* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1905 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

Can't get pranked by your team if nobody in the world can log on

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

I had something similar done to me back in the day - my keyboard got swapped with one that had blank keys. But like you it was a shame they didn't realise I too basically touch-type now, and they were a bit upset when I just sat down and started using it as normal...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: the old "rotate the monitor" trick

The one we used to do on "left unlocked" machines was to make up faked contact versions of various higher-up people in the company (using their address-book name but a bad email address), and then send nasty/dodgy/embarassing email to them from the machine, with a cc to the users email address. And of course deleting the contacts afterwards, plus the bounce messages from the fake addresses.

So when they came back, they found a message in their inbox that they'd apparently sent to various managers/board members/anyone we felt like and duly of course panicked. It went on for a surprising length of time, both for people not learning to lock their machines but also not hearing about it being done.

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All through the house, not a creature was stirring... especially Samsung smartwatches: Batteries empty at 3AM

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Re: 3AM Eternal

So maybe a million of the watches should be taken to Jura and burned (or given they're Samsung, just left to do it themselves eventually)?

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Chinese biz baron wants to shove his artificial moon where the sun doesn't shine – literally

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Alternatively - as a weapon ...

OK, you're Mr Burns and I claim my $5... :D

http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Sun_Blocker

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Once more with feeling: Windows 10 October 2018 Update inches closer to relaunch

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: I'm just wondering

Most companies that do use Windows 10 are probably rather more picky about if/when they do update stuff, so that the unfortunate public can act as the canaries for all of this.

For example I'm typing this on my company PC, which has a fairly much uneventful Win10 config, albeit the 1703 build rather than anything too cutting edge. I doubt our corporate IT group are unusual in such caution.

Aside from the public users (of which I'm also one at home, although I don't rush to update there either) it's the small business users I feel especially sorry for. Those not large enough to be able to be so choosy about what, when and how they run, but in real financial danger if it does go tits-up.

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NASA gently nudges sleeping space 'scopes Chandra, Hubble out of gyro-induced stupor

Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Great news

Nice to start the day with some good and positive news.

Spin up a few pints for the NASA boffins!

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Bloodhound Super-Sonic-Car lacks Super-Sonic-Cashflow

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Corporate Risk

Easy solution - just put it on the bottom of the hull, somewhere on or near the keel...?

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Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Are you Sue?

Shirley wouldn't it be Donim, Sue ?

Anyway given the modern propensity for people to give their kids name variants that just makes them look either dyslexic, illiterate or just plain stupid (or all three - my kids have classmates such as Aymie and Joolee for examples) you do have to wonder if it's quite as obvious as it might be...

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Russian rocket goes BOOM again – this time with a crew on it

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Apollo 7

Apollo 7 was so successful (despite a slightly poorly and stroppy crew)

Come on, given what happened to the previous crewed trials on Apollo (the Apollo 1 fire) you have to give them serious credit for having the balls to set foot in the thing at all. I think a little slack should be cut for them there, especially given they probably also knew NASA wouldn't put their top astronauts on such a test...

Plus is was also the first use of the Saturn 1B rocket as well of course as being the first Apollo mission to actually go into space, both just to make things even more interesting...

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Astroboffins may have found the first exomoon lurking beyond the Solar System

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Moons of the moons?

So it's moons all the way down, or depending on your viewpoint, around...

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JAXA probe's lucky MASCOT plonks down on space rock Ryugu without a hitch

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Well given the history of such landers (and landings) a srimech device is probably not such a daft idea to include...

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Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: @big_D

Not to mention Intel and fuses...

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Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Man's best friend

Just picture it, me striding around public parks with my Pedo app clearly visible on my smartphone screen for all to see. I'm sure to attract a crowd.

And then you could do the variant for those early and late jaunts with ones canine, and have a Dogging app?

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Attempt to clean up tech area has shocking effect on kit

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Why is it always the cleaners?

Brings to mind a story I heard regarding a new security guard at a semiconductor fab, who thought it would be a good idea to also patrol the cleanroom. Unfortunately no-one had told him of the requirements for bunny suits etc, and so he just casually strolled in wearing his normal uniform and apparently even with a cup of coffee in hand.

Still at least this cleaner story didn't involve the usual suspect of nylon tights, or indeed other garments worn around the same region...

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Blueprint of modern construction can be found in a tech cluster... of 19th century England

Anonymous Custard
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Thumb Up

A good short-break destination area

Have to say that whole area is very good for a short (or indeed not-so-short) holiday for people interested in heritage industry and that sort of thing.

Not just the whole Ironbridge area (there's a lot more than just the bridge - Enginuity plus several interesting museums all available on one ticket price), but Blist's Hill and of course now this as well.

A few years back we did a week in the area, and it was very enjoyable and fascinating (and I'm not sure we saw everything even then). Would certainly recommend it, a very good time indeed.

https://www.ironbridge.org.uk/

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NASA to celebrate 55th anniversary of first Moon landing by, er, deciding how to land humans on the Moon again

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

I need new glasses...

2020 will see the first uncrewed SLS/Orion mission to the “lunar vicinity”

Why did I read that initially as the first unscrewed mission?

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Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Anonymous Custard
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Coat

Re: Yesterday someone asked Alexa...

Nah, someone asked it to go and make a cup of tea...

Mine's the robe with the towel in the pocket.

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First it was hashtags – now Amber Rudd gives us Brits knowledge on national ID cards

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Amber Rudd

Maybe better to use the new super sewer, given it's supposed to help lower the turd count in the Thames?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

I'm just waiting for all this to be taken to its logical conclusion and we outsource the government to the private sector.

Although I guess some would say we already have, given the power of some companies in lobbying etc. and how much contempt they seem to treat national authorities...

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Raspberry Pi supremo Eben Upton talks to The Reg about Pi PoE woes

Anonymous Custard
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Coat

Re: Works on my switch

No, Tesla..

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A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice

As ever, Pratchett sums up the fallacy of penny pinching and small budgets to a tee (and applies to servers, PCs and indeed most project items just as much as boots)...

A really good pair of leather boots, the sort that would last years and years, cost fifty dollars. This was beyond his pocket and the most he could hope for was an affordable pair of boots costing ten dollars, which might with luck last a year or so before he would need to resort to makeshift cardboard insoles so as to prolong the moment of shelling out another ten dollars.

Therefore over a period of ten years, he might have paid out a hundred dollars on boots, twice as much as the man who could afford fifty dollars up front ten years before. And he would still have wet feet.

https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sam_Vimes_Theory_of_Economic_Injustice

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Sympathy for any employee, anywhere, since time began ...

Reminds me of what happened here a couple of years ago.

I'm a 20-year veteran, so have been there and done that on most things. But we have a new tool-type which is different to our existing run of the mill stuff (I work for a semiconductor manufacturing tool vendor), and I was asked to support it. Also as background I'm a certified trainer on the older tool types.

So get trotted of around the globe for a week's training on aforesaid tool. All very nice and jolly, except I got back home to an email proudly congratulating me on now being a certified trainer for that new tool type too.

Yup, after a grand total of a week's hand-on with the new tool, I was expected to (and indeed actually had to) train both colleagues and customers on them. Shall we say the first couple of courses were "interesting", but at least they sharpened up my skills at winging it and educated guesswork...

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SpaceX dodges lightning while storms keep Japan earthbound

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: It's almost unbelievable...

Although the warning from history about when the original manned launches went the same way (hint - Apollo 13) may be a timely reminder here to be careful what you wish for.

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A flash of inspiration sees techie get dirty to fix hospital's woes

Anonymous Custard
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Re: I do all my own stunts?

It was a choice between the Paris and joke alert icons.

But y'know, Paris always wins...

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Anonymous Custard
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Paris Hilton

I do all my own stunts?

Perhaps even the most apparently simple tasks really are best left to the pros.

Yes but how much is the standard rate to employ a professional stuntman/woman/person/being to fall through the ceiling on your behalf?

Paris, for many reasons...

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Post-silly season blues leave me bereft of autonomous robot limbs

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Uncommon

“A further 23% would even sacrifice one of their senses,” the report continues, failing to notice the irony that this particular sampling of millennials have evidently done so already.

Common failed to make the option list, as it's already long gone...

Anyway haven't any of them seen Spider-Man 2? Did Doc Oc die for nothing?

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Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Do you want fries with that?

CPU - Central Potato Unit?

I think Crispy Potato Unit.

Chipped potato unit?

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Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Re: A blood sacrifice on hardware...

It also depends somewhat on exactly whose blood it actually is...

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Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Giovanni sounds complicit

I thought that kind of viewpoint was swiftly corrected by the midwife slapping you to get you crying (and breathing) shortly after you've left your mother...?

Rather sets the trend for life for the average helldesk or trainer minion...

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Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Copier warning

I think I might need to have a friendly quiet word with my laptop and remind it that it's not a copier, so to stop acting like one based on that...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

The laying on of hands

Percussive maintenance is not just knowing where to hit, but when and how hard.

And there are times when a gentle touch works much better of course. But as with everything, it's knowing where to touch...

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Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Not in IT...

But usually nowhere does it say that they need to be trained competently, correctly or completely.

Or to be taught all the little tricks and secrets like the precise locations that the machines need to be struck for percussive maintenance to make things better rather than worse...

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Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Jukebox

Nah, he would have just snapped his fingers to resolve it...

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♫ The Core i9 clock cycles go up. Who cares where they come down?

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: The song the headline refers to...

Ah well, now that song's in my head I'm just going to have to put on "An Evening Wasted" and go the whole hog...

"Spring is here, spring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer..."

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Microsoft's 'room-scale' Ginormonitor probably not as big as a room

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Trollface

Does whatever a spider can?

Equipped with a 20-point touch display, the screen would be ideal for an expensive, if brief, game of Twister

Or for Spider-Man to give team briefings to the Avengers?

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Official: The shape of the smartphone is changing forever

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

As long as the volume also goes up to 11, then everyone will be happy... ;)

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No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Employ them to do the entering?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Slight variation

A super soaker might be simpler.

What you fill it with depends on how annoying they've been...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Talk like an Egyptian

@getHandle - Most smart phones have proximity sensors that disable the screen when it's held close to your head.

Unfortunately some people seem to have proximity sensors which disable their brain when the phone's held close to their heads...

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Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Re: Slight variation

If they're being particularly obnoxious it's fun just to join in and make your own comments loud enough to be heard by the remote party too. And of course make them as brain-dead and sarcastic as you can.

Even the most thick-headed moron will usually get that kind of hint that they've become a freakshow. And if all else fails you can just say you thought it was an open party line that anyone could join in as you're being forced to listen to it anyway.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Only yesterday...

"The Apprentice" and its vain morons who don't want to risk the phone obscuring their face from the camera has a lot to answer for, this being one of the worst trends...

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Google offers to leave robocallers hanging on the telephone

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: "If the AI detects that a machine is calling you and you don't want to speak to the machine ..."

Try the following response, in as sinister/weirdo voice as you can manage, and end it with an evil chuckle:

"Ah no, it wasn't an accident, it was quite deliberate. He was the last person to cold-call spam me but I got him back..."

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Automated payment machines do NOT work the same all over the world – as I found out

Anonymous Custard
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Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Entering New Zealand

An obstacle of managers? Or perhaps an obstruction?

Or as STP would probably allow under license, an embuggerance...

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Not OK Google: Massive outage turns smart home kit utterly dumb

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Nobody Expects

They add Spanish, so the devices now know about siesta's and decided to try one out in all this hot weather?

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Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Trollface

Ah the old "we're so much better than you as we have the web, simple apps, easy block coding and all this other fancy stuff like IOT and self driving cars" modern day view.

To which we old greybeards of course reply "we never had any of that, so we rolled up our sleeves and created all that stuff you take for granted..."

And yes, I can remember when all this were fields, now get off my land! ;-D

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Anonymous Custard
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Alien

Re: Will the give out the source code for Elite?

There's nothing poor about it, at least if you're playing it right...

Right on Commander!

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India tells its banks to get Windows XP off ATMs – in 2019!

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Question?

Between arriving and boarding a plane at most airports you'll see at least a couple of PC's running XP (or occasionally even older Windows). Not to mention the common sight at the gate of them printing off the passenger manifest on a dot-matrix printer.

Luckily all just controlling the cattle movement of bodies onto planes rather than anything too safety critical, but still makes you wonder sometimes...

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Tech rookie put decimal point in wrong place, cost insurer zillions

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Not just lira

Ah you mean the kind of scenario leading to the age-old joke of someone pushing a huge wad of notes in a wire shopping trolley to go buy a loaf of bread. They get mugged and someone steals the trolley, leaving the pile of notes behind?

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