* Posts by Elmer Phud

4434 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

Elmer Phud
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Re: Hey Pinky!

"hands swell up like balloons..."

Sometimes referred to as 'Gilmouritis'

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Elmer Phud
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Mr Dabbs,

That has to be one of your finest, the segue from furry tongues to Siri buggers is a work of art.

It must be nearly lunchtime . . .

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Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

Elmer Phud
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Father Ted time?

The bigger ones are closer.

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Ubuntu wants to slurp PCs' vital statistics – even location – with new desktop installs

Elmer Phud
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Ah ha ha ha h a!

And they flocked to Ubuntu 'cos 'Windoze is EEvyl'.

bless

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Bloke sues Microsoft: Give me $600m – or my copy of Windows 7 back

Elmer Phud
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Well-named plaintiff

I'm sure the T&C's will have covered it.

Something like -- 'we reserve the right to do what we like with out software'

as opposed to Apples' 'All your device belong to us!'.

He's got off lightly

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Sorry, Elon, your Tesla roadster won't orbit for billions of years

Elmer Phud
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What about the . .

I am waiting for the 'millionaire to crash car in to Earth, untold damage to wildlife expected, sign my petition NOW!' post.

BUT what if the car misses the earth as the planet is only showing its thin edge and not the full-pizza?

Or what if it plunges all the way through a thin bit?

Science, eh? doesn't tell you everything does it?

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Roses are red, Ajit Pai is tickled. Broadband from SpaceX gets him out of a pickle

Elmer Phud
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Re: How Come The USA Thinks It Owns All The Slots In Space?

Who put GPS up there in the first place?

What was its purpose?

Do you watch weather forecasts? own a phone? drive using SatNav? etc.

ONLY SATELLITES FOR THE RIGHT PEOPLE!! eh?

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Hua-no-wei! NSA, FBI, CIA bosses put Chinese mobe makers on blast

Elmer Phud
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Re: China trash.

Shirley it should be 'down-vote' or at least 'downvote'?

Well, at least 'losers' was spelt correctly for once.

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You dopes! US state's pot dealer database pwned after security goes up in smoke

Elmer Phud
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"or what their aims for breaching the site may have been. "

Location, location, location -- then a few big trucks late at night?

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Why aren't you being arbiters of truth? MPs scream at Facebook, YouTube, Twitter

Elmer Phud
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Re: Why?

and yet,

here you are . . .

on a site that, for some, is a manufacturer and distributor of fake news

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Elmer Phud
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Other big business is different, somehow.

Other industries that have a large impact on people seem to be able to 'sign a pledge' or 'keep to a code of conduct' and the like -- so why do MP's want to legislate on social media while basically letting others get way with anything as long as there is a pointless slogan tacked on.

'Drinkaware'

'Gambleaware'

Anything to do with money and directorships?

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No yolking matter: Google Translate cock-up gives Norwegians more than un œuf eggs

Elmer Phud
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Re: Can't say I noticed anything out of the ordinary for a Reg article

Oh, such fun.

Translate often used when commentards start whining about 'use proper English' --which usually gets turned in to a shiny Polish lure and dropped back in the water . . .

If they reply then the game is on -- random and mixed translation.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Photo

This is no yolking matter!

He almost had to shell out on the deal.

That's the trouble these days, everything viewed from the perspective of whites.

Crafty gits will have you done ova in a second!

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Elmer Phud
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"I wouldn't trust is as far as I could through the Mountain View HQ."

I'd trust their spillchucker, though.

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US Senate mulls giving Huawei and ZTE the Kaspersky treatment

Elmer Phud
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snafu

The more the 'threat of North Korea' is embedded in the U.S., the more we realise that the donald just wants to be Kim.

Total command, total obedience, total nutjob.

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New strife for Strava: Location privacy feature can be made transparent

Elmer Phud
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"“Assuming Strava’s user base is made up of serious cyclists who invest heavily in the best equipment, the app can be used by criminals as an accurate map of where to find expensive bikes they might want to steal.”"

Or maybe, just maybe, people using a FREE app to log routes and rides. People who are not too bothered about the latest and lightest?

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Crooks make US ATMs spew million-plus bucks in 'jackpotting' hacks

Elmer Phud
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Times are a changing

an ATM and Windows story and not one comment slagging off Windows?

(and no fault of Windaaz)

What has happened?

Where are the Penguin Prodders?

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Ubuntu reverting to Xorg in Bionic Beaver

Elmer Phud
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Re: I find this slightly embarassing

Having had things go a bit odd if I've not dug in and turned off 'USB suspend' in the power settings, and seeing my lighting control box go dead -- then be able to restart the lighting software and no-one notice is a good thing.

Sorry folks, I rather like W10 (just like with any penguin flavour - it can take a while to configure things so a smooth ride)

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Blockchain bros' London powwow: Regulation, education, oversaturation

Elmer Phud
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Re: I still don't understand

As soon as I saw 'shitcoin' I realised I was in an already closed space.

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User stepped on mouse, complained pedal wasn’t making PC go faster

Elmer Phud
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And people wonder why GP's want to top themselves when they hear:

"yes, but what I really came for was . . "

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Elmer Phud
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Password standards

Then you need to need to teach her that passwords are, indeed, kept on a Post-It BUT underneath the keyboard!

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Old as the hills

Mouse?

They used to be free with devices.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: If somebody does not understand...

Thus speaks someone who has NEVER experience the joys of training non-tech people (and managers in tech companies).

Ah, if only life was so easy.

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Elon Musk offered no salary, $55bn bonus to run Tesla for a decade

Elmer Phud
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Re: I get this sinking feeling....

It all hinges around the trucks?

Ever looked upwards?

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Facebook invents new unit of time to measure modern attention spans: 1/705,600,000 of a sec

Elmer Phud
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Re: Always Thought that

"I am so glad that I have avoided FB all these years "

You little hero, you.

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Half a terabyte in your smartmobe? Yup. That's possible now

Elmer Phud
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Re: Slang

'according to t'internet it;s been around since at least the early 1700's.

Did they have £50's back then?

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Blockheads changing company names to surf crypto wave get a warning from the SEC

Elmer Phud
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Re: Crypto currency FRAUD?

Not fraud.

But, as with the 'dotcom' rush there will be 'experts' who make a fortune out of not knowing much.

( we can point to current government 'advisors' for proof)

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Crappy Christmas! Dixons Carphone dials back profit expectations

Elmer Phud
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Some, yes.

you'll never get rid of the 'ME FIRST!!' people - though they can be handy for picking up last months flavour really cheap.

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In Soviet California, pedestrian hits you! Bloke throws himself in front of self-driving car

Elmer Phud
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I have misjudged gaps in traffic before and the car going past has slowed down but not me.

Two sets of doorhandles on the nuts was the result.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: re: A lamppost fell over

Not Mussolini?

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OnePlus minus 40,000 credit cards: Smartmobe store hacked to siphon payment info to crooks

Elmer Phud
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Re: Equifax

Handing over even more personal data?

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User had no webcam or mic, complained vid conference didn’t work

Elmer Phud
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Re: Once...

" he went spastic"

Oh really?

REALLY RELLY?

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What do voters want? An IRL Maybot? Sure, give that a whirl

Elmer Phud
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Re: Knock, Knock ....... Who's There? AI Gift Horse :-) I Kid U Not

As long as it's funded by Central Office and not the public at large (or small or anything in between) I think it's worth it.

Though I also suspect that most of the bandwidth will be taken up by those of a Daily Mail persuasion busy telling No. 10 how it SHOULD BE DONE!

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Junk food meets junk money: KFC starts selling Bitcoin Bucket

Elmer Phud
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Re: Oh the irony

"In general I assume"

Bless

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Infamous Silicon Valley 'sex party' exactly as exciting as it sounds

Elmer Phud
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Re: Definitely bullshit.

"Croyden, UK"

Erm, no.

Anyway, sounds like my kids had better parties as teenagers.

(at least there was drugs)

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Facebook has open-sourced encrypted group chat

Elmer Phud
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Bastard Facebook again!

Oh . . .

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Elon Musk lowers his mighty erection for test firing: Falcon Heavy preps for maiden voyage

Elmer Phud
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I don't care!

I don't care about the naysayers.

The idea that some rich bloke continues to have a laugh with his own kit is to be applauded.

BUT the idea that there is a Bowie song in there is bollocks.

It's a Lou Reed song -- Satellite of Love

"satellite's gone way up to Mars,

soon it will be filled with parking cars"

(what do we get - Richard effing Barnson and his non-space plane!)

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Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content

Elmer Phud
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Re: How to be English in Three Easy Steps

Nothing to do with IT?

1:How are crucial employees to revive without the orange elixir?

2:They are Feegles.

3: I'm sure that intense therapy will be required to get over the shock, time to start on the Xmas single malt collection.

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UK Foreign Sec Bojo to tell Kremlin: Stop your cyber shenanigans... or else!

Elmer Phud
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I bet . . .

. . . The Russians already knew what he was going to say, having read his 'highly confidential 'notes before he did.

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Weed wish you a merry Christmas: Pot-toting OAPs tell cops 30kg stash is for pressies

Elmer Phud
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Basic mistake

When carrying drive carefully -- but not too carefully.

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Oh good. Transport for London gives Capita £80m for WAN, LAN and Wi-Fi

Elmer Phud
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Oh shit!

Crapita are reducing the support for schools etc. by having far fewer humans to answer phones.

And, as a company, they are slowly dropping in the to shitter.

But, best to ensure the top folks get a wee Xmas bonus

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Twitter's not dreaming of a white supremacist Xmas: Accounts nuked

Elmer Phud
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How about?

Is Stephen Yaxley on the list?

He changed his name to a more 'WW2 Tommy' type moniker and cosied up to some lovely folks in Poland, the mobile gobshite is always ready to blame a dog's bad fart as a Musim terror attack.

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Facebook confesses: Facebook is bad for you

Elmer Phud
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Ah well . . .

. . . back to Habbo Hotel then

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How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

Elmer Phud
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Re: If the engineer has a quiet moment...

"Shared Service"

Not enough line plant to go round.

Two lines -one pair, switched by earth return to exchange

(Oh, the memories)

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BT lab domain grab – 17 years after cheeky chap swiped 'em

Elmer Phud
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Re: Martlesham Heath

People I knew who worked there referred to it as the Blasted Heath'..

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SpaceX 'raises' an extra 100 million bucks to get His Muskiness to Mars

Elmer Phud
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Re: Please keep going

Presumably with the telephone sanitisers and estate agents

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Apple embraces El Reg! iOS 11 is now biting the hand that types IT

Elmer Phud
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Shirley . .

. . . they've not been cutting corners

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That $10,000 Facebook bug: Photos shafted, addicts screwed by polls

Elmer Phud
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Re: Simpler solution

my email was on a Yahoo! server . . .

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Pokémon GO caused hundreds of deaths, increased crashes

Elmer Phud
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Cleaning in progess

OK, so the gene-pool boy has got round to doing a bit of cleaning at the shallow end.

Is this a bad thing?

Is Pokemon really a tool of Eugenics?

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The Social Network™ releases its data networking code

Elmer Phud
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Re: It's Monday morning, let's hope BT are already analysing the code on Git-Hub.

It needs BT to be able to reciprocate the old LLU stuff -- let them now use other peoples ducting.

BT were not allowed to lay new duct on my side of the street - only a cable company that has now been assimilated in to one of the Borgs that are the other big suppliers.

That or doing a new O/H run for me in fibre.

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