* Posts by Elmer Phud

4481 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

Elmer Phud
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Tiny hands find huge feet to shoot.

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New York State is trying to ban 'deepfakes' and Hollywood isn't happy

Elmer Phud
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Re: It's come on

I sure beats 16 colour Gifs, but then that's all we had back then.

If the corporates find themselves faced with a more productive DIY industry that has taken to their bedrooms and are making pretty decent clips, will we now see something as silly as 'home taping is killing music'?

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RoboCop-ter: Boffins build drone to pinpoint brutal thugs in crowds

Elmer Phud
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So . . .

. . . why not start a mock disturbance elsewhere to keep the drone busy sending heavies over while you . . .

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UK Foreign Sec BoJo asks tech firms to save endangered species

Elmer Phud
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""I've just come back from the Amazon, one of Earth's natural wonders,"

And you want a fucking plane of your own to screw over 'Earth's natural wonders'!

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'Tesco probably knows more about me than GCHQ': Infosec boffins on surveillance capitalism

Elmer Phud
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Poles apart

Round here Tesco does Polish stuff but there are also several Polish shops that give far better service.

Demographics have always been collected by Tesco, as the local Jewish population got older and moved out (or up) there was an influx of Asian families and Tesco suddenly had decent rice at a decent price. For a while, though, if you wanted Scotch Bonnet chillies you'd have to go either west to Tesco Neasden or east to Tesco Tottenham.

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Facebook finally fully embraces GDPR – Generally Derailing Pages Recklessly

Elmer Phud
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Nothing new

Anyone running 'Social Fixer' to wrest control of Facebook will be well aware of almost constant code changes.

Just as you've wrestled FaceAche in to submission and hidden or stopped allthe annoying shit they change a bit of code and half your filters don't work as they ought to.

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Britain mulls 'complete shutdown' of 4G net for emergency services

Elmer Phud
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"When fully operational, ESN is expected to cost £800 per device per year,"

Oh, that 's that then. Buggered.

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Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

Elmer Phud
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Money is NO object.

No doubt he wil use other people's money (ours) , demand more then bugger off just as everything goes iffy.

Virgin on the silly.

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Elmer Phud
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Oh great

You give them access to your media library and religion -

Alexa, are you the Messiah

"Of course she is, I should know I've followed enough"

Though

"yes, now fuck off" would be preferable.

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London's Met Police: We won't use facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

Elmer Phud
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In the old days

They used to have loads of cops with SLR and video cameras on the Westway -but then there were even enough cops for local foot patrols.

Will they now be reduced to having to take thousands of selfies with obvious perps and ne-er do wells?

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About to install the Windows 10 April 2018 Update? You might want to wait a little bit longer

Elmer Phud
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Re: Seriously

I'm having to deal with constant calls from one mate about Kaspersky being far too intrusive.

Of course, when advised by Kaspersky, he does what Kaspersky asks -- and I have to sort out the resultant mess or lack of access.

'Just don't pay for another year - the reason you get funny emails is that you go on funny sites'. but the bugger still clicked.

Malwarebytes and Defender seem to work well together, I had enough of Avast chewing up resources.

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Elmer Phud
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Bless, your halo is in the post.

mere mortals can't be arsed to faff around with various penguin breeds.

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Elmer Phud
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Was that a Dell issue then and NOT W10?

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Elmer Phud
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If anything it's now easier to slurp audio with Audacity.

Was a bit of a faff before but there's loads of advice on how simple it is to set up Audacity to do this.'

'What U Hear' went ages ago, now you need to do a little bit more.

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Elmer Phud
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So far . . .

. . . I've not had any issues with W10 and AV's, unlike a few folks I know.

But then, I'm only running Defender and don't have other AV progs desperate to keep control at ANY cost.

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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

Elmer Phud
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So, everyone else has to tighten up . . .

but Leveson is taken down a dark alley and shot.

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There will be blood: BT to axe 13,000 employees

Elmer Phud
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Re: No people skills whatsovever

It's been over 10 years since I took the money and legged it.

ten years before that the top levels were saying EXACTLY the same shite

SNAFU

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Elmer Phud
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Re: 106,000??

There used to be about 30 people on the phones to answer calls to the Big Ban's office.

But some in London must be like me - constantly shoved from one building to the next as inter departmental wars were fought for budgets and control of tech.

I ended up being told I was now a Broadband Helldesk bod --which, at the time meant fielding calls from irate customers of OTHER providers who had found a 'modem' in a box of cornflakes (standard issue, cheap and shite while the Tadpole just worked).

The job was dealing with other companies not even looking at work and marking them 'BT Fault' then dumping them in in our work queues.

Oh Talk_talk you may have changed your name but NEVER your practices and as for Virigin --- standard Branson promises of Unicorn poo that was never delivered.

At least I had several years of working in some of the best touristy bits of London.

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LESTER looks up, spins its wheels: The Register’s beer-butler can see ...

Elmer Phud
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Collision waver

"The next step will be to add proximity detection to stop LESTER from enthusiastically ramming the PFY "

But leaving it as an option.

Sometimes they need a nudge or two.

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GoDaddy exiles altright.com after civil rights group complaint

Elmer Phud
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and where did the biffers go?

(biffers - if they can't learn the English language I ain't gonna capitalise)

biffers now are residing on a server stuff with other far-right exiles.

Best of all, for all the 'give England back' and all that bollocks, the server is on a British Protectorate haven.

Bless, they really keep 'em coming, the dears.

Can't wait for Screechy and Porky to get out, brave ikkle soldiers, that they are, I've not had as god laugh for a while -- and my cat is being groomed to be Muslim, too!

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Microsoft's latest Windows 10 update downs Chrome, Cortana

Elmer Phud
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I don't mind about Coratana . . .

. . . but now I have to find a replacement Freecell.

Bastards have really gone OTT with the 'pay us to remove annoying shit'.

Others may not look so good but I can ignore the adverts.

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The steaks have never been higher: Swiss Lidl is selling local cannabis

Elmer Phud
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Every Lidl helps

(as title)

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Elmer Phud
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And some . . .

Some like a little doobie, a mini-buzzer, a small hit rather than a big fat bifter.

why?

Because they like to function AND get stoned rather than vegetate on Netflix. Save the heavy eyelids for later on in the day.

Some have been doing this for a very long time - over twice that 25 years.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

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Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Elmer Phud
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Could this mean the end of . . .

The printer help files?

Every time I used to use them they'd circle back and a loop of unhelpful and rapidly awfully familiar pages would appear.

I guess I does teach one to play with the kit out of desperation but . . .

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "Upgrading users should be able to ignore the viewer as before."

Well done., love.

I knew one would be along eventually, bless.

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Shocker: Cambridge Analytica scandal touch-paper Aleksandr Kogan tapped Twitter data too

Elmer Phud
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And people are surprised?

And they STILL wave their Clubcards at tills

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Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, oi oi oi! Tech zillionaire Ray's backdoor crypto for the Feds is Clipper chip v2

Elmer Phud
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New phone please

"It also calls for a security chip that effectively bricks the device when activated by law enforcement,"

Yes, please - total burn-out, that'll stop the buggers from prying.

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Elmer Phud
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Oh, whatever happened to 'Framework'.?

The pre-windows Office.

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Openreach and BT better watch out for... CityFibre after surprise £537m takeover deal

Elmer Phud
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Again?

"it also raises the possibility of over-build issues. Providers could end up targeting the same lucrative areas "

Ah, like the huge cock-up with cable TV.

I can get several cable firms but no BT fibre on my side of the street -- FTTP -pole not premises.

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Brit MPs brand Facebook a 'great vampire squid' out for cash

Elmer Phud
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How very dare they!

I thought that spunking data to the world at large was an HM.Gov thing.

Leaky core systems, laptops, gobby MP's etc.

Or is it that HM.Gov is really pissed off that they haven't made nearly as much out of it as FB?

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Chinese boffins on 3D XPoint: If it works like phase-change memory, it's probably phase-change memory

Elmer Phud
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Someone had ducked-up

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'Your computer has a virus' cold call con artists on the rise – Microsoft

Elmer Phud
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Like an old friend?

Last one I had seemed surprised that I wasn't sure which computer was affected due to me running a network at home.

Eventually I asked if he could tell me which version of Windows it was as there were different versions on different machines.

He went for the only one not running - Windows 7.

I even had one with Vista up -- and that's supposed to have more holes than cartoon cheese!

I let him down gently, even the 'I know your'e a fucking scam artist' bit.

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Capita reports pre-tax LOSS of £515m for 2017

Elmer Phud
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Re: there's good news and bad news

"when they collapse, there'll be no job losses in the UK,"

If only.

My Local Authority has put just about everything in to outsourcing with Crapita as the handling agent.

Many of these people used to work for the LA before being nudged out.

Many are also on better money and that also presents problems.

As with Carillion, if Crapita goes the top end doesn't get affected but that bastard butterfly takes over.

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McDonald's tells Atos to burger off: Da da da da da, we're lobbing IT ...

Elmer Phud
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Sooooo, a 'team' spent a fortnight watching and now everything will be fine and dandy.

It's going to be totally burgered up.

If it was the other firm I'd accuse McD's of telling Whoppers.

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Planned European death ray may not need Brit boffinry brain-picking

Elmer Phud
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Re: It's The Sun wot won it

Damned Germans will be pointing it across the channel and destroying the bluebird nests at Dover!

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A ghoulish tale of pigs, devs and docs revived from the dead

Elmer Phud
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sympathies

"i.e. near the chilly windows that didn't shut properly."

Which is also the same one that the sun mercilessly beams through in warmer days.

Ah, to live with my friend 'the big shredder' and all the other 'corner' occupants again . . .

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Your mouse can't reach that Excel cell? Buy a 'desk extender' said help desk bluffer

Elmer Phud
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Managers?

Having done 'desktop' support for middle-management, Terry Pratchett's 'Lies to Children' comes to mind.

One was whining about having to keep signing stuff all the time -- so I scanned his signature and made a new Word template for him. He was really happy -- and I had a handy copy of his sig . . .

Is there a 'BFOH' club badge available?

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Android P will hear no evil, see no evil, support evil notches

Elmer Phud
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name?

Back to basics with Androiod?

Phonie Mc Phone Phace

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I'm anti-Google, please elect me: Senate hopeful rides tech backlash

Elmer Phud
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Google

And those folks wanting to join the anti-BigTech throng --where do they search for more and more conspiracies?

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US Army warns of the potential dangers of swarming toy drones on US soldiers

Elmer Phud
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Coo . . .

It's like the SF books of old.

Or how about a swarm of drones where just one breaks off to carry out an attack on a ventilation duct . . .

Ah sod it, I'm off to get a Mist Net and some bigger drones . . .

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Fancy sitting in a Level 4 driverless car roaming London? Get in line

Elmer Phud
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another one

Yet another slow-moving obstacle to be accounted for while on my bike.

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Britain ignores booze guidelines – heads for the pub

Elmer Phud
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As the junkies battle their way to the pub in the snow . . .

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UK's Dyson to vacuum up 300 staffers for its electric car division

Elmer Phud
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Dyson again?

Is the 'Saviour of British Industry going to do the usual?

rinse the public purse again then manufacture in China and pick up another 'british trade' award?

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Paul Allen's six-engined monster plane prepares for space deliveries

Elmer Phud
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Re: Suspects....

you can't see?

Ah well.

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Drones replace models on Dolce & Gabbana catwalk

Elmer Phud
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Why oh Why oh WHy?

Did they put up such a huge advert for :'come and screw our drones over' and NO-ONE took up the offer?

"kept the crowds waiting for over an hour on Sunday while displaying multilingual and insistent requests to turn off anything capable of connecting to or creating a WiFi signal."

Are drones really THAT flakey?

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The phone OS that muggers wouldn't touch is back from the dead

Elmer Phud
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Re: If you really want to stand out in the crowd

Excuse me while I whip this out

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Private browsing isn't: Boffins say smut-mode can't hide your tracks

Elmer Phud
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Veil, eh?

That name will go down well with the usual suspects . . .

"Another piece of Muslimification!"

"Terrorist software"

"Dark Net"

etc.

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HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

Elmer Phud
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Re: Hey Pinky!

"hands swell up like balloons..."

Sometimes referred to as 'Gilmouritis'

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Elmer Phud
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Mr Dabbs,

That has to be one of your finest, the segue from furry tongues to Siri buggers is a work of art.

It must be nearly lunchtime . . .

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Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

Elmer Phud
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Father Ted time?

The bigger ones are closer.

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