* Posts by Ben Bonsall

327 posts • joined 4 Jun 2008

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What if tech moguls brewed real ale?

Ben Bonsall

Re: Hipsters Nipple

Total Inability To Support Upended Pint.

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Ben Bonsall

GreyBeerd

Produces a deep state of depression at the faddishness of javascript frameworks.

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Ben Bonsall

ArgumentNotFound 0.2%

Self explanatory.

3 ó (that should be an Atari st bomb symbol but close enough) 14%

Thick, golden and heavy, you'll find the reason for the name of this barley wine when you get into the taxi at the end of the night.

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Science! Luminescent nanocrystals could lead to multi-PB optical discs

Ben Bonsall

"But then the disc's rotation speed has to be super-constant and the read:write head movement super-precise so that the positioning, depth and timing of head laser firing can match the nanocrystal sizing and layering."

Why spin the disc? Have a flat square that the head can move across, or better, have the head mounted so the read/write point is scanned by adjusting the optics, rather then move the disc or the head. Or am I missing something?

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What a flap: SIM swiped from slain stork's GPS tracker used to rack up $2,700 phone bill

Ben Bonsall

Re: So for 20 hours . . .

Do you have the one about Nelson, or Doctor Y and the Thing?

I have only really terrible recordings ogf those...

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Ben Bonsall

Re: So for 20 hours . . .

If you remember that gag from I'm sorry i'll read that again then you're probably older :)

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Microsoft will ‘lose developers for a generation’ if it stuffs up GitHub, says future CEO

Ben Bonsall

Re: Coming soon to github

"I see you are using git merge, would you like me to smash it all together and hope for the best?"

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Crappy IoT on the high seas: Holes punched in hull of maritime security

Ben Bonsall

Re: @Christoph

CRC is for checking that noise hasn't changed the signal, it's not intended as security.

Like double entry bookkeeping, it is intended to prevent errors, not someone adding a fraudulent transaction...

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International Maritime Organisation turns salty gaze on regulating robotic shipping

Ben Bonsall

Re: Tortuga bound

"Just box it in at the bow with 2 reasonably sized vessels and it'll have to slow down or stop for safety reasons"

A big containership or bulk carrier can take an hour or so to slow down*... don't park too close in front.

An hours warning for the ship's owners to know that something is deliberately slowing the ship. Given that pirates will probably be closish to shore, that's probably enough time to scramble a couple of planes loaded with parachute and gun toting security personnel.

*I learned this from Ship Simulator, may not be accurate :)

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Shining lasers at planes in the UK could now get you up to 5 years in jail

Ben Bonsall

The thing about lasers is they go straight, well, refraction diffraction etc aside.

This makes it quite easy to trace them back to the origin, indeed, that's the basis of laser guided missiles after all... So location and punishment in one device is certainly possible.

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The steaks have never been higher: Swiss Lidl is selling local cannabis

Ben Bonsall

Hopefully all phones are phosgene free, it's a registered chemical weapon...

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Can't log into your TSB account? Well, it's your own fault for trying

Ben Bonsall

Re: Surprisingly, perhaps, I can't ever recall a piece of software that was a waste of time.

I still have the CD for that, I once spent a few days trying to convert it to run on win 95. That was a waste of time too.

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I couldn't give a Greek clock about your IoT fertility tracker

Ben Bonsall

Surely gloating is an irish lightbulb?

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What is your favourite cider?

Ben Bonsall

Do you need a license for applejack in the US? In northern europe, it's normally made using an eisbock method instead of distilling, so no license is needed...

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Amateur astronomer strikes it lucky with first glimpse of a Supernova

Ben Bonsall

Re: Nova GSi?

Depends on whether you're a whelk or not.

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IT peeps, be warned: You'll soon be a museum exhibit

Ben Bonsall

Re: What job will last forever

Accountants were automated out of a job years ago, but they are really good a lobbying the government to keep the tax and accounting rules changing often enough to ensure that the people who write the automation are always several steps behind and so need a trained lobbist to make sure it's doing it's job...

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Rotary dials

The contact list is stored in a little black box next to the phone that looks a lot like an iphone with a simulation of a card index running on it..

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Japan's Robo-Bartenders point to a golden future

Ben Bonsall

Duvel glasses are designed so you get about 5-6 cm of head. The tradition was that you had to finish the beer before the head was gone. Before they added a head keeper to the glass, this was about 15 minutes. Now it's about 40 which is much easier for an 8.5% beer.

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Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

Ben Bonsall

No, we will, don't worry.

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It took us less than 30 seconds to find banned 'deepfake' AI smut on the internet

Ben Bonsall

Re: He didn't do it

not true, if done in public it may be a crime if anyone finds it offensive. almost certainly if done near a school

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Knock, knock. Who’s there? Another Amazon Key door-lock hack

Ben Bonsall

Why does it not have a latch that closes as soon as the door is opened, you know, like pretty much every normal outside door?

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Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content

Ben Bonsall

As long as they don't change Buckfast.

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Danger! High voltage: German customs bods burn half-tonne of weed in power station

Ben Bonsall

Re: "Cannot be traced back to the source"

Not necessarily. Some stuff comes from OUTSIDE the Earth, you know, as in extraterrestrial stuff. Meteorites, for example, don't come from Earth, so Mother Earth isn't everything's mother like you think.

So you're saying mother earth is getting stoned with some extraterrestrial rock?

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Sex robot forum venue 'encrypted in a poem'

Ben Bonsall

Re: Cue My Marilyn Monrobot

The neighbours' Aibo digging holes.

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Release the KRACKen patches: The good, the bad, and the ugly on this WPA2 Wi-Fi drama

Ben Bonsall

yes. repeaters.

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Ben Bonsall

dd-wrt builds from yesterday already have the patch. :)

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The Google Home Mini: Great, right up until you want to smash it in fury

Ben Bonsall

Re: Silly Valley

Orac? I want Masaq'.

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Footie ballsup: Petition kicks off to fix 'geometrically impossible' street signs

Ben Bonsall

Re: Metric please

How long is a pieces of string?

one metric stringlength.

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What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

Ben Bonsall

Really? I thought they must have been pissed when they came up with HS2...

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Ben Bonsall

What's the probablility of being fired after being caught drunk the first time?

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ITU-T wants video sizes to halve again by 2020

Ben Bonsall

Re: Is this even possible?

Thern gets eaten by a gru

Easy.

Former Swedish National Football captain's head on a plate, Cartoon villain holding knife and fork.

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Boffin wins (Ig) Nobel prize asking if cats can be liquid

Ben Bonsall

Re: Cats are neither a solid nor a liquid.

Can a cat be poured into two separate containers at the same time?

Yes:

https://arxiv.org/abs/1601.05505

"Quantum superpositions of distinct coherent states in a single-mode harmonic oscillator, known as "cat states", have been an elegant demonstration of Schrodinger's famous cat paradox. Here, we realize a two-mode cat state of electromagnetic fields in two microwave cavities bridged by a superconducting artificial atom, which can also be viewed as an entangled pair of single-cavity cat states. We present full quantum state tomography of this complex cat state over a Hilbert space exceeding 100 dimensions via quantum non-demolition measurements of the joint photon number parity. The ability to manipulate such multi-cavity quantum states paves the way for logical operations between redundantly encoded qubits for fault-tolerant quantum computation and communication. "

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Dude who claimed he invented email is told by judge: It's safe to say you didn't invent email

Ben Bonsall

Re: Where Do I Find These Lawyers

Bottom of a pond.

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China: Cute Hyperloop Elon, now watch how it's really done

Ben Bonsall

Re: All this talk

The opening chapters of Surface Detail (Iain M Banks) contain a pretty good description of a virtual afterlife provided by amazon...

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Ben Bonsall

Re: Lightbulb moment?

Surely it just lights up. So potentially, heat-haze.

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Terry Pratchett's unfinished works flattened by steamroller

Ben Bonsall

Re: I'm touched by the weirdness of this request...

+1 For Discworld Noir - Hell of a lot better entertainment vs frustration compared to the other Discworld games.

Never! unless there is a point in a point and click where you literally have to try everything with everything else until some ridiculous pun emerges, it's not a point and click.

Also, the 3d interface was annoying. Ask me about how Grim Fandango was the beginning of the end.

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Should you stay awake at night worrying about hackers on the grid?

Ben Bonsall

Seagulls with baguettes.

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iRobot just banked a fat profit. And it knows how to make more: Sharing maps of your homes

Ben Bonsall

More likely it would photograph your household items so that Amazon could say: "We noticed that you have these items, would you like to buy more of them, exactly the same?"

We noticed your Roomba just broke one of these, would you like to buy another?

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Snopes.com asks for bailout amid dispute over who runs the site and collects ad dollars

Ben Bonsall

Dunno, coastguard?

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Sweden leaked every car owners' details last year, then tried to hush it up

Ben Bonsall

Re: "as much value as a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory"

As no-one else seems to have noticed, I'll point out that it's actually a quote from the very aptly named film, "Top Secret"

Nick: Listen to me, Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island, who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.

Hillary: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.

[Long pause. Both look at camera]

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Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

Ben Bonsall

Yes, I can understand.

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Instant space travel

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rimmerworld

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Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Ben Bonsall

Re: Honor Australia's Greatest Hero.

That's not a Knifey McKnifeface, it's a spoon.

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Boffins gently wake the Large Hadron Collider from annual hibernation

Ben Bonsall

Re: Winter upgrade boosted 'inverse femtobarns'

metric or imperial fucktons?

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Forget robot overlords, humankind will get finished off by IoT

Ben Bonsall

Where the hell do you order bombs from? amazon.bom? eBomb? Bombino's? Pretty sure they'd get either shut down or subpoena'd for the client list.

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SpaceX wows world with a ho-hum launch of a reused rocket, landing it on a tiny boring barge

Ben Bonsall

'Pass the savings on to the customer' => 'Pass the savings into the hollow volcano fund'

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Disney plotting 15 more years of Star Wars

Ben Bonsall

The growing pains of Han Solo

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A bigger splash: The mathematics of spilling beer

Ben Bonsall

Use a Kwak glass. Unspillable due to the large wooden stand/handle employed to keep a tall round bottomed vessel upright. Much like a barstool is used by the drinker.

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User jams up PC. Literally. No, we don't know which flavour

Ben Bonsall

Re: Turbo Button

The really hard bits in Prince of Persia became so much easier with turbo mode off...

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