Re: He's dead wrong...
"Or it is neither, depending on your point of view."
Not really a matter of point of view. It looks like it has a superset of the functionality of both tablets and ultrabooks (at least the Pro version fully does, the ARM is a bit more of a mix) without corresponding losses. That's the point of why the minivan analogy was such a poor one. You don't give up any tablet functionality by having a detachable keyboard - detach it and it is a tablet, for example. Even the stated weight is comfortably within range for tablet usage.
"Can I plug it into my 28 inch monitor"
Unless your monitor is old and lacks modern interfaces, then presumably yes. The RT version has built in HDMI and the Pro version has Display Port if I recall correctly. In the event that your monitor is legacy hardware only, you can get adaptors between these interfaces.
" and firewire audio interface so I can run Logic Audio on it in my studio?"
This argument would be germaine if Firewire were a standard thing on laptops. But it isn't. Aside from most laptop users probably not wanting or needing to run Logic Audio on it in their studio, the Surface does come with USB 3.0, so with an adaptor (typically a few quid from Amazon), yes, you can.
"Poking at shiny things with my stubby fingers is of no interest to me."
But your stubby fingers are a constant whether discussing laptops, tablets or hybrids. Therefore we can remove this as a factor from consideration.