* Posts by A. Coatsworth

401 posts • joined 29 May 2008

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NASA eggheads draw up blueprints for spotting, surviving asteroid hits

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: UN oversight?

Yeah, the UN will prove once more how useful it is... when the UN Space Protection Council (SPOC?) rules something that a member doesn't like, that member won't be able to simply walk away, because the UN resolutions are so binding and it has so much muscle to make the countries comply.

It is not like it just happened with... with... no, I can't recall a super power leaving a UN organization in the last weeks, with the organization being worse than useless to stop it

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Woman sues NASA for ownership of vial of space dust

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Don't do that!

Moon dust is awfully carcinogen... great for all sorts of mad science, but carcinogen nonetheless... Ask Cave Johnson!

6
1

First A380 flown in anger to be broken up for parts

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

That phrase left me scratching my head. How can a single-decker plane match the capacity of a double decker?

The only options would be doubling its length, which would be extremely funny to see; or doubling the passenger density, which is extremely worrying because it sounds like something the airlines would actually consider!

Thanks for the clarification

8
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Every bloody gadget in the house is ringing. Thanks, EE

A. Coatsworth
FAIL

any internet device with audio in and audio out will work, such as a TV

This is the reason why we can't have nice things...

11
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Yahoo! Kills! The! Messenger!

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Re: Contact me on Oath Squirrel

Interestingly, CIA passed most of the research data to MOSSAD, who went on with the program. They wisely decided to replace squirrels with lizards, which adapt better to the Iran weather.

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Britain's new F-35s arrive in UK as US.gov auditor sounds reliability warning klaxon

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Damn you, sitta_europea, that is too cool!

Have one on me

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A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

You British built some crazy and beautiful (and crazy-beautiful) planes back in the day.

Sadly, I can't recall seeing a Lighting when I had the chance to visit the RAF museum near London, but standing under the shade of a Vulcan was definitely a highlight of my vacations!

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At last: Magic Leap reveals its revolutionary techno-goggles – but wait, there's a catch

A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Re: Theranos

When you can get US$700 million in fools' investors' money, and be valued at 9 BEEELION without producing anything but hot air... well, I damn well understand how people can be so ready to drink their own Kool-Aid.

Not that I justify their actions, but the market of venture capitalist *dying* to shove their money into any hare-brained half-idea they find is just too tempting

10
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Mailshot meltdown as Wessex Water gets sweary about a poor chap called Tom

A. Coatsworth
Coat

Re: Acronym?

It is an acronym, all right:

Tom Wysocki is A T.W.A.T.[1]

[1]Tom Wysocki is A T.W.A.T.[1]

[1][1]Tom Wysocki is A T.W.A.T.[1]

[1][1][1]Tom Wysocki is A T.W.A.T.[1]]

...

...

Where the hell is my exit clause?

(with apologies to mr. Wysocki. I'm sure he's an good bloke)

5
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Uber 'does not exist any more' says Turkish president

A. Coatsworth
Pirate

Re: It's hard to know who to sympathise with...

>>it's more the trying to overcharge and unnecessarily complex and long diversions that I dislike.

THIS is what has allowed Uber et all to thrive, more than the cost of the fare. Taxi drivers all over the world have deservedly got a reputation of being con artist and using every trick imaginable to overcharge the passenger.

As a tourist (I travelled over Europe a few years ago) I was sternly warned to never ever take a cab in Paris or Rome, the reasons being very similar to what's being said about Istanbul drivers up here. But people is more confident that they can call an Uber in these cities and everything will be ok.

In my country licensed taxi drivers have started to clean up their act: cleaner cars, new hailing apps, friendlier drivers. Of course they managed to go over all 5 stages of grief in full force before they accepted the fact that they were at least as guilty of this situation as the less-than-legal Uber antics.

(Please don't think I defend Uber. I don't, the management is despicable and their business model is fundamentally rotten. But I do think they are not the only ones to blame.)

9
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Meet the real spin doctors: Scientists tell H2O to chill out so they can separate isomers

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: That photo ...

You'll find out humans are most definitely needed to come up with the kind of puns used by El Reg. At least until we have IA able to get utterly sh*tfaced (a requisite in order to come up with them)

1
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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

A. Coatsworth

Re: A bit of a tumble

That phrase always reminds me of The IT Crowd, and make me smile. Although that was probably the idea

And now I'm humming the emergency number song...

5
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A. Coatsworth
Alert

Great episode!

I particularly love the "safetyconesUSA[dot]com" ad to the right of this article. Sometimes Google Ads really hits the unintentional comedy motherload.

Although I don't know (and not sure if I *want* to know) what does "Certified Woman Owned for 17 Yrs." mean

10
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Avengers: Infinity War: More Marvel-ous moolah for comic film-erverse, probably

A. Coatsworth

Re: Miserable old git

Yeah, Cinematic Universes will keep coming for the foreseeable future, and train wrecks like Universal's cringe-worthy "Dark Universe" or DC's limping DCU won't deter new copycats from trying to get part of the party.

As for Marvel's MCU itself, I won't mind if the movies keep coming: for the most part they have found that sweet spot where they are damn entertaining while respecting the viewers. They don't try to be super brainy affairs (although they sneak a bit of social commentary here and there, like in Winter Soldier or Black Panther), and won't offend your intelligence a la Transformers either.

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I got 99 secure devices but a Nintendo Switch ain't one: If you're using Nvidia's Tegra boot ROM I feel bad for you, son

A. Coatsworth
Devil

Re: Console EOL = unlock to allow custom firmware?

That's a beautiful sentiment, but won't happen before cats and dogs live together... Nintendo has really weird ideas on piracy, as some other people have commented.

Legal or not, that's what allowed me to bring a Wii back from the dead: I really liked that console and have a big pile of games for it, so when the DVD drive failed after 4 years of use, I replaced it. When it failed *again* after 5 more years I couldn't source a new drive at a decent price so I installed Homebrew and now can play my library of games from an external HDD, as well as running a couple of emulators.

If not for Homebrew, the console would have been tossed into the garbage bin a long time ago and who would have benefitted from that? not me and certainly not Nintendo (as I wouldn't replace it with another Wii)

0
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Seen from spaaaaace: Boffins check world's oceans for plastic

A. Coatsworth
Coat

Re: "...minds might just get focused on solving it."

>> needs to hire a manager. Somebody with some common sense.

So, is it one, or the other??

5
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Your mouse can't reach that Excel cell? Buy a 'desk extender' said help desk bluffer

A. Coatsworth

Re: Is there a 'BFOH' club badge available?

BFOH?

Bastard from Operator's Hell? Are those the poor beancounters under the BOFH's reign of terror?

1
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The Ataribox lives, as a prototype, supposedly

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Problems all around

If they were to reproduce the venerable 2600 and successors, it would be unforgivable to take 8 months to create a prototype of a thoroughly known hardware, barely more powerful than a modern pocket calculator.

On the other hand...

"offer games and more: bringing a full PC experience to the TV, it will also include streaming, applications, social, browsing, and music"

They are muddling the hardware throwing lots of unneeded and unwanted[1] cr*p to it, and that's probably what is weighting them down.

[1] if you are interested in reliving your Atari memories, do you *really* want leaderboards and farcebook integration?

11
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With IoT you too can turn your home into a giant flashing 'HORSE BIRTH NOW' klaxon

A. Coatsworth
Coat

That was Disgusting! REVOLTING!

The amount of brain-dead IoT crap-ware available to people with more money than sense, that is described in the article is utterly nauseating!

I bet that among the shower of wireless receivers, smart home systems, cctv cameras, lights, speakers, and facebook feeds there's not the slightest thought of security, upgradeability or compatibility.

ohhh... you meant the mare's _biological_ processes!

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Another day, another meeting, another £191bn down the pan

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

@I ain't Spartacus

Re: Dilbert

Once upon a time, when I was young and wide-eyed, a local newspaper carried Dilbert along with the usual comic strips on Sundays. I thought it was the most stupid, unfunny strip I had ever read.

Years later I started working for a multinational too, and found Dilbert again. My incontrollable laughter at the strips was actually a desperate cry for help, for I realized I must be dead inside to find it _that_ funny, but nobody understood it.

13
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Star Paws: Attack of the clones

A. Coatsworth
Terminator

Re: @Gordon 10

A catchy name... What about "Re-pet"?

Nothing wrong can come of using that name

4
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Magic Leap's staggering VR goggle technology just got even better!

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Could this be the light on the fuse of the current bubble?

I'd pray to whatever deity is listening for this to be true... but I don't have any hope. Not when Twitter has spent the best part of a decade without turning a single cent in profit and is still valued in the billions. Not when people keep "investing" in the cryptocurrency-of-the-day.

No, this bubble will keep going strong for a few years yet

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You won't believe this: Nokia soars back into phone-flinger top 3

A. Coatsworth
Meh

>>not sure i'd place much love or trust in nokia over any other android purveyor

The best thing I can say about the new "Nokias" is that they work as expected.

I begrudgingly moved to Android last December, after running out of options. My last 3 phones were Nokias, and even the last one (Lumia 625) had its charm, even though it had several annoying quirks.

So, just out of nostalgia, I got a Nokia 6. The promise of timely security updates and no manufacturer bloatware were also important decision points.

The price was decent, it feels solidly built and it has plenty of oomph for a middle of the road phone. But it just so aseptic... it is a black slab of glass indistinguishable from any other Android phone out there. I use it and don't have any regrets about the purchase, but it simply doesn't have a personality, like my beloved E51 and 600, and even the special needs Lumia used to have.

like you, I think the time when one felt an emotional connection to a manufacturer and to a particular handset is long pass, and phones are now just utilities.

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What did we say about Tesla's self-driving tech? SpaceX Roadster skips Mars, steers to asteroids

A. Coatsworth

@Dan 55

I'm quite sure it was fun at HP when Hewlett and Packard were at the helm... you know, before it became yet another faceless corporation...

I guess that when (and if) SpaceX starts answering to shareholders and not to a single (crazy) man, it will also lose the funny bone. In the meantime, at least we can enjoy Musk's shenanigans and see the envelope being pushed at the same time..

23
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Wileyfox goes TITSUP*: Smartmobe maker calls in the administrators

A. Coatsworth

Nokia 5 or 6?

Last security update in my 6 was on January 1st, not too bad I'd say. Metal back, feels solid and works well. Price is very reasonable too.

1
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User had no webcam or mic, complained vid conference didn’t work

A. Coatsworth
Boffin

I _think_ it is a new column.

On Call: we laugh at the users' stupidity

Who, me?: we will laugh at our own.

15
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Heathrow's air traffic radio set for shiny digital upgrade from Northrop

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

Re: FTFY

Don't forget the Flowers By Irene delivery van that will be permanently parked near the place. It comes from an USAsian company, after all.

0
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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

A. Coatsworth

He knows what's good for him

FTFY. Nobody, not even the BOFH wields so much power as a PA with decades in her position.

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Who's that at Ring's door? Why, it's Skybell with a begging cup, er, patent rip-off lawsuit

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Re: Obligatory

Damn right, Lord Elpuss! That's what I thought while reading the review

1
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A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Re: A home Google product? I'll pass thanks.

Look for the review of that NEST product posted by El Reg last December, it is glorious:

It waxes lyrically about how easy to install, good value for money, good looking the thing is. At the very bottom it mentions casually that it is trivially easy to disconnect and the siren is not loud enough to be heard from another room... so it is worthless as a security system. But that isn't really important in this case, is it?

0
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Take notebooks: About those new Thinkpads...

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

Re: Next time, Dell

Who needs a LED indicator for the caps lock key, when they put a black square, some 80 pixels wide, in the bottom right corner of the screen that remains visible THE WHOLE TIME caps is on, obscuring whatever is behind it.

Really can't understand what brain-dead decision making process gave us that.

Oh, and Lenovo has the Fn key in the left corner of the keyboard, where the Ctrl key *should* be. The position of the Fn key is, no kidding, one of the main thing is take into account while looking for laptops.

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Funnily enough, no, IT admins who trash biz machines can't claim they had permission

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: If it had been the 9th circus court...

>I think bringing this up here probably explains everything we've ever wondered about Bob.

Close but not CIGAR. It still FAILS to account for the RANDOM failures with HIS caps lock key

10
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Erase 2017 from your brain. Face ID never happened. The Notch is an illusion

A. Coatsworth
Childcatcher

Re: Why the sudden bezelphobia?

IMHO, the answer is simple: the phone makers got themselves into a corner. They sold the idea that their newest and greatest flagships would have, every year, some great never-seen-before, mind blowing, life changing innovation. And for some time there were some honestly interesting innovations.

The problem is, they ran out of gizmos and gimmicks to throw at their phones so they are now doing things that look like innovation and can be sold as such to the masses, but aren't (look! our new phone is 0.1 Angstroms slimmer then the previous one! - look! the new screen is ever so slightly bigger!)

If actually useful thinks like a 3.5 jack or a fingerprint sensor get in the way of baffling the customers with bullsh#t that's too bad... but the marketing droids will solve it.

(I really need a "get off my lawn" icon! perhaps Clint Eastwood posing with his M1)

14
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Don't rely on us to protect the open internet, warns FTC Commissioner

A. Coatsworth

Wow! This is as close as we'll ever get to having a government official stating what we already know: that Pai is full of sh#t.

I'm guessing ms McSweeny is a leftover of a bygone era...

5
0

As the singularity approaches, neural network pens black metal album

A. Coatsworth

Re: Thought I'd heard this somewhere before.

The intro has a certain flavor of the infamous "backwards radio station"... or as you correctly put it, rogered bagpipes (filtered through Silent Hill's Nowhere)...

4
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Night before Xmas and all through American Airlines, not a pilot was flying, thanks to this bug

A. Coatsworth
Holmes

Re: the pic

He is red and gives things for free to people who doesn't even work. Af course Santa is part of the Commie plot!

2
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Drone maker DJI left its private SSL, firmware keys open to world+dog on GitHub FOR YEARS

A. Coatsworth

Don't be so hard with them, they were just trying to ramp up interest in their company!

(obligatory)

xkcd.com/1553

0
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OnePlus 5 x T + five short months = Some p*ssed off fanboys

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Well, those 2 last paragraphs are more than enough review of the phone and the company's policies... OnePlus is off my list of candidates now... I guess the zombie Nokias are looking more and more appealing every day

0
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The Reg parts ways with imagineer and thought pathfinder Steve Bong

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

The barrage of Fake News we are subject to every day has dulled my capacity of differentiating fact from fiction.... I don't know what to make of this article... are we losing Bong's articles for real? is it part of the normal column's humor?

Poe's law has overwhelmed me

11
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BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

A. Coatsworth
Happy

The BOFH didn't need to get his hands dirty this time.

Why breaking the Boss' skull when you can break his spirit? I can imagine his face when he heard the shredded revving up: a carefully planned day lost, the feeling of having for once bested the BOFH gone down the drain in a second. There's nothing for him but the feeling of failure, and no doubt the sh*t-eating grin of both the BOFH and the PFY making him feel even more miserable the rest of the day.

15
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OnePlus privacy shock: So, the cool Chinese smartphones slurp an alarming amount of data

A. Coatsworth

And I'm still here...

... waiting for El Reg to review the new Android "Nokias" before I give up and plunge into the Android ecosystem.

Is stock Android more or less slurpy than a vendor-backed version?

2
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Is that a bulge in your pocket or... do you have an iPhone 8+? Apple's batteries look swell

A. Coatsworth

Re: Obligatory

How someone with a silver goddamned badge asks this site to "grow up"? haven't you been around the place long enough to see the authors here won't ever grow up, and that is the whole joke?

--EDIT--

Just read the "smug" comment by the same commentard a bit down the line.. it seems some people can't handle hearing blasphemous accusations against the Holy iShnny and no amount of badges can change that.

39
6

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

Re: Why

+1 to that question.

The ending really left me scratching my head. I expected the office drones revolting and throwing the robot out the window, or it falling while hugging the Director... but not the PFY killing it himself.

7
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I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

A. Coatsworth
Boffin

>>was clocked about three hours ago, and may have been there even longer.

I think it's time to call your doctor about that.

4
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Scary news: Asteroid may pass Earth by just 6,880km in October

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Nibiru will appear in

2000

May 2003

December 2012

September 2017

Fashionably late, is she?

4
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Sysadmin jeered in staff cafeteria as he climbed ladder to fix PC

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: So ...

>>El Reg's resident bastion of truth, restraint and modesty BOFH.

Usually Simon's stories are more believable than jake's

15
0

Linus Torvalds may have damned systemd with faint praise

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

Nope.

God is the proper name of the Judeo-Christian deity, so the name is capitalized, as Symon said. Not unlike the distinction done while talking about the Moon or Saturn's moons...

Also, all 3000+ deities out there are entitled to capital letters in their names, as do Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Their existential status has nothing to do with the rules on proper nouns.

7
1

Tremble in fear, America, as Daesh-bags scrawl cyber-graffiti on .gov webpages no one visits

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Concern, if not panic, is warranted

Yeah, and banks should be designed so the can't be robbed. Period. Ever.

And locks should be designed so the can't be picked. Period. Ever.

And cars should be designed so the can't be stolen. Period. Ever.

And... And...

It sounds lovely, but there is not way to protect everything from a *very* determined idiot.

0
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Voyager 1 passes another milestone: It's now 138AU from home

A. Coatsworth

Re: Has it left the solar system....

Obligatory xkcd

https://www.xkcd.com/1189/

1
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Marissa! Mayer! out! as! Yahoo!-Verizon! closes!

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

From the Merriam Webster's

"oath

noun |\ˈōth\

an offensive or rude word that is used to express anger, frustration, surprise, etc."

That pretty much sums up what happens through my mind when I'm browsing the web and I'm unfortunate enough to find a link that takes me to a tumblr, yahoo or huffpost site... So, I think the name for new division is perfectly adequate.

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