* Posts by Elmer Phud

4391 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: If the engineer has a quiet moment...

"Shared Service"

Not enough line plant to go round.

Two lines -one pair, switched by earth return to exchange

(Oh, the memories)

5
0

BT lab domain grab – 17 years after cheeky chap swiped 'em

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Martlesham Heath

People I knew who worked there referred to it as the Blasted Heath'..

5
0

SpaceX 'raises' an extra 100 million bucks to get His Muskiness to Mars

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Please keep going

Presumably with the telephone sanitisers and estate agents

14
0

Apple embraces El Reg! iOS 11 is now biting the hand that types IT

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Shirley . .

. . . they've not been cutting corners

5
0

That $10,000 Facebook bug: Photos shafted, addicts screwed by polls

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Simpler solution

my email was on a Yahoo! server . . .

0
0

Pokémon GO caused hundreds of deaths, increased crashes

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Cleaning in progess

OK, so the gene-pool boy has got round to doing a bit of cleaning at the shallow end.

Is this a bad thing?

Is Pokemon really a tool of Eugenics?

5
11

The Social Network™ releases its data networking code

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: It's Monday morning, let's hope BT are already analysing the code on Git-Hub.

It needs BT to be able to reciprocate the old LLU stuff -- let them now use other peoples ducting.

BT were not allowed to lay new duct on my side of the street - only a cable company that has now been assimilated in to one of the Borgs that are the other big suppliers.

That or doing a new O/H run for me in fibre.

0
1

It's artificial! It's intelligent! It's in my home! And it's gone bonkers!

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Applause

At times Dabbsy (jumpers for goalposts, isn't it) is on par with Frankie Boyle in full flow.

Such beauty is wasted on the visitors here, this really does need sharing to the world,

especially as it seems we share a similar point of view as regards white-goods appliances.

I like the way the dishwasher and washing machine both adjust for loads and stuff but I want to tell them to do it. I don't want the washing machine moaning because I've loaded the 'wrong' fabrics for that particular programme or the dishwasher deciding it doesn't like my cheap cutlery - then going on the John Lewis site it for something 'nice'.

7
0

It's 2017 – and your Windows PC can be forced to run malware-stuffed Excel macros

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: IE and Edge

And when you do updates you ARE using a bit of IE, but never mind.

Your blind panic is admirable but very much of the tin-foul hattery.

Your insecurity is the way in to your machine -- you are an easy mark.

0
3
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Nope, 'cos all of them rely on 'tech' these days

1
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: IE and Edge CVEs ????

NO!!!

2
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Dear MS, you suck arse.

Good grief -- is Ms the ONLY author of these programmes?

Are there other SW firms involved?

Who the F runs updates every single minute 'just to be sure'?

1
5

Augmented reality: Like it or not, only Apple's ready for the data-vomit gush

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Just wondering if folks are waiting for Facebook to sort out a generic device so they can all rant about how FB is taking over the world

1
0

Openreach fibre plan for 10m premises coming 'before Christmas'

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Isn't Wifi/5G a viable and cheaper option

"rather than digging up roads and pulling expensive cables/fibres."

In some areas al that is needed is a small change in the law to allow BT to use competitors ducting.

(It'd mean I could get full-fat fibre)

2
1

Firefox 57: Good news? It's nippy. Bad news? It'll also trash your add-ons

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Arrrgh!

I use Social Fixer to get Facebook to make sense, they have a constant battle with FB and FF tweaking code.

Mozilla constantly screw with bits of code and just wait for others to sort out the fall-out.

5
0

UK Home Sec thinks a Minority Report-style AI will prevent people posting bad things

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Amazon?

Nah, more like Tesco on-line ordering.

"You said 'bums' and we decided you like bombs"

2
0

Cisco's John Chambers: Robot farmers will feed bloated cricket thoraxes to our children

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

The Big Mac Mosquito with moho!

2
0

More expensive, takes longer than usual, not particularly brilliant. Yes, it's your robot surgeon

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Other examples?

Are any other operation costs and times available for comparison?

Examples seem very limited in number.

3
0

This could be our favorite gadget of 2017: A portable projector

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

erm

I used the wall of a marquee to project on to.

Superb job.

Oh, and I've also got a roll of rear-projection sheeting that can be hung between trees -- I am far to old to be a 'millennial' but not too old to think of easy ways to show movies in the woods.

9
0

Firefox bookmark saving add-on gives users that sync-ing feeling

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

BUt I can't find my --oh, never mind

It's not as if those specialised 'entertainment' sites will be still there.

0
0

No humans allowed: How would a machine-centric data centre look?

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: But who puts the clothes into the washing machine?

Ah, you mean the cleaner

0
0

Those IT gadget freebies you picked up this year? They make AWFUL Christmas presents

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: My Modern definition of Middle Class

I'm on hormone treatment for Prostate cancer -- main problem is hot flushes (ask yer missus) which are made spectacularly worse with alcohol.

But people keep giving me booze -- I have loads of wine and a fair collection of single malts and gins.

I've informed my consultant that (hopefully) in a year or so when I can stop the Hormone stuff, I intend on getting in to serious training to be an alcoholic.

36
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

freebie USB sticks

I still have an old BT freebie stick with a massive 125M storage.

(not much use as I rip music at FLAC)

But it's main failing is the case is so FAT you cannot get the thin into a spare USB port if there is another plug next door.

Huge thing for the tiny chip inside

15
0

Ailing BT division snuggles up with AWS to flog cloudy services

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Global

Ah, take me back to the heady days when a BT team crossed the globe looking for buyers of the Monarch PBX system.

It think it got three sales.

0
0

Caption this: Capita staff picket a bunch o'er pickled pensions

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: First photo

'Pen-tester steals pen' - shirley

1
0

Comet 67-P farted just as Rosetta probe flew through the gas plume

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Theories

"Evaporation of ice alone can't explain the energy required to shoot lots of dust up into space, leaving astroboffins wondering what lurked beneath the surface of 67P that could power a plume."

I am waiting for the barrage of 'Someone or thing that didn't want us there!!!'

(but using a lot more Caps)

5
0

NHS could have 'fended off' WannaCry by taking 'simple steps' – report

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Easy to mitigate

some some dosh on competent IT staff rather than guaranteed bonuses and rises for the 1%?

30
1
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

but where does the money come form --

Oh, the numerous failed attempts of doing it all on the cheap but spunking the dosh on 'guaranteed' bonuses - no matter how much of a total fuck-up was made.

BUT they will STILL blame the 'NHS' and not the ministers who wrap chains around one pot of money while encouraging their mates to have a dip (or two, or three)

48
6

Boss put chocolate cake on aircon controller, to stop people using it

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Steak

Used to work in a place with a tiny server room with huge air intake.

All was fine apart from a nearby company kitchen that sometimes pumped out the aroma of steak and garlic.

The hazard in the room was of saliva.

36
0

Li-ion batteries blow up because they breed nanowire crystals

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Die -- lithium crystals!

17
0

Interstellar space rock screams through Solar System

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: An eccentricity of 1.2 ...

Is that a normal deviation of the full Jacob Rees-Mogg?

11
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Excession?

Planet looks useful, may need to re-start with mew terraforming package as 'current' inhabitants have made such a mess.

Recommend fresh start -- current surface humanoid surface dwellers not vital for regeneration --oh and the Dolphins say ''Hi' to everyone, took yer bloody time'

26
1

Scroll, scroll, scroll your note gently down the screen. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, FB's code's a dream

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

end of all days

pray tell, which demonic overlord social media bastards are next on your list?

which is next month's favourite bete noir?

0
2

Malware hidden in vid app is so nasty, victims should wipe their Macs

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Macs and PCs aren't so very different

African or European?

13
2
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Nuke from orbit

Or that other chappie?

19
0

Openreach offers duct-off providers 'OSA Filter' instead of Dark Fibre Access

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

I could do with a 'fair' LLU.

I'd like full-fat fibre but there's no BT U/G on my side of the street - mine is via O/H while the green cabinet just up the road is only 1/4 full

0
0

Grant Shapps of coup shame fame stands by 'broadbad' research

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

LLU?

So, Big Boy, when will BT be able to use the fibre cabinet on MY side of the road so I can get straight fibre and not via O/H?

1
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: He cites his own constituency experience in Essendon...

He is well known locally for his appearances at charity do's, as if he has saved the world - again, yet has been 'working remote' all the rest of the time except for brief gurning in front of press cameras.

6
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Thumb Up

"Shapps is personable and energetic."

Amazingly polite, well done.

The strain shows.

4
0

Elon Musk says Harry Potter and Bob the Builder will get SpaceX flying to Mars

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

IPV8?

2
1

Rejecting Sonos' private data slurp basically bricks bloke's boombox

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

nice

Users = the kit I bought wont work unless I let you rummage, can I please use the kit I paid for?

Sonos = piss off.

9
0

North Korean hackers allegedly probing US utilities for weaknesses

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

I'd have been surprised

if they hadn't been busy.

Is it not the job of each security service to find out how to get past other folks' security?

What do we pay our snoopers for, after all?

3
0

'Israel hacked Kaspersky and caught Russian spies using AV tool to harvest NSA exploits'

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: TheRegister climbdown - translated to donaldspeak

Register bad.

Kaspersky bad, bad.

Israel big friends.

Watch out Kaspersky, bigly bigly trouble coming your way.

I did not blow faux Lenin wet kisses.

21
1

Three words: Synthetic gene circuit. Self-assembling bacteria build pressure sensor

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

I welcome our new etc. etc.

But are they one of the 1% that can't be got at with a spray, wipe or duck?

6
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

It's what curious monkeys do.

No-one died as a result of Rocket going so fast ladies were advised not to travel.

We got trains, mostly they have been good.

Without messing about with atoms we'd be in a right sorry state.

I'd suggest that the invention of air-conditioning has screwed up over more than nuclear.

All they do is create more heat . .

17
0

Cortana, please finish my sentences in Skype texts for me

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Haven't we been here already/yet?

"Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'."

13
1

Zuck shows Virtual Empathy by visiting Puerto Rico in VR

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

but . . .

Even if VR - Zuck has still spent more time there than the Donald.

but then, to the Donald, anywhere not US is virtually non-existent to him anyway.

2
3

Boffins' bonkers fibre demo: 53 Tbps down ONE piece of glass

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: All nice but...

Let's cut out the middle-man.

Why doesn't GCHQ become an ISP promising breathtaking speeds?

The small print would be interesting.

11
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

I'd just be happy if BT was allowed to use the fibre that runs past my house instead of being forced to go O/H

2
0

Blade Runner 2049 review: Scott's vision versus Villeneuve's skill

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Ruined by fan service and truly awful product placement

Shirley not the Pan-Am logos?

Or Atari?

0
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017