* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1888 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

First it was hashtags – now Amber Rudd gives us Brits knowledge on national ID cards

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Amber Rudd

Maybe better to use the new super sewer, given it's supposed to help lower the turd count in the Thames?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

I'm just waiting for all this to be taken to its logical conclusion and we outsource the government to the private sector.

Although I guess some would say we already have, given the power of some companies in lobbying etc. and how much contempt they seem to treat national authorities...

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Raspberry Pi supremo Eben Upton talks to The Reg about Pi PoE woes

Anonymous Custard
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Coat

Re: Works on my switch

No, Tesla..

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A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice

As ever, Pratchett sums up the fallacy of penny pinching and small budgets to a tee (and applies to servers, PCs and indeed most project items just as much as boots)...

A really good pair of leather boots, the sort that would last years and years, cost fifty dollars. This was beyond his pocket and the most he could hope for was an affordable pair of boots costing ten dollars, which might with luck last a year or so before he would need to resort to makeshift cardboard insoles so as to prolong the moment of shelling out another ten dollars.

Therefore over a period of ten years, he might have paid out a hundred dollars on boots, twice as much as the man who could afford fifty dollars up front ten years before. And he would still have wet feet.

https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sam_Vimes_Theory_of_Economic_Injustice

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Sympathy for any employee, anywhere, since time began ...

Reminds me of what happened here a couple of years ago.

I'm a 20-year veteran, so have been there and done that on most things. But we have a new tool-type which is different to our existing run of the mill stuff (I work for a semiconductor manufacturing tool vendor), and I was asked to support it. Also as background I'm a certified trainer on the older tool types.

So get trotted of around the globe for a week's training on aforesaid tool. All very nice and jolly, except I got back home to an email proudly congratulating me on now being a certified trainer for that new tool type too.

Yup, after a grand total of a week's hand-on with the new tool, I was expected to (and indeed actually had to) train both colleagues and customers on them. Shall we say the first couple of courses were "interesting", but at least they sharpened up my skills at winging it and educated guesswork...

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SpaceX dodges lightning while storms keep Japan earthbound

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: It's almost unbelievable...

Although the warning from history about when the original manned launches went the same way (hint - Apollo 13) may be a timely reminder here to be careful what you wish for.

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A flash of inspiration sees techie get dirty to fix hospital's woes

Anonymous Custard
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Re: I do all my own stunts?

It was a choice between the Paris and joke alert icons.

But y'know, Paris always wins...

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Anonymous Custard
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Paris Hilton

I do all my own stunts?

Perhaps even the most apparently simple tasks really are best left to the pros.

Yes but how much is the standard rate to employ a professional stuntman/woman/person/being to fall through the ceiling on your behalf?

Paris, for many reasons...

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Post-silly season blues leave me bereft of autonomous robot limbs

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Uncommon

“A further 23% would even sacrifice one of their senses,” the report continues, failing to notice the irony that this particular sampling of millennials have evidently done so already.

Common failed to make the option list, as it's already long gone...

Anyway haven't any of them seen Spider-Man 2? Did Doc Oc die for nothing?

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Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Do you want fries with that?

CPU - Central Potato Unit?

I think Crispy Potato Unit.

Chipped potato unit?

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Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Re: A blood sacrifice on hardware...

It also depends somewhat on exactly whose blood it actually is...

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Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Giovanni sounds complicit

I thought that kind of viewpoint was swiftly corrected by the midwife slapping you to get you crying (and breathing) shortly after you've left your mother...?

Rather sets the trend for life for the average helldesk or trainer minion...

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Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Copier warning

I think I might need to have a friendly quiet word with my laptop and remind it that it's not a copier, so to stop acting like one based on that...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

The laying on of hands

Percussive maintenance is not just knowing where to hit, but when and how hard.

And there are times when a gentle touch works much better of course. But as with everything, it's knowing where to touch...

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Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Not in IT...

But usually nowhere does it say that they need to be trained competently, correctly or completely.

Or to be taught all the little tricks and secrets like the precise locations that the machines need to be struck for percussive maintenance to make things better rather than worse...

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Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Jukebox

Nah, he would have just snapped his fingers to resolve it...

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♫ The Core i9 clock cycles go up. Who cares where they come down?

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: The song the headline refers to...

Ah well, now that song's in my head I'm just going to have to put on "An Evening Wasted" and go the whole hog...

"Spring is here, spring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer..."

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Microsoft's 'room-scale' Ginormonitor probably not as big as a room

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Does whatever a spider can?

Equipped with a 20-point touch display, the screen would be ideal for an expensive, if brief, game of Twister

Or for Spider-Man to give team briefings to the Avengers?

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Official: The shape of the smartphone is changing forever

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

As long as the volume also goes up to 11, then everyone will be happy... ;)

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No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Employ them to do the entering?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Slight variation

A super soaker might be simpler.

What you fill it with depends on how annoying they've been...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Talk like an Egyptian

@getHandle - Most smart phones have proximity sensors that disable the screen when it's held close to your head.

Unfortunately some people seem to have proximity sensors which disable their brain when the phone's held close to their heads...

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Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Re: Slight variation

If they're being particularly obnoxious it's fun just to join in and make your own comments loud enough to be heard by the remote party too. And of course make them as brain-dead and sarcastic as you can.

Even the most thick-headed moron will usually get that kind of hint that they've become a freakshow. And if all else fails you can just say you thought it was an open party line that anyone could join in as you're being forced to listen to it anyway.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Only yesterday...

"The Apprentice" and its vain morons who don't want to risk the phone obscuring their face from the camera has a lot to answer for, this being one of the worst trends...

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Google offers to leave robocallers hanging on the telephone

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: "If the AI detects that a machine is calling you and you don't want to speak to the machine ..."

Try the following response, in as sinister/weirdo voice as you can manage, and end it with an evil chuckle:

"Ah no, it wasn't an accident, it was quite deliberate. He was the last person to cold-call spam me but I got him back..."

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Automated payment machines do NOT work the same all over the world – as I found out

Anonymous Custard
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Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Entering New Zealand

An obstacle of managers? Or perhaps an obstruction?

Or as STP would probably allow under license, an embuggerance...

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Not OK Google: Massive outage turns smart home kit utterly dumb

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Nobody Expects

They add Spanish, so the devices now know about siesta's and decided to try one out in all this hot weather?

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Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Ah the old "we're so much better than you as we have the web, simple apps, easy block coding and all this other fancy stuff like IOT and self driving cars" modern day view.

To which we old greybeards of course reply "we never had any of that, so we rolled up our sleeves and created all that stuff you take for granted..."

And yes, I can remember when all this were fields, now get off my land! ;-D

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Anonymous Custard
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Alien

Re: Will the give out the source code for Elite?

There's nothing poor about it, at least if you're playing it right...

Right on Commander!

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India tells its banks to get Windows XP off ATMs – in 2019!

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Question?

Between arriving and boarding a plane at most airports you'll see at least a couple of PC's running XP (or occasionally even older Windows). Not to mention the common sight at the gate of them printing off the passenger manifest on a dot-matrix printer.

Luckily all just controlling the cattle movement of bodies onto planes rather than anything too safety critical, but still makes you wonder sometimes...

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Tech rookie put decimal point in wrong place, cost insurer zillions

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Not just lira

Ah you mean the kind of scenario leading to the age-old joke of someone pushing a huge wad of notes in a wire shopping trolley to go buy a loaf of bread. They get mugged and someone steals the trolley, leaving the pile of notes behind?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Superman 3 was tidying up all the "rounding error" fractions into one pot and then taking that iirc.

Not quite the same thing.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Unusual to say the least

And his boss should have checked him and so should get a share of the blame, etc etc

Remember it's bosses all the way up...!

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DIYers rejoice: Hitting stuff to make it work even works in space

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: full circle....

Modern man bashes rocks on other worlds for curiosity....

Or indeed with Curiosity...

Don't knock percussive maintenance!

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Intel claims it’s halved laptop display power slurpage

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Inquiring mind wants to know...

And will they be baked using 1272 (14nm), 1274 (10nm) or 1276 (7nm) designs?

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Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Had a close call

Always live by the engineering mantra to sales and marketing minions -

"Just because you made a promise doesn't mean I have to keep it for you..."

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Send printer ink, please. More again please, and fast. Now send it faster

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Reminds me of French sales

Well if a tomato is a fruit, who can say that a grape can't be a vegetable?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: There are so many extarordinary stories

Button fly combined with braces. Works wonders...

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ISP popped router ports, saving customers the trouble of making themselves hackable

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

How many people...?

...were surprised it was SingTel not TalkTalk?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: This is why I feel....

Just done the same myself (my Fritz!Box 7590 should be arriving sometime between tomorrow and the end of the week, whilst my faithful old D6200 goes to have a rest in the attic after many years faithful service (as it's only ADSL and can't do VDSL).

The fact that my ISP supplied router is a £35 POC that doesn't even have gigabit Ethernet ports being part of it, and also the fact that I can't firmware upgrade it myself (and the supplied firmware is known to be buggy), plus to cap it all off even after a full factory reset they can't connect to the damn thing either to do it for me. And they've even seemingly locked it out of useful stuff like being able to change the DNS or put it into modem-only mode to daisy-chain it to the D6200.

Given they can't do the one thing that would be required, time to go self-administered and get some decent kit in place.

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Re: "So the real problem appears to be employing people who don't watch where they're going?"

In my experience on the average street, it's less about employment and more about general existence...

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Is your smart device a bit thick? It's about to get a lot worse

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Try rubbing it down with one of the aforementioned items...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Excelelnt song!

Although one would wonder how many know that Tainted Love (I know by Soft Cell, but sung by Almond) is also one (originally recorded by Gloria Jones in the mid-sixties) and might rival it?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Better Option

No, some others of us know our place as well (in the wrong and to blame usually, regardless of what about).

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Police block roads to stop tech support chap 'robbing a bank'

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Must have been a quite impressive experience

@Lee D

Not if it's of a suitable design (like a mushroom EMO one) that could be triggered using your leg (knee or thigh bash for examples)...

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ISP TalkTalk's Wi-Fi passwords Walk Walk thanks to Awks Awks router security hole

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Ralink router?

Currently (for home fibre anyway) they're offering D-Link 3782's and Huawei HG633's (and also the HG635 for business, but they seemingly can't/don't/won't offer them to home users any more).

They've just also brought out a new super hub (a Sagemcom apparently), but if you want one of those as an existing customer you have to shell out £120.

That said on both the routers whilst WPS is enabled in the configuration that ships, it can seemingly be switched off via the router's web dashboard (as can uPNP). Of course whether that actually does anything physically is another question entirely.

At least that's my experience in the time between the upgrade to fibre and going out and buying my own Netgear that I could configure how I wanted to and lock down (as my old ADSL one wasn't VDSL compatible).

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Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The placebo effect is just as applicable in tech as it is in medicine.

And if it "resolves" an issue, don't knock it...

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Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Anonymous Custard
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Alert

Re: We need some ...

Although in the office bogs here there's mixer taps, which if the previous user has flowed hot water then proceed to flow residual hot water for a couple of seconds from the pipework even if you open the cold tap.

You very quickly learn to give it a moment between turning on the tap and actually putting your hands into the water stream, as the hot water heating here is all too efficient.

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