Posts by Ketlan

Yum...

I'm hungry now.

Dix R'Us

"Dix Warehouse"

Oh, how I wish that were true.

I can't believe I enjoyed reading that. There must be something wrong with me.

Smelly pirates ahoy...

"And we shall go about telling people you smell."

Actually, that'd probably work a lot better than the current crappy plan.

Mogpiss Monday Blues

'True fact: Your CAT wees for as long as you do'

Except when it's a neighbour's cat and it's pissing all over my garden (and don't even get me started on cat's crapping everywhere).

Slurp this...

I've been told I look a bit like a teddy bear. Sorted. No batteries required either.

About bloody time!

'The Labour Party has promised to put the brakes on the deeply troubled Universal Credit system for three months...'

It's about time Labour got off its communal arse and announced that it will kick UC into touch permanently, along with that moronic liar Iain Duncan Smith.

My naughty Aunt M

My very naughty Aunt M was shagging the science master at the posh school they both worked at when I was a mere sprog. Said master wore a white coat in the lab so Auntie M could have been said to have been boffing the boffin, the bad girl.

Still better than muffin the mule though!

Election ahoy!

'The Register asked the DWP why it needed 12 months to seek out Shiplee's successor.'

Because if they moved any faster they'd run the risk of trying to get the whole UC disaster up and running while trawling for votes. This way, win or lose, UC is a non-issue for the time being. Politics at its most cynical though par for the course for IDS and the rest of this bunch of arse dildoes.

Oh, dear me...

Winkdex? Seriously? That certainly adds gravitas.

What a shame

'Iran brands Facebook boss Zuckerberg an 'American Zionist''

What a shame If they'd just called him a 'complete wanker', we could all have agreed.

Wotta bargain!

'Tesco to flog its own smartphone'

Can we get two for the price of one?

Gawd...

'He's baaaaack'

Oh, ffs...

Sweaty Betty Ballmer

You'd've thought with a zillion dollars tucked away, Ballmer could afford a decent anti-perspirant.

EA...oh dear

Any partnership with EA is, in my opinion, doomed to failure. Look at the recent Sims fiasco and the constant disaster that is Need For Speed World.

Cheap as chips

'A teardown report on Google Glass is raising eyebrows over suggestions that the augmented reality headset costs as little as $80 to produce.'

Is anybody surprised?

Fab. Er...

These look really good and I'm sure are terribly exciting for a lot of people but I'm really struggling to think of a sensible use for them.

Missing bitdosh

"But where's the missing 650k-ish BTC?"

I'd check under the Winkelvoss' mattress.

S'obvious, innit

It's perfectly obvious to the meanest intelligence (mine); it's Bigfoot having a swim.

Bonkers McAfee

"The other half want to be like John McAfee."

What, a complete nutjob?

Useful stuff

"WSUS Offline is pretty useful. It allows you to make an ISO full of Microsoft updates that you can then install on a bunch of machines without them all fighting to download the updates several times over."

Excellent. Have an upvote. :-)

"A Linux USB stick"

And a downvote for you for trying to score a cheap point inappropriately.

Well done, El Reg. A fine and worthy project.

Whoa!

Bleeding pigs, that was close!

It's not spying if it's information-gathering

"...Sullivan's boss made an angry call to the White House to complain about intelligence agents using Facebook as a conduit for spying on people."

Irony, hypocrisy or just taking the piss?

Graphene, is there anything it can't do?

Can it make a decent cup of tea?

Pffft...

I'd never even heard of WhatsApp before Zuckerberg threw his money at it, so I neither knew nor cared how secure (or otherwise) it was. Strangely enough, now it's part of the Facebook empire, I REALLY don't give a shit.

Meh

"Apple suffered a rare outage last night which knocked iCloud, iTunes and several other fruity websites off the internet."

Oh dear, how sad, don't care.

Not again...

"with the addition of warnings to stop players being consumed by it"

The sub-heading got it right - 'get a life'.

Worra laff

Bizarre that Talula Does The Hula is deeply frowned upon (I thought it was quite sweet) while Number 16 Bus Shelter is approved. It's a very peculiar world.

Mind you, this is from someone who named his youngest son Henry William Twelve Minutes (perfectly legally in the UK) in celebration of the twelve minutes it took from waters breaking to birth.

That's capitalism

It's no good blaming a single country - the fault lies squarely with capitalism as a system. Get rid of that or at the least make it harder for capitalism's worst excesses to damage economies or blight the lives of the people who actually do all the work, and we might end up with a world worth living in.

Eek!

Marsonek doesn't look bonkers at all, does he.

Metabolomics?

"metabolomics"

Turn your head to the left and cough, please.

No Maplins within walking distance but...

"And where does the average slipper-and-cardigan home computer owner find matrix board, resistors and the like in the mid-1990s?"

Tandy (Radio Shack). I managed one of their stores for three ghastly years and while they may be the shittiest of companies from the point of view of the employee, for a geek/nerd they were the resistor/capacitor/componentofyourchoice wet dream. Even now, donkey's years after I left that shit-ridden company, I find it hard to resist (hah - geddit?) going in and rummaging through the bubblepacks of goodies while drooling and fondling everything in sight*.

*I appreciate that this makes me sound a bit weird but fuck you, I don't care.

Hands off the bollocks!

"Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball"

You leave my fucking balls alone!

Can't be there. I'm tucked away in the dark and damp North West. But have a great time and several beers on me, you lucky bastards!

Bye, chaps

"Winklevoss twins say their Bitcoins will take them to SPAAAAACE"

Good.

Everything kills you!

So losing your temper kills you, having the odd cigarette kills you, too much booze kills you and now we're told that too much protein kills you. We're clearly doomed no matter what we do so I'm off to the pub.

Fuck a duck...

They're getting closer (and more frequent).

Pffft...

"Or so says Reticare, a company that, guess what, makes a shield which will "protect" you from this damage."

There's a surprise.