* Posts by Neil Barnes

3116 posts • joined 18 Apr 2007

Butt plugs, mock cocks, late pay and paranoia: The world of Waymo star Anthony Levandowski… by his kids' nanny

Neil Barnes
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Gimp

Re: Not sure what it says about the nanny...

It's not just a whip.

It's made of the finest elk hide leather; dyed with the highest quality dyes; and the studs are not only chromed but individually polished by a specialist polishing team.

It's not just S&M.

It's M&S S&M.

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China's first space station to – ahem – de-orbit in late March

Neil Barnes
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Alien

Re: per the piccy it seems to coast over Spain

Surely not! After all, if things falling from a great height could do damage, then Lester and the SPB would *never* have been given permission to launch, and return, LOHAN to Spain.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft wants to patent mind control

Neil Barnes
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Re: Isn't any control interface ultimately a brain control interface?

@Crisp - it's not red, it's black.

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Brit transport pundit Christian Wolmar on why the driverless car is on a 'road to nowhere'

Neil Barnes
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I bet

you could easily automate a canal barge with a couple of containers on it...

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FBI says it can't unlock 8,000 encrypted devices, demands backdoors for America's 'public safety'

Neil Barnes
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Black Helicopters

Re: Face Palm

And at what point does possession of a one-time-pad - or something which could be construed to be used as a one-time-pad - become an offence?

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Mystery surrounds fate of secret satellite slung by SpaceX

Neil Barnes
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Alien

There is an extraterrestrial explanation for all this

and here it is...

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Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner

Neil Barnes
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Re: Best plate I ever saw...

PEN 15 floated around north London in the late seventies, on a Porsche, I think.

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Neil Barnes
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Badgers should have number plates.

Why? They're already bar-coded.

(damnit, I'm sure we used to have a badger icon.)

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SuperFish cram scandal: Lenovo must now ask nicely before stuffing new PCs with crapware

Neil Barnes
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Re: Teiwaz: 'No one is without the option, merely without the ability to make the decision'

There isn't usually a problem installing e.g. Mint, which would be my recommendation for most casual users. But the inescapable playing around with the bios even to allow a USB stick to boot (and then probably again *after* the installation to allow a new UEFI partition to boot, if a dual boot system has been built) is what is going to put people off.

Hell, it makes me nervous, and I've done it dozens of times in the last twenty years. I've also seen anecdotal evidence of at least one Acer laptop which is locked such that linux cannot be installed (though it could be down to the above bios manipulation - I haven't investigated further).

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Astroboffins say our Solar System could have – wait, stop, what... the US govt found UFOs?

Neil Barnes
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Re: Alien UFO's are Real - True / False...

>> it's matrices all the way down!

But, but, but... I am a free man! I am not an eigenvalue!

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Google Chrome ad-blocking to begin in February – but what is it going to block?

Neil Barnes
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Mushroom

Re: Not acceptable

There is only one definition of an acceptable advert: one that isn't there.

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Kent woman to season festive dinner with her mother's ashes

Neil Barnes
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Alien

Paging Michael Valentine

Am I the only one thinking 'Stranger in a Strange Land'?

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Which distant Mars-alikes could we live on? Ask these Red Planet data-sifters

Neil Barnes
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Re: Self BBQing Bovines...

Aye but remember: Beyond Lies the Wub.

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America's drone owner database is baaaack! Just in time for Xmas

Neil Barnes
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Boffin

Re: No Worries

There's a tiny little difference between 'weightless' and 'supporting its own weight'.

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Forget Bruce Willis, Earth's atmosphere is our best defense against meteorites

Neil Barnes
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Coat

Re: So what happened to the 12,000 ton Chelyabinsk meteorite?

>> and some of may still be aloft.

You'd think a loft floating around would be pretty easy to spot, though?

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Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

Neil Barnes
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Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

>>Without proportional representation...

You have to pick your PR method carefully to avoid the twin risks of both decoupling the candidate from the locale and accidentally voting (in a transfer method) for someone you really don't want.

I offer instead 'none of the above'; if none of the above win, the post is left vacant. And voters who can but don't vote automatically vote none of the above...

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Neil Barnes
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Re: Adverts?

Adverts on Youtube? Who knew?

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Someone tell Thorpe Lane in Suffolk their internet sucks – they're still loading the page

Neil Barnes
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Re: Bit confusing.

Or the slowly decaying lightning arresters in the cabinet.

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Google learns to smile, because AI's bad at it

Neil Barnes
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Terminator

Can it tell the difference

between a smile of joy and a rictus of hatred for all things 'advertising by AI'?

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UK government bans all Russian anti-virus software from Secret-rated systems

Neil Barnes
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Holmes

Here's the plan, Igor...

First we steal the idea of the internet worm to make a number of viruses. We release them into the wild, so people are really really worried about them.

Then we invent a really good anti-virus product so everyone will install it to stop the viruses.

Then we frighten them into not using the anti-virus product on their most important servers!

Bwahahahaha! <fx: thunder and lightning>

Hopefully, those OS makers never come up with the idea of secure-by-design systems, or all our work will come to naught!

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Is Oomi the all-in-one smart home system we've been waiting for?

Neil Barnes
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No: the makers have been waiting for us to realise we can't live without one.

Going to take a while chez Barnes.

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Hey girl, what's that behind your Windows task bar? Looks like a hidden crypto-miner...

Neil Barnes
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Re: Finally, an argument for...

I am not alone! One window, one icon+text.

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Neil Barnes
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Re: Let me get this right.

I wonder what happens in this case if you have your browser set to open all the windows open when you closed it (as I have)? I'd assume it would then re-open the offending|offensive miner.

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Rolls-Royce, Airbus, Siemens tease electric flight engine project

Neil Barnes
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Avionics computer and four electric fans. Does that make it a drone?

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Thou shalt use our drone app, UK.gov to tell quadcopter pilots

Neil Barnes
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Re: Welcome

Whereby one miscreant takes a fun - but potentially lethal - hobby...

FTFY.

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A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel v2

Neil Barnes
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An oddball use case

I'm using Excel (because that's what's on the machine at work) to keep a rather large state machine under control: the front page is a grid of State vs Event and the end result is about a thousand or so lines of C code that lick'n'sticks straight into the compiler.

If I tried hard, I could probably dump it straight into the SVN server... mind you, it turns out that Excel still won't allow more than 64k of text in a cell, and fails silently if you try it.

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10 years of the Kindle and the curious incident of a dog in the day-time

Neil Barnes
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Re: Not just pictures

Big problem with the feetnotes: no page to have a foot at. Your approach of a tooltip box is by far the best but I haven't found a good way to do it.

For now, when I convert text to ebook, I've resorted to putting the footnote inline [* in square brackets].

But it's a real shame... particularly on this Kobo which already *has* this mechanism for the dictionary definitions.

I think that the link to the footnote and return to where you are ought to work - the reader is just rendering xhtml - but does require the manual creating of the links there and back.

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To fix Intel's firmware fiasco, wait for Christmas Eve or 2018

Neil Barnes
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Devil

Re: I wonder about motherboards

>> to run software with some degree of trust

Ahahahah! You looked at a software licence recently?

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UK.gov 'could easily' flog 6m driver records to private firms this year

Neil Barnes
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Hmmm

Does 'right to be forgotten' apply to the DVLA?

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New UK aircraft carrier to be commissioned on Pearl Harbor anniversary

Neil Barnes
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Disapointed.

Did no-one suggest 'HMS Queeny McQueenface'?

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Tesla launches electric truck it guarantees won't break for a million miles

Neil Barnes
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Re: Sport truck! 0-60 in 5 seconds

>> Ye Gods! When lightly loaded they'd give sports cars a hard time!

Try a normal tractor unit in a straight line, some time. 600BHP or more, in a three tonne tractor... they can shift.

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Fear not, driverless car devs, UK.gov won't force you to write Trolley Problem solutions

Neil Barnes
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Dear Sir.

We have been analysing your social media activities and find that you are vituperative, abusive, and bullying in more cases than not. The Emily Bronte virus[1] has not had a noticeable effect on your behaviour.

It is therefore necessary to advise you that your survival rating has been set to 'very low'.

Be careful in traffic.

[1] David Brin

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Universal basic income is a great idea, which is also why it won't happen

Neil Barnes
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Tax the robots?

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Remember CompuServe forums? They're still around! Also they're about to die

Neil Barnes
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Will the last person on the internet

Please turn out the lights?

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Your attention has value, personal cryptocurrency will advertise it

Neil Barnes
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Oh dear

I fear my supply of BAT will remain forever zero...

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Boffins on alert: Brace yourselves for huge gravitational wave coming within a decade

Neil Barnes
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Coat

That process could take longer than the current age of the universe,

I'll get some popcorn. And perhaps some marshmallows; could be a long wait.

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Teensy weensy space shuttle flies and lands

Neil Barnes
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Playmobil

Lester would have had such great fun with this one.

Of which, I note that Playmobil now sell a glider with pilot... lacks the fun rocket engine, though.

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Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

Neil Barnes
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Headmaster

Re: Pushing people up the ladder

Well of course. I also wouldn't want to work for a company who employed people with such a poor grasp of grammar.

"To which Golf Clubs do you belong? ..."

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Firefox 57: Good news? It's nippy. Bad news? It'll also trash your add-ons

Neil Barnes
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FAIL

Re: NoScript ?

Looks like uBlock Origin is working, but noScript isn't (yet). That's a deal breaker.

--> Icon for Firefox, not for the noScript developers.

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UK Home Sec thinks a Minority Report-style AI will prevent people posting bad things

Neil Barnes
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Emily Post

Dear Net-Mail User:

Your mailbox has just been rifled by EmilyPost, an autonomous courtesy-worm chain program released in October 2036 by an anonymous group of net subscribers in western Alaska ([]ref: sequestered confession 592864 -2376298.96534, deposited with Bank Leumi 10/23/36:20:34:21. Expiration-disclosure 10 years.] Under the civil disobedience sections of the Charter of Rio, we accept in advance the fines and penalties that will come due when our confession is released in 2046...

In brief, dear friend, you are not a very polite person. EmilyPost's syntax analysis routines show that a very high fraction of your net exchanges are heated, vituperative, even obscene.

Of course you enjoy free speech. But EmilyPost has been designed by people who are concerned about the recent trend toward excessive nastiness in some parts of the net...

Of course, should you insist on continuing as before, disseminating nastiness in all directions, we have equipped EmilyPost with other options you'll soon find out about...

----

courtesy David Brin, Earth

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Boffins: We can identify you by your typing, and we're gonna sell the tech to biz, govt – yay!

Neil Barnes
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Big Brother

or governments "to identify their customers more accurately

Governments have customers? I thought I was their employer. That's the way the money flows, so I must be, right?

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Alexa, please cause the cops to raid my home

Neil Barnes
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Whatever happened to

"I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that"?

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Astronomers find bizarre 'zombie supernova' that just won't die

Neil Barnes
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Alien

A type II Khardashev civilisation?

That perhaps got something a little wrong?

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Google's answer to the Pixel 2 XL CRT-style screen burn in: Lower the brightness

Neil Barnes
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Re: Cure for crt-style display burn-in

Well, Star Trek vintage, anyway.

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Dashboard pushers: Dark here in containerised server land, innit sysadmins?

Neil Barnes
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log-gregation for short

I'm not sure the replacement of a space and two letters with a dash is a sufficient shortening to make up for the slightly nauseous feeling immediately engendered by the new phrase.

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Official Secrets Act alert went off after embassy hired local tech support

Neil Barnes
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Headmaster

Re: Curious...

USB drive full of secret data goes in to cage full of monkeys.

Wait (long enough).

USB drive comes out containing complete works of Shakespeare...

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Atto, boy! Eggheads fire laser for 43 attoseconds, fastest Man-made spurt

Neil Barnes
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I'm thinking...

you'd need a bloody quick shark.

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Slashing regulations literally more important than saving American lives to Donald Trump

Neil Barnes
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Aye, but there's a neural network in there and surely that has to count for something.

(Except in the premium brands, of course.)

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First iPhone X fondlers struggle to admit that Face ID sort of sucks

Neil Barnes
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Pint

Re: Apple...

Couch potatoes. Obviously.

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Bored 'drivers' pushed Google Waymo into ditching autopilot tech

Neil Barnes
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I have an odd psychological response:

If I'm in a vehicle for any length of time - plane, train, or car - and I'm not driving... I go to sleep. I seem to have no control over this reflex.

I don't have any issue if I'm behind the wheel, but if I'm not in charge then it's as if I'm hypnotised. I'd hate for that to happen on the driver's side of the car, with a robot telling me 'wake up and take control, meatsack... oh. Oh well.'

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