Posts by JayB

Ahh, VM, pack of all out liars

.. and yes Mr Branson, you can try and take me to court for that assertion.

My whole street is cabled by VM, so when I moved in I thought "great", phoned them and spoke to a young chap who ran the post code and address... "no problem sir, you'll be able to have that, we just have to do a site survey before we organise an installation date". Ok, fair enough but then heard nothing. After chasing around I finally got to speak to the guy who did the area surveys who goes away, comes back and tells me to get stuffed (not in so many words, but the same level of interest). Apparently yes, everyone in my street is cabled, including my neighbour, but apparently the cable is laid in such a way that it's not commercially viable to go the whole hog and connect me, the last house in the street.

Fine. Seriously annoying after having been told I could have it, but fine. I understand (dislike but understand).

What I don't understand or like, are the letters personally addressed to me saying "hey, all your neighbours have fibre with us and unlimited superfast broadband, so could you". I get one of these about every month. I'm about to start responding in blunt and needlessly abusive terms.

Wonder if I can class this as harrasment.....

Slightly puzzled and wondering if I have missed something...

So this guy starts his statistical analysis by comparing PCs running Windows to Apple Macs. Ok, this I get and is a fair balance, but he states that the sea change was really when stuff like the Ipod came in.

So he's gone from "PCs vs Macs" to "PCs vs (Macs + Apple Mp3 players)" at a time when it was quite possible for a household to have have 1 desktop/laptop and 3 or 4 MP3 players. MP3 players are an individual & consumable item, I mean this is hardly comparing Oranges with Oranges is it?

IF (and I do mean if) I'm reading that right, to me, as an engineer, that makes his stats and his conclusions utterly bollocks.

How many circles?

I may not be a bloody mathematician but as far as I can tell there is a f*** of a lot more than 3 overlapping circles in that image.

So aside from being a cetacean blaring loonie, he's also a moron who can't count????? And people wonder why I think the Human Race (tm) is doomed.

Is it wrong to wish a cessation of circular cetacean creations?

Or...

The Holy Hand grenade of Antioch.... just to annoy Dept of Homeland Psychosis, I mean Security.

Coffee from a capsule????

Personally I like my Russell Hobbs "Brew and Grind". Chuck in the beans, hit a button and it gets on with the whole damn job for me... I just have to drink the coffee. No plastic crapsules, no nasty taste (unless of course you go for crap coffee) and in the event I run out of beans then it can work as a normal filter coffee machine.

Tea comes from a teapot, not a machine. Except at work, and then it's naff tea.

Regardless of your opinions on personalised plates..

How can any of the comments here ACTUALLY support the DV-Capita owns your ass-LA??

Fact - DVLA sold a product valued at 400 nicker.

Fact - Consumer buys product

Fact - DVLA then criminalise product

Fact - DVLA attempt to recompense Consumer with something valued at the sunny side of sweet FA.

... and you people think that is fine? If they made a mistake and said "look, sorry sir, that should never have been sold, here's your money back" I sort of get it, but at no time does it seem they did. The practice you cretins are advocating here is downright bloody criminal. It's called theft ffs!

If you still think it is fine, then please contact me, I have a pen here that allows intergalactic travel, yours for a cool grand. Should it fail in that I'll happily replace it with a BIC I picked up at TescTroseBury's for 20p.

Blessed are the Cheese Makers

Well it doesn't mean that literally, it refers to all manufacturers of diary products...

Sorry.. but admitted it, I won't be the first, I won't be the last....

Wasn't this discussed in the movie version of High Fidelity?

Book was better, movie wasn''t bad, but I think the line went something like

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music? "

I'm sure I can dredge some "research" up from other movies, can I have a grant please?

New force behind the Jesus Phone

Burning in Hell, there's an app for that....

How stupid are some people?

Come off it folks, I'm with the second post here. What is she going to say "Actually we've all got iPhones and IPods"? I can see that going down stunningly well with Bill and the Boys!!!! Let's just hand a howlingly huge PR coup to Uncle Steve of the Apple!!!

Don't be so bloody silly.

The kids probably DO have iPods, but Microsoft cannot afford them to admit it. This is Big Business boys and girls, not Cecil the Carpenter vs Bob the friggin Builder. So quit with this "it's disgusting they're depriving the kids" crap, wipe your mouth of foam and get back to trying to figure out why you bought your iPad.

Ok, I feel better for that rant... just not a lot.

Clearly not Prof Lewis Fan Club meeting

This was the Professor's resignation letter ffs, not a thesis on the subject of Climate Change, hence the lack of science! Resignation letters tend to be emotional, because they're a statement by someone that says "I disagree so much with what's being said/done that I am willing to stand by my principles and sacrifice my job, rather than lend tacit approval to something I believe to be false".

Frankly I admire the guy for sticking to his principle, for better or worse. How many of you can claim such solid beliefs in your knowledge/standpoint?

Whilst I am neither a Denier nor a Believer, I remain unconvinced, but things like ClimateGate, things like this guy resigning with claims of "stifled debate", these are not the first time we've being given the opportunity to question. We've seen so many "Man bad, he change climate" groups back track on figures, seasonally "readjust" numbers and selectively pick the most advantageous figures for their agendas that it is no wonder there are cries of "conspiracy conspiracy".

Oh, and for the inevitable "you're a denier & you'll burn" believers out there - as someone already said Climate Change has become a Religion with Cash as it's god, so like all other religions - sod off and get off my door step you self obsessed smug monkeys.

Oh and as for Mr "their conclusion is unequivocal", please look the word up. Shoddy statistics and a significant percentage of people disagreeing does not make for and unequivocal argument. By your citation "8 of 10 Climate Scientists" are you hoisted - so 20% of Scientists making a living off the gravy train of Climate Change disagree that Man's responsible???

<Rant mode off>

<Coffee mode on>

Pop Culture?

A large interest in American Pop Culture does NOT mean they are in favour of it.

Honestly, where do they find these muppets?

POP - Pretty Obviously Purile/Pointless/Pathetic.

Badgers, for no other reason than I like Badgers.

Wooohoooo

Wow, Eponymous Howard's clearly off his meds....

I deal with patents from time to time and two things about this bother me, and before EH delivers his well reasoned flaming they are...

1) They have used near as dammit a direct UI image copy. It doesn't matter a damn if it is merely an idea or merely one of a set of possible looks. It's in the Patent doc, and Apple WILL use it to beat people with later. If you don't believe me, then you're either naive or EH, or possibly both.

2) They have listed as a function of their patent something that parallels an App that someone has already developed, yet that poor sod is in no position to argue. He rolls over then he loses, he fights, he loses. How is this ethical business? I'm sorry but Apple's ethos of "all about the customer" is a load of balls. This is just big business theiving hypocrisy. Whilst that is the Capitalist world we live in, I just wish for once Apple would be f***ing honest about it, and Apple Fanbois actually bloody acknowledged that some innocent App develop is getting bent over so they can benefit from his shafting. Grow up an accept a little responsibility, you are responsible for creating this monster.

Over to Eponymous Howard for my ritual BBQ-ing. Hit it dude!!!

PS EH - it's a bit iffy to go for El Reg's Journalistic skills when you're clearly a foaming at the the mouth grade lunatic

... sort of see the point but...

I kind of get where the Chief Sky Fairy Prayer Man is coming from, but the entire institution is on kind of a sticky wicket. They're busily jumping up and down telling everyone how they must be respectful and not do anything to upset the Catholic Church whilst simultaneously hiding stuff that has kind of pissed off the rest of the world.

Moral of the story - people in glass houses really should lay off chucking stones. When the Sky Fairy supporters can prove that they really are whiter than Pontifical White (new from Crown, the Papal range "Pope in a Pot", Pontifical White, Ecclesiastical Yellow, Magdalene Maroon, Papal Purple), THEN I'll start listening to their slightly whacky edicts.

Sorry, I digress.....

Mine's the one with the colour matching charts in the pockets

"operating as expected"

I love that term.... so what was "expected"? We thought it'd fly like a turd in a snowstorm and it did... job done, it operated as expected?

Weasly friggin' words used by weasly friggin' people.

So here's a question...

Muppet leaves phone in bar, Fraggle picks it up, goes "Yo, anyone know whose this is?" No answer comes the stern reply. Fraggle puts phone in pocket planning to try and return it.

Fraggle gets home. Apple deactivate the phone, Fraggle contacts Apple, Apple deny the phone exists.

So here's the question - if Apple deny the object exists, how can they then jump up and down and scream criminal behaviour when their "bluff" is called? They refused return of the phone. I also disagree that the guy's approach to returning the phone was "unobvious", but admittedly I don't know the timescales - did Apple deactivate the unit before or after he tried to return it?

If you don't know who owns the phone, have no way of contacting them, who better to ask than the people likely to have User Registration Details?

Interesting article, shame the pro-Apple/anti-Gizmodo bias is quite so obvious, and it's a shame that Apple's ability to influence REACT is so heavily underplayed. Reality is when an organisation the size of Apple says "we'd like you to do x, y, z", heavily underfunded, inresourced groups do tend to listen. It's not just Apple that wields that power, it's any insanely large company.

Who we talking about?

"Oh, no, wait, they're a bunch of money grubbing little shits who annually screw over most of the creative world by charging obscene amounts for their software."

If we swap "software" for "hardware" and then discuss their overly territorial and near psychotic attitude to banning applications, gee, we could almost be talking about Apple.

I could easily turn this into a diatribe about Apple's "we like creativity, providing people create what we say they can, how we say they can. Non Apple Approved Creativity is baaaaddd" rant, but let's face it folks, all companies are as bad as each other. Every organisation is guilty in part or in full of the great crime of "trying to control the market place". Admittedly I feel that Apple is one of the most unpleasent because of it's two facedness, but everyone is guilty, from Car firms, to computer firms to med tech firms.

My advice... get over it.

'copters - 'cos I love 'em.....

Cretins

Can we have a deadline on banning supercilious Eco muppets from the world of Tech?

Greenpeace - We lie to get our way and if you disagree you're an evil planet hater... and we'll probably cry at you.

To all the "Phone radios are pointless" people

Right you lot.... just because you don't use the radio in your phone, doesn't mean the rest of us don't. Mine is an absolute godsend! I'm in and out of BnB's etc with work and on long journeys, this keeps me happily amused. Love to see a bleedin' DAB with half the quality and half the battery life manage as well as my wee phone does!

I see NO issues with including items like that and the whole bloody business of "editing" the figures is just the latest in the crazed smgheads who run this country deciding there are some junket trips they're missing out on so we have to pay!!!!!

DAB sucks. Technically and practically, it sucks.

Wow...

... I mean ... wow... and I thought our party political broadcasts were sodding awful.

This chick shredded the hell out of HP (I used to have a bunch of ex HP colleagues and they had nothing polite to say about her), she's widely regarded as the Angel of Death in tech circles and now she's employing dubious, 2nd rate "production artists" to put together shocklingly bad ads of dubious truth????? With seriously lousy actors....

I want they're all smoking.... just not quite so much and not quite as often!

Way to scaremonger!

Ok, I'm gonna establish some credentials. I used to work with European Eagle Owls as a Falconer so, I kinda know a little bit

WTF is the Times on about? Ok, MAX, and I mean MAX wingspan is 2m. 1m tall? Is it fuck as like. "Lock up your cats and dogs, there's a killer on the loose"???? God, it's as bad as "it's for the children". These things, are NOT that flaming big, are not agressive unless it's pissed off and frankly they are at bigger risk of dying than of killing.

More commonly these guys are about 1/2m from talon to top of ears and close 1 1/2m wingspan. You want an idea how big, bend your arm at the elbow so your upper arm is vertical, lower arm is horizontal, a big Euro will be able to look in your eyes. Note, a BIG Euro.

They aren't likely to go for anything that is can defend itself and to be brutally honest, they're gorgeous animals, but not too bright, nor too brave, so they're more likely to go for a small injured bunny rather than anything that requires effort.

Can I plead with people to call a local Falconry Centre (if there is one) first before those psychos at the Police or the RSPCA. Get a less than experienced RSPCA guy and that Owl will get injured, and we all know how rational the cops are.

Way to shill for Apple

"Of course, those of us on the outside will sit feeling superior, 'cos we can run any application we like on our virus-ridden, Trojan-infected, malware-stuffed, desktop computers"

Wow, biggest "Shilling for Apple" since "Stephen Fry and the iPad".

Look, not everyone wants to hand full on control of the family jewels to Apple. Just look at the level of puritanical dictatorship being demonstrated by the Jobsian State at the mo'.

We don't all love Apple, we're not all New Media Luvvies, and we're not all running "virus-ridden, Trojan-infected, malware-stuffed" systems. Deal with it, move on and next time, try for a little objectivity.

When do....

Blendtec get one!!!!

That way we can blend it, snort it and then just get the f*** on with our lives.

Cheers for the Friday giggles Lester!

@AC4 - Oh no

Look, no one is denying that McKinnon was a bad boy and broke the law. What people are saying is that the poor bastard is going to be skinned alive by a foreign nation in a manner disproportionate to his actual crime.

Worse still we all know this, our Govt knows this and we're handing him over on the grounds that the US said so. For us to try a US citizen we have to have proof, strong proof, before they hand that citizen over. The crime also will have had to be commited on UK soil. For them to "request" us to hand the ass of one of our citizens over the US seemingly needs nothing more than "because we said so".

This guy commited 2 crimes, both on UK soil (one was the hacking, the 2nd was to make the US look like a fool, and in yank eyes there is pretty much no greater crime), so he should be tried in a UK court. Not some bigotted, biased, political agenda ridden US Kangaroo Court.

Mckinnon did wrong, yes, I agree, but the guy is being sacrificed to NuLabour's "political expediency" and the so called special relationship (read UK bent over, US standing behind) between UK and US. Don't be so damn naive to think that UK Govt won't sell the entire population to Satan if it thought it would make for a nice life for them.

Yes this subject makes me angry....

Colour me confused

Ok, so this 50yr old woman set herself up on Myspace as a young boy (ish) - that counts as weird and sad in my book, but crucially, not illegal.

There is nothing in that article that says that this chick did anything other than befriend the girl in an attempt to find out if the girl was being mean about her daughter. Again, a little bit weird and sad, but also again not illegal.

The article DOES state that this 50yr old weird person DID NOT send the offensive message that seems to have triggered the 13yr old to hang herself. So if the Feds want to prosecute someone (which they seem to have a yen for) why not target the cretin who actually said "off yourself" to the kid?

The only crime I can see is one off questionable behaviour and gratuitous "saddo", so why are the first 4 posts on here baying for her blood?

Ding Dong (another) Witch is Dead...

"So, for the time being, we have no-one in effective charge of the government's strategies on ID cards, IMP, smart meters or, crucially, ensuring that Whitehall is up to speed with Twitter and the importance of turning their PCs off at the end of the day."

Now now Mr Fay, don't go confusing everyone. The above applies that someone was in EFFECTIVE charge. Frankly that useless shower of loonies would be hard put to be effective at anything.

The problem is who is Loonie Broonie going to replace this bunch of venal, unethical, butt ugly vermin with? Another bunch of venal, unethical but possibly marginally prettier vermin?

Pirates 'cos I can't see Paris or Bill dancing a jig, but I am getting to see lots of troughing vermin walk the plank!!!!!

Music & Media

Am I the only person confused as to why a psycho robot with a penchant for pretending to mistake a squishy human head for a rock is the Music and Media bit???

Music with rocks in?

Hmm... maybe unbeknowst to us all the machine was actually trying to do us a favour and take out a moron (who doesn't power down large bits of industrial kit when "repairing"???? Morons, that's who...).

Bo**cks to any form of overlords be they Robot or Gordons

The next "Bond Girl"

Ahh, I can see it now.. Frankly (with a silent L) McClueless.

How in the name of all unholies, does someone so god awfully clueless get to be any kind of sppok, whether they be 5, 6 or a nappy wearing SOCA "agent".

Paris - 'cos she'd make a better f***ing job of it.

re: @ AC @ Bonkers AC

What a load of tosh. I do hope making coherent and rational arguments isn't a part of your job AC.

If the guy had a knife, he'd have gone round and killed the family instead, only he'd have done it quietly. As the UK news testifies, it's not bloody tricky to kill someone with a knife. Pretty much anything inside the body is vital and once it's carved up it's bloody difficult to repair in time before the person dies. Stick the blade in, waggle it around and hey presto, something important just got damaged badly

If he not had access to a knife, he could have posioned them, beat them to death, suffocated them in their sleep. In cases like this where some poor schlemel like this loses it so badly he kills his kids, it's the mind that is the issue, not the method he used.

Besides, we have way stricter gun laws and it happens here.

My heart goes out to the relatives... this has to be the worst way to lose people.

To Bee or not to Bee

There's gems to be moderated????

Where???? When????? Bollocks, must have missed it.

Ahh, Ms Bee, that was very cruel and unkind..... and really, really funny :D

I know what it is.....

Ahh, our Sarah is an aesthete and lover of "American Beauty".... good movie if just a tad depressing at the end.....

Anyway, I've no idea why everyone is so puzzled when it's clearly a squadron of flying pigs on a special mission to justify Wacky Jacqui's latest expense claims!!!!

Pirates... 'cos in their heyday they weren't as crooked as a Politician in Nu Britain.

A Bird in the hand...

.. is worth two...

In the Aussie bloke's knickers...

See, now that just doesn't have quite the same ring to it as the usual saying. Mind you beyond "f*cking clueless fraggle" not much else to be said about the chap.

Hey Sarah... that's now El Reg's "Official Response"??? Outstanding :)

Oh and you owe me a new keyboard too......

Old News

Not entirely sure whether I like Obama, but McPalin just scared hell out of me. Talk about a bunch of illterate psychos!!! Also, did we really want another mentally unstable, gun toting OAP fucking around with "world diplomacy"? Much as I hate to say it, the actions of the Yanks internationally does affect us here in Blighty (negatively mostly).

Webby's off his meds again I see!

Umm, Weeby, you do realise that those "huge crowds" are a) paid for and b) just more brainwashed clueless tits like yourself who slavishly devote themselves to someone who is, frankly, dumber than a houseplant and not as attractive as the Republicans who like to believe.

On second thoughts, if President Obama upsets Webby that much, I think I kinda like the dude!!

To Vladimir Plouzhnikov & Shakje (in particular)

Guys, unless you are both world leading "experts" in Climate Change analysis, then I'm going to politely ask you couch your opinions as opinions and not facts. People like you are precisely the damn problem. If you are experts - who funds your research? Now see the start of the sentence regarding opinions.

Shakje, you say :-

1) Conspiracy? Never EVER trust "facts" which have been funded by an interested party. It has been PROVED that Academia has cherry picked articles regarding Climate Change. Academia is like any business, it needs money to keep going. If your pay master doesn't like what you did last time, he's not going to come back. So work is "tailored" to suit the paymaster on BOTH sides of the argument. You will never ever convince me that the Green Lobbists are anything other than as big a bunch of self interested, self absorbed lying bastards as the oil firms.

2) Majority of scientists believe in your viewpoint. Unless this backed up by independent cold hard facts, then it's a crock of supposition. Oh, and see 1)

Vladimir you tell us that "- there is no doubt it's due to human activity". In a word, bollocks. The whole argument here and in the Hallowed Halls of Science (be it bought science or independent science) is exactly about this fact.

Climate Change is indeed a fact. Wake up and smell the coffee or alternatively look out the window. HOWEVER, Climate Change has been a fact for god knows how many zillions of years. This planet has seen Ice Ages, droughts, entire swathes have been turn into deserts or forests.

Until someone produces some independent, thorough, unfudged research that supports this anti human actvity theory then I'm afraid I think it's all a crock amply abused by govt and industry to skin yet more cash. It's the latest bogeyman for us to be scared of and beg our overloards to protect us from.

On the flipside I'm all for recycling, energy efficieny etc but that's just me.

To lose faith you have to have had it in the 1st place

Dear fucking lord, are we so far removed from a proper form of govening that a simple DS can tell an entire country to fuck off???

Face it folks, we are buggered. City of London Police just green lit every piece of spying, corporate treachery, govt sleeze and corruption going. Frankly I feel feel sorry the people in the vicinty of BT's Legal office as their eardrums shatter from the shrieks of laughter coming from the Lawyers.

Is this a case of :-

a) Police Corruption

b) Police Incompetence

c) Police apathy

d) all of the above

Posting neither anony-mouse-ly nor in any hope that emailing my MP & Complaints at CoL will get me anywhere, but I'm still going to do it if only to irrritate him and the City of London Police.

PS Big Party round Phorm's Head Office.

Phorm - Phucking the Populace under Police Protection

@webster

Wow... I mean.. just.... wow.

That came soooo close to passing a Turin Test but nope, not close enough, you still rate as a fruit loop rather than a human.

There it is peeps, own an Apple or you won't be as pretty, sexy, successful, informed and intelligent as Webster.

Anyone want to lay money on Webby being in the Cult of Scientology as well?

Webby, it matters not whether a product is good or bad, merely how loyal it's customer base is. You can produce a piece of tempremental junk (TVR, awesome car, but hardly reliable) but if your customers are loyal enough they'll forgive the exceptionally regular trips back to the garage. Hence it doesn't greatly surprise me that Apple tops that poll, because let's be honest, when was the last time you saw someone trying to sleep with their Dell? I mean, no one gives a flying f**k what their PC is (ok no one that is semi normal) except Apple, so yes, they tend to give Apple inflated scores. Business-wise, they're no better nor worse than anyone else.

Mine's the one with "Marketing Pollsters - suck a tailpipe PLEASE".

@Solomon Grundy

"Line work isn't supposed to be skilled. It's supposed to be monkey work that anyone can do after a banana hand out session (i.e. training)."

Huh? Have you ever been in a semicon fab or an electronics manufacturing facility? Semicon fabs are amongst the most precise, expenisve and advanced facilities on the planet. They're fanatically highly controlled. Anyone "on the line" has to seriously know what the hell they're doing or chip yield plummets.

Even somewhere making electronics, your average line worker is hardly a McD Employee. Take soldering. Yes, any monkey can solder, but to do it well (ie to a MINIMUM standard of IPC610 or J-stnd-001), not fuck up a board and do it all day in a consistent manner, that takes training and practice which roughly approximates what we all call skill.

Just because these line workers are not skilled IT specialists doesn't been they aren't skilled.

Can you please avoid dissing manufacturing in this country - it's got enough problems without people like you demeaning it as "monkey" work.

@ Paul Bell

Ok, let's analyse that load of codswallop

"i suppose you've forgotten that these are the same arrogant buggers that bailed your ass out twice in the last century, "

Bailed implies you got involved out of the goodness of your heart. You didn't, you only got involved after you got a taste of what was going on and decided you didn't like it. As someone rightly pointed out, go check your own history on your associations with Germany, the country you "bailed" us out from.

"and from your fellow europeans too"

It was just Germany you tit, not all of Europe.

"- it's what friends do, isn't it? what's really your problem, mate?"

Friends do not drag each other into futile wars based on lies developed by obsessive regimes - Gulf War 2

Friends do not criminalise the entire populace of their one remaining ally - This whole "72 hour" nonsense.

Friends do not treat "special relationships" as a one way street.

Friends do not go witch hunting their friend's companies because they lost on an arms deal (your arms industry is as crooked as ours, if not more so) - BAe investigation..

So, do I need to continue on what our "problem" is mate?

Paris 'cos she knows all about being asked to bend over and have a special relationship.

@Richard

No, El Reg means "slated". It doesn't just mean "to pan a god awful idea of a movie because believe me it's going to be painful". It also means "to plan for a specific time or date".

I'm with AC on the "please dear god no..... "