* Posts by Khaptain

3252 posts • joined 4 May 2008

Frenchman eyes ocean domination with floating, mobile Bond villain lair

Khaptain Silver badge

El Reg Kick Funding

I propose to forward my name as the first person to sponsor the >45k. I would need a little help from the dear El Reg readers.

I will even wear an El Reg T-Shirt whilst I am stroking the on-board pussy.....

Cmon guys, think about it, your names would be printed on the back of the TShirt as being part of fthe official sponsors..

Dropbox erects sueball shield with new T&C and privacy legalese

Khaptain Silver badge
Thumb Up

I would suggest BitTorrentSync, everything remains yours, there is no middle man, no limits and hopefully no NSA, GCHQ etc....


Takes about 1 minute to set it up. I can't vouch for how well it works on mobile because I only use it between PCs,Laptops.

Forgot to mention that is it free.

Samsung brandishes quad-core Galaxy S5, hopes nobody wants high specs

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Battery

Truck batteries are the solution.

1 : Strapped to your back - Very portable..

2 : Pushed/Pulled around in an old ladies shopping trolley - just add a Louis Vuitton or Guchi label to the front..

3 : Cleverly disguise half of a battery under each shoe within the soles. ( It gives the added benefit of making you taller and instantly more manly.)

4 : Hang around truckers parks - For a little extra "servicing" they might give you a free recharge from one of their batteries.

Khaptain Silver badge

I usually take my wife, but each to his own..

Wanna change the world but need cash? Fret not: Billionaire Eric Schmidt has some spare change

Khaptain Silver badge


Google is reportedly making about $2000 every second, therefore in the time that it takes to read this comment Eric should already have enough to pay for this little venture..... ( OK read a little slow....)

Climate change will 'cause huge increase in murder, robbery and rape'

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: London riots

Ok, can you please explain Ukraine at the moment

Khaptain Silver badge

Difficult to take this serious

I would suggest that

* Increasing disparity of wealth ( Rich get richer, poor get poorer)

* Globalisation

* Overpopulation

* Insatisfaction with Governements.

* Corporate Theft. ( Silverstein cough cough)

Were more more likely to cause Murder and Robbery than that that might arrive from a change in climatic conditions.

( Rape is a subject I won't include as it's probably very, very difficult to determine the reasons but I am not sure that Climatic Conditions are the major factor, ymmv)....

Yes! New company smartphones! ... But I don't WANT one

Khaptain Silver badge

The Big Question

Throughout the article, I often found myself asking "What do you want a smartphone to do today that it didn't do yesterday?".

What are the new, extra or amazing features that you are looking for / require ?

Or have you arrived at the end of the "Feed me with smartphone wowness" stage of life...

I would surmize that either

a : Trevor is getting old and the geek is fading into the darkness.

b : Someone needs to bring out handheld holographic devices, "today", in order to satisfy the waning geekness.

c : The smartphone market has simly reached peak smartphone, fallen into complete banality and we, as a race, need to move on to newer grounds.

Rise of the Machines: Robot challenges top German player at ping-pong

Khaptain Silver badge


How many of you went wooooaaahhhh when Agilus started rolling the ball around the edge of the bat.

Amazing engineering, mechanical and software : a little worrying all the same, did I just see John Conner waiting for a bus....

Question : Is there any valid reason for building robots to perform tasks in tha same manner that a human being would perform them ? ( Other than the obvious serviable slave)

G20 gives Google, Microsoft, Apple et al tax deadline

Khaptain Silver badge

Tax Havens

Whilst we're on the subject of tax havens and tax avoidance etc... Can the G20 also ensure that "Everyone Else" also pays their tax.....that means ministers, business men, anyone that has money in Switzerland that does not work on Switzerland ( Switzerland could be any of those damned Hide your Finance countries)..

These loopholes only exist because ministers and their sidekicks created them so that they too could profit.....

Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

Khaptain Silver badge


"So in closing if we treat everyone like we would like to be treated things are made less problematic in our lives."

Unfortunately your summation does not incorporate the most powerfull driving force of them all : human greed.....

Altrusim is a wonderfull ideal, reality is a lot less perfect....

Khaptain Silver badge

Yes, I know that a Fatwa is not a death warrant as such but the media and some clerics have successfully managed to make it appear as though it was.

Religion is and should remain a private affair unfortunately the religion leaders and the media don't want to make it so.....

In any event is there much difference to fear between death and eternal damnation......

Khaptain Silver badge

I wonder if the subject of Space Exploration has been covered in any of the religious books ?

Who knows, maybe there is a better Deity on the planet Mars....Now that would make for really interesting news....

You have to love the irony though:

Putting a death warrant on someone for potentially committing suicide..

TONGUES OUT if you want to LICK Steve Jobs' BACKSIDE

Khaptain Silver badge

Call animal welfare immediately

Won't anyone think about the worms and the maggots.

By the way isn't there a law against necrophilia.

Conspiracy theories rage as 100 website defacements hit Singapore

Khaptain Silver badge

L0pht hommage

I presume that they are called L0pht in hommage to the team of hackers that were relatively well known in the 90s.

Some of you might know the tool known as L0phtCrack which could provide help in "retreiving" lost NT, Windows passwords. ( I think it actually still exists)...

Silk Road admins: Sorry for the hack, we're sorting out refunds

Khaptain Silver badge

Ponzi scheme tactics

So they will be using the next bunch of numpties orders to pay for "reimburse" previously stolen funds.

Isn't that just a slight variation of the typical Ponzi scheme.

Smells like something that I wouldn't want to eat......

Steelie Neelie 'shocked' that EU tourists turn mobes off when abroad

Khaptain Silver badge

What does she expect

The Telcos have been "stealing" money from punters for long and weary with these damned "roaming" charges which represent no value whatsoever for the client.

Since I live/work on the French/Swiss border I am only too aware of what it means to forget to turn off roaming- my bills remind me very quickly . Like many people that live/work around the European borders there are few solutions.

1 : Possess two telephones, one for each country.

2 : Turn off roaming on all phones.

3 : Have dual SIM cards.

4 : Pretend that Europe doesn't actually exist and that France /Switzerland are actually Beelions of Kms apart and that that is the justification for the excessive charges...

Anything but anything to avoid those charges which are nothing more than pure and utter theft.

And it makes no difference whatsover that I use Orange France and Orange Switzerland for both contracts, it appears that Orange doesn't actually speak to it's fellow Europeans counterparts/subsidiries unless of course they are fixing the roaming charges..

It cost me almost nothing to use my "landline" to phone 60 odd countries in the world and yet it costs me the price of a leasing a small car to phone my neighbours ( 2kms away) when I use the mobile phone.... go figure..

What's the point in having One Europe. Why can't we have One Physical Network, ie all the operators share the same masts/technology, they all provide the same services anyway and completely eradicate the ramiog charges once and for all.

C'mon Neely, push the laws into effect NOW. Stop the bribes and backhanders and show us that Europe really is a community.

[Rant off]

Computer expert and broadcaster Ian McNaught-Davis dies at 84

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: The Old Man Of Hoy

"The Adventure Game"

I honestly can't think of any television program that I enjoyed more that the Adventure Game. Even today I still play the Escape Room games as they remind me of the program.

I must admit to not ever hearing about McNaught-Davis, shame because he appears to have been an excellent all-rounder.

Ericsson and Kodiak in Europe WALKIE-TALKIE-style push-to-talk push

Khaptain Silver badge


Preverlent ?

Tata says USA rejecting HALF of Indians' work visa requests

Khaptain Silver badge

Employing people from 3rd world universities is not a problem.

Employing people from 3rd world universities with no 1st world experience is a problem.

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Xenophobes rule..


No, I don't think so. I think that what we are seeing is some of the failings of "Globalisation"....

Who OWNS data generated by 'connected cars' sensor slurpers?

Khaptain Silver badge


That brings up another point, will it be the car manufacturer that actually includes an almost invisible paragraph within the Garauntee.


will it be a seperate Telco contract,

or even worse,

a pseudo DataWarehouseComeServiceProvider weirdly named company which in reality will be a see through heavilly disguised GCHQ(NSA) front end.....

Khaptain Silver badge

It doesn't matter whether it is Samsung or Apple that make my phone, whether the provider is Orange or Vodafone, the data generated through my phone is generated by me, I am ultimately the owner since the data concerns my usage.

I don't see why the car is any different.

I can only presume that GPS will be turned on permanently, I can't even begin to imagine the abuse that could result.

BIG question : Will the user be able to control/switch off the data transfer?

'Please don't make me spend more time with my family...'

Khaptain Silver badge

Long term [anything] = We will make a stab in the dark and pray that mother luck shines on us.

Mid term strategy : Someone came up with an almost feasible idea during one of our 4 hour meetings and we will give the project to a Junior in order that he prepares a long winded report detailing the possible microscopic chance of actually succeeding. It should shut him and the Regional Manager up for a month of two.

Short term strategy : Were panicking to find a solution, so a hurried response is all that is available.

Temporary Solution : Fuck we didnt think about that, so here is a hopeless solution in order to tide things over until the shit really hits the fan.

QBR ( Quarterly Business Report): A large PPT files containing lots of lies that will hopefully discourage the regional CIO from poking his nose into local business.

Future Business Prospects : The chance to have an all expenses paid lunch with people of a similar standing.

[Anyone notice the rather negative tone.......... welcome to the corporate world ]

My smelly Valentine: Europe's perfumers wake to V-Day nightmare

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Alternatives are available

I use the same brand to cleanse my tongue and freshen my throat. I even went to the manufacturing source in order to verify that my product was bona fide.

Apple Mac Pro: It's a death star, not a nappy bin, OK?

Khaptain Silver badge

Final Destiny

Didn't everything Darth Vaderish get blown up, burn or sent to oblivion....

Would it hold a plant pot ?

Silk Road reboot claims: Hacker STOLE all our Bitcoin funds

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: The thing that strikes me as odd ...

Isn't this disparity exactly the same modus operandi of all the major stock exchanges ? Albeit the differences are much smaller.

Khaptain Silver badge

They should also start checking out Swiss banks for new accounts with a user name of "Defcon"...

Japanese fanboi first in queue for, er, iPhone 6

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Why...

I was glancing at peoples screens this morning on the tram ride to work. I would estimate that about 80% were playing games......( Android and Apple grouped together here).

Therefore the majority were simply using their device as a means of relieving boredom. Since any of the current middle of the road, even some lower end phones are capable of providing the power/hardware required to play these games, the purchasing of latest and greatest iPhone, S4 etc can have no real objective other than as a status symbol or as a sheepishly consumeristic must have.

It is the personification of consumerism and both apple and Samsung are loving it..

Khaptain Silver badge

Satirical Personificiation

I presume that this is some kind of satirical personificiation of Apple's ultimate consumers.

Here's looking forward to the "forthcoming" iPhone 1242 ( only a few hickups to resolve and it will be on the production line).

His stunt has worked though, he has managed to make the headlines of El Reg.

10,000 km road trip proves Galileo satnav works, says ESA

Khaptain Silver badge


I think that the real issue here is about ownership..... The good ol US of A can switch of / disturb NavStar GPS for others at the flick of a switch, whereas they don't have their finger on a Galileo button.

I also believe that it will have very accurate positioning, 1m for the general public, but that the precision service, I will guesstimate/speculate on 10cm, will only be made available to the Govt and/or Military.

Lenovo cracks its first ever $10bn quarter

Khaptain Silver badge

How about some freebies

Or even how about droppong the price of the ThinkPad X1 Carbon Touch to around 500$, for promotional reasons......

Scotland to test mobe signals slammer jammer

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Listen in

The GCHQ and the NSA don't seem to have a problem recording non-criminal conversations, I can only presume that also include the criminal conversations and obviouslly share the info with the local plods.

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Rollout?

And public transport.

John McAfee declares war on Android

Khaptain Silver badge

That's what Eric keeps telling Larry.

HP's hiring: UK jobs for, er, UK workers.... maybe

Khaptain Silver badge

Everybody or Nobody

When the upper echelons make these kinds of decisions I believe that it would only be fair if everyone on the board had to relocate to these "cheap" countries and that their salaries/bonus/fees were readjusted on a prorata basis.

If the lower workers can be replaced, then why not replace the entire company.

I wonder if their decisions would remain the same ?

Time to pack in your job: Someone FINALLY needs a cat vids curator

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Choices choices choices


Its Friday, the article was a little bit tongue in cheek, notice the troll icon...

Have a beer and chill out a little ..all is forgiven.

Khaptain Silver badge

Choices choices choices

1 : Work in Pizza store, bad pay but free pizza.

2 : Work in arts festival thing : bad pay but all the best cat videos.

3 : Work in an Apple store: “awesome”, “amazing”, “brilliant"......

Fuck it, I'll become unemployed. Even unemployed Pizza is still affordabe, I get free entrance to the arts festivals, youtube already gives me too many cat videos for free and I won't have to look/behave like a twunt working for Apple...

And I can also reply to El Reg stories......

Google admits 'garbage in, garbage out' translation problem

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: re. chat(s)

They have not yet mastered the use of the Babel Fish......

CERN outlines plan for new 100km circumference supercollider

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Is that really the best place to build these things?

My apartment is inside that ring, so I would much prefer that they move it to Australia.....ie as far away as possible....

If things went wrong, no-one would miss the Aussies anyway..... Suggestions required for an antipodean icon, possibly an upside down picture of Darwin ( Charles not the city), it could then be usefull for a multitude of comments.

Think wearables are the next tech boom? Cisco's numbers beg to differ

Khaptain Silver badge

Too much smoke

The home computer brought computing into the home and allowed Joe Public access to a plenitude of possibilities.

The portable computer made it "portable", Joe Public could now take his plenitude of possibilities anywhere with him.

The portable telephone meant he could also communicate verbally whilst on the move.

The smartphone meant he could communicate and use his plenitude of possibilities whilst on the move.

The wearables: Difficult to relate them to anything other than fashion accessories or minor appendages to existing hardware. They won't actually give Joe Public anything more than he already has.

Personally I see this as a quick fad UNLESS one of them is capable of producing an interactive holographic image/screen/interface which has 7 day autonomy.

Gartner as usual are a "little overly" optimistic, they must be smoking crack again..... Cisco appear to be smoking on a very little light weed , good for Cisco.

Interesting article all the same

Jean Michel Jarre: Je voudrais un MUSIC TAX sur VOTRE MOBE

Khaptain Silver badge

Go away JMJ - Your time is up.

So after you have bought your music, legally with all the various taxes included, you can then get charged a second time in order to listen to it.

JMJ - Un petit homme qui doit être classé dans les ranges de gens pathétiques.

City bankers survive simulated cyber-war

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Make it more real

I would further add the scenario, probably the most likely, whereby the attackers have inside help.

Imagine the advantage of hacking into an institution when one of your drinking buddies is the BOFH.

fWHoaR! Researcher crack eternal mystery of what women want in a man

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Long face, long schlong shurley..?

Bulls have very wide heads AND long schlongs.. therefore they have everything that a woman wants..

First man/machine nerve grafts restore amputee's sense of touch

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: glad to see those minds put to good use

"Does this mean that this guy is now one of the worlds first true cyborgs?"

Not quite at T800 standards but definately getting there.

Impressive work all round, let's pray that the military doesn't invent a less positive use for it.

How many keys can one keyboard have? Do I hear 200? 300? More?

Khaptain Silver badge

Cheat Sheet

Dont forget to print out a cheat sheet which shows where all of the keys are placed.

Forget ski-jumping – Russians setting records in Sochi visitor hacking

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Malware may be the least of your problems

"The State Department warned that travelers should have no expectation of privacy, even in their hotel rooms."

Welcome to America, Great Britain, China, Russia.

Alternatively, just don't travel anywhere with a laptop, smart phone, computing device, internet connected thingy if your data is that important.

Crafty French hackers tweak 'My Account' page, slurp 800,000 Orange users' details

Khaptain Silver badge

Re: Clarification required

I wonder if they couldn't introduce a 3rd factor by using the NFC feature of newish phones or even something Bluetooth related?

Khaptain Silver badge

Clarification required

The article is slightly confusing about numbers here

1 : Is that 3% of 800 000 users therefore 24 000 accounts


2 : 800 000 is 3% of the total users therefore orange has 24 000 000 users.

I verified my own account and did not see any mention of the hacking.. Should I presume that I am safe, no, quick change of password just for the sake of it.

Why is it that the major operators/telcos and ISPs dont force a password change every 6 months for example.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019