Posts by andreas koch

@ thesykes - Re: I think it's going to be bigger than expected.

Beg differ.

The name means everything. Any progression in model naming, be it a number increment or a suffix, together with an easily recognisable new feature (like the double LED of the new 5S, which makes it obvious that it's not a plain old 5) is the reason to buy it*. You would not want to be seen with a 'last season' iPhone texting on the way to your Starbucks**, just as you wouldn't wear last year's dress style or have last year's shoes on.

Gotta keep up with the fashion and the Jones's, eh? And don't, really don't, buy a Fisher-Price-Edition iPhone5C! That makes you look like putting a BMW M5 sticker on a 316d; laughing stock for the "Real iPhone" owners. The best bet is to go for a urobilin coloured golden one. It shows more 'haute bohème'.

*after getting pantwettingly exited about the new, beautiful and creative features like erm . . . uh.

**for your part-time afternoon shift.

Windows Phone 9

Codename 'Snickers'

<g,d&r>

@ Sureo - Re: The solution is simple...

I'd have another solution: Why doesn't the BPI just route the entire UK internet traffic through their headquarters? Then they have all the control over every user and every byte. I'm sure that the savings from the cessation of piracy would easily make up for the expense to buy hardware that can handle and check 2.5 TB per second*. They can also print all of this out and send a copy to Devizes, so that the local MP there can vet the data and look for porn, prawn, pawns and whatever else she thinks harmful. Think of the children.

*This figure is based roughly on the upgraded 100Gb bandwidth of the backbone fibres GCHQ tapped into, together about 200 Petabyte a day. This would be seriously heavy iron (probably would need some new breakthroughs in parallel processing . . .) and good for the industry. Unfortunately it'd also eat about 120 GW, so that the national grid would fry. Having nothing left to run your pirating pervert computer with, the problem is thereby solved!

Back to the dark ages, just avoid Wiltshire.

@ Steve Davies 3 - Re: How about...

Congrats!

Hint for Chris Miller - Re: Hint for Herr Habel

That would be " Hint for Herrn Habel".

Don't use a German address unless you know how it works and how to inflect it correctly.

Wer im Schlachthaus sitzt, sollte nicht mit Schweinen werfen.

@ illiad - Re: Very clever

Yep.

@ Rukario - Re: Is Glass too new to copy?

I prefer Nokia's 'Here'.

@ AC 2012h GMT - Re: Maybe

A watch with a touch screen, most likely LCD or OLED (people don't like e-ink all that much, it's too 'un-hip' and besides: monochrome? How can you tell a cerulean or teal marked link from a chartreuse one?) and Bluetooth (even low power BLE) that lasts a week when active?

Golf cart battery on the wrist, anyone?

OK, maybe with a built in camera, movement activated, that detects when you look and only then switches the screen on. But then, how can people see what a Dick (Tracy) you are, when your watch is off most of the time?

Decisions, decisions . . .

@ DJ Smiley - Re: Still playing catch up with google then...

Just wait until it really is popular. Then it will turn out to have, in the future, already formerly been invented as "iEventShare", an earlier patented way that is new, creative and beautiful!

@ all - Re: Muahahaha

Beg differ. The 2015 election will be won by the party with the candidate with the most retweets of her new internet filtering & preventive prosecution policy.

Because you won't dare not to vote for CP*.

Lots of precedents in history.

*Not Child Porn, Claire Perry.

@ Richard Scratcher -

It was a voluntary deplatformation.

#

I was glued to the screen from start to touchdown on Saturday, but sadly had to skip yesterdays triumph. Just as nerve-wrecking as Apollo 11 or the WSC11*.

Congratulations to the team, especially Babbage and Dave!

*Only 38 days to wait for WSC13.

@ AC 0847h GMT - Re: Is it just the herd effect?

Oh my.

And I thought it would be Dell. Stupid of me; eBay has four letters as well.

Really? Do I really need tinfoil?

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2013/08/22/fanbois_wail_and_gnash_their_teeth_as_icloud_falls_down/#c_1934849

Re: Right-angle poo

Neil, you're looking for the term 'waste stack'.

@ FredBloggsY - Re: "Apps" - WTF?

It's dangerous to be upset alone. Here, read this:

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2012/07/17/andreas_koch_Who_coined_the_term_App/

Or, alternatively, have a Snickers.

A minute silence please

for our valiant first playmonaut, who did not survive drowning in his spacesuit.

@ evil auditor - Re: @andreas koch @ Evil Auditor - Blitzkrieg

Zere iz a reazon zey tolt me to leeve . . .

@ AC 1423h GMT - Re: More lipstick on a pig.

No joking. OK, then, serious now; I actuallly mean it. (And, although it won't pacify Steve, this also applies to Samsung.)

The reason for a 'gold' iPhone should be obvious. Show that it's an iPhone 5S, not an old iPhone 5 which you otherwise couldn't tell.

I've called high-end-mobiles 'Veblen Goods*' more than once. You will find them with people who neither need the functionality, nor are they able to use it to it's full potential. In this case the mobile is a fashion status symbol.

As a fashion article, it only serves it's purpose if it clearly shows that it IS high fashion. Hence the overwhelming branding on FCUK and Abercrombie & Finch wear or the Dolce & Gabanna handbags.

What if you can't tell the new from the old? You would have wasted your money on an article that does not immediately show that you're a trendy person, and thereby does not serve it's main function.

A Samsung Galaxy 5 that looks like a Galaxy 2 is a no-status phone, you might just a well have the old one.

An iPhone 5S in gold states that you have a distinguishable 'new' model, as last year's model only came in black or white. Even better, if the gold model is, let's say, £50 more expensive. This shows that you are successful enough to not have to worry about paying 10% above the average price.

The most clever thing about all this is the actual price point of the article. You couldn't afford an Aston Martin DB9 to show off, neither to have it resprayed in gold. But everyone can afford an iPhone. It might mean that there's £30 a month less to go around, but that can be picked up somewhere, it's only £7.50 a week. This is, in matters of inconvenience, much cheaper than a Breitling or a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti** sneakers.

See, Steve, no offence. This is not an Apple issue at all to me. This is a 'tech fashion' issue.

And no-one does this better than Apple.

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veblen_good

**No, I didn't know that name either; I just googled for an example.

Re: Error Error Error

> . . .

Most of the violations involved unauthorised surveillance of Americans and foreigners in the US. Problems arose thanks to clumsy operator mistakes, insufficient or inaccurate research, failures to follow the correct procedures and even typos.

. . . <

Typos.

And no one mentioned Terry Gilliam's Brazil yet.

@ AC1943h GMT - Re: Yawn...

I bet you wont yawn when the new iPhone 5S turns out to even work when you're holding it wrong! I know, that wasn't mentioned in the list, but maybe . . .

@ Captain DaFT - Re: Ah...

I would think that it was a warning from Google; along the lines: A nice internet you have there, shame if something like *click* THIS *click* would happen to it . . .

Still want to buy a non-Andrioid device?<coughcough>

@ Kubla Cant - Re: Sad Gits

> . . .

ride a Lambretta.

. . .<

Did you mean "Lamb Rapist" ?

@ Pen-y-gors - Re: Strange

What is the article actually about? I can't read it because my ISP blocked the page; apparently it has the words "kids" and "erect" in close proximity, which suggested that it's CP*.

Child Porn, not Claire Perry.

@ Velv -

>. . .

banning things seems to be the favoured option of most MPs these days.

<

Mostly CP*.

Not child porn, Claire Perry, MP Devizes.

@ Amousous Cowherder - Re: Mass media makes choices obvious shocker!

You're absolutely right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_6IguuvQVc

(in German)

Asking people on the street whether Broccoli should be banned or whether there should be a deposit for stupid and the like. One lady was asked if she supports a cause and she answers yes, after which the reporter ask again: "so, you're against it then?" and she goes: "yes"

People in bulk only hear noises. Not words.

@ Timmay - Re: 0.0.0.0/0

. . . and 224.0.0.0/4, as you're at it.

@ robert_raw -

Let me guess why: No Angry Birds?

@ LarsG - Re: Make or Break?

I'm actually starting to wonder why so many people are even bothering to write about a bad update to an OS that they didn't want in the first place. Why?

You don't like it: don't use it. Dead easy.

Every second posting here whines how rubbish Win8.1 is. Why even be concerned? it's not as if you are forced to buy it. There's always IOS or some flavour of Linux.

I'm not exactly a windows fanboi; this laptop here runs on Ubuntu, my media centre on Mint and at work we're using CentOs/RHEL. I haven't touched a Windows machine for months. But this is getting silly: why slag it off, if you have a choice?

It's like saying "Tripe soup is horrible, it's so awful, yuk yuk yuk, ewww. The stuff is so vile it surely tastes like poo and if you put salt and pepper in it it tastes like poo more. Bwaaa."

Just don't have it for dinner?

I can't see that a shortage

or even a no-show would matter all that much. I'm not a gamer, but the way that most reg readers react to anything Microsoft lately, I don't expect that anybody would actually want to have one.

It appears that they'd all gladly pay for MS stuff to be scrapped before it gets to the market.