* Posts by andreas koch

851 posts • joined 14 Jun 2008

Peak Apple: Has ANYONE at all ordered a new iPhone 5c?

andreas koch

@ AC 1523h GMT - Re: Tim Cook needs to go. He is destroying Apple.


andreas koch

@ CmdrX3 - Re: I think Apple missed the point

. . . to quote Meatloaf: "Two out of three ain't bad."


andreas koch

@ Steve Foster - Re: Obviously

No, they're not. and that has a reason:

The iPhone 5C can only go on the market in relevant numbers when enough people have bought an iPhone 5S and traded in their iPhone 5 for $149,- . These then have to be stripped of their posh housing and re-fabricated with the Fisher-Price*-design housing, re-flashed and reshipped to the shops for $450,-.

So the 5C relies on the sales of the 5S and leftover stocks of the 5.

I made that up, of course, but wouldn't put it past them.

*Fisher-Price, with their experience in infant and baby toys, have been advertising this-that-and-the-other -free plastics for years. They also have all the toddler-soothing colours figured out. I'm sure there's some synergistic cooperation going.

ISPs set to install network-level smut filters despite Lib Dem opposition

andreas koch

@ Rukario -


I just have the feeling that after the CP* reveals it's renaming to Ingsoc and creates the Minitrue that there will not be a PornoSec . . .

*Not Child Porn, Conservative Party. Or Claire Perry, if you prefer.

andreas koch

@ Shrimpling - Re: Democracy by Mumsnet

What a wonderful idea! Apart, of course, from the fact that Claire Perry will be automatically blocked for having the initials CP and a lot of mentions of porn on her site.

As soon as there's somewhere that one can report websites to, I'll be on it and report just about everything.

For example this atrocity, this smut, certainly this or anything related to the Conservative Party.

I also would like naked images excluded from the school curriculum, especially from biology and PSHE, seeing that parents aren't even asked about this filth.

Children under 25 should by law be required to wear a sheet-metal burqa anyway . . .

Where the <Austrian town of choice> is this going?

It's official: The iPhone 5S bling-mobe IS chavvy. OR, Burberry isn't

andreas koch

@ mysterious, following downvoter:

If you sign up for another account, you can drop twice as many downvotes, did you know? Also, it's much easier to go to the "posts by [handle]" page, and just work your way down there, otherwise you might miss an opportunity . . .

Efficiency, dear fellow, efficiency!

(posted your face without asking for permission first, is that OK?)

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ JeffyPoooh - Re: Apple misses the mark...

I'd upvote that twice if I could.

andreas koch

. . . and my grammar is rubbish.


andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ Darryl -

I totally agree. But it doesn't seem to be the opinion of the masses: whenever I've posted that iPhones are fashion items (or Veblen goods), I get dozens of downvotes.

Of course, that might just be because I'm a snide, sarky twat of a kraut.

andreas koch

@ Kristian Walsh - Re: Burberry had a Spring 2013 show last year . . .

Ah. You didn't get it. Borg.King was taking the mickey out of Jasper Hamill's typo in the article. Of course the 2013 spring/ summer catwalk took place in 2012.

The line should read "Burberry staff have been given the latest iThings to photograph the label's spring-summer 2014 catwalk on Monday."

Do send a correction, woudcha?

SolAce, Team Arrow inch towards Solar Challenge starting line

andreas koch

Unashamed link dropping

When the last WSC took place, Jeroen Haringman provided a really comprehensive, near-real-time coverage on his solar power enthusiast website www.solarwebsite.nl.

Now there's also www.solarracing.org specifically dedicated to solar racing. I expect him to excel again.

Of course there's the official http://www.worldsolarchallenge.org, which had an online tracker running during WSC11. Unfortunately this tracker, as many Register readers and commentards may remember, didn't quite work so well due to network problems.

Since Lester Haines is too busy fondling Lohan this year, we will probably not get as much on-site news, but I'll hope for a good coverage anyway.

Oh, and Lester: Hands off her brastrap, please. She might go off unnecessarily . . .

Should Nominet ban .uk domains that use paedo and crim-friendly words?

andreas koch

@ AC 1707h GMT - Re: Well, that's an end to Cheese Pizza then, isn't it

Claire Perry!

andreas koch

. . . and another thing - Re: Banning words

Something completely related.

andreas koch

@ Colin Millar - Re: Banning words

Well, if we get CP* to have a word in it, book burning will only be the start.

I think she read "1984" and "Fahrenheit 451", but thought they were official guidelines. I suspect that as soon as she had her dinner with Jimmy Wales (he volunteered to enlighten her a bit about web filtering) she will put a proposal for a moderated, mirrored and change-locked UK-net whitelist to the House of Whoever. Since she can then actually guarantee that there's no smut whatsoever (not even anything that mumsnet could object to, they most likely being on the control board) on there, she'll probably even get it through.

Well, see it this way: Freedom of information was nice while it lasted. Time to move on, and maybe move out.

* Not Child Porn, Claire Perry, MP.

Windows 8.1: Microsoft's reluctant upgrade has a split-screen personality

andreas koch

@ joeW - Re: I suspect...

Hey, not just that! He also spelled it Windoze (geddit, hey, geddit?) and called it a turd!

I bet Microsoft is now totally intimidated by this reasonable and rightful criticism and will immediately stop trading altogether.

We should all thank Longrod_von_Hugendong, the fighter for a better world by arbitray application of playground coprology.

You thought NFC tags were Not For Consumers? Well, they're in Maplin's

andreas koch

@ Oli 1 -


or you can goto ebay and get 10 for a £1, free delivery.


Here I have to chip in and defend the high street.

True: Almost everything that you can buy in any high street store is cheaper on ebay, especially when technology related.

The advantages of the ebay-traders are, of course, the traditional advantages of mail-order and catalogue businesses: No premium rents to pay, less lighting, heating, cleaning, much less staff (and that at a lower rate), and last but not at all least: No "customer" caused shrinkage. All this a brick shop has to put up with, but there's more. Lots of the electronics on ebay are from china, which means that even the lower costs for warehousing can be cut by 50% again.

A big advantage of a shop is the quality. Surely this is stupid, because isn't the stock the same? Mainly yes, it's the same stuff from the same factory. But the quality control of the reseller will spot batch faults and report them to the maker to achieve a consistent level of quality. A substantial amount of cheap traders buy up reject or B-rated stock to sell on ebay. While this doesn't necessarily mean that you get rubbish, your chance is much higher and to return it and have it exchanged is often over-proportionally time-consuming and cumbersome, whereas you can just go back and have it swapped there and then if you buy from a high-street store. A good share of them will even help you to solve the problems that you had with the item, which, in some cases, isn't actually the item's fault, but a misunderstanding what it would do ("WiFi range extenders" don't actually extend the range of your WiFi, for example) and suggest a remedy. This is naturally because they want to sell something to you, but it helps you anyway.

So, for example: You want to buy a mobile/ cell phone case. The thing costs £12.99 on the high street and £1.49 on ebay. It cost the manufacturer about 30p to make it, and 30% of his production are rejects, because the stiching isn't quite even, the colour is patchy or the cutout for the camera is not quite in the right place. These can either be binned or sold to a trader who isn't that picky.

Now, if you find that your new 'phone case is less than perfect while you try it on in CPW or phones4U, you hand it back to the sales person and get it swapped for another one until you're happy or you have your money back. If you buy that from 'heavenlyblissebayshop', it's not worth complaining; a return would take 12 weeks for a round trip and cost you as much postage as ordering new and the replacement one is not necessarily better.

Don't get me wrong, I order stuff from Shenzhen myself. But I'll be aware that it's a gamble on the quality, whether it turns up at all and how long it might take. If I want it now and perfect, the premium that I have to pay at a real counter is worth it.

To me. Your mileage opinion might vary.

Sexism in IT: starting at school

andreas koch

@ John H Woods -

Thanks for the link.

Unfortunately I can belive that that is not a single case, neither is it restricted to girls or IT.

Fancy a new iPhone 5C or 5S? READ THIS or you may not get 4G data

andreas koch

@ LPF - Re: OK not a radio engineer

You are missing something. While tuning is possible over a certain range of frequencies, you can't use the same hardware for all of them. Tuning only gets you so far, and becomes less and less efficient when you go away from your centre wavelength.

Hence the reason you had AM and LW and SW on your old radio; They're the same type of modulation, but the frequencies and bandwidths differ so much that a single circuit would become uselessly ineffective if detuned far enough to receive them all.

andreas koch

@ jai - Re: contradicting opening paragraph

You forgot this.

But anyway, who gives? iPhones are used by people who want to demonstrate how very much bleeding edge of fashion and technology and maybe cuisine they are, having a mobile/ cell phone that does not contain arsenic, mercury, brominated flame retardant or polyvinyl chloride. Also probably contains no peanuts, mustard or gluten.

It is my opinion that the internal technical workings of an iPhone are, for over 95% of the customers, totally meaningless. iPhones are bought because they can do "all these good things", the customer argues, and then finds that he or she is mostly wondering what to actually do. So they do what it can, to an extend of maybe 10%. I've met people who took pictures with the camera that they were sorry to have lost when they bought a new phone.

Really, technical merit doesn't matter a lot. Style is maybe more important. And that, I think, looking at the 5C, they would be losing against Nokia's Microsoft's Lumia range. They're cheaper and the colours look a lot better to me (that pink isn't pink, it's "sick salmon")

Dyson takes Samsung to court in UK over vacuum cleaner

andreas koch
Paris Hilton

One snake oil trader

telling another snake oil trader not to sell snake oil that claims to be as effective as his snake oil.

While he might have a point, if Samsung's vacuum cleaners are copies of Dyson's then they're another brand I wouldn't consider.

Numatic Henry, the Nokia 3310 of the vacuum cleaner world, for the win!

Paris, because, well, you know . . . ;-)


andreas koch

@ Mr C - Re: bad taste

That RMS quote has been chewed to bits. He didn't write or mean "dead". Read this and judge again.

I personally think that Mr Stallman is not a very likeable character, but politically suicidal he's not.

Apple's no-news Beijing event leaves it adrift in China

andreas koch

@Phil Buk - Re: Pay more for a plasticky inferior product?

Surely you meant "hovercraft"? Get your Python (Monty) right . . .


andreas koch

@ chr0m4t1c - Re: Pay more for a plasticky inferior product?

Dolphin at lee a cave of autocucumber.

Google backs gallery of computer-crazed female boffinry at Bletchley Park

andreas koch

@ Craigness - women in uranium mining campaign

At the moment on hold; the chairwoman is on maternity leave, looking after her conjoined hexadecuplets.

Sorry, really. I shouldn't post this. Germans aren't appreciated for black humour.

Put down the (cod)piece and step away: Artist cuffed after sculpture cockup

andreas koch

Re: I would ask the security agency for better trained guards

> . . .

seen Die Hard will even know what sound it makes, (the big blond bad guy has one if I remember right)

. . . <

Unlikely. "Die Hard" went into the cinemas in 1988, 2 years before FN's "Project '90(< - -hint)" was released. You most likely confuse that with a Steyr AUG, which doesn't even remotely look similar. This could explain your opinion.


andreas koch

@ Maharg - Re: In fairness...


I don't think you have ever come closer than 50 metres to a real firearm, let alone touched one. And I don't think that you have much of an idea of how one works other than that you press the "A" button and "Z" simultaneously to reload (or whatever combination it is on your favourite console).

This might be due to being British or being 15 years old.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not berating the Brits for having no firearms. I live here myself and cope nicely now without a revolver, an automatic pistol and a pump-gun.

But a professional security guard should be able to see at a glance whether it's a weapon or not. And he should have more training than having seen "Die Hard" or played "Call of Duty" or even heard the sound that a weapon makes, no matter what colour the weapon is (as a reference to your earlier post).

These guys were supposed to be professionals, and while they were beating up an old man holding a comically oversized, skimpy-framed model penisvolver without a cylinder(!), their client was unguarded.

No. they didn't do their job right.

andreas koch

I would ask the security agency for better trained guards


If you bother to take a look at the actual piece, then you'll find that it looks as much like a working revolver as Bob Hoskins' cartoon shooter does in "Who framed Roger Rabbit". Even at a glance.

Which isn't the bad thing; they are just a bit overprotective like this and produce false positives.

But what happens if someone walks in with an FN P90? Looks nothing like an everyday rifle and would probably, by these guys, be recognised as a battery operated precision vacuum cleaner. Or this, which could just as well be made of Semtex, C4 or the like. Would the guards be suspicious? Most likely not.

The real danger is that security guards don't get trained enough and are, more often than not, recruited from a, let's say it nicely, rather plain but overenthusiastic group of people.

'Beat the lie detectors' trainer sentenced to 8 months in jail

andreas koch
Thumb Up

@ Cliff - Re: Polygraph as God

Well, if your understanding is correct and it's a belief thing (and that sounds quite reasonable to me), then it follows that if he would have programmed an iPhone app that would have taught how to beat a polygraph, it would have worked even better. And he would probably have got away with it, There's a lot of apps that are just digitised snake oil and no one cares.

Let's meet at the patent office, we're going to be rich!

BT doles out measly 2GB to customers in Dropbox-alike BT Cloud

andreas koch

@ Magister - Re: My first hard drive..

Chisel, ey?. Newfangled modern stuff.

I had some fingerpaint made from mud and a cave wall.

And I had to walk 15 miles uphill to Mammoth hunting lessons, both ways!

andreas koch

@ LinkOfHyrule - Re: I claim prior art, see above.

Nah, I'll wait , , ,

If it works out, I'll sue; if not, thanks for free testing!

andreas koch

@ LinkOfHyrule - Re: I'm setting up a rival service!

I claim prior art, see above.

andreas koch

Now here's an idea:

Why doesn't the GCHQ offer a free cloud storage plan?

They're holding all data anyway and, on top of that, could use this to stop all this redundant double and triple storing of your cat pix. With only references to data held in the Cheltenham Doughnut internet traffic would be a lot less, and thereby the need to upgrade the broadband out in the sticks could be put off for another few decades.


Hey, it's Friday!

Apple spanked by judge in price-fixing injunction – but not too hard

andreas koch

@ MyBackDoor - Re: Managed Law: Loosing Sight.


"I want this injunction to rest as lightly as possible on how Apple runs its business," she said
. . .<

, "because otherwise I'll have to buy all the iPads and iPhones for my family's Christmas presents all by myself."

andreas koch

Cote ordered Apple to employ an "Antitrust Compliance Officer [ . . .] who will report to Apple's board on anything fishy they might uncover.

Not to the DoJ, but to Apple's board? And they will then stop that? Yeah, right.

And just to add a bit of icing to the compliance cake, Cote ordered Apple to annually inform its employees that if they come across any violation of either her Final Judgment or antitrust laws, they may bring such violations to the attention of the Antitrust Compliance Officer "without reprisal."

"It's not a punishment for telling on us, mate, really it isn't. But the restrooms do need cleaning now . . ."

I bet the Apple top management feels really whipped about all this.

US military: 'Help us build the ROBO-WARFIGHTER OF THE FUTURE'

andreas koch

@ John Smith 19 - Re: It's a brilliant idea.

c.) : Why leave it at "random" faults? Hack the tracking so that the "red squad" now sees the "blue squad" as "enemy" and "enemy" as "blue squad".

Lean back and wait for autosolve of problem.

And for your point b.): I totally agree. It's the same as with password cracking, lock opening or getting the combination of a safe. A certain amount of sadism, a cheese grater and a pair of long nose pliers will get you access to any kind of needed information or control if applied to the right person.

As for "The Warrior's Apprentice", I take it you refer to the book by Lois McMaster Bujold? Haven't read it myself, but maybe I should . . .

andreas koch

@ Flocke Kroes - Re: Imagine a microphone in every street lamp ...

I like that idea of the armour reacting to external sensors.

It would make it so much more entertaining to stop an attacking force.

I envision some bad boy stealthily taping old iPods with Techno tracks on repeat to these active listening lamp posts. It would probably look like a stalled video game: Soldier enters zone where sensor misinterprets Techno as heavy gunfire, suit freezes up, soldier stands still and gets knocked out by 12-year-old guerilla wielding a stick with a nail in it.

Amazon to offer FREE smartphone?

andreas koch
Paris Hilton

@ AC 1312h GMT -

> . . .

to watch an hour of adverts a day?

Or have all of your phone activity analyzed and data-mined.


You've written that down as if it wasn't happening anyway, here and now . . .

Google thrusts cash at developers in emerging countries

andreas koch

And the winner is:

Akilele Mbwati and her all girls team from the Democratic Republic of the Congo producing a wonderful web application which will make a real difference to the people in the neighbourhood: Google H2O QC™, an application that alerts all downstream residents of the Luvua river of drifting crocodile dung through postings on Google+ with GPS-tagged videos submitted by other users. This enables all participants to avoid contaminated water by only fetching some when there's no Turd-Alert™.

The minor inconvenience of having to hike 420 miles to Kabinda to up- or download the current water status will surely soon be a thing of the past when everyone will have an affordable smartphone [~$22?] and a Google-Loon™ hovering over the village.

Virgin Galactic spaceship goes supersonic in second test flight

andreas koch
IT Angle

@ Mark 85 - Re: For all the whining about global warming....

You're doing it wrong, I think.

A more receptive audience might be found at solstice festivals close to leyline crossings, wearing hand-felted throws made from naturally shed badger hair . . .

andreas koch

@ James Boag -

True. I was reminded of Dr. Cornelius . . .

Panasonic whips out MONSTER fondleslab for serious S&M sessions

andreas koch

@ Pen-y-Gors - Re: It won't last long

Panasonic makes whiteboard markers? Or do we need glasses?



iPad 5, Retina iPad mini with 'A7X' chip home for the holidays – report

andreas koch

@ Paul 135 & Steve Davies 3 - Re: If you are going to start queueing then

Which makes it almost impossible not to grab my Microsoft Nokia Lumia 'fone and take pix of them swooning and trolling.

And then find, after turning around, that there's a grinning Blackberry user snapping away at me . . .

Qualcomm reveals 'Toq' smartwatch

andreas koch

@ Ambivalous Crowboard - Re: Thumb up, obviously

Hitching a ride. You didn't get it: The Great White Handkerchief is mentioned on page 1, book 1 of the Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy*, together with Quxy's mention of the digital watch in the first post. Hence the thumb. It was a confirmatory follow-up.

Best to answer with a snide remark now, lest you should look slow . . .

*in five parts.

andreas koch
Thumb Up

Now let's see what

Apple has to show when the Great White Handkerchief is lifted on September 10 . . .

Thumb up, obviously.

Ministry of Sound sues Spotify over user playlists

andreas koch

Sinistry of Mound?

Here's the obvious follow up:

Will I be sued by Amazon for putting my Discworld collection into the same order on my bookshelf that they have it in the store: The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic, Equal Rites, Mort and so on?

What about your movies: Prometheus, Alien, Aliens . . .

Is it now protectable to have an order that makes sense? If it doesn't need to make sense, where does that put the quality of MoS's compilations?

andreas koch

@ Neil Barnes - Re: Copyright on what exactly?


You wrecked my breakfast.

Give us a break: Next Android version to be called 'KitKat'

andreas koch

@ AC 2130h GMT - Re: Windows Phone 9

Yep, the full 26 miles.

It's official: Apple sends out invitations for September 10 event

andreas koch

@ Will Godfrey - Re: Sorry, can't stop...

Do you do that as a hobby, or are you a professional Surface Coating Desiccation Supervisor?

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