* Posts by Jimmy Floyd

545 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Oct 2008

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Imminent launch for mobile Firefox

Jimmy Floyd

Ah, "Fennec"

I was about to ask why they didn't call it 'FlamePup' or something like that, but apparently the Fennec fox is the smallest of the species (or so says Wikipedia). So now you know.

Government lets CCTV watchdog off the leash

Jimmy Floyd
Grenade

Probably toothless

"It is … important that we address public concern..."

Which can mean either fix the problem the public is concerned about, or appoint someone to 'educate' said proletariat. I fear it will be the latter. After all, is there any government-appointed watchdog who would actually have the explicit or political powers to denounce government policy?

Quarter of France Telecom staff 'psychologically vulnerable'

Jimmy Floyd
Linux

Fish

I'd wager that another quarter of France Telecom's workforce are psychologically disturbed. How do I know? Because soon after buying Orange, someone at FT thought it would be a good idea to name mobile phone contracts after wild animals.

Existentialism = fish = 600 inclusive minutes.

US Congress earmarks $30m for anti-piracy fight

Jimmy Floyd

I have a question

When did the US government beginning the habit of naming Acts of Congress with clever-but-misleading acronyms?

Exhibit A: The PATRIOT Act.

Gov slams critical database report as opaque, flawed, inaccurate

Jimmy Floyd
Big Brother

Sir Humphrey Appleby

I'm reminded of "Yes, Minister" and how to deal with unwelcome reports:

"Stage Two: Discredit the evidence you are not publishing, saying

1. It leaves important questions unanswered.

2. Much of the evidence is inconclusive.

3. The figures are open to other interpretations.

4. Certain findings are contradictory.

5. Some of the main conclusions have been questioned. (If they haven't, question them yourself; then they have)."

Textbook stuff.

Durham police demonstrate DNA will stuff you

Jimmy Floyd
Big Brother

Consequences

I don't think the issue is being invited back to the station or even arrested on suspicion. If I get caught with a few grams of white powder I'd almost expect it!

However, once the chemical has been tested, found NOT to be a controlled substance and I'm sent on my way, I expect there to be no further consequences. Full stop. End of. No grey areas.

Darling upsets almost everyone

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Down

Lex

As the FT's Lex put it today: "...essentially there was no change to the UK's huge forecast budget deficit which remains ... 'an attempt to ring fence a black-hole.'"

You'll pay, but not until after election day.

2009's Top Win Mo Smartphones

Jimmy Floyd

Missing the point

A "normal" phone user doesn't buy any of the above. A normal phone user buys a mobile, not a smartphone.

Nokia might end up dead in the computer-in-your-pocket arena but its range of mass-market phones that make calls and send text messages (shock!) means that Nokia's demise very much depends on your a point of view...

UK air traffic control goes after Wikileaks

Jimmy Floyd

"often?"

"Wikileaks does not often obey..."

Implying it does sometimes?

Darling promises IT cuts, years of pain

Jimmy Floyd

Debt

Or, indeed, the billions that Joe Public are in debt - loans, mortgages and credit cards. Why should we blame the government for being rubbish with money when we the people are no better?

Err, hang on - that sounds dangerously close to defending NuLab. So let's remember that Gordon had created a massive national debt even before all this kicked off. But since there wasn't boom, there was no point planning for the bust, eh Brownie?

'Friends with Benefits' sex does no psych harm - profs

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Missing out

I reckon the only people who will feel "empty and dead inside" will be those who waited many years for The One only to find out that he / she was crap in bed, which even without comparisons will lead to the question "Is That It?" and the regret of aforementioned sexual policy.

Overstock's Byrne claims $5m scalp over short selling

Jimmy Floyd
Boffin

Counterparty

People who think the price will go up. In any stock-market trade it's a transaction between the buyer (who is looking for the price to rise) and the seller (who thinks it will fall, or at least not go any higher).

Naked shorting is so dangerous because it allows one to flood the market with an unnaturally large number of 'sell' orders, which depresses the price excessively. I'm a staunch defender of normal shorting (where one borrows a stock to sell, with the expectation of buying it back at a lower price), because it can act as a depressant on an overheated market, but in that case the effects of it are limited by the number of shares available.

RatemyCouncil site launches, falls over

Jimmy Floyd
WTF?

Point?

Apart from the usual New Labour trick of throwing money in the air to keep an economy going (while calling it "Gordon's Economic Miracle"), what's the point of this? Am I expected to move to an area who happens to possess fewer whingers than my own, all in the name of false market forces.

US told to keep its beak out of European decisions

Jimmy Floyd
Stop

Childish...

...very childish.

"interfering in someone else's decisions rather than taking the most important decision that you have control over: improving health care."

Which could, if the US took notice of her words, could be taken as inferring in their affairs. Quite what health has to do with a business merger is anyone's guess.

Android 2.0: what to expect

Jimmy Floyd

E-mail?

How are the IMAP capabilities looking on the new e-mail package? The Hero / G2 Touch is a lovely device but Android's standard mail package is a complete dog if you filter your e-mail into folders at the server end.

Apple kicks prolific developer out of iTunes shop

Jimmy Floyd
Jobs Halo

Obviously

"...or offering any opportunity for appeal."

How dare you question the judgement of The Steve! Appeals would only be necessary if the possibility existed that He might be slightly less than consistently correct, which is a ludicrous notion.

Resistance is futile.

FIA to oversee first e-car 'grand prix' series

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Up

Good luck to 'em

I use to race 100cc karts, and about 10 years ago the first electric models started to appear at circuits - pretty much solely as demonstrations.

They never caught on, mainly because the additional weight of the batteries made cornering horrible. That said, batteries on cars are likely to make up proportionally less of the mass of the vehicle. Now that electric / hybrids are common on the roads it makes sense to go racing them.

Don't hold your breath for a Formula 1 e-car though. You'll get Jeremy Clarkson standing as a Communist MP before you convert petrolheads to lithium-ion. For a start, they just don't make a very exciting noise...

Lord Carlile: Police are taking the proverbial on terror

Jimmy Floyd
Big Brother

Ah, for Dixon of Dock Green

Right idea; not sure about the sentiment.

If the generally-law-abided public can trust the police not to take the piss then they will be far more tolerant when the odd bobby goes OTT. If, on the other hand, it appears the problem is institutionalised then senior police are quite sensible in fearing a less co-operative public as a result.

I seem to remember a time - pre 9/11 & 7/7 - when I did trust the police and would happily have indulged Plod if he wanted "a little chat" because I would have felt he was motivated by that fuzzy principle 'The Right Thing.' Now that isn't the case, because the police have had dictat upon dictat from central government to look like they're dealing with terrorists, so it's hardly surprising that they actually follow them.

After 7/7 Tony Blair said that "we will not let terrorists change our way of live." No Tony, we won't. We've had New Labour to do that instead...

MPs to go clubbing in cocaine inquiry

Jimmy Floyd
Happy

Eh?

"What struck me was that the young people seemed very happy to go through the scanners and that they wanted a night free of the problems you get with drugs"

Or possibly a night free from the problems you get with knives and guns, because unless they've created magic new scanners that pick up on illegal substances I'd bet the kids were more than happy to go through them.

Smiley face, because ACIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!! (though, thinking about it, more than one of El Reg's icons could be used as a logo for a drug!)

Taliban attack Brit troops with explosive donkey

Jimmy Floyd

Donkey heaven

The problem with employing suicide bombers is, presumably, running out of them eventually. Hence the donkey.

But, thinking back to The Onion's headline after 9/11, pity the poor donkey who - even if it had been successful - would have found itself in heaven without being surrounded by a number of virgins. Donkey virgins, presumably.

Crooks 'too lazy' for crypto

Jimmy Floyd

And another thing

It's just occurred to me (another piece of) the lunacy known as RIPA. This was brought in the fight against communism ... sorry, terrorism.

So Mr. Terrorist has all the plans for their deadly attack on a USB stick. Plod tells them to give up the password or they'll be put in jail.

"OK," says Mr. Terrorist. "Here you go."

Shall we call that Possibility Z?

Has your iPhone been involved in an accident?

Jimmy Floyd
Joke

Careful now

I'd have been a little wary about "sneaking out for a fag" too, at least using the American interpretation!

2009's Top Android Smartphones

Jimmy Floyd
Linux

Flan? Éclair? Mmm, lunch.

There is also the persistent rumour that Android 2.0 (or even 2.1, if you believe some blogs) will land on the Hero very soon. I wonder if a re-review might be appropriate at that juncture...?

Penguin, because I've wanted a Linux phone since 2002 (and, thanks to the Hero, now have one!).

Hackintosher Psystar to pay Apple $2.7m in settlement

Jimmy Floyd

@raving angry loony

"...something smells really REALLY bad here."

Not really. If you'd gone hunting for investment money for your start-up with the pitch that you'll allow people to build computers with the usability of a Mac but the price of Windows, I reckon you'd have got a nice pile o' cash to start with (though I appreciate your implication of exactly WHO the investors were).

I would have liked to see Apple lose this, for the single reason that if Apple had been forced to design OSX for multiple vendors' machines then it would have been in the same boat as Microsoft's Windows and, I would suggest, lose a lot of the selling point of a Mac. It's a damn sight easier to build a stable OS for just one type of computer...

Porn app targets your Android

Jimmy Floyd
Jobs Horns

@AC 08:06

...but at least Googlephone users don't have to ask Great Steve's permission to wank.

Gov targets boozers as Manc ID card scheme launches

Jimmy Floyd
Boffin

What are the odds of that

Depending on the definition of 'Manchester' (bear with me), that's 1,300 people who want an ID card out of a population of or 450,000 (the city) or 2.25m (Greater Manchester). 2.9% or 0.6% respectively.

Just out of interest I wonder what percentage of the population are into self-flagellation, sado-masochism or sacrificing goats to the spirit of Tony Blair? I pick those activities purely at random, you understand.

LHC smashes Tevatron record: Humanity enters the unknown

Jimmy Floyd
Joke

Ice? Very 20th century.

"...I’m keeping my champagne on ice...."

Liquid helium, shurely?

Splinter Cell hack smells more like publicity stunt

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Down

Doh!

Pity the poor website sysadmin, who is being publicly humiliated for operating weak security measures while doing nothing of the sort.

TomTom iPhone Car Kit

Jimmy Floyd

Fair price

If you're an Apple customer you're used to paying over the odds for otherwise standard products anyway. I think the target cost here is probably quite a savvy decision by the manufacturers.

iFarter begs Apple for rational App Store

Jimmy Floyd
Jobs Horns

Bag o' shite

Apple is perhaps, belatedly, attempting to keep the iPhone as a premium product and not have it associated with shite (horse / bolt / stable door). That may be acceptable, but they need simply to say that.

What confuses me about many applications (including ones on Android and - probably - Windows Mobile), is that many of them charge for information that is presented at least as well if not better through a browser. Just add a bookmark, people!

Microsoft hit with lawsuit over Xbox memory card ban

Jimmy Floyd

Defective By Design?

I hope they win, although I wonder how this would sit with the mod-chip ban / upcoming court case? In both cases, although piracy did not *necessarily* occur, Microsoft decreed that they didn't like what was connected to their box.

Of course, the Xbox has USB ports so could quite easily accept memory sticks for data storage. But where would be the fun in that...?

Yank objects to Reg cherry-popping headline

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Seaman Staines? Roger the Cabin Boy?

Don't be too hard on the poor Septic. He probably didn't grow up with such childhood smut-fests as Captain Pugwash, and therefore doesn't fully comprehend how it is possible to be filthy yet respectable at the same time.

Incidentally, I didn't find out what popping / taking a cherry meant until I was 18. But then I lead a sheltered life ... sheltered behind a ZX Spectrum and a Commodore Amiga, at any rate.

Paris, because I thought that was a city too...

Queen promises to make poverty and budget deficits illegal

Jimmy Floyd
Megaphone

Poor Liz

Normally, it's a bit of an historic oddity having the monarch describing politicians' desires for the coming year. This time, it's almost offensive having the poor woman acting as Brown's grubby little mouthpiece while the government writhes around in its death-throes.

Anyone who doubts the dignity of the Queen must consider how capable they would be of reading the speech without dropping in a little "yeah, right!" or "as if!" under their breath.

T-Mobile coughs to data theft

Jimmy Floyd

Impersionation

"...it's clear that the ICO has manipulated this case into a cause celebre with impact far beyond its real importance."

Maybe, but then we go back to those arseholes who were wont to phone up from <insert phone company here> Upgrade Service, conveniently separate from <phone company>. People who aren't entirely on the ball (which nearly included me) could easily be taken in by a weaker contract and poor quality phone, if they thought it came from the network.

In my case, the fact that they were pretending to phone up from Orange when I left them years before was kind of a giveaway.

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Jimmy Floyd

Don't blame Microsoft...

...blame the fuckwits who will actually buy into that effusive marketing crap.

OK, DO blame Microsoft - but I'm just trying a different tack to the howling pack.

Hacktivists ransack Hitler defender's email

Jimmy Floyd

@Sean Timarco Baggaley

There's nothing about a Constitutional Monarchy that prevents it being a democracy. God help us if we adopt a pointless, written constitution that becomes out-of-date within a few decades and does nothing to aide democracy and everything to pad lawyers pockets.

I'm fully behind everything else you said though.

Sky talks up subscription 3D merits

Jimmy Floyd
Flame

@AC 12:18

"Would be interesting to see how many people are going back to free view..."

As it happens, me. My flatmates insisted but as I'm moving out I can now get rid. Having just checked out the Sky player on Xbox 360 (and the ridiculous cost therein) I'm now more convinced than ever that Sky market their product to stupid people.

Offended? If you have Sky, you pay to watch adverts. Genius Sky, stupid customers.

Oxford American Dictionary dubs 'unfriend' Word of the Year

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Down

Eh?

Surely, to make it into that dictionary (even an American one) a word must actually be in common parlance? I've heard of about half of those.

Windows Mobe Marketplace sets its stall out

Jimmy Floyd
FAIL

Oh dear

As someone about to desert Windows Mobile for Android, it's clear that Microsoft just don't get it. The two obvious flaws here:

1) Money. What's the point of it costing more (both for users and developers) then getting it off the web? The average WM user is, I would suggest, more tech-savvy than the equivalent iPhone users, so are probably happier doing their own thing. Which leads onto:

2) DRM. Again, why? Users aren't going to pay more and get a worse deal.

US judge rules quadriplegic can bear arms

Jimmy Floyd
Happy

Don't see the problem here

If you're going to have a backwards, out-of-date, deranged and downright dangerous legal right to do something stupid, it might as well apply to everyone.

MS exec gets shot down after 'inaccurate' Windows 7 spiel

Jimmy Floyd

Funny that

I was under the impression that every version of Windows prior to Windows 3.1 was based on the Mac GUI of the time...

...which, as everyone knows, was itself an imitation of the classic Amiga Workbench! :-)

C< because for some bizarre reason El Reg haven't got a Commodore icon.

Microsoft boots modders off Xbox Live

Jimmy Floyd
Linux

Thin end?

While it's hard to slate Microsoft for this, I wonder how long it will be before they claim that the Xbox itself (or, at least, maybe the underlying "O/S") isn't bought, it's merely licensed, and may therefore also be shut off?

Linux, because ... well, I can buy a Linux phone. Now for a Linux games console! :-)

Catholic priests, scientists head to Rome to ponder alien life

Jimmy Floyd
Gates Halo

Hey, no problem

There really shouldn't have to be that much of an ideological issue with ETs, unless they're one of those pesky types that believe the Universe is older than 7,000 years (or whatever it is).

Thing is, I still don't see a conflict between science and religion (unless you're a creationist / bonkers) but one can never underestimate the levels of stupidity to which humankind will stretch.

Bill Gates, because it's the closest icon to an angel with a halo (and it was never going to be Steve Jobs now, was it?)

Cambridge Uni cheerleaders in naming FAIL

Jimmy Floyd
Dead Vulture

Eh?

I know this is published in Bootnotes but I'm still struggling to see the point of this article; except that perhaps:

a) Lewis gets much of his information from The Torygraph, and is annoyed at the pointlessness of their article ('cos it is pretty pointless).

b) A little-known definition of a "cougar" happens to not to relate to the animal in question but does lend itself to some kind of tenuous link between young women and older women (apart from the obvious).

c) Ummm.....

US unemployment rate breaks ten per cent

Jimmy Floyd
Boffin

Anyone else...?

...still trotting out the frankly ludicrous belief that the greatest financial crisis the world has seen in 80 years has been cleverly managed and beaten?

'Cos they're muppets if they are...

The x-texting Metrotextual comes out of the closet

Jimmy Floyd
Flame

Bullshit

"...22 per cent of blokes..."

Bollocks. Absolute and total bollocks. 22% of blokes in Brighton, maybe. The rest are so used to texting their other half they just forgot NOT to put a 'x' on the end.

And another thing - what sort of man would cheerfully admit to being a "metrotextual" anyway? A poor excuse for a man, that's whom.

Ah, I feel better for a morning rant against pointless, corporate-sponsored, probably-made-up surveys. Time for a nice cup of tea...

Google not normal for Norfolk

Jimmy Floyd
Joke

@AC 10:16

Nothing new about conflict of reality at that paper. How do you confuse Daily Mail reader?

Tell them immigrants are the natural predators of paedophiles.

Nokia to shut down N-Gage

Jimmy Floyd

Trashbat-dot-cock

I can't help but be reminded of the phone from the comical 'Nathan Barley' series, the Wasp T12 Speechtool (with a outsized number 5 on the keypad, because "that's the most commonly used number"):

http://www.trashbat.co.ck/

The Register Downloads channel is live and kicking!

Jimmy Floyd
WTF?

Ahem

I was all set to make some witty but flippant comment about a Reg pr0n download service but thought I'd best check out the site beforehand...

...only to find that "today's hot files" are headed by ... wait for it ... iTunes. For Windows. Apparently the Mac version is actually quite usable in comparison to the PC alternative but really ... iTunes?

I mean, seriously...

Wii HD coming in 2010, claims mole

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Down

HDMI

HD or no HD, you won't see me putting HDMI anywhere near my setup (which currently includes a HDMI-capable Xbox 360).

If I want resolution-disabling copy protection built into my hardware I'll buy a book with faint print.

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