* Posts by TheProf

662 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008

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The revolution will not be televised: How Lucas modernised audio in film

TheProf
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Megaphone

Re: Willow

Totally agree with you about the audio on modern stuff. I too can watch DVDs of old TV shows, Star Trek, Doctor Who, M*A*S*H etc and hear everything the characters are saying. With modern material I mostly end-up switching on the subtitles for the hard of hearing. (I'm not deaf!)

As for the cinema, did improvements in sound just mean everything GOT LOUDER?

Impressed by the sounds of: helicopters flying overhead in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. The litter being blown about the streets in Batman.

Also the cinema I first saw Star Wars in had the film in focus for the whole showing. It's gone now of course.

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No laptop ban on Euro flights to US... yet

TheProf
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Joke

Hand luggage

I always repack my Semtex in Hershey wrappers. The benefits of this are twofold.

First, I'm not tempted to eat the stuff.

Second, if I am forced by the security staff to eat some of it, at least it doesn't taste as bad as American chocolate.

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Never mind custody decisions, let's AI up our police cars

TheProf
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Pint

Tortfeasors

17th century wrongdoers and 21st century technology. Brilliant!

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Just 99.5 million nuisance calls... and KeurBOOM! A £400K megafine

TheProf
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Facepalm

Godwin's law

"My customers, they're the ones that should be targeted rather than my company," he said. "We are a telecom provider, so we provide dialling capacity.

We were only obeying orders!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfbiStS1kG4

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Kali Linux can now use cloud GPUs for password-cracking

TheProf
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Re: Linux kernel doesn't support Realtek RTL8812AU

The Linux kernel doesn't support that silicon, but lots of mainstream modem-makers like D-Link, Belkin and TP-Link do. Adding support to Kali therefore makes it capable of probing a great many WiFi access points.

I think you missed this bit of the article.

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iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

TheProf
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Joke

Changing names

Maybe Pear should change their name and logo to something like this:

͏͏͏(.)(.)

Pair Technology

Nah. Apple would still kick up a fuss because they're tits!

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Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

TheProf
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Angel

Disruptive

Every PHB I ever had called me 'disruptive'.

I once got described as 'acerbic'. Happiest day of my working life.

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Boss swore by 'For Dummies' book about an OS his org didn't run

TheProf
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Devil

Re: But the real issue is

"but you don't buy Easter eggs"

You sound like a bundle of laughs. You don't buy them for the chocolate content but to see the look on the face of the disappointed child who thinks it's an egg of solid chocolate.

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Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

TheProf
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Angel

Re: Public wifi?

"And paying in cash is just as bad in this day and age. NFC payments or a card, people."

Yes, I can't recall the number of shops I've been in where they've had a sign reading something like 'No cash. Cards only. Till drawer jammed.'

It was such a romantic evening in that country pub a few years back. The electricity failed and the place was lit by candles. The beer was hand pumped, and the till made that lovely 'Pink Floyd' cash register noise.

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Franken-firm DXC Technology is born today, the fun begins...

TheProf
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Unhappy

Silent scream

Quite the most horrific thing I've read in ages.

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Reg now behind invisible HTML5 Bitcoin paywall

TheProf
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Thumb Up

Making money

Well done. You deserve every penny you make from this ingenious scheme.

Will it work on an iPhone?

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McDonald's India's delivery app was a golden honeypot

TheProf
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Facepalm

Re: I wonder

"only allows you to order when in the queue in store "

Having never ordered (or eaten) anything from McDonalds I'm wondering how useful it would be to order using a phone app while waiting in a queue. Is it any quicker?

The 'normal' situation appears to be like that in Argos. Queue to order, queue to collect.

I'm assuming that one still needs to queue to pay for the order. If so, where's the advantage to the customer?

Ah, stupid me. I was thinking about it from a customers point of view. Obviously the app is for the benefit of McDonalds.

(Slaps forehead as the real world slowly sinks in.)

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Face down in a Shoreditch gutter: Attack of the kickstarting hipster

TheProf
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Happy

Caroline Munro

The only reason to watch Star Crash.

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Smart sex toys firm coughs up $3.75m in privacy lawsuit

TheProf
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IoT

An internet connected vibrator?

Why?

Oh, I see. Is that what Pokehermons is?

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Anti-TV Licensing petition gets May date for Parliament debate

TheProf
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"Does it produce content that the majority of people want to watch "

It does. In spades! Unfortunately it doesn't produce content likely to appeal to the SF loving technophile I imagine most ElReg readers are.

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BONG! Lasers crack Big Ben frequency riddle BONG! No idea what to do with this info BONG!

TheProf
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Headmaster

Expletive not deleted

"Fuck sake, they stole our headline idea, too."

Come on, there's no need for that kind of language. Some of us are sensitive souls.

If you want to swear use the Forum like everyone else.©

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Two-thirds of TV Licensing prosecutions at one London court targeted women

TheProf
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v*g*n*by the p*n*s

Vegans pants?

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Dyson backs Britain plc with $2.5bn AI and robotics investment

TheProf
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Re: The shite that burns twice as bright lasts an eighth as long. No, wait...

To balance the 'argument' my Dyson is over 14 years old and is still effectively sucking it up.

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Online shops plundered by bank card-stealing malware after bungling backend Aptos hacked

TheProf
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Facepalm

Instant Outrage!

"Technology Leader" is right down the bottom of the "leader list"

Yes because after CEO the others are listed by surname in alphabetical order.

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LUNAR-CY! SpaceX announces a Moon trip-for-two it'll inevitably miss the deadline on

TheProf
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Re: Crew?

I think the phrase is 'Spam in a can'.

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The Psion returns! Meet Gemini, the 21st century pocket computer

TheProf
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Unhappy

Tempted but

I hope the flexi stands up to being folded better than the old design. I've got two old Series 5 that have a crack in the connector and thus no display.

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HP Ink says ink sales are down but PC sales are up, up, up!

TheProf
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Joke

Buy ink?

I don't buy expensive manufacturers ink. I just throw the printer away and buy another one. Works out a lot cheaper and I get plenty of exercise chucking the old machine into a skip.

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'At least I can walk away with my dignity' – Streetmap founder after Google lawsuit loss

TheProf
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Trollface

I hate Google

I googled 'maps' and not only did they offer me their map but they also offered me a lot of maps produced by their competitors.

Bloody dominant 'stards!

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Smash up your kid's Bluetooth-connected Cayla 'surveillance' doll, Germany urges parents

TheProf
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Facepalm

Horse stable door bolted

Germany's Federal Network Agency waited until hundred/thousands/millions of these toys were sold before they decided to ban them?

Shouldn't the powers that be be stopping these toys being imported and sold in the first place?

I mean it's not as if the EU doesn't have a huge number of regulations and staff to see they are complied with. Someone should have noticed that the toy has a wireless transmitter built into it and asked what it's for.

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Magic Leap sued for sex discrimination … by woman it hired to stamp out sex discrimination

TheProf
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I'll see you in court.

Is the phrase 'toxic masculinity' used anywhere in the court document? Or is it just the BBC that continues to make half the world's population feel less welcome than the Ebola virus?

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You want WHO?! Reg readers vote Tom Baker for Doctor 13. Of course

TheProf
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Unhappy

Re: female doctor

Dear Lord, please, not Hayley Atwell!

I watched her in 2 series of Agent Carter. She used exactly the same expression on her face in every scene. Threatened by evil Nazis or in a romantic clinch the same semi-bored expression.

Which is odd really as she is smiling in most of the images Google found of her. Except the Agent Carter ones, naturally.

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BBC and Snap. But, why?

TheProf
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Money

OK. How much is Snapchat paying BBCAmerica for this exclusive (butchering of landscape) content?

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A non-Standards Soviet approved measure of weight? Sod off, BBC!

TheProf
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Facepalm

Click

The BBC technology TV programme Click used the Giraffe as a unit of measurement recently. I think it was for weight but I can't honestly remember. (Or be bothered to check out. It was the Space Special if you need to know.)

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Would you like to know why I get a lot of action at night?

TheProf
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Unhappy

Sorry

Sorry.

During the summer months I'm the chap sniffing at the back of the carriage. I'd much rather not be him but for some reason my sinuses fill up with a clear fluid that just cannot be shifted by blowing my nose. Yes I mop up the overspill as best I can but where to dispose of the multitude of soggy tissues?

I also apologise for the incessant sneezing. You'd think I was doing it just to spoil the peace and quiet of public transport.

All in all I'm a pretty sorry state during the summer. Banging headache, runny nose, itchy throat, sneezing. But as long as I can share this in some small way with my fellow travellers then I suppose things aren't that bad.

I do agree with you about those tizzy headphone wearers. Bastards!

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David Hockney creates new Sun masthead. Now for The Reg...

TheProf
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Unhappy

Re: OMFG!

Yes these are sad times for Black people in Liverpool.

Only the other day I saw two middle-aged white men stand up and offer their seats on the bus to a young black man carrying a small child, and an elderly black woman.

None of them were reading The Sun

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MEEELLIONs of Brits stick with current broadband provider rather than risk no Netflix

TheProf
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Joke

Re: Bonus

A down vote? What do you want Donald, blood?

(When are we getting a good old fashioned British two-finger salute icon?)

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TheProf
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Happy

Bonus

I've changed ISP twice in the past 2 years and on both occasions my connection speed has increased slightly. I think pulling the plugs out and fitting the new ones at the exchange cleans the contacts.

The downtime has been insignificant. Go out for a walk when the internet disappears and it's back when I return.

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Devonians try to drive Dartmoor whisky plan onto rocks

TheProf
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Pint

Re: A small correction...

Not wrong. It's the drinker's choice.

Some whiskies I enjoy neat and some I enjoy with a single cube of ice. My taste-buds my rules.

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All the cool kids are doing it – BT hikes broadband and TV bills

TheProf
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Happy

Once and it went well

"as their support staff are incompetent, rude and unhelpful for the most part."

I've dealt with BT support exactly once, on behalf of a friend who couldn't remember her BT password. The website offered to reset the password and email the new password to the user's BT email address. Not very useful!

I spoke to the BT help-desk and after explaining the situation, and providing enough evidence that I was speaking on behalf of the registered customer, was given a new password along with the advice to 'give it 10 minutes then change the password.'

It went smoothly and now my friend has access to her broadband account.

Maybe I just caught them on a good day but I found BT's service excellent.

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Phoney McPhoneface: The thrilling tale of ZTE's crowdsourced mobe

TheProf
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Happy

Sticky back

I can see the value of having a phone with a sticky back.

No more phone sliding off a slightly inclined surface.

Can stick it to the dash of my car.

Stick it to the fridge when I'm cooking in the kitchen.

Difficult for pickpockets to pickpocket it..

Helps remove fluff and lint from my coat.

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BT installs phone 'spam filter', says it'll strain out mass cold-callers

TheProf
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Unhappy

How much to review your spam call messages?

Digital minister Matt Hancock described nuisance callers as "a terrible blight on society" and welcomed the service.

He said: "We’ve forced companies to display their numbers when they call you, "

Well that's not going to work when an overseas call centre uses a fake number. And doesn't BT still charge £1.75 a month for providing the caller ID service? Of course if the caller withholds their number you can use BT's Anonymous Call Rejection service that won't let numberless call through. That'll cost you £5.80 a month.

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Just give up: 123456 is still the world's most popular password

TheProf
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Unhappy

18atcskd2w

Is there a 'trick' to this password? It must be memorable for a lot of people for it to have made this list. If it's a mnemonic I can't figure it out.

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Mr Angry pays taxman with five wheelbarrows worth of loose change

TheProf
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Happy

“BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER.”

From: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

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Peace-sign selfie fools menaced by fingerprint-harvesting tech

TheProf
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Devil

Welcome to the future.

I'm planning, in the next few years, on constructing a hat using yet-to-be built technology that will be able to see inside your mind and the yet-to-be determined wearer of said hat will have access to all your yet-to-be established secrets.

I bet you're quaking in your boots now.

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BBC surrenders 'linear' exclusivity to compete with binge-watch Netflix

TheProf
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Angel

Great!

I'd like to see all the episodes of The Ten O'Clock News put on-line a week before they're broadcast. I bet Netflix can't do that.

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Asteroid nearly gave Earth a new feature, two days after its discovery

TheProf
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Dang!

"Um, is Chuck Norris still available...?"

I had to check: Chuck is 76 while Bruce is still only a nipper at 61.

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TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

TheProf
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Re: Alexa!

Tek Wars?!? For God's sake somebody stop him!

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TheProf
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OK Google, what's the closing time of nearest supermarket?

Well it worked first time for me. Correctly.

Which is more than I can say for the Americans I've met who couldn't understand my British (Liverpool but locals ask me where I'm from) accent.

"Excuse me, could you tell me where the bathroom is?" Blank look on American face.

(With phoney American accent) "Excuse me, could you tell me where the bathroom is?" "Oh yeah! Over on your left."

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Programmer finds way to liberate ransomware'd Google Smart TVs

TheProf
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Angel

True Story

I've got a SONY TV and if I try to log into FaceBook it crashes.

Now if that isn't smart I don't know what is.

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Barcodes stamped on breast implants and medical equipment

TheProf
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Facepalm

Scandal

OK barcode everything but how will that stop something like the Poly Implant Prothèse scandal happening? This company used unapproved (and dangerous) materials for years. Maybe someone should be checking that products are fit for purpose before cutting people open.

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2016 just got a tiny bit longer. Gee, thanks, time lords

TheProf
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Joke

Re: Love it.

"schedule 25 hours of programmes"

That'll be one new hour long programme and 24 hours of repeats then?

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Itchy-fingered OnePlus presses refresh, out pops value champ 3T

TheProf
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Headmaster

Again with the parallax

"The camera can shoot in RAW mode, so you can remove the parallax effect that’s ubiquitous in phone cameras."

It's isn't a parallax effect, it's not just phone cameras, and it's got bugger all to do with shooting jpegs!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parallax

Next time: Ranting about people using trifecta incorrectly.

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If only our British 4G were as good as, um, Albania's... UK.gov's telco tech report

TheProf
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Happy

Oh yes, all 3 million Albanians can get wonderful download speeds.

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EU dings Sony, Panasonic over rechargeable battery cartel

TheProf
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Re: And the victims of the scam ...

Yeah but if you did get the VAT back you'd only go and buy more Jaffa cakes,

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Ransomware scum offer free decryption if you infect two mates

TheProf
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Unhappy

Re: If only someone....

"If you make their return on investment negative, it will quickly stop."

Nice thought but it won't work. No-one gets paid to vandalise public monuments but it happens.

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