* Posts by Morrie Wyatt

127 posts • joined 14 Oct 2008

Page:

It looks like you want a storage appliance for your data centre. Maybe you'd prefer a smart card reader?

Morrie Wyatt
Flame

Typical.

More of the wonderful results from the SEO industry.

Stuff in sufficient keywords and anything you didn't want, with little or no relevance can be pushed to the top of the garbage pile.

Britain has no idea how close it came to ATMs flooding the streets with free money thanks to some crap code, 1970s style

Morrie Wyatt
Trollface

Re: Uh ho ...

This one's old enough that it's hardware rather than software testing.

Vinten Communications used to make the radio equipment used by the Victorian Police and other emergency services.

This was back in the days of valves and dangerously high voltages.

They had one wiresman in particular who was absolutely meticulous in his work. Every wire of a particular colour entering one end of the loom would exit at precisely the same position with respect to all of its neighbors. This greatly simplified fault finding. (Debugging wasn't yet a part of the common vernacular.) As such, he was the go to person for all new prototypes.

On day however, a new product was put on the test bench for it's first power on. Unbeknown to the wiresman, his colleagues had got there first.

The prototype was duly turned on, and they watched the blood drain from the poor wiresman's face, as smoke started wafting out of the case.

One worker was hidden away out of sight, and a string of waxed paper drinking straws had been run to an inconspicuous location on the unit under test.

The hidden worker was blowing cigarette smoke through the straws.

However one of the observers broke up laughing, and the ruse was revealed, much to the relief and annoyance of the poor wiresman. The device itself worked flawlessly.

Patently dogged: Apple unleashes lawyers to slash $454m patent rip-off bill – even after Supreme Court snub

Morrie Wyatt
Megaphone

I wonder.

At what point does Apple get declared as a vexatious litigant?

The icon? It's as good an icon for litigation as any, each party screaming to the judge how badly they have been done by.

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

Morrie Wyatt
Linux

Obvious really.

If you want to survive a career in IT

Avoid Windows.

Surprised nobody mentioned it earlier.

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

Morrie Wyatt

Re: the ozone smell

Indeed. All that was missing was the accompanying KZERT as the sedation was administered.

Damn. No lightning bolt or LART icon when you need one.

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

Hairdressers.

Well they were after all on the "B" ark.

Ancient Ore Crusher or KillBot 2000? NASA gets ready to pick a name for its Mars 2020 Rover

Morrie Wyatt
Terminator

If the El Reg is anything to go by.

Jeph Jaques seems to have an appropriate character to name it after.

https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=3900

Train-knackering software design blunder discovered after lightning sparked Thameslink megadelay

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

With penalties like that

You certainly wouldn't want it happening with any frequency.

Google security engineer says she was fired for daring to remind Googlers they do indeed have labor rights

Morrie Wyatt
Trollface

Popup notifications?

Google do that to us all the time. They call it Advertising.

Boffins harnessed the brain power of mice to build AI models that can't be fooled

Morrie Wyatt

Re: Douglas Adams was right all along then...

An unbeatable post?

Maybe not.

Not if you are pondering what I am pondering.

"One is a genius, the other's insane." NARF!

Holy smokes! Ex-IT admin gets two years prison for trashing Army chaplains' servers

Morrie Wyatt
Devil

He should have known

That he didn't stand a prayer of getting away with it.

Naming your company 101: Probably best not to have the word 'Oracle' anywhere near branding

Morrie Wyatt
Joke

Re: Unopposed

Nah. Nothing like Nike.

"Klaatu... verata... Nik 2"

(I'm the one with the saw arm covered in Ash.)

I'm just not sure the computer works here – the energy is all wrong

Morrie Wyatt
Boffin

Re: WHAT? Mythbusters

Radios before transistors were valve radios (thermionic valve radios to be more precise). They used a vibrator (no, not that kind) where a solenoid would open the contacts supplying power to its own coil. (A bit like an automotive turn signal flasher can on crystal meth.) The resulting intermittent power would provide pseudo AC power to step-up transformers to generate the necessary high voltages to run the valves. There were no transistors in those radios. Triodes and Pentodes, not transistors.

(The inverter circuitry sometimes had its own box, hidden in the engine bay to keep noise (electrical and acoustic) well away from the radio itself.)

There were portable (a loosely defined term at best) that ran on valves, powered usually from lantern sized dry cell batteries.

Then came the transistor, allowing a radio that was much smaller and ran on far safer voltages.

"Or what did you think they used before silicon?"

Germanium. (Well you did ask.)

Germanium transistors were what you usually found in early transistor radios. Silicon transistors came along later.

China on its way to becoming the first nation to land on the far side of the Moon

Morrie Wyatt
Black Helicopters

And of course

They will need to beware of those steampunk Nazis.

Brit boffins build 'quantum compass'... say goodbye to those old GPS gizmos, possibly

Morrie Wyatt

Re: Had to be said.

Why?

What makes you think it's restricted to the UK?

As I'm not British either, I felt it best to be carefully non-specific.

Examples:

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/28/malawi_legislation/

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2018/09/19/oz_anticrypto_legislation/

And just about anything to do with Donald Trump.

It seems to be endemic to the breed anywhere around the world.

(I'm an equal opportunity cynic.)

Morrie Wyatt
Trollface

Had to be said.

"A phone's GPS accurate to roughly 15 feet, although military GPS devices can be accurate to centimeters. Then there is the fact that tall buildings will often throw a signal off and signals can be impaired by any large, dense object."

So GPS doesn't work for politicians then.

Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

Morrie Wyatt
Joke

Re: ED-209

"A few years back I was working for Scotrail, well not them, but as a sub contractor to the contractor contracted to the contractor with the contract for Scotrail."

Lone Star, is that you?

The Schwartz be with you.

Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Hooray: Google App Engine finally ready for Python 3 (and PHP 7.2)

Morrie Wyatt
Facepalm

Pratchett mode enabled

Is that anything like Bilious, the OG of hangovers?

You wanna be an alpha... tester of The Register's redesign? Step this way

Morrie Wyatt
Angel

Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem

Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

Astronaut took camera on spacewalk, but forgot SD memory card

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

I'm probably going to hate myself.

Andrew, it's only a bloody GoPro. Hardly rocket science.

Sorry. had to be said.

US Congress mulls expanding copyright yet again – to 144 years

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

144 years?

That would be a gross over extension of copyright.

Admin needed server fast, skipped factory config … then bricked it

Morrie Wyatt
Flame

And in a similar vein

My father used to work for the now defunct "Vinten Communications".

They had one "wiresman" who was absolutely meticulous in his wiring. If a wire entered a loom at a particular location, you could be certain it would come out at exactly the same location at the other end of the loom.

So this fellow was always assigned the new prototypes, as his attention to detail made any necessary troubleshooting of the new prototype so much easier.

One day after he had finished assembly of one such prototype unit, the staff gathered around to watch it fire up for the first time.

The power was switched on, and after a few moments smoke started wafting out of the prototype.

The wiresman's face slowly turned white as the smoke billowed forth.

Unbeknownst to him, the staff had hidden some paper drinking straws taped end-to end into the back of the unit, with one of the staff hidden away at the far end of these straws, blowing cigarette smoke down the straw. Fortunately for the poor wiresman, one of the observers couldn't hold a straight face for too long, exposing the practical joke as everyone cracked up laughing.

Strangely enough the poor wiresman was not amused.

So Douglas Adams was right, even before he wrote that "what they really couldn't stand was a smartarse."

Icon? Well where there's smoke...

April FAIL as IETF's funny-but-dodgy draft doc arrives a week early

Morrie Wyatt

Re: Trollptical illusion

Or a Piecemaker perhaps?

(The Rincewind shaped blur went thataway! -->)

Due to Oracle being Oracle, Eclipse holds poll to rename Java EE (No, it won't be Java McJava Face)

Morrie Wyatt
Mushroom

Isn't it obvious?

Krakatoa

East of Java. (It's actually west, but never let the truth get in the way of a catchy title.)

Biker nerfed by robo Chevy in San Francisco now lobs sueball at GM

Morrie Wyatt

Re: I think the cyclist is at fault#2

Or to paraphrase the way my father put it when I first started learning to drive:

Drive with the presumption that every other road user is an idiot.

'The capacitors exploded, showering the lab in flaming confetti'

Morrie Wyatt
FAIL

Large bipolar electrolytic capacitors are always fun.

Back in the late 70s, I was a young apprentice.

The company I worked for also imported cheap Taiwanese bench grinders.

One of these had been returned under warranty, so was on the department manager's bench with the base off to check the wiring. When nothing obvious presented itself the switch was turned on and we retreated to the office doorway. These grinders used a large capacitor and a centrifugal switch to energize the motor start winding with the resulting L/C circuit providing a phase shift to ensure the motor started in the right direction. The grinder started up and seemed to be running normally, until with a loud bang, the capacitor blew its lid, (through the small covered pressure relief hole in the end of the cap) blasting a jet of evil smelling vapor directly at all standing in the doorway.

We at least now knew what the fault was. The centrifugal switch "didn't", leaving the start winding connected. The start winding and capacitor weren't designed to run for more than about 10 seconds, so the capacitor overheated, boiling the electrolyte until the weak point cried uncle.

The office became almost uninhabitable for days, and took many months before the smell finally faded to barely perceptible levels.

I still work for the same company some 40 odd years later.

China's first space station to – ahem – de-orbit in late March

Morrie Wyatt
Mushroom

Jeph Jacques beat them to it.

" Next Amazon delivery setup, orbital warehouses dropping capsules with whatever you ordered.

The step after that, they drop meals which cook using the heat of re-entry."

http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=3046

(Start at 3042 for the back story. Or better still, start at 1 for the full experience.)

Of course Uber allegedly had a tool to remotely destroy evidence

Morrie Wyatt
Mushroom

Equally apropos

While the "Nuke it from orbit" reference was obvious, (see icon) there's also the older choice that fits nearly as well.

Fire up Ripley and leave the jury to: "Believe it or not."

Hitchcock cameo steals opening of Oracle v Google Java spat

Morrie Wyatt
Flame

C++ --

When you take into account that Sun originally touted Java as being "C++ --" it was built directly upon the syntax and power of C++ (and C before it), but added on garbage collection to mitigate memory leaks, (their reasoning behind the --) Java can't really stand on the high ground of "Original Code".

It is (allegedly) a progression from the work of those that came before.

Now when Google created their own runtime engine, that used the same basic Java code syntax and function naming conventions, with the explicit blessings of Sun, later bought by Oracle, Oracle now choose to cry foul?

The mobile JRE produced by Sun / Oracle had many inclusions that had absolutely no use in the Android marketplace, but Oracle demanded that to use Java in the mobile space mandated the use of their Mobile JRE (with ongoing royalties), so Google chose to develop their own runtime engine, Dalvik, which they specifically do not call a JRE as it doesn't implement the full Java specification, or claim to be a Java engine.

Now Oracle claim that because it uses Java like syntax and naming (C++ -- anyone?) that Google is infringing upon their copyright.

Neither Pot or Kettle are without their optical spectrum absorption properties here, but Oracle's greed on this one would move all programming back into the dark ages, as nobody could program anything without fear of being sued for copyright infringement because multiplication and division get called from the "Math" library, and user the characters * and / respectively. (Clearly infringing upon the API copyright rather than just being a sensible aggregation of like processes with a logically descriptive library name. That is basically what Oracle are arguing.)

And don't get me started on software patents!

(I sincerely miss the wonderful work of Pamela Jones and Groklaw on topics such as this.)

Your next laptop will feature 'CMF' technology

Morrie Wyatt
Facepalm

And for the older Aussies among you:

Diana Fisher would be pleased.

"What colours does it come in?"

Jeff Bezos fires off a blue dart, singes Elon Musk and SpaceX

Morrie Wyatt
Flame

You have to admit.

It'll make for one hell of a delivery drone!

The bigger the drone, the bigger the impact

Morrie Wyatt
Black Helicopters

A drone that can carry 150 Kg of passenger can:

also fall with a hell of a thud, when (not if) the rotors suddenly stop spinning due to any number of possible causes. Even with some sort of "Dead Man" chute arrangement, you still have a heavy payload that is guaranteed to obey the law of gravity, ending up:

(a) stuck on a roof,

(b) in a tree,

(c) on a busy freeway,

(d) all of the above.

Pretty well anywhere other than the intended destination.

And you can bet that the lawyers will be on standby when it does.

And as the ability to hover at the intended destination will be an indispensable requirement, two or more spinning rotors are guaranteed to be present, ready to slice and dice their way through any (in)convenient obstacle(s).

Sysadmin bloodied by icicle that overheated airport data centre

Morrie Wyatt
Trollface

Re: a septic tank is small

Or alternatively, the "USPTO".

Or maybe not. After all, a cesspit is designed to hold the shit, not issue it (with its mandatory collection of pluralities and overly broad vague hand waving about generic ideas) for the patent lawyers and NPEs to feed upon.

NASA tells Curiosity: Quit showing off, no 'wheelies' please

Morrie Wyatt
Alien

Re: This is amazing. I doubt "Wheel wear" was even considered give their original life expectancy

Mandatory XKCD reference: https://xkcd.com/1504

Donald Trumped: Comey says Prez is a liar – and admits he's a leaker

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

Puzzled.

"Senator King asked him if he was familiar with Henry II's 'Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?' comment"

I wonder why he asked that?

After all, Comey is not the Archbishop of Canterbury.

(Mine's the one with the Blackadder DVD in the pocket.)

Germany, France lobby hard for terror-busting encryption backdoors – Europe seems to agree

Morrie Wyatt
Black Helicopters

Hah!

And all this from the self-same countries that screamed blue murder over data sovereignty and "Safe harbor" because their citizens privacy might be impacted.

Now we know why. This way they might be able to keep all the data where their backdoored encryption keys can be used to get at it.

What? Me cynical?

Police drones, robo surgeons and chatbot civil servants. What could go wrong?

Morrie Wyatt
Black Helicopters

Re: I for one welcome our flying cop overlords!

And I was watching James Cameron's Dark Angel the other day too.

BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

Morrie Wyatt
Go

Go you one better.

My son dealt with cold callers by passing the phone over to my two year old grandson, and let them talk as long as they liked.

Strangely enough, they didn't seem to stay on the line for too long.

Oracle to driver developers: 'Come play with our interface'

Morrie Wyatt
Pirate

Tread carefully.

Given Oracle's history with the Java and the Google lawsuit, would you want to walk into that particular minefield?

Microsoft flips Google the bird after Windows kernel bug blurt

Morrie Wyatt
Holmes

Microsoft flipping Google the bird?

Why not, with Windows Vista, 8, 8.1 and 10 they have done precisely this to their <cough> Customers.

Why would they treat Google any differently?

Oracle confirms Java EE 8 is delayed for 'major enhancements'

Morrie Wyatt
Trollface

Fair enough.

After all, it must take quite a bit of time for Oracle to code all of the bugs in.

SpaceX's used flight-proven rocket to loft Euro satellite this year

Morrie Wyatt
Go

Flight Proven

So the launch should be a guaranteed success then.

There's enough spin in that phraseology that they can use it as a backup gyro.

Genes take a shot at rebooting after death

Morrie Wyatt
Angel

You have to wonder

Do these genes speak in small caps, and ride a horse named Binky?

Apple, AT&T, Verizon named in $7bn VoIP patent claim

Morrie Wyatt
Coat

Re: "Not a troll"

But they are only after a poultry seven billion!

They do indeed look fowl.

Zombie SCO rises from the grave again

Morrie Wyatt
Devil

Follow the Australian example.

Considering the history and expense already involved in this case:

Require TSCOG to deposit a security bond with the court before proceeding with the appeal process.

Enough to cover court costs, and the total value of IBM's counterclaims (with triple damages of course) in the event that TSCOG lose on appeal.

I'm sure that the Court can set the bond at a suitable value.

And if TSCOG do win anything on appeal, the bond is to be distributed among TSCOG's outstanding bankruptcy creditors. (Along with a very serious slapping for not having used this money for paying outstanding creditors in the first place.)

If you can't afford to lose, don't play.

(Cheques, Credit Cards, Promissory Notes, TSCOG Stock Certificates, IOU's and lotto tickets not accepted. Strictly cash or equivalents.)

Failed school intranet project spent AU$1.4m on launch party before crashing and burning

Morrie Wyatt
Pint

Re: Australian as she is spoke

Nah, more like to to the bottom of the esky.

Now the grog's all gone and everybody's pissed!

How to build a starship - and why we should start thinking about it now

Morrie Wyatt
Mushroom

I suppose we should.

Make the effort to check out the local planning office at Alpha Centauri just to make sure no hyperspace bypasses are on display.

Beware of the leopard!

Icon? The power to get there, and the result of the demolition of Earth to make way for the bypass of course.

The ball's in your court, Bezos: Falcon 9 lands after launching satellites

Morrie Wyatt
Mushroom

Returned to Earth

By which I presume you actually mean landed on "Of course I still love you" somewhere out at sea?

Which makes the landing all the more impressive.

Congratulations to Elon and his crew.

(The icon? Not This Time at least.)

The fire was pointing in the correct direction so it did go to space today.

BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?

Morrie Wyatt
Boffin

Sorry, must have missed it.

After that process description, the boss's eyes must have been fully glazed over, his brains dribbling from his ears, and drooling like a komodo dragon with a head cold.

And it didn't get a mention.

'Death star' reaches out invisible hand, rips planet apart

Morrie Wyatt
Alert

Did the "B-Ark" get it right?

Sure it's not Golgafrincham?

After all, the entire compliment of the "B-Ark" was reliably informed that it was doomed.

Page:

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR WEEKLY TECH NEWSLETTER

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020