* Posts by Paul Hovnanian

1108 posts • joined 16 Mar 2008

Intelligence a genetic mistake

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A Genetic Mistake

Not to worry. We're hard at work trying to correct it. Give us a few more generations and we'll breed that tragic error right out.

UK Ministry of Defence eyes GPS patent payoff

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The US DoD project was initiated in 1973 and became operational in 1994. I purchased a handheld GPS in 1998. So what's with this patent cropping up in 2003?

Is the wheel still patentable?

Standing NEXT to an HTML coder is like standing NEXT TO GOD

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Like standing next to God ....

.... if God needed a bath, that is.

Steve Jobs' death clears way for Broadway star to play Woz

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will be played by Shrek.

Indiana cops arrest violent 6-year-old

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It's called "scared straight". The consequences of violence, or inappropriately acting out physically will be intervention by the local law enforcement authorities. This time, it may just be a ride to the police station, followed by the parents' picking the kid up and dealing with him at home*. Eventually, its going to be actual legal consequences. Better to let kids see this early.

*Its also possible that the parents might be a couple of losers. They could either laugh it off or, worse yet, give the kid their own beating. So the cops will get a chance to make contact with the parents at the hand over and assess the possibility of domestic problems.

From the Department of WTF: New USB tampon flash drive

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My wife (and all my other female friends) thank you. For giving the TSA an excuse to go poking around, looking for things in places that would have otherwise been left alone.

You don't think the criminal element doesn't already know about and make use of this (and other) orifices? Now they've got an excuse to go probing the general public.

'Attitudes to robot sex will change'

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Paris Hilton

Windows for Gigolos

Just watch all the complains when this O/S doesn't go down.

Hitachi spins up 'leccy fan motor sans rare earths

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At some point, recovering rare earth metals from scrap electrical/electronic equipment is going to start paying off. And we can stop shipping old equipment to third world countries where kids burn insulation off wiring in open fires to get the metal.

Judge: Checking Facebook at work is not a crime

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Big Brother

But I though that once my boss asked for my Facebook password


that maintaining my page was part of my job description.

Google plonks reCAPTCHA on Street View, makes users ID your house

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Re: Incorrect labling

Fine. Until you call for that ambulance when you're feeling short of breath.

Facebook accused of 'wanton' use of Canadian woman's pics

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Read the contract. Particularly the part about the disposition of your soul.

HTC sues fans for premature unboxing

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HTC Needs to protect itself

After all, if photos of their new phone slipped out early, Apple might have time to patent the shape.

Use the holy word of God to stay secure online, says bishop

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"People would ask for it and we would say; 'shhhhhh, it's secret'".

OK. How many 'h's in shhhhh?

Climate-change scepticism must be 'treated', says enviro-sociologist

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Big Brother

Isn't this the way the Soviet Union used to deal with dissent?


Amazon boss finds Apollo 11 engines on seabed

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Paris Hilton

Most powerful?

The F-1s were rated at 1.5M lb thrust (6.77 MN). One shuttle solid booster was rated at 2.8M lb thrust (12 MN).

It would be more accurate to say the F-1s were the most powerful liquid fuel engines.

Paris, because thrust and all that.

Actively cooled rocket primed for easy re-entry

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Tom Lehrer lyrics stuck in my head

'Once the rockets are up,

who cares where they come down?

That's not my department',

says Wernher von Braun.

Dutch birdman admits flight was filmic fantasy

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Paris Hilton

Next , you'll be telling me ...

... we didn't actually land men on the moon!

No Easter Bunny?? You b*stards!

Charge of the Metro brigade: Did Microsoft execs plan to take a hit?

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What would Apple do?

So, how does Apple attract users to its various platforms? I'm no Apple fan, but OS X isn't iOS from what I can see poking around with the Apple store demo models. They don't appear to have shoved one unified UI down their user's throats. And that doesn't seem to be hurting them* in terms of either platform's sales.

*Admittedly, the Mac is a niche product compared to Windows. But they still have a loyal fan base around here. 'Here' being within spitting distance of Microsoft's Redmond campus.

Finders of lost mobes can't resist staring at privates

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How else ...

... will I know I'm returning the phone to the correct person? Show me that private mole/tattoo/whatever hon' so I'll know this phone is going to its rightful home.

Space FIREBALL over Blighty sparks hunt for rich meteorite

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Easy to find

Just follow the crop circles.

Top Gun 2: It's happening - and the choice of star is stirring controversy

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Want to ...

... get the US' military aircraft people's panties in a bunch?

Arrange to have that Avro CF-105 you've got stashed fly through one scene.

Windows 8: Sugar coating on Microsoft's hard-to-swallow tablet

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Hard to swallow?

If its running Windows, its a suppository, not a tablet.

US shuts down Canadian gambling site with Verisign's help

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Never give up El Reg's .co.uk domain.

Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!

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"you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice"

Seeing as how NASA uses a large "swimming pool" for zero-g astronaut training and in-pool (lake, ocean, etc.) hanky panky is already established art, so to speak, I'm sure the logistics have already been pretty well worked out. It'll be better, what with the elimination of masks, tanks and associated breathing apparatus, weights, buoyancy compensators, etc.

Feds apply for DNSChanger safety net extension

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Why a complete shutdown?

Just start toggling the surrogate DNS servers to redirect to a warning site for a few minutes a day. Most users will just find this a nuisance and delay getting their systems fixed. So then increase the duration of the redirection slowly until it becomes a major pain. If some lazy morons refuse to clean up their machines, they can live with an Internet that works for maybe an hour a day.

CRACK made by quakes FOUND ON MOON

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Aliens? And why are aliens using the same units of measurements as we do? It lends credence to the fact that Earth was colonized by aliens. And that they are still running things behind the scenes.

As if the machinations going on in Brussels wasn't enough to convince you that some strange, unearthly force was behind all the recent political activity.

Man surfs slopes at night in LED suit

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"Get outta the trees, STUPID."

Yeah. In the dark. With your night vision screwed up by your illuminated suit.

UK crime-busters knock hiphop site off the Internet

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SOCA? Really?

So what's the reference to pro-music.org doing on the page? Is UK law enforcement in the habit of shilling for special interest groups?

Given the language and that strange reference, I'm thinking that this might be a fake.

CERN boffins to lift LHC beam power

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Call me when they crank it up to eleven.

Microsoft to send users 4 critical patches on Valentine's Day

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Paris Hilton

They did it to us again.

And they still haven't taken us out to dinner first.

Coming to a continent near you: America

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I see ...

... you folks managed to keep the British Isles and the mainland separated after all of this.

Yahoo! chairman! falls! on! his! sword!

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They need leadership stability

I hear Kim Kardashian is available.


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Backside of the Moon


Death of IE6 still greatly exaggerated, says browser hit squad

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Lesson Learned?

Next time someone talks you into coding for a proprietary platform, you'll remember the last time it happened.

Robot rabbits take on Facebook, female orgasms

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Big Brother

@Mr Templedene

By voice command today.

Just wait for the first hack when it can be commanded to do so remotely.

World's first bamboo smartphone to enter production

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A British Student?

Nice job reverse engineering the case dimensions. If that's really how it was done.

Manufacturers (notably Apple) tend to keep specs for their products proprietary. Too bad. The aftermarket for such mods, cases, etc. for various products could really be interesting if they'd support third parties with limited* engineering drawings.

*Not enough to knock off your own product, of course.

Man vanquishes robot cop in hand-to-hand combat

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Next time ...

... send in a Dalek.

Oh wait. Its a walk-up apartment. Never mind.

Congress puts PIPA and SOPA on back burner

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Big Brother

SOPA/PIPA isn't needed

As demonstrated by the takedown of MegaUpload using current laws.

The fact that they haven't just thrown this legislation out as a silly waste of time indicates that there's another agenda in play here.

American search team fails to find women's G-spot

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American Expedition

Probably turned back by cold weather and poor equipment.

Evidence of prior teams was found, although it is unclear whether they achieved their goal.

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"We're just passing the tonsils. Nothing to report yet."

MIT boffins devise faster Fast Fourier transform

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So the old way was a half-fast Fourier Transform?

Apple wants to OWN YOUR VERY SOLE

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Unauthorized Clothes?

"In Cupertino style, users would be prevented from putting their sensors on unauthorised clothing. The patent application complained that people were in the habit of removing spy circuits from authorised trainers and putting them in unofficial items. Apple doesn't like that."

I propose a system of sensors that can freely be relocated to whichever brand or style of clothing you desire. Since this represents new and novel functionality that Apple does not claim, my patent trumps theirs.

US military access cards cracked by Chinese hackers

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It sounds like what they are doing is capturing PINs and for use in a Trojan process that can then log into remote resources. So when you plug in your card to perform some (authorized) function, the trojan begins accessing other resources in the background.

"By capturing the PIN for the smartcard and binding the certificate, malware can silently use the card to authenticate to secure resources, so long as the card remains physically present in the card reader."

So they aren't stealing the card's credentials for future use. They are using your card in real time to access servers and other resources. A bad situation, since when security gets an alarm and comes over to your workstation to see what's up, you'll actually be sitting there with your card in the reader. You might only be playing Solitaire, but the logs will show data being copied to a server in China.

1TB USB stick shoved into Swiss Army knife

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Too late ...

... to put this on Bradley Manning's Christmas gift list.

Duff Russian Mars probe spotted flying in reverse

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Its a Ruskie plot, I tell ya'

"its atmospheric reentry is currently scheduled for mid-January," a reference to reports that the failed Mars mission should rain hot chunks of itself onto terra firma on or around January 15."

They're just cultivating a sense of complacency in us about having stuff fall on us from space.

Arctic freshening not due to ice melt after all, says NASA

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Big Brother

In Soviet Russia ...

... a river runs through you!

Boffins glue self-righting ROBO-VELOCIRAPTOR tail to car

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Dropping cats

Just get me some R&D money and I'll do the study.

My dog volunteers to assist.

Paul Allen latest plan: Space rockets on MEGA PLANE

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Any truth to the rumor that Howard Hughes and his heirs enforced terms in the contract donating the H-4 for display that no one ever attempt to fly it again?

Microsoft gives up on proprietary 2D barcode, accepts NFC

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Still the middleman?

"So Microsoft has extended its platform to use QR Codes like everyone else, and added support for URLs embedded in NFC tags too. Redmond will still host a redirection server (so the encoded URL points to Microsoft, who forwards the request while accumulating usage statistics)."

It sounds like Microsoft's app will still funnel reads of the various tag formats through the mother ship in Redmond. That's not something I'd be happy turning over to The Borg. So, sorry Microsoft. I won't be inviting you into the middle of my transactions.

Microsoft seeks to woo developers with Windows 8 store

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W8 Release date

December 21, 2012.

According to the Mayans.

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