* Posts by TheProf

695 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008

Page:

Guess who's still most moaned about UK ISP... Rhymes with BorkBork

TheProf
Happy

Re: Talk rhymes with Bork?

"It's easier to just nod tiredly and move on when they attempt to "correct" other groups of people who also use English to communicate."

Ah. You've failed to notice the British laughing into their warm beer when you dear Americans try to pronounce the word 'Edinburgh'. That's marvellous.

Tinkity Tonk!

4
0

Huawei P20 Pro: Triple Lens Shooter promises the Earth ...

TheProf
Black Helicopters

Re: Red Snow

Holy Crap!

The right facing side of the building is blue. BLUE I tells ya!

Except for that little sticky-out bit of the building at the front. It's a sort of red-blue mix as if it were also lit by red light reflected by the snow.

This photograph is obviously a fake and it proves that NASA never landed a man on the Moon.

1
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2018's Lenovo ThinkPad X1 Carbon laptop is a lovely lappie

TheProf
Unhappy

Pictures please

"giant Kit-Kat-sized power adapter"

This is the bit I found most interesting but you didn't supply a picture.

Shame on you. Poor journalism, moan, gripe etc.

18
0

2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century

TheProf

Rogue AI

Clarke puts a reason for the behaviour of HAL in the follow-up novel '2010'. HAL was just following conflicting orders as best he could when his programming had been tampered with i.e making the 'mission' (not necessarily the scientific one) more important than the crew.

I feel sorry for HAL. Being blamed when it was actually the fault of those pesky humans.

24
0
TheProf
Alien

Re: For more details....

You beat me to it. It's a book well worth a read. I recall a discussion about aliens with tentacles in place of fingers. Little wonder aliens didn't make an appearance.

I think the glass pyramid idea was dropped because of the technical difficulties of filming a large piece of light refracting material.

Must find my, by now, yellow copy of The Lost Worlds...(No, it's not for sale!)

8
1

Corking story: Idiotic smart wine bottle idea falls over, passes out

TheProf
Windows

Pump It Up

Vacuvin Wine Saver. Less than a tenner at Amazon at the time of writing.

Or why not ask a friend or even a total stranger to help you finish the bottle? It's a great way to meet new people.

11
1

Flight Simulator's DRM fighter nosedives into Chrome's cache

TheProf

Re: Unreal

Boggles the mind

Surely you mean Biggles the mind.

22
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Facial recognition software easily IDs white men, but error rates soar for black women

TheProf
Meh

Contrast

Could this be a problem with the light contrast present in different faces?

I've just looked at a series of images of faces and the white faces had a greater contrast range. If I squinted at the images, the white woman with the ridiculous Groucho eyebrows was still recognisable whilst the other faces merged into blobs.

If facial software it trying to identify points on a face isn't it going to struggle with a face with lower contrast? Blonde eyebrows on a white face and black eyebrows on a black face = low contrast. Of course that doesn't explain why it's accuracy is lower with female faces. Do women do anything to alter the shape or colour of their faces?

2
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Yorkshire cops have begun using on-the-spot fingerprint scanners

TheProf
Thumb Up

Fingerprint bus pass

And how exactly do you imagine getting a fingerprint from an 'old dear' when she won't even take her woolly mittens off during the summer?

6
0

Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

TheProf
Facepalm

Re: So CDs...

I bought a CD wallet from The Works in the late nineties. It holds 32 removable sleeves and can hold 32 discs and the CD cover or 64 discs and no insert. Of course being sold by The Works means it was a remaindered product then so it's probably only available to archaeologists these days.

It has one major flaw. The sleeve pockets are square in shape and so won't accommodate the rear CD case insert. You know, the one with all the useful stuff like track listings and err, the bar code.

2
0

Fancy a fidget? Craze makes debut entry into PornHub's top searches

TheProf
Facepalm

More than

"The report found that those in the Philippines spent the longest time on the site – an average of 13 minutes and 28 seconds per visit, more than the overall global average of 9 minutes 59 seconds."

So the longest time spent on the site was longer than the average time spent? Fascinating.

11
2

Nationwide UK web bank and app take unscheduled nap

TheProf

Re: AGAIN?!?

Sorry, I had to look it up.

Holly: I'm the closest thing you can get to infullable.

I think the sentiment remains the same.

1
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Pokémon GO caused hundreds of deaths, increased crashes

TheProf

Re: Presumably, Danny 14 ...

"guns don't kill people"

I think it's the bullets that do most of the damage.

8
0

Someone told Google to nuke links to mean reviews of disgraced telco True Telecom

TheProf
Meh

After deletion

I'm wondering how this affects Google's search engine.

I was under the impression that Big G's search results were based on the number of sites that referenced something. In this case for example, say 100 other sites pointed to DodgyTelecom. Google then ranks the result based on 100 connections.

So, if today Google delete that information (100 connections), what happens tomorrow? Does Google trawl the web again (or whatever it is they do) and then delete the references to DodgyTelecom or are they allowed to start serving up those results?

What about other search engines? Are they allowed to serve pages based on DodgyTelecom searches?

And of course the actual pages where the damning evidence is published still exist don't they? And that Way Back machine probably has it all archived away.

0
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It was El Reg wot won it: Bing banishes bogus Brit bank banner ad

TheProf
Coat

Bing

Ha ha ha ha! Bing!

Also don't click on the adverts.

Bing! Snigger.

4
19

Scouse marketing scamps scalped £70k for 100,000+ nuisance calls

TheProf
Devil

Re: 70p/call

I don't know. I wouldn't mind 70p for each spam call I received.

In fact, if you're a spammer, my number is 0151 HOT CASH and I'm interested in offers and deals including but not restricted to, free central heating boilers, government sponsored energy efficient replacement windows, fitted kitchens, PPI claims, accidents I may have forgotten about (well how should I know? I've forgotten!), deafness caused at work (why are you phoning deaf people?) and any sort of internet/Microsoft help you can easily proffer.

Please have your credit card details ready when you call as I'm sure you don't want to waste your valuable time faffing about trying to find your wallet. Better yet why not email me your card number and that little 3 digit one off the back and I'll set you up with an account in advance.

(Smiley Face)

2
0

Twitter: Why we silenced Rose McGowan after she slammed alleged sex pest Harvey Weinstein

TheProf
Trollface

Re: Sense of proportion

"do you really think a Hollywood actress is stupid enough to post someones phone number "

This is a trick question isn't it?

26
1

What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

TheProf
Angel

Plan

So....If I wait until I've been tested and then get very, very, drunk, what are the chances of me being caught the next day??

If it helps your calculations:

1: I'm drunk now. 3 pints of 4.5% real ale at lunchtime.

2: Yes I do appear to be a lightweight but I could drink a lot more if I wanted.

3: But only if I eat more than a piece of toast for breakfast.

4: I think I'll have pie and chips for tea.

5: That's northern tea at 6pm not the confused southern 'tea' which is actually dinner. Or lunch. Brunch?

6: What was the question again?

7: Hang on ! I don't even have a job! I could be rat-arsed anytime I want!!!

2
0

'All-screen display'? But surely every display is all-screen... or is a screen not a display?

TheProf
Joke

Boundless horizons

What I think Apple actually means is that the screen goes right up to the edge of the image and beyond!

In that way all of the displayed image is displayed by pixels and not by a blank space.

It's all terribly clever and not inexpensive at all.

7
0

British broadband is confusing and speeds are crap, says survey

TheProf
Facepalm

Egg marketing to sell eggs

A survey from a company that makes money from people using its site to change utility supplier tells us that we're unhappy, in general, with our broadband and, by extension, encourages us to change supplier.

Well they're not going to tell us everything is tickety-boo now, are they?

5
0

10 minutes of silence storms iTunes charts thanks to awful Apple UI

TheProf
Angel

Old technology

I have an old car with none of that Viking radio nonsense. It does have a CD player though. And I have exactly the same problem with the technology playing the same start track.

Pop 'The Very Best Of The Wombles' into the CD player and there it goes: The Wombling Song!

Every bloody time!

(Your old CDs gratefully accepted.)

1
0

Hell desk to user: 'I know you're wrong. I wrote the software. And the protocol it runs on'

TheProf
Angel

Re: HR Fail

"I'm in that age bracket that started working when we had personnel departments but saw the change over to HR departments."

I remember them too.

The nice chappess in personnel told me I had 8 days holiday and I had to take them in the next few months or I'd lose them. This happened on my first day at the company during the initial report to the personnel department for initial briefing. I also remember them handing over a brown envelope with 2 weeks wages in it. In advance. Before I'd even put pen to paper working for them. It was all downhill from then on of course.

38
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Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

TheProf

Offal and fat

You're trying really hard to spoil this for people aren't you?

Well stop it!

12
0

Browser trust test: Would you let Chrome block ads? Or Firefox share and encrypt files?

TheProf
Facepalm

Pi-hole

I've not used Pi-hole so I went and had a look at their web page.

Ironically, their embedded video wouldn't run because I've disabled JavaScript.

3
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Stop all news – it's time for us plebs to be told about BBC paycheques!

TheProf
Facepalm

Yes but no

Well now. I don't like all this paying for on-screen talent. They should be proud, no bloody proud, to be working for the BBC. How dare they think that just because they do a few telly shows and the odd radio spot that they deserve money in return. It's not like any of them appear in anything good is it? How often has Gary Lineker or Graham Norton swished a sword in the direction of a dragon in Game of Crowns?

What the BBC needs is to be broken up into smaller bite-sized morsels and then devoured by a large newspaper conglomerate. Preferably one that doesn't rely on stories about television celebrities taken directly from the pages of the Radio Times.

Sorry, I came across all Daily Telegraph* there.

*And The Times, The Daily Express, The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Mirror ad nauseam.

10
3

What can you do with adult VR, some bronze gears and a robotic thumb? On a Friday?

TheProf
Joke

Lazeeva?

I fancy a cup of coffee.

It's one of the stranger perversions.

9
0

TfL, WTH is my bus? London, UK, looks up from its mobile

TheProf
Angel

Google it

I've just looked at Google maps on my phone and it shows the bus-stops near my house. Clicking on the bus-stop icon and a list of buses and times comes up. It even shows if the bus is running on time.

Of course I don't know if this information is accurate but it's something to look at while you wait for the omnibus to arrive.

1
0

Virtual reality audiences stare straight ahead 75% of the time

TheProf
Boffin

15 minutes an hour

" people spent 75% of their time within the front 90 degrees of a video"

15 minutes an hour are spent looking off-centre. The image in the article seems to have the heat spot on the activity of the people i.e. operating the vehicle.

Of course we, not having seen the videos, don't know what's going on. I could imagine video of a roller coaster ride would be mostly front and a trip through a cave system or a forest walk would involve a lot more head turning.

When I go somewhere new to me, a city say, I know I spend a lot of time looking about me.

3
0

Samsung releases 49-inch desktop monitor with 32:9 aspect ratio

TheProf
Pint

"Just out of interest, how does a 49" screen fit into something that "measures 47.4 x 15 x 20.7 inches"?"

S'curved innit?

7
0

Currys PC World given a spanking for misleading laptop savings ads

TheProf

Re: I buy...

warantee = ouch that hurt my head

warranty = blissful smooth reading experience.

0
0
TheProf
Angel

I've bought several laptops from PC World. The trick is to order over the internet. Next day delivery and no salesdroid trying to flog tat.

0
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Now you can 'roam like at home' within the EU, but what's the catch?

TheProf
Thumb Up

Re: I would suggest telco to save cutting ads, especially the expensive TV ones.

Virgin are the worst

I used to get 2 large envelopes from Virgin every month until I decided to read the small print on one of the leaflets. Buried in all the bumpf is information on how to stop the mailings. Sorry, I can't remember the details but it is in there. I think you need to go to a web page, select your address (it's fine, they already know your address!) and within a few weeks no more recyclable waste paper.

5
0

The nuclear launch button won't be pressed by a finger but by a bot

TheProf
Mushroom

Re: See The Film Wargames

"The whole point is that the people with the keys have to go through all sorts of tests to prove they're sane enough to be in command of weapons that can bring about Armageddon - and yet, no sane person could ever follow the order to launch."

That needs a Catchy name or 22.

15
0

The revolution will not be televised: How Lucas modernised audio in film

TheProf
Megaphone

Re: Willow

Totally agree with you about the audio on modern stuff. I too can watch DVDs of old TV shows, Star Trek, Doctor Who, M*A*S*H etc and hear everything the characters are saying. With modern material I mostly end-up switching on the subtitles for the hard of hearing. (I'm not deaf!)

As for the cinema, did improvements in sound just mean everything GOT LOUDER?

Impressed by the sounds of: helicopters flying overhead in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. The litter being blown about the streets in Batman.

Also the cinema I first saw Star Wars in had the film in focus for the whole showing. It's gone now of course.

7
0

No laptop ban on Euro flights to US... yet

TheProf
Joke

Hand luggage

I always repack my Semtex in Hershey wrappers. The benefits of this are twofold.

First, I'm not tempted to eat the stuff.

Second, if I am forced by the security staff to eat some of it, at least it doesn't taste as bad as American chocolate.

17
0

Never mind custody decisions, let's AI up our police cars

TheProf
Pint

Tortfeasors

17th century wrongdoers and 21st century technology. Brilliant!

3
0

Just 99.5 million nuisance calls... and KeurBOOM! A £400K megafine

TheProf
Facepalm

Godwin's law

"My customers, they're the ones that should be targeted rather than my company," he said. "We are a telecom provider, so we provide dialling capacity.

We were only obeying orders!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfbiStS1kG4

4
0

Kali Linux can now use cloud GPUs for password-cracking

TheProf

Re: Linux kernel doesn't support Realtek RTL8812AU

The Linux kernel doesn't support that silicon, but lots of mainstream modem-makers like D-Link, Belkin and TP-Link do. Adding support to Kali therefore makes it capable of probing a great many WiFi access points.

I think you missed this bit of the article.

4
1

iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

TheProf
Joke

Changing names

Maybe Pear should change their name and logo to something like this:

͏͏͏(.)(.)

Pair Technology

Nah. Apple would still kick up a fuss because they're tits!

15
0

Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

TheProf
Angel

Disruptive

Every PHB I ever had called me 'disruptive'.

I once got described as 'acerbic'. Happiest day of my working life.

15
1

Boss swore by 'For Dummies' book about an OS his org didn't run

TheProf
Devil

Re: But the real issue is

"but you don't buy Easter eggs"

You sound like a bundle of laughs. You don't buy them for the chocolate content but to see the look on the face of the disappointed child who thinks it's an egg of solid chocolate.

60
0

Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

TheProf
Angel

Re: Public wifi?

"And paying in cash is just as bad in this day and age. NFC payments or a card, people."

Yes, I can't recall the number of shops I've been in where they've had a sign reading something like 'No cash. Cards only. Till drawer jammed.'

It was such a romantic evening in that country pub a few years back. The electricity failed and the place was lit by candles. The beer was hand pumped, and the till made that lovely 'Pink Floyd' cash register noise.

30
0

Franken-firm DXC Technology is born today, the fun begins...

TheProf
Unhappy

Silent scream

Quite the most horrific thing I've read in ages.

8
0

Reg now behind invisible HTML5 Bitcoin paywall

TheProf
Thumb Up

Making money

Well done. You deserve every penny you make from this ingenious scheme.

Will it work on an iPhone?

4
0

McDonald's India's delivery app was a golden honeypot

TheProf
Facepalm

Re: I wonder

"only allows you to order when in the queue in store "

Having never ordered (or eaten) anything from McDonalds I'm wondering how useful it would be to order using a phone app while waiting in a queue. Is it any quicker?

The 'normal' situation appears to be like that in Argos. Queue to order, queue to collect.

I'm assuming that one still needs to queue to pay for the order. If so, where's the advantage to the customer?

Ah, stupid me. I was thinking about it from a customers point of view. Obviously the app is for the benefit of McDonalds.

(Slaps forehead as the real world slowly sinks in.)

1
0

Face down in a Shoreditch gutter: Attack of the kickstarting hipster

TheProf
Happy

Caroline Munro

The only reason to watch Star Crash.

5
0

Smart sex toys firm coughs up $3.75m in privacy lawsuit

TheProf

IoT

An internet connected vibrator?

Why?

Oh, I see. Is that what Pokehermons is?

5
0

Anti-TV Licensing petition gets May date for Parliament debate

TheProf

"Does it produce content that the majority of people want to watch "

It does. In spades! Unfortunately it doesn't produce content likely to appeal to the SF loving technophile I imagine most ElReg readers are.

11
9

BONG! Lasers crack Big Ben frequency riddle BONG! No idea what to do with this info BONG!

TheProf
Headmaster

Expletive not deleted

"Fuck sake, they stole our headline idea, too."

Come on, there's no need for that kind of language. Some of us are sensitive souls.

If you want to swear use the Forum like everyone else.©

16
0

Two-thirds of TV Licensing prosecutions at one London court targeted women

TheProf

v*g*n*by the p*n*s

Vegans pants?

3
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