* Posts by andreas koch

851 posts • joined 14 Jun 2008

It's official: Apple sends out invitations for September 10 event

andreas koch

@ thesykes - Re: I think it's going to be bigger than expected.

Beg differ.

The name means everything. Any progression in model naming, be it a number increment or a suffix, together with an easily recognisable new feature (like the double LED of the new 5S, which makes it obvious that it's not a plain old 5) is the reason to buy it*. You would not want to be seen with a 'last season' iPhone texting on the way to your Starbucks**, just as you wouldn't wear last year's dress style or have last year's shoes on.

Gotta keep up with the fashion and the Jones's, eh? And don't, really don't, buy a Fisher-Price-Edition iPhone5C! That makes you look like putting a BMW M5 sticker on a 316d; laughing stock for the "Real iPhone" owners. The best bet is to go for a urobilin coloured golden one. It shows more 'haute bohème'.

*after getting pantwettingly exited about the new, beautiful and creative features like erm . . . uh.

**for your part-time afternoon shift.

andreas koch

@ JDX - Re: Think of the fanbois - El reg.

Here you go

Give us a break: Next Android version to be called 'KitKat'

andreas koch

Windows Phone 9

Codename 'Snickers'


Brit music body BPI lobbies hard for 'UK file-sharers database'

andreas koch

@ Sureo - Re: The solution is simple...

I'd have another solution: Why doesn't the BPI just route the entire UK internet traffic through their headquarters? Then they have all the control over every user and every byte. I'm sure that the savings from the cessation of piracy would easily make up for the expense to buy hardware that can handle and check 2.5 TB per second*. They can also print all of this out and send a copy to Devizes, so that the local MP there can vet the data and look for porn, prawn, pawns and whatever else she thinks harmful. Think of the children.

*This figure is based roughly on the upgraded 100Gb bandwidth of the backbone fibres GCHQ tapped into, together about 200 Petabyte a day. This would be seriously heavy iron (probably would need some new breakthroughs in parallel processing . . .) and good for the industry. Unfortunately it'd also eat about 120 GW, so that the national grid would fry. Having nothing left to run your pirating pervert computer with, the problem is thereby solved!

Back to the dark ages, just avoid Wiltshire.

Apple to accept iPhone trade-ins at US Retail Stores

andreas koch

@ Steve Davies 3 - Re: How about...


andreas koch

@ Dave 52 - Re: Condition

Nothing much.

I think that there will be issues with the 'condition' that will keep the refund value low.

And that, as a wild guess of mine, is because Apple has other plans for your traded in iPhone5:

You don't think it'll come back as a 'reconditioned' or 'refurbished' or even 'second hand' iPhone5, do you? No, it will be stripped, re-flashed and provided with a 2$ plastic shell. And, Hey Presto!, we have the new, American built iPhone 5C with an unmatchable BOM.

Now that would be an idea worthy of Apple. Selling the same phone twice to two different classes of customers, helping along the sales of the new, more expensive one with a part of the gains of the low-cost, recycled old one.

This is taking the 'passing down' from the consumer* and monetizing it. It'd be pure genius.

* A lot of older iPhones get passed on to the kids. Of course that only works if you have kids, and they don't mind having an 'old' iPhone. And it hasn't the incentive of saving money on the newest model for yourself.

With this scheme the current iPhone can be passed on without having the stain of being old (it's a new iPhone5C!), it can be passed on regardless of having someone to pass it on to, You can promote that it has been 'Made in America' and you get people who might be tiring of following the correct fashion back into the fold. Gotta love it!

China confirms plans for first Moon visit later this year

andreas koch

Hint for Chris Miller - Re: Hint for Herr Habel

That would be " Hint for Herrn Habel".

Don't use a German address unless you know how it works and how to inflect it correctly.

Wer im Schlachthaus sitzt, sollte nicht mit Schweinen werfen.

Fandroids blow $200,000 on secret PANIC BUTTON for their smartmobes

andreas koch

@ illiad - Re: Very clever


Web showered in golden iPhone 5S vid glory - but is it all a DISTRACTION?

andreas koch

@ Rukario - Re: Is Glass too new to copy?

I prefer Nokia's 'Here'.

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ Khaptain - Re: What a title

Are you trying to tell us that they took the p155 for so long that they can now concentrate it into an iPhone body material?

andreas koch

@ LPF - Re: @AC 28th August 2013 14:07 but Apple will probably wait ..

Even from here I can see your spittle flying. Calm down. This is not a dedicated Apple fan forum, you will always get the odd upsetting post from someone who doesn't agree with the right point of view!

Maybe http://www.applefansite.com/ would suit your taste better?

andreas koch

@ bluesxman - @ Re: Is Glass too new to copy?

Wow, mate, you're in trouble!

If anyone at Apple likes that idea it will soon have already been invented and trademarked and you'll get sued for now previously later using it without in the future asking permission to do so first.

Totally apart from that: I looked at the video at must say that the new iPhone 5s in champagne* is so innovative, beautiful and a creative breakthrough that I'm sure it'll outsell all former iPhones!

*Will the colour really be called champagne? Just wondering, because the French will try to kick off a major fuss when their fizzy wine makers have to rename their products. And no, not all that unlikely:


Samsung sets Sept 4 for Galaxy Gear smartwatch showoff

andreas koch
Paris Hilton

@ AC 2012h GMT - Re: Maybe

A watch with a touch screen, most likely LCD or OLED (people don't like e-ink all that much, it's too 'un-hip' and besides: monochrome? How can you tell a cerulean or teal marked link from a chartreuse one?) and Bluetooth (even low power BLE) that lasts a week when active?

Golf cart battery on the wrist, anyone?

OK, maybe with a built in camera, movement activated, that detects when you look and only then switches the screen on. But then, how can people see what a Dick (Tracy) you are, when your watch is off most of the time?

Decisions, decisions . . .

Facebook unwraps SHARING IS CARING photo album function

andreas koch

@ DJ Smiley - Re: Still playing catch up with google then...

Just wait until it really is popular. Then it will turn out to have, in the future, already formerly been invented as "iEventShare", an earlier patented way that is new, creative and beautiful!

UK gov call-centre serfs told: Fondle your button for HAPPINESS

andreas koch

@ all - Re: Muahahaha

Beg differ. The 2015 election will be won by the party with the candidate with the most retweets of her new internet filtering & preventive prosecution policy.

Because you won't dare not to vote for CP*.

Lots of precedents in history.

*Not Child Porn, Claire Perry.

andreas koch


> . . .

A government source said: "The Cabinet Office [which runs GDS] is always interested in hearing what people think, so that's why this new service has been installed. There must be people who phone up with positive feedback, otherwise it wouldn't have been installed."


Ergo: There must be people who like higher taxes, otherwise they wouldn't be charged?

Ergo: There must be people who like being dead, otherwise there wouldn't be corpses?

What kind of assumptive logic is that?

Oh, wait: "A government source". Well, that explains it.

Bionic Brit Babbage Bear boards brilliant balloon, bests ballsy Baumgartner

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ Richard Scratcher -

It was a voluntary deplatformation.


I was glued to the screen from start to touchdown on Saturday, but sadly had to skip yesterdays triumph. Just as nerve-wrecking as Apollo 11 or the WSC11*.

Congratulations to the team, especially Babbage and Dave!

*Only 38 days to wait for WSC13.

EFF, Lessig battling copyright takedowns

andreas koch

@ John Smith 19 - Re: So 10secs in 50 mins --> DCMA takedown notice.

To be fair, it's more than 10s. More like a minute.

But nevertheless, it's for illustrative, educational purposes, not continuous and less than 2% of the lecture's runtime.

They should be glad that they're getting free promotion, he could have picked someone else.

andreas koch

> . . .

To me this sounds like the clips were stripped from the lectures and stitched together for an independent musical performance on YouTube.

I don't know how you can frame a legally persuasive "fair use" case out of that. The take down order seems perfectly legitimate.


To me this sounds like you didn't bother to look at the video.

I don't know how you can build an opinion like this.

Tat bazaar eBay takes a rest for 'scheduled maintenance', goes offline

andreas koch
Black Helicopters

@ AC 0847h GMT - Re: Is it just the herd effect?

Oh my.

And I thought it would be Dell. Stupid of me; eBay has four letters as well.

Really? Do I really need tinfoil?


Nasty BOFHses. It burns us! It burns...

andreas koch
Thumb Up

Re: Right-angle poo

Neil, you're looking for the term 'waste stack'.

iCloud outage outrage: Look, iPhoto friends, kitty just learned to... NOOO

andreas koch

This user is no longer active


andreas koch
Black Helicopters

@ Salts - Re: The end of the world is nigh

Did you spot the trend? The company names are getting shorter!

The next outage will be Dell, and after that IBM.

(Oshitohshitohshit: If this really happens, then I'll ʧↈᴟ ᴥᴖᴌᵵᵷ ᵯḧṽẚ ỻỺỽₐⅫ ↀↈ

andreas koch

@ Marketing Hack - Re: What's with all these major internet services having these outages?

See my post 1451h GMT. That's why.

Is anyone selling Bacofoil shares?

I usually reserve this Icon for CP (not Child Porn, Claire Perry), but I make an exception here.

andreas koch

@ AC 1511h GMT - Re: Fanbois vs. Troll authors - jeez, grow up


"(I have 3 Windows devices, 3 Android devices, and 3 Apple devices, it just so happens)"

Is that the rule of 3?


Easier than counting to 9.

Alternatively it could be a 3-inch entry in a d*ck measuring contest.

andreas koch
Black Helicopters

@ AC 1442h GMT - Re: iWonder


It was, as in the other cases of recent outages, the installation of the NSA-tap into the network. It just takes a bit longer with Apple, because they didn't have MacOs/BSD drivers for the hardware maintenance ready. Services will be back soon.

On another thought, most iPhone owners probably didn't even notice it because the main functionality* was not impeded.

*as a 'tech fashion item'

Ubuntu devs to get 15-min code review, full SDK love – Canonical

andreas koch

@ FredBloggsY - Re: "Apps" - WTF?

It's dangerous to be upset alone. Here, read this:


Or, alternatively, have a Snickers.

andreas koch

@ keithpeter - Re: Pity

> . . .

14.04 being the next LTS with a support period of 5 years... you know, the solid reliable one for corporate use.

. . . <

Planned to be stable, certainly. But will it be after two really big changes in a inherently diffuse user environment? I'm afraid, I have my doubts.

Still nice to know that another user liked Unity.

andreas koch


I liked Ubuntu. Even with the Unity GUI.

But this and the move to Mir will alienate so many users and developers that I believe it'll go down. Canonical has neither the business base of Microsoft, nor the fanbase of Apple to force a walled garden approach.

I think Ubuntu 14.10* will be the last one.

* Not a typo. 13.10 will introduce the changes, 14.04 will make some of them work, and 14.10 will be a last attempt to get a few users back with a half-this-half-that-152º-not-quite-around-turn that will break everything.

Space-walker nearly OPENED HELMET to avoid DROWNING

andreas koch

A minute silence please

for our valiant first playmonaut, who did not survive drowning in his spacesuit.

Bitcoin blitzkreig as Germans prepare to tax virtual currency

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ evil auditor - Re: @andreas koch @ Evil Auditor - Blitzkrieg

Zere iz a reazon zey tolt me to leeve . . .

andreas koch

@ Evil Auditor - Re: Blitzkrieg

Ve haff taken it avay to embarrats you.

@ Sebastian: Ich hab' mal vor einiger Zeit 'ne Korrektur ins Forum geschrieben, anstatt an den Author; ich hatte dann 'ne fiese Mail in der Inbox, daß man ja sowas nicht macht . . . Trotzdem Danke für's Anmerken, es hatte mich auch gejuckt, was zu schreiben.

'BLING BLING, BLING BLING' 'Hello, yes, my iPhone is made of GOLD'

andreas koch

@ AC 1423h GMT - Re: More lipstick on a pig.

No joking. OK, then, serious now; I actuallly mean it. (And, although it won't pacify Steve, this also applies to Samsung.)

The reason for a 'gold' iPhone should be obvious. Show that it's an iPhone 5S, not an old iPhone 5 which you otherwise couldn't tell.

I've called high-end-mobiles 'Veblen Goods*' more than once. You will find them with people who neither need the functionality, nor are they able to use it to it's full potential. In this case the mobile is a fashion status symbol.

As a fashion article, it only serves it's purpose if it clearly shows that it IS high fashion. Hence the overwhelming branding on FCUK and Abercrombie & Finch wear or the Dolce & Gabanna handbags.

What if you can't tell the new from the old? You would have wasted your money on an article that does not immediately show that you're a trendy person, and thereby does not serve it's main function.

A Samsung Galaxy 5 that looks like a Galaxy 2 is a no-status phone, you might just a well have the old one.

An iPhone 5S in gold states that you have a distinguishable 'new' model, as last year's model only came in black or white. Even better, if the gold model is, let's say, £50 more expensive. This shows that you are successful enough to not have to worry about paying 10% above the average price.

The most clever thing about all this is the actual price point of the article. You couldn't afford an Aston Martin DB9 to show off, neither to have it resprayed in gold. But everyone can afford an iPhone. It might mean that there's £30 a month less to go around, but that can be picked up somewhere, it's only £7.50 a week. This is, in matters of inconvenience, much cheaper than a Breitling or a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti** sneakers.

See, Steve, no offence. This is not an Apple issue at all to me. This is a 'tech fashion' issue.

And no-one does this better than Apple.

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veblen_good

**No, I didn't know that name either; I just googled for an example.

NSA coughs to 1000s of unlawful acts of snooping on US soil since 2008

andreas koch
Black Helicopters

Re: Error Error Error

> . . .

Most of the violations involved unauthorised surveillance of Americans and foreigners in the US. Problems arose thanks to clumsy operator mistakes, insufficient or inaccurate research, failures to follow the correct procedures and even typos.

. . . <


And no one mentioned Terry Gilliam's Brazil yet.

iPhone 5S: 64-bit A7, 128GB storage, flashy ƒ/2.0 camera, and...

andreas koch

@ AC1943h GMT - Re: Yawn...

I bet you wont yawn when the new iPhone 5S turns out to even work when you're holding it wrong! I know, that wasn't mentioned in the list, but maybe . . .

andreas koch

@ TomH - Re: 64-bit, why?

64-bit apps will generate 60% of the apps revenue for iTunes, wheras 32-bit apps now only generate 30%. I'm sure that's enough "pressing business need".

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ We're all in it together - Re: 128G storage

There you go.

Why does there have to be an app for that?

andreas koch

@ Necronomnomnomicon - Re: Why does there have to be an app for that?

I see your point from the performance side, code running straight on the local metal is in most cases much faster. But loads of 'website'-apps don't process anything, nor do they need to. A Twitter-app reads html and fills it into a local form and then sends a put with the input back to Twitter. Not really taxing.

It's not the Flashy games I'm wondering about, it's all these 'pass a text file' apps that no one seems to manage without. Even the Windows Phone store has something like 20 facebook apps.

Maybe I'm missing something?

andreas koch

Why does there have to be an app for that?

'K; maybe this is more a retail channel question than a mobile one.

You hear it all the time when it's about mobiles and tablets: There's an app for that. Most of these apps seem to be either links to a website, or slightly reformatted data views of the database behind the website.

How is it that mobile users want an extra software to show youtube and an extra software to show facebook and another one to show twitter, when there's a perfectly useable browser in the 'phone?

Google goes dark for 2 minutes, kills 40% of world's net traffic

andreas koch

@ Captain DaFT - Re: Ah...

I would think that it was a warning from Google; along the lines: A nice internet you have there, shame if something like *click* THIS *click* would happen to it . . .

Still want to buy a non-Andrioid device?<coughcough>

'But we like 1 Direction!' Rock gods The Who fend off teen Twitter hate mob

andreas koch

@ Kubla Cant - Re: Sad Gits

> . . .

ride a Lambretta.

. . .<

Did you mean "Lamb Rapist" ?

Apple erects measures to stop app-happy kids splurging parents' dosh

andreas koch

@ Pen-y-gors - Re: Strange

What is the article actually about? I can't read it because my ISP blocked the page; apparently it has the words "kids" and "erect" in close proximity, which suggested that it's CP*.

Child Porn, not Claire Perry.

Card-cloning crooks use 3D printers to make ever-better skimmers

andreas koch

@ Velv -

>. . .

banning things seems to be the favoured option of most MPs these days.


Mostly CP*.

Not child porn, Claire Perry, MP Devizes.

andreas koch

@ AC 1612h GMT -

Don't forget to CC Claire Perry. 3D printers are surely a menace and should be blocked by default, because they are being used by child molesters and other sick people like porn watchers. Better outlaw all printers, I've heard these perverts actually print images with these things. Eeeww, makes you shudder how bad the world has become during the Labour government.

Time to tidy up hard!

Brits: We can stop trolling if we know where they live - poll

andreas koch

@ Amousous Cowherder - Re: Mass media makes choices obvious shocker!

You're absolutely right:


(in German)

Asking people on the street whether Broccoli should be banned or whether there should be a deposit for stupid and the like. One lady was asked if she supports a cause and she answers yes, after which the reporter ask again: "so, you're against it then?" and she goes: "yes"

People in bulk only hear noises. Not words.

OWN GOAL! 100s of websites blocked after UK Premier League drops ball

andreas koch

@ Timmay - Re:

. . . and, as you're at it.

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ VinceH -

Absolutely fabulous!

While it is, of course, dangerous to do this (in Ms Perry's eyes you are siding with child molesters, rapists, pirates and terrorists), I applaud your move. I don't think you'll get a lot of response on it, though; at the most something like: "The technology will improve but we have to protect the vulnerable from danger right now. Isn't that worth a bit of temporary inconvenience?".

Don't forget that these people are not very technically minded (I'm deliberately avoiding derogatory terms here . . .).

Anyway, have a thumbsup from me for this!

Microsoft: That $900m Surface write-down is smarting

andreas koch

@ robert_raw -

Let me guess why: No Angry Birds?

Make or break: Microsoft sets date for CRUCIAL Win 8.1 launch

andreas koch

@ LarsG - Re: Make or Break?

I'm actually starting to wonder why so many people are even bothering to write about a bad update to an OS that they didn't want in the first place. Why?

You don't like it: don't use it. Dead easy.

Every second posting here whines how rubbish Win8.1 is. Why even be concerned? it's not as if you are forced to buy it. There's always IOS or some flavour of Linux.

I'm not exactly a windows fanboi; this laptop here runs on Ubuntu, my media centre on Mint and at work we're using CentOs/RHEL. I haven't touched a Windows machine for months. But this is getting silly: why slag it off, if you have a choice?

It's like saying "Tripe soup is horrible, it's so awful, yuk yuk yuk, ewww. The stuff is so vile it surely tastes like poo and if you put salt and pepper in it it tastes like poo more. Bwaaa."

Just don't have it for dinner?

Microsoft cuts number of countries that will have Xbox One by Christmas

andreas koch

I can't see that a shortage

or even a no-show would matter all that much. I'm not a gamer, but the way that most reg readers react to anything Microsoft lately, I don't expect that anybody would actually want to have one.

It appears that they'd all gladly pay for MS stuff to be scrapped before it gets to the market.

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