* Posts by Boris the Cockroach

1831 posts • joined 10 Mar 2008

Tens to be disappointed as Windows 10 Mobile death date set: Doomed phone OS won't see 2020

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Tester? sorry but m$ dont employ anyone with the word 'tester' in the name .. or job description..

See win10 updates for further details....

Having AI assistants ruling our future lives? That's so sad. Alexa play Despacito

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother


brother has an alexa...

God its annoying.... knowing full well its listening in to your chat, and waiting for the 'alexa' keyword before responding.

And its nothing like an AI assistant.... because that pause between you giving it the command and it actually doing something is where its sending your voice data to god knows where, processing it and sending a command back.

But its going to be a boon for law enforcement

"Alexa.. play back the last 12 hrs of conversation at number 11 Acardia avenue"........ And you wont even need a warrent

Cortana and Search to innovate separately in an amicable Windows 10 Insider split

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


taking cortina out the back of the remond campus, shooting it in the head and burying under the rubble of the buildings they're gonna replace

Then pretend "Cortina... naww mate never heard of her"

we could only wish......

Army had 'naive' approach to Capita's £1.3bn recruiting IT contract, MPs told

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Actually...


I believe its just another tory myth that public services are inefficient - as outsourcing proves time and time again.

I worked for the government once a long time ago in hush hush navy work, the amount of overtime I had to sometimes put in to get defective kit upto scratch was amazing... kit supplied by outsourcing of work to private contractors.. most of whom were paid more than we were.

But the real reasons for tory outsourcing was the destruction of unions, and that there wouldn't be so much to pay in terms of sickness/holiday/maternity/pension if you did away with as many local and national government workers.....plus the remaining ones would be the midddle manager/accounts/lawyer types who would more likely vote tory than those awful working class bin emptiers who always voted labour

Sadly , as network rail proved, you cant just sack all your staff and hope the private sector will be upto the job.......

Yes, you can remotely hack factory, building site cranes. Wait, what?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Not good


Though you would hope that the controller itself would prevent some of the dangers as part of its functional safety management.


Speaking from the industrial robot side of things, its not that easy to program a safe working envelope into something like that.

I might put a vice or a fixture up measuring 400mm by 300mm by 200 mm tall, I'd then have to go into the machine setup and program the correct parameters up, then the next part is a different size, or placed on the machine 50 mm from where it was before....... scale that up to a building site and the crane would need to know where the brick pallets have been stacked, then hope that whoever delivers the next batch of bricks lands the pallet in the same spot.. because the machines dont know and dont care theres 1/2 a ton of material in the way......

And humans are very squishy

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Oh God


The Berlin Wall was never meant to keep East-Germans from getting out. It was built to protect the GDR from fascist and capitalist bad hombres from the West, of course.

Which is why the tank traps would stop a vehicle driving from east to west.....

Cant someone build a replica whitehouse, move trump in there so he thinks he runs the country while the adults stay in the real one and actually run the country...

Begone, Demon Internet: Vodafone to shutter old-school pioneer ISP

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I used

to play on the demon team fortress classic servers, badgered to work as one of their admins, great times were had by all as we ruthlessly enforced 'the rules' while having great larks blowing each other to bits.

Its strange to think that long after valve switched over to their 'steam' system that the demon TFC servers stayed up configured under the old way(that I cant remember) and remained up and running for ages....... although I suspect it was 2 odd boxes at the back at the server room that had signs on saying not to be turned off... or something

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

If the government

were serious about 'protecting the children' then they'd bring in laws that snatch children away from their parents as soon as they are born and then raised in state creches and nurseries.

After all... 95% of all abused children were ABUSED BY THEIR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS

I'd better shut up... some dimwit politician will see this and think "Thats a jolly good idea....."

Windows 10 Insiders sent on quest deep into Registry to fetch goblet of Reserved Storage

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Whats the

betting that after reserving that 7 gb of disk space for itself , windows decides to download an update thats bigger than 7 gb and then falls over as it runs out of space... or.... some keen techie has a look in the reserved disk space after 6 months and finds windows has stored nothing at all there......

Cynic? me?

Smartphones gateway drug to the Antichrist, says leader of Russian Orthodox Church

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: I'm changing my wake word...

Oh great I just read that aloud and now I have tentacled thing sitting in the bath....

Oh well if you cant beat them... you may as well join them

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Pity they

couldn't set fire to the building first after locking the QA team inside.....

Note for the sensitive about to flame me: M$ doesn't have a QA team judging by the qualities of the latest updates....

NHS England claims it will be all-digital within the decade

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: As with all things this could be great if done properly

Done properly , it would be a boon and a great cost saving to the NHS.... sadly the contract will goto crapita.

Oh and the video call with your doc sounds great.. but you'll still have to face the wait until he can call you.... at his time..... and then some bright spark decides to out source your GP to somewhere else because its cheaper.....

SpaceX's Crew Dragon shows up at pad 39A, nearly 8 years after the last Shuttle left

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Quote:If we're going to have a test of whether the escape system can work on rocket failure - I'm going to be very sad if they just simulate that failure. I would much prefer to see a launch where NASA have strategically sabotaged the rocket, so that it will explode at an unpredictable time - thus fully testing the systems in question - and entertaining us with large fireworks.

SpaceX have already done the pad abort test. fun watching the capsule goto 300 mph and 1500 ft in a couple of seconds.

The inflight abort test (coming soon)is strapping the capsule to a falcon 9, launching the thing, then hitting the abort button at max-q

Whether the falcon 9 can still land.. or be intact after this is anyones guess

boeing have done neither test....

And of course, the timing of everything depends on how long it is until trump has finished having his tantrum.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I hate the new

layout things and threads....

Apart from that I love el-reg and its exclusive hand biting articles(more please) and its zany bootnotes stuff, but best of all

Please please please... more BoFH.. please.

There is so much he can teach us mere mortals.

Oh and more icons please

It's 2019, the year Blade Runner takes place: I can has flying cars?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
IT Angle

But in a lot

of ways we've created the world of Blade runner already, the over crowded and polluted cities, the corrupt politicians, the CEOs with no regards to ethics or morality, with only a lust for hoarding more moeny.

But then you could have said that about ancient rome , so not much has changed in the past 2000 years

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Cooking Basmati

Re: those microwavable bags of rice

Is it edible? being your question , I would rather eat a stir fried cushion than another one of those bags of 'rice' heck even the MREs so beloved of the military taste better than that crap.

Anyway... if you're spending 15 mins doing a quick curry, you may as well chuck some rice on to cook properly.... then turn it into egg fried rice when the curry is done....

Microsoft's 2018, part 2: Azure data centres heat up and Windows 10? It burns! It burns!

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: ... and people ask me why I use Linux exclusively


My point is, these issues are terrible and all that, but how widespread are they really? How many people are actually affected by all these issues?

The point is not how many people are affected by the issues with the update, but that fact there were issues with the update due to the lack of quality control.

I make parts for aerospace hydraulic controls... imagine the fun if we skipped our QA, then the customer builds the actuators with no QA either.. eg pilot pulls back on stick, plane climbs... push stick forward... plane climbs...

Software engineering needs exactly the sort of QA that physical engineering uses because the methods of production are exactly the same, you cant just take a shortcut and hope everything is alright because both types of engineering are created by us flawed humans because the 'deleting user files' cockup of 1809 should have been caught by m$'s own QA department BEFORE it got anywhere near release.

Anyway, my new year dream for 2019 is that m$ re-hire all those QA testers they fired and stick the win7 gui on win10.... sadly I suspect we're more likely to get the last one than the first ....

Your mates vape. Your boss quit smoking. You promised to quit in 2019. But how will Big Tobacco give it up?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
IT Angle

Look out

here come the health nazis with their controlling chant of "its for your own good"

Given I work somewhere that used to have 10 smokers and now has 8 vapers (2 quit completely) , I would sing the praises of the vapers for the facts that I dont have to breathe second hand smoke, nor have clothes that stink of smoking, and dont have to clean cigarette butts off the floor.

Plus the fact that those vapers are now getting their insect posion kick without as much risk of lung cancer, heart disease and other health problems associated with smoking.

But thats not good enough for the health nazis because with a sort of healthy alternative to smoking, they'll lose their power (unless theres another health problem they can try and kick with banning.. sadly banning booze ends really badly (see USA 1920-1933)) because the phrase you have to remember with those people is

from C.S.Lewis

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

An upset tummy and a sphincter-loosening blackout: Lunar spaceflight is all glamour

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Lunch from both ends?

Another no for ginger here

I used to suffer from motion sickness in cars and nothing I was ever given cured it.

I'd even throw up in my sleep ....

Only thing that cured it was riding a cross channel ferry overnight through Biscay..... on a night when it was blowing between 9 and 11 ..... needless to say everyone was sick even the 20 yr crew veterans.

And we were locked inside because it was too dangerous to go on deck...... ewwwwww

Trip back was almost as bad, strangely I was fine and have been ever since..

<has a few more tales of the sea from his working for the navy days

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Fake news! The moon landings were a hoax!

Sorry all that lot appeared in "weekly world news" long before reddit was even concieved

Microsoft's 2018, part 1: Open source, wobbly Windows and everyone's going to the cloud

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Re: nice summary so far

Well given the article only covers the first 6 months of 2018, I suspect theres enough material covering M$'s failures in the 2nd 6 months of 2018 for another 3 articles....

Perhaps sending the Challenger disaster report to M$ might be a good idea, if only to show what happens when management with preset ideas think they know better than the engineers that designed the thing and the laws of physics...

Apple yanks iPhones from sale in Germany – and maybe China, too – amid Qualcomm spat

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Pass the


This looks more fun than staring out of an airport terminal building....

On the first day of Christmas, Microsoft gave to me... an emergency out-of-band security patch for IE

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Good news everyone

well for everyone who doesn't use an m$ product to surf the web or read e.mail

for everyone else


Microsoft: Come and play in our Windows SandBox

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

And how

long before the news headline "You know that m$ sandbox you thought was safe... well guess who has all the data from it... thats right... everyone!"

Brexit-dodging SCISYS Brits find Galileo joy in Dublin

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Re: != Brexit dodging


I am currently working for a UK company which is owned by a company HQ'd in Germany which in turn is owned by a company HQ'd in the Netherlands.

Which ends up playing less corp tax than companies stuck fully in the UK.

Its that sort of corporate piss taking that encouraged quite a few to vote out.... especially when you're a low paid PAYE employee who cant get out of paying any taxes ....

'Bomb threat' scammers linked to earlier sextortion campaign

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: The gang that could not shoot straight

Quote: They upped their game from fraud to terrorism with all the expected legal consequences.

And all the expected extra-legal consequences of course, and all the consequences where the legal profession is not involved at all (although the human rights people may complain that leveling 14 city blocks was perhaps.. a tiny bit over the top)

Spending watchdog points finger at Capita for 1,300 shortfall in British Army rookies

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: How?

It takes a lot of skill and dedication to be able to build an efficent system capable of coping with 100s of transactions a second

Crapita dont have that, so thats why they charge so much

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Bah!


Raspberry Pis to swamp Redmond's digital ear trumpet with (to them) misleading gibberish.

Given the latest quality of updates, I'd say m$ are flooding themselves with misleading gibberish and have no need of assistance....

Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Unfortunately...

What those in charge are doing are pandering to the 'daily wail/the stun" reading sections of the population.


To get them to vote for the incompetent bastards under the guise of "we're protecting the kids" from all the evils of the internet, and with your kids protected , nothing harm them.

Nothing at all... what? they cant access a sexual education/sexual health site? well they're 14 and shouldnt know about such stuff anyway......

Microsoft, you shouldn't have: Festive Windows 10 Insiders build about as exciting as new socks

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

A CLI??????!!!!!

What is this sourcery? a linux build or something?

Or an admittance by m$ the only way to fix the steaming pile of poo that is win10 is a CLI and not the shiney happy GUI we've come to know and loath

Privacy, security fears about ID cards? UK.gov's digital bod has one simple solution: 'Get over it'

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother

But you need

ID to access things like the NHS.....

OK... this is the chat had when I had a TIA and managed to get a friend to come round and help me.

<m8> This is Boris, he managed to call me, found him collapsed on the sofa with a severe headache and unable to speak, I called 999 instantly

<paramedic> hello Boris. blah blah blah... nope... very confused and unresponsive, you got his full name and DoB?

<m8> yupp its ******* ************** and dob is ********

<paramedic> ok details done... lets get him to hospital ASAP

The hospital took those details and was able to look up my medical record including what drugs I was on and what treatment I'd had in the past few years..


Anyway... the bunch of numpties in parliment cant even organise a brexit so whats the chance with something simple like an ID card project?

And knowing this sort of project how long before it says "Buttle" on the arrest warrent when you're really after a guy called "Tuttle"?

"We've got the right guy and we have the ID card to prove it"

Ecuador says 'yes' to Assange 'freedom' deal, but Julian says 'nyet'

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

What will mostly

likely happen when they finally get sick of him and move the embassy 4 doors down the street in the middle of the night without telling Julian is that the british police will arrest him, he'll get charged with bail jumping and done for that, at which point we'll ask the swedes if they want him, if its yes , he'll be sent there post haste, if no, the US 'may' ask for him to be sent there.

In all cases , he'll fight it in the courts as far as he can, but due to jumping bail the first time , he'll be deemed a flight risk and held on remand.

Assuming neither sweden or the USA want him, he'll get deported to Australia so he can go relive old times by locking himself in his mom's basement with nothing but a mobile phone and a cat for company....

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Thumb Up

This shows

there are still things I must learn.....

Incoming! Microsoft unleashes more fixes for Windows 10 October 2018 Update

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Well I'm

off to apply to m$'s new quality control department

Just need to learn howto write using crayon to sign off the QC report

And spell 'tested' correctly

Apart from that.... I've no other software qualifications........ just like m$'s current kwality control department...

Awkward... Revealed Facebook emails show plans for data slurping, selling access to addicts' info, crafty PR spinning

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I'm on faceborg

And signed to be a mindless drone.

Actually its to stay in touch with old friends who've scattered to the four winds. and the USA.

Having a fairly decent mobile, I thought "how about the FB app for android"

So I looked at the download page, and clicked 'permissions needed'

Zuckenburg.... you can f... right off. (for those who've never looked, the permissions are for EVERYTHING on your phone to be accessible to FB.... )

Oh and the targeted ads on FB are laughable... ranging from washing machines just after posting "I've got a new washing machine".... dur.. I've just spent 400 quid on a new one why the hell do I want another? to age based ads for the sort of problems faced by elderly people (and no I'm not ready for a stairlift/tena pants/equity release/care home yet!)

Tumblr resorts to AI in attempt to scrub itself clean from filth

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Child porn

Then we need to ban heads!

To the guillotine with them...

Wheres the puritian loony icon?

YouTube fight gets dirty: Kids urged to pester parents over Article 13

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Perhaps we should

send a time machine back 20 yrs to the time of napster, and point out to the music companies(and movies too) that if they invested in on-line streaming of their copyright material, inserted a few ads every 30 mins or went subscriber model, they could make a shit ton of cash on their archives.

Instead they went down the copyright lawyer route which has resulted in the article 13 thing now...

GCHQ pushes for 'virtual crocodile clips' on chat apps – the ability to silently slip into private encrypted comms

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: And just how does this


The elephant rides at midnight ???

You got the wrong group mate, this is the syndo-cryptic revolutionary party(Leninist), you want the Free radicals of Marxist-Hofferists (Trotskyist) , they communicate over on the Daily mail forums.

Where the ravings of a bunch of loons and splitters would never be noticed....

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother

And just how does this

protect us from terrorists when the event is already pre planned and just needs the 'go' signal with a time

for example....


<from: Religious nutgroup leader>

<to : All>

The swallow flies north in winter, but the coconut does not migrate.

Q: If Pesky Pepper had a peek at patient papers, at how many patient papers did Pesky Pepper peek? A: 231

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Please let me know where you work...


I understand how you feel but you're living in a fools world (sorry, no insult) if you think that information like this is hidden and only seen by you and your doctor.

Well after reading this, I called up the bored receptionist at your doctors to find out you had an AIDS test 3 months ago, as well as a check up at the sexual health clinic.

ANd the details have leaked up because you think everyone hoovers up all of your details

BTW , your wife wants a divorce because "WTF were you doing at a sexual health clinic, let alone having an AIDS test", your employer has said "Oh an AIDS test... you must be a druggie, you're fired, and your health insurance co just found out and raised your premium by 500%.

Oh and having a 4" penis is a bit on the small side too.

Microsoft suffers the Tuesday shakes as Exchange Online continues to be wobbly for UK users

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Its strange

how us techie types can yell "The cloud is not a good idea as we're going to get outages in service."

And its as if the manglement put fingers in their ears and go "lalalalalalalalala we cant hear you" (I think the offsite snake oil salesman put spells on them to make them to that)... then fire all the doom mongering tech types.

Until today when the senior manglement say "wheres our emails?"

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


the film spaceballs have the bit where they were already making the sequel before the 1st film was finished?

Blighty: We spent £1bn on Galileo and all we got was this lousy T-shirt

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IT Angle

The whole

brexit thing has been a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions.

Take migration... (actually migration problems are really caused by westminister doing things such as not bothering to check how many people are coming here vs the expansion in services/housing to cope...BOTH parties are equally as guilty of this as the other.)

What should have been said is "EU nationals working here pre-brexit have an unlimited time to remain here, post brexit, EU nationals get the same rights as the rest of the world"

If the EU wanted to play silly buggers around that, we restate the 1st phrase

Sadly the 'government' (read 300 cats in a sack) decided to do things differently, then have a leadership election.... then an actual election (needing the support of some northern irish throwbacks.. when will they realise its not 1689 anymore!!) hence we're in clusterfuck.

Shocker: UK smart meter rollout is crap, late and £500m over budget

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

give it

a couple more years and there'll be plenty of tales of

"The smart meter said I used 100 quids of electrickery, the supplier adjusted the direct debit to match, the bank rejected the debit as there was only £50 in the account, therefore the supplier automatically switched off the power..... all this took less than 3 seconds and we're left sitting in the dark"

Thats the real reason for smart meters, because at the moment you have to do expensive things such as going to court for a warrent and getting people in to cut off the power for non payment....

Oh, I wish it could be Black Friday every day-aayyy, when the wallets start jingling but it's still a week till we're paiii-iid

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


Bah humbug. When Black Friday comes, I'm gonna dig myself a hole.

You'll need the queue for the shovels, then queue up at the official hole digging area (might be a bit of a wait due to all the MPs/cabinet ministers currently digging)

In Space, Still: 20 years since Russia hurled first bit of floating astronaut hostel into orbit

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: 5 of those with one BFR

The could have rolled out 5 saturn 5 rockets, and used those to launch the entire thing....

Sadly , the US government prefers to spend 600 billion on blowing shit up and complaining about the cost of NASA at about 22 billion.....

Britain may not be able to fend off a determined cyber-attack, MPs warn

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


after last nights blackout here... I'm surprised they invest in infrastructure , let alone cyber security

Congrats to Debbie Crosbie: New CEO at IT meltdown bank TSB has unenviable task ahead

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


threatened more regulation.....

So that means when the banks systems go TITSUP , they'll be called into the office and told they were very naughty and not to do it again instead of the current system of doing fuck all

If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I think

its time for the phone call to our CAM software suppliers and ask them a very important question

"Do you do a linux version yet?"

Flames... because m$ seem intent of burning themselves down

Six critical systems, four months to Brexit – and no completed testing

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: How about scrapping them?


I don't really know what the article means by "notifications" but it may refer to the system to track food.

That comes in handy when suddenly a bunch of people start falling violently ill and it is discovered that all of them had lamb the day before. We currently have a system where we can trace (across Europe) every piece of meat in the supermarket to see who packaged it, who cut it, who slaughtered the animal and who reared it.

And it still didnt stop us getting horse burgers and horse lasagna dressed up as beef....

And those huge sausages were very suspicious....

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