* Posts by Simon Ward

751 posts • joined 3 Apr 2007

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The Reg chats to Ordnance Survey's chief data wrangler

Simon Ward

"Geovation"

Geovation?! Do me a frickin' favour ...

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London suffers from 'sub-standard' connectivity - report

Simon Ward

Fibre, yes.

Gigabit fibre? Nope - UFO is/was only being trialled in some locations on the northern side of the city, and the pimps pushing the soon-to-be-built hipster flats in Stonebow House are pushing it pretty hard (but then it is literally across the road from the main exchange)

Whilst you may be able to spit across York city centre, the 'City of York' area is rather bigger than you might think.

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Simon Ward

Re: Logical the likes of York will be better

In York you can probably fibre up a street in a day

You can, but it'll take the contractors about 6 weeks to clear up the fucking mess they made (eg. a twatting great big hole outside my house with bits of fibre cable and ducting sticking out of it)

Don't ask how I know this.

(Vermin Media have been cabling up the village, although I have zero interest in their services)

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Ex-NASA bod on Gwyneth Paltrow site's 'healing' stickers: 'Wow. What a load of BS'

Simon Ward

Really ... there are no words.

My eyes rolled so hard I had to ask one of my cow-orkers to slap me on the back of the head so I could see straight again.

Fools and their money, etc.

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Amazon squares up to Walmart over boycott calls: Talk sh!t, get hit

Simon Ward

Yo, pot!

The kettle just called - something about being black?

2
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Putting AI to work in finance? Think algorithms, ethics first

Simon Ward

Ethics and finance?

I LOL'd ...

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Microsoft's new Surface laptop defeats teardown – with glue

Simon Ward

Re: That's Surface crossed off my Christmas list, then!

I must be dreaming about doing development work on my Toshiba Chromebook then ... hint: check out Crouton

... and when you open your mouth again, don't forget to change feet.

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Intel: Joule's burned, Edison switched off, and Galileo – Galileo is no more

Simon Ward

Considering how stupidly overpriced this stuff was, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did.

I looked briefly at Galileo and then looked elsewhere when I saw how much it cost.

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Is your research hot or not? US boffins create ‘Tinder for preprints’

Simon Ward

You'd think an academic would know how to spell 'Paper' ...

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You'll soon be buying bulgur wheat salad* from Amazon, after it swallowed Whole Foods

Simon Ward

I've heard that if you cook it up with a bit of butter it helps it slide into the bin more easily.

6
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Uncle Sam █████████ cloud so much, AWS █████████ it another kinda-secret data center

Simon Ward

Like its counterpart on the west coast, the exact location will not be released, for security reasons.

It'll be just outside Covfefe - just you wait and see ...

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I still haven't found what I'm malloc()ing for: U2 tops poll of music today's devs code to

Simon Ward

In the open-plan hellhole where I work you'd be hard put to see anyone *not* wearing headphones - damagement are the obvious exception, what with them being in their ivory towers offices.

What I listen to will depend on what I'm working on and how I'm feeling - there's been a lot of shrieky, guitary stuff of late (eg. Ministry, Napalm Death, Slayer, early Metallica) plus the usual 'classic' rock/metal fayre (eg. Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Motorhead). Quite a bit of electronica, too - ranging from bangin' techno all the way down to full-on beatless ambient. Variety, and all that.

Conversely, when I'm working at home I'm quite content to open the office window and listen to the sounds of birdsong and passing trains.

U2? Taylor Swift? Bollocks to all that ...

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HPE hatches HPE Next – a radical overhaul plan so it won't be HPE Last

Simon Ward

Bingo!

"We are taking a deep look at our end-to-end cost structure, business processes and organisational design. Building this ongoing process into our DNA will ensure that the smaller, nimbler go-forward company is set up to win in the markets where we compete."

Seriously, what the everloving FUCK?!

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Donald Trumped: Comey says Prez is a liar – and admits he's a leaker

Simon Ward

I'll happily admit that I'm not au fait with 'Merkin politics, but damn it all I'd never want to play cards with Comey - that guy has an epic poker face.

22
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Obama's intel chief says Russia totally tried to swing it for Trump

Simon Ward

Re: Trump,WUN

Nah, it's the return of JeffK (or possibly B1FF)

1
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Boffins play with the world's most powerful X‑ray gun to shoot molecules

Simon Ward

Re: xenon atoms, iodomethane (CH3I) and iodobenzene (C6H5I) - Boring!

A smoking crater and a lot of explaining to do?

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Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Simon Ward

Re: Honor Australia's Greatest Hero.

Well played ...

(not an Australian, but I do know who you are referring to)

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Simon Ward

Re: Honor Australia's Greatest Hero.

Not Knifey McKnifeface? For shame ...

Joking aside, they should name one after Steve Irwin (assuming they haven't already done so) - CRIKEY!

5
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Robot lands a 737 by hand, on a dare from DARPA

Simon Ward

Re: Unsubscribe

Yes.

Yes they are.

And stop calling me Shirley.

6
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Continuous Lifecycle: Just 30 conference tickets left

Simon Ward

Whoa! There's a conference happening?

Would never have guessed ...

1
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Drugs, vodka, Volvo: The Scandinavian answer to Britain's future new border

Simon Ward
Big Brother

Re: And this tackles people who cycle or walk past ...

Well, bar codes on people will become mandatory...

For fuck's sake, don't give them any more ideas - the Lizard Queen will be fizzing at the bunghole at the prospect of being able to get away with something like that.

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Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

Simon Ward

“To put it in laymen’s term, he tried to put his veg in the ring as well but it stopped the circulation and became stuck,”

Quote of the decade.

4
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Republicans go all Braveheart again with anti-net neutrality bill

Simon Ward

Re: Festering swamp rats!

Easy ... Trumperdink has completed his plan to 'drain the swamp'. As such, the 'Murricans are left with the pond-life like Pai, Mnuchin, Tillerson et.al. who are thrashing around at the bottom.

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Loadsamoney: UK mulls fining Facebook, Twitter, Google for not washing away filth, terror vids

Simon Ward

Amber "Hashtag" Fudd strikes again ...

Let me know how that works out for you, eh?

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Plan to kill net neutrality is the best thing/worst thing ever! EVER!!1

Simon Ward

"Draining the swamp" is clearly working - we're now left with the pond life thrashing around at the bottom.

6
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SourceForge: Let's hold hands in a post-CodePlex world

Simon Ward
FAIL

The changes are designed to re-establish devs’ trust in SourceForge.

Yeah, good luck with that ...

12
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Hard-pressed Juicero boss defends $400 IoT juicer after squeezing $120m from investors

Simon Ward

It's only a matter of time before someone starts punting this ...

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Have we got a new, hip compound IT phrase for you! Enter... UserDev

Simon Ward
FAIL

BuzzwordBollocks?

Works for me ...

19
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Douglas Coupland: The average IQ is now 103 and the present is melting into the future

Simon Ward

Re: Douglas Coupland wrote microserfs

Microserfs is actually a pretty decent book.

OTOH, pretty much everything else he's written has been self-indulgent shite (eg. JPod)

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Home Office accused of blocking UK public's scrutiny of Snoopers' Charter

Simon Ward

Pfft - you've got to wonder whether or not Amber Fudd actually *knows* what's in that document, much less understands it.

28
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Yet another job menaced by AI! Uh, wait, it says here... Dance Dance Revolution designers

Simon Ward

"now you can use machine learning to create dance patterns for anyone song or track you want."

Heh ... I'd like to see what they'd come up with for something like, oooh, Dream Theater's "Dance Of Eternity" - 6-and-a-bit minutes, 118 time changes (see here)

Dance to that - I double dare ya!

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Video intercom firm Doorbird wants $80 for device password resets

Simon Ward

Extortion?

Nah ... I prefer to think of it as an idiot tax.

0
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Trump cybersecurity order morphs into 2,200-plus-word extravaganza

Simon Ward

It'll never work ....

Needs more (fr)Agile and DevOps ...

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Felted! AI poker bot Libratus cleans out pros in grueling tournament, smugly trousers $1.8m

Simon Ward

This isn't AI ...

When Libratus can engage me in a conversation on, say, the price of cheese in Paraguay or deduce the existence of income tax and a recipe for rice pudding before it is switched on then it isn't an AI.

An expert system which happens to be good at poker? Definitely.

An AI? Definitely not.

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HMS Queen Elizabeth is delayed, Ministry of Defence confesses

Simon Ward

Re: Who cares...

Fair point - by that time we've generally had our summer. Both days of it.

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Trump signs 'no privacy for non-Americans' order – what does that mean for rest of us?

Simon Ward

Re: UK not covered by the agreement..

I'm going to go ahead and say 'no' - even if we are, the Lizard Queen will make bloody sure that that state of affairs will change.

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Sky fattens up broadband subs as it hovers above Fox's open mouth

Simon Ward

Re: You can subtract 1 from that number

And another - I've been humming and hawing about ditching Sky Fibre for a while and finally bit the bullet a couple of days ago.

One less customer for Sky, one more for Zen Internet.

5
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FYI! – Your! hacked! Yahoo! account! is! worth! $0.0003!

Simon Ward

The way things are going the BEEEEELLLLION account database will be worth more than Yahoo itself.

If it isn't already, that is.

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Murdoch's 21st Century Fox agrees £18.5bn Sky takeover deal

Simon Ward

Good timing ...

Despite having had no real problems with Sky's FTTC offering, when I heard that this might be in the offing I was considering a switch to Zen.

Now my hand has been forced - never thought I'd have to thank the Dirty Digger for something, but there you are.

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Meet Hyper.is – the terminal written in HTML, JS and CSS

Simon Ward
FAIL

Nothing to see here, move along ...

I can achieve much the same effect using CTRL-Alt-T on my Chromebook ...

This must be some strange usage of the word 'innovation' that I wasn't previously aware of.

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UK.gov has outsourced tech policy to Ofcom because it is clueless – SNP techie

Simon Ward
Black Helicopters

"leave us in a whole world of pain if an authoritarian government gets in to power"

If?

IF?

Proof, if any more were needed, that MPs couldn't find their collective arses with an atlas, native guide and GPS support.

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'Ultimate Team' scheme: EA hackers charged for stealing in-game coins

Simon Ward

Re: Viewed logically

"Have they suffered a loss of reputation resulting in damage, etc?"

This is EA we're talking about - you can't lose something you never had to begin with.

4
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Portable drive, 5TB capacity. Hmm, there's something fishy here

Simon Ward

Re: Landfill Disks?

Beat me to it - although I'd have been asking "why not just put a bigger drive in it?"

Whichever route you take, it's a hell of a sight less wasteful than just binning something - even if it isn't useful to you any more, there are likely a whole bunch of folks who *could* use a 'measly' 500Gb drive.

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Panicked WH Smith kills website to stop sales of how-to terrorism manuals

Simon Ward
Mushroom

I hope to $DEITY they never find my PhD thesis ... which will tell you, in pretty excruciating detail, how to make stuff go 'bang!' in all manner of interesting ways.

(and it'll even tell you how to simulate such things on a Babbage engine - there's yer IT angle right there)

6
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Is that you, HAL? AI can now see secrets through lipreading – kinda

Simon Ward

Re: Orville will be safe...

I guess being dead would have a lot to do with that ...

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Simon Ward

Time to start learning Navajo, I reckon ...

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One-way Martian ticket: Pick passengers for Musk's first Mars pioneer squad

Simon Ward

No mention of tax-dodging pop twat Bono or his mate Geldof?

For shame - I'd send 'em both, but without the luxury of putting them in a rocket first.

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Google's diabetes fight

Simon Ward

Google are involved ... think I'll pass.

1
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Windows 10 now rules the weekend, taking over from Windows 7

Simon Ward

"But Windows 10 is clearly on the rise and more of us will soon be in the OS-as-a-service world, just where Redmond wants us to be. "

Oh no we won't.

Really, we won't.

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Linux turns 25, with corporate contributors now key to its future

Simon Ward

Started out with 0.96pl5 and a stack of SLS floppies ... blimey, how time flies.

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