* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1969 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

Return of the audio format wars and other money-making scams

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: New phrase. Thank you.

Depends a little if you've followed the trend of burdening him/her a weird and wonderful semi-phonetic variation on spelling their name (Aymee, Joolie, Andru, Krystofer, Konner, Jaxson and such like) which rather than making them distinct just makes them look like the offspring of either dyslexics or morons who can't spell.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: ZpulNg

Beware of what you say - I was looking at the Daily Mail in the staff breakroom over lunch (the only rag left available, in my own defense) and guess what today's "guess the meaning of the word" word was?

Yup, Smishing (2017)...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: If you're looking for a challenge...

Nah, the true audiophile hipster wouldn't have anything less than a 12-piece orchestra residing at home for the true aural experience.

Really old school - baroque and roll...

Crash, bang, wallop: What a power-down. But what hit the kill switch?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge

Re: Hardware option

We wouldn't be allowed in the cleanroom with all that make-up. And they (sadly) don't make black bunny suits..

Of course the fact that the EMO buttons didn't actually kill the power to everything was only recently realised, and indeed on the odd occasion didn't actually do anything at all. But that's a whole other story.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge

But sadly you will have to look for another girl...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Placement of kill switch and other quirks

Especially for those who are colourblind...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Hardware option

On a more hardware side, some of our older kit (semiconductor manufacturing machines) shipped with their bright red EMO mushroom buttons entirely exposed, as it was mandatory for CE marking (being able to whack them from any angle).

Of course this lead to the inevitable misoperation, from being smacked by various operator body parts (the front panel buttons were at roughly arse level for example, and the ones at the rear usually around chest height).

Needless to say the first thing most of our customers did after the tools were installed (sometimes before they were even powered on) was glue perspex collars around all the buttons to try and prevent this.

Forget lost program runs, try losing 150 wafers worth of chips-in-production. Not cheap...

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: But...

Anything by SmallFilms and Oliver Postgate/Peter Firmin are classics and gets my vote.

But I have to admit a soft spot for Bod and Ludwig as well, but I'm showing my age...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Doctor Who

It's also interesting with those storylines that the programme has more or less come full-circle. The original premise for the show when it first began in the 60's was that it would be more of an educational set-up, doing such adventures in historical times to showcase them and the facts about them.

Granddaddy of the DIY repair generation John Haynes has loosened his last nut

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Joke

I bought a Lada a month ago and bought the Haynes manual for it a week later!

Which was more expensive?

Holy planetesimal formation, Batman! Ultima Thule's no snowman – it's a friggin' pancake

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Joke

New Year Diet?

Come on - the images were taken around New Year. Binge diet time...

Had they got there a week earlier it'd have shown the thing stuffed full, spherical and quite probably wobbling around pissed.

Hold horror stories: Chief, we've got a f*cking idiot on line 1. Oh, you heard all that

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Pirate

Re: id10t

Mouse or keyboard driver issues are also usefully subtle ones...

Reliable system was so reliable, no one noticed its licence had expired... until it was too late

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Not only computer gear

Ridicule, replace and maybe even resign should probably be in there somewhere too.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Flame

Re: I generate the licenses..

If located there...?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Likewise, especially as 1-3 can be done for free but 4 and 5 would involve some budget.

It's always depressing how much extra hassle can be accepted by they on high to save a few pence, especially when it's not them who are getting the hassle.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Pirate

Re: Expired licence checked only at startup

Just cut out the middle-man and hack the MD?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Gimp

Re: I generate the licenses..

I was picturing a rubber band around the base of the scrotum...

Tie-wrap would be more suitable?

The single-use non-releasable kind of course (except by wielding a sharp edge)...

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

It's one of those unwritten skills that anyone who knows which end of a screwdriver is expected to have. Alongside photocopier unjamming, coffee machine repair and mending/configuring of any random small electronic gizmos that may be produced.

UK transport's 'ludicrous' robocar code may 'put lives at risk'

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Potholes

That was my initial response to reading that as well.

"Why can't they spot them? There are usually so many of them to choose from..."

Original WWII German message decrypts to go on display at National Museum of Computing

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Obligatory

Ze knobs! Zay are flashing again!

Using WhatsApp for your business comms? It's either that or reinstall Lotus Notes

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Our place "upgraded" us from Lync to Skype for Business.

Lasted about 3 weeks worth of bugs, non-functionality and general issues before that one got reverted...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: No choice

It does raise the question for dealing with confidential customer data where you personally have signed an NDA (as opposed to a blanket NDA between your and their companies).

As any email you receive containing such information or possibly with it attached can be read by your company IT admins etc should it take their fancy, presumably even using company-provided communications means would/should be forbidden?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Thumb Up

I'm not sure whether to be pleased or worried that as soon as I saw the word "Troos" in the article, that particular song began playing in the back of my mind before I'd even got to the bottom of the article and the YouTube vid (which of course had to get a play).

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

You think you've got problems - mine plays Ode to Joy by the Muppets (with a little help from Beethoven)...

That said it's certainly a unique ringtone and I always know when it's my phone ringing when I've left it on my desk when I get a coffee etc. It always raises a smile when people hear it for the first time too (and is quite infamous around the office, although thankfully I don't get that many calls on it).

And yes it does often end up on silent mode, but only because I've turned it off to silence those damn annoying pop-up ads without mute buttons when I've been playing a game on the phone and forgot to switch the ringer back on again. Why can't the iPhone have seperate volume controls for ringer and media?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: so

I heard he tried all trades but couldn't master any of them.

But people say he's alright...

Microsoft decides Internet Explorer 10 has had its fun: Termination set for January 2020

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Not to mention examples like (the now Microsoft owned) Github, which doesn't support IE at all (even IE11) and presents you with a banner suggesting to use Chrome, Edge or Firefox if you open it up in IE.

That said it does generally seem to work under IE11 (at least last time it did when I had to quickly do something from work using their supplied IE11 anyway).

NASA's Opportunity rover celebrates 15 years on Mars – by staying as dead as a doornail

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Thumb Up

Yup, mine too. Have an upvote.

Slightly scary that Opportunity has actually lasted longer than any car I've had down here on the blue marble...

Users fail to squeak through basic computer skills test. Well, it was the '90s

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Wrong way mouse

Well to be fair, if the only reference you have is a "real" mouse then it's understandable.

How many scurrying rodents have their tails coming out of their noses?

The buttons and usually the ergonomic shape would of course be clues though, I grant you.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge

Re: felt pad

I still occasionally have to do it on my optical intellimouse. Not around any ball/roller of course, but MS in their wisdom put 4 pads on the corners of the base to give some clearance between the pad and the emitter/detectors.

They seem to collect gunk and crud just as well as the old mice innards used to.

And yes it is oddly satisfying cleaning it all off occasionally.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Mice are not particularly intuitive

A bit off on a tangent, but reminds me of a skill I learned whilst doing undergrad lab demonstrating in my postgrad days. The UG were working on the lab benches (basically big tables) with the normal stools/bags etc so you couldn't really work beside them, so tended to work across the table from the other side.

They all had lab books etc, into which we also would write stuff to help them along whilst explaining the particular experiment they were doing. It always caused surprise during the first few weeks of doing this when I'd pull their book towards me and start writing in it upside down (ie so it was still facing them and they could read it normally). Was always easier doing that then turning it round, writing my bit and then having to turn back for them to read.

Towards the end I was told my upside-down handwriting was actually neater than my normal writing. That said I hold a doctorate, so my normal writing looks like a drunken spider's output anyway.

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Mouse balls

Single ended cotton buds (Q-tips for the leftpondian readership) used to work great as well.

Used the cotton end to wipe, and the non-cotton end to scrape/scratch anything that was particularly attached and hanging on tightly. Or if all else failed then an unbent paperclip for the latter job (and of course any decent helldesk minion or BoFH has several of those around for poking in holes...)

Data hackers are like toilet ninjas. This is not a clean crime, you know

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Inquiring minds want to know...

at least they won't forget their numbers

And it neatly deals with remembering their luggage combination as well...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Cow orker

Not in the boot/trunk - you discretely secrete it in the air vent intake under the bonnet/hood.

That way when they smell it and turn up the air to try and clear it...

Or I guess you could put a cow's ork in there if that floats your boat.

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Alien

Re: Gah. Users.

@Lilolefrostback - and with that I now have the Galaxy Song stuck in my brain (again) - especially the last line...

https://youtu.be/buqtdpuZxvk

Slack to fend off the collaboration competition with... a new logo

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Thumb Down

Re: smoking

And the article doesn't even have the best (or rather worst) part - on mobile they decided that a background in a shade of bruise purple would be just the thing to top everything off.

So basically they've taken a logo that they were worried about people cocking up the implementation of, and more or less pre-cocked it up for them.

Absolutely awful. You've had your fun, now can we have the old logo back please?

Cortana and Search to innovate separately in an amicable Windows 10 Insider split

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Alien

Mirror, mirror?

It's a rare and happy day when we take something emitted by Microsoft that we're told is busted and find it works a treat.

You kinda get the feeling someone in Microsoft has got their parity bit flipped, or at least has a reversed understanding of what "working" means compared to the rest of us.

Either that or this really is an alternative reality mirror universe? If so do we have to grow a hipster goatie like Mr Spock?

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

What's in a name?

Verily, I am the literary equivalent of an embarrassing robotic vibrator.

Well you've always referred to yourself as a "a freelance technology tart", so what'd you expect?

Not to say that it wouldn't be a great line to have on your business card, somewhat like the "consultant nymphomaniac" ones that a female friend of mine occasionally used to use when she was feeling wicked...

If I could turn back time, I'd tell you to keep that old Radarange at home

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Joke

Re: Pesky microwaves

You'd need to speak with Rudoph about that...

Chinese rover pootles about... on the far side of the friggin' MOON

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: I can just imagine the timeline

So what shines on them?

Or is that only the pink ones?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Test Article

It's the first crew to actually ride in one of them that need to be working on those to make sure they're steely enough...

New Horizons snaps finish buffering: Ultima Thule actually two dust bunnies that got snuggly 4.5 billion years ago

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

He'll be back again some day?

...and scientists theorise that smaller objects have settled in the valley, or "neck", where the lobes meet, giving a brighter appearance

Nah, my money's on an interstellar scarf. Just wait for the further images when a giant carrot and a few large lumps of coal are found on the surface.

We've had rubber ducks and now a seasonal(ish) snowmen. Nice to see that nature really does have a sense of humour. Top boffinry all round though!

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Along the same vein ...

Or just offer a quote for your freelance professional support services.

That being of course roughly 5-10x what they originally paid you to do the role before they canned you...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

It's one of the first things you learn at uni when you go into post-grad education (and for the advanced player even undergrad education).

Forget professors and lecturers - if you get on the good side of secretaries, security, storesmen and technicians (including syshacks) you can get absolutely anything done and in an amazingly short time.

The best lesson I ever learned in education, one that's served me very well in my real life pretending to be gainfully employed (well I pretend to work and they pretend to pay me, so it balances!).

Editted to add - I see I wasn't the only one to learn that lesson. Nice one big_D!

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: took the day off

One of the great maxims of life:

If it goes right no-one remembers.

If it goes wrong no-one forgets.

Oh Deer! Poacher sentenced to 12 months of regular Bambi screenings in the cooler

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

It's not unusual

...the soundtracks of Frozen and Moana are, in fact, significantly worse than monthly viewings of Bambi, but may also run afoul of US laws forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Cruel yes, but sadly not so unusual.

Happy Christmas! Bloodhound SSC refuelled by Yorkshire business chap

Anonymous Custard Silver badge

Re: @MonkeyBob

Or at least a proper cup of Yorkshire tea...

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Flame

It's always reminded me more of this Darwin Award winner, and of course the subsequent televisation courtesy of Mythbusters (at least 3-4 times over).

But yes that image is now nestled in there as well.

Definitely a massive engineering thumbs up though, wonderful news for a Monday morning.

No not THAT kind of Office Wizard! Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Director of ...

Water should we make of dam awful puns lake that? Dew know?

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Statistically speaking

So brush up on your CHR, DEX and INT*. Syspaladin or open-sorcerer, Lawful Good or Chaotic Evil, you too could solve those office disputes with a simple cast of a 20-sided die. ®

* Strength, Dexterity, Intelligence... Sigh. Sadly, we didn't have to look this up. Other fantasy games can be played with a D20. Not sold separately. Ahem. [Reg dork-desk]

Umm, isn't CHR charisma, not strength? Probably more appropriate in the circumstances I guess though, at least unless things get less than diplomatic.

The D20 has always been a useful solution for such things, either by rolling as this time or if all else fails as a projectile weapon...

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

Anonymous Custard Silver badge
Trollface

Re: They're here...

@CAPS LOCK "Microsoft Online Reputation Oversight Network Services", or Morons for short?

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019