* Posts by Admiral Grace Hopper

546 posts • joined 7 Oct 2008

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New HMRC IT boss to 'recuse' herself over Microsoft decisions

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: This is getting stupid

the legendary sense of humour that HMRC has*

When I was working for the Inland Revenue, the precursor to HMRC, we tried to book Ken Dodd to play our staff social club. His agent didn't think that this was a good idea, for some reason.

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Nest cracks out cheaper spin of its thermostat

Admiral Grace Hopper

Leaping Two Generations

When I moved into my house last year I was surprised to find that the heating system had no thermostat control whatsoever. Fitting a similar device to this was a lot easier than chasing the walls to wire in a simpler thermostat. While I am instinctively averse to cloudy things in the home, I am actively repelled by unnecessary grief.

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Mazda and Toyota join forces on Linux-based connected car platform

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Timing

It certainly isn't, but as I came here to make the same gag I may be biased.

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Bombastic boss gave insane instructions to sensible sysadmin, with client on speakerphone

Admiral Grace Hopper

"Mundane staff"

I've worked with those. Heck, I've been one of those.

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Assange offers job to sacked Google diversity manifestbro

Admiral Grace Hopper

Is there room for anyone else

In the cupboard he's hiding in?

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The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

Admiral Grace Hopper

We are certainly drifting into the arena of the unwell.

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BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: This

Au contraire, I suspect that it will end very well for someone but precisely who remains to be seen. I'm not betting against our hero though.

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Ten new tech terms I learnt this summer: Do you know them all?

Admiral Grace Hopper

Don't dis the innovative

Our future lies in innovative jams and marmalades. It's the way forward.

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User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Admiral Grace Hopper

We'll always have Lincoln

We were having odd problems with a piece of client/server code that wrote state information from the desktop to an Access DB on the local office servers. Try as we might, we couldn't replicate it on the set up we had in our development office and nothing showed up on any of the logs that pulled from the servers or the desktops. I asked if we might be permitted an office visit, which was refused for months until the manager of the Lincoln office got sick and tired enough to authorise the budget for a two-dayer.

Having got to their office, suited and booted with our customer-facing faces on, we had little to do other than wait for things to go bang. As it was the first time that we as developers had been allowed near the end users we took the opportunity to ask them how they found the software. We learned that they didn't like it, but largely because it had been foisted on them and their training hadn't covered the bits that we'd put in to make their lives easier. We spend two working days giving impromptu training in our software and Windows 3.11 in general and having found the diagnostic data we needed, left an office much happier with life in general and our software in particular. The office manager sent a letter to our boss expressing her joy, we got a nice little bonus, lots of steers on where the next version needed to go to make the users even more happier, we'd had a jolly nice time in Lincoln with its wonderful pubs and all was well with with the world.

Two days later we got a phone call. A field tech had arrived and rebuilt their server and nothing worked any more. The customer had two offices in Lincoln with two different functions, thus two different server builds. Their server now had the wrong build on it, it was Friday and the field tech had buggered off. It took our support guys three days to sort it out. All that good PR washed away like tears in rain.

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Admiral Grace Hopper

"He would put in a (fake) trouble ticket and request me."

Am I the only to think that this sounds like stalking with a nice lunch thrown in?

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Q. What's today's top language? A. Python... no, wait, Java... no, C

Admiral Grace Hopper

COBOL FTW

But I may be biased.

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Apple hurls out patches for dozens of security holes in iOS, macOS

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Credit to Apple, At least they do updates.

Precisely the reason I went back to iOS and Apple. I liked Android and had good experiences with Samsung and HTC devices, but the patching was ... patchy.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

Admiral Grace Hopper

Space 1999

I'm glad there's some love for Space 1999, but not as much as I'd hoped for. Kids these days ...

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Admiral Grace Hopper

Never get out of the boat.

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'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

Admiral Grace Hopper
Windows

Re: Windows 98

We didn't have a computer in school, but we did have a teletype and an acoustic coupler that allowed us access to the mainframe at the local polytechnic.

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Admiral Grace Hopper

I think we've covered despoiled kit before. I've seen a few controller cards in machines that have come back from customer sites covered in enough crap to qualify as "scuzzy".

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Admiral Grace Hopper

SMTP

I remember a respected team leader telling a customer that SMTP stood for "Send Mail To People" and managing to keep a straight face.

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The nuclear launch button won't be pressed by a finger but by a bot

Admiral Grace Hopper

Einstein A-Go-Go

You'd better watch out, you'd better beware,

Albert said that E = mc²

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Windows 10 love to see PC market grow again. Future iPhone to be clear. Elvis to re-appear

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Refresh of hardware

My new dev laptop for work will be Win10 only because Win7 has been withdrawn from the corporate build. Given the choice, I would not be adding to the Win10 growth stats. I've only ever seen Win10 before in the period between a new laptop arriving at home and a Linux being dropped onto it.

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Admiral Grace Hopper

When I was a girl,

And my PC was a pup,

Over code and programs we'd stray.

Just a girl and her machine,

We were both full of fun,

We grew up together that way.

As the years fast did roll,

My PC, he grew old,

His eyes were fast growing dim.

And one day the doctor looked at me and said,

"I can do no more for him, Grace".

With hands that were trembling,

I picked up my gun,

And aimed it at the PCs faithful head.

I just couldn't do it, I wanted to run,

I wish they would shoot me instead.

It blinked its cursor and looked up at me,

And laid his keyboard on my knee.

I had struck the best friend a girl ever had,

I cried so I scarcely could see.

Old Shep, he has gone where the good PCs go

And no more with old Shep will I code.

But if PCs have a heaven, there's one thing I know,

Old Shep has a wonderful home.

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Hasta la Windows Vista, baby! It's now officially dead – good riddance

Admiral Grace Hopper
Flame

Burn it

Burn it with fire.

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It's 30 years ago: IBM's final battle with reality

Admiral Grace Hopper

The Man In The High Data Centre

I enjoy a good counterfactual. I still wonder occasionally how the world would have looked if IBM and Apple had got Pink to the point where it was marketable.

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Security co-operation unlikely to change post Brexit, despite threats

Admiral Grace Hopper

I could have been worse. Imagine what the letter would have looked like if the more unhinged members of the government had wound up in charge.

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Microsoft wants screaming Windows fans, not just users

Admiral Grace Hopper

Screaming Windows Fans

The fans stopped screaming on the SQL Server 6 box after we moved from Win NT4 to Win 2K.

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As of today, iThings are even harder for police to probe

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: No Siri, I said 'googly'

"Belgium, man - BELGIUM!".

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Naughty sysadmins use dark magic to fix PCs for clueless users

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: No quite wizadry but...

Many years ago, in simpler, more direct times, we used to keep a cricket bat with "USER EDUCATION TOOL" magic markered on the back in large, angry letters.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
Terminator

We are all servants of Landru

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Bloke launches twinkly range of BBC Micro:bit accessory boards

Admiral Grace Hopper
Coat

Re: “I’ve designed my own connector, a 40-way pin item.”

Mine's the one with the lump of BluTack in the pocket.

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Annoyingly precocious teen who ruined Trek is now an asteroid

Admiral Grace Hopper

No space though, presumably because that's how they do things.

Ah, space. The final frontier.

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IT team sent dirt file to Police as they all bailed from abusive workplace

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Uhhhmmmmm

Well, for what very little it's worth, I can understand how this may have come about as I experienced an echo of the situation.

While working as a waitress in a West Midlands restaurant we were progressively hacked off by the behaviour of a recently arrived new restaurant manager, lately a bar steward on the Royal Yacht Britannia. After a couple of weeks, conversation revealed that the whole front of house staff and and the kitchen staff were sufficiently disgruntled to have sorted out other jobs or to be ready to walk and find something else rather than work another day. We looked ahead for the night in the next week with the most bookings (this was in the run up to Christmas) and on the last shift before that Saturday we all handed in our notices, with immediate effect indicating that we wouldn't be turning up again any time soon. Some times working in an effectively casualised industry has its advantages. This left him with a full restaurant, no staff and no chance of hiring anyone to cover that night at least. We were all in work fairly soon after and while I'm sure that he had a full staff fairly quickly, the restaurant was closed down during one of the busiest periods of the year.

So while it may not have got the point over to TOWF, I know that collective action like can happen and feels quite satisfying at the time.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
Pint

I want this to be true as much as I would like to buy the teller one of these ->

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Chelsea Manning sentence slashed by Prez Obama: She'll be sprung in the spring

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Assange v Chris Grayling

@macjules

Off the to of my head, I can't think of anything more disgusting than being in Assange's shoes.

Being female, I can imagine at least one worse thing about Assange than his shoes.

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RIP Eugene Cernan: Last man on the Moon dies aged 82

Admiral Grace Hopper

Vale

I remember my Dad taking my brother and I into the back garden and explaining how there were men walking on the moon as we looked at it. I still feel somewhat privileged to have been alive at a time when we did that sort of thing. Once more, the passing of a great man diminishes us.

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British military laser death ray cannon contract still awarded, MoD confirms

Admiral Grace Hopper

No word on the possibility of fitment to sharks?

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MacBook killer? New Lenovo offering sexed up with XPoint booster

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Hardware's half the story

Absolutely.

I have a MBP to run commercial software that I don't want to/can't run under Linux, plus I quite like OSX .. errmm .. MacOS. I only use Windows when I'm being paid so to do.

What to do come replacement time if Apple continue on their present course is a question I have yet to address.

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Support chap's Sonic Screwdriver fixes PC as user fumes in disbelief

Admiral Grace Hopper

Overheard conversation about a new server

"So why do you need a four processor machine?"

"I've got poor circulation.The single processor one didn't keep my feet warm enough."

(The server lived under his desk).

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You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: 'No, never 'tech' anything

I use the same approach, which has the benefit of being true, if not completely so. When asked if I don't use Windows at all, the entirely truthful response is, "Only if I'm being paid to". This tends to pre-empt the inevitable follow-up questions.

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LAKE OF frozen WATER THE SIZE OF NEW MEXICO FOUND ON MARS – NASA

Admiral Grace Hopper
Mushroom

A propos of nothing

I really like New Mexico. Lovely state, lovely people. The desert gives you space to think.

Icon: Los Alamos.

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Job ad asks for 'detrimental' sysadmin

Admiral Grace Hopper
Devil

I resemble that remark

I am pretty sure that I can find someone to write me an entirely truthful reference with evidence to show that I meet the criteria for this role.

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What will happen when I'm too old to push? (buttons, that is)

Admiral Grace Hopper

"beige box"

Nothing wrong with a beige box. I'd quite like to be able to get my musical equipment in brushed champagne gold still.

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Kodak teases smartphone

Admiral Grace Hopper

The Yellow Sign

I still feel a small twinge of nostalgia when I see a yellow Kodak sign on the side of a building.

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Cabinet bare of Apple Watch

Admiral Grace Hopper

Pob

Gove's endorsement is the end to any desire that I might have had to sport an Apple Watch. It's like Steve Coogan killing the Ford Probe with his Gareth Cheeseman character.

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Nokia crawls towards comeback with new phones announcement

Admiral Grace Hopper
Thumb Up

Fit For Purpose

That looks like the sort of thing that I want for a work phone. Work have been trying to replace my Nokia 300 with WinPhone for some time but I've resisted as I need something that will hold charge for more than a day and survive an unscheduled trip below a suspended floor. My brave little Nokia will do that, make calls, send and receive texts and take a photo of the back of a server. Add a screwdriver and the ability to use it as a hammer and it would be my ideal work tool.

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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

Admiral Grace Hopper

Am I missing something?

The article seems to be mocking the subject matter of a magazine because the author of the article finds it funny that someone might find detailed specialised information relating to something outside their experience necessary, relevant or even interesting. This seems to be an unfortunate angle to take on a website aimed at technical people.

I appreciate that El Reg has become increasingly tabloid of late, I wasn't aware that it was reaching for The Sun.

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Reg Programming Compo: 22 countries, 137 entries and... wow – loads of Python

Admiral Grace Hopper
Thumb Up

Re: Daley Thompson. BORING?

As soon as read the words, "Daley Thompson", I was mentally transported to the console of an arcade game in 1984 and memories of furiously pounding the buttons in the running events.

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'I'm sorry, your lift has had a problem and had to shut down'

Admiral Grace Hopper

Re: Invalid page fault

"You appear to be traveling up or down. Would you like help with that?"

"Have you ever considered the possibility of going sideways?". I tip my hat to Douglas Adams every time I get into a lift, or Happy Vertical People Transporter.

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Business users force Microsoft to back off Windows 10 PC kill plan

Admiral Grace Hopper

It's beginning to look like that MS wants all the home users to go use someone else's operating system

I thought that was the point of Vista? It certainly worked for me.

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Admiral Grace Hopper

Meanwhile

There are large organisations with WinXP still fulfilling their needs on the desktop. They might make the leap to Win10, but that remains to be seen.

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'I found the intern curled up on the data centre floor moaning'

Admiral Grace Hopper

Laura

During early-morning support calls I've often clung to the belief that most often it doesn't matter what decision you take, just that you take a decision. This mostly works. Mostly.

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