* Posts by A. Coatsworth

380 posts • joined 29 May 2008

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Magic Leap's staggering VR goggle technology just got even better!

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Could this be the light on the fuse of the current bubble?

I'd pray to whatever deity is listening for this to be true... but I don't have any hope. Not when Twitter has spent the best part of a decade without turning a single cent in profit and is still valued in the billions. Not when people keep "investing" in the cryptocurrency-of-the-day.

No, this bubble will keep going strong for a few years yet

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You won't believe this: Nokia soars back into phone-flinger top 3

A. Coatsworth
Meh

>>not sure i'd place much love or trust in nokia over any other android purveyor

The best thing I can say about the new "Nokias" is that they work as expected.

I begrudgingly moved to Android last December, after running out of options. My last 3 phones were Nokias, and even the last one (Lumia 625) had its charm, even though it had several annoying quirks.

So, just out of nostalgia, I got a Nokia 6. The promise of timely security updates and no manufacturer bloatware were also important decision points.

The price was decent, it feels solidly built and it has plenty of oomph for a middle of the road phone. But it just so aseptic... it is a black slab of glass indistinguishable from any other Android phone out there. I use it and don't have any regrets about the purchase, but it simply doesn't have a personality, like my beloved E51 and 600, and even the special needs Lumia used to have.

like you, I think the time when one felt an emotional connection to a manufacturer and to a particular handset is long pass, and phones are now just utilities.

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What did we say about Tesla's self-driving tech? SpaceX Roadster skips Mars, steers to asteroids

A. Coatsworth

@Dan 55

I'm quite sure it was fun at HP when Hewlett and Packard were at the helm... you know, before it became yet another faceless corporation...

I guess that when (and if) SpaceX starts answering to shareholders and not to a single (crazy) man, it will also lose the funny bone. In the meantime, at least we can enjoy Musk's shenanigans and see the envelope being pushed at the same time..

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Wileyfox goes TITSUP*: Smartmobe maker calls in the administrators

A. Coatsworth

Nokia 5 or 6?

Last security update in my 6 was on January 1st, not too bad I'd say. Metal back, feels solid and works well. Price is very reasonable too.

1
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User had no webcam or mic, complained vid conference didn’t work

A. Coatsworth
Boffin

I _think_ it is a new column.

On Call: we laugh at the users' stupidity

Who, me?: we will laugh at our own.

15
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Heathrow's air traffic radio set for shiny digital upgrade from Northrop

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

Re: FTFY

Don't forget the Flowers By Irene delivery van that will be permanently parked near the place. It comes from an USAsian company, after all.

0
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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

A. Coatsworth

He knows what's good for him

FTFY. Nobody, not even the BOFH wields so much power as a PA with decades in her position.

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Who's that at Ring's door? Why, it's Skybell with a begging cup, er, patent rip-off lawsuit

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Re: Obligatory

Damn right, Lord Elpuss! That's what I thought while reading the review

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A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Re: A home Google product? I'll pass thanks.

Look for the review of that NEST product posted by El Reg last December, it is glorious:

It waxes lyrically about how easy to install, good value for money, good looking the thing is. At the very bottom it mentions casually that it is trivially easy to disconnect and the siren is not loud enough to be heard from another room... so it is worthless as a security system. But that isn't really important in this case, is it?

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Take notebooks: About those new Thinkpads...

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

Re: Next time, Dell

Who needs a LED indicator for the caps lock key, when they put a black square, some 80 pixels wide, in the bottom right corner of the screen that remains visible THE WHOLE TIME caps is on, obscuring whatever is behind it.

Really can't understand what brain-dead decision making process gave us that.

Oh, and Lenovo has the Fn key in the left corner of the keyboard, where the Ctrl key *should* be. The position of the Fn key is, no kidding, one of the main thing is take into account while looking for laptops.

15
1

Funnily enough, no, IT admins who trash biz machines can't claim they had permission

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: If it had been the 9th circus court...

>I think bringing this up here probably explains everything we've ever wondered about Bob.

Close but not CIGAR. It still FAILS to account for the RANDOM failures with HIS caps lock key

10
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Erase 2017 from your brain. Face ID never happened. The Notch is an illusion

A. Coatsworth
Childcatcher

Re: Why the sudden bezelphobia?

IMHO, the answer is simple: the phone makers got themselves into a corner. They sold the idea that their newest and greatest flagships would have, every year, some great never-seen-before, mind blowing, life changing innovation. And for some time there were some honestly interesting innovations.

The problem is, they ran out of gizmos and gimmicks to throw at their phones so they are now doing things that look like innovation and can be sold as such to the masses, but aren't (look! our new phone is 0.1 Angstroms slimmer then the previous one! - look! the new screen is ever so slightly bigger!)

If actually useful thinks like a 3.5 jack or a fingerprint sensor get in the way of baffling the customers with bullsh#t that's too bad... but the marketing droids will solve it.

(I really need a "get off my lawn" icon! perhaps Clint Eastwood posing with his M1)

14
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Don't rely on us to protect the open internet, warns FTC Commissioner

A. Coatsworth

Wow! This is as close as we'll ever get to having a government official stating what we already know: that Pai is full of sh#t.

I'm guessing ms McSweeny is a leftover of a bygone era...

5
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As the singularity approaches, neural network pens black metal album

A. Coatsworth

Re: Thought I'd heard this somewhere before.

The intro has a certain flavor of the infamous "backwards radio station"... or as you correctly put it, rogered bagpipes (filtered through Silent Hill's Nowhere)...

4
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Night before Xmas and all through American Airlines, not a pilot was flying, thanks to this bug

A. Coatsworth
Holmes

Re: the pic

He is red and gives things for free to people who doesn't even work. Af course Santa is part of the Commie plot!

2
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Drone maker DJI left its private SSL, firmware keys open to world+dog on GitHub FOR YEARS

A. Coatsworth

Don't be so hard with them, they were just trying to ramp up interest in their company!

(obligatory)

xkcd.com/1553

0
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OnePlus 5 x T + five short months = Some p*ssed off fanboys

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Well, those 2 last paragraphs are more than enough review of the phone and the company's policies... OnePlus is off my list of candidates now... I guess the zombie Nokias are looking more and more appealing every day

0
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The Reg parts ways with imagineer and thought pathfinder Steve Bong

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

The barrage of Fake News we are subject to every day has dulled my capacity of differentiating fact from fiction.... I don't know what to make of this article... are we losing Bong's articles for real? is it part of the normal column's humor?

Poe's law has overwhelmed me

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BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

A. Coatsworth
Happy

The BOFH didn't need to get his hands dirty this time.

Why breaking the Boss' skull when you can break his spirit? I can imagine his face when he heard the shredded revving up: a carefully planned day lost, the feeling of having for once bested the BOFH gone down the drain in a second. There's nothing for him but the feeling of failure, and no doubt the sh*t-eating grin of both the BOFH and the PFY making him feel even more miserable the rest of the day.

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OnePlus privacy shock: So, the cool Chinese smartphones slurp an alarming amount of data

A. Coatsworth

And I'm still here...

... waiting for El Reg to review the new Android "Nokias" before I give up and plunge into the Android ecosystem.

Is stock Android more or less slurpy than a vendor-backed version?

1
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Is that a bulge in your pocket or... do you have an iPhone 8+? Apple's batteries look swell

A. Coatsworth

Re: Obligatory

How someone with a silver goddamned badge asks this site to "grow up"? haven't you been around the place long enough to see the authors here won't ever grow up, and that is the whole joke?

--EDIT--

Just read the "smug" comment by the same commentard a bit down the line.. it seems some people can't handle hearing blasphemous accusations against the Holy iShnny and no amount of badges can change that.

39
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BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

Re: Why

+1 to that question.

The ending really left me scratching my head. I expected the office drones revolting and throwing the robot out the window, or it falling while hugging the Director... but not the PFY killing it himself.

7
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I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

A. Coatsworth
Boffin

>>was clocked about three hours ago, and may have been there even longer.

I think it's time to call your doctor about that.

3
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Scary news: Asteroid may pass Earth by just 6,880km in October

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Nibiru will appear in

2000

May 2003

December 2012

September 2017

Fashionably late, is she?

4
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Sysadmin jeered in staff cafeteria as he climbed ladder to fix PC

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: So ...

>>El Reg's resident bastion of truth, restraint and modesty BOFH.

Usually Simon's stories are more believable than jake's

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Linus Torvalds may have damned systemd with faint praise

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

Nope.

God is the proper name of the Judeo-Christian deity, so the name is capitalized, as Symon said. Not unlike the distinction done while talking about the Moon or Saturn's moons...

Also, all 3000+ deities out there are entitled to capital letters in their names, as do Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Their existential status has nothing to do with the rules on proper nouns.

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Tremble in fear, America, as Daesh-bags scrawl cyber-graffiti on .gov webpages no one visits

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Concern, if not panic, is warranted

Yeah, and banks should be designed so the can't be robbed. Period. Ever.

And locks should be designed so the can't be picked. Period. Ever.

And cars should be designed so the can't be stolen. Period. Ever.

And... And...

It sounds lovely, but there is not way to protect everything from a *very* determined idiot.

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Voyager 1 passes another milestone: It's now 138AU from home

A. Coatsworth

Re: Has it left the solar system....

Obligatory xkcd

https://www.xkcd.com/1189/

1
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Marissa! Mayer! out! as! Yahoo!-Verizon! closes!

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

From the Merriam Webster's

"oath

noun |\ˈōth\

an offensive or rude word that is used to express anger, frustration, surprise, etc."

That pretty much sums up what happens through my mind when I'm browsing the web and I'm unfortunate enough to find a link that takes me to a tumblr, yahoo or huffpost site... So, I think the name for new division is perfectly adequate.

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Live blog: Fired FBI boss spills the beans to US Senate committee

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

Honest question

Since the start of the scandal, the existence of the memos has been treated as evidence against Trump... far be from be the thought of siding with the Orange One, but: why are the memos considered undisputed truth a priori? I mean are they official documents to any extent?

Judging from my (very limited) understanding about the scandal, they sound like little more than a diary entry, so I'm genuinely curious as to why are they seen as hard proof.

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Whoops! Microsoft accidentally lets out a mobile-'bricking' OS update

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Joke's on you!

I can't "upgrade" my phone from WinPho 8.1

2
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Google to give 6 months' warning for 2018 Chrome adblockalypse – report

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

I would actually consider to pay a reasonable amount to El Reg if that means I stop SEEING THE GODDAMMED LADY SHAVING HER MOUSTACHE IN THE NAME OF GOD I HATE THAT AD WITH A PASSION AND I WILL NEVER EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM TINTRI EVER

</Rant>

whew! that was cathartic. As many people, I am stuck with a browser without adblockers due to company policies: I just can't install add ons, paying for an ad-free experience sounds very tempting in this particular case

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1

El Reg straps on the Huawei Watch 2

A. Coatsworth

" I even grudgingly began to see the point of the bezel"

Which was...?

After dissing the bezel and strap so hard, I thought some redeeming factors would be included following that phrase. I guess I missed them

2
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Redmond puts wall around Windows 10 for Chinese government edition

A. Coatsworth

The only real change is who is listening (or Hu is listening?)

4
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Fancy a relaxed boozy holiday? Keep well away from Great Britain

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

Re: Easier to get guns in some states then Scotch.

No, no, you got it wrong: he is saying that, if you get the Scotch first, it may be harder to fill up the paperwork to get the guns later.

0
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Fake ruse: USA Today calls the FBI after half of its 15m Facebook Likes turn out to be bogus

A. Coatsworth
Holmes

@Ledswinger

No power on Earth would make me watch Facebook's movie, but even I got that it was a reference to its poster

1
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BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

A. Coatsworth
Happy

One master... and one apprentice

So the BOFH-ness doesn't work on the same principle as the Sith Lords? Neat!

Instead, if James makes it to his job interview, he will be appointed junior BOFH at a new company, where, with time he will select a PFY and with time create new BOFHs to conquer other enterprises.

So the shadow league of the BOFHs slowly but surely creeps in the underbelly of the IT community, taking it over for the greater good (of themselves)

14
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Jimbo announces Team Wikipedia: 'Global News Police'

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: Anything with r-types running/advising it is a potential hazard.

Yeah, I hate r-types too. Bloody chavs who drag race their tuned Honda Civics in the streets late at night when I am try to sleep.

E-type kind of sounds like a Jaguar, but K-type? any help there?

1
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MEYER! SUES! YAHOO!

A. Coatsworth
Happy

click bait well done

To put it in internet slang, "I LOL'd" at the pic's caption.

9
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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

You know how in movies they can get with graphically killing hundreds of persons, but hurting a dog is a very delicate matter that usually they can't even show it?

It seems to be the same here... I never minded the line of dispatched bosses, the contractors, the it managers that ended up rolled in a carpet... but I *genuinely* felt bad for poor ol' James while reading this.

Perhaps it hit too close to home, reminding me of the bygone days where I went starry-eyed into my first job, ready to fix the world.

To paraphrase Iron Maiden, I'm sure James is now a sad and wiser man

4
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Trump's America looks like a lousy launchpad, so can you dig Darwin?

A. Coatsworth

Re: Why not Equador

I think Ecuador, and other "sane" Latin American countries near the equator (Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia...) are not such good options, being way too active geologically. Not sure what a 6+ earthquake, or a shower of volcanic ash can do to a rocket, but it can't be good.

1
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Spammy Google Home spouts audio ads without warning – now throw yours in the trash

A. Coatsworth
Gimp

Re: A company

>>If it's Google, you are the product.

And you're paying them $129 for the privilege.

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Repentant priest from Cuntis sorry he dressed as Hugh Hefner

A. Coatsworth
Go

And the weirdness of the actual note is *nothing* compared to the commentards throwing limericks about it. Absolutely fabulantastic!

(never was a description as appropriate as the tooltip of this icon) ---->

4
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The future of storage is ATOMIC: IBM boffins stash 1 bit on 1 atom

A. Coatsworth
Joke

"... read by tunnel magnetoresistance, measuring a current passing through the atom using the quantum mechanical spin resonance effect with a single iron atom used as a sensor"

Yeeeah... I know Scotty used that explanation at some point or other. It didn't sound believable back then, either.

15
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Kaspersky launches a range of perfumes to, er, defend your odour

A. Coatsworth

"Phish" what a great name for a perfume...

Feel confident every day, smelling of Phish in the office! Let your Phishy musk lead others to you!

7
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Iconic Land Rover Defender may make a comeback by 2019

A. Coatsworth
Stop

"JLR would design the new Defender"

Are they go to employ the same fsckwits who disgraced the Discovery and Range Rover lines by making them look like the aberration that is the Evoke?

If so, it would be better to leave the Defender go in peace to tread mud in the Darién Gap of our memories, instead of defacing its legacy.

18
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It's time for our annual checkup on the circus that is the Internet Governance Forum

A. Coatsworth
Flame

Circus?

I think the proper term you're looking for starts with "cluster" and rhymes with "duck"

I can't spell it here thanks to my computer's naughty-filters

0
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YouTube TV will be huge. Apple must respond

A. Coatsworth

So, where is the huge [1] benefit of this? They have the same tired old channels one can get anywhere, unlimited storage (yeah right! we all know what "unlimited" means for cloud providers), and...?

No killer app at all... If I am already forking cash for Netflix or cable, or both, I see no reason to switch to them. Pretending that they'll be able to capitalize the vast number of freeloaders they have is disingenuous, the same article mentions Youtube Red as a failed example.

This sound like yet another "brilliant" Google's idea that will be silently killed a few years down the line.

[1] that damned adjective is tainted. I can't read it without hearing the Orange One screaming "YUUUUUUGE!" in my head

4
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Fireball in Tasmania: Possible CubeSat re-entry sparks alien panic

A. Coatsworth
Alien

So "cubesats" is the new "weather balloons"? They are testing if the new excuse is believable in remote regions, before deploying it for the masses. Expect to see this explanation more and more in the future!

*Cue X-Files theme*

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Polls? How very 2016. Now Google Street View AI scanner can predict how people will vote

A. Coatsworth

Re: Fundamental misunderstanding

Will it really go out of date?

The current data was used to build the algorithm, but if the demographics change in the future, well, that's why the machine is learning patterns and not addresses, right?

I mean, if in the future it sees a cluster of beaten-up pickups it will guess Republican, even if the image comes from Silicon Valley.

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