Posts by Ishkandar

So who's reading the extreme porn...

...and why is he getting the bill for it ??

Does that mean that the NZ Plods'...

... quick probe was successfully concluded ?? Well, no one can accuse them plods of taking a very lax(ative) attitude to crime !! All's well that ends well, eh, lads ??

@Don't forget

Faraday *invented* magnetism ?? Damn, I knew I was worshiping the wrong God !!

If Gordon Brown said the world is round, I'd get want to get confirmatory measurements in TEN different ways before I'd agree to it !!

@Mono Ape - Them prophets didn't wear no underpants. They weren't invented yet !!

@Tom Welsh - "We dare say there's a subtle difference between the house painter and architect". How true, and there is no doubt which of the two is more important." - So true !! You only have to look at the damage done by a certain house-painter, with a tooth-brush mustache, from Vienna to know who's more important !!

@So what are you supposed to do while waiting several hours as they clear the wrong kind of fluff off the track? - In a word - bonk ?? It is a no-calorie, environmentally-friendly exercise that is relatively non-addictive and is also good for population control !! Post-coital ciggies aren't allowed on British trains, though !!

@James Dunne - Gordon bashing is not new to me !! Been bashing him since he was a Chancellor. He has been trying very hard to make micromanaging control-freakery into an art-form !! That's an anathema to my religious belief that good employees should be told what to do and then be allowed to get on with it !!

@George Schultz - you must not dismiss you illustrious president so blithely. After all, he bravely flew around in the skies over Texas defending those vast herds of cattle from attacks by the Viet Cong !! The fact that he can't tell where the Viet Cong were, even with a map with a BIG cross marked on it, is beside the point !!

Serves them right...

...for sourcing products from the renegade province !! They should have sourced good Made-in-China products !! Everyone else does and have no complains about the hardware quality. The same happened over the exploding(?) laptop batteries a few years ago that was the pride and joy of the NON-suicidal bombers !!

I would love to see the legal challanges...

...when they refuse to honour the warranty because THEY instructed the customer to replace their keyboard. Similarly, if they charge for the call out of their customer support to replace the keyboards that are *NOT* "fit for purpose" in the first case !! I can just visualise the teams of Dell minions scurrying all over EU fixing the keyboards and seriously hitting their bottom-line (in Septic-speak) or net profit before tax in proper English !!

I think selling 6-months Dell futures now might be a good idea !!

I'm sure that their "layers of security"....

...were cunningly designed to fox a lobotomised rabbit !!

@amanfromMars - Clear English diction !! Shurly an all-time first !! :-)

@Tim Worstall - Re. Nut allergy

The message - May contain nuts - does NOT have sufficient coverage !! E.g. it is not clearly displayed in both the Houses of Parliament !! Or the National Union of Teachers, either !!

@So if it was guns and not cannabis >>until someone drives over a baby whilst under the influence of cannabis<< I DO NOT condone cannabis but this statement is too extreme to let pass without comment.

What is the percentage of babies killed by skunked drivers compared to those killed by drunk drivers or those killed by joy-riders ?? Or those killed by drivers smoking or using a mobile phone while driving ??

I know Jacqui Smith resembles a lobotomised rabbit but she does not have to act like one !!

What nonsense !!

The Indian vultures have evolved and are now to be found haunting the Bombay (Mumbai) Stock Exchange and the various local equivalents of the yuppie joints in that city !! It seems like the pickings (pun intended) are better in those establishments !!

@Mike Richards - Indian feral dogs and rats have been running scared for centuries. They go into making good curries when times are hard, you know !! Even their fleas are running scared !!

@Sarah Bee - Extremely imaginative and highly intuitive name !!

@V.Srikrishnan

Strange you should mention the Kohinoor Diamond !! The Persians (Iranians) still want that back since you stole it from them some time ago along with quite a few other goodies !!

And, of course, we can't have filthy "untouchables" polluting the Holy Shrines of IT, can we ?? What will they think of next ?? Full equality for all ?? Can't have the lower castes rising above their station in life, eh what ??

@Viewing a crime?????

Have no fear !! Help is near !! Gordon had a brown-trousers night on Friday and by the end of the evening he "promised to LISTEN to the people", whatever that means. So if enough people yell at him about this, he might do something about this sheer idiocy !! His entire cabinet will be too busy back-stabbing and finger-pointing to do anything about this law(??) !!

Do I detect a Night of the Long Knives in the near future ?? Or perhaps the Ides of March, even !!

@Rotten UK keyboard

You've obviously never written a script in Unix using a pipe !!

@Herby - In the days of yore, when knights were gore, we had nice little things called "chip-pullers" which had a double function of pulling out key caps !! And there's nothing wrong with the VT220 keyboard. It's just like the VT100 keyboard, just thinner and less "clicky" !!

@Dazed and Confused - serves you right for using crappy HP keyboards. Nowt wrong with VT100s !!

@Corrine - to solve your problem, just buy a replacement keyboard from Tesco for the princely sum of £4.99 !!

@Ole Juul - Ah !! You must be in Australia !!

@Marcus Hook - Try a Chinese keyboard, mate !! They DON'T have an alphabet at all !! Then graduate to an "East Asian" keyboard that *supposedly* satisfy not just the Chinese (both traditional and simplified Chinese) but the Japanese and Korean languages and then tell me about crowded !!

@Dave Driver - Tough. So use ed or sed instead vi !! Children !! So spoilt these days !! When I were a lad.....

@BoldMan

No more lunatics in parliament ??

@Adam Foxton - Naw !! Tall (could be short, if Tom Cruise), blonde American (what else) hero convinces the inhabitants of Xena (the "newly discovered" planet) to send out hordes of scantily-clad Amazon warriors mounted on flying horses (Pegasi ??) who will fire nuclear-tipped arrows at Pluto and divert it into a terminal solar decay path. Hero manfully sacrifices himself as the love object of the Warrior Princess and he gets excommunicated by the Church of Scotland for having sex with a non-human (see other thread on Church of Scotland) !! He should have chosen a bagpipe instead !!

@Calm down, dear, it's only a comment.

Not much good sticking a woman into animal sperm, would it (aside from the size problem) ??

@Ted Treen - Waddaya mean "some mad sod will try it" !! Haven't you ever been to Wales; where men are men, women are frustrated and sheep are terrified !!

@brian

Have you read an ancient SF book called "To serve Man" ?? Much better than Footfall, et al (and I'm a Niven and Pournelle fan) !!

Anyway this will not happen because the US govt will put this to tender and accept the lowest bid from a crony ??). The costs start escalating (I was going to say sky rocketing but that would be a bad pun) and the US govt goes bankrupt !! Then some Indian metal refinery (no names mentioned to....) will buy that as scrap, melt down the lot and sell that to the Chinese who uses that to make gadgets to be resold back to the Septics at a vastly inflated profit !! A win-win situation for (almost) everyone !!

@trackSuit

Sir, you are sooo behind the times. Swiss, or even Liechtenstein, bank accounts are no longer secret !! Try the Cayman Islands or Curacao (ex-Dutch Antilles) !!

@Pyros - Weren't you guys supposed to be "Rebs", not "Yanks" ?? Not that I know much about that place except for the fact that Ol' "Hickory" Jackson fought off the Brits in the Battle of New Orleans and that the Congreve rockets were used for the first time in anger, which led to that line in your National Anthem about the "rockets' red glare" (Hollywood and Major Richard Sharpe notwithstanding) !! Or have I got that wrong ??

@Graham Wood - At the risk of being pedantic, Chris Colombo "discovered" Hispaniola !! It was Amerigo Vespucci who "discovered" America, hence that stupid name !! Who cares about a bunch of inconvenient natives running around that place !!

I wonder what would have happened if it was Pizzaro who "discovered" that place first ?? Would it now be called Pizzaria ?? And, God forbid, that is should be Ponce de Leon who was there first !! The innuendos will be endless !!

Ministry of Truth !!

>>MPs were told it was not possible to provide information on how many staff had that access, or how many had received training because such information "could be collated only at a disproportionate cost.".

Translation : I haven't got the faintest clue and I truly don't know how to get those figures !!

How do they define "User-role" and how do they cross-link that with security ?? Presumably everyone who has to work with the data has a user-role or are only 50% of them doing any work at all and the rest just sit around drinking tea and scratching their rear-ends ??

The reason why other countries do not have their equivalent of James Bond is that they just send in a few blokes/girls to mix with those data processing persons and patiently wait for the data to fall on their laps !! Don't need no feeeelthy "00" agents !!

But the Ministry of Truth says that there are *NO* data leaks and what that Ministry says *MUST* be true !!

@Tanya Cumpston

God !! You *ARE* a BOF (Boring Old Fart) like me !! Multics - purportedly the Ultimate Computer. When it went tits-up, some refugees from that project started some skunkworks and the rest, as they say, is the history of Unix and C !! Kernigan, Ritchie, Aho, Wienberg and gang !!

But would Mel be running around...

...wearing a skirt and painted in woad in this movie ??

@heystoopid - We, the inhabitants of the Marianas Trench, do seriously object to your slur on our home !! You should try living here where the local pressure is measured in tons/sq. in. !! I'd bet you'd feel a little squeezed !!

Ave Imperator !!

Gordon Brown has never allowed a few inconvenient facts cloud his judgment and gut instincts (and he has a lot of gut to do it with) !! Just like he conveniently "over-looked" the 5 million poorly paid people when *HE* scrapped the 10% tax band to try and buy the Middle England votes !! And now his vultures are coming home to roost !! So too will his latest brainwave to reclassify cannabis !!

He is not losing votes !! He is throwing them away by the bucketloads !! Meanwhile Red/Green/(Puce ??) Ken is desperately trying to distance himself from those debacles in his race to be the next London Mayor !!

@amanfromMars - You are actually making sense !! How bizarre !! :-)

Stop sprouting "extreme porn" or you will be arrested !!

Call you local PETA representative ??? That is an extreme act of masochism !! She looks like a demented gorilla in drag !! I'd far rather call those persons of a female persuasion that pose nude for their anti-fur campaigns !! A sight for sore eyes, them !!

@EU President opens probe

Ouch !! I hope he made liberal use of lubrications !!

Oh dear, poor, poor Microsoft !!

I'm sure they'll do better next quarter when Mr. Ballmer has thrown more furniture through those plate glass windows !!

@'Man-made' global warming is in fact a LIE!!

>>The same occurred during the medieval period. <<

I think that was caused by His Holiness Torquemada and the Spanish Inquisition burning all those heretics. All that greasy smoke wafting into the air and blotting out the sun !!

@Webster Phreaky - "Gulf of Mexico (where the Commie Chinese are drilling with our buddies the corrupt Mexicans). THOSE are the villans!"

Ah, now I understand. Americans drilling in the Gulf of Mexico are good ol' boys that are patriotically saving the nation but anyone else doing the same are villains !! And, of course, the US is relieving the poor Iraqis of their burden of an excessive supply of oil while those dastardly Iranians have not only refused to sell you any but actually have the temerity to quote their oil in EUROs instead of good ol' greenbacks !!

@Mike Richards

I believe that the 'Little Book of Euphemisms' was compiled by Long Dong Silver and is available at all good pirate bookshops !!

@Tom Kelsall

Please !! Do you have to use such absolutely sick imagery in a family-friendly rag like this ?? Who, in their right mind, would *WANT* to bite her ?? Even king cobras will die of poisoning !!

@Joe

They reduced the battery capacity so it wouldn't blow up on your lap !! The older battery was so over-packed that it had a possibility of catching fire in the least pretext !! However, a larger capacity less-packed battery would be greatly appreciated !!

@Sorry to be a pedant... You are right !! It was the High Lords of IBM that decreed that there will *NEVER* be any need for more than 640K !! They based this decision on the fact that the "New" IBM PC would be an uprated semi-autonomous "dumb terminal" intended to run with LU6.2 to connect to the "real processors" in the IBM mainframes/minis !! As with many things, the damn machines developed a life of their own and the rest, say they say, is history !! Various horrible means were used to bypass the IBM BIOS-imposed 640K limit and it was only when the BIOS was re-written by others that the limit was abolished !! American MegaTrend is one that comes to mind !!

@Volunteers Please.

>>If the PETA fanatics want to be so right-on, why don't THEY volunteer for slaughter.

They do say human flesh "tastes like chicken" after all!

That said, there's probably not that much eatin' in your average malnourished lentil muncher anyhoo.<<

Well if you think that, then you are very wrong !!

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/lifestyle/2008-04/23/content_6638672.htm

I'd certainly wouldn't need a second invitation to chew on all three of them, leaves and all !!

@David

Looks like that's not the only thing you are holding back. Maybe a bit more fibre in your diet might help. Otherwise, ten pints of lager and a good vindaloo will certainly do the trick !!

Mine's the one that says "I'm retentive but I'm not anal about it !!"

WTF ???

"Naturally, it will feature GPS, and allow fleet owners to track their vehicles, while allowing consumers to find their way from one drive-in to another."

Nobody in their right mind would want to go from drive-in to drive-in ! That said, there are plenty not in their right mind...