* Posts by Khaptain

3137 posts • joined 4 May 2008

Plods waste millions keeping their arses covered and ears open

Khaptain
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Cost cutting solution

Why can't we supply them with all the excess,used or last years pantomime outfits... It might not make them look very "authoritarian" but at least it would make for some interesting arrest scenarios..

Captain Hook successfully apprehends Woolworths shoplifter.

Barnaby the Clown arrests yet another drunken football yob.

Big Bird has been on a MacDonalds stake out for the least three weeks..

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Hats off to Nintendo’s platform supremo Super Mario Bros at 30

Khaptain
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Mythical but not for all

I used to enjoy watching other people play, especially in the later rounds, but personally, I never got the bug.. The one thing that Mario never had, at least in my opinion, was a sense of adventure..

To be perfectly honest I never understood the attraction to platform games, although I did complete Manic Miner (which was more of a puzzle game than a thumb basher)....

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Hi. Ofcom? My mobe's call quality is crap – but you said it was fine

Khaptain
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Sponsorship - The keyword

"Regulator Ofcom is to use an independent lab to test and rate phones for how well they actually make calls"

It just so happens that this years "independant" lab will be sponsored by Apple, next year by Samsung, then a comglomerate of both...

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HP and Dell flogging Surface Pro direct? No issues THERE. NONE AT ALL

Khaptain
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Nutty Nadella

"We want to move people from needing, to choosing, to loving Windows and so do our partners,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella"

He does realise that Microsft sells operating systems and not girlfriends or children ?

"Loving" an operating system just sounds weird.

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Et voilà: Violated Versailles vagina might stay violated

Khaptain
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Re: Er, why are we following this?

Because reading yet another article about which CEO farted in the last 3 seconds has become extremely mundane.

Never forget that a lot of people here were brought up on Saunders (Finbar) and Spectrums...

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Khaptain
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Yes, leave the graffitti

The graffiti is more interesting than the work itself, it says a lot more than what the metallic muff does.

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Files on Seagate wireless disks can be poisoned, purloined – thanks to hidden login

Khaptain
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Re: That picture

"I'm nearly there with having the Chief Information Security officer's approval too"

You mean that the CSO has agreed to take the disks ?

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Voluminous Versailles vagina viciously violated – again

Khaptain
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Re: "everything will be done to identify the authors" ?

Hollande didn't really say very much

"Le président François Hollande «dénonce fermement» la dégradation de l’oeuvre qui a été «couverte d’inscriptions haineuses et antisémites», a indiqué l’Elysée dans un communiqué."

It was Fleur Pellerin ( Minister of Culture) that was present...

Here is the article from liberation.fr, the comments from the usual ministers amount to not much more than the typical diatribe using any all of the following words "shock, horror, injustice, antisemitism, scandal", none of it appears to be even remotely sincere..

"http://www.liberation.fr/societe/2015/09/06/la-grande-sculpture-d-anish-kapoor-presentee-a-versailles-a-nouveau-vandalisee_1376793"

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Khaptain
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Holy Vandalised Vaginas batman, it looks like we will have to penetrate deep into the depths of this labiarinth and try to find the magic button that will unleash this caverns secret source of energy.

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Want your kids to learn coding? Train the darn teachers first

Khaptain
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Teaching the teachers

Knowledge : Almost anyone can be taught the basics of coding which they in turn could teach to someone else. Ok let's not begin with a course on Polymorphic Abstraction within the Network layer of a IOT toaster...

Confidence : Now this becomes a lot more delicate, how do you become confident about teaching something that half the kids don't want to know about and the other half already have more knowledge and experience than you do....

£4.5m sounds like very little money to even begin scratching the surface ( No, not the MS Surface). Once you remove the backhanders/the kickbacks/the waste and the overtime, the remaining $1.60 would probably be better spent changing the kids home page to point to the "The Register"... They won't learn much but at least they could have a laugh before heading of down to the pub, the one that runs of the BOFH's UPS ....

It's Friday and I am thirsty, lets hope the Guinness cooler is on that damned UPS too.

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Khaptain
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All it takes is a little bit of Catalonian Police Weed and then all I want to do is stare......

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Spaniard trousers €60,000 bank error, proceeds directly to jail

Khaptain
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Re: Not worth it

@I aint Sparticus

I would hazard a guess that you have read some Nassim Taleb.

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Khaptain
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Re: Not worth it

"Unfortunately most countries have about a $10 thousand dollar cash or transaction limit at which point the bank is legally obliged to make a report"

That's why you need a Swiss/Bahamas/Offshore banker in the equation, they know how to deal with these "minor" issues....

There are many ways of making money disappear without the skilled and deft handiwork of Penn & Teller.

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Feeling sweary? Don't tell Google Docs

Khaptain
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Re: American swearing

@Runcible

"I think you are looking for 'Anus' :)"

I was thinking about "arse", as follow

* He fell on his arse after tripping on the kerb whilst walking backwards - Nothing naughty here..

* The arsehole fell down after tripping on the kerb whilst walking backwards - A lot less polite (debatable)

* The fucking arsehole - Defiantely the rude variant..( Nothing to debate here)

Just for the records, I never go looking for Anus, lol.

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Khaptain
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Re: in a bit of a hole

It would be interesting to learn how they set the standards as to what constitutes a naughty word and what is acceptable.

For example : List of Acceptable / naughty but debatable words

Arse / Arsehole

Masturbator / Wanker

Vagina / Muff

Dick / Dick ( Dick is a name after all)

Sperm / Jizz( Jizm) and derivatives

Erection / Hardon (Boner) and derivatives

Pearl necklace / Pearl necklace

After we have added some words to the list I can only presume that the list will grow longer as people become accustomed to using alternative words. Fuck might get replaced by Feck ( as the Irish already do), will we then begin adding those words too ?

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Websites aimed at kids are slurping too much info, finds report

Khaptain
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Re: Shared personal information

I didn't quite mean in it that sense but I see your point.

I was thinking more along the lines that your privacy was intact up until the point where your data ( private identity , email address etc) was "sold" on to third parties. Up until then your private life was not invaded by spam etc.

Your right to privacy, ie not receiving unwanted email, not being on a CallCenter script, not receiving unwanted commercial calls etc has thereafter been violated, your "privacy" has been "stolen" from you..

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Khaptain
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Re: Shared personal information

Can it not be argued that it is "identity" theft.

The data is merely the transport agent, so yes I would agree that we cannot justify data theft.

But your "privacy" has been stolen and you are/will be deprived and it certainly cannot be easily restored once thrown out into the hands of the scrupulous..

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Khaptain
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Shared personal information

"Of those, it found that 67 per cent of sites and apps collected children’s personal information. Half of the total number shared personal information with third parties."

Why is this not considered as theft ?

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Stench of confiscated dope overwhelms Catalan cop shop

Khaptain
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Up in smoke

This should belong in a Cheech and Chong movie, or a fat Freddie cat comic, hilarious....

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French hacker besmuts road sign right under Les Plods' noses

Khaptain
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Power loves the smell of pussy and pussy loves the smell of power.

Crude, but probably very close to reality....

I lived in Strasbourg for a few years and was in the parliament on several occasions.. Most of the EuroMPs that I met there were a bunch of boring buggers that would undoubetely require large quantities of Cialis and alcohol to get into the "swing" of things...

It never ceases to amaze me why people in power, or who believe that they are in power, are often addicted to meaningless pursuits.... Why the eternal need to have one's ego rubbed ( amongst other things)?

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Khaptain
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Re: Unimpressive French swearing.

There are far worse things that can be said in French but he remained in keep with the context..

The idea wasn't to shock but moreover to protest about how lightly DSK got off. One law for them, one law for us...

In England London someone would have repeated the same gest/idea but would have turned up in Trafalgar square with a crumpled tshirt saying ...David is bland.... Now that really would have been naughty wouldn't it.

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Self-driving cars? Boring. We want self driving, lizard dodging golf carts

Khaptain
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Re: GAU-8 and a Golf Course??

"Of course, the talk of making self driving golf cards begs the question: Why not just put in a set of rails on the path, and then have a railed golf cart to zoom around. Probably less costly."

Because the lardy assed, high handicapped golfers can't hit the ball worth shit and they spend post of their time driving all over the golf course looking for their balls, usually far from the normal paths...this would require a complete inter-city, intra-urban, intra-forest, submersible set of highly connected rails....

I admit that it is very comfortable to have a golf cart but it stops one from improving. It gets tiring walking all over the golf course looking for badly hit balls and this is usually enough to push your desire to improve, take more lessons or alternatively give up golf completely....

Now if someone stood behind you with a GAU-8, you might actually take a bit more time with that swing.. Teeing off would then become a fun sport to watch.

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Khaptain
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Re: Armory

That made by day, well worth the read, when I a m at the firing range this weekend I will definitely have a little think and a little chat with my "large calibre firing friends". It would be fun to watch them shooting whilst wearing roller skates.

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Khaptain
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Re: Armory

Your right, I read an article recently where the pilots mentioned that the whole plane shook and vibrated when they unleashed the "wrath" from these guns... Absolutely amazing to see the videos and the pure "destruction" that these guns cause/caused..

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Khaptain
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Armory

All that is required is one of the those #cough# soon to be decommissioned #cough# 30mm Gatling guns from an A10 Warthog and no damned lizard is gonna stand in your way.

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Croc country cops' mobile facial matching a festival party pop

Khaptain
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Re: "greatly enhance intelligence and surveillance operations"

If you are not already a criminal they won't let you in...

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Khaptain
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Carefull now

If they take those damned cameras into parliament won't they have actually have a problem finding people who are not criminals...

Side note : Start investing in your local Plastic surgery clinics as it would be logical to presume that the clever criminals will always stay one step in advance..

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Ashley Madison: ‘Our site is full of women, and members are growing’

Khaptain
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Re: I can believe it

"Nom de keys - after all, who uses a pen any more?"

Clunk, I have just understood what was meant by "Keys".....

Anyway it would therefore be "nom de touches". (Un clavier a des touches et non pas de clefs)..

---->>>> The facepalm is for me not having understood "keys" in the OP.

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Khaptain
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Re: I can believe it

Try getting a new passport without using a pen !

It's an example because I am currently in the process.. ,you still have to actually sign your name, with a real pen, without writing outside the little box... You can't use a "Nom de Plume" though....

or buy a house, or take a credit ,or a million other things outside of using Facebook and Twitter.....

Unfortunately the Yoof of today appear to be allergic to actually taking the time to write, whereas it can actually be a pleasure.. it also forces one to think before one reacts..

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Khaptain
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Headmaster

Re: I can believe it

"nom de keys of George Clooney"

Nom de plume, Shirley.

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Khaptain
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Re: I can believe it

Did you ever actually meet them in the flesh ? Were they in your own region and was that region a major capital... ( I presume that you don't live out in the sticks).

The reason I ask is because I presume that some of the women on AM will actually be prostitutes/escorts who simply use AM et al as online meeting spots. ( I am not, nor ever have been a member of such sites so this it purely conjecture on my behalf).

UV for being frank.. ( just don't tell Frank)

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Khaptain
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Coffee/keyboard

Did you write for Playboy at some time in your life ?

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Khaptain
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Re: "members are growing"

The members are growing because someone forgot to turn off the airpump....

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Falcon 9 fireworks display grounds SpaceX

Khaptain
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Debug Question ?

How do they manage to analyse Rocket failures?

I always imagine that if they do actually manage to find the pieces, that many of them will be almost unrecognizable, they must then be pieced back together and then hopefully they can start to debug the causes.

Or are there alternative methods which they can use ? Sometimes it appears as though they find the reasons PDQ...

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Drum roll, please .... Results are in for the collective noun for security vulns

Khaptain
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Re: Most fitting...

I must be having a slow morning, I did not see the original article and must admit to having no clue as to why "hatstand" was chosen, am I missing something completely obvious ?

If there was a "Clueless" icon I would be using it for myself.

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New low for humanity: ONE BEELLION lost souls log on to Facebook in one day

Khaptain
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Re: We've been expecting you Mr. Zuckerberg

I think the 'M' stands for "merde", because that's what the people will be in when they start using this kind of "funtionality".....

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Khaptain
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Re: Not on Facebook and proud

"Personally, I get loads of useful and interesting content from it from a tech professional's perspective as well as the social stuff but YMMV"

I think the rest of internet already has a lot more available to offer technichally minded people than Facebook does.... and I would be very wary of a "techie" that chooses FB as his tech support platform.

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Khaptain
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Re: Internet of Transactions?

Do dildo's actually exist for dogs, isn't that why they have tongues...

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Apple will reveal new iPhone on Sept 9 – this is what it may look like

Khaptain
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Devil

Why bother

Unless one of the major manufacturers comes out with some kind of holographic, infinitely powered device, pictures of telephone and/or their enclosures should simply be thrown in the bin.

What's next : Apple managed to shave 0.001g of the weight, Samsung realese a new case with a logo made of aluminium manganese titanium alloy inserts .....ya gets the picture...

I actually thought I was going to see something that looked different from the last 6 generations.....wrong

Please stop this kind of drivel filled, utter nonsensical kind of article.... ( Samsung are just as bad)

Icon = the Spawn of the Devil called "Marketing"

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More deaths linked to Ashley Madison hack as scammers move in

Khaptain
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Re: RE. Insane

"Belief should be an individual right"

It is an individual right but the society that that indivudal lives in, and profits from, has collective ideals, that's what make the society powerfull, it behaves as one very large entitiy, with all the up and downs that that entails . If everyone behaved according to their individual idealogies we'd end up in an Anarchy, law breaks down, public disruption and eventually all that will come from it is fuedilism....which is basically just small "societies" fighting each other over peanuts.

It's a choice, all that is required in order to live to the full, by ones very own ideals, is complete isolation... I do not like most of contemporary societies ideals but I definately realise that without them I would be in very diffirent situation.. ie a lot less comfortable than I am now. ( Have you travelled and seen how some of the rest of the world live, it's not always a pretty sight).

I believe that living completely self sustaining life would mean a hell of a lot of concessions for very little, if any, gain ...You have to provide food and shelter for yourself, hail rain or snow, you must be capable of defending oneself from "deadly" foes, you must be capable of healing oneself in the event injury or ill health.. As a society these things can be accomplished far more easilly that on ones own..

Unfortunately we are not taught to defend for ourselves, we are taught consumerism, this is the price to pay for moderm comfort.. None of this stops me having my own ideals but it certainely calms down some of the wilder ones.

By the way, there are no such things as "rights", they are merely a man-made conception to make you "believe" that the powerfull and wealthy are not profiting from your labour....

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Khaptain
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Re: Meeow

@LucreLout

At last someone whose moral values do not appear to be egocentric.

"Were I to tell my mates wife that he is cheating on her, I can be reasonably sure neither will top themselves. "

Unfortunately that I do not imagine that that is possible to know beforehand, jealousy is a very strong emotion capable of producing some very unfortunate outcomes. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was not invented without reason. There are a multitude of indirect consequences, children, peer pressure, religious belief, destruction of personal moral values which are less obvious which could have dire outcomes, in the short of long term. In all cases scars will remain, losing trust in or from your partner is not a positive situation for anyone to live through.

"If you tell a million peoples spouse their partner is cheating, you can be reasonably sure some of them will kill themselves or their cheating spouse. The scale of numbers involved all but guarantee it."

I would state the scale of numbers only gives us an idea of how many people might be cheating on their spouses, not on their suicidal tendencies or their capacity to commit murder.

I would also debate that people most people do not have a disposition to kill or commit suicide and that it would take a lot more than just an AM kind of sex scandal to induce them..

However, there are people who are already borderline who could easily be pushed over the edge, but as stated, they were already borderline and a multitude of reasons could have sufficed. AM is nothing more than the toppling point.

What I find most disturbing of all though is the quantity of people that must be direly unhappy enough to believe that something like AM will bring them some comfort.. In reality it is more than likely to bring them a lot more unhappiness, the truth of the situation is that AM, like most of the others sex sites is a money making scam....( with or without the hackers)...

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Khaptain
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Re: Suicide rates

And from the remaining 29 999 989 people, I wonder if any of them were due to the fact that they joined and paid Ashley Madison hoping for a "quick romance" only to find it that it was a scam.

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Vodafone UK rocks the bloat with demands for vanilla Android

Khaptain
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Re: And quicker updates

Samsung still has a long way to go. Although on saying that I don't mind Samsungs overlay.

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Khaptain
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I

Here in Switzerland ,no one locks or adds any bloat, it feels like paradise....

In France, Orange at least have severely cut down the bloat to removable apps, the phones are free to unlock after

6 months, which is fine. We are almost on Vanilla android except for the little Orange logo during the boot phase, which I really don't see very often. Things are getting better with every new generation.

Not sure about Sfr ( Vodafone).

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Khaptain
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Re: I imagine...

because it's faster and has a thousand newer/more better/shinier functions and it's capable of making me look like a rock star and, and, and because Dave will be jealous.....

Alternatively, it's because we like to have new things....all the time, in any event after only a week or so we don't even see the OS/telephone anymore, we adapt and become accustomed to the "new" very, very quickly, the illness is more commonly known as "consumerism"...

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'Hans free' mobe gag crowned Fringe's funniest

Khaptain
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It would defiantly be much better than taking your Ashley MAddison password .

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Amazon to trash Flash, as browsers walk away

Khaptain
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Re: Hading a good time reading El Reg

The editorial team are not necessarily the London team, sometimes it is the SF team and for obvious time zone constraints the "fixes" don't appear immediately...

No-one comes to El Reg for perfect grammar.. thank fork **..

(** Don't want to use "thank deity" anymore because it would therefore presume that such a thing existed, outside of men's minds.... and "thank fork" sounds like a desired grammatical error)

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Khaptain
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"Anyway, once we've cleaned Flash out of our lives, we can start getting shot of ***king Java."

That will be a hell of a lot more difficult..

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Even 'super hackers' leave entries in logs, so prepare to drown in data

Khaptain
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Agreed and it appears that Chuvakin is not a frequent member if the Budget/Project decision committee meetings.

Security is obviously a balance of Cost vs Risk... The questions are always the same "Can the risks be mitigated, if so how much will it cost?" What's that you say, we "must " have at least 3 data centres to host or our Exchange server..... HOW MUCH......

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High-heeled hacker builds pen-test kit into her skyscraper shoes

Khaptain
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What pen-test kit

What shoes, ah now I see them, I was busy looking at the rest of the kit for a moment or two...

Mon dieu, that brightened me up from what was otherwise a very grey, damp and dull tram ride into work.

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