* Posts by Boris the Cockroach

1578 posts • joined 10 Mar 2008

Help desk declared code PEBCAK and therefore refused to help!

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Joke

Well these comments

just show one thing

Where the endless supply of fuck wits I have to put up with come from...................

<<<launches into a tirade about company recruitment policy.. IE snatch random people off the street

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New UK aircraft carrier to be commissioned on Pearl Harbor anniversary

Boris the Cockroach
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Facepalm

Re: err... no

And the repair depot at Pearl.

Without that everything would have had to have been towed back to the US to be fixed

Oh and the Submarine base.

In fact theres quite a lot of stuff the Japanese missed.... but then that was supposed to be hit by the third attack wave...... which the Japanese admiral cancelled after reading the reports of the first 2 waves....

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Universal basic income is a great idea, which is also why it won't happen

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
IT Angle

UBI is the future

So long as we can prise those offshore millions into the tax system.

Putting it simply in my case, a UBI would allow me to quit my unloved job and sign on with the local university and finally finish my degree, and then I can go on and try things I might to try my hand at before Mr Grimm turns up to see me about some reaping.

With UBI , you'd see the end of crummy employers treating their min wage workers as disposable scum, why, because they'd be able to go and find other low skilled work where the employers treat them as human beings.

As for most people, we all want a better tv/car/holiday/house so we'd carry on working regardless, however with UBI , employers would only have to pay people like me £10k a yr instead of £25k

But as with all wonderful ideas to make the people happy, it falls over for exactly the same reason as pure capitalism or communism falls over... human nature and its desire to grab more resources for the individual regardless of other people

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80-year-old cyclist killed in prang with Tesla Model S

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Eh?

Quote:

The telemetry won't lie.

Which is why both my motorbikes are fitted with cameras (called rather morbidly "My last five seconds" )

Their job is to record what I run into and what it and I were doing before hand (in case I get splattered by events and cant say anything)

Far as I'm concerned every motor vehicle on the road should be fitted with one (and a black box recording things like throttle/brakes/steering and gear), and you might see some better driving out there

As for the tesla.... a tesla car hit a cyclist, cyclist died.. thats all we know.

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Productivity through tech, UK firms. More cyber, more cloud, more ERP!

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Facepalm

CBI... Low productivty

Come on guys, you're the very people who cut back on training schemes resulting in low skilled workers

Also you outsource at a drop of a hat, and cheerfully hire 100 min wage workers instead of investing in high tech plant that can do the job of a 100 min wage workers.

And keep wages low so that anyone with any talent wont bother applying as they'll be earning 5K to 25K less .

So the low take up is caused by what exactly........... oh yes by C level manglement who are exactly the people making up the CBI.....

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Greenhouse gas-sniffing satellite to be built and tested in Britain

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: handleoclast Changing Climate

Quote:

Even if anthropogenic effects are not the main driver of global warming, minimising them will reduce the damage of global warming.

Which is the position of the mainstream green parties

Shame they all hate nuclear power even more than CO2 emission then.......

"Whats worse? 50 000 dead from a nuclear accident every 50 yrs or 500 million from global warming?" James Lovelock

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Metal 3D printing at 100 times the speed and a twentieth of the cost

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Whoopee

I'm out of a job

No more f***ing about with stupid robots/cnc machines or the attendent personel problems caused by low quality operators.... and as a bonus, when the demented designers upstairs come up with even more stupidily designed crap , they'll have the honour of running the machine that makes it so they can explain to the board why the part fails in service instead of blaming us lot in the machine room.

Boris

<<muttering darkly about the idiot today who insisted on sharp recessed corners on a part subject to high shock and vibration loads.....

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Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

From what I've

seen of elderly catholic priests, the only answers they should be giving the younger less senior ones is

DRINK!

GIRLS!

FEK OFF!

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American upstart seeks hotshot guinea pig for Concorde-a-like airliner

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: I've seen their site. The story does not add up.

And most of those noise objections disappeared when

A. people found out that concorde did'nt hang about once it had taken off

and B. Someone played the noise of concorde and another aircraft to a bunch of congress critters and pointed out concorde was the quieter of the 2 and the noisy fekker was airforce 1 ....

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Equifax execs sold shares before mega-hack reveal. All above board – Equifax probe

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Equifax directors got

lucky with their latest legal hire

Bob Massingbird

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Car insurers recoil in horror from paying auto autos' speeding fines

Boris the Cockroach
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Flame

The issue

with the speed limits is not that the car will get a speeding ticket or who will pay for it, but the car will get a ticket as a result of being unable to read the f**king sign because the council allowed greenery to grow out and cover it.

I'm looking at you west sussex council.....(also theres plenty of thoers out there...)

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UK industry bods: Re-train ONE MEEELLION manufacturing workers to deal with new tech

Boris the Cockroach
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Facepalm

Sounds great

doesn't it.

The usual key buzzwords, the usual glossy booklet, keen figures from whatever industry is involved.

And then, we get down to the basics.

And just like the health service, to get any results you need long term training , planning and investment.

(hint : training someone like me takes 3 to 4 yrs basic/apprenticeship followed by 4 yrs experience after wards) so thats the government less than interested as any result will occur during the next government.

And you can be sure theres no training budget from private companies because all the C level manglement will think is "If we train our staff, they'll want more money or they'll clear off somewhere else, but we can always outsource the lot of them, claim a stonking great bonus and clear off ourselves before the company goes titsup"

In short, another glitzy idea to con money out of the government without addressing the actual problems facing the modern workforce.

Which are

Job insecurity

Low wages

And Job insecurity.

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BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?

Boris the Cockroach
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Coffee/keyboard

!!!!!!

"And… he’s about to find out why we don’t put server rooms in the basement?"

"Yep," the PFY says, as he turns the key on the basement deluge control…

You lot owe me another keyboard.... and a pot of coffee, and a new chair because I've fallen off this one laughing and several 1000 pounds to cover the lost earning because I hurt my back too

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Even more warship cuts floated for the Royal Navy

Boris the Cockroach
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It seems we have some 68K civil servants we could cut instead of kit.

Because the majority of those civil servants are well paid, live out in suburbia, and more than likely to a man/woman vote tory.

Plus if you sack them all, BAe wont have a ready pool of 'talent' to recruit from......

Boris

Old enough to remember the local tory in 1979 saying "Labour want to close the dockyard and sack all 6 000 workers.. the dockyard will only be safe with the tories in charge"

1981

Fuck off the lot of you

1982.... erm those that have'nt left yet.. could you build up a taskforce for us on the double

1983 thanks for everything... and heres your P45

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UK's NHS to pilot 'Airbnb'-style care service in homeowners' spare rooms

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

Seems like a good idea

to me, I've got a spare room (actually its where I'm typing this right now, but I can move the computers out easily enough), its right next to the bathroom, so I'll stick my name down and get £1000/month

And once a week , I'll ask for another patient and another £1000/week

Due to the speed the civil/health service moves I think I'll be good for about 2 years before anyone notices that I seem to have several hundred patients...

Oh and my house backs onto a dogfood factory.....

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What’s the real point of being a dev? It's saving management from themselves

Boris the Cockroach
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I did my studying back then

in O-O at the open university (for those that took the first M206 and M301 modules all I'll say is .. the frogs... the frogs.... and then... the bacon aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

<3 hrs of therapy later>

I come from an industrial background, and to me O-O was natural progression from the module design I was used to using in CNC control programs (particually macros where you pass a series of parameters to the module and let it get on with it) and from Z-80 assembly programs where again I always used a module based technique

The OU taught that O-O was the next big thing, and we could forget all about the programming we'd done before, except for one minor and tiny tiny problem.

Its all well and good using the O-O design, but when it comes down to it, its just a way of hiding what actually goes on inside a class, but you've still got to program that class , AND make sure it cant be broken by bad inputs.

And then you inherit and extend, and hope to god what you've inherited does actually work.

Its good for a top down systems design, where everything is planned out in advance, but its no different to any 1 of a number of different programming techniques we have to use in order to get any code out of the door (or widgets in my case)

You always use whats best for the problem at hand, and thats what we always have to hide from the manglement when they're wandering around playing buzzword bullshit

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You can't find tech staff – wah, wah, wah. Start with your ridiculous job spec

Boris the Cockroach
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Facepalm

That

reminds of the junior sys admin job posted by the local council

"Trainee sys admin needed, good for a starter job, training provided, must have 5 yrs prior experience of sys admin in the councils IT department"

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BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Devil

When he does

have the accident with the shredder, just make the e.stop button is well hidden....

<<mutters darkly about a manager who got his tie caught in the cardboard shredder at a previous job....

6
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How many times can Microsoft kill Mobile?

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Hooray

No more windows mobile

Now... can we have a proper desktop on win10 that looks like win7/vista/xp/98/95

After all.. its only an update away....

<<<has been stuck in win10 hell all day and it looks .. to put it bluntly.. belgium... totally and utterly belgium

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Microsoft silently fixes security holes in Windows 10 – dumps Win 7, 8 out in the cold

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Blast from the past

Quote:

Now it's bugging me to upgrade again and I don't want to push that button.

During the 'free' win10 upgrade thing, I told everyone who used the win7 laptop not to press the upgrade to win10 button, because it buggered up the communication programs we use to talk to the robots/machines and we could'nt afford the downtime to sort it.

(plus I hate the win10 gui)

In fact theres only the CAD package we use and the accounting software that keeps us tied to windows, if we could get both of those on linux, we'd be off to redhat or something like it in 2 seconds flat.

Because windows is a flakey unstable pos.

Why else would one of the win10 laptops keep losing network access at random.

Its BSOD time "opps something has gone wrong :) please wait while we gather information for the next 30 mins... " fek off 3 fingered salute and reboot ... we've got work to do

It took m$ a number of years (win95/98 and XP, and win7) to come up with a winning formula... why did they change it?

Boris

<<wishing for win10 with the GUI and stability of win7

7
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Mattel's Internet-of-kiddies'-Things Aristotle canned before release

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

Phew

imagine the scene when certain parties get access to Aristotle

"Now then children... tell Aristotle if you heard mummy and daddy talking about politics, and then tell me if they used rude words to describe our leaders, because if they did, Aristotle could get you better parents who'll give you lots of sweets and candies and let you stay up for as long as you wanted"

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Sole Equifax security worker at fault for failed patch, says former CEO

Boris the Cockroach
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Joke

Well this

just proves that the CEO/CIO of equifuckup are worth every penny of their salaries and did their best to run the company for the benefit of its shareholders and to give great and timely customer service, we therefore dismiss all charges against them and they are free to go.

Bob the IT intern , you stand charged and have been proven guilty of allowing the hack by not updating stuff, therefore crashing the company and costing the shareholders millions of dollars .. oh and ruining the lives of millions of people, we therefore sentence you to 140 million life imprisonment terms. or the death penalty.. whichever you prefer

I think I'm too cynical sometimes.....

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30 strong fingers but still no happy ending for robotic back rub

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Terminator

Quote

This is all very silly: robots aren't like that at all. Rather than inadvertently switching from its default "Sew A Button" mode to a "Tear Limbs Off All Humans" subroutine that a mischievous programmer cut and pasted from GitHub, a real-life robot has different objectives.

Actually , when you get down to programming the bastards, you'll find that the "Tear limbs off all humans" mode is actually the default mode, and the "sew a button" mode take ages to sort out because any errors in the code and it goes back to default mode.

Which is why I need a new boss......... and a new apprentice........ well there was no way I was going to enter the cage and try and stop the bloody thing.

Boris

<<making do with zips and velcro

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Hotter than the Sun: JET – Earth’s biggest fusion reactor, in Culham

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

I made

some of the tiles inside the torus

Bloody horrible graphite/fibre mix that was a complete pita to machine.

Took over machining the facing plates on the diverters at the bottom too, previous guy to me kept asking for more material because he had'nt been supplied with enough in the first place.

Turned out he was altering the stock delivery cards and hiding the plates he was scrapping..

Ahhh the joys of making nuclear stuff... see icon

PS we found all the 'lost' plates behind the tooling cabinets when we decided to move everything around one day :)

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Spanish govt slammed over bizarre Catalan .cat internet registry cop raid

Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

Re: It's not that simple

Quote:

"Everybody knows it's still legal to kill a Welshman with a bow and arrow."

Only in Chester on a sunday... sorry

6
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SpaceX releases Pythonesque video of rocket failures

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Because

nobody will watch the weeks and weeks of blue screens followed by stupid smiliys going "something has gone wrong"

1
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UK Data Protection Bill lands: Oh dear, security researchers – where's your exemption?

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

So

the guy informing Iceland (in another el-reg story today) that their web security sucks would be committing a crime by finding out Iceland's web security sucks

And then another crime by going public with the information 12 months after telling Iceland their web security sucks.

Is this what is ment by "Security through obscurity"?

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El Reg is hiring an intern. Apply now before it closes

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Unhappy

I'd love

to apply, sadly theres no place for a tired old robot programmer with a liking for turning them into terminators instead of 'place widget A in hole B' type robots

Plus the fact a season ticket from here to the smoke costs 5K a year

2
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Boffins: 68 exoplanets in prime locations to SPY on humanity on Earth

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Given our

history of war/genocide/setting people on fire for not believing in the right sky fairies

I'd suspect theres no way aliens would even want to contact us and would setup an exclusion zone around the solar system to stop any casual vistor from arriving.

Imagine the damage humanity could do with the tech that could enable us to travel to the stars... e.g. taking a 100mm asteroid, accelerating it to 99.% of C and aiming at our earthside enemies.....

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Microsoft says it won't fix kernel flaw: It's not a security issue. Suuuure

Boris the Cockroach
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Trollface

Re: You are spoiling us Mr El Reg

I've been hating m$ for alot longer than 2 mins

And for many good reasons

50
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Scottish pensioners rage at Virgin cabinet blocking their view

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Silly really...

Quote:

no matter what you do to your existing customer base if you sell your product cheaply enough then muppets will always buy it.

OI Some of us have'nt got any choice when it comes to decent internet speeds... No way I'm going back to a BT openretch supplied murdoch offering... Yay you can have any speed you like, and indeed we'll sell you any speed you like , but dont complain if you only get 50K between 6pm and 11pm

4
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Sub plot subplot thickens: Madsen claims hatch fumble killed Swede journo Kim Wall

Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

Re: She was a journo ...

Perhaps she complained about the lack of headroom in the sub and he solved the problem by cutting off her head

(Originally used by one S.Baldrick to solve the problem of his mother's low ceiling)

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Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

Hes

making it up as he goes along

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Smart meters: 'Dog's breakfast' that'll only save you 'a tenner' – report

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

And it does'nt matter

how smart your meter is... since we're all moving to 'lleccy cars and have to rip out most of the underground cables in order that they dont melt down under the load at 3am of 100 cars recharging......

The only use I have for a smart meter is that they are proof that humans can take a basic problem and come up with some god awful solutions....

7
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Retail serfs to vanish, all thanks to automation

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Facepalm

Good news

for the educated among us

Crap news for those (and theres lots more of them) who aren't educated

PS... if the vast majority are unemployed, just how are they going to spend money buying tat from robot staffed warehouses?

3
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Terry Pratchett's unfinished works flattened by steamroller

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Happy

My favourite Pterry quote is

from Guards Guards, where the said guards arrest a man whos just seen a dragon burn all his not so evil associates to death

"Cant we do something for the poor man" Said Lady Ramkin, as he stood there shivering with fear

"I can kick him in the bollocks" replied Nobby

One from the 'SPG' style of policing ....

Best book

"Small gods"

Burn me over an iron turtle if that is'nt true

4
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Microsoft's fix for web graphics going AWOL? Disable your antivirus

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Re: Is IE still a thing?

Only for downloading better web browsers when using a windows PC for the first time

25
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WannaCrypt NHS victim Lanarkshire infected by malware again

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

Re: "Plus public sector IT has been an easy target for cuts for years"

Quote:

"Still, I would like to see how the budget was spent..."

Item 1. Office refurbishment for the management including new desks/chair/blinds and new paint(Ok it had only been done 2 yrs previously but it was starting to look worn out)

Item 2. New PCs for the management, because they were starting to look worn out (the arrow on the return key was faded)

Item 3. Training the management to use the new PCs

Item 4. Getting several contractors to re-install windows after 1 of the managers gets a virus

Item 5. Several surveys of NHS trusts to find out how they coped with viruses(hotel stays and full expenses included... strange how the surveys were during the summer and in Cornwall/West Wales)

Item 6. Drawing up a report for the senior NHS manglement recommending that the NHS increases the number of in-house IT staff, making a disaster backup plan and training all staff to use the NHS computer systems properly

Item 7. Buying a shredder and inserting said report into it as thats cheaper and quicker than doing item 6.

There... I think that just about covers it

10
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Nasty firmware update butchers Samsung smart TVs so bad, they have to be repaired

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: This was bound to happen

Quote: DON'T BUY SMART APPLIANCES!

You wont have a choice soon as they'll be needed to talk to your new spiffy smart electric meter... so they can shut you down if you :

A forget to pay the bill (somewhat likely)

B. they forgot to build enough power stations(very likely)

Besides if they can see the TV is'nt on, they know you could be doing something subversive ......

like writing an illegal journal in the one spot the televisor cant see..........

10
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10% of UK's top firms would be screwed in a cyber attack – survey

Boris the Cockroach
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Holmes

Re: Bored level?

Or more likely

"we fired that area of the business as it never made us any money"

6
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UK.gov to treat online abuse as seriously as IRL hate crime

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

So,,, criticising

the 3 major religions that worships one god

can be described as

1. fair comment lets ignore it

2. online hate speech worthy of a fine

3. online hate speech with genocide worthy of a prison sentence

Depending which one you criticise and the mood of the bored plod whos having to listen to the umpteenth complaint that day.

Perhaps its better if I dont say anything bad about religion.......

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT THE B*******DS WANT YOU TO DO

Can you imagine the court cases where the nazi is whining that his twitter feed is full of "f. you nazi" and goes on to win?

6
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Oh, boy! Uber investors behind CEO sueball say Travis Kalanick won't let the company grow up

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Re: So, let me count the ways . .

You forgot to add "making a tescos cheap pizza last from monday to thursday"

Or was that just me?

And i'm not shedding one tear for the "boo hoo I've got it hard" generation either

Especially since I'm a graduate of "earning too much to qualify for benefit and help with uni fees, but having to live on 30 quid a week because they cant take my uni fees into account when calculating if I qualify for benefit"

Next .. on a lighter note

4 yorkshire men

2
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Commentard Quizwall experiment ends with more quizzing than commenting

Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

Re: OutRageUs

Its the results of brexit... bet them old foogies dreaming of WW2 and empire didn't expect that

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Google and its terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week in full

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
IT Angle

Re: Kieren, thank you for avoiding profanity this time

Actually, I've found that black and asian people can be just as vile and racist as us white folks.

To suggest that they cant be is in itself , racist and discrimatory..

And wtf are we on about in a pointless and boring discussion about sex and race when everyone turns red when you get 5mm inside and if you go any deeper, you find green and purple tubey bits.

FFFFFSFfsfssssssss and pass me the chanti ....

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WannaCry-killer Marcus Hutchins denies Feds' malware claims

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

Perhaps

he should name the NSA as co-defendant....... especially since they created the malware that wannacry exploited....

More seriously, never share code on the internet is the lesson for us all now, especially if you travel to the US.

After all, someone can take your code, combine it with someone else's , then stir in their own and bingo.. a key logging trojan.. that you can be collared for.

And if you're unlucky enough to be collared in the US like this guy was , always remember one thing.

Even though your an ebil thieving malware code slinger(in the cops view)... the bill of rights applies to you just as much as any US citizen.... so 5th amendment and make sure you have a lawyer when you're interviewed.

Why else were terrorists waterboarded in cuba.... because it would have been illegal in the USA......

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WannaCry-slayer Marcus Hutchins 'built Kronos banking trojan' – FBI

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Proportionality ...

The reason for the huge sentences in the US are 2 fold

1. Is to get the perp to squeal in return for a reduced sentence

2. because the US still relies on the for profit prison industry to supply it with cheap labour... why else would over 2 million people be locked up in the 'free' USA

9
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'Real' people want govts to spy on them, argues UK Home Secretary

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

Real people dont

need encryption

Well, the next time she goes online shopping she can post her credit card details, and everything else needed for the order in plain text to the supplier.

After all.. REAL people dont need encryption.....

PS what is it about the home office that turns regular politicians into outright fascist b*****ds?

19
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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Boris the Cockroach
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IT Angle

Re: Grooming habits... or lack thereof...

Quote:- On the other hand I know they are paying for that with a long, lingering and agnoising death so I hold my breath as best I can and limp past when I need to.

Best anti-smoking ad I've found was one night in the MAU at the local hospital(I was there with repeat chest pains) and there was a guy there about 60'ish sounding like he was drowning.... gurgle gurgle gurgle

Then a nurse would turn up and turn on the suction pump and he could breathe for a bit before going back to gurgling.

Should play that noise back to the kids who think smoking is cool with a note saying "this is how you'll die if you smoke"

3
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Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

Boris the Cockroach
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Boffin

The power

output of the sun is rising (well its surface temperature is)

In about 1.5 billion years time it will be enough to get earth's average temp to about 60-70 degrees c..... at which point it stops raining and all the water in the oceans ends up in the atmosphere very rapidly.

This increases the green house effect and air pressure at the surface resulting in a runaway action and earth ends up like venus.

Surface temp 400c+, pressure 90bar+

Enough to fry all life... even Keith Richards

14
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Zero accidents, all of your data – what The Reg learnt at Bosch's autonomous car bash

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Its the edge cases

That will kill people

99.99% of the time, you're going along happy and cheerful, you've started off, joined a main route and now you've stopped at your destination without ever really having to be anything than an alert passenger

That 00.01% of the time, your pilot side pitot tube has had tape left on it and the aircraft software cant decide how fast you are going, never thinks to check the input from the co-pilot's side and your spiffy airbus does a nose plunge into the sea as the pilots cant decide what the hell the flight software is on about.

If aircraft flight control software can throw up that sort of glitch WITH all the testing that goes on, you've got f all chance of getting me inside one of those cars.

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