* Posts by Alan Bourke

696 posts • joined 15 Aug 2006

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If only 3D desktop printers could 3D print sales! Units crash in Q1

Alan Bourke

but but but

This is the biggest revolution since the microchip, it must be, the men on the internet said. Not clear whether it's before or after everyone is using touchscreens and the keyboard and mouse is dead, or after.

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Happy birthday, you lumbering MS-DOS-based mess: Windows 98 turns 20 today

Alan Bourke

Welp, it was better than 95 and ME ...

... but let's hear it for the NT kernel.

10
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Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Alan Bourke

Re: Oh how the might have fallen...

"Atari STE was a giant among machines - probably the best all-round home computer platform across all arenas on the market at the time"

Aha. Ahem. Yeah.

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Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Alan Bourke

Re: What about Windows?

Yeah, point me at the codebase of tens of millions of lines that has zero bugs. You have no idea do you.

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Don't try and beat AI, merge with it says chess champ Garry Kasparov

Alan Bourke

Deep Blue != AI

There is no AI.

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Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where Windows hurt you

Alan Bourke

Re: "We want to ask developers, what is your pain point"

> Went ti update powershell - a fucking command shell. 500M download.

Well then it updated a load more than PowerShell. PowerShell 4 is part of the Windows Management Framework download, and that's under 50MB even with everything included.

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Score one for the bats and badgers! Apple bins €850m Irish bit barn bid

Alan Bourke

Our lunatic planning process

writ large.

6
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Fork it! Microsoft adds .NET Core 3.0 including Windows Desktop apps

Alan Bourke

Dollar sign for an 'S' in Windows.

What is this, 2002?

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HP Ink to compensate punters for bricking third-party ink cartridges

Alan Bourke

Ah 'Epsom' printers.

Years ago I used to work in an office of dimwit tech support people. I had to print out an A3 sheet and stick it on the wall, as follows:

(picture of racecourse) = EPSOM

(picture of printer) = EPSON

(picture of popular Gaulish cartoon character) = ASTERIX

(*) = ASTERISK

... before I disemboweled one of them.

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Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Alan Bourke

"Upgrading users should be able to ignore the viewer as before."

LOL, cold.

I'll miss CHM files. Yeah, it's all online, but not every device is online always. Plus the search facility on the online equivalents tends to suck.

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Don’t fight automation software for control, just turn it off. FAST

Alan Bourke

Even in the extremely unlikely event that fully autonomous vehicles ever become viable

I'll still be driving myself thanks.

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Boring as she goes at Sage? Oh no, no, no! Shares slide as sales slip below forecasts

Alan Bourke

Re: Maybe ...

Pegasus

0
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Alan Bourke

Re: Maybe ...

Is there a good open source ERP? Because there hasn't been any time I've looked.

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Windows Mixed Reality: Windows Mobile deja vu?

Alan Bourke

The old adage remains true ...

3D TV, VR ... if you have to put something stupid on your head, it'll be niche at best.

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Self-driving cars still do not exist even if we think they do

Alan Bourke

Re: They kinda do and kinda don't

Do they? Without a human there just in case? No.

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You're SAP-ing my will to live: Licensing debate lumbers on as ERP giant tries to rebuild trust

Alan Bourke

Are SAP unique in this?

Seems extreme.

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Munich council: To hell with Linux, we're going full Windows in 2020

Alan Bourke

Politics is nothing to do with it.

The facts are as stated - the software they need mostly doesn't exist on Linux and LibreOffice is a poor relation for any sort of serious corporate use. It's blindingly obvious. It's why every company I walk into uses Windows. They're not 'all about the pork', they're about running the software they need to do business with the minimum of bullshit.

"By then the MS lock in will be total" - when you're a city council it doesn't matter if you're locked in. Had they got the Linux project to work, they'd be locked into that. It's not like they'd be able to change distros or something at the drop of a hat.

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38

Android at 10: How Google won the smartphone wars

Alan Bourke

The Amiga failed?

Didn't really get traction in the US because high-end Apples being cheaper but a major success everywhere else.

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Off-brand tablets look done, but big players are growing

Alan Bourke

Buh buh buh the PC dead

The men said, on the internet.

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Guy Glitchy: Villagers torch Openreach effigy

Alan Bourke

If the guy is an architect and needs to shunt large files around over the web

... why didn't he evaluate the internet situation before moving there?

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8

39 episodes of 'CSI' used to build AI's natural language model

Alan Bourke

So they're using a television programme displaying no intelligence

for something that isn't artifical intelligence.

Gotcha.

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IT resellers, this is your future: Shifting driverless cars within 5 years

Alan Bourke

Two words.

My arse.

1
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So the 'Year of Linux' never happened. When is it Chrome OS's turn?

Alan Bourke

No ...

it means Linus thinks he won.

When Microsoft make Windows a Linux distro, then he'll have a point.

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15
Alan Bourke

Widespread Linux on the desktop remains elusive.

The software that homes and businesses want just isn't there. Don't say LibreOffice. It looks like a 1998 shareware application.

But so what? The desktop is not the be all and end all like it once was.

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18

Microsoft's foray into phones was a bumbling, half-hearted fiasco, and Nadella always knew it

Alan Bourke

I had a WinPho for 18 months or more.

As an OS it was very slick. Of the two 'walled garden' phone operating systems, I'd take it over Apple's Fisher-Price UI any day.

What killed it for me was app support. Not necessarily your Facebooks et al, but 'mid range' apps. Your local transport provider's real time updates app. Your local gym chain fitness class booking app. They all have iOS and Android versions, but never Windows.

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3

Scared of that new-fangled 'cloud'? Office 2019 to the rescue!

Alan Bourke

Re: Can I just buy the MS-approved LibreOffice plugin please?

Isn't that a LibreOffice problem?

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2

So. Should I upgrade to macOS High Sierra?

Alan Bourke

So it's like Windows then

... wait until big patch 1 at the earliest.

7
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WDC's My Cloud Home Duo is a natty piece of kit but beware iContent

Alan Bourke

Hey iTunes can't sync iTunes a lot of the time

so don't feel bad.

4
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Driverless cars will make more traffic, say transport boffins

Alan Bourke

Just as well there won't be a rise of the autonomous vehicle ...

since even if we weren't a very long way from it being realistic technically, it's solving a problem that doesn't exist.

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AI slurps, learns millions of passwords to work out which ones you may use next

Alan Bourke

Not an AI

there is no AI

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Outlook.com looking more like an outage outbreak for Europe

Alan Bourke

Re: A Microsoft mail infrastructure having difficulty scaling? Say it isn't so!

Our organisation is on it. Around 10k employees in all corners of the globe.

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Microsoft teases web-based Windows Server management console

Alan Bourke

Re: GUI good

There are some things that are easier with a GUI and some things that are easier with a CLI, world withoud end, amen.

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Yet more British military drones crash, this time into the Irish Sea

Alan Bourke

I presume

they go and recover them?

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Facebook posts put Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli in prison as a danger to society

Alan Bourke

Re: I only wish...

I'll crowdfund you.

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The new, new Psion is getting near production. Here's what it looks like

Alan Bourke

IT'S ADORABLE

AND I WANT IT.

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Microsoft won't patch Edge browser content security bypass

Alan Bourke

Re: re: Microsoft products - exploitable by design.

Chrome of course pure as the driven snow in this respect.

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Uneasy rest the buttocks on the iron throne. Profits plunge 14% at Sky UK and Ireland

Alan Bourke

Why are they still charging extra for HD?

It's not like it's some new technology at this stage. Gouging.

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The lady (or man) vanishes: The thorny issue of GDPR coding

Alan Bourke

Re: @AC

Is it even possible for tape backup?

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DeepMind says it's given AI an imagination. Let's take a closer look at that

Alan Bourke

The AI hype train

has now reached Pulling Spurious Claims Out Of Your Arse Station.

1
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Vendors rush to call everything AI even if it isn't, or doesn't help

Alan Bourke

You could knock a Hangman game on the ZX Spectrum

and pass it off as AI these days, it would seem.

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Radiohead hides ZX Spectrum proggie in OK Computer re-release

Alan Bourke

The ZX Spectrum does not have 'apps'.

It has 'programmes'.

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Brit SAP user group seeking more line-of-business members

Alan Bourke

I never fail to be amazed

that corporates still use SAP.

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1

Is this a hotdog? What it takes for an AI to answer that might surprise you

Alan Bourke

it isn't going away?

It hasn't bloody arrived yet.

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While USA is distracted by its President's antics, China is busy breaking another fusion record

Alan Bourke

That reminds me

I must look up what's happening with the Rossi E-CAT contraption these days, for a laugh.

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Ever wonder why those Apple iPhone updates take so damn long?

Alan Bourke

Re: Whatever the reason given - it's bollocks

"across every possible combinations of things?"

These are Apple devices. A fairly limited selection of fixed platforms and OS version combinations, not Android where world+dog has a device and their own jimmied version of the OS.

Therefore surely not beyond Apple to test in-house.

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Nest leaves competition in the dust with new smart camera

Alan Bourke

Re: I don't get it

They're for targeted advertising.

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Has AI gone too far? DeepTingle turns El Reg news into terrible erotica

Alan Bourke

Has a thing that doesn't exist gone too far?

Please get off this 'AI' cut & paste bandwagon. There is no AI. There is nothing even in the ballpark.

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Ireland to make revenge porn, cyberstalking criminal acts

Alan Bourke

They're embarrassing ...

... however they are unlikely ever to be enforced, the recent palaver was a case of someone highlighting the absurdity of it to try and shame the government into action. The police demonstrably DGAF.

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While Facebook reinvents Sadville, we still dream of flying cars

Alan Bourke

Flying cars? Pft.

Even less likely to ever appear in mass adoption than self-driving cars. Most people can't drive properly, why would you want them flying?

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