* Posts by Paul Hovnanian

1128 posts • joined 16 Mar 2008

Computer error triggers mass rocket launch

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Its only fireworks

It could have been worse.

"How about a nice game of chess, Doctor Falken?"

US federal boffins insist that mermaids DON'T exist

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After a few months at sea, even a manatee looks pretty good to some people. Why spoil their fantasy?

Samsung fails to get Galaxy Tab ban in US lifted pending appeal

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Not available in the USA? Time for a quick hop over the Canadian border.

I'd better hurry before US Customs finishes training their Samsung-sniffing dogs

Second win for Apple as Galaxy Nexus sales banned in US

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Perhaps MGM should sue Apple for copying their tablet design from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Prior art and all, the copyright coverage of that design will last a lot longer than some patents.

First lady taikonaut and pals plunge into the dirt after space mating

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Scary looking re-entry. There was a shot of the capsule early in the re-entry phase with what appears to be some hardware detaching. Although this was probably planned, it is a bit disconcerting in the context of the Columbia re-entry breakup.

Microsoft's offices gutted in Athens arson attack

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Nothing to see here. Just an old XBox power supply.

Microsoft says tablets will trump PCs in 2013

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Battling the UI

I gave up trying that years ago, what with Aero, ribbons and the continual hunt for elusive menu items.

Obligatory bad car analogy: If GM kept moving their gas, brake and clutch pedals around every few model years, I wouldn't buy their cars (I wouldn't anyway, but that's another story).

Mine's the one with the Print function in this pocket .... no, wait, maybe its the other pocket. Or the other coat.

TERROR in SEATTLE: Gang of violent LEPRECHAUNS on the loose

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They say people go crazy when the moon is full:


This was enough to drive them completely bonkers.

Kepler space telescope peers at hot alien couple

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That's no moon!

Source code smoking gun links Stuxnet AND Flame

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"A lot of AV these days uses heuristics to pick up suspicious behaviour. The authors have widely agreed that tagging only known stuff is whackamole."

Which will work against virii that attack any system they are installed on. But for those that target specific installations, or don't hog resources on systems they inhabit, they could be difficult to detect.

Stuxnet could have been caught sooner by anyone running PCs connected to Siemens PLCs running Uranium enriching centrifuges. On any other machine, the virus lays low, possibly propagating itself to USB media or over the 'Net.

Smart meters are 'massive surveillance' tech - privacy supremo

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So they can tell what program your TV is watching? Big deal. My set top box is already selling that info back to the cable company.

I'd worry about meters that provide real time data which some tech savvy thieves can use to scan a neighborhood and figure out who is on vacation. Or during what times of the day your house is empty.

Lard-busting specs trick snack-happy Japanese

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Paris Hilton

The porn applications of this technology are almost limitless.

White AMERICANS will have become MEKON brain-men by 3000AD

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Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they expect me to comment on articles like this. Call that job satisfaction, 'cause I don't. [Sigh]

LINX 'downed by ethernet loop' on external network

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RE: warning to everyone out there!


People-powered Olympic shopping mall: A sign of utter tech illiteracy

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Hmm. They must have had WalMart in mind when they came up with these energy yield figures.


Microsoft will fiddle with prices as euro burns, UK biz fears

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Its not like Microsoft has to recover some costs incurred in the local currency. There isn't a mine somewhere in Whales were they have to dig up copies of Windows and incur the associated wage and overhead costs (its more likely Windows comes from under old outhouse sites).

Their marginal cost per Windows/Office license is close to zero. Pricing in each market is pretty much an issue of maximizing revenue in that market. Expenses are a matter of accounting gymnastics to spread the development costs across each copy sold. And we all know how easily MS (and other IT firms) can open branch offices and magically move chunks of expenses and revenues into markets with tax and/or exchange rate advantages.

So, what's with the screwball pricing structure?

WTF is... Li-Fi?

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Paris Hilton

Car to car

Modulate LED tail and/or brake lights to inform the vehicle behind you of a panic stop. An ad-hoc mesh network can relay such data back to cars further back.

Paris, because getting rear-ended could be a thing of the past.

Billion-dollar high-tech ghost town to run itself without humans

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SkyNet ...

... anyone?

Cloud data fiasco forces bosses to break out the whiteboards

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Not to worry

Our IT guys assure us that they've got backups of everything over on Megaupload.com.

There are clouds and then there are clouds.

Evil plot to control souls via Wi-Fi thwarted

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The Evangelicals think they own the copyright on crazy.

Intelligence a genetic mistake

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A Genetic Mistake

Not to worry. We're hard at work trying to correct it. Give us a few more generations and we'll breed that tragic error right out.

UK Ministry of Defence eyes GPS patent payoff

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The US DoD project was initiated in 1973 and became operational in 1994. I purchased a handheld GPS in 1998. So what's with this patent cropping up in 2003?

Is the wheel still patentable?

Standing NEXT to an HTML coder is like standing NEXT TO GOD

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Like standing next to God ....

.... if God needed a bath, that is.

Steve Jobs' death clears way for Broadway star to play Woz

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will be played by Shrek.

Indiana cops arrest violent 6-year-old

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It's called "scared straight". The consequences of violence, or inappropriately acting out physically will be intervention by the local law enforcement authorities. This time, it may just be a ride to the police station, followed by the parents' picking the kid up and dealing with him at home*. Eventually, its going to be actual legal consequences. Better to let kids see this early.

*Its also possible that the parents might be a couple of losers. They could either laugh it off or, worse yet, give the kid their own beating. So the cops will get a chance to make contact with the parents at the hand over and assess the possibility of domestic problems.

From the Department of WTF: New USB tampon flash drive

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My wife (and all my other female friends) thank you. For giving the TSA an excuse to go poking around, looking for things in places that would have otherwise been left alone.

You don't think the criminal element doesn't already know about and make use of this (and other) orifices? Now they've got an excuse to go probing the general public.

'Attitudes to robot sex will change'

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Paris Hilton

Windows for Gigolos

Just watch all the complains when this O/S doesn't go down.

Hitachi spins up 'leccy fan motor sans rare earths

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At some point, recovering rare earth metals from scrap electrical/electronic equipment is going to start paying off. And we can stop shipping old equipment to third world countries where kids burn insulation off wiring in open fires to get the metal.

Judge: Checking Facebook at work is not a crime

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Big Brother

But I though that once my boss asked for my Facebook password


that maintaining my page was part of my job description.

Google plonks reCAPTCHA on Street View, makes users ID your house

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Re: Incorrect labling

Fine. Until you call for that ambulance when you're feeling short of breath.

Facebook accused of 'wanton' use of Canadian woman's pics

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Read the contract. Particularly the part about the disposition of your soul.

HTC sues fans for premature unboxing

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HTC Needs to protect itself

After all, if photos of their new phone slipped out early, Apple might have time to patent the shape.

Use the holy word of God to stay secure online, says bishop

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"People would ask for it and we would say; 'shhhhhh, it's secret'".

OK. How many 'h's in shhhhh?

Climate-change scepticism must be 'treated', says enviro-sociologist

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Big Brother

Isn't this the way the Soviet Union used to deal with dissent?


Amazon boss finds Apollo 11 engines on seabed

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Paris Hilton

Most powerful?

The F-1s were rated at 1.5M lb thrust (6.77 MN). One shuttle solid booster was rated at 2.8M lb thrust (12 MN).

It would be more accurate to say the F-1s were the most powerful liquid fuel engines.

Paris, because thrust and all that.

Actively cooled rocket primed for easy re-entry

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Tom Lehrer lyrics stuck in my head

'Once the rockets are up,

who cares where they come down?

That's not my department',

says Wernher von Braun.

Dutch birdman admits flight was filmic fantasy

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Paris Hilton

Next , you'll be telling me ...

... we didn't actually land men on the moon!

No Easter Bunny?? You b*stards!

Charge of the Metro brigade: Did Microsoft execs plan to take a hit?

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What would Apple do?

So, how does Apple attract users to its various platforms? I'm no Apple fan, but OS X isn't iOS from what I can see poking around with the Apple store demo models. They don't appear to have shoved one unified UI down their user's throats. And that doesn't seem to be hurting them* in terms of either platform's sales.

*Admittedly, the Mac is a niche product compared to Windows. But they still have a loyal fan base around here. 'Here' being within spitting distance of Microsoft's Redmond campus.

Finders of lost mobes can't resist staring at privates

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How else ...

... will I know I'm returning the phone to the correct person? Show me that private mole/tattoo/whatever hon' so I'll know this phone is going to its rightful home.

Space FIREBALL over Blighty sparks hunt for rich meteorite

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Easy to find

Just follow the crop circles.

Top Gun 2: It's happening - and the choice of star is stirring controversy

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Want to ...

... get the US' military aircraft people's panties in a bunch?

Arrange to have that Avro CF-105 you've got stashed fly through one scene.

Windows 8: Sugar coating on Microsoft's hard-to-swallow tablet

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Hard to swallow?

If its running Windows, its a suppository, not a tablet.

US shuts down Canadian gambling site with Verisign's help

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Never give up El Reg's .co.uk domain.

Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!

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"you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice"

Seeing as how NASA uses a large "swimming pool" for zero-g astronaut training and in-pool (lake, ocean, etc.) hanky panky is already established art, so to speak, I'm sure the logistics have already been pretty well worked out. It'll be better, what with the elimination of masks, tanks and associated breathing apparatus, weights, buoyancy compensators, etc.

Feds apply for DNSChanger safety net extension

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Why a complete shutdown?

Just start toggling the surrogate DNS servers to redirect to a warning site for a few minutes a day. Most users will just find this a nuisance and delay getting their systems fixed. So then increase the duration of the redirection slowly until it becomes a major pain. If some lazy morons refuse to clean up their machines, they can live with an Internet that works for maybe an hour a day.

CRACK made by quakes FOUND ON MOON

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Aliens? And why are aliens using the same units of measurements as we do? It lends credence to the fact that Earth was colonized by aliens. And that they are still running things behind the scenes.

As if the machinations going on in Brussels wasn't enough to convince you that some strange, unearthly force was behind all the recent political activity.

Man surfs slopes at night in LED suit

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"Get outta the trees, STUPID."

Yeah. In the dark. With your night vision screwed up by your illuminated suit.

UK crime-busters knock hiphop site off the Internet

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SOCA? Really?

So what's the reference to pro-music.org doing on the page? Is UK law enforcement in the habit of shilling for special interest groups?

Given the language and that strange reference, I'm thinking that this might be a fake.

CERN boffins to lift LHC beam power

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Call me when they crank it up to eleven.

Microsoft to send users 4 critical patches on Valentine's Day

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Paris Hilton

They did it to us again.

And they still haven't taken us out to dinner first.

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