* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1815 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

SpaceX finally Falcon flings NASA's TESS into orbit

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

What duck?

The Hawthorne, California team will wing its way to Cape Canaveral, Florida on 4 May for the Bangabandhu 1 launch on the very first of the block fives.

OK admit it, how many other Pratchett fans first read that as Bangbangduc?

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My Tibetan digital detox lasted one morning, how about yours?

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Other Spas are available

I'm sure many of the husbands also prefer it, so they can go down the pub for as long as they want with their mates...

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Elon Musk's mighty erection fires sperm at orbiting space station

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

I'm now getting some rather enjoyable flashbacks of Servalan and "White Mischief"...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

"SpaceX Shoots Star Semen Skyward Showing Surprisingly Satistfactory Space Sperm Sexual Suitability" surely...?

Excellent effort anyway though :)

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: LOHAN

I would say that's the best news I've seen in ages, except it's tinged with the sadness of remembering how much missed he and his great articles here are.

We definitely need a LOHAN launch in his memory and tribute. I can't believe it's 2 years either...

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Sysadmin wiped two servers, left the country to escape the shame

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: 300km?

Or for some of them around here, "into"...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: No shame in cocking up!

The true wisdom is not just to learn from your own mistakes, but to also learn from those of others to save you making your own in the first place.

At least that's my excuse for reading this section on a Monday morning (and On-Call on a Friday)... :)

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Incremental backups?

And of course you just wait for some minion to make an incremental back-up over the top of the full one, or to use the same tape for the full one each month and end up overwriting the historical archive once it gets too full.

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BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: That would be twatsplaining then

Although from personal experience this and bossplaining may be synonyms...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Indeed, that and decruitment I think both are worthy additions to the lexicon...

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Zucker for history: What I learnt about Facebook 600 years ago

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Standard comment

The problem is that while standards enhance reliability and long-term development, they represent a standing target for serial disruptors.

It's the wonderful thing about standards, there are usually so many to chose from for any given topic...

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User asked why CTRL-ALT-DEL restarted PC instead of opening apps

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Feeling Old...

And admit it, how many late night network crashes were triggered by DOOM and those two immortal codes - IDDQD and IDKFA.

It says something that it's a quarter of a century ago and I can still remember them instantly. And yes, I'm another dinosaur who knew both the DOS and D&D meanings of TSR without any need for explanation...

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We sent a vulture to find the relaunched Atari box – and all he got was this lousy baseball cap

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Space oddity?

Just don't start writing odes to them... ;)

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: I think

And then unfortunately got onto the wrong plane and ended up in some tax haven island without an extradition treaty...?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Space oddity?

Given the branding and product history so far, it's unfortunately exactly what I was expecting...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Space oddity?

Mike doesn't know lots of things about the AtariVCS – standing for Atari video computer system – which is odd because he's the exec in charge of it.

I wouldn't say that it's odd or uncommon - I know a lot of middle and occasionally senior managers in charge of projects that they know absolutely nothing about beyond the fancy PowerPoint buzzwords and maybe the title.

Of course this doesn't stop them claiming all the glory and taking the credit when they are completed...

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Fancy a viaduct? We have a wrought Victorian iron marvel to sell you

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Another one for the glory list

One other example (this time in brick and stone) is the Ouse Valley Viaduct (aka the Balcombe Viaduct) in Sussex, between Balcombe and Haywards Heath.

It's another stunner of a hidden gem. In terms of magnificent architecture it's great, at least now they've fixed it up after a sad number of decades of neglect (which was kinda worrying given it carries the main line between London and Brighton).

But if you're driving down towards HH from the East Grinstead/Crawley/Gatwick area via the backroads (rather than the M23) it's a wonderful surprise to go round a bend or two in the tree-lined road and then suddenly this beauty appears in front of you (and indeed over you, as the road goes through one of its arches).

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UK's London Gatwick Airport boasts of driverless vehicle trial

Anonymous Custard
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Linux

Re: autonomous bee in the bonnet

And after their recent FCK-up, I'm sure DHL would be rather afraid of KFC looking into self-delivering chicken...

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British Level 4 driverless pods are whizzing along ... er, a London path

Anonymous Custard
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Paris Hilton

The pod or the safety first lady?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: So those kids with back to front hats...

A couple of well aimed super soakers?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: One issue....

Having seen the state of some of the roads around here of late, I think they've mixed up the spec and laid us a long wide pavement to drive on...

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Sysadmin held a rack of servers off the ground for 15 mins, crashed ISP when he put them down

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

It was in the filing cabinet just behind the planning applications...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Or check if the pins on the power plug are clean...

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I couldn't give a Greek clock about your IoT fertility tracker

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Field conferences in nice places.

I guess having an activity of "networking over the Antikythera Mechanism" is probably being a little too obvious?

Or maybe some people would be wondering what network speed it could achieve?

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Office junior had one job: Tearing perforated bits off tractor-feed dot matrix printer paper

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Lost count...

Whilst my zen for creative accountancy on expenses and travel requests may be fairly advanced, I think even I might struggle to get approval on that one.

Although it would be fun trying, and even more so if it succeeded.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: out of paper!

Also brings back memories of university days (a quarter of a century ago, eeek!) and the shared old HP laserjet which people were forced to use. Normally not much of an issue, except when some puppet tried to send a postscript image file directly to it, where for certain files rather than printing out an image on a nice single sheet, it tried to print out a few random characters per page on every page in the tray until it ran out.

Of course by sods law this always happened out of hours, and when you had something you needed to print urgently. Especially annoying when they just bunged the paper back in again after sorting things out, so your print-out ended up with various random characters superimposed on it.

Still it did end up with me being given admin rights to the print queue to help kill off such jobs, which I never ever used to queue-jump my printing rather than wait half an hour, honest guv'nor.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Lost count...

@Richard Gray - I take your highlands and raise you a Japanese HQ, where some of the minions think that "Europe" is one country where any location can be reached from any other in a matter of a couple of hours.

Best one they tried was a morning appointment in Sicily and an afternoon one in Newcastle...

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A ghoulish tale of pigs, devs and docs revived from the dead

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Secret is out

That's swans.

Ducks just bob along peacefully and then suddenly disappear completely by diving underwater for no apparent reason before popping up randomly a few feet away.

Although I've known projects where the latter would actually be more of an accurate description...

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Your mouse can't reach that Excel cell? Buy a 'desk extender' said help desk bluffer

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Have you solved a problem with a lie?

Just be careful not to overdo it and end up as a politician instead...

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Android P will hear no evil, see no evil, support evil notches

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Polo Mint

Well they are allowing notches, so why not holes?

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Sysadmin left finger on power button for an hour to avert SAP outage

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

The hardware version...

I take your server shutdowns and offer you a colleague doing it on a semiconductor manufacturing machine (of course in the middle of running 150 production wafers). Needed to power down machine A in a bank of them to work on it, so goes around the back and accidentally hits the power button on machine b beside it. Bye-bye 150 product wafers towards the end of their production flow, in all worth a many thousands of dollars.

We are now strictly verboten from even touching any machine which doesn't have clear ID labelling (customer responsibility to add those, the ones above didn't) and even then we have to point and say plus buddy-check. This is not to say that it hasn't happened since these measures were introduced of course, given some of my colleagues and the old adage about idiot-proofing...

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Another day, another meeting, another £191bn down the pan

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: "... meetings that they weren't invited to"

The key distinction being that the person making the promises (and attending the meeting) is rarely also the person who actually has to keep that promise and actually get things done...

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Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: "all a meeting achieves is a mass downing of tools"

Ah yes, the trusty old engineer* standard response to management -

"Do you want to spend the time having a meeting about how to solve the problem, or should I just waste the time actually doing so?"

If I had a dollar for every time I've had to say that to sales and management types, especially those who like to get involved with both success (and take the credit) and failure (to distribute the blame without a hint of taking any themselves), then I wouldn't have to avoid so many of the damn meetings in the first place...

*engineer being of course the poor mug who actually has to keep the dreams and promised that came from a previous series of management meetings that they weren't invited to nor had any say in the outcome of.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Telephone sanitisers anonymous

Anyone else read today's masterwork and have an overriding need to go watch/read/listen to Hitchhikers again? I'm sure there's some decedents from the B-ark crew around the table.

Oh how we miss thee dear Douglas. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean my telephone...

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IT peeps, be warned: You'll soon be a museum exhibit

Anonymous Custard
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Thumb Down

Re: What job will last forever

Manager - computer says no...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Back in the day

I recall a conversation I had with my kids a few weeks back, as one of them was doing "modern history" at school.

They seemed amazed that when I was their age (early teens or just coming up to them) the Internet/WWW and mobile phones basically didn't exist for the common man (I'm mid-40's), we only had 3 or 4 channels on the TV, and if we wanted to change between them we had to get up and push a button.

Also when I was at university (25 years or so ago) I can remember the first 1GB hard drive appearing in the building, and when I wrote my PhD thesis (in LaTeX and CorelDraw) the whole thing fitted on two floppy disks. Kinda sobering to consider that I have more storage and processing capacity about my person as I type this than we had in the whole department back in the day.

Christ I feel old now, so get off my damn lawn, young whippersnappers!

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Mars is red, Earth is blue. Here's a space laser story for you

Anonymous Custard
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Alien

...cos there's bugger all down here on Earth..

Sorry, had to be linked after a comment like that.

OK any excuse to play it again really...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Nope - I also thought it sounded like something you'd end up noshing after a heavy night on the sake in downtown Tokyo...

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Anonymous Custard
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Alien

Amateurs

Everyone knows for this kind of work you need an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator

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See that over Heathrow? It's not an airliner – it's a Predator drone

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Buy one, get one (or two) free?

So far nobody has yet demonstrated anything superior to the Mk.1 eyeball and pilot

One would have hoped the two came as a package, or else it gets rather icky...

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Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Re: To be served with chips & curry sauce obv.

Half-half of chips and rice to make it sheer perfection - the joy of chips plus the absorbency of the rice to stop the curry sauce going everywhere.

Hmm, dinner plans a-brewing...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Cosmopolitan or Klingon?

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Anonymous Custard
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Angel

Memorial

I would eat it in loving memory of the dearly departed and much missed Lester of course.

In a salute to some of the post-pub nosh he introduced us to over the years...

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

I was wondering if you meant doner meat, but I'm not altogether sure yours isn't more accurate :)

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Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Re: it’s the first Sunday of February, which would make it the fifth this year.

So does that make it a blue super blood pizza pudding?

As for me, I'd serve it with beer, following on from a beer starter and with beer for dessert. Possibly a crate each of Peroni and Black Sheep to be in(n) keeping.

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So you accidentally told a million people they are going to die: What next? Your essential guide...

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Cyber-attack

Quick, let's invade Thespia!

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Crowdfunding small print binned as Retro Computers Ltd loses court refund action

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: One down, hopefully many to go!

I sometimes seriously wonder if there actually has been one IndieGoGo project which actually worked and fulfilled its promises.

The PiTop Ceed and the Fing Fingbox both spring to mind as ones I've backed and been very pleased with. But I also admit that probably says more about the quality of the companies themselves rather than anything to do with IndieGoGo.

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To hack Australia and learn its secrets, buy second-hand furniture

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Not that uncommon, simply you don't hear about it often.

I think I'd be too afraid of whatever else I might find to go poking about under an old mortuary floor with just a torch...

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User stepped on mouse, complained pedal wasn’t making PC go faster

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

There's a lot to be said for letting people learn through their mistakes.

Very true, but there's even more to be said for teaching them to learn from other people's as well...

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Ever wondered why tech products fail so frequently? No, me neither

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Re: Appliance Failures

Nah, I think Dabbsy should just give up this pretence of being a mild(ish) mannered journalist and admin that he actually is Superman...

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