* Posts by Boris the Cockroach

1863 posts • joined 10 Mar 2008

Chap joins elite support team, solves what no one else can. Is he invited back? Is he f**k

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Unfortunately predicable

Quote :When driving equipment through the bay doors always make sure the bay doors are open first.

The guys in the next unit to us didn't bother with the bay doors.. they drove the forklift through the wall.

Gave everyone bit of a surprise to be covered in brickdust, breeze blocks and large amounts of assorted debris...

Brit Parliament online orifice overwhelmed by Brexit bashers

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

How many are russians signing in through VPNs

After all , funding both sides and watching the country fall apart is much more fun than funding one side

Can ye spare any 'digital change', pal? Blighty's ailing court service can't wait to hear from you

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I've got no experience of

this type of project and am completely clueless about a major IT project such as this.

But I already know the people making the decision, plus my children goto the same private school as their kids which makes me an ideal candidate

Also I am prepared to kiss ass, deliver mealy mouthed apologies when things go tits up, and take the money and run leaving some other poor idiot to take the fall for my cockups

There, that looks about right

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I wouldn't wipe my arse with that.. you dunno what you might catch

Click here to see the New Zealand livestream mass-murder vid! This is the internet Facebook, YouTube, Twitter built!

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: "cut the stream straight to an ISIS video"


Facebook needs to grow up and realize what its platform is being used for. And it's not just livestream murders. It's anti-vaxx, flat earth, conspiracy theory nonsense that is suddenly given an immense platform.


And this is where education comes into it, teaching people that just because something is on the internet and endorsed by a C-list celebrity, it does not make it true.

How many ads do we see for 'de-tox your liver' which sells some expensive supplement to your diet, which after you look through the ingredients, does nothing at all apart from drain your wallet. oh and your liver keeps on de-toxing because thats its job in your body.

As for the anti-vaxx people, they should be confined to one town or region where there can fail to immunise their kids to their hearts content (and expand the children's section of the local graveyard)

It is education that is key to this, that its not a good idea to let little 4 yr old sally look for peppa pig videos on youtube by herself, or that conspiracy theories are usually ranted by people with tendencies towards paranoia

But none of this cuts it with the people in charge, its much easier to blame facebook et al for the spread of such views/videos because its a quick and convienent target that satisifies the general media/concerned population's for a quick and easy answer to a very difficult problem.

And if you wish to go down the censorship route, who decides what is allowed and what isn't?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

One of the problems

is what i'll call "the peppa pig problem"

In that i can be streaming something tottally innocent, like say an on-line gaming stream or peppa pig video, then cut the stream straight to an ISIS video of some poor bastard having his head cut off.

An hrs delay defeats the purpose of a 'live' stream, and yet how does the platform provider censor the stream if some ass hat does that.

And then theres always the 'echo chamber' effect of the internet where some disturbed person only ever seeks out opinions that match their own, are we to censor those opinions too... and how long before the censorship spreads?

Or maybe we could blame the camera manufacturers, or the makers of the kit that can link a camera to your livestream.

Or how about , blaming the neo-nazi fuckhead who will rightfully spend every day of the rest of his life in jail.

Facebook blames 'server config change' for 14-hour outage. Someone run that through the universal liar translator

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother

And I thought

it my cat sabotaging the thing since I had a picture of a being known as a 'dog' to post on FB and everyone knows the internet is for cat pictures only

Or pR0n

What happens when security devices are insecure? Choose the nuclear option

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I may have

mentioned this before....

During the 'protect and survive" years, I worked for the government, fairly close to a primary target (like about 1/2 mile).

What we planned to do rather than cower inside the 'safe refuge' was go out onto the concrete slab that was the carpark, and arrange ourselves so that when the bomb went off, it burned our shadows into the concrete in an amusing pattern, so that in 1000 years time, people could come and look, then try to explain to the 4 yr olds that we must have been doing a fertility dance when the bomb exploded in answer to the question "But mommy... why does the man look like he has his arm up the other mans arse?"

Biker sues Google Fiber: I broke my leg, borked my ankle in trench dug to lay ad giant's pipe

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

While out

riding my bike (at any speed)....

You have to contend with everything the construction industry throws at you..... from roads that have been planed and left with manholes sticking up 2 inches... to cable layers who think a "caution temporary road surface" sign is enough notice for a steel sheet covering the hole to unsigned roadworks where the warning sign is in the bottom of that locked filing cabinet in that disused toilet with the infamous sign.

Maybe it took the guy 4 yrs to find out who actually dug the thing as companies in the UK have a habit of filing the hole in double quick when theres an accident and going "not us gov".....

So Windrush happened, and yet UK Home Office immigration data still has 'appalling defects'

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

B ark material

if ever I heard it

"There was a jolly good reason why we were put on the ship and sent off first, but I cant remember it"

"Because you're a lot of useless bloody idiots!"

"Ahh yes.. that was the reason"

DNA .... at his best

Civil servants 'Sir Humphrey' their way through grilling on UK.gov's digital transformation

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Errare humanum est


To err is human

...but to really screw something up, use a computer.

And if you really want to fuck it up beyond the reaches of normal incompetence, just get the government and civil service involved......

Prodigy dancer and vocalist Keith Flint found dead aged 49

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Yawn.

I'd never heard of him either..... until someone sent me the link to firestarter in 2012 2 days after heart surgery with a message "Play this loud, it'll get you moving again"

4am on the high dependency heart ward .... not my fault.... I was stoned out of my head on drugs..

Enjoyed some of their other stuff too........ when the nurses gave me my phone back


Correction: Last month, we called Zuckerberg a moron. We apologize. In fact, he and Facebook are a fscking disgrace

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

He hasn't even said sorry for jumping into bed with the tories and fucking up everyones university chances by upping fees to 9000 quid

Why are there never free power sockets when my Y-fronts need charging?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


Your idiot-proofing sticker will conjure from thin air a better class of idiot who will think "Why? Let's find out...".

This gives me an idea for removing said idiots from the gene pool, all I need is a regular steel container, some petrol and some matches , and a sign saying "Please dont set fire to the petrol while standing inside this container"

An infra red sensor then swings the door shut, waits while the fire consumes the idiot and then reopens ready for the next vict er idiot

Slow Ring Windows 10 fragged by anti-cheat software in the games you're playing at work, says Insiders supremo

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: cheating

Because cheaters make regular honest folks abandon the game, then tell their mates not to buy it because of the cheaters....

Theres nothing worse than spawn ... die spawn die... spawn die.... without even a chance to do anything because some ass thinks its funny to run an aimbot and kill everyone in seconds

Watchdog asks UK.gov to reissue freedom of information guidance after councils are told to STFU about Brexit plans

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I found the brexit plans

they were on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet in a disused toilet with a sign of the door saying beware of the leopard

Yeah DNA again... much better than Sir Humphrey above

Northern UK smart meter rollout is too slow, snarls MPs' committee

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: The answer is in the data

Reminds me of

"Be government informer, grass up your friends and neighbours, fabulous prizes to be won"

I'd put a joke icon, but smart meters aren't a joke...

How do you solve a problem like Galileo? With a strap-on L-band payload, of course!

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Chris Grayling

Can we send the rest of the government up there too?

Accused hacker Lauri Love loses legal bid to reclaim seized IT gear

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Something not ringing true here ...

I agree.

I've done HDD recovery for work and after relatives passed away.... plug the suspect drive into my spare linux box, copy the entire disk to a new clean one, play with the contents of the disk copy until you can retrieve data.

But then it could be that the plod (with truecrypt/GCHQ help) have decrypted the entire disk , but to advertise the fact means no one will ever use truecrypt again.....

Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Dear el-reg

Can we have a new version please

while impressed with your skills at building the thing in the first place, can I suggest you build a portable one that can be discreetly worn so that if we get invited around to a friend's house and they have one of those annoying alexa listening bugs, we can throughly stuff it up....

Crypto crash leads to inventory pile-up at Nvidia, sales slaughtered

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

No sympathy here

mostly because the 1080ti I was after for ages never dropped below 600 quid, and now the RTX series is out and replaced it, and they range from 500 odd quid to an eye watering 1400 quid.

Much as I love playing elite, I cant justify paying that much for a GPU....

OK, Google? Probably not! EU settles on wording for copyright reform legislation

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


The Commission simply implement the law and regulation passed by the Parliament and are appointed and removed by elected chambers and national governments.

Not quite true.

The commisison has the power to originate laws and policies affecting the people of the EU.

Whether the laws manage to get past the council of ministers or the parliment is another matter

And anyone who has that power should be elected by the people of europe.

Which means as far as i'm concerned, the only legit law making body in the EU is the parliment and as representatives of EU citizens, it should have the power to rule over the EU ,and the unelected and appointed people dumped into the dustbin of history.

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother



likely to be useful to a person committing or preparing an act of terrorism" so that it now covers viewing or streaming content online.

Then I want google maps/earth banned and blocked, mainly because I can peruse the UK's critical infrastructure looking for weak and easily attackable points from the comfort of my sofa.

No more driving around muddy country lanes, no more 'git orf ma land' farmers, and they've even added a handy over head view which is just right for seeing where an interconnector comes ashore on a quiet beach with easy JCB access.

But then if the plod find out what I know about explosives and underhand derring do, I'll get banged up for 15 yrs.

"But m'lud the government GAVE me the knowledge in the first place...."

Ever yearn for the Windows 95 shutdown sound? TADA! There's an Electron app for that

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

It can be

done in virtual box, so long as you have the original install disc and code.

Dont expect it to be able to figure out howto connect to the network(I got lost and killed several snapshots).... but it does run a heck of a lot faster.

As for doom etc..... I never even tried... it was just an achievement to see a win 95 desktop again long after the original PC it lived on went to the scrapheap eternal.(due to a dodgey PSU frying the m/b a few years ago)

Apple solemnly agrees to pay France $570m in back taxes, turns to camera, gives us a wink

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Whats the betting

that Apple france suddenly has to 'buy' its IP from Apple ireland, thus making no money whatsoever in France.....

It seems in today's world , only us little people pay tax...

El Reg talks to PornHub sister biz AgeID – and an indie pornographer – about age verification

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

And how long

until the government extend the AgeId scheme to cover other things deamed 'harmful' by the likes of sun editors and daily w(m)ail readers.

"Hmmmm animal farm could be used to undermine confidence in HM government..... lets ban it"

"four legs good two legs bad"

"four legs good two legs bad"

"four legs good two legs bad"

"four legs good two legs better"

Smaller tech firms just aren't ready for a no-deal Brexit, MPs told

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Incompetence where incompetence is due


Any government worth its salt wouldn't have triggered Art. 50


Actually as a leave voter (stop throwing stuff at me), I'm looking at this whole process with the belief that the tory party fucked it up completely , and even as a firm believer in democracy and one man one vote, I think I'd support the Queen if she marched in parliment at the head of a guards division , arrested all the MPs and threw them in the tower.

Then called the EU up and said "Right , the adults are in charge now... lets do this leave deal properly"

In reality, what should have happened in Camermoron should had the balls to say "Ok I lost... lets get everyone together, see what we want in terms of a future relationship with the EU. then informally sent those ideas to the EU, come up jointly with a deal that benefits both sides, signed/passed it and then activated A50.

Should the super-rich pay 70% tax rate above $10m? Here's Michael Dell's hot take for Davos

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


How many health insurance policies in UK contain cover for cancer treatment for example?

Dunno, but I do know they charge a hefty surcharge for pre-existing conditions such as heart disease....

I'd save my money and take my chances on the NHS... it might be crap but 1 week from diagnoses to having a madman hack my chest open was'nt bad.. and it wasn't even what they term an emergency case...

SpaceX enjoys three whole seconds of fire and fury on Pad 39A

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

3 seconds

is the usual amount for the full test of the falcon 9.. they'll stick cameras up the engines and review the engine data... but as its a reasonably mature rocket now, they'll know where most of the bugs are.

Just depends on when they've done the review plus can get a lunching slot.

Nationwide UK court IT failure farce 'not the result of a cyber attack' – Justice Ministry

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Why o why....


What benefits are there and what does it achieve?

Speed, and case notes freely available to all involved.

In reality, a couple of ex-ministers involved in it on the board of ATOS, and a fat wad of cash to m$ so that current ministers get a seat on the board..... alledgedly.

End users... who cares...

UK.gov plans £2,500 fines for kids flying toy drones within 3 MILES of airports

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: De minimis non curat lex


Like spoiling a ballot paper, or breathing on the wrong side of the road.


you forgot being in possession of an offensive wife, walking on the cracks in the pavement, and wearing a loud tie without a proper licence.

EU will have agreed a tech tax by March, says French finance minister

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

why not

just ban multi-nationals from setting up local companies , then using IP transfer pricing to shift all the profits out of the country....

Oops sorry too easy... we need a solution involving tax rates, and charging the end users more

Tens to be disappointed as Windows 10 Mobile death date set: Doomed phone OS won't see 2020

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Tester? sorry but m$ dont employ anyone with the word 'tester' in the name .. or job description..

See win10 updates for further details....

Having AI assistants ruling our future lives? That's so sad. Alexa play Despacito

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
Big Brother


brother has an alexa...

God its annoying.... knowing full well its listening in to your chat, and waiting for the 'alexa' keyword before responding.

And its nothing like an AI assistant.... because that pause between you giving it the command and it actually doing something is where its sending your voice data to god knows where, processing it and sending a command back.

But its going to be a boon for law enforcement

"Alexa.. play back the last 12 hrs of conversation at number 11 Acardia avenue"........ And you wont even need a warrent

Cortana and Search to innovate separately in an amicable Windows 10 Insider split

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge


taking cortina out the back of the remond campus, shooting it in the head and burying under the rubble of the buildings they're gonna replace

Then pretend "Cortina... naww mate never heard of her"

we could only wish......

Army had 'naive' approach to Capita's £1.3bn recruiting IT contract, MPs told

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Actually...


I believe its just another tory myth that public services are inefficient - as outsourcing proves time and time again.

I worked for the government once a long time ago in hush hush navy work, the amount of overtime I had to sometimes put in to get defective kit upto scratch was amazing... kit supplied by outsourcing of work to private contractors.. most of whom were paid more than we were.

But the real reasons for tory outsourcing was the destruction of unions, and that there wouldn't be so much to pay in terms of sickness/holiday/maternity/pension if you did away with as many local and national government workers.....plus the remaining ones would be the midddle manager/accounts/lawyer types who would more likely vote tory than those awful working class bin emptiers who always voted labour

Sadly , as network rail proved, you cant just sack all your staff and hope the private sector will be upto the job.......

Yes, you can remotely hack factory, building site cranes. Wait, what?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Not good


Though you would hope that the controller itself would prevent some of the dangers as part of its functional safety management.


Speaking from the industrial robot side of things, its not that easy to program a safe working envelope into something like that.

I might put a vice or a fixture up measuring 400mm by 300mm by 200 mm tall, I'd then have to go into the machine setup and program the correct parameters up, then the next part is a different size, or placed on the machine 50 mm from where it was before....... scale that up to a building site and the crane would need to know where the brick pallets have been stacked, then hope that whoever delivers the next batch of bricks lands the pallet in the same spot.. because the machines dont know and dont care theres 1/2 a ton of material in the way......

And humans are very squishy

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Oh God


The Berlin Wall was never meant to keep East-Germans from getting out. It was built to protect the GDR from fascist and capitalist bad hombres from the West, of course.

Which is why the tank traps would stop a vehicle driving from east to west.....

Cant someone build a replica whitehouse, move trump in there so he thinks he runs the country while the adults stay in the real one and actually run the country...

Begone, Demon Internet: Vodafone to shutter old-school pioneer ISP

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I used

to play on the demon team fortress classic servers, badgered to work as one of their admins, great times were had by all as we ruthlessly enforced 'the rules' while having great larks blowing each other to bits.

Its strange to think that long after valve switched over to their 'steam' system that the demon TFC servers stayed up configured under the old way(that I cant remember) and remained up and running for ages....... although I suspect it was 2 odd boxes at the back at the server room that had signs on saying not to be turned off... or something

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

If the government

were serious about 'protecting the children' then they'd bring in laws that snatch children away from their parents as soon as they are born and then raised in state creches and nurseries.

After all... 95% of all abused children were ABUSED BY THEIR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS

I'd better shut up... some dimwit politician will see this and think "Thats a jolly good idea....."

Windows 10 Insiders sent on quest deep into Registry to fetch goblet of Reserved Storage

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Whats the

betting that after reserving that 7 gb of disk space for itself , windows decides to download an update thats bigger than 7 gb and then falls over as it runs out of space... or.... some keen techie has a look in the reserved disk space after 6 months and finds windows has stored nothing at all there......

Cynic? me?

Smartphones gateway drug to the Antichrist, says leader of Russian Orthodox Church

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: I'm changing my wake word...

Oh great I just read that aloud and now I have tentacled thing sitting in the bath....

Oh well if you cant beat them... you may as well join them

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Pity they

couldn't set fire to the building first after locking the QA team inside.....

Note for the sensitive about to flame me: M$ doesn't have a QA team judging by the qualities of the latest updates....

NHS England claims it will be all-digital within the decade

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: As with all things this could be great if done properly

Done properly , it would be a boon and a great cost saving to the NHS.... sadly the contract will goto crapita.

Oh and the video call with your doc sounds great.. but you'll still have to face the wait until he can call you.... at his time..... and then some bright spark decides to out source your GP to somewhere else because its cheaper.....

SpaceX's Crew Dragon shows up at pad 39A, nearly 8 years after the last Shuttle left

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Quote:If we're going to have a test of whether the escape system can work on rocket failure - I'm going to be very sad if they just simulate that failure. I would much prefer to see a launch where NASA have strategically sabotaged the rocket, so that it will explode at an unpredictable time - thus fully testing the systems in question - and entertaining us with large fireworks.

SpaceX have already done the pad abort test. fun watching the capsule goto 300 mph and 1500 ft in a couple of seconds.

The inflight abort test (coming soon)is strapping the capsule to a falcon 9, launching the thing, then hitting the abort button at max-q

Whether the falcon 9 can still land.. or be intact after this is anyones guess

boeing have done neither test....

And of course, the timing of everything depends on how long it is until trump has finished having his tantrum.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

I hate the new

layout things and threads....

Apart from that I love el-reg and its exclusive hand biting articles(more please) and its zany bootnotes stuff, but best of all

Please please please... more BoFH.. please.

There is so much he can teach us mere mortals.

Oh and more icons please

It's 2019, the year Blade Runner takes place: I can has flying cars?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
IT Angle

But in a lot

of ways we've created the world of Blade runner already, the over crowded and polluted cities, the corrupt politicians, the CEOs with no regards to ethics or morality, with only a lust for hoarding more moeny.

But then you could have said that about ancient rome , so not much has changed in the past 2000 years

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: Cooking Basmati

Re: those microwavable bags of rice

Is it edible? being your question , I would rather eat a stir fried cushion than another one of those bags of 'rice' heck even the MREs so beloved of the military taste better than that crap.

Anyway... if you're spending 15 mins doing a quick curry, you may as well chuck some rice on to cook properly.... then turn it into egg fried rice when the curry is done....

Microsoft's 2018, part 2: Azure data centres heat up and Windows 10? It burns! It burns!

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

Re: ... and people ask me why I use Linux exclusively


My point is, these issues are terrible and all that, but how widespread are they really? How many people are actually affected by all these issues?

The point is not how many people are affected by the issues with the update, but that fact there were issues with the update due to the lack of quality control.

I make parts for aerospace hydraulic controls... imagine the fun if we skipped our QA, then the customer builds the actuators with no QA either.. eg pilot pulls back on stick, plane climbs... push stick forward... plane climbs...

Software engineering needs exactly the sort of QA that physical engineering uses because the methods of production are exactly the same, you cant just take a shortcut and hope everything is alright because both types of engineering are created by us flawed humans because the 'deleting user files' cockup of 1809 should have been caught by m$'s own QA department BEFORE it got anywhere near release.

Anyway, my new year dream for 2019 is that m$ re-hire all those QA testers they fired and stick the win7 gui on win10.... sadly I suspect we're more likely to get the last one than the first ....

Your mates vape. Your boss quit smoking. You promised to quit in 2019. But how will Big Tobacco give it up?

Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
IT Angle

Look out

here come the health nazis with their controlling chant of "its for your own good"

Given I work somewhere that used to have 10 smokers and now has 8 vapers (2 quit completely) , I would sing the praises of the vapers for the facts that I dont have to breathe second hand smoke, nor have clothes that stink of smoking, and dont have to clean cigarette butts off the floor.

Plus the fact that those vapers are now getting their insect posion kick without as much risk of lung cancer, heart disease and other health problems associated with smoking.

But thats not good enough for the health nazis because with a sort of healthy alternative to smoking, they'll lose their power (unless theres another health problem they can try and kick with banning.. sadly banning booze ends really badly (see USA 1920-1933)) because the phrase you have to remember with those people is

from C.S.Lewis

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

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