* Posts by Dr Patrick J R Harkin

805 posts • joined 22 Jan 2008

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Juror dismissed over Facebook poll

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

If the jurors can treat it like a game show, why not the accused?

Accused in the dock - You're currently looking at a minimum sentence of five years. You've already got rid of 10 years and 25 years, but with three pieces of evidence yet to open, the 15 years sentence is still in play. <phone rings> The jailer has told me to offer you..... nine years. Deal - or No Deal?

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Luke Skywalker's lightsabre goes on sale

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Huh?

We're in a credit crunch, businesses folding left, right and centre, the housing market is collapsing - and they expect someone to have £120,000 for a single movie prop?

I'm in the wrong line of work.

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US Army in $50m video game upgrade

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I can see it now:

"All your Basra are belong to us."

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NASA's lost toolbag filmed from Earth

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

What would the dormouse have said?

Twinkle, twinkle little toolkit

In a fast decaying orbit.

As you fall to earth below

Please don't land upon my toe.

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Samsung demos amazing folding phone

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

This can only lead to one thing

I for one welcome our handy pocket sized but unfolding to 7 foot tall monster laser sword weilding overlords.

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Employees sue for unpaid Windows Vista overtime

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Fifteen minutes?

You could write an OS in that, never mind boot one...

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Lame Mac Trojan limps into view

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"like frogs on a red rag"

I seem to have lost the ability to understand English.

I hate it when that happens.

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Championship Gaming Series runs out of quarters

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Obviously, this clears the decks for...

Pro-celebrity Air Hockey! No? Ho about Pro-Celebrity One man And His Dog? Jethro , from Settle with his dog Blackie vs Paris Hilton and some dishrag thing in a purse? OK, how about Pro-Celebrity Boxing? Obviously, we can't match the current prize funds in pro boxing, but perhaps we can tempt a few retired boxers back into the ring. It'd be a smash! Who wouldn't pay to watch Mike Tyson vs Tara Palmer-Tompkinson?

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HP unfolds touchscreen tablet

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

My first thought was...

...the protective film on the case is peeling badly. Is it supposed to look like that?

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Boffins discover digital-camera 'fingerprints'

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

90% is pretty damn impressive

when you consider how many different cameras there are. I wonder if it relies on having an unprocessed image, or if one scaled/edited would still work?

As most webbed/mailed images have been at least partly processed, having an untouched image more or less requires having the camera or computer of the photographer - in which case it's not that usefull to know that camera model!

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Online identity card scheme aims to remove password headaches

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I was slightly disconcerted by the opening few words...

"Credit reference agency Equifax has launched an online identity card scheme that aims to reduce consumer security ". I've never seen such honesty from the banking industry before!

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TomTom ships Go x40 satnav series

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Well, I like my TomTom

I've got to the age where I can wear my distance glasses and read signs or wear my reading glasses to read maps - but not both. And if I'm driving alone, stopping every few miles to check the might is a pain. I used to use the AA map service - but it's nowhere near as good as my TomTom. Miss a turn if you're using the AA directions - and now you're on a road for which you have no directions at all.

The resolution of paper maps (which I do still have in the car) is fine to get me from Leeds to Bristol - but not to a particular street in Bristol.

No satnav will ever beat a local who knows that 8:30 on Thursday is when the farmers market closes three streets- so I don't use it within a few miles of home. But if you're trying to find an address in a new city, it's invaluable.

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NEC shows tileable A3 e-paper sheet

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"diagonal dimension of 19.4in - A3 is 395.2 x 296.4mm"

i.e. A3 is 494mm diagonally, or 19.45 inches.

This has been a public service information announcement.

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Parrot displays near-field photo frame

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

You know you're a geek when you think...

1. I must get one of those so I can tranfers pictures from my Nokia.

2. I must get the Nokia phone so I can take pictures of a friend.

3. I must get a friend so I can take photographs with the Nokia.

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XML anti discrimination plan hits hurdle

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@TeeCee

Do you actually work in IT? Surely you know that rule reads "If it ain't broken, fix it until it is!"

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Putin’s dog collared by satnav

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Surely this is satellite tracking, not satellite naviagation?

Unless Soviet superdogs are smarter than ours. "In three hundred metres, go on the pavement."

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Texan boffins working on electric cyber-heart

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@ratfox

"I predict a short lifespan for the first person using it. Or rather, I hope they test it on animals before. Yes, that's me putting the health of human beings before that of animals."

Me too - but mainly because they test this sort of kit on people who will die in a few days without intervention.

And am I a bad person for having as my first thought not "What a breakthough for the sick" but "What a cool spy/assassin gadget!" Get involved in a shoot out (whilst wearing a kevlar vest & a few blood bags), fall to the floor, bad guys check carotid pulse, they say "He's dead" and walk off and you rise from the dead behind them!

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Saw torturecoaster rolls into UK theme park

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

What a 100 degree drop?

Someone hand me my protractor. It's over there in the bowl of spleens.

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Wal-Mart punts industrial strength feminine deodorant

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

In the words of Boothby Graffoe...

"I'm a bad man but I'm a much worse woman,

Cos I don't understand sanitary things.

I say 'Forget all that; just use a vampire bat'

It's eco-friendly and it's got wings"

http://tinyurl.com/3ner2x

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Prince Charles declines Doctor Who cameo

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

We need pronunciation icons!

Ih he said <Bluebottle>The rotten swine!</Bluebottle> it's a completely different interpretation.

But obviously our glorious blue-blooded nobility would never lower themselves to participate in entertainment <cough>Royal It's A Knockout</cough>

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New Jersey flying deer floors Hippo

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Moose-proofing

Aren't Saab's designed to surive moose impact? IIRC one of their directors was taken out by a moose. Or is that an urban legend? I'm too lazy to check Snopes...

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Crazy Japanese earthquake game makes shaky debut

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

At one minute in...

...the guy at the back on the right is frantically bobbing up and down - and the other three aren't.

Did he think he was on the Sex Pistols Concert Simulator instead?

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LG conjures up 'magic' TV

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

What a technological breakthrough!

I can put it in a narrower space because of the wifth saving.

If I remember to move the furniture every time I want to watch television.

And when the superfluous mechanism breaks I can enjoy muffled sound as the speaker play inside the cabinet.

I can't wait for these to become available in the UK.

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World's first WoW mouse

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

So, something designed to be hidden under your hand...

...whilst your looking elsewhere...

...has an illumination scheme? In fact several illumination schemes? Am I missing something here?

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Bebo users release interstellar spamgasm at Gliese 581

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

They sent a load of pictures as well.

I hope they remembered to send the JPEG decompression algorithm too.

Oh, no, wait.

I don't.

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$236m judgment lands on mom and pop spam shop

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"I bet the poor guy who ran the ISP doesn't see a single cent"

Much as I'm sure he'd love the money, I reckon he'll settle for the 10-15 million spam reduction he's already got, and hopes it will lead to more when the word gets round that spamming his domain runs expensive.

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Son of state lawmaker charged with Palin email hack

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Handcuffs and shackles?

Did they expect him to leap from the (whatever US courts have instead of a) dock and hack himself a pardon via the judge's laptop?

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Autopilot blamed for Qantas plunge

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I for one...

a) keep my seatbelt fastened throughout any filght whilst

b) welcoming the arrival of our altitude-altering overlords.

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'Podestrian' risk rising for drivers, warns insurer

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Yes, it's natural selection in action but...

Think of the bigger picture here, people. Yes, the idiot ends up in the morgue, but other people are affected too. I don't want to kill someone with my car. Whilst it may be good for the gene pool, that person on the slab marks the end of my no claims discount.

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Captain Cyborg to chew the fat with Ultra Hal

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

How many blogs/forum postings/usenet chats...

...would fail the Turing test?

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Trigger-happy Welsh cops taser sheep

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Good thing this didn't happen in sheep-bothering country...

If the sheep had been wearing wellies it would have been insulated.

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Amazon's 'Kindle 2' spotted in the wild

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Joe K

"Its a reader, if you want to type get a bloody UMPC."

I don't want to type volumes, but a search facility is very useful. That's the main reason I'm still using my smartphone. Kindle - great search (searches entire LIBRARY, not just one book) but proprietary, Sony more open - but no seasrch at all. Both comment apply to existing models, may well change on version x+1

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Vodafone opens online library for mobile e-bookworms

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

SmartPhone

I use my SmartPhone to do this already - either purchased eBooks or Word documents converted using the free Microsoft Reader plugin. It's just about acceptable - but the screen size is a definite limitation for any lengthy read.

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Daylight savings shift to cause phone havoc Down Under

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Hmmmm.....

Hello, Sheila? It's Bruce. What time is it with you? 3:10? Beaut! Put everything we have on Ocker's Ace in the 3:45. No worries, it's 4:10 here, I saw it win twenty minutes ago!

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US sky marshals submit to Heart of Gold randomware

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Which flight do we take next?

Let's see - rulebook says roll 2d6+4 and count down the departure list...

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Tiny MyCar named electric vehicle of the year

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Can't say I'm worried by the looks...

...but then I did once ask a car salesman who was trying to get me to fork out extra for "colour coordinated bumpers" why I might want such a thing.

"They look nice."

"But I can't see them from the inside."

"Other people can!"

"Well, let other people pay for them, then."

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Hubble transmissions cease as computer fails

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

So they have to send a Shuttle to mend it?

Well, that's shut me up about bitching over the walk to HR to reconnect a printer...

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How an Italian judge made the internet illegal

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Surely only a TLD could count as a "newspaper"

Anything below that is just a page in a larger publication.

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MS wields price cutlass at Chinese pirates

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Anonymous coward

"China price: <£20

US Price: $149.95 (£81)

UK Price: £99.99

Who's being ripped off here?"

I think I see what happening - for every copy we buy, the extra cost above the US price buys a copy for China.

I never did understand economics. Can I be Chancellor?

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BitTorrent crackdown cops fail to pay music copyright fees

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I'm not surprised people are confused.

I can listen to the radio in my home before I come to work without having to pay PRS. I can listen to radio here, if I use headphones, again without having to pay PRS. If I set up my radio so the whole office can hear, I have no idea what the consequences are - apart from the ensuing rain of Tippex. If my boss set up the radio to entertain the troops, she'd have to pay.

It's rather odd that a single radio we all can hear would require payment to PRS, but giving us all radios (fixed to the same station) which we could listen to individually would not.

Given the radio station has paid to broadcast to us, I think radios in public should be free. Running your own in-business entertainment (like Virgin & HMV do/did) obviously requires payment. And who here is old enough to remember Word Perfect technical support hold DJ? A friend of mine one asked to be put back to the end of the queue so he could listen to the end of a track!

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G1 Android launch pictures leaked?

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

It's an android

And more in the Lt. Data line, than Austin Powers fembot!

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Turkish court bans Dawkins' website

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Stop right there

"Lastly, evolution is a theory, has never been proven, will never be proven, because it is a stupid non-sense theory that was made up, so that who doesn't believe in God can have something to believe in."

Yes, evolution is a theory, as are quantum electrodynamics, gravity and that 2 plus 2 equals 4.

But more and more bits of the theory are being proved in the lab. We now have experimental proof that mutation can produce new species and that selection can cause that new species to replace the old one. The work was done in bacteria, as waiting 30,000 generations can be a bit tedious otherwise, but it shows all the elements of Darwinian evolution work.

Of course, it doesn't prove that WE evolved from something else - creationists can still claim that some divine being assembled us from a flatpack kit if they wish - but they can no longer claim that "evolution doesn't work".

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No pr0n surfing for Qantas A380 passengers

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

USB port?

Windows has detected new hardware Qantas A380 - please insert driver disk.

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DARPA seeks sticky-goldenballs Casimir forcefields

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

DARPA

Didn't they run the staions on the island in Lost?

I for one welcome our new polar bear keeping overlords.

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Judge: Breath test firm must hand over source code

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Intoxilyzer 8000?

BREATH INTO THE TUBE.

YOU HAVE 15 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

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TJX hacker breaks ranks with guilty plea

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Waht does "barred from using computers." actually mean?

Seriously - can he stay home playing Xbox? Drive a (modern) car? Use a mobile phone?

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Big and bendy e-ink displays on way

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Why about environmental issues?

Can you roll it up to swat wasps?

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Skype ignores PayPal siphoning hijack scheme

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Ah, yes, the three great lies...

1. The cheque is in the post

2. Of course I'll respect you in the morning

3. I'm fairly IT savvy

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Aussie Customs in presentational-aid crackdown

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Legitimate use

"Such permits will only be issued to those with a legitimate use for the gadgets, such as surveyors and astronomers."

Surveyors - gotcha, those theodothingis use lasers.

Astronomers - why? "Oi, Gary, look through the 40" reflector. See that plane just coming into Mars International Spaceport? Watch what happens if I turn on the laser..."

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Euro consumers to get 'Made for iPod'...refrigerator

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Pukka?

"For example, Jamie Oliver could guide you through a video demonstration of how to cook some pasta as you stand in the kitchen. Pukka!"

Close. Try again.

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