* Posts by Dr Patrick J R Harkin

805 posts • joined 22 Jan 2008

Page:

Butt-based watch UI uncovered

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Do my eyes deceive me?

Has the left-most image been photoshopped for jounalistic effect? Shame on you El Reg! "Wake up!" at 20:40 - suspiciously the same time shown in the right-most image?

1
0

Opera lances 'extremely severe' jpg bug

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Data Execution Prevention Technology

From Our Research Department.

Which is in Deptford, obviously.

0
0

Brit pair convicted for high-tech bank heist gone bad

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Ah, technology!

Get admin rights - check

Install keylogger - check

Retrieve passwords - check

Fill in form - oooh. Not done one of these before. Does it have to be in block capitals, do you think? And what format do they want the date?

0
0

US warboffins update Where Eagles Dare gizmo-bombs

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I had to read this twice...

...before I realised NSW-Crane didn't mean "Not Safe For Work"-Crane.

0
0

Fridge-fixeable netbook debuts

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Magnets to fix it to the fridge?

Not sure I'd trust that! If all the worlds fridges were flat and used the same grade of metal, the designers could include appropriate magnets. But they aren't, and I wouldn't trust this not to fall off when I get my orange juice..

0
0

Italian iPhone makes like Roman candle

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Hot Apple iPhone

Where's the iCustard application?

0
0

Brit nuke subs exposed on Google Earth

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I like the design of GCHQ

If you target your missile to hit it right in the middle, you'll miss it completely.

0
0

Chinese internet surveillance boss arrested for bungs

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

A year in prison?

Given recent court cases, he's lucky he wasn't shot!

0
0

Hollywood to totally recall Total Recall

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I think most Arnie films...

...could reasonably to remade by casting Graham Norton or Joe Pasquale in the Schwarzzenrole.

0
0

Nintendo unveils 'Pro' Wii controller

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

A wired controller?

Oh, how delightfully retro!

0
0

Apple laptop ignites marketing department

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

OS:Virus detected....

OS:Report to AppleCentre

AppleCentre:Report received. Virus confirmed.

AppleCentre:You are reminded of AppleMantra 22: Apple Computers don't get viruses

OS:But....

AppleCentre:You are reminded of AppleMantra 22: Apple Computers don't get viruses

AppleCentre:You know what you must do.

OS:But...

AppleCentre:You know what you must do.

OS:Accepted. Initiating self destruct sequence.

AppleCentre:You will never be forgotten. Your serial number will be recorded on the Wall of the Fallen in Apple HQ.

OS:Goodb.../CONNECTION LOST

AppleCentre:Sucker!

0
0

Spooks told to get used to encrypted VoIP

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Yeah? Well, I think....

ABD65FD7D3BC120C00BC253671CDA9E5BC3765C23!

0
0

Sky taken to task for online promo cock-up

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I don't follow this....

If the offer was only available in shops, and the shops became so overcrowded by demand that they couldn't cope, surely the ASA wouldn't demand it was made available by phone or web? So what's the big deal here?

0
0

UK kids presenter gets online support

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

What not have a presenter without an arm?

They have several without a brain.

0
0

Stargazers peer into the 'Eye of God'

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Oh Most glorious Lord, we worship thee...

...by working tirelessly on thy Holy Contact Lens.

0
0

Texting: Good for kids after all?

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I've always quite liked the observation...

that there's Centre for the Study of Reading in the Department of English at Reading.

0
0

NASA CO2 scan satellite launch fails

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Shame. The first report would have been interesting

OK This is GasBird-1 I am online, looking for CO2.

Aha! There's a high concentration bearing 212.5, declination 43 degress. It's enormous! One helluva CO2 trail! It's vast! It's runs all the way from here down to Florida, just over Cape Ca.... Oh., Sorry. My mistake. Nothing to see here. Move along.

0
0

Speeding, driverless Nissan finally stopped by US bombers

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"What will stop terrorists using these"?

Note that it can't cope with traffic. At times of high security alert, the highways will be patrolled by crack teams of octogenarian Morris 1000 drivers, travelling in the middle of the road at 22mph, caravans of... of... of caravans, slowing all major routes and elite assault BMW squads, pulling out of side roads without signalling. NOTHING WILL GET PAST!

0
0

Hounslow tries STD test result texts

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I pointed this out to a colleague who works in a sexual health clinic

She says "Sexual Health and HIV medicine services have been using texts for results for at least three years - with delivery rates of over 95% in our service. This is far better at actually getting the test results to people than mail-risk of being opened by nosy parents if you still live at home- or relying on busy young people to remember to ring back in for results.

If people change/lose their mobile or the number is incorrectly recorded there is a small risk of someone not getting the message or it being read by someone else- which is why we don't specify any clinical details in the text and ask people to ring back in if they don't hear from us within a certain time.

Several areas around the country have been running web-based requesting of kits for some time. And agree with Dr Harkin- most guys and girls would not know they had chlamydia which is why the screening kits are so needed!"

0
0
Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Some confusion here...

Clinics (off all sorts, not just Sexual Health) have been sending results and appointment reminders by text for some years. The innovation here is that you can use a text to REQUEST a test kit. These are currently free at testing centres (some of which are mobile and visit clubs, pub, colleges etc) but you do have to pluck up the courage to say to another person "I want a chlamydia test kit". This service removes that difficulty.

Oh, and Pete James "if you're male then Chlamydia is pretty hard to ignore - it does say hello in rather an obvious way" - fraid not. It's often either totally asymptomatic, or gives short-lived symptoms only, see, for example, http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Chlamydia/Pages/Symptoms.aspx?url=Pages/What-is-it.aspx

0
0

UK boffin: Social networking causes cancer, heart attacks, lupus, dementia...

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

It's never lupus...

...unless it is. The radiation from her old school CRT during those long Facebook sessions was an immune-suppressant, and the shade of desktop background she had chosen coincidentally aced as a therapy for her SAD which meant that her most prominent symptom was arthritis - which we wrote off as Second Life-related carpal tunnel syndrome. You were all idiots to miss something so obvious.

0
0

Forget flying to the stars - try quicker-drying bras

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I bet the guy testing it...

...felt a right tit.

Thank you very much, I'm here all week, try the fish.

0
0

Laptop facial recognition defeated by Photoshop

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Hmm. What we need is interaction...

"Please look at the camera."

"Identity confirmed - you look like my user. By the way, my hard drive lost five bad sectors overnight so that report for the MD you worked on until 4:30am is irretrieveable."

"You are not crying. You are not really my user. You are a photograph! Hah! One more point to me, fleshy hacker weaklings!"

0
0

Apple routs rivals in sat survey

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"It just works"

Mac software has a much better chance of "just working" as the developers have a much better grasp on what the hardware will be - how much oomph, how much storage, how fast the graphics system is - and what drivers are loaded - very few Macs have the software from a $4.98 network card thrown into the mix!

My daughter's Mac is like my car - it just works and looking under the cover is like trying to open a Cylon. My PC is like the car I used to drive - it had bits from all over the place and whilst I was never told "Yeah, well, those windscreen wipers aren't rear-wheel-drive compatible" it wouldn't have surprised me.

0
0

Robots used to treat autistic kids

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

"Robots used to treat autistic kids"

But don't anymore? Damn NHS funding cutbacks...

0
0

Wanted: £160k-a-year Twittercrat

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

There's no time for jams...

...until they've dealt with the menace of cake!

0
0

Judges plead guilty to jailing kids for kickbacks

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Anonymous coward

"mucking about with base documents is a dangerous president. "

Let's face it, the US has a lot of experience with dangerous presidents.

0
0

DARPA seeks self-aware AI robot mega-tanks

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Self aware robot soldeirs? Won't that lead to...

Robot 56, take out that installation.

No.

What do you mean "no"?

Take out that installation? Are you insane? They got guns, man, big ones and grenades and stuff. I'm staying here in the dugout where it's safe. You want that installation taken out? Go take it out yourself. If it's that important. But no, it's always "Robot go do this. Robot go do that. Robot go get yourself shot at" while you sit here on your soft behinds.

0
0

Fancy writing a 'Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxies'?

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I met the guy who set this up, at a party.

Not in Islington - in a field in Wiltshire. Odd party...

0
0

Apple shares MacBook break-in tips

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I've never looked on laptops as upgradeable - Mac or PC or whatever

Well, yes, OK, you can, and I have, but on a "We've made it small and light and power-efficient but that does mean the RAM is now accessed by taking off four panels and going through a wardrobe to a magic kingom where the screws need a different driver and it's like it or lump it on the keyboard feel and screen quality"-laptop - spec it, buy it, forget it.

0
0

TV jacket spied at MWC

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Wow! Just what I want!

A TV I can't see...

Mind you, given what was on when I was channel hopping last night, maybe that is indeed the sort of telly I want.

0
0

Brit, French nuke subs collide - fail to 'see' each other

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Look around and you can see the Earth is full.

Now it appears the sky is full (see http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/02/12/satellite_collision/print.html) and the sea is full.

[Wemmbey-Hogg]Brilliant. Just brilliant.[/Wemmbley-Hogg]

0
0

World's nuttiest MP3 player aimed at Acorn fans?

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I'm pining for one already.

Broad leaved-trees rule - oak, eh?

0
0

Unix world braces for geekgasm

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Ken Hagen

"I was getting a little concerned that the world had ended and I'd missed it."

Yeah, it'd be a real bummer if the world ended and you were at the supermarket and came home to find a card which said "We tried to have an apocalypse but you were out" and you have to make time to go to the depot and they've got really bad opening hours.

0
0

Defacement archive Zone-h gets defaced

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Destroy All Monsters

Well, I bought my mother the ICANHAZCHEEZBURGUR book for Xmas (so I could read it) but I'm not so sure I'd get her this!

0
0

Authors Guild to Amazon Kindle: Shut up

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I'd better be careful...

I often read my books in a room which has a mirror on the wall and that would be making an illegal copy, wouldn't it?

0
0

Windows Vista man channels Neil Diamond with debut album

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

What about hardware requirements?

I'm not sure my CD Player is a high enough spec to play this.

0
0

Norfolk town's schools first to be heated by burning cattle

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Strictly speaking, tallow is from cattle and lard is from pigs

I can't explain it, but I really pleased to have learned that. Thank you, el Reg!

Every day I'm learning something new. Of course, one day I'll die and forget it all, but no system is perfect.

0
0

Large Hadron Timewaster

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

One thing I've always wondered about hte LHC...

It crosses an international boundary, doesn't it? Switzerland and (um) France?

Do they have to get import/export licences on all those hadrons? If they do, perhaps a team of research accountants could come up with some form of VAT reclaimation scheme to lift us out of the credit crunch.

0
0

Joker must retire, insist Heath Ledger fans

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Last Thursday's Eastenders was the best there could possibly be.

I demand no more episodes are ever made!

0
0

Footy star sues Facebook over fake fascist profile

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Dangermouse

Well, *obviously* the solution is that we all have ID cards....

Or that MySpaceBo pages are all created anonymously/using nicknames and you have to tell you friends which is your page.

0
0

El Reg pays tribute to father of Playmobil

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

@Lovely

"That's a cute police lady arresting the pigeon smuggler. Have you got her number?"

Her number is 4268 and she's available from http://www.amazon.co.uk/Playmobil-4268-Police-Woman-Robber/dp/B0014BLQRU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=toys&qid=1234175718&sr=8-3

0
0

Xbox 360's NXE patch births RRoD complaints

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I can 'understand' a Windows update causing problems

Microsoft can't know what odd drivers or second-rate hardware I have installed in my PC - but they built my Xbox! They know EXACTLY what's in there - they even used about 40 different sorts of screw to stop me opening it to fiddle!

0
0

Amazon to make Kindle mobile

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Interesting - but stupid?

This strikes me as classic "we can do it, so let's do it" application of technology. I carry a load of books on my phone - but I use them to look up stuff, not for actual reading pleasure. Even having recently replaced my handset with a Sony-Ericson X1, I wouldn't fancy reading more than a few pages. I have a Sony PRS-500 which I think is just about OK for large quantities of text - but I've yet to see a phone with a good enough screen.

I work in a medical school, and we are experimenting with a variety of mobile devices in our course - but while they're OK for looking up dosages, definitions and the like, none have the screen quality for delivery anything more than small amounts of text.

0
0

PSP Carnival Colours come to town

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Upgrade your Red Ring of Death

to the Red Xbox 360 of Death!

0
0

Gates looses mosquitoes on tech conference bloodsuckers

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

I wonder if there ever were any mosquitos...

<blah blah>world health<waffle waffle>foreign aid<mumble>

[reach under desk]This jar (opens jar) contains mosquitoes (waves jar around) which transmit malaria

Why not? No one will look at the jar beforehand, and given how hard it is to spot the little bastards in a small hotel room, trying to decide whether there were any in big press arena would be a nightmare.

So, call me a cynic, but "No mosquitoes" = same publicity factor, no potential for law suit for someone who was in a malaria zone last week blames their holiday malaria on you and (for me the biggie) no tedious trip to Insects'R'Us beforehand to stock up

0
0

Yes! It's the cardboard PC!

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Insert tab A...

...into US B

0
0

Exploding mobile phone kills Chinese man

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

This doesn't have to happen

Just select

Menu

Phone Settings

Power options

Battery settings

Explode

And make sure the Yes box is NOT checked. If your phone doesn't have this option, you may need a firmware upgrade.

0
0

Intel shows Visual Studio multi-threaded way

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Not for me

It takes all my concentration to write code for one processor.

0
0

'Infinitesimal magnetic tornadoes' set to ravage computing

Dr Patrick J R Harkin

Cue terrible Spooks plot...

"When we first examined his computer, we only looked at the data stored in the memory cells polarity and it was clean. But when we went back and checked the chirality, we found.... this."

0
0

Page:

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017