* Posts by Elmer Phud

4544 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

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Wolfenstein -- the PaintshopPro of the 386 gaming world.

Everyone seemed to have a copy but no-one ever seems to have bought one.

European fibre lobby calls for end to fake fibre broadband ads

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Re: Meat

'Possibly meat' would be the usual D'Blah explanation.

NASA's Mars probe InSight really has Mars in sight: It beams back first pic after touchdown

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MARS?

They have landed it in a field of potatoes --that's obvious from the pic

Openreach names 81 lucky locations to be plugged into its super-zippy Gfast pipe

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Re: 81?

If LLU was opened out so BT could uses other's ducts then a lot of groundwork wouldn't be needed.

I've got FTTC and an O/H span while just outside my door is a green pipe leading to a half empty cabinet that BT can't use .

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super, just super

Ah well, looks like I'll STILL be FTTC and O/H for decades to come

Barnet Council reckons Capita's dropped the ball on outsourced services

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Oh Great

Having slashed and burnt to achieve full 'It wasn't ME' status my LA is now admitting they screwed up?

There is no office space left, few buildings, nothing much more than town hall and mayor with bling round their neck making comments so very close to 'strong and stable'.

But with a record of not complaining when developers fail to provide the contracted social housing and ensuring that the borough's youth have had all local youth clubs buildings demolished to make way for new (private) development, I expect nothing but a mirror of Brexit with the borough continually blaming everything on other people.

Now Europe wants a four-million-quid AI-powered lie detector at border checkpoints

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Already exists, both as 'diplomatic' travel and executive jets.

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Re: £4m doesn't go far

Having problems here trying to work out exactly what is irking you,

Local funding, EU funding or the cabal of 'big tech'.

Chinese biz baron wants to shove his artificial moon where the sun doesn't shine – literally

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FAIL

A birdy told me

I guess it will work as well as the way to deal with birds on crops -- kill the birds.

Then starve as the bugs destroy the crops for a few years until the birds come back.

Finally. The palm-sized Palm phone is back. And it will, er, save you from your real smartphone

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Re: Neutered

But it's not a phone.

Think of it more as an old-time hard wired extension off a huge chunky 'master phone' with big buttons on it.

It has no functionality without the main device.

A ' 107 plan phone' for the new miilennials

Your RSS is grass: Mozilla euthanizes feed reader, Atom code in Firefox browser, claims it's old and unloved

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Unhappy

I'll miss seeing the Reg's arse

Microsoft deletes deleterious file deletion bug from Windows 10 October 2018 Update

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Bad user!

My default Documents folder is generally ignored as any rebuilds or new machines have all documents elsewhere due to machines in the distant past having small drives and it's easier to bung data elsewhere than having to keep finding space.

I just ignore 'My Documents'

Day two – and Windows 10 October 2018 Update trips over Intel audio

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That would explain things

I had settled down to listen to Alfie Moore's 'It's a Fair Cop' and had to abandon the programme as the sound was bloody awful.

I thought, 'Oh it'll sort itself out when I boot up tomorrow ' and I find it's another cock-up.

It's not a new 'experience', Microsoft, it's (sniff, sniff) a return to the good old days of ---Upgrade, reboot while holding Rosary beads.

JAXA probe's lucky MASCOT plonks down on space rock Ryugu without a hitch

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Finally!

We have a real Space Hopper!

UK's Openreach sends full fibre to Coventry

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2025

I can't see my bit of O/H being replaced by then.

They can't use the fibre cabinet just up the road on my side - it belongs to everyone else.

UK ruling party's conference app editable by world+dog, blabs members' digits

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Facepalm

Problems?

This sounds like a standard gobermint IT project as wot has been seen over the years.

SNAFU - in which respect I expect it to be announced as a resounding success and a huge benefit to those who use it etc.etc.

UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

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Re: UKIP condoms

A bit bloody late then . . .

Now they will put them on their heads to try and protect themselves from the shitstorm that is comeing

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Rage?

Oh no, not rage - mere observations.

Though I'm not sure why they are selling them as Sir Nige of Thanet just goes on an onan onan onan on,

The internet – not as great as we all thought it was going to be, eh?

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Unicorn poo

Many people, it seems, bought the idea that all was wonderful and the internet was full of fairy farts.

But the internet has people using it and some people do not agree with others while others find destructive trolling 'a huge laugh'.

It is NOT and never has been a wonderful safe (and boring) place.

SpaceX dodges lightning while storms keep Japan earthbound

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Muskie

"delighting the SpaceX fanboys with yet another successful touchdown, this time aboard the drone-ship "Of Course I Still Love You", stationed out in the Atlantic."

This is the problem, every time Musk is a twat, the naming thing is such a plus point.

And I feel that there are many at The Reg who also have this issue - being huge Banks fans.

$200bn? Make that $467bn: Trump threatens to balloon proposed bonus China tech tariffs

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Ah, such wisdom . . .

Does he not know that as soon as the ban on China was announced, US 'Patriots' flocked to Chinese wholesalers to buy up flags?

The makers raked in a small fortune they said 'we make other flags' - keeping quiet about exports to places NOT on the banned list.

As the US tech industry kaaks itself and shakes it's head in the sheer disbelief of a 'supreme businessman' who can't even plastic-coat a turd.

Pluto is more alive than Mars, huff physicists who are still not over dwarf planet's demotion

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Re: Stop this playground spat!

ALL planets are FLAT!

You 'round worlders' are always trying to fool us with fake topography!

FFS! doesn't the Turtle and the four elephants give the game away?

Official: Google Chrome 69 kills off the World Wide Web (in URLs)

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Re: The layers keep piling up

Most folks would be hard pressed to change a fuel injector these days --yet they drive billions of miles without it being the cause of a trip to the shrink.

I know how my washing machine and dishwasher work -- but I'd not be too bothered if I didn't

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Re: It's become a search engine box?

Well, yeah.

Isn't that how things usually work with Google 'anything'?

That so many out there refer to the browser as 'Google' is not a bit of a clue?

Bug bounty alert: Musk lets pro hackers torpedo Tesla firmware risk free

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Re: "Those who want to be enrolled in the research program will need to contact Tesla directly"

" owners will need to register both themselves and their cars"

Reading is soooo last week . . .

Canny Brits are nuking the phone bundle

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Data use

I'm on a cheap PAYG SIM. I worked out that most of the time I need a data connection I'd either be at home or somewhere I can slurp. Also that for some folks, 'all you can eat' leads to being on-call 24/7.

Creaky systems 'cost lives': Health secretary Matt Hancock pledges to solve NHS IT woes

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It's taken a while

we've not seen one of these for a while.

They usually end up either scrapped after many changes of firms and guaranteed payouts or so far behind that they are no longer for for purpose - and still paying out guaranteed lumps.

Ah, if only things were as smooth as Crossrail . . .

I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

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The cooker needs more info

The cooker first needs to monitor the home and detect the unmistakeable signs of a pissed person.

THEN it checks the fridge to see what it contains and is most likely to be favoured by someone at the stage of 'experimentation'.

At that point it accesses its own system and compares with Michelin star type food, and shuts down as a matter of sheer decency and taste (while ordering a pizza)

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Re: Personality

Wot, like as in the local KFC or burger chain?

They have 'courses' to try and remove any trace of personality

Anon man suing Google wants crim conviction to be forgotten

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Yeah, well . . .

"“as an entrepreneur who is involved in business, investment and civil society ventures in the UK and overseas”, stating that “he intends to raise venture funds by equity offerings.”"

As someone who is capable of understanding politician's doublespeak -- this sounds a bit 'Trotter-ish' to me. The last bit is wonderfully iffy.

This post has been deleted by a moderator

DraftKings rides to court, asks to unmask 10 DDoS suspects

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Re: SHOULD they be allowed to ?

It's like an email I got from BT where, apparently, I'd downloaded Fast and Furious number somethingorother.

Considering I leave my BT side open to slurpers- it's still my IP address where the slurping comes from.

I ignored the email.

But, then who needs to download F&F?

It's not as if it's not on TV all the time.

Russian volcanoes fingered for Earth's largest mass extinction

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Trumpet

THERE HAS BEEN NO RUSSIAN INTERFR -- INTERVER - MEDDLING.

I WOULD KNOW ABOUT IT,

MORE FAKE NEWS!!

Boffins bork motion control gear with the power of applied sound

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Why takeover?

Jamming such devices could prove more fruitful with military tech

Cobbler feels the shoe-leather: An IP address is still not a human

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IP means me?

I got an email from a firm apparently given access to my records by BT.

Something about Fast and Furious four being downloaded from my IP address.

After being informed by the rest of the house that:

a, they'd got it already

b, they'd got subscriptions to site so why download

c, 'fuck off, that one's shit

I ignored the email and still haven't had the joy of informing someone that I share my IP address with anyone else with a BT login who could even be my neighbour.

Windows 95 roars once more in the Microsoft round-up

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GSOD

Green Screen Of Death - sounds like an enhancement to me

Android data slurping measured and monitored

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"As we repeatedly point out, Apple makes its money from selling overpriced hardware"

It's all about the money, money, money - they don't really give a toss about YOU, just your pocket.

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Re: RE: tiggity

"What's a gender?"

A list of stuff you're supposed to get through at a meeting before heading to the pub

Southport: Come for a round of golf, stay for the flesh-eating STIs

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Thanks for the iimage

" before your todger starts acting like it just saw the Ark of the Covenant."

Having seen a few pickled dicks in a Naval Hospital museum --- some might not believe the number of different ways a todger could disintegrate in their very hands.

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Big Frank?

"Why does it hurt when I pee?"

another Frankie song.

London's Gatwick Airport flies back to the future as screens fail

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Blah Blah

""an innovative, cost effective system that are easily scalable, more flexible and resilient, and require considerably less infrastructure and maintenance"."

Someone has got a fat bonus at the costs of several workers.

Beam me up, PM: Digital secretary expected to give Tory conference speech as hologram

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Re: The shape of things to come?

If only -- they might be more humanitarian.

Self-driving cars will be safe, we're testing them in a massive AI Sim

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" recreates a virtual version of 32km of Oxfordshire roads."

Nice, M40 -- just the thing for nose-to-tail autocars.

Go Zuck Yourself: Facebook destroys patent suit over timeline

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IP squatters / Patent trolls

Can wear top hats while pogoging unnder the belies of Anacondas.

Either my name, my password or my soul is invalid – but which?

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Re: "Wrong" email addresses

Shirley not!

And no one ever uses them for FB accounts, either,

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Customer Delight Providers

The Seamstresses of the IT world.

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Re: Hey Jude

Nothing to get hung about

I see you're trying to leak a file! US military seeks Clippy-like AI to stop future Snowdens

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Everything is fine

If the usual due diligence is shown and thorough research done in to this issue, I fully expect 'top secret blah blah blah keep it under your hat. docx' to be transported and shared as 'Little Sam's Birthday List.docx'

Intel, Microsoft, Adobe release a swarm of bug fixes to ruin your week

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Re: One. Hundred. Fifty. flaws?

Album on release soon?

Vodafone emits new wearable ... kid-trackers

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Are kids that stuipid?

Kids will swap devices, find ways of signal-blocking (like taking it off) etc.

Parents forget they were kids once.

Companies never forget there are mugs.

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