* Posts by Alan Bourke

647 posts • joined 15 Aug 2006

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While Facebook reinvents Sadville, we still dream of flying cars

Alan Bourke

Flying cars? Pft.

Even less likely to ever appear in mass adoption than self-driving cars. Most people can't drive properly, why would you want them flying?

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Stanford Uni's intro to CompSci course adopts JavaScript, bins Java

Alan Bourke

I thought we needed to encourage new developers ...

Any language that needs the like of TypeScript or CoffeeScript to impose some readability and sanity on it is probably not the best choice for an introductory programming course.

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Miss Misery on hacking Mr Robot and the Missing Sense of Fun

Alan Bourke

Seen some of the first season.

If nothing else it should be lauded for technical accuracy and restraining itself from the usual OVERRIDE SECRET PASSWORD nonsense.

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What should password managers not do? Leak your passwords? What a great idea, LastPass

Alan Bourke

Just remember passwords

with your brain.

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Murder in space: NASA orders astronauts to KILL cripples – then fire bodies back to Earth

Alan Bourke

The day that the word 'podule' is deployed on El Reg ...

is a day that I'm happy.

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After 20 years of Visual Studio, Microsoft unfurls its 2017 edition

Alan Bourke

Re: Reboot required ...

Boo hoo. How often do you install an IDE like this? Is it that much of an issue?

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Linux on Windows 10: Will penguin treats in Creators Update be enough to lure you?

Alan Bourke

I would contend that the path length messing up Node

says more about Node than anything else.

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Bring it BACK... with MODs! Psion 5 storms great tech revival poll

Alan Bourke

Pick one ...

"Colour screen with a few more pixels, modern ARM processor, decent chunk of memory, USB, WiFi, maybe a 4G modem, SD slot"

or

"keep the thing running for a week on a pair of AAs"

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NZ firm tucks into $27m on the back of VR 'hologram' promise

Alan Bourke

Yet another bandying of the term 'hologram'

when it's nothing of the sort. Just like those 'Ronnie James Dio lives again!' things you see at gigs which also talks shite about holograms when it's just an updated version of a 150 year old stage magic illusion called Pepper's Ghost.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, fake-news-detecting AI is fake news, too

Alan Bourke

Basically in any tech story in 2017 where you see the word 'AI'

substitute the term 'bandwagon-jumping bullshit'.

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If you need an in-mem analytics cruncher – and, hey, who doesn't? – Microsoft Graph Engine is now open source

Alan Bourke

Wah wah wah

big bad Microsoft. Get over it.

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Totally not-crazy billionaire Elon Musk: All of us – yes, even you – must become cyborgs

Alan Bourke

AI hype mill bullshit

alert.

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UK prof claims to have first practical blueprint of a quantum computer

Alan Bourke

Where's Captain Cyborg?

I miss Captain Cyborg.

2
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Is it the beginning of the end for Visual Basic? Microsoft to focus on 'core scenarios'

Alan Bourke

Re: Fickle Microsoft

No other ecosystem ever changes of course.

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'Maker' couple asphyxiated, probably by laser cutter fumes

Alan Bourke

'Maker'

As a stupid term it's up there with 'millennial'.

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Everything wrong with IoT (and how to fix it) – according to Uncle Sam

Alan Bourke

Everything wrong? Here you go.

1. We can't even keep things that are supposed to be on the internet secure.

2. Most applications of it are stupid and pointless.

3. It's largely just another data-slurping and ad-vectoring mechanism.

4
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Soz fanbois, Apple DIDN'T invent the smartphone after all

Alan Bourke

Re: Apple? Invent?

That's like saying they invented fast cars. It's the car that's important. And again, that comes under 'brilliant design applied to existing concept'.

I used the first Macs in college when the alternative was Nimbus PC's *gak* and VT100 VAX terminals. So I'm glad they did.

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Alan Bourke

Apple? Invent?

They don't invent much, really. If anything. They do apply brilliant design and marketing to things that already exist though and make your granny want one.

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‘Artificial Intelligence’ was 2016's fake news

Alan Bourke

Great to see.

Some sense being spoken about the avalanche of bullshit where pattern recognition etc gets pimped as artificial intelligence.

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Sexbots could ‘over-exert’ their human lovers, academic warns

Alan Bourke

Yeah?

We'll see about that ...

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Uber to Cali DMV: Back off, pal, our 'self-driving cars' aren't self driving

Alan Bourke

Like most of the 'self driving cars' noise at the moment then ...

... largely flim-flam that will never work in most real world applications.

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Meet Hyper.is – the terminal written in HTML, JS and CSS

Alan Bourke

Why? Why? Why?

Because sometimes it's enough for something to look cool, that's why.

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Alan Bourke

Since we're on the subject of alternative consoles

... there's also Cmder.

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Someone just chucked another $21 million at carbon nanotube memory techies

Alan Bourke
Thumb Up

"we have one binary state (zero) and if they are separated we have the other (one)"

Thanks for clarifying.

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Microsoft's nerd goggles will run on a toaster

Alan Bourke

Still no holography involved in this.

the lying liars.

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Beardy Branson's space bird spreads its wings

Alan Bourke

And there was me wondering

why their broadband prices had gone up twice in 6 months.

4
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Jeremy Hunt: Telcos must block teens from sexting each other

Alan Bourke

"Because there is technology that can identify sexually explicit pictures "

No there isn't you absolute Tory tit end.

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New state of matter discovered by superconductivity gurus

Alan Bourke

Have we done

'Mind the pseudogap' yet?

15
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Antivirus tools are a useless box-ticking exercise says Google security chap

Alan Bourke

'Everything should be whitelisted'

i.e. everything must come from our monetised app store.

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Microsoft: We're hiking UK cloud prices 22%. Stop whining – it's the Brexit

Alan Bourke

Re: UK is doomed!!!

Who needs Microsoft? People who need the use the actual software that actual businesses need day to day? Gamers? And so forth.

Well done if you run Linux. So do I. You're delusional if you think it will be the year of Linux on the consumer or corporate desktop any time soon though.

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Pair programming – you'll never guess what happens next!

Alan Bourke

Dumb idea.

Good developers are by nature introverted beasts I think, plus there's always the thinly-disguised contempt for everyone else's perceived lunatic way of doing things.

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5

Stickers emerge as EU's weapon against dud IoT security

Alan Bourke

What we need is a mandatory kill switch on each device.

Marked 'Isolate this device from the internet'.

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Adventures in (re) naming your business: Fire up the 4-syllable random name generator

Alan Bourke

Pilp.com

Sign up today.

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Our Windows windows will be resizable, soooon, vows Microsoft

Alan Bourke

"Windows is only for the young and naive"

And people who need to use actual real software to run their businesses and so forth.

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It's all fun and games until someone loses an AI

Alan Bourke

YES. THIS.

So much lazy use of the term 'AI' being flung around in the tech and wider press at the minute. As if we had anything even approaching an intelligence, as opposed to a very expert system, pattern recognition etc. Are we really any close ro an actual AI than we were in the 1970s or 1980s?

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Lenovo denies claims it plotted with Microsoft to block Linux installs

Alan Bourke

Re: Microsoft will be paying vendors to deploy their malware os Windows 10....

"Microsoft will be paying vendors to deploy their malware os Windows 10...."

They don't need to, most people want to use it anyway.

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50

Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

Alan Bourke

Shit ...

... I can't even remember my MySpace one from 12 years ago ...

1
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Rise of the Machines at Sea: The British firm building robot boats

Alan Bourke

"ASV is working steadily towards true artificial intelligence (AI) on its boats"

This again. The bandying about of the term 'AI' like it's either here or due next year is rife on tech sites now. Pattern recognition and pathfinding is not AI for fuck's sake.

Anyway. These look like they would be very handy for drug smuggling assuming they're small enough to avoid radar detection.

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Pass the 'Milk' to make code run four times faster, say MIT boffins

Alan Bourke

Lovely.

Milky milky.

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Microsoft Desktop Bridge opens, Win32 apps can now cross into Windows Store

Alan Bourke

Re: Safer

>we already know that all the Microsoft apps in the store have search hijackers ...

Eh?

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Hololens for biz shocker: Surprisingly, it doesn't totally suck

Alan Bourke

Does it involve actual holography yet?

or is it still marketing wankspeak for the easily led?

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1

Apple: Crisis? What innovation crisis? BTW, you like our toothbrush?

Alan Bourke

How can they have an innovation crisis

when they've rarely innovated? What, really, have they ever invented, as opposed to applying exceptional design and build quality to things that already existed?

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Linus Torvalds won't apply 'sh*t-for-brains stupid patch'

Alan Bourke

He's probably right

still a big baby.

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Speaking in Tech: Windows is coming to smart refrigerators

Alan Bourke

WHY

for the love of sanity. We can't keep the stuff on the internet that's supposed to be on the internet secure, why the fuck are we connecting fridges?

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Tim Cook: EU lied about Apple taxes. Watch out Ireland, this is a coup!

Alan Bourke

Re: They just picked a number from I don't know where.

BOOM he went there

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More banks plundered through SWIFT attacks

Alan Bourke

Re: It's not 2nd hand gear that's the issue

"Of course, it won't do mentioning that the SWIFT protocol itself is from the age of parchment"

Ain't that the truth ...

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Having offended everyone else in the world, Linus Torvalds calls own lawyers a 'nasty festering disease'

Alan Bourke

Linux is a fucking bell end crybaby

end of.

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Ireland looks like it's outpacing Britain in the superfast broadband rollout stakes

Alan Bourke

I don't think it's much different than the UK in totality.

I live on a 10 year old estate and can get 1 Gbps, and most built-up areas can pull at least 20 Mbps these days. If you're well out in the sticks though it's a very different story and that doesn't strike me as much different from what I see in the UK.

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Oracle reveals Java Applet API deprecation plan

Alan Bourke

True enough.

Web development is a mess. Hey ho.

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Ireland's govt IT: Recession and job cuts forced us to adapt

Alan Bourke

Bill McCluggage

Wasn't he in various Pratchett books?

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