* Posts by Elmer Phud

4257 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Has riddle of the 1977 'Wow!' signal finally been cracked? Maybe...

Elmer Phud

Roll up, roll up

Laydeez an gennelmen,

We bring you one shit-load of conspiracy theories, 'space tech cover up', 'Illuminati keeps us dumb' etc, etc. as those who look towards the stars for salvation have yet another route closed.

I guess it's back to the 'dolphin speakers' and 'alien contactors' to get back to work (there's a flock to be fleeced).

8
0

I fought Ohm's Law and the law won: Drone crash takes out power to Silicon Valley homes

Elmer Phud

Is it really . . .

. . . that easy to take out so many Tesla chargers?

Hmm, urban pranking goes large.

2
0

Windows 10 Creators Update preview: Lovin' for Edge and pen users, nowt much else

Elmer Phud

Re: Fall Creators Update

I'm quite happy with the 'broken abortion' (how quaint), especially as I never used 7.

I hear moans and whines but never any detail, not that it would bother me.

It doesn't matter in M$ came out with a flawless, faultless O/S there would be a huge queue of people ready to diss it as it doesn't exactly fit like an old pair of slippers . Yeah ,like you buy a new car that is exactly the same as the old one?

17
34

DUP site crashes after UK general election

Elmer Phud

to coin a phrase

They are Orangemen.

They all look the same to me.

3
0

White-box webcam scatters vulnerabilities through multiple OEMs

Elmer Phud

IoT misnamed?

Shirley by now it should be 'I own Twats' as the number of wide -pen devices seems to multiply rather than diminish.

2
0

UK PM May's response to London terror attack: Time to 'regulate' internet companies

Elmer Phud

The Grate Dicktater

So, because 'we haven't a clue' the answer is to 'lock it all down'.

Maysolini strikes again.

7
0

Walmart workers invited to shuttle packages

Elmer Phud

SlaveMart

I expect Walmart to sack anyone who refuses to do drops.

As it's 'on the way home' do the workers expect to be paid for this?

13
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Nope, nothing to see here

Uber are mere babes compared to Walmart's expertise in screwing employees.

just thinking 'Union' at Walmart will have you trailed 24/7.

ASDA staff are to be issued with new fully insulated jackets so they deliver chilled goods, too.

16
0

Utah fights man's attempt to marry laptop

Elmer Phud

Laptop dancing

I have a couple of old lappies here, they may have met this man already as they are well fucked.

5
0
Elmer Phud

Re: It takes two to tango

O.K. Google . . .

0
0
Elmer Phud

Try a 10 inch floppy.

We had much bigger ones in the old days.

13
0

Elon to dump Trump over climate bump

Elmer Phud

Hmm,

It's almost as if the Donald has got his deniers out already.

4
1

WannaLaugh? Funsters port WannaCrypt to Commodore, Cisco, Nintendo and Tesla

Elmer Phud

Re: Cisco Phone

Bloody anaoraknaphiles.

13
0

British prime minister slams Facebook and pals for votes

Elmer Phud

Are we forgtting something?

Other than the fact that May would shit on a kitten if she thought there was a vote in it, it seems that it's fine for right-wing groups to re-post old videos of stoning, whipping and beheading, while also gleefully posting pics of overflowing and sinking lifeboats with comments such as 'never teach a Muslim to swim', 'one less potential terrorist', 'shoot the fuckers while they are in the water' etc. etc, while also claiming to be 'compassionate Christians'.

We are not buying this shit. from KKKippers, biffers etc.

19
4

Blighty bloke: PC World lost my Mac Mini – and trolled my blog!

Elmer Phud

Re: Why oh why

Cables PW Wonk

"Have you got a HD to DVA cable?"

'Certainly' (sounded like 'what?!)

eventually finds one -- Look at price

'fourteen quid?. Your firm's taking the piss, mate''

CPC £1.50 (or was it cheaper?)

4
1

16 terabytes of RAM should be enough for anyone. Wait. What?

Elmer Phud

Re: Just imagine

That's a lot of real estate in Speccy 16k RAM packs

2
0

Volvo is letting Android 'take over underlying car software' – report

Elmer Phud

Grinder

"Like the driver on your left? Just side-swipe to let them know"

17
0

Lib Dems pledge to end 'Orwellian' snooping powers in manifesto

Elmer Phud

The stable is empty

The smell of rotting flogged horse is strong.

Turkeys seem to like the xmas trimmings and glitter but forget the true meaning of dinner.

7
2
Elmer Phud

Further back

Oh, much further than that.

Much, much further.

9
0

Have a go with this WW2 German Lorenz cipher machine – in your browser

Elmer Phud

Timely

I just happen to be reading Neal Stephenson's 'Cryptonomicon' at the moment.

This fits in rather nicely

6
0

Trump signs executive order on cybersecurity, White House now runs the show

Elmer Phud

So . . .

The tiny hand wrecks the cradle.

7
1

Try not to scream: Ads are coming to Amazon's Alexa – and VR goggles

Elmer Phud

Re: NO!

Now, now.

Where the hell is the 'high-tech' in basically an answerphone connected to a server and appearing to be far, far more intelligent than it really is -- just another 'speech to - - -' device.

BUT give it a female name, a female voice and the stupid humans anthropomorphise like mad.

Then they give it attributes it has never had.

Mugs!

2
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Why Do They Persist....

You ain't that special . . .

0
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Pass

I am awaiting the complaints.

When one installs a device from a company that loves trackers etc. spams inboxes etc. does one expect a halcyon existence without 'recommendations'?

'Recommendations' that can only increase with the building of a user or family profile.

2
0

Fake ruse: USA Today calls the FBI after half of its 15m Facebook Likes turn out to be bogus

Elmer Phud

Why is this the fault of FB?

Odd that so many seem to say it' all down to FB.

I wonder how many people who are Reg readers also have dozens of sock puppets, chuckaway email accounts, etc.etc. but it's fine for them to use them?

anyway that 's a lot of pairs of sunglasses

1
10

Facebook is abusive. It's time to divorce it

Elmer Phud

Really?

"But only because we were yet to understand that everything we entered was recorded by Facebook, all of it analysed, all of it compared against everyone else sharing all of their personal trivialities."

Izzat so?

No we didn't we thought 'It's free, therefore there's a catch to it' and we looked at the T&C's.

We understood with the structure of 'free' games that it it was a data gatherer that sold data for others to work at.

We didn't think 'Oooh, look what the kind fairies have brought us''.

5
3

Windows 10 S forces Bing, Edge on your kids. If you don't like it, get Win10 Pro – Microsoft

Elmer Phud

Cheapskates

so many comments - but forty quid isn't much.

Certainly one table full of drinks, not a complete meal for one, 80 cigs, two knee-tremblers etc.

Ad with a push in September for the student market this might be the chance of getting a touch-screen lappy with W10 pro for a decent discount.

5
9

UK.gov throws hissy fit after Twitter chokes off snoop firm's access

Elmer Phud

Aaaaaaand what would replace it, oh worthy overlord?

FB Live?

2
1
Elmer Phud

python and witches

yeah but, no but, yeah but - I cannot see any of our current coven actually owning up that they have screwed up big time or know completely bugger all.

No 'It's a fair cop' from this lot.

3
1
Elmer Phud

Re: depressing...

'Terrorists' are even much, much better at wielding a mouse than Rudd.

3
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Not to put too fine a point on it...

Shirley it was that global expert on cheese and pork - Liz Truss, our Minister for 'Social Justice (oh, oxymorons abound)

7
0

Ewe, get a womb! Docs grow baby lambs in shrink-wrap plastic bags

Elmer Phud

good idea

One of my girls was very premature via emergency caesarian.

The fears were that she wouldn't get the final 'booster shot' via the placenta that is vital for early development.

She had medication (while in the womb) to try and advance lung development and other last minute tweaks - she managed to breathe OK, early oxygen was a concern as it can bugger up sight development, various issues had to be dealt with as some hormones etc.did not get delivered by the time she had to come out.

The idea of keeping development contained to allow better maturity before birth is a great idea -- if nothing else it will save huge amounts of money and resources currently needed in fire-fighting for the first few months.

40
0

While Facebook reinvents Sadville, we still dream of flying cars

Elmer Phud

And . . .

If it only has flying rainbow cats and no flying penises -- -what's the point of it?

8
0
Elmer Phud

Transvision Vamps?

How come all the talking heads often appear to have fangs?

Is this the final verification for the anti-Zuck fans who constantly whine on about 'global domination'?

2
1

Gov wants to make the UK the 'safest place in the world to go online'

Elmer Phud

Re: Cynics unite

My kids had no restrictions to their access.

they were taught the basics 'if it looks too good to be true - it ain't', 'if you don't like it, leave the page - if it's really bad let me know, (no judgements)', 'trolls are easy to spot' etc.

One was on on Habbo Hotel (oh, these fools have no idea how it was back then) and said that someone she'd not met or chatted to before was busy being chatty and asking her to 'download a cool game'.

I explained to her what was going on and that I wanted to to some screen grabs as proof so she threw out a shiny lure and started reeling him in by asking innocent questions about the 'game'.

Eventually he twigged and she let him know that we'd got info on his user name and several screen shots which we were sending to Admin.

Dunno if it did anything other than make him change his underwear but as an educational tool it was priceless.

9
0
Elmer Phud

Arrr, ye've got a woman's scarf, so ye have

8
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Two words spring to mind...

'cos there's always a queue of people waiting to pop it?

4
0

HSBC Business internet banking goes TITSUP*

Elmer Phud

Re: what if...

Because some of us are not like the Donald.

'Bad Twitter! naughty Twitter! Fake Twitter NOT NICE!!!'

0
0

A webcam is not so much a leering eye as the barrel of a gun

Elmer Phud

Re: video

Only if it has a 'USB' charger as well.

0
0

Microsoft offers drone lovers a simulator

Elmer Phud

Office toy?

Friday is on its way, post-pub entertainment?

0
0

NORKS fires missile that India reckons it could shoot down in flight

Elmer Phud

Proxy punch-up

Sooo, if India are also making claims, then the Donald's people will need to lever the rancour between the Norks and India.

That way they can encourage the Norks to point their toys elesewhere.

2
0
Elmer Phud

Re: Pissing matches

small hands . . .

10
2

Hyperloop sueball noose-man launches tube-travel rival

Elmer Phud

Re: Hyper ~ excessively + Loop ~ convolution = Vacuum Tube extortion

Not sure why you got a down vote.

It's just another sparkly start-up con.

Only this time led by a solipsistic remnant of 1970's porn by the looks.

4
0

Brought to you by UK.gov: 'Most ambitious programme of change of any government anywhere in the world'

Elmer Phud

Uber wotsit

"On a panel afterwards, Jonathan Salter, permanent secretary at the Department for Education, called for an "Uber for supply teachers". "

"There's a fight outside my local school"

'Bloody kids'

"No, it's potential supply teachers"

The thought of it not working and going on to a Deliveroo style . . .

3
0

Latest loon for Trump's cabinet: Young-blood-loving, kidney-market advocate Jim O'Neill

Elmer Phud

We could never do anything as stupid as that

We are far more sensible over here and would never putting someone le Boris (the unfeasibly useless) Johnson in a posy such as Foreign Secretary would we?

Captain Flasheart without the funny bits.

0
0

Neo-Nazi man jailed for anti-Semitic Twitter campaign against MP

Elmer Phud

Re: No issues with the sentencing, but...

Possibly not, many of the twat-right see Vlad as a hero for his stance on how 'unnatural' homosexuality is.

He'd be a fekkin' hero.

4
2

The future often starts as a toy, so don't shun toy VR this Christmas

Elmer Phud

Re: I'd save some money back...

I wish I'd had the money to do all that.

A cheap VR can bring many of these things to those who could never actually go to these places.

4
2
Elmer Phud

and . . .

basic light meter, spirit level, Wi-Fi sniffer . . .

0
0

Telstra's answers El Reg's Smart Home security questions

Elmer Phud

A cold winter?

Xmas means lots and lots of shiny-shiny.

With all the IoT adverts there will be lot of the stuff installed/bunged in.

Also lots of press about ease of access.

Bored teenagers over Xmas looking for holes in the neighbours network . . .

0
0

What went wrong at Tesco Bank?

Elmer Phud

Re: Given current reporting

They are while there is a possibility of Trump going ahead with a 45% levy on Chinese kit.

Double Trumped

0
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