* Posts by Elmer Phud

4446 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

A ghoulish tale of pigs, devs and docs revived from the dead

Elmer Phud
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sympathies

"i.e. near the chilly windows that didn't shut properly."

Which is also the same one that the sun mercilessly beams through in warmer days.

Ah, to live with my friend 'the big shredder' and all the other 'corner' occupants again . . .

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Your mouse can't reach that Excel cell? Buy a 'desk extender' said help desk bluffer

Elmer Phud
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Managers?

Having done 'desktop' support for middle-management, Terry Pratchett's 'Lies to Children' comes to mind.

One was whining about having to keep signing stuff all the time -- so I scanned his signature and made a new Word template for him. He was really happy -- and I had a handy copy of his sig . . .

Is there a 'BFOH' club badge available?

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Android P will hear no evil, see no evil, support evil notches

Elmer Phud
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name?

Back to basics with Androiod?

Phonie Mc Phone Phace

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I'm anti-Google, please elect me: Senate hopeful rides tech backlash

Elmer Phud
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Google

And those folks wanting to join the anti-BigTech throng --where do they search for more and more conspiracies?

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US Army warns of the potential dangers of swarming toy drones on US soldiers

Elmer Phud
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Coo . . .

It's like the SF books of old.

Or how about a swarm of drones where just one breaks off to carry out an attack on a ventilation duct . . .

Ah sod it, I'm off to get a Mist Net and some bigger drones . . .

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Fancy sitting in a Level 4 driverless car roaming London? Get in line

Elmer Phud
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another one

Yet another slow-moving obstacle to be accounted for while on my bike.

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Britain ignores booze guidelines – heads for the pub

Elmer Phud
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As the junkies battle their way to the pub in the snow . . .

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UK's Dyson to vacuum up 300 staffers for its electric car division

Elmer Phud
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Dyson again?

Is the 'Saviour of British Industry going to do the usual?

rinse the public purse again then manufacture in China and pick up another 'british trade' award?

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Paul Allen's six-engined monster plane prepares for space deliveries

Elmer Phud
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Re: Suspects....

you can't see?

Ah well.

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Drones replace models on Dolce & Gabbana catwalk

Elmer Phud
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Why oh Why oh WHy?

Did they put up such a huge advert for :'come and screw our drones over' and NO-ONE took up the offer?

"kept the crowds waiting for over an hour on Sunday while displaying multilingual and insistent requests to turn off anything capable of connecting to or creating a WiFi signal."

Are drones really THAT flakey?

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The phone OS that muggers wouldn't touch is back from the dead

Elmer Phud
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Re: If you really want to stand out in the crowd

Excuse me while I whip this out

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Private browsing isn't: Boffins say smut-mode can't hide your tracks

Elmer Phud
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Veil, eh?

That name will go down well with the usual suspects . . .

"Another piece of Muslimification!"

"Terrorist software"

"Dark Net"

etc.

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HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

Elmer Phud
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Re: Hey Pinky!

"hands swell up like balloons..."

Sometimes referred to as 'Gilmouritis'

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Elmer Phud
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Mr Dabbs,

That has to be one of your finest, the segue from furry tongues to Siri buggers is a work of art.

It must be nearly lunchtime . . .

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Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

Elmer Phud
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Father Ted time?

The bigger ones are closer.

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Ubuntu wants to slurp PCs' vital statistics – even location – with new desktop installs

Elmer Phud
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Ah ha ha ha h a!

And they flocked to Ubuntu 'cos 'Windoze is EEvyl'.

bless

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Bloke sues Microsoft: Give me $600m – or my copy of Windows 7 back

Elmer Phud
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Well-named plaintiff

I'm sure the T&C's will have covered it.

Something like -- 'we reserve the right to do what we like with out software'

as opposed to Apples' 'All your device belong to us!'.

He's got off lightly

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Sorry, Elon, your Tesla roadster won't orbit for billions of years

Elmer Phud
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What about the . .

I am waiting for the 'millionaire to crash car in to Earth, untold damage to wildlife expected, sign my petition NOW!' post.

BUT what if the car misses the earth as the planet is only showing its thin edge and not the full-pizza?

Or what if it plunges all the way through a thin bit?

Science, eh? doesn't tell you everything does it?

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Roses are red, Ajit Pai is tickled. Broadband from SpaceX gets him out of a pickle

Elmer Phud
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Re: How Come The USA Thinks It Owns All The Slots In Space?

Who put GPS up there in the first place?

What was its purpose?

Do you watch weather forecasts? own a phone? drive using SatNav? etc.

ONLY SATELLITES FOR THE RIGHT PEOPLE!! eh?

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Hua-no-wei! NSA, FBI, CIA bosses put Chinese mobe makers on blast

Elmer Phud
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Re: China trash.

Shirley it should be 'down-vote' or at least 'downvote'?

Well, at least 'losers' was spelt correctly for once.

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You dopes! US state's pot dealer database pwned after security goes up in smoke

Elmer Phud
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"or what their aims for breaching the site may have been. "

Location, location, location -- then a few big trucks late at night?

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Why aren't you being arbiters of truth? MPs scream at Facebook, YouTube, Twitter

Elmer Phud
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Re: Why?

and yet,

here you are . . .

on a site that, for some, is a manufacturer and distributor of fake news

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Elmer Phud
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Other big business is different, somehow.

Other industries that have a large impact on people seem to be able to 'sign a pledge' or 'keep to a code of conduct' and the like -- so why do MP's want to legislate on social media while basically letting others get way with anything as long as there is a pointless slogan tacked on.

'Drinkaware'

'Gambleaware'

Anything to do with money and directorships?

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No yolking matter: Google Translate cock-up gives Norwegians more than un œuf eggs

Elmer Phud
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Happy

Re: Can't say I noticed anything out of the ordinary for a Reg article

Oh, such fun.

Translate often used when commentards start whining about 'use proper English' --which usually gets turned in to a shiny Polish lure and dropped back in the water . . .

If they reply then the game is on -- random and mixed translation.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Photo

This is no yolking matter!

He almost had to shell out on the deal.

That's the trouble these days, everything viewed from the perspective of whites.

Crafty gits will have you done ova in a second!

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Elmer Phud
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"I wouldn't trust is as far as I could through the Mountain View HQ."

I'd trust their spillchucker, though.

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US Senate mulls giving Huawei and ZTE the Kaspersky treatment

Elmer Phud
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snafu

The more the 'threat of North Korea' is embedded in the U.S., the more we realise that the donald just wants to be Kim.

Total command, total obedience, total nutjob.

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New strife for Strava: Location privacy feature can be made transparent

Elmer Phud
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"“Assuming Strava’s user base is made up of serious cyclists who invest heavily in the best equipment, the app can be used by criminals as an accurate map of where to find expensive bikes they might want to steal.”"

Or maybe, just maybe, people using a FREE app to log routes and rides. People who are not too bothered about the latest and lightest?

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Crooks make US ATMs spew million-plus bucks in 'jackpotting' hacks

Elmer Phud
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Times are a changing

an ATM and Windows story and not one comment slagging off Windows?

(and no fault of Windaaz)

What has happened?

Where are the Penguin Prodders?

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Ubuntu reverting to Xorg in Bionic Beaver

Elmer Phud
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Re: I find this slightly embarassing

Having had things go a bit odd if I've not dug in and turned off 'USB suspend' in the power settings, and seeing my lighting control box go dead -- then be able to restart the lighting software and no-one notice is a good thing.

Sorry folks, I rather like W10 (just like with any penguin flavour - it can take a while to configure things so a smooth ride)

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Blockchain bros' London powwow: Regulation, education, oversaturation

Elmer Phud
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Re: I still don't understand

As soon as I saw 'shitcoin' I realised I was in an already closed space.

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User stepped on mouse, complained pedal wasn’t making PC go faster

Elmer Phud
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And people wonder why GP's want to top themselves when they hear:

"yes, but what I really came for was . . "

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Elmer Phud
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Password standards

Then you need to need to teach her that passwords are, indeed, kept on a Post-It BUT underneath the keyboard!

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Old as the hills

Mouse?

They used to be free with devices.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: If somebody does not understand...

Thus speaks someone who has NEVER experience the joys of training non-tech people (and managers in tech companies).

Ah, if only life was so easy.

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Elon Musk offered no salary, $55bn bonus to run Tesla for a decade

Elmer Phud
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Re: I get this sinking feeling....

It all hinges around the trucks?

Ever looked upwards?

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Facebook invents new unit of time to measure modern attention spans: 1/705,600,000 of a sec

Elmer Phud
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Re: Always Thought that

"I am so glad that I have avoided FB all these years "

You little hero, you.

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Half a terabyte in your smartmobe? Yup. That's possible now

Elmer Phud
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Re: Slang

'according to t'internet it;s been around since at least the early 1700's.

Did they have £50's back then?

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Blockheads changing company names to surf crypto wave get a warning from the SEC

Elmer Phud
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Re: Crypto currency FRAUD?

Not fraud.

But, as with the 'dotcom' rush there will be 'experts' who make a fortune out of not knowing much.

( we can point to current government 'advisors' for proof)

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Crappy Christmas! Dixons Carphone dials back profit expectations

Elmer Phud
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Some, yes.

you'll never get rid of the 'ME FIRST!!' people - though they can be handy for picking up last months flavour really cheap.

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In Soviet California, pedestrian hits you! Bloke throws himself in front of self-driving car

Elmer Phud
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I have misjudged gaps in traffic before and the car going past has slowed down but not me.

Two sets of doorhandles on the nuts was the result.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: re: A lamppost fell over

Not Mussolini?

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OnePlus minus 40,000 credit cards: Smartmobe store hacked to siphon payment info to crooks

Elmer Phud
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Re: Equifax

Handing over even more personal data?

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User had no webcam or mic, complained vid conference didn’t work

Elmer Phud
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Re: Once...

" he went spastic"

Oh really?

REALLY RELLY?

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What do voters want? An IRL Maybot? Sure, give that a whirl

Elmer Phud
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Re: Knock, Knock ....... Who's There? AI Gift Horse :-) I Kid U Not

As long as it's funded by Central Office and not the public at large (or small or anything in between) I think it's worth it.

Though I also suspect that most of the bandwidth will be taken up by those of a Daily Mail persuasion busy telling No. 10 how it SHOULD BE DONE!

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Junk food meets junk money: KFC starts selling Bitcoin Bucket

Elmer Phud
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Re: Oh the irony

"In general I assume"

Bless

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Infamous Silicon Valley 'sex party' exactly as exciting as it sounds

Elmer Phud
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Re: Definitely bullshit.

"Croyden, UK"

Erm, no.

Anyway, sounds like my kids had better parties as teenagers.

(at least there was drugs)

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Facebook has open-sourced encrypted group chat

Elmer Phud
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Bastard Facebook again!

Oh . . .

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Elon Musk lowers his mighty erection for test firing: Falcon Heavy preps for maiden voyage

Elmer Phud
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I don't care!

I don't care about the naysayers.

The idea that some rich bloke continues to have a laugh with his own kit is to be applauded.

BUT the idea that there is a Bowie song in there is bollocks.

It's a Lou Reed song -- Satellite of Love

"satellite's gone way up to Mars,

soon it will be filled with parking cars"

(what do we get - Richard effing Barnson and his non-space plane!)

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Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content

Elmer Phud
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Re: How to be English in Three Easy Steps

Nothing to do with IT?

1:How are crucial employees to revive without the orange elixir?

2:They are Feegles.

3: I'm sure that intense therapy will be required to get over the shock, time to start on the Xmas single malt collection.

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