* Posts by Admiral Grace Hopper

655 posts • joined 7 Oct 2008


Begone, Demon Internet: Vodafone to shutter old-school pioneer ISP

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: slip over PPP

And finally being motivated to learn about vpns and tunnelling to access message boards touting scurrilous rumours over the company network. *fn/bq*

You were told to clean up our systems, not delete 8,000 crucial files

Admiral Grace Hopper

A tale as old as time

Way back in Jurassic times, developing on mainframes, a smart girl *coff* asked if our relatively new environment which had been set up for a new project was included in the schedules which backed everything up to tape*. We checked, it wasn't, so our semi-technical team leader raised the paperwork, then said he would work late to "tidy things up" before the first backup as we had been so productive that the first back up was likely to be quite large.

You can guess how this went, can't you?

Fortunately, we had enough compilation listings to allow us to re-type it all back in within a week.

* Proper tapes, with Joe 90 reels, vacuum feeds, reel clips that broke when hit by footballs (another story for another time), with tape accessible to grumpy tape ops who were not above giving it a tweak to stretch it and render it unreadable 2 hours into the batch run if you'd pissed them off.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

Admiral Grace Hopper

It really is so much easier to nit-pick and complain

There's no easy way to say this. I like it, it works, it flows, it looks good, it does the job and I can offer no suggestions on how it might be improved from my first use of the new format. For an IT professional I feel like I have failed in some way in not being able to pick holes in it in any way. Sorry about that.

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: holograraphic love dungeon layout

You're looking at her.

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: holograraphic love dungeon layout

Well, the more the merrier. I prefer a domain to a workgroup, but it's different strokes for different folks.

Heard the one where the boss calls in an Oracle consultant who couldn't fix the database?

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Vindicated

“Why did you call her Vienna?”

“Leave the door open and whoosh! It’s goodnight Vienna”.


2018 ain't done yet... Amazon sent Alexa recordings of man and girlfriend to stranger

Admiral Grace Hopper

Be Pure, Be Vigilant, Behave

If you've got nothing to hide, why would you refuse to have an always-on microphone in your house?

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

Admiral Grace Hopper

The Phone Rings

"Hi there, this is networks. Can you stop firing the f*cking chain gun?"

College PRIMOS prankster wreaks havoc with sysadmin manuals

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Value added installer

When we had a similar "issue" with code that was too efficient and lean to justify the price charged we added a 2 Gb Easter egg to make the install time and disk footprint feel more expensive.

Take my advice and stop using Rubik's Cubes to prove your intelligence

Admiral Grace Hopper

ICL - It Can't Last

A little later than the era you describe, but the smart kids preferred Think Of A Number

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

Admiral Grace Hopper

[Long set up about test driving car with a voice-controlled radio]

"I said, 'news', and it switched to Radio 4. Half a mile down the road a van cut me up and I shouted, "stupid f*cking bastard"m and the radio switched over to Chris Evans".

Admiral Grace Hopper

"Heck, I'd have gone full BOFH"

Punishment maintenance. Sweet.

Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Mommy


HMRC: 30 months to prep Northern Ireland backstop systems, 24 for customs

Admiral Grace Hopper

@Ian Johnston

"Every major IT project the government has ever tried has failed, "

CESA was delivered on time, within budget, with all specified functionality.

In Space, Still: 20 years since Russia hurled first bit of floating astronaut hostel into orbit

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Out of this world

Storage above the cloud!

Big Falcon Namechange for Musk's rocket: BFR becomes Starship

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Yes

I could lose my heart to that.

Bright spark dev irons out light interference

Admiral Grace Hopper

Blu Tack

Those of a certain generation grew up with expansion packs secured with the universal blue fixative. If we'd had Sugru back then we'd have been ecstatic.

Open the pod bay doors: Voice of HAL 9000 Douglas Rain dies at 90

Admiral Grace Hopper

I am completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.

His voice started and ended my working day for many years, as well as marking error events with an appropriate phrase.

Russian computer failure on ISS is nothing to worry about – they're just going to turn it off and on again

Admiral Grace Hopper

"So 3 HALs walk into a bar..."

... and the barman says, "Why the long int?".

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

Admiral Grace Hopper

Putting On The Ritz

Or putting it on the Ritz *jazz hands*

Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity

Admiral Grace Hopper


A good choice of tune, their speeded-up version of Kraftwerk's Radioactivity is a fine tribute to Tesla, but there is, of course, a more direct tribute.

Apple's launch confirms one thing: It's determined to kill off the laptop for iPads

Admiral Grace Hopper

"what's a computer?"

Eat Y'Self Fitter!

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Would they allow it if...

Whenever life takes me to Driffield, I always smile as I pass through Wetwang.

'BMW, Airbus and Siemens' get the Brexit spending shakes

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: "Keep calm and carry on"

"Could" is the key word. Possibility is always hemmed in by intent and capability.

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: "Keep calm and carry on"

"The UK has given notice, and the EU has set a deadline"

The UK government could rescind its A50 letter if it wished. The awkward silence that might follow would be interesting to witness, but I doubt that we will be treated to that

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Oblig

"I wonder why?".

Those factories in Malaysia don't build themselves.

Admiral Grace Hopper

"Keep calm and carry on"

When that is the best and most coherent planning advice that we have had for coping with this situation then we are truly in an unnerving place.

Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Move the embassy

Diplocat is my new DJ name.

Roughly 30 years after its birth at UK's Acorn Computers, RISC OS 5 is going open source

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: I had an A310 and loved it

I didn't have and Acorn - my Dad bought us a Dragon 32 - but I share your feelings about the passage of time. Every time I visit the National Museum Of Computing it becomes a tick list of machines I used to own, machines I use to work on and machine I use to covet.

Core-blimey! Riddle of Earth's mysterious center finally 'solved' by smarty seismologists

Admiral Grace Hopper

Facebook names former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg head of global affairs

Admiral Grace Hopper

He’ll probably do the Lib Dem thing and sell the post room.

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

Admiral Grace Hopper

Red Dwarf

Back in the mists of time we used Philips Maestro systems for mainframe software development. These were upgraded to the new whizzy devices with some intelligence built into the very expensive keyboards to alleviate the load on the minicomputer that talked to the mainframe. It was drilled into us how very expensive the desktop component was - 3000 late-80s GBPs - in an effort to impress on us how lucky we were to have them and how much care we should take of them. Sadly, my desk neighbour showed little care while ham-fistedly opening a litre carton of orange juice which split and dumped its contents into the keyboard/desktop processor. Orange juice and PCB tracks are not a felicitous combination.

After we moved onto PCs I didn't think of the Philips Maestro again until I saw one glued to the wall of the cabin of Star Bug in Red Dwarf.

'Incommunicado' Assange anoints new WikiLeaks editor in chief

Admiral Grace Hopper

Incommunicado? Sorta, kinda, maybe.

In a cupboard? Has been for some while, probably will be for some time yet. Poor Ecuadoran embassy staff.

Blueprint of modern construction can be found in a tech cluster... of 19th century England

Admiral Grace Hopper


A beautiful county. Lots of wonderful walking, fascinating history, much to explore and some interesting and unique rock climbing on Wenlock Edge, Pontesford Rocks and Nesscliffe. I can highly recommend the Rocke Cottage Tea Rooms in Clungunford.

I worked in Telford for many years and while it has much to recommend it as a place of employment, I wouldn't rush back. It turns out that you did have to pay me to make me go there.

How an over-zealous yank took down the trading floor of a US bank

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: "over-zealous yank"

No, you aren't. I immediately started to compile a mental list of former colleagues who fitted the description, being careful, of course, to omit the Good 'Ole Boys from Texas who didn't appreciate being called Yankees.

Spent your week box-ticking? It can't be as bad as the folk at this firm

Admiral Grace Hopper

As a senior exec at an outsourcing former (now-defunct) employer once told me, "We woo on the contract pitch and rape on the service changes".

30-up: You know what? Those really weren't the days

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: All these years on

I pray for them. In Codd we trust.

Admiral Grace Hopper

All these years on

and I still find myself in third normal form.

Sysadmin misses out on paycheck after student test runs amok

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Naming Schemes

I once had the task of decommissioning any server in the estate that didn't run to its owner when I came swinging my axe. After sending a seemingly endless stream of file servers called Gandalf to a well-earned rest, I was relieved to find a development team that had named theirs after the Second Stage Lensmen.

Microsoft: You don't want to use Edge? Are you sure? Really sure?

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Dear Microsoft -- You Did It To Yourself!!!

"It's one of the major reasons enterprises dont use say Chrome on Windows 10."

And yet we have IE-specific apps that won't run in Edge no matter what we do. After the last Win10 update came down the wire even IE would just sit there sullenly refusing to pick them up and run with them. The current workaround is an IE compatibility extension to Chrome.

Do not adjust your set, er, browser: This is our new page-one design

Admiral Grace Hopper

It's fine

I kvetched a little about the last reformatting and this makes one of my complaints worse - even more white space shining into the echoing void of my workplace - but really, it doesn't get in the way of reading the content so it's not a problem.

If you want to delight me, get rid of the float-over ads.

If you want to really piss people off, go full-on late 90s Gociities with a floral border and an autoplay .wav of something plinky-plonky.

Apple in XS new sensation: Latest iPhone carries XS-sive price tag

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Razr

I have seriously considered getting a resurrected Erissson T28 for phone calls and a hotspot and a small tablet for mobile internet.

London's Gatwick Airport flies back to the future as screens fail

Admiral Grace Hopper

I'm still waiting for my local aerodrome to be renamed "London Ringway".

Techie's test lab lands him in hot water with top tech news site

Admiral Grace Hopper

"They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash!"

Microsoft devises new way of making you feel old: Windows NT is 25

Admiral Grace Hopper

Guilty as charged. I seem to have formed a false memory on this one. They have had some striking logos along the way but none with capital S.

Admiral Grace Hopper


NT4 was where MicroSoft lost the plot. Moving the GDI to Ring 0 was my first WTF moment with Windows. Were they really prepared to compromise the stability of a server OS to keep the GUI running? They were.

Oh dear.

Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: was it for RBS

RBS published enough press releases after that clusterflump to qualify as a publishing company with a banking arm.

HPE supercomputer is still crunching numbers in space after 340 days

Admiral Grace Hopper

I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly

Apollo is a good name for a space-bound system.

I do hope that they set it up with the same boot and close-down wav files that I and many others used when PCs with sound cards started hitting our desks.

How much do you think Cisco's paying erstwhile Brit PM David Cameron?

Admiral Grace Hopper

An interesting choice of figurehead

The only IT related pronouncement I can recall Cameron making was his endorsement of Fruit Ninja.

Trump wants to work with Russia on infosec. Security experts: lol no

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Well, with all of NATO being either personal foes or parts of the "greatest Foe"

USA should make more cheese, and export that to the world.

Heavens to Betsy! Have you seen what the Americans call cheese?


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