* Posts by Paul Hovnanian

1092 posts • joined 16 Mar 2008

Dutch birdman admits flight was filmic fantasy

Paul Hovnanian
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Paris Hilton

Next , you'll be telling me ...

... we didn't actually land men on the moon!

No Easter Bunny?? You b*stards!

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Charge of the Metro brigade: Did Microsoft execs plan to take a hit?

Paul Hovnanian
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What would Apple do?

So, how does Apple attract users to its various platforms? I'm no Apple fan, but OS X isn't iOS from what I can see poking around with the Apple store demo models. They don't appear to have shoved one unified UI down their user's throats. And that doesn't seem to be hurting them* in terms of either platform's sales.

*Admittedly, the Mac is a niche product compared to Windows. But they still have a loyal fan base around here. 'Here' being within spitting distance of Microsoft's Redmond campus.

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Finders of lost mobes can't resist staring at privates

Paul Hovnanian
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Devil

How else ...

... will I know I'm returning the phone to the correct person? Show me that private mole/tattoo/whatever hon' so I'll know this phone is going to its rightful home.

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Space FIREBALL over Blighty sparks hunt for rich meteorite

Paul Hovnanian
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Easy to find

Just follow the crop circles.

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Top Gun 2: It's happening - and the choice of star is stirring controversy

Paul Hovnanian
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Joke

Want to ...

... get the US' military aircraft people's panties in a bunch?

Arrange to have that Avro CF-105 you've got stashed fly through one scene.

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Windows 8: Sugar coating on Microsoft's hard-to-swallow tablet

Paul Hovnanian
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Joke

Hard to swallow?

If its running Windows, its a suppository, not a tablet.

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US shuts down Canadian gambling site with Verisign's help

Paul Hovnanian
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Angel

Never give up El Reg's .co.uk domain.

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Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!

Paul Hovnanian
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Happy

"you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice"

Seeing as how NASA uses a large "swimming pool" for zero-g astronaut training and in-pool (lake, ocean, etc.) hanky panky is already established art, so to speak, I'm sure the logistics have already been pretty well worked out. It'll be better, what with the elimination of masks, tanks and associated breathing apparatus, weights, buoyancy compensators, etc.

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Feds apply for DNSChanger safety net extension

Paul Hovnanian
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Meh

Why a complete shutdown?

Just start toggling the surrogate DNS servers to redirect to a warning site for a few minutes a day. Most users will just find this a nuisance and delay getting their systems fixed. So then increase the duration of the redirection slowly until it becomes a major pain. If some lazy morons refuse to clean up their machines, they can live with an Internet that works for maybe an hour a day.

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CRACK made by quakes FOUND ON MOON

Paul Hovnanian
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Alien

@Grubby

Aliens? And why are aliens using the same units of measurements as we do? It lends credence to the fact that Earth was colonized by aliens. And that they are still running things behind the scenes.

As if the machinations going on in Brussels wasn't enough to convince you that some strange, unearthly force was behind all the recent political activity.

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Man surfs slopes at night in LED suit

Paul Hovnanian
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@BigUglyDean

"Get outta the trees, STUPID."

Yeah. In the dark. With your night vision screwed up by your illuminated suit.

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UK crime-busters knock hiphop site off the Internet

Paul Hovnanian
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SOCA? Really?

So what's the reference to pro-music.org doing on the page? Is UK law enforcement in the habit of shilling for special interest groups?

Given the language and that strange reference, I'm thinking that this might be a fake.

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CERN boffins to lift LHC beam power

Paul Hovnanian
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Meh.

Call me when they crank it up to eleven.

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Microsoft to send users 4 critical patches on Valentine's Day

Paul Hovnanian
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Paris Hilton

They did it to us again.

And they still haven't taken us out to dinner first.

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Coming to a continent near you: America

Paul Hovnanian
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I see ...

... you folks managed to keep the British Isles and the mainland separated after all of this.

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Yahoo! chairman! falls! on! his! sword!

Paul Hovnanian
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They need leadership stability

I hear Kim Kardashian is available.

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ENORMOUS BACKSIDE FILMED FROM SPACE in moon flypast

Paul Hovnanian
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Backside of the Moon

Redundant?

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Death of IE6 still greatly exaggerated, says browser hit squad

Paul Hovnanian
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Facepalm

Lesson Learned?

Next time someone talks you into coding for a proprietary platform, you'll remember the last time it happened.

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Robot rabbits take on Facebook, female orgasms

Paul Hovnanian
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Big Brother

@Mr Templedene

By voice command today.

Just wait for the first hack when it can be commanded to do so remotely.

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World's first bamboo smartphone to enter production

Paul Hovnanian
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A British Student?

Nice job reverse engineering the case dimensions. If that's really how it was done.

Manufacturers (notably Apple) tend to keep specs for their products proprietary. Too bad. The aftermarket for such mods, cases, etc. for various products could really be interesting if they'd support third parties with limited* engineering drawings.

*Not enough to knock off your own product, of course.

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Man vanquishes robot cop in hand-to-hand combat

Paul Hovnanian
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Next time ...

... send in a Dalek.

Oh wait. Its a walk-up apartment. Never mind.

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Congress puts PIPA and SOPA on back burner

Paul Hovnanian
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Big Brother

SOPA/PIPA isn't needed

As demonstrated by the takedown of MegaUpload using current laws.

The fact that they haven't just thrown this legislation out as a silly waste of time indicates that there's another agenda in play here.

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American search team fails to find women's G-spot

Paul Hovnanian
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American Expedition

Probably turned back by cold weather and poor equipment.

Evidence of prior teams was found, although it is unclear whether they achieved their goal.

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Paul Hovnanian
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"We're just passing the tonsils. Nothing to report yet."

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MIT boffins devise faster Fast Fourier transform

Paul Hovnanian
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Joke

So the old way was a half-fast Fourier Transform?

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Apple wants to OWN YOUR VERY SOLE

Paul Hovnanian
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Unauthorized Clothes?

"In Cupertino style, users would be prevented from putting their sensors on unauthorised clothing. The patent application complained that people were in the habit of removing spy circuits from authorised trainers and putting them in unofficial items. Apple doesn't like that."

I propose a system of sensors that can freely be relocated to whichever brand or style of clothing you desire. Since this represents new and novel functionality that Apple does not claim, my patent trumps theirs.

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US military access cards cracked by Chinese hackers

Paul Hovnanian
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It sounds like what they are doing is capturing PINs and for use in a Trojan process that can then log into remote resources. So when you plug in your card to perform some (authorized) function, the trojan begins accessing other resources in the background.

"By capturing the PIN for the smartcard and binding the certificate, malware can silently use the card to authenticate to secure resources, so long as the card remains physically present in the card reader."

So they aren't stealing the card's credentials for future use. They are using your card in real time to access servers and other resources. A bad situation, since when security gets an alarm and comes over to your workstation to see what's up, you'll actually be sitting there with your card in the reader. You might only be playing Solitaire, but the logs will show data being copied to a server in China.

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1TB USB stick shoved into Swiss Army knife

Paul Hovnanian
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Too late ...

... to put this on Bradley Manning's Christmas gift list.

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Duff Russian Mars probe spotted flying in reverse

Paul Hovnanian
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Mushroom

Its a Ruskie plot, I tell ya'

"its atmospheric reentry is currently scheduled for mid-January," a reference to reports that the failed Mars mission should rain hot chunks of itself onto terra firma on or around January 15."

They're just cultivating a sense of complacency in us about having stuff fall on us from space.

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Arctic freshening not due to ice melt after all, says NASA

Paul Hovnanian
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Big Brother

In Soviet Russia ...

... a river runs through you!

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Boffins glue self-righting ROBO-VELOCIRAPTOR tail to car

Paul Hovnanian
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Devil

Dropping cats

Just get me some R&D money and I'll do the study.

My dog volunteers to assist.

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Paul Allen latest plan: Space rockets on MEGA PLANE

Paul Hovnanian
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Any truth to the rumor that Howard Hughes and his heirs enforced terms in the contract donating the H-4 for display that no one ever attempt to fly it again?

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Microsoft gives up on proprietary 2D barcode, accepts NFC

Paul Hovnanian
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Still the middleman?

"So Microsoft has extended its platform to use QR Codes like everyone else, and added support for URLs embedded in NFC tags too. Redmond will still host a redirection server (so the encoded URL points to Microsoft, who forwards the request while accumulating usage statistics)."

It sounds like Microsoft's app will still funnel reads of the various tag formats through the mother ship in Redmond. That's not something I'd be happy turning over to The Borg. So, sorry Microsoft. I won't be inviting you into the middle of my transactions.

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Microsoft seeks to woo developers with Windows 8 store

Paul Hovnanian
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W8 Release date

December 21, 2012.

According to the Mayans.

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New species of dinosaur discovered... in museum

Paul Hovnanian
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Mascot?

Anyone's hockey team in need of a mascot?

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Man's phone burns, toasts trouser region

Paul Hovnanian
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So, will Apple sue Samsung for copying their technology?

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James Bond savages the Kardashians

Paul Hovnanian
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Happy

@Married to Rachel Weisz ?

I particularly like the way she handled those Lamborghinis in "The Brothers Bloom".

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Toshiba readies zero Watt standby mode telly

Paul Hovnanian
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RE: Deception of the highest order

The power police will be around to your house checking that all of these potential power vampires are unplugged. They'll be the ones driving that big van.

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US Martian nuke-truck launches without a hitch, but...

Paul Hovnanian
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Meh

Don't worry

Those few telemetry dropouts are merely a symptom of the Martian Cyber Defense Force's successful insertion of Stuxnet into the system.

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Boffins reckon Mars quite blustery actually

Paul Hovnanian
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A piece of string

A piece of string tied to a vertical mast on a rover and we'd have the answer.

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Google flings Bing into search engine bin

Paul Hovnanian
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But Its Not Google

Bummer of an acronym there.

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US doctors demand right to advise on gun ownership

Paul Hovnanian
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Paris Hilton

Keeping things in perspective

Medical accidents: 2550 deaths? Doctors would do well to advise their patients to stay away from doctors.

Paris because 'The nurse will see you now' could take on a whole new meaning.

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Boffins build electric car from a single molecule

Paul Hovnanian
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Unhappy

Cupholders?

You expect me to take a car without cupholders seriously?

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Is the electromagnetic constant a constant?

Paul Hovnanian
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Red shift?

But looking at stuff with extreme red shifts means they are at extreme distances. And so we are looking at events in the Universe's distant past. Back then, alpha may indeed have been different. But it could very well have been different in the vicinity of the Earth as well. Back before the complex molecular interactions we depend upon were important. So it might be more accurate to say that we (and those distant aliens) happen to live in a time that is conducive to life. Not a region.

Some alien astrophysicist on a planet orbiting that distant star with (what we observe to be) anomalous red shifts doesn't see them now. But when he (I know, presumptuous of me to apply our gender specific pronouns to aliens) looks toward earth, he may observe the same differences from what he presumes to be essential for life. In our distant past. And writes our end of the Universe off as uninhabitable. And he thanks his local God for blessing his race as special.

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RIM backdoor access for Indian probers

Paul Hovnanian
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Paris Hilton

One more double entendre in that subject and you'll have to label this article NSFW.

Paris, because someone will have to explain it to her.

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Uncrackable quantum crypto undermined by new attack

Paul Hovnanian
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Lasers

And while you are worrying about the lasers cracking your crypto, you'll never even notice the shark chomping on your leg.

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Reg hacks confront really wide Oz load terror

Paul Hovnanian
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What happens ...

... when one of these double wide houses meets a mining vehicle or something of similar size going the other way?

The simple solution for the Solar Challenge would be to get a couple of military surplus armored trucks (ala Mad Max) to run interference for them.

No.... You move the house!

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Pumped-up radio telescope seeks new moniker

Paul Hovnanian
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Joke

Let the locals name it

RTMG - Radio Telescopio Muy Grande

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Silicon Valley's social tech formula doesn't add up

Paul Hovnanian
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Paris Hilton

MBA-speak

"we don't measure ourselves in conventional ways"

Neither do I, but that hasn't fooled any of my dates.

Paris, shedding a tear because .... well, she's been disappointed again.

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C and Unix pioneer Dennis Ritchie reported dead

Paul Hovnanian
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Didn't anyone remember to put him in /etc/inittab as a respawn process?

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