in the days of G3 macs they flat out admitted they made their cases out of razor blades to make sure no "third parties" repaired them (for less than half the Apple rate) - I've got the scars and I got a job once on the basis of my predecessor accidentally opening his wrist on a beige Apple Mac case and ending up with nerve damage & a blood transfusion.

Jemma Silver badge

And jolly useful it is too....???

Are you nuts?

Seriously can I have some of whatever it is you've been dosing up with cos it looks like it leaves "special K" in the dust.

This is such a bad idea in general - for many reasons - not least limited to how you call out if the esim can't register properly (in the desert with a broken leg & intermittent signal, yer dead, mate, no worries), security (an esim will be much more easily hacked if it's incorporated into the OS), power usage and let's not forget complete and utter update borkage. Then there's the I paid for an update and I didn't get it... And soo soo many other potential issues.

And *then* you pipe up and say that you are happy for Apple to be in charge of this? And it'll be, and I quote, cheap?? Apple haven't done cheap since 1977 and they haven't done trustworthy *ever*. "oh, you're in the desert, have just played dare with a Massasauga rattlesnake and lost, and you want to call emergency services using our esim?? That'll be a 5000% markup or we'll block you from calling 911" (or whatever). Want 0345 numbers to be able to contact you through our esim (used by amongst others the NHS, ask me how I know) - that'll be the premium plan at £10 a minute.

It's a bloody bad idea in the first place - for many reasons.. But giving Apple the keys to the whole backhaul as well as handsets and the like is somewhat akin to aiming a PAK 88mm at your feet and doing what comes naturally.

I can almost see a Untergang parody about this... With the cute blonde secretary chick (Traudl Junge) leaning over to her mate and quietly saying "there's still Android..." cue another frothing rant...

'He must be stopped': Missouri candidate's children tell voters he's basically an asshat

Jemma Silver badge

So did Guy Burgess..

Need electric propulsion for your satellite? Want a 'made in Britain' sticker? Step right this way...

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Lucas, Prince of Darkness..

What could possibly go wrong?

I'm sure there's a few "flying plughole" badges floating around eBay.

iPhone XR guts reveal sizzle of the XS without the excessive price tag

Jemma Silver badge

Re: So basically....

Ah.. Memories. Like the school Atari ST music computer with the "tap on the top to reboot" function - whole lessons were wiled away doing that. And the lovable SPED kid who gave me the immense pleasure of Jane Appleby mysteriously sat on my lap (kind of fancied her) - it turned out he'd been playing the five knuckle shuffle for the *entire* music lesson - tackle out - and she'd slowly been inching to my end of the desk as her friend (sat next to retard boy) had been inching her way into Janes seat to get away from Captain Handjob..

Oddly enough no more "special needs" kids were ever taken.

That kid whacked off for almost an hour straight... One of the times I'm deeply glad humans aren't telepathic..

Jemma Silver badge

So basically....

This is the Apple version of Ford's ST-line cars. For those of you who don't know Ford do ST cars and ST-line cars. The ST stands, for most other drivers, for Suicidal Twat, because they're over powered, crappy handling and tend to catch fire. The ST-line is more Sad Twat, because they're the poor man's third rate VW Gti, they're advertised as being for poor people, and because they're not powerful enough to kill their owners outright before breeding age but they are powerful enough to make them drive like deranged idiots (no, Timothy, you do not drive a double roundabout like it's the Senna S's with your foot nailed to the floorboards, trust me on this, dear).

The sort of person who'll end up with the XR will be the Arnold Rimmer of the iPhone collective - hated by the normal people for being a smug pretentious iPhone wielding git - and hated by the rest of the iPhone collective for not spending £1500. The only sad thing is iPhones don't tend to kill owners - but I'm sure that can be added - perhaps a small dart with blue ring octopus venom - fired when the owner forgets their password 3 times consecutively..

We can but hope.

San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Remember when...

You of course forgot that part where the Brits opened up with rifle fire & LMG on unarmed women and children - and only didn't have a go with the Rolls Royce armoured car because they wouldn't fit down the alleyways and lanes leading into the area.

Or the part where there were beatings and torture.

Or the bit where the one country got split into two countries (mostly because of a Rotund alcoholic racist, whose currently living spawn is a chubby girl called Victoria) on the basis that if we can't have it, we'll fuck it up good and proper for everyone else..

Did I mention Hindu parents decapitating *their own daughters* because that was infinitely better than what the Muslim gangs would have done to them... Thank you so much Great Britain for winding it up to that point.

Being British is an embarrassment only exceeded by being an Inbredistani - and they only make it worse because but for us there wouldn't be a United States of Inbredistan to be an international laughing stock.

I'd just like 15 minutes with that Michelle Keegan girl and the real history of the British army - just to see the look on her airheaded face when she realises how much bollocks she's been spurting. Oh, you mean you didn't know we were dousing women and children in neat mustard gas from aircraft in the 1920s...? I hope fervently if one of the girls she conned into joining up gets maimed or killed the parents track her down and beat 7 kinds of crap out of her*.

*which will take a while because only 4 kinds of crap have so far been discovered.

As to the Redneckians of KY county. Do what you like, just for heavens sake do not share it with us. If we want to vicariously enjoy the antics of rabid toddlers we'll ask. I suggest you don't wait up.

Should a robo-car run over a kid or a grandad? Healthy or ill person? Let's get millions of folks to decide for AI...

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Final solution many years from now


Firstly - if someone is shoved in front of a vehicle, be it the 10:15 to Swansea or the Wolseley (when there is no chance of stopping in either case) then the correct procedure is - find the shove-er and ascertain whether it was accidental or deliberate and proceed from that point. The driver is not to blame if someone is shoved in front of a vehicle so close that there is zero time to react. If someone is out in the middle of the road in clear sight having been shoved there, and I have time to double declutch into third and boot it and *then* I hit them while still accelerating (for a given value of the term) *then* I deserve the "gorillas in the mist" reboot..

As to scenario two. If I am in charge of a 1300kg vehicle capable of 90+ mph - there is NO FUCKING WAY I am relinquishing control to a computer driving system that has difficulty recognising cyclists, pedestrians, fast moving trees and virtually every other possible road hazard. That goes double when it's a 450hp SUV. The law will never catch up with this, there's so many many ways to trick the system and so many edge scenarios. So that doesn't apply. If you are happy to abrogate the responsibility for the safety of your loved ones and others to a computer on UK roads (unless every single cars converted overnight) then happy leaving the gene pool day. I might not be perfect, but the human brain is the best device to control a car or road vehicle - especially when everything else coming towards you at 60mph on the wrong side of the road is controlled by other human brains.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Final solution many years from now

It isn't the oldies that are the problem - it's the generation snowflake cretins walking across the road engrossed in their phones who just walk out and assume that everyone has ABS, stability control etc - and their *#&+ing parents who disclaim all responsibility for their mindless fuckwittery and spend the rest of their miserable pointless lives campaigning for a 15mph speed limit which is less safe than a 60mph because you spend most of your time in 2nd staring at the speedo like a Passchendaele veteran at the wall - completely oblivious to tweenage fuckwit the second...

Personally I think Alec Issigonis had the right idea with my car (although it's technically hidden behind the front bumper) put a nice sharp cutter bar at mid shin height so if the gormless wazzock survives faceplanting the bonnet (and crotch planting a formed steel grille), won't be doing it again since their ankles will be somewhere around the area of the kidney exhaust box (approx the region just under the back seat) when you stop.. ADO17 for the win.. Ditto the gene pool.

They should restart the public information films like they did when I was a kid (a particularly nasty one starred my cars cousin, the Morris 1800). "This is your brain on Candy Crush... This is your brain on Audi Crush" with the teenage girls brain smeared 35ft up the asphalt like a cognitive burnout, in full 4K colour with a voice over by David Attenborough. It, and others, should be shown every morning assembly for a month and any parents who whine about little Conifer having night terrors should be put on a car accident clean up team.

Plus alcohol testing for pedestrians - a criminal offence of walking without due care & attention (or using an iPhone with intent(to be a fuckwit)).

And finally and most importantly.


As to what to hit in the next few years - anyone in the UK with US citizenship should be priorities for the cull. Some of them will have voted for Donnie Dickwit after all and I think international terrorism, international eco terrorism and a level of sociopathic misogynistic twattery that has to be ingrained at a genetic level should be weeded out of our population and gene pool.

Stroppy Google runs rings round Brussels with Android remedy

Jemma Silver badge

Re: UK needs the EU

The name is "Haber" not Harber, a misunderstanding of German pronunciation & bad spelling. As in Haber Process. And this guy got a Nobel (peace) prize for the way he managed to fix Nitrogen out of the atmosphere - which you *can* use to make fertiliser, but you can also use to make explosives.

The latter is one of the reasons why you DON'T build a two storey chemical depot & store the fertiliser on the ground floor... It can explode - and this would be bad. So many snowflakes doused in perfectly harmless glyphosate. Hell I've met an Irish guy who used to drink the concentrate as a joke... He's about 87 now and perfectly healthy but I digress.

Happily you just jogged my memory, little sub average cretin, and I can cite sources for Fritzy boy and his wife. Harris & Paxman (yes, that one) "A higher form of killing" again available on Kindle. Along with dropping mustard gas on native women & children (GB), using bio weapons (oh look, again GB, Japan and Russia).

And a word from the wise - if you don't know what you're talking about shut the f&&* up. I've been researching this particular subject for 20 years and I can guarantee you I know a lot more than you do. Most of which doesn't reflect well on *any* of the countries involved including the allies and sadly the Jews either (look up Jewish brigades, strychnine plot, kindertransporten and what happened to the sondercommando survivors). The actual reality of the whole story is much nastier - and much less clear cut than I was led to believe. GB government for example refused to toss-bomb the concentration camp fences (with mosquito FB series) to give some of the ambulatory survivors a chance, claiming not enough aircraft, two weeks after stopping building airframes & reducing crew training. US did the same. Why had they stopped production? Because they already had so many spare aircraft they didn't know where to put them all. They had plenty to spare for a quick punt at Auschwitz, ditto crews, fuel and munitions and they knew what was happening - they just couldn't be bothered.

Then there's the pre war Evian Conference - the basic upshot of which was a resounding "Fuck the Jews" by most of the rest of non Nazi Europe. About the only country, ironically, that didn't shit on them from a great height was Fascist Spain (mostly cos they'd already had their boot the Jews moment a few centuries before).

There, I hopefully taught you something.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: UK needs the EU

On capital punishment technically you're right. Anyone else in a non essential industry who played that game would be for the high jump & technically striking during war time was illegal.

However - everything ran on coal - and I do mean everything (if it ran on petrol it was converted to run on coal gas (except for the occasional spitfire)) . If they'd have started shooting coal miners the rest would have walked out and it would have been a very short war after that - something along the lines of about another 48hrs at best.

The government caved in leading to the "First Rule" of coal mining...

"We can always beat the government"

Which lasted for over 40 years & destroyed the industry. Don't assume we don't have coal reserves left, we've got plenty, shed loads in fact. You can even run car grade diesel engines off sub 65nm liquidised coal fuel - but why have bolshie coal miners when we can shove them in the north sea mining oil & gas and blow them up occasionally just to keep them on their toes..

Jemma Silver badge

Re: UK needs the EU

Corelli Barnett - Audit of War - read & inwardly digest. It's available on Kindle and is both highly interesting and bloody depressing. Cited for you.

PS Google doesn't know everything.

PPS Zyklon B, which you've probably heard of was discovered by a chappie by the name of Fritz Haber, a German jew, whose wife shot herself in protest at the work he was doing in chemical weapons. At which point he yelled up to his teenage son to clean up the mess & buggered off to his meeting.. Lovely chap. Interestingly enough until 15 years ago my dad used to sell it - under a different trademark - the active is hydrogen cyanide - a metabolic decoupler. DO NOT handle this chemical indoors - you won't have time to regret it.

You won't find this on Google either - this little nugget has been kept *extremely* quiet as it doesn't fit with the narrative - it must be at least 20MM in irony (mm - mega-morissettes).

If you want the truth, the Internet is not always your friend.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: UK needs the EU

You could be right on the Iron Windbag putting the boot into the unions - but then with Foot a KGB contact until 68 and Gorbachev funding the miners strike (or at least offering to) you can kind of see her point.


Industrial or for that matter any unrest can come back at any time - you just need the same situation to set it off - crappy wages, lack of jobs and lack of productivity was the basis of the 70s/80s strikes - and as for Red Robbo you can find one of him practically on every street - or a right wing version. If the multinationals pull out - 1978 will look like heaven by comparison...

I honestly don't care either way - but I do know we need a decision yesterday because companies are going to get sick of it and leave and they won't be coming back in a hurry.. If ever.

Jemma Silver badge

Re: UK needs the EU

We do. Look up the "screwy" strike for one example. Triumph "Innsbruck"

Or the one where a whole coal mine went on strike cos they didn't like the tea lady. In wartime no less.

That's what it was like in the UK in the historic times BE (Before EU).

and companies won't tolerate strikes like Stokes and Edwardes. They'll be out of the country before passport control sees them coming (I'm thinking Asterix, Obelix & a really big menhir dropped onto the booth in passing... or the Japanese management offering Toyota's UK management ceremonial Katana or Tanto as a "broad hint"...)

You may not like it but if you want a job in the UK any time in the next 20 years that doesn't involve shovelling grandparent poop and listening to interminable stories about "what I did before Abingdon MG shut down & my part in its downfall..." - I'd be begging to stay in; If only because it gives the sub average cretins who'd previously joined a Union as a professional shit stirrer, someone for them to aim their bile at

UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Inflation

And I now have the mental image of an 8 year old girl from Clacton blowing up rubbers like party balloons...

Thank you so very much for that...

Jemma Silver badge

Re: Eh?

As for something to print on the next batch - "For Whiners (tm)"

There, fixed it for you. Aren't I nice..

Jemma Silver badge

Wait a minute..

Why would ukip-eers be wanting condoms? Don't they need all the vulnerable young minds they can get hold of for indoctrination into the 5th Reich?*

"Give me a child until he is 7 years old and he will be mine for life". Not, you might be surprised to hear Jimmy Saville - but Machiavelli - and also the Godbotherers Collectives. It's harder to break beliefs, structures & mindsets taught in early life - than it is to break later ones.**

*The 4th being Dickwitian Inbredistan***.

** Which explains redneck fundamentalists - they're a mental age of 7 for life (all the inbreeding & Waltons Mountain University***)

*** thank you John Cadogan.

Cloud-slingers get 3-week extension to pitch for Pentagon's JEDI contract

Jemma Silver badge

"Use the Farce, Luke"

"Let go of your conscious thoughts & act on stupid..."

"Your overcapitalisation is your weakness..."

"Your faith in Crapita is yours..."

I could go on, but what's the point?

Outsourcing (whether meatbag or otherwise) is one of the few places where AI might actually be useful to rid end users of the joys of systems specced & installed by telephone sanitizers (on their night job). But sadly it'll be programmed by other telephone sanitizers (on their night job(because good coders are expensive, y'all)) - so it'll all even out in the end.. We'll still get crap, and they'll still get a 3000% markup.

US voting systems: Full of holes, loaded with pop music, and 'hacked' by an 11-year-old

Jemma Silver badge

Re: I heard that ...

The British government did too - but they got left on the 10:18 to Swansea... And haven't been seen since.

Does it depress any one else that despite the fact the uk is a dirty, garbage and pothole ridden*, conservative "voting" craphole - there are *still* worse places to live? It's the 21st century for heavens sake.

*My parents recently did a 4200 mile journey across Europe to Russia and back - didn't see a single pothole outside of the UK and saw more roadside rubbish in the journey between Harwich & Colchester than in the entire of Europe including Poland, Lithuania, Latvia & Russia itself.

PS : Getting a visa for Russia is *the* most deranged process on the planet. Think you're worried about Google snooping. They want the numbers and details of your kids and grandkids passports - even if they're not going and every single country you've ever even *driven* through or flown over..

Jemma Silver badge

In other news

The kid called Emmet was later identified on CCTV buying parts for a 1982 Delorean DMC12...

Does it really matter anyway? The Russians are running the elections as it is, and I'm sure ole Vladimir would look great in Zeyd cloth.. The Drunk Lord of the Sith.

Arguably the US is a failed state as it is, eco terrorist, arguably terrorist terrorist (what do you call invading Iraq after 9/11?, there was no way Saddam was involved, he hated the Islamic fundies more than the Americans did/do), run by the most dangerous idiot since Caligula retired and full of buck toothed retards who think cancer/hiv/sti's (and practically every other illness) is divine retribution for homosexuality and voting democrat.

EARLY CUYLER FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (oh wait, that happened...)

The off-brand 'military-grade' x86 processors, in the library, with the root-granting 'backdoor'

Jemma Silver badge


I thought you just typed 'iddqd' for God mode..

Space, the final Trump-tier: America to beam up $8bn for Space Force

Jemma Silver badge


The first successful launch of a rocket into space was the first successful test launch of the A-4 rocket by a lovely chap by the name of Wernher Von Braun - specifically Sturmbannfuhrer von Braun under the auspices of Hitlers government. Ill educated Americans will probably better recognise it as the V-2. It was quite an advanced device when it worked - and there was a two stage version being prototyped at the end of the war.

It didn't go into orbit, despite just about being capable, but it *did* get into space and then continued on a ballistic course to make a relatively big hole somewhere unrecorded.

It really pisses me off when Americans claim first in everything - when they're usually a decade behind. A good example is the Wrights - they DID NOT make the first powered flight - they even admitted it in COURT. But we can't have a German American doing it can we? White (anglicised from "Weiss") built his own plane and engine from scratch - almost singlehandedly pioneering aero engine design and using oxy acetylene mixture for fuel flew first. On top of that he pioneered V engines in aircraft, coupled ignition (two plugs per cylinder, later fired by separate circuits), built up a company building universally respected aero engines in both petrol & acetylene types (including an early form of direct injection if I remember) - and no one has heard of him. It's two twerps in a wing warped deathtrap that even modern ace pilots *and* computer autopilots can't make fly at all, let alone remotely safely.

Please do the world a favour and do your research first - either that or keep your mouth shut - lest your boot inexplicably ends up massaging your kidneys; from the inside. I *hate* ill educated idiots.

Jemma Silver badge

I said it before, and hoped I'd never have to say it again..

Does it not worry other people that if aliens do choose to visit this backend of the galaxy - that they are even more likely to meet Donnie Dickwit as the representative of the entire earth?

What are they going to use? Reconditioned space shuttles with go faster stripes and nuclear tipped sidewinders?

Heaven forfend one of the alien commanders decides to defect.. You can just imagine *that* conversation.

Captain: "Hjilub isn't the worry, neither is the entire navy. I know their tactics, I have the advantage. No, the problem is the Americans - we meet the right sort, this will work. We get some buckaroo...

XO: "So basically sir, we're fscked..."

Captain: "We're fscked"

Honestly - could the Dickwit Whitehouse get any stupider? I'm expecting the "rubber rings and armbands initiative" for sea mammals any minute now (they might get tired and they can't breathe under water..)

And honourable mention to Inner Space and another classic..

Trump: "The Donnie Dickwit machine, zero defects..."

Everyone else: "Oh shit, there goes the planet..."


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