* Posts by TheProf

819 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008


World's richest bloke battles Oz catastro-fire with incredible AU$1m donation (aka load of cheap greenwashing)


More than

Say what you like about Bezos but he's donated more to the Australian disaster fund than I have.

I can't wait to see that bad press I get now. Time to have a quiet word with Her Maj about withdrawing from public duty.

No horrific butterfly keys on this keyboard, just you and your big, dumb fingers


Not enough room

I've Tippexed the letters QWERTYUIOP on my fingernails, starting with Q on my left hand little finger, but I've no room for the rest. And Y to P look pretty ropy as I can't write very well with my left hand.

Plus I'm out of Tippex remover so I'm going to look like a Lexiconic-Punk on the way home.

I never used to have this much trouble when I wrote with a fountain pen. Hey, a pen with accelerometers and gyroscopes. Now we're getting somewhere.

SanDisk's iXpand Wireless Charger is the unholy lovechild of a Qi mat and a flash drive


Re: More than one phone?

"You can also share the storage with other members of your household. "

Hmm. It's hard to tell from that sentence.

Who's that padding down the chimney? It's Puma, with its weird £80 socks for gamers


PUMA Socks

Well why not?

Do eSports have a car racing section? They probably use foot pedals so comfy, sorry, competitive footwear would be useful. Motorists can buy shoes designed for driving. Gloves too.

The Puma socks do have a nice design. And they haven't gone overboard with the branding yet. That'll come with later designs. (PUMA IGNITE LIMITLESS 2 EVOKNIT TRAINING SHOE. )

What do you mean your eardrums need a break? Samsung-owned JBL touts solar-powered wireless headphones you don't need to charge


24 hour

Totally off topic, unless the topic is marketing BS

I use a mouthwash that boasts 24 hour protection*

*use twice a day.

Solar powered mouthwash? Where do I make a patent application?

Amazon Germany faces Christmas strikes from elf stackers, packers and dispatchers


Quelle Surprise

Was für eine überraschung

(Google translated this.)

LightAnchors array: LEDs in routers, power strips, and more, can sneakily ship data to this smartphone app


Christmas Lights

Hey what a great display of festive lights the town centre has this year. I think I'll picture it on my new smart phone.

Warning! Information overload! Core breach! Self-destruct in sixty seconds!

Warning! Information overload! Core breach! Self-destruct in fifty seconds!


Re: Why on earth

So you'll know the gun is at the correct temperature without having to pick it up and squeeze the trigger every ten seconds to no effect.

Of course you'll have to hold your phone in one hand for the whole waiting period so you're pretty much tied to the gun's location either way.

Maybe the LED on the glue gun could just change from, say, red to green when it reaches optimum temperature.

When is an electrical engineer not an engineer? When Arizona's state regulators decide to play word games


Re: Strange device

Oh yes! Being from Brexitland (formerly known as The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) the thought of using an umbrella to keep the sun off one's head never occurred to me.

Well what a dope I am. It makes perfect sense for parasol to spray a nice cooling mist at the wielder. As long as they remembered to recharge it overnight.


Strange device

"Mills was hired to develop a battery-powered pump for an umbrella that incorporates a mist spraying system"

Now this I want to see. An umbrella that protects you from the rain while at the same time spraying water into your face.

Apple sues iPhone CPU design ace after he quits to run data-center chip upstart Nuvia


recordation - is that a word?

Yes, apparently it is.


Although I think the, err, law-guy might have, umm, disabused it. Or sumfunk.

Mozilla locks nosy Avast, AVG extensions out of Firefox store amid row over web privacy


"nobody like or wants adverts - but they make it free."

Nearly correct but the adverts are paid for by you whether you watch them or not. Those hundreds of thousands of pounds for 30 seconds during the FA Cup final don't come from nowhere.

That's Microsoft price: Now you can enjoy a BSOD from the comfort of your driving seat


Re: Click and Collect

"Touch and collect doesn't seem right for some reason :0"

It's just waiting for the right hashtag to be coined.

Microsoft takes us to 2004 with new Windows 10 so you don't mistake it for Server 2003


Re: "light on features to enliven a keynote, but heavy on fixes"

"Orbis OS is an OpenSUSE-based operating system designed in mind for anime and manga fans."

Because anime and manga fans demanded a flavour of Linux just for them?

It woz The Reg wot won it! Big Blue iron relics make it back to Blighty



*Sob* I love these heartwarming Christmas tales.

Found on Mars: Alien insects... or whatever the hell this smudge is supposed to be, anyway


I'm convinced

I'm going to believe him. There are dead insects on Mars.

Ooh I feel so much better now. All the time I've spent getting myself worked-up over the loonies claiming everything is a conspiracy, and now I just kick-back and accept it all on face value.

Wowzer! I feel so liberated. Of course the Earth is flat. Of course they never sent men to the Moon. Obviously Nazi flying saucers are hidden in the dark region at the top of the world. Err, assuming you roll the flat Earth into a cylinder.

Hmm. This isn't going to be as easy as I first though.

Space-wrecks: Elon's prototype Moon ferry Starship blows its top during fuel tank test


Planning ahead

Obviously a planned shedding of weight before launch to save Mark Watney the trouble afterwards.

50 years on: Apollo 12 failed at selfies but succeeded at dismantling a probe

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From The Earth To Moon

Watched the series to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Much to recommend it, especially the portrayal of Al Bean by comic Dave Foley.

TalkTalk says it's yet to close deal on FibreNation as UK telecoms industry reels over Labour's nationalisation plans


Don't know about that

“Fibre broadband is good news for customers and TalkTalk. It offers a faster, more reliable service whilst also reducing churn......"

I swap (or is it churn?) my broadband as soon as the contract finishes. Why would you stay with they same provider when the price goes up 25% at the end of your 18 month contract?

Hello new contract and a nice introductory payout from TopQuidcoCashBack.

Anyone want a slightly used branded modem?

I'm still not that Gary, says US email mixup bloke who hasn't even seen Dartford Crossing


My Name!

I DID take over an EA gaming account.

Ex from Hell gets six years for online stalking and revenge pics rampage at two women


aggravated identity theft.

aggravated identity theft?

Can't see any identity theft reference in the story. How do you aggravate the theft of identity?

Here are some deadhead jobs any chatbot could take over right now


Robot calls

They don't need to come up with clever scripts. Just remove from the call list all the numbers that tell them to 'feck off'.

Or do they seriously think that I'll suddenly fall for 'your windows is infested with IP faults at the router' if they just keep trying?

Satya 'Karma' Nadella ignored our complaints over pay gap, thousands of Microsoft women say


Re: Comparison is very different

"the BBC as a result of complaints by women where the result of pay equity studies was that the majority of teh undepraid staff that were identified were male."

I didn't read that anywhere. Could you post a link to your source? Ta.

The UK's Civil Aviation Authority asked drone orgs to email fliers' data in an Excel spreadsheet



In the old days you would have had to send your £9.00 postal order in an envelope, remembering to enclose a stamped self-addressed envelope for the return of your receipt.

It'd probably be quicker that way and with less chance of your details ending up scattered over the internet.

What simultaneously sucks and doesn't? This new robot vacuum cleaner


Re: You know what also sucks?

I think our Nonymous friend is referring to the fact that sometimes you can't post a comment without a sign in box appearing just above the comment box.

Happened to me yesterday. I didn't complain though.

Bezos DDoS'd: Amazon Web Services' DNS systems knackered by hours-long cyber-attack



Well that explains why the light on my connected to the internet smart socket* has been flashing randomly today. But that was happening on Saturday night and parts of Sunday too. Has this attack been going on for longer?

*Yes I know but it's only being used to turn on a small LED lamp. And half the time I use the button on the device itself. Look just stop judging me.

The sound of silence is actually the sound of a malicious smart speaker app listening in on you


"please say Start followed by your Amazon password"



Wait a second. Is that an 'oh' or a 'zero'?

We read the Brexit copyright notices so you don't have to… No more IP freely, ta very much


Re: Take Back Control?

Examples please.

Help! I bought a domain and ended up with a stranger's PayPal! And I can't give it back


Re: Trying to report when people sign up with my addresses is painful

I cancelled the hotel booking some dumb cluck made using my email address instead of his own.

I'll probably not be going to Silicon Heaven now.

Creators Update meets its maker: It's 1903 or bust for those clinging to Windows 10 1703

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Re: What's My Line

Thanks for all the helpful comments. I followed your methods to find the Windows version number and they all worked.....but.......

V.1 Click, click, click, scroll, click, scroll.

V.2 Two keys, click, scroll, click, scroll.

V.3 Click, find 'File', click, find 'Help', hover, slide, find 'About Windows', click.

Not exactly simple are they? A combination of clicks, scrolls and hovers needed to find the magic number. And you need to know where to look to find the version number.

All I was suggesting was that maybe putting the version number in the notification area would be an easier way of doing things. Click on notification icon and there's the version number.

@Snorlax. Of course I don't dress myself in the morning. Who gets out of bed before noon?


What's My Line

Why is it such a rigmarole to find out what version of Win 10 one is using? I need to Google the long winded instructions every time this sort of article gets published.

Maybe putting the version number in a prominent place, that notification area springs to mind, would nudge users to upgrade.

So, what's fashion going to look like on the Moon in 2024? NASA's ready to show you the goods




I like the new orange space suit. It's beginning to look like the Star Trek 'trouser hem as had an argument with the shoe top' style.

Sorry. Random thoughts.

BBC said it'll pull radio streams from TuneIn to slurp more of your data but nobody noticed till Amazon put its foot in it


Dear BBC

Dear BBC,

I'm prepared to let you have all the information you want in return for making programmes that I want to watch or hear.

What? You'll make lowbrow dramas about cops and murders and I'll bloody well like it?

Also why are there so many trailers for other programmes? 6Music has a trailer every thirty minutes (on average.) It's bloody annoying. Just when Gideon Coe has set the mood on comes A BLOODY TRAILER and the mood is killed. And then there's the news, and the interviews, and the film reviews and Martin Freeman rattling on about The Beatles and Steve Lamacq saying 'Glasto' and all of them saying 'the legendary Maida Vale studio' and 'genre' . Honestly it's getting beyond a joke.

And after all that it's still my favourite radio station.

Google engineering boss sues web giant over sex discrim: I was paid less than men, snubbed for promotion


Is this the real life.....

I need a plumber to do some complicated work for me.

I've already had a very good quote from a fully qualified female lead-melter but I'm really keen to pay a man to do a cack-handed job and charge me more for it.

UK.gov's smart meter cost-benefit analysis for 2019 goes big on cost, easy on the benefits


Still got the dumb meter with an OWL attached.

At least your vole problem is now under control.

Google age discrimination case: Supervisor called me 'grandpa', engineer claims


Performant? Que?

"It's a perfectly cromulent word"

Right-click opens up terrifying vistas of reality and Windows 95 user's frightful position therein


Re: Taking the Trash

Not allowed to harm them? A quick 'tap' with a baseball bat and the readers of red-top tabloids could eat their seaside chips in peace.

A 'tap' with a bat would also be most efficacious against pavement bicyclers.

Not so easy to make a quick getaway when it takes 3 hours to juice up your motor, eh Brits?


Re: 30m quid on removing greenhouse gases?

I couldn't agree.


The top three attributes for getting injured on e-scooters? Having no helmet, being drunk or drugged, oddly enough


Standard foot powered scooter

Any alarming reports on the damaged caused by old fashioned scooters?

Halfords and Argos are selling these lethal death machines to children. Children!!

Rebel Galaxy Outlaw: Well, lookie here! For once a space game that doesn't promise the universe


I-War 2

The Edge of Chaos? Never finished it. Got bored. Preferred the original Independence War.

However, if they do a remake of either game then my money is waiting.

We're great, boasts Huawei in founder's Little Red Book – but isn't that a video game screenshot?



Wake me up when something controversial happens.

On second thoughts, don't.

US soldier cleared of taking armoured vehicle out for joyride – because he's insane, court says


Re: So...

Ah. Not divine intervention at all. Pretty close though.

Thumb Up

Re: So...

I was just about to upvote you when I noticed you have 22 of them already.

Have a thumbs up.

Oh chute. Doubts cast on ExoMars lander's 2020 red planet jaunt after another failed test



Sent? 100%

Successfully landed? <60%

Take two cornerstones of British life, booze and queues, then squirt them with face scans: AI Bar



It won't solve the problem I had in the pub last week.

Not a busy night so only one barman on duty. The regulars had been served and there was only one customer before me at the bar. He ordered a cocktail. As usual making it involved an obscene number of bottles, the slicing of fruits and incantations to a lesser demon. Then he ordered another, different cocktail for the other person in his group.

By the time he'd buggered off to the corner his friends had occupied there were a half-a-dozen thirsty pint drinkers waiting.

Plus: How does this machine cope with the groups of drinkers who stand around watching like hungry hyenas (thirsty hyenas?) while one of their number does the actual ordering? (6 pints of Guinness and a diet coke)

It's Friday lunchtime on International Beer Day. Bitter hop to it, boss'll be none the weiser


Pissed as a n**t

I followed the link to the International Beer Day web site and it's showing IBD as 3 August 2018.

Twenty-eighteen. Yep, they've not updated their site for over a year.

Those guys really need to do some research into hangover cures.

(Dark glasses icon. >>)

And we're back live with the state of the smartphone market in 2019. Any hope? Yeah, nah


I want

A headphone socket. For that reason alone I stayed away from the Top of the Range models last time I bought a phone.

New British Army psyops unit fires rebrandogun, smoke clears to reveal... I'm sorry, Dave...


The Story of O

I wonder where they found inspiration?

LightSail 2 successfully unfurls its silvery solar sails, prepares to become a truly solar-powered satellite


Arthur C Clarke

Still waiting for Space Elevators.


France seeks science-fiction writers to help futureproof its military against science-fact


Wouldn't bother

Going by all the crap 'predictions' made in most 'science' fiction the French will soon be preparing to defend themselves from aliens who are here to steal French water, women, brains, gold and cattle intestines.



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