* Posts by Ben Bonsall

284 posts • joined 4 Jun 2008

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Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Ben Bonsall

Re: Honor Australia's Greatest Hero.

That's not a Knifey McKnifeface, it's a spoon.

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Boffins gently wake the Large Hadron Collider from annual hibernation

Ben Bonsall

Re: Winter upgrade boosted 'inverse femtobarns'

metric or imperial fucktons?

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Forget robot overlords, humankind will get finished off by IoT

Ben Bonsall

Where the hell do you order bombs from? amazon.bom? eBomb? Bombino's? Pretty sure they'd get either shut down or subpoena'd for the client list.

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SpaceX wows world with a ho-hum launch of a reused rocket, landing it on a tiny boring barge

Ben Bonsall

'Pass the savings on to the customer' => 'Pass the savings into the hollow volcano fund'

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Disney plotting 15 more years of Star Wars

Ben Bonsall

The growing pains of Han Solo

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A bigger splash: The mathematics of spilling beer

Ben Bonsall

Use a Kwak glass. Unspillable due to the large wooden stand/handle employed to keep a tall round bottomed vessel upright. Much like a barstool is used by the drinker.

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User jams up PC. Literally. No, we don't know which flavour

Ben Bonsall

Re: Turbo Button

The really hard bits in Prince of Persia became so much easier with turbo mode off...

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Face down in a Shoreditch gutter: Attack of the kickstarting hipster

Ben Bonsall

Re: The right process - and no, not just for DracoCorp

I'd forgotten about the sim. The requirement for surgery and/or a trusted friend would be a serious impediment to switching provider...

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Ben Bonsall

Don't you need to press and hold the restart button by inserting a stylus into a convenient orifice for thirty seconds and pressing the stud behind your ear? (or is that just for DracoCorp augs?)

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FAKE BREWS: America rocked by 'craft beer' scandal allegations

Ben Bonsall

Gourmet cat food.

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European F-35 avionics to be overhauled at Sealand, says UK.gov

Ben Bonsall

Re: Remote Corner ?

--What does the Font of all internet knowledge say? Any Ariel photos on the net?

plenty.

https://www.google.be/search?q=ariel&biw=986&bih=776&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiAi46po5vQAhXGDsAKHf32BxsQ_AUIBigB

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Hm, is that a minefield? Let me just throw my magic bomb-sniffing spinach over there

Ben Bonsall

Just need enough seeds to ensure they become very fat indeed.

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Ben Bonsall

Sprinkle any old seeds, pigeons land, mines are detected. As a bonus, pigeon problem is also solved.

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Ben Bonsall

Due to a hair lip, my dog is a wafer.

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Boffins coax non-superconductive stuff into dropping the 'non'

Ben Bonsall

Re: Grand mixture of temperature scales!

what's that in Qatari summers?

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Belgian court fines Skype for failing to intercept criminals' calls in 2012

Ben Bonsall

Re: All this

Cote d'or is now made by a division of Kraft foods in Poland...

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Getting your tongue around foreign tech-talk is easier than you think

Ben Bonsall

Re: Bigger vegetables?

A hungry vegetarian.

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Oh God, here comes the artificially intelligent boss bot – look busy!

Ben Bonsall

Badass. Now we can hack the CEO to approve our pay rises and reject the board's.

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Paint your wagon (with electric circuits) but leave my crotch alone

Ben Bonsall

Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

(and, 3.09 jubs)

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

Combining this:

Alistair’s weight-loss smugathon continues, taking the total so far to 13kg.

with this:

… or, since I went vegetarian this year,

Leads me to believe it's not so much weight loss, as dangerous malnutrition...

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IoT manufacturer caught fixing security holes

Ben Bonsall

Re: Household insurance

You would need at the very least 40 bags of potatoes pilled on top of each other before the lock would give way

What's that in jubs?

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My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

Ben Bonsall

Re: Fat-Burning Hats

Then it's probably best that the hat comes with a big furry jacket to optimize performance... (optional extra, POA.)

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Fat-Burning Hats

Shouldn't be too hard- you burn a lot of energy regulating your temperature, and the head is one of the places that looses most heat, so shave the head, mount a refrigeration unit in the hat, and Bingo, weight loss.

Also, a big heavy hat will mean you burn more energy carrying it around and strengthen core muscles trying to stay upright with a fridge on the head.

The deluxe model can have a couple of slots to insert beers, for relaxing after a heavy hat wearing session.

You could even recover some energy with a peliter effect layer between the scalp and the refrigeration unit, and potentially combine it with one of those neoprene belts, redirecting the extracted heat into the belly where it can raise the core temperature, requiring more heat loss through the head.

Perpetual motion, until you run out of fat. Or collapse under the weight. Whichever.

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English Uber alles in London taxis? No way, TfL – taxi app titan

Ben Bonsall

Re: Do I really need my driver to speak English?

Best cab I ever had, I got in, gabbled the address, and the GPS heard me and repeated it back, and off we went. Didn't have to speak to the driver at all...

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World religions stake out positions on Pokemon Go

Ben Bonsall

"They'll be offered tea and cake"

I'm sure it was cake or death.

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Blighty will have a whopping 24 F-35B jets by 2023 – MoD minister

Ben Bonsall

'No need for the Army, RAF or most of the Navy.'

Give it a couple of years, and the killer bees, grown huge and souped up on sugar from all the unpicked fruit, will be a tricky target for a nuclear tipped cruise...

Ideal targets for an agile air superiority fighter like the typhoon.

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Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Ben Bonsall

Re: Every time I see "<3"...

'bae <3

Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.'

Seeing as bae is Danish for shit, seems legit.

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Laser probers sniff more gravitational waves from mega black hole smash

Ben Bonsall

Re: Why LIGO Is a Scam

It is falsifiable

Teleport the sun hundreds of light years away. If the earth immediately continues in a straight line, then gravity is instantaneous action at a distance. If it continues in orbit until the last light reaches earth, then gravity is transmited at the speed of light.

Not an easy experiment, I agree.

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Google asks the public to name the forthcoming Android N operating system

Ben Bonsall

Noddy

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Did Spotify hire Alan Partridge to run its Netflix-style video push?

Ben Bonsall

Former friends of boyband stars Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow get the opportunity to tell them just how they feel about being forgotten the instant the band got famous, in 'Take That You Bastards.'

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Ben Bonsall

An in depth analysis of fashionable underpant brands worn by rappers, in Biggie's Smalls.

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Don't Stop Me Now

The much requested follow-up will be called The Show Must Go On.

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Ben Bonsall

Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen, Jr. deny having ever met Rolf in 'Not You too?'

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Ben Bonsall

Marc Almond and David Ball are locked up together in a insane asylum, in Soft Cell.

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Ben Bonsall

Celebrities go on cycling tours of the holy land in Christ on a bike.

(Maybe I should do some work now.)

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Ben Bonsall

Prince Charles and the former Slade frontman go bargain hunting in Noddy and Big-ears go to Poundland.

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Ben Bonsall

Humphrey Littleton reviews Barry Cryer's favorite one-liners, in Humphrey Littleton's Jest of Baz.

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Ben Bonsall

Ant tells the harrowing story of the rebirth of his career after he found Dec eviscerated in their hotel room, in Ventriloquism is not just for Dummies.

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Ben Bonsall

Celebrating the 76th birthday celebrations of a legendary welsh crooner- Tonight, 76! Tom Jones Has a Big Parade

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Ben Bonsall

Popular rapper Marshal Mathers talks about his favorite sweets and shops, in Eminem on M&Ms and M&S.

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Ben Bonsall

Terry Christian interviews celebrities about the influence of Face magazine on their carreers, in Arse About Face, tonight on Four.

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Ben Bonsall

John Terode and Greg Wallace recreate some of the recipes of the first celebrity chef, in John and Greg's Taste of Fanny

(not music related, but hey ho.)

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Brit polar vessel christened RRS Sir David Attenborough

Ben Bonsall

Re: Fair compromise

Personally I went for RSS Brass Monkey

But a fair comment (admittedly, from the daily mash...)

"People don't realize what a dangerous and lonely job we do. No one wants to die on a ship called Boaty McBoatface."

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RIP Prince: You were the soundtrack of my youth

Ben Bonsall

It will end when Meatloaf becomes the artist formally known as Mince.

Although,

There once was an artist called Prince,

Who on stage would posture and mince,

Then just for a giggle,

Changed his name to a squiggle,

And nobody's heard of him since...

(isihac- rip willy and humph.)

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Russian boffins want to nuke asteroids

Ben Bonsall

Re: A modest proposal

Give us the one called McNeal!

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1,000 cats await stadium-sized sandwich bag launch

Ben Bonsall

Surely everyone's heard of cats?

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Ben Bonsall

Can they change the name? When I see SPB you keep getting my hopes up that you are getting somewhere with the FAA. :(

Although,

Regarding the weight, the SPB plus payload tips the scales at 4,500kg

made me do a double take.

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Truly crap exhibition dumped on Isle of Wight

Ben Bonsall

Re: ".... why do people hang dog poos in trees?"

Fly my pretties!

<thunk><thunk><thunk-thunk>

Back to the drawing board, Smithers.

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Microsoft smells Musk, splashes on 'Mune' space program

Ben Bonsall

Re: Sound of zero hands clapping

Temperature is the average energy per degree of freedom (number of particles multiplied by the number of ways they can move). In a complete vacuum, there are zero particles, and the sum of their energy is zero. Ask your C compiler, and it will tell you 0./0. is not a number.

Photons are particles too... The icy cold of spaaaaace has lots of them, their energy averages out to about 2.7 Kelvin.

If you made a box full of space, to exclude photons from the universe, then the box will be in equilibrium with the surrounding space- it will also radiate photons between its walls with an average energy of about 2.7 kelvin.

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Hands on with the BBC's Micro:Bit computer. You know, for kids

Ben Bonsall

It was a dream compared to the Z80.

Indeed :) Taught myself assembler on a 6502. Thought I was pretty good until I saw the Z80 manual...

Skipped it and went on to a 68000 instead.

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