* Posts by Haku

1696 posts • joined 13 Apr 2007

Behold, says robo-mall-cop maker: Our crime-busting dune buggy packed with spy gear

Haku
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Re: It's all becoming very "Deus Ex"

Either that or Gene Simmons is going to start populating robots with evil red-tagged chips that make them attack people, thankfully Tom Selleck is still in the law enforcement business (Blue Bloods) so we'll be safe.

If you're wondering what the hell I've been smoking, you've obviously not seen Runaway (1984) imdb.com/title/tt0088024/ (trailer youtube.com/watch?v=zCZY9Z6WvSY)

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Chrome to label FTP sites insecure

Haku
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Re: FFS, stop the nannying

I'd like it if instead of all the nannying, every time you open up a browser a little popup window says:

Welcome to the internet.

Here be dragons.

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Haku
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FTP is insecure? OH NO! The sky is falling! The end is nigh! Run for your lives! Say what now?*

*delete as applicable

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Stuff the movement of celestial spheres, let's sit down and watch Bonnie Tyler on TV

Haku
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Re: Sheer Heart attack

How about watching the fly-on-the-wall "Ambulance" show whilst The Prodigy - Take Me To The Hospital is playing in the background.

Too literal?

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Scottish pensioners rage at Virgin cabinet blocking their view

Haku
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Re: Fail to see

Some of the big ugly pavement boxes I've walked past have the distinct whirring sound of a computer fan coming from inside so it wouldn't surprise me if they did.

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Flying electric taxi upstart scores $90m from investors

Haku
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Coat

Flying taxis? Uh oh, you know what that means...Big Bada Boom!!

There's a picture of me getting mine, you can see me checking it has the mul-ti-pass in the inside pocket.

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Big Tech slams Trump on plan to deport kids

Haku
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@AC, sort of like when you read the name "Iphis Knapton" and you think "Surely that's got to be made up", and you're right it is, just like everyone else's name.

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Uber sued by Uber for tarnishing the good name of Uber

Haku
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Uber articles are like busses.

You wait for one story to come along and suddenly you're deluged with half a dozen of em!

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Uber squints, makes room for another probe: This time it's bribery

Haku
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Probe related story?

We should start calling them Moon River stories, after that scene in Fletch.

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Japanese sat tech sinks Sea Shepherd anti-whaling activists' hopes

Haku
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Re: De gustibus non est disputandum

I don't think it's necessarily the diet they're concerned about, moreover they're concerned about what'll happen if the whale population number is detrimentally reduced or becomes extinct and what effect that'll have to the food chain in the ocean.

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So thoughtful. Uber says it won't track you after you leave their vehicles

Haku
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It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

Asking for forgivness needs to be more difficult, then people & corporations wouldn't get away with so much underhanded crap.

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Look, we know you're all hacking DJI drones. How 'bout a bug bounty?

Haku
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It's the "up to" part of the reward offer that will make sure those who have discovered the bugs for their own personal gain through selling patches, won't be telling DJI how those patches do their thing.

If they sell the derestriction patch for say $200 then they only need to get 150 customers and they've matched the maximum $30k bounty offer, after that they're laughing.

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Facebook will deny ads to repeat promoters of fake news

Haku
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So now they'll only post fake news for the lulz or propaganda instead of financial gain?

Yeah, that'll work out just fine.

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Boffins bust AI with corrupted training data

Haku
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"Boffins from New York University have posed that question in a paper at arXiv, and come up with the disturbing conclusion that machine learning can be taught to include backdoors, by attacks on their learning data."

Oh, you mean like in the old 1980 sci-fi film Saturn 3? And probably several others I can't name right now.

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Chrome wants to remember which Websites to silence

Haku
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"ultrasonic tracking"

Just read up about it - holy shit! What a bunch of evil scumbags those marketing / advertising people are!

"By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing…kill yourself. It’s just a little thought; I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they’ll take root – I don’t know. You try, you do what you can.

(Kill yourself.)"

-- Bill Hicks - full tirade youtube.com/watch?v=GaD8y-CGhMw

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Headless body found near topless beach: Missing private sub journalist identified

Haku
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Re: This story is still nowhere near as strange as...

I always loved dystopian sci-fi films because they would ask the question "How bad would life be like if..." and for a short while I'd live in an alternate, twisted universe, then when they end I would be thankful things aren't that bad.

But unfortunately, looking around at the current state of the world, "if..." appears to be happening and now after watching those sorts of films I don't have that comforting feeling anymore.

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AccuWeather: Our app slurped your phone's location via Wi-Fi but we like totally didn't use it

Haku
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"...but we like totally didn't use it"

Aaa

AAAaaa

AAAAAACHOOOOO!!!

I'm sorry about that, I have a bullshit allergy.

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Sonos will deny updates to those who snub rewritten privacy terms

Haku
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"You can't modify or repair the devices you use."

There's a worrying trend in technology where the manufacturer/creator is doing its level best to stop you actually owning the product you paid them for.

Case in point is the gaming industry where there's an increase in high priced games that contain no physical copy inside the box, just a download code, so you can't sell it on when you've completed it / got bored of it.

Companies like CEX must also be a little worried about this.

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Kraut coppers seize 5,000 Donald Trump-shaped dance biscuits

Haku
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I hear some of the side effects to this dance biscuit are:

Bloated ego.

Orange skin.

Decreased capability of understanding basic science.

Inability to distinguish between white supremacists and their opposition.

Talking bollocks.

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UK.gov to treat online abuse as seriously as IRL hate crime

Haku
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Oh shit, does that mean we can't use downvote buttons anymore because they're a sign of dislike?

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British snoops at GCHQ knew FBI was going to arrest Marcus Hutchins

Haku
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It looks like they were quite desparate to pin something on him, judging by the last paragraph:

"Previously, FBI agents had tried claiming Hutchins might try obtaining firearms to commit crimes, based solely on his having tweeted about visiting a shooting range in Las Vegas – a common tourist pastime in Sin City."

Talk about clutching at straws!

Hey if he tweets "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America.", will he get kicked out instead? You know, like those boneheads at Homeland Security did to some Brits a few years back - https://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/01/30/tweet_deportation/

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I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

Haku
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Re: how many double entendres

Give me one.

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London cops urged to scrap use of 'biased' facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

Haku
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"These images will be retained for the purposes of analysis of this project only and will not be speculatively searched or disseminated for any purpose."

*sniff* *sniff*

Eww, something smells.

*checks under shoes*

Nope, not there, the smell must be coming from that statement.

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Batteries that don't burn at the drop of a Galaxy Note 7? We're listening

Haku
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Re: holographic crystal storage...

@Def

Take me to your leader, no not the orange one with the guinea pig toupe.

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Haku
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Re: holographic crystal storage...

I'm all for the holographic crystal storage in the future, totally 100%, but I reeeeaaally don't want to have to wear this* to get the benefits of such a storage medium.

.

* don't click the link, seriously.

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Samsung's bantam SSD makes WD's 'passport' drive look passé

Haku
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Re: Crikey - $800???

"It'd be nice to see an eSATA port though."

I agree, although an eSATAp port would be even better.

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A glimpse of life under President Zuckerberg? Facebook CEO's boffins censor awkward Q&A

Haku
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PR stunt.

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The cheek of it! Beach bar owner shoots nude bather in the booty

Haku
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I remember holidaying at that beach.

Though my memories are a little vague because I was 7 at the time, and that was a long time ago.

But it was a good holiday, and there was the time we went on a coach tour that went round the narrow roads on the mountain, and some idiot crashed into the back wheel, of which I was sat right above.

Their Citroen was written off, the coach only needed a new hubcap :)

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Drone-maker DJI's Go app contains naughty Javascript hot-patching framework

Haku
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"Once paid for, that's it."

Sadly when you've oughtright bought a product that doesn't have any ongoing payment contract, some companies believe you only have what approximates to a license to use it because they don't want you to take it apart or repair/modify/upgrade it yourself.

This is noteable in the car industry where they're practically computers on wheels that contain propritary software you're apparently not allowed to reverse engineer.

It's also very noteable in the agricultural industry in America, where farmers are not allowed to fix the vehicles they paid for and 'own' - https://www.wired.com/2015/04/dmca-ownership-john-deere/

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Blighty’s beloved Big Ben bell ends, may break Brexit bargain

Haku
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We've got modern technology now, how about an official bong app?

One in which the loudness is directly proportional to the proximity of the real bell.

Although, once the real bell starts working again, everyone's bell ends.

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GoDaddy gives white supremacist site its marching orders after Charlottesville slur

Haku
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Re: RE : Brexit

If you don't want to ever read about Brexit anymore, how about you stop reading the bloody internet?

It's still very much a thing, and I'm still very much pissed off about it and those who voted for it.

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Haku
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Re: 'scum in the shadows'

Much like how some have believed the Brexit vote result has given them the right to be openly racist.

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Firmware update blunder bricks hundreds of home 'smart' locks

Haku
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Facepalm

The Internet of Turmoil strikes again.

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HMS Queen Lizzie impugned by cheeky Scot's drone landing

Haku
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Re: Assuming it was armed...

Guns vs racing drones at a shooting range - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq0oCM37oZA

It's funny watching the law enforcement guys bragging at the beginning about being so sure they're going to shoot down a drone, then they see how small & fast they are...

Best quote of the video is at the briefing from an FPV pilot: "I hope he's clear they have to shoot the drone not the pilot, that would be the easiest way to bring the drone down"

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Lauri Love and Gary McKinnon's lawyer, UK supporters rally around Marcus Hutchins

Haku
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Re: "98 per cent of people charged in America take a plea deal."

The US has more prisoners than any other country, including China.

http://www.icpr.org.uk/media/41356/world_prison_population_list_11th_edition.pdf

"There are more than 2.2 million prisoners in the United States of America, more than 1.65 million in China (plus an unknown number in pre-trial detention or ‘administrative detention’), 640,000 in the Russian Federation, 607,000 in Brazil, 418,000 in India, 311,000 in Thailand, 255,000 in Brazil and 225,000 in Iran."

Most certainly the number one country in which you don't want to be accused of a crime.

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Haku
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Burn the witch!

I got this weird feeling like I'm reading a news piece about a bunch of pitchfork weilding villagers who lynched the one outsider who came to defend them against an evil digital monster and decided his knowledge of the 'dark arts' meant he was to blame for something else they also couldn't understand.

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70% of Windows 10 users are totally happy with our big telemetry slurp, beams Microsoft

Haku
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"Happy" or "Ignorant"?

You can often substitute those two words with each other without changing the meaning of the statement/sencence etc. Look:

"70% of Windows 10 users are totally ignorant with our big telemetry slurp, beams Microsoft"

Still works.

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Britons ambivalent about driverless car tech, survey finds

Haku
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Re: I'll take a driverless car please.

You've seen Tron?

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Haku
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I'll take a driverless car please.

I passed my driving test first time with no faults, but I don't like driving, I'd rather be doing something more interesting, like posting crap online ;)

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Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

Haku
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Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

I do like their bread from their closest store to me, I vastly prefer it over the offerings from Sainsburys & Tesco, namely because it's denser so when I cut a good 2cm thick slab off a loaf it doesn't cave in or disintigrate when I spread butter from the fridge on it.

To me it's worth going 4 miles to there for that bread than 1 mile to the other major stores.

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Haku
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Re: You've got to question the quality

I'd put money on it being a loss leader to get free advertising whilst the footie season is on.

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A sarcasm detector bot? That sounds absolutely brilliant. Definitely

Haku
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Re: A massive market

If they think a sarcasm detector bot will be the best thing since sliced bread, an irony detector bot will be the toaster, or something, I need an analogy bot.

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London Mayor slams YouTube over failure to remove 'shocking' violent gang vids

Haku
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UK publishes Laws of Robotics for self-driving cars

Haku
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Fucking with the 'robots'.

I read a comment recently about drivers who have been screwing with the autopilot feature of Teslas; whilst on freeways people purposely swerving into the lane of a Tesla driver so their car has to react, ie automatically braking or changing lanes.

I did try and find video evidence of this happening, but all I could really find was YouTube videos of how the autopilot has avoided crashes due to the incumbency of other drivers (often rather reasurring evidence of how computers will spot something a human driver misses) but also the occasional piece of footage of the car screwing up and swerving into oncominrg traffic, causing the driver to take back control of the steering wheel, indicating the technology still has a long way to go before full automation on the roads can be completely trusted.

It leaves me wondering what the future of driving will be like when the ratio of computer to human drivers gets close to 1:1.

In the case of human drivers 'trolling' the computer drivers, swerving into the path of them etc., at least those computer driven vehicles will have dashcam evidence of the himan drivers acting like arseholes, because who would design a computer driven vehicle without cameras recording everything that's going on for in the event of something going wrong.

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UK taxmen slammed for tech glitches rampant on child benefits website

Haku
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The future will be a paperless office they said.

But you don't need electricity or any knowledge of computers to use a pen & paper.

Upgrading your pen won't render your paper useless.

Your pen & paper can't get infected by ransomware.

Downsides? Reading people''s handwriting and other numerous things you can only do with digitial information (ease of copy/backup/instant distribution to other people etc.)

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Google drops poker face, allows gambling apps on Play Store

Haku
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Gambling is like playing against the WOPR

"the only winning move is not to play"

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Capita's smart meter monopoly is owed £42m by industry

Haku
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Someone's making one hell of a payday out of these devices that are being touted as money savers for their users.

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'Real' people want govts to spy on them, argues UK Home Secretary

Haku
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Re: I must be a fake person.

What if the real part is actually imaginary and the imaginary part is actually real?

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Haku
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Re: Amber alert

Sounds like the "Yellow warning of rain." alert I sometimes see on the BBC Weather page, which my brain automatically translates to "It's going to piss down."

I haven't grown up, I just got older :)

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Haku
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I must be a fake person.

Because I do not want to be spied upon.

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