Re: airport security
Years ago I was subjected to the hideously inconsistent security of Aintree Racecourse at the Grand National. I had paid for on-site parking and entry to the Tattersall's ring, though not unfortunately for a seat in a grandstand (Aintree are scalpers; everything they can make you pay for, you do). Knowing that the security would be paranoid, I had removed anything dubious or sharp from my person and from the car, or so I thought.
First contact with security was in the car park. Unsurprisingly they wanted to search the car. Look under bonnet: OK. Mirror under body: OK. Root round inside car: OK. Search boot and oh my goodness, clear evidence of terrorism, criminal tendencies, intent to detonate nuclear weapons and anything else they could think of!
They had found one shot 10M air rifle target.
Cue car being re-searched, and a grilling for me: "Where's the rifle?"
"At home, in a locked firearms cabinet fifty miles away."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, the rifle is about five feet long, shiny black and silver, really bloody noticeable and NOT IN THE CAR. Would you perchance like to have another look round with the mirror onna stick?"
With much chuntering and bad grace I was then permitted to park up and enter the racecourse, although they did keep the target card.
As soon as I got to the main gate, more security. Knowing of old what Aintree is like in early spring, I was dressed for the occasion in winter woolies and my biggest, most insulating overcoat. Security take one look at me and my mother, and wave us straight past the metal detection arch and so on, and go back to meticulously searching twerps in off-the-peg suits and women in summer dresses (who would then go on to quaff anything alcoholic in an attempt to keep warm).