* Posts by Elmer Phud

4225 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

While Facebook reinvents Sadville, we still dream of flying cars

Elmer Phud

And . . .

If it only has flying rainbow cats and no flying penises -- -what's the point of it?

8
0
Elmer Phud

Transvision Vamps?

How come all the talking heads often appear to have fangs?

Is this the final verification for the anti-Zuck fans who constantly whine on about 'global domination'?

2
1

Gov wants to make the UK the 'safest place in the world to go online'

Elmer Phud

Re: Cynics unite

My kids had no restrictions to their access.

they were taught the basics 'if it looks too good to be true - it ain't', 'if you don't like it, leave the page - if it's really bad let me know, (no judgements)', 'trolls are easy to spot' etc.

One was on on Habbo Hotel (oh, these fools have no idea how it was back then) and said that someone she'd not met or chatted to before was busy being chatty and asking her to 'download a cool game'.

I explained to her what was going on and that I wanted to to some screen grabs as proof so she threw out a shiny lure and started reeling him in by asking innocent questions about the 'game'.

Eventually he twigged and she let him know that we'd got info on his user name and several screen shots which we were sending to Admin.

Dunno if it did anything other than make him change his underwear but as an educational tool it was priceless.

9
0
Elmer Phud

Arrr, ye've got a woman's scarf, so ye have

8
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Two words spring to mind...

'cos there's always a queue of people waiting to pop it?

4
0

HSBC Business internet banking goes TITSUP*

Elmer Phud

Re: what if...

Because some of us are not like the Donald.

'Bad Twitter! naughty Twitter! Fake Twitter NOT NICE!!!'

0
0

A webcam is not so much a leering eye as the barrel of a gun

Elmer Phud

Re: video

Only if it has a 'USB' charger as well.

0
0

Microsoft offers drone lovers a simulator

Elmer Phud

Office toy?

Friday is on its way, post-pub entertainment?

0
0

NORKS fires missile that India reckons it could shoot down in flight

Elmer Phud

Proxy punch-up

Sooo, if India are also making claims, then the Donald's people will need to lever the rancour between the Norks and India.

That way they can encourage the Norks to point their toys elesewhere.

2
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Pissing matches

small hands . . .

10
2

Hyperloop sueball noose-man launches tube-travel rival

Elmer Phud

Re: Hyper ~ excessively + Loop ~ convolution = Vacuum Tube extortion

Not sure why you got a down vote.

It's just another sparkly start-up con.

Only this time led by a solipsistic remnant of 1970's porn by the looks.

4
0

Brought to you by UK.gov: 'Most ambitious programme of change of any government anywhere in the world'

Elmer Phud

Uber wotsit

"On a panel afterwards, Jonathan Salter, permanent secretary at the Department for Education, called for an "Uber for supply teachers". "

"There's a fight outside my local school"

'Bloody kids'

"No, it's potential supply teachers"

The thought of it not working and going on to a Deliveroo style . . .

3
0

Latest loon for Trump's cabinet: Young-blood-loving, kidney-market advocate Jim O'Neill

Elmer Phud

We could never do anything as stupid as that

We are far more sensible over here and would never putting someone le Boris (the unfeasibly useless) Johnson in a posy such as Foreign Secretary would we?

Captain Flasheart without the funny bits.

0
0

Neo-Nazi man jailed for anti-Semitic Twitter campaign against MP

Elmer Phud

Re: No issues with the sentencing, but...

Possibly not, many of the twat-right see Vlad as a hero for his stance on how 'unnatural' homosexuality is.

He'd be a fekkin' hero.

4
2

The future often starts as a toy, so don't shun toy VR this Christmas

Elmer Phud

Re: I'd save some money back...

I wish I'd had the money to do all that.

A cheap VR can bring many of these things to those who could never actually go to these places.

4
2
Elmer Phud

and . . .

basic light meter, spirit level, Wi-Fi sniffer . . .

0
0

Telstra's answers El Reg's Smart Home security questions

Elmer Phud

A cold winter?

Xmas means lots and lots of shiny-shiny.

With all the IoT adverts there will be lot of the stuff installed/bunged in.

Also lots of press about ease of access.

Bored teenagers over Xmas looking for holes in the neighbours network . . .

0
0

What went wrong at Tesco Bank?

Elmer Phud

Re: Given current reporting

They are while there is a possibility of Trump going ahead with a 45% levy on Chinese kit.

Double Trumped

0
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Insider job?

Or does 'click and collect' at their nearest Tesco

0
0

Five-a-day energy drink habit turned chap's eyes yellow, urine dark, caused anorexia

Elmer Phud

Re: "Jesus load of caffeine"?

There's a lot of crap goes in to mask the sweetness and other crap to mask the masking things.

But fuck that caffeine, nasty stuff.

Never like seeing truck drivers with the shakes at the same fuel stop as me don't want to be anywhere near them on the road.

4
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Far be it from me to throw the first rock

I don't drink 'energy' drinks and coke rarely but BACON?

Jeez, that's tough.

7
0

Sound-mufflers chuck acoustic sleep blanket at the noise-plagued

Elmer Phud

And it looked so promising

" A one-room kit consists of two wall-mounted speakers and integrates with home IoT kit such as . . ."

Hmm, 50calibre machine gun fire at 3 in the morning via the 'secure' IoT?

4
0

Smart Meter rollout delayed again. Cost us £11bn, eh?

Elmer Phud

Re: Shafted at both ends

Also living in the model for Easy Council (flog it all, flog the lot! then praise yourself) I have declined the possibility of a 'smart meter'.

I just don't trust any of the buggers.

Crapita has a looooong history of screwing over Barnet while the leader buy themselves new laptops, iPads etc.

9
0

The IoT market will grow through cannibalisation, says Tech Mahindra

Elmer Phud

Money ---- anything about security?

0
0

LASER RAT FENCE wins €1.7m European Commission funds

Elmer Phud

Those of us old enough to remember . . .

. . . will recall the astounding results achieved by the Chinese when they decided to 'deal' with the problem of birds eating crops.

19
0

Accountant falls for sexy Nigerian email scammer, gives her £150k he cheated out of pal

Elmer Phud

Prime target

"Described as a "church-going and well-respected professional","

Well, yeah. Research has shown that educated 'professionals' tend to be some of the easiest meat.

Humans are still the easiest vector.

6
0

It's nearly 2017 and JPEGs, PDFs, font files can hijack your Apple Mac, iPhone, iPad

Elmer Phud

Re: Cupertino is ...

"As Linux gains foothold in the desktop market,"

Yeah, right . . .

3
0

Thanks, IoT vendors: your slack attitude will get regulators moving

Elmer Phud

I blame the chemtrails

2
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Après nous le déluge

CE labels don't cost much to buy . . .

0
0
Elmer Phud

Re: National regulation won't do a damned thing.

Nice things become normal things

0
0

Judge nailed for trying to bribe Fed with fizzy water (aka Bud Light)

Elmer Phud

Nah, one was seriously affronted at not being offered single malt.

4
0

New measurement alert. The Pogba: 1,200Pg = NHS annual budget

Elmer Phud

Value

For some it seems that the base pogba is vastly over inflated while the NHS requires long term investment rather that the shorter term payback of booze and arms that often includes NHS clients.

2
0

Two new dinosaurs walked from South America to Australia, via Antarctica

Elmer Phud

Re: Length

Is that the old Routemaster or the new one?

1
0

Mysterious algorithms, black-box AI recruiters are binning our résumés

Elmer Phud

Good scanning system

I've seen someone operating very good CV scanning system.

Any applicants will have read 'No photos with this application'.

As soon as envelopes (it was a while back) were opened they were checked for photo's, if a photo was included the whole lot was binned without being read.

"If they can't fucking read the application form I can't be fucking bothered to read either. I need people who do not just scan but understand, this is a fucking hospital, for fuck's sake".

This is after getting fed up with people seeing the job description and assuming it was a PC World type hard drive replacement service and not a proper IT wonk job.

5
1

RRS Sir David Attenborough construction goes full-steam ahead

Elmer Phud
WTF?

Much as I might be in favour . . .

but WTF?

0
0
Elmer Phud

Re: and after the sea

Thank you.

No need to go to YouTube, the song started all by itself.

0
0
Elmer Phud

Re: and after the sea

Thank you.

No need to go to YouTube, the song started all

by itself.

1
0

Google DeepMind 'learns' the London Underground map to find best route

Elmer Phud

Does it do . . .

Bank to Mansion House?

0
0

One-quarter of UK police websites lack a secure connection

Elmer Phud

Too busy?

Have they been too busy snooping on us, to eager to spunk millions over 'anti-terrorist' toys to look after their own house?

6
0

Internet of Things botnets: You ain’t seen nothing yet

Elmer Phud

Dates

Is that 'use by' or 'best before' or ?

1
0

You're fired (into space)! Trump tops Martian ejaculation poll

Elmer Phud

Read that wrong

I thought I read it as being a mass being aimed at the surface of Mars for ejecta experiments.

Why waste on life-support?

1
0

Invasion of the virus-addled lightbulbs (and other banana stories)

Elmer Phud

My IoT toaster is taking the piss

It keeps making toast with images of religious characters on them.

2
0
Elmer Phud

Hmm . . .

If there is 'no AI' why do the floating SpaceX landing platforms all have names of GCU's from Ian Bank's Culture series?

(it's because they can't trust stupid humans to handle all the tasks)

0
0

Windows 10 market share fell in September

Elmer Phud

Re: "Windows 10 has done very well at home"

"It takes a company with an IT department and dedicated staff to keep MS in check these days."

Really? most folks just wander through 'settings' telling W10 to bugger off.

Other than the usual crap that home users have -- like finding no uninstall for Macafee, W10 doesn't seem to have been any hassle.

2
39

‘You can’t opt out of IoT’: Our future is the Rise of the Sensor Machines

Elmer Phud
Pirate

Terminator? nah.

" Pre-emptively bowing the knee to our future robot overlords, Sacke said: “I hesitate to use the film analogy but it’ll be like Terminator: Rise of the Machines.” "

Toner more like it:

" "See, there's mites around all the time. They use sparkles to talk to each other," Harv explained. "They're in the food and water, everywhere. And there's rules that these mites are supposed to follow. They're supposed to break down into safe pieces... But there are people who break those rules [so the] Protocol Enforcement guys make a mite to go out and find that mite and kill it. This dust - we call it toner - is actually the dead bodies of all those mites." "

1
0

UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

Elmer Phud
WTF?

Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

""This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die," "

Standard defence for arseholes.

18
0

NHS 'paperless roadmap': Fewer dead trees, more data control

Elmer Phud

Does paperless mean more time?

Currently going through process that will end up with radiotherapy to deal with prostate cancer.

The ambulance chasers have instilled procedures where my GP gets a letter each time I see a consultant.

If my GP gets one each time a patient on thier books sees a specialist or has a hospital appointment then they do not have time to do thier job properly as they are inundated with paper.

How this would be any different, I fail to see.

The GP will still have to tick a box somewhere, mark it 'read or whatever'.

I can only forsee another round of IT consultancy firms making money.

1
3

Hacker takes down CEO wire transfer scammers, sends their Win 10 creds to the cops

Elmer Phud

The higher you aim in an organisation, the easier it is for click-bait to work.

31
0

Newest Royal Navy warship weighs as much as 120 London buses

Elmer Phud

Warship?

There are football club owners who would regard something that size as a day-boat.

1
0

Ireland looks like it's outpacing Britain in the superfast broadband rollout stakes

Elmer Phud

Will they stop at the border and go "sorry, before Brexit we'd have just carried on but now . . . "

2
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017