* Posts by TheProf

725 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008

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Debenhams cafes ban outré terms like 'espresso' and 'cappuccino'

TheProf
Happy

I think it's a good idea!

I've only ever had one cup of coffee from a franchise. Two in the morning at a motorway service station (which in my opinion is the best time to visit one.)

I spent a few moments looking at the confusing array of names but couldn't work out what the hell was what.

Me: Err, could you do me a large ordinary coffee?

Helpful lady behind counter: How about an Americano?

Me: What's that?

HLBC: Black coffee.

Me: Umm, I wanted a white coffee.

HLBC: Would you like me to put some milk in it for you?

Me: Oh ta! Thanks very much.

And she didn't charge me extra for the milk.

Phlegmatic British working woman 1, Media-type focus-group fancy naming scheme 0.

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Dr No, Thunderball, Casino Royale? Vote now for the best Bond film

TheProf
Stop

Can't figure Goldfinger

Can someone explain to me why Goldfinger is always rated so highly in these polls?

I've watched it several time and I can't see the attraction.

Bond is rubbish in it. He gets captured while doing some simple spying and spends the rest of the film impotent (well apart from the scene in the hay).

The day is saved by Pussy Galore and the US military. Even the atomic bomb is defused by someone else.

Please, why? It must be more than the DB5 and a woman painted gold.

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Skype worm chats up victims - then holds PCs to ransom

TheProf

Re: "lol is this your new profile pic?"

'.......YOUR wallet.......'

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BBC unveils UltraViolet DVDs, BDs

TheProf

Re: Why can't I......?

You can't arrest me for speeding!

I pay my road tax and income tax.

I pay your bloody wages.

I'm taking this police car.

What, there's no charge for a spell at Her Majesty's pleasure?

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Archaeologists resume Antikythera Mechanism hunt

TheProf
Unhappy

Re: There aren't any

Horizon: They don't want to scare off the casual viewer. When was the last time you saw a diagram or graph on it? Much easier (on the eye) to spend 10 minutes watching people on a beach throwing a ball to each other while 'explaining' the difficulties of shooting a space probe from one planet to another.

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TalkTalk somehow retains most-complained-about-ISP title AGAIN

TheProf
Go

Re: Fair enough ..

TalkTalk customers are not charged to call the helpdesk.

Customer Services 0870 444 1820

(FREE from your

TalkTalk landline)

Cut'n'pasted from their help pages.

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Google's stats show few Android tablets in use

TheProf
FAIL

Re: This is for several reasons

I had the same trouble with McLaren and their 12C. Only 2 cup holders? No sale!

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Microsoft gives Android punters some official SkyDrive love

TheProf
Happy

Good

Nothing to moan about here.

Oh? What?

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Doctor Who to unwrap new sidekick in Christmas TV special

TheProf
Angel

Re: Oh no it isn't.

You mean you can PROVE that Time Lords don't exist?

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TheProf
Gimp

Oh no it isn't.

There there, dear. You just sit down and drink your lime cordial while the people who do like the thrilling adventures of the fictitious Time Lord enjoy the 11 hours of new material they get a year.

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4

Lords call for the end of TV transmissions

TheProf
Alien

This means war!

But how will the inhabitants of Omicron Persei 8 be able to watch 'Single Female Lawyer'?

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Watch Smarter: video guide to... SSD installation

TheProf
Terminator

My mind is going............

I stopped reading a book on quantum physics to watch this. Now I'm worried that my data might be everywhere in the universe except where I expect to find it.

Totally agree with Fred Flintstone: why does 'everyone' have to produce a video when a series of pictures would be more digestible?

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Watch Smarter: video guide to... optical disc drives

TheProf
Facepalm

THANK YOU! I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

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Why British TV drama is crap – and why this matters to tech firms

TheProf
Unhappy

Re: You didn't like it...

Well I wouldn't have commented on it if I hadn't watched all of it. I know what commentards would say.

I also watched the one John Simm and Jim Broadbent were in. (Exile. Thanks Google.) That one was even worse! It took the 'art' of coincidence to a new level. E.G. Simm is looking through many boxes of his old cassette tapes and finds a party mix from twenty-odd years ago. As he listens to it the music cuts out and is replaced by voices that DISCLOSES IMPORTANT PLOT INFORMATION. He peels the label from the cassette and underneath is a second label that DISCLOSES IMPORTANT PLOT INFORMATION.

I, however, must be wrong about these dramas. They got glowing reviews in the grown-up newspapers. Maybe because both had characters suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Must be the sympathy vote.

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TheProf

Re: TV Drama

The Shadow Line?

Was that the one in which a bomb exploded, powerful enough to blow the windows out of a clock shop, and both people in the shop stood up, brushed the dust off themselves and left? The one where there was a fight and one person was hanging from a light fitting while another person tried to kill them? (2 core cable, you know, those ones held up by two tiny brass screws.) The one where the villains smuggled heroin into the country by hiding it in the stalks of cut flowers? The one with the 'so-scary-he's almost-comedic' hit-man? The one where EVERY copper was bent and all the villains were scared of the missing crime lord's camp son?

I didn't like it. Too far fetched.

3
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Skype so sorry for sending that saucy IM to mum instead of pash

TheProf
Megaphone

Last paragraph

"The flaw exists on multiple platforms: builds for Windows, Linux, Mac OS X, Android, iOS and Windows Phone are vulnerable."

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Sky's TV-on-demand registers with regulator just hours before opening

TheProf

Re: Five-a-day (OT)

"being paid to make up numbers sounds like a cushy job - 42 16 12 3."

I'm sure someone beat you to those.

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NHS trust spunks £67m on e-patient records, Twitter, Facebook

TheProf
Unhappy

Managementese

Would someone please translate this into English for me?

"that where capital funding is required to progress the workstreams, business cases would be developed to support investment decisions".

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NASA counts down to nuclear tank invasion of Mars

TheProf
Happy

Thunderbirds Are Go!

"500,000 lines of cod3"

"1000 times thinner"

I've got all my fingers crossed for this one.

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Lollipop Chainsaw

TheProf
Happy

Re: Sucker Punch

Not me. I've never played Infamous but I did enjoy Sucker Punch.

I also saw the phrase 'PC alligators' in the review but I think my attention was directed somewhere other than the copy.

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Are you a hot BABE in heels and a short skirt? SCIENCE is for YOU

TheProf
Happy

It could have been worse

I found this much funnier than The Reg's own 'standard measurement' video. And it was mercifully shorter too.

1
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Apple introduces 'next generation' MacBook Pro with retina display

TheProf
Devil

SD slot

What's that for then?

0
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Ten... bits of Jubilee tat tech

TheProf
Facepalm

Mini Mouse

So I followed the link and found this example of patriotism:

£29.01 + £8.00 UK delivery

In stock. Sold by ALB Computer Germany

2
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Strong ARM: The Acorn Archimedes is 25

TheProf
Happy

Not so basic

Even more amazing, the Lander demo was written in BBC BASIC.

I seem to remember something about the Arthur 0.2 Roms being expensive EPROMs but the 0.3 were normal 'die-cast' chips.

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Sony KDL-55HX853 55in 3D LED TV

TheProf
Headmaster

Pardon?

'...Active Shutter 3D screen certainly pulls scads of detail from dimensionalised BDs....'

What does this mean? The screen pulls fish from the image? It shows the Savannah College of Art and Design when playing stereoscopic discs? It shows a lot of detail? Or none at all?

Buy a thesaurus and use it. On second thoughts, don't. The results might be discombobulating.

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Watchdog bites bar over 'offensive' Facebook ad

TheProf
Megaphone

Lowering of standards

Aggghhhh! Another advert featuring a young person with it's 'gob' wide open.

Sorry. 'Gob open' adverts really are despicable.

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Old-school Mars rover water findings confirmed

TheProf
Facepalm

Everywhere

Sorry if I missed it in the article but couldn't this water have come from an icy comet impact?

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Descriptive Camera develops text instead of images

TheProf
Stop

Exactly what I was thinking. Why not just ask a passerby to describe the scene for you?

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Lenovo U300s Ultrabook

TheProf
Windows

" A simple notch line indicates optional left- and right-click areas,"

Didn't a recent ElReg review cast aspersions on this kind of thing and it's dumb-ass users?

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Panasonic DMP-BDT320 3D Blu-ray player

TheProf
Windows

Why

Why can these types of players handle all sorts of file formats from USB but not over LAN?

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Amount of ice in Bering Sea reaches all-time record

TheProf

Re: "climate-Cassandra organisations such as Greenpeace"

*schoolboy errors.*

hey man lets not be sexist, schoolGIRLS make errors too.

1
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Nationwide Building Society website goes on the blink

TheProf
Meh

There's the answer.

"Customers have always had access to the internet bank but not the website," she said.

But don't you need to access the website to get the banking log-on page?

Who said 'bookmark'?

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Apple relents, doubles EU warranty (sort of)

TheProf
FAIL

"We may have fewer consumer protections here in the U.S. of A., but we can say with pride that at least we're not mollycoddled "European Socialists". ®"

So what are you implying? That it's better to have a one year warranty than a two year one?

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Wags unroll Twitter toilet paper

TheProf
FAIL

ROFLMAO......

......not really.

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Game closes 277 stores

TheProf
Devil

Re: Too expensive

And when the 'sold from Jersey so there's no VAT' loophole gets closed where are you going to get your fix?

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WTF... should I pay to download BBC shows?

TheProf
Megaphone

But.....

..... I paid to see a film at the cinema. Why the hell should I have to pay again to have a copy on DVD?

Oy! Sky. You want people to pay for those Pratchett stories you filmed? But they already paid a subscription. That should more than cover the cost of shiny discs for me.

Buy a live recording of a band I went to see play live? Pshaw!

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3

So, what IS the worst film ever made?

TheProf

Batman & Robin

After sitting through hours of this shiteness I looked at my watch and discovered that only 10 minutes had passed since the film started. Or it could have been Batman Forever. Put them both in just to be on the safe side.

Oh, and Napoleon Dynamite.

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Suitably-endowed punters lured into bonking for Vaseline loving

TheProf
FAIL

The sound of breaking glass

"Reading was chosen for the trial because it is one of the UK’s most tech-savvy towns........." and because it's a 90 mile round trip from our London office. Just enough to justify the company car if we visit daily.

Does one really have to 'bonk' one's phone against an advert for NFC to work. Really? What, take my £500 phone out while standing next to a load of 'yoofs' in a bus stop and tap it against an advert.

That's going to work!

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Toshiba prices up glasses-free 3D TV for Blighty

TheProf

So you're OK with the 'Stan and Hilda' wallpaper then?

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Warp drives are PLANET KILLERS, Sydney Uni students find

TheProf
Unhappy

Re: re: obvious solution

BLEW-UP.

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Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!

TheProf
Thumb Up

Frisky Jetpack Bunnies

I just like the sound of "frisky jetpack bunnies".

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Cameras roll on 'blockbuster' new Who series

TheProf
Megaphone

Re: Re: The seventh series

As far as the BBC were concerned Steven Moffat 'rebooted' Doctor Who. So this is NuNuWho and they've just started filming series/season 3.

Or series 'fnarg' as The Moff calls it.

(I think a recent issue of Doctor Who Magazine went to some lengths to muddy the series numbering.)

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Man surfs slopes at night in LED suit

TheProf
IT Angle

Music

The music sounds vaguely familiar but I can't place it.

Soundhound didn't recognise it either?

Would someone care to enlighten me?

(IT? as in 'what is it?')

1
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Next Dr Who game to leave Xboxers in the cold

TheProf
Go

OooooooEeeeeeOoooooo

Made me go all tingly inside.

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Samsung imagines see-through bendy tablet of the future

TheProf
Go

*

*Sequence shortened. May not be available in all areas.

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The TARDIS through the ages

TheProf
Holmes

That's right

Yes that's right. I spent too much time reading them but I seem to have forgotten the details.

And 'they' complain that The Moff has made Who hard to follow.

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TheProf
Holmes

Too late!

"So expect the TARDIS to appear as a full-time attractive policewoman...."

They did that in the BBC 8th Doctor novels. Can't remember the stories 'she' appeared in but I'm off to search the interwebs.

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Boffinry summit names 3 new elements

TheProf
Pint

Because

If they meet they get paid expenses etc. Where's the profit if they do all the work on one day?

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We like zombies… because we are zombies

TheProf
Facepalm

So 'our' fictional creations are a reflection of ourselves?

How does the current popularity of vampires fit into this? They appear to be the exact opposite of zombies.

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Pete Townshend condemns Apple as 'digital vampire'

TheProf
Headmaster

Betting term

"trifecta"? Do you mean "triptych" perchance?

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