* Posts by Neil Greatorex

537 posts • joined 22 Nov 2007


Three simultaneously cut undersea cables under repair

Neil Greatorex

Simultaneously cut

"The odds are whatever cut one cable cut the other two at the same time, be it a fishing boat, or be it an anchor,"

"Telecommunications companies are in the process of building four new cables in the region, which are slated to be up and running in the next nine to 18 months, Beckert said."

Which means that 7 cables will be "simultaneously cut" next time around :-(

New York 'iPod tax' incites media bleating

Neil Greatorex

Tax 'em more, I say

Anyone who infects their machine with iTunes deserves all they get :-)

Apologies after teacher's 'Linux holding back kids' claim

Neil Greatorex

@Norman Wanzer

"Your kidding right?"

One can own a kidding?

Erm, what is a kidding, is it like a figgy pudding?

Pret customers get free Wi-Fi

Neil Greatorex

@And in the Uk, the McDonalds wifi is free

But the food is rank.

Question: Would you eat McDonalds food just to get free WiFi.?


Entire class fails IT exam by submitting in Word format

Neil Greatorex

@ Michael 21:42

Investigating journalism eh?

Bet they teach about telling about telling about tall tales. </allegedly>

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ By Anonymous Coward Posted Monday 8th December 2008 17:03 GMT

"I work at a school, and we aren't required " to use OpenDocument since 2007 " - You can use any software you like to create the work, just as long as it is submitted in the right format."

It's quite bloody obvious that you work at Cotelands you complete idiot.

OpenDocument (sic) is not a bloody word processor or a "software", it's a file format you tw@.

My guess is you are the flaming teacher responsible. I'll be in the Shoulder* for a pint tomorrow evening, from 7. Care to show your face?


* Pub in Ruskington

El Reg: Odds on the id10t showing?

Paris: As even she isn't that stupid.... Or?

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns

Word (s) fail me

As a resident of Ruskington.

I've previously mentioned that my 8 year old, under the guise of ICT, was being taught how to create Word documents, but that is at the Primary School next door. I didn't realise it carried on into secondary.

He won't be going to Cotelands :-)

MS calls time on Black Friday cashback debacle

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Up

Don't beat around the bush..

"Microsoft's second-rate search engine"

Say what you mean :-)

Leaked Met letter questions Speaker's version of police raid

Neil Greatorex

This should set the cat amongst the pidgeons

Wonder how they will "slide" out of this one?

Phorm, Norman Lamont, and the Broadband Stakeholder Group

Neil Greatorex

@AC 19:08

"Healey was fairly competent"

Hahahahahahaha, wipes eyes, hahahahahahaha.

Healey was the ashtray on the outside of the first stage of a Saturn 5.

Neil Greatorex

This stinks

If it looks, even when polished, like a turd and smells like a turd, chances are it actually is a turd.

Norman Lamont is, arguably, not stupid. How much wedge has he been offered/trousered to front this steaming pile?

Is there any Reg reader with a Tee Shirt printing business? I'd quite like one with Phuck off Phorm on the back.

There isn't a "I'll get my tee shirt" icon.

Lord Lamont joins Phorm board

Neil Greatorex

There is something positive

To take out of this:

The salaries paid to these bloodsuckers will further drain the coffers of a company that isn't making, and has never made, money. :-)

Mine's the one with "Phuck off Phorm" on the back.

MPs lost for Word over creaking Microsoft packages

Neil Greatorex

@AC 09:04 - Microsoft shill

Quote: "ISO/IEC 29500 is "substantially supported" on Office 2007"

Is it bollocks.

It's not now, and never will be, supported by Microsoft Office.

Neil Greatorex


The question that should be asked is why are they using windows/office anyway? Why are they spending taxpayers money supporting Microsoft?.

Somewhere (possibly here) I read that Microsoft hoovers over 2 billion squids a year, directly out of the British economy, from licence fees for Windows/Office alone.

Before you start SHOUTING, this is nothing to do with how many people are employed supporting/selling/stitching people up with this crap, that's a separate issue entirely.

Stop it, stop it now I tell you.

ASA slaps beer-punting ladyboy

Neil Greatorex

@ Presumptuous

"they might just turn out to be whiny selfish people trying to take offences on behalf of others, whom they don't represent or have any right to speak for, to cover for their own inadequacies."

That'd be Chris Mole, nuLab, Ipswich, then. He likes riding a bandwagon doesn't he?

Google to jettison 'second class citizens'

Neil Greatorex

"world-renowned Google shuttle bus"

I'm sorry, I've never heard of it.

Where's the "meh" icon then?

Rock-solid Fedora 10 brings salvation to Ubuntu weary

Neil Greatorex

Nice review

I will definitely be giving it another try on the strength of this. I've avoided Red Hat in the recent past, due to a nasty experience I had. I knocked a mug of coffee onto my keyboard during an install :-(

Keep up the good work Mr. Gilbertson :-)

PS Mr. Bidmead, please take note: It's not necessary to have 14gazillion pages with 4 lines of text & a screenshot on each page.

Microsoft's Internet Explorer 8 planned for 2009

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns


"Our plan is to deliver the final product after listening for feedback about critical issues," Hachamovitch said. ®


They've never done it in the past, with ANY product, they're not going to do it this time either. It will be a complete dog for the first two years...

PC virus forces three London hospitals into computer shutdown

Neil Greatorex

Windows for Warships

In the light of this, would it not be prudent for the MoD to reconsider the use of this toy O/S also?

Windows, networking aside, in all its incarnations, is as stable as a two-legged cow. To use it in "mission critical" situations should be a criminal offence.

El Reg seeks top net neologism

Neil Greatorex
Jobs Horns

The one, the only


Gets my vote :-)

Reg readers in Firefox 3 lovefest

Neil Greatorex

"Coding for IE6 is not enjoyable"

Then don't do it.

When you detect IE5.5 or 6 - Tell them.

Carphone Warehouse denies mass Linux Webbook recall

Neil Greatorex

Another opportunity lost, sadly.


The one thing we (that's the Royal, El Reg reading, we) want the average "Free" laptop buyer _not_ to have is a bloody Microsoft operating system.

So, we have to look forward to a couple of hundred thousand new, fully compromised, machines being connected to that new-fangled interweb.


My daily spam:valid email ratio is now at around 90:1, guess that will increase as a result. :-(

We have to rise up & request, nay demand, that Microsoft operating systems, GUI's & Orofice be banned from all educational establishments. Then there's the chance that the next generation of users could put right what's wrong.

Anal whitening biz drops one million clams for Vibrators.com

Neil Greatorex

"your very own stripper pole."

If it will take the paint off my doors I want one.

MP calls for Jezza Clarkson's head

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Up

@ Sarah Bee

Delightful put-down.

We're not worthy :-)

Neil Greatorex

Chris Mole is "strongly for" the ID card

How could anyone here take him seriously after that?

Here's some of his Voting record (from PublicWhip)

Voted moderately for introducing a smoking ban.

Voted strongly for introducing ID cards.

Voted very strongly for introducing foundation hospitals.

Voted strongly for introducing student top-up fees.

Voted very strongly for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.

Voted strongly for the Iraq war.

Voted very strongly against an investigation into the Iraq war.

Voted very strongly for replacing Trident.

Voted very strongly for the hunting ban.

Voted very strongly for equal gay rights.

2006/7 expenses claimed: £143,003

Who's got more cash? Apple or Microsoft?

Neil Greatorex
Jobs Horns

Apple. Underdog. ??

Not since the launch of the iMac & iPod could Apple conceivably have been called underdogs.

They control both hardware & software & have vastly greater margins than mickeysoft.

All they need to do now is release (OK after fixing every hardware/driver issue) their O/S flavour, for the general market, to become the micropolist of the future.

PS iTards (love it) should go back to their constituencies & prepare for government.

Jezza Clarkson cops flak for 'truckers murder strumpets' gag

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@The US wuvs him too! And The Stig!


"Shame BBC America has the episodes 8 months late."

1. Web hosting in the UK, £1.99 month, unlimited traffic.

2. Install web proxy.

3. iPlayer

Job done, but please remember to send your 140 squids to the beeb to cover the licence. Well worth it :-)

Paris, cos she loves a proxy. Allegedly.

Neil Greatorex
Jobs Horns

@ Rob Beard


Utter genius, I shall be using that one :-)

Neil Greatorex

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells, wish it were.

This is just stupid. Last I checked, BBC site says >500 complaints. How many people work at 5th gear, for fucks sake?

Sod Clarkson for PM, what about Chairman of the BBC Trust. Oh yes!

No icon, but I rather like the shape of her bottom too!

Neil Greatorex
IT Angle

188 complaints

You have to wonder who's complaining here, even the Daily Wail loves Top Gear.

Rackable does cookie sheet servers

Neil Greatorex


Nope, though slightly better than the Grauniad :-)



Where you will see that it is AN homage. (Note: This was the original challenge) Because homage is French and is pronounced omage, not Huhomage.

A hotel, an hotel, both are right depending on your pronunciation.

Who, other than grammar Nazis, gives a stuff really?

Neil Greatorex

@ Andy - it certainly is A hotel

It may well be A hotel, however as for using the Grauniad as a styleguide.................


Friday - w00t.

David Tennant quits Who

Neil Greatorex

My money is on

Rupert whatshisface from Spooks :-)

Microsoft unveils 'lightweight' Office for Web

Neil Greatorex

@Works with Firefox...

"unless of course you are using linux."

In which case you will have no need, or desire, to use decaf Office.


El Reg in Street View drive-by snooping

Neil Greatorex

@Circle of avoidance?

What about the whole of the county of Lincolnshire ?

Mind you, it's so bloody flat where I live, they could park the black Opel and snap the lot. :-)

What is a Linux distro worth?

Neil Greatorex

I for one

Thank our selfless FOSS contributors, without them my 8 year old son wouldn't be able to dual boot Ubuntu & Mandrake, as I wouldn't be able to afford them :-)

He hates Windows, with a will, after spending over 4 hours on a Scratch program only to see all his work lost when the Windoze PC BSoD'ed (totally unrelated to his Scratch session)

Penguin obviously, though I'd like to boot Paris.

Jobs not dead as Jesus Phone outsells CrackBerry

Neil Greatorex

What they should have done

"He also said Apple, with its $25bn in cash, could benefit from current market conditions."

Yes, by buying themselves a bank :-)

The Bank of Apple™©

Then fanboys could make a deposit, of a slightly different nature to their usual, whenever Apple is mentioned. :-)


HP pops out iPaq pair

Neil Greatorex




Paris ups sticks to London

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton


Takes all the fun out of guessing the name of her next sprog.

Roehampton Hilton.

You heard it here first :-)

Celebutard? Nah, Skanktard.

iPhone beer maker sues Carling over virtual suds

Neil Greatorex


Give me (and most Germans I know) Haake Beck any time :-)

Re: The German purity law of 1516, there was no "Germany" in 1516.

I'm off for a pint.

CPS to consider private prosecution over stealth Phorm trials

Neil Greatorex

Got to tip my hat

To Alexander Hanff, he's really taken the ball and run with it.

Come on you chap(esse)s, some of us have signed the petition, some of us have written to our MP, some both. Unfortunately the vast majority have done neither, leaving it to upstanding citizens like Mr. Hanff to carry them.

If you don't want Phorm illegally intercepting your data, do your bit. It's not good enough just changing ISP, this has to be stopped!

Phuck off Phorm.

Next Windows name unveiled: Windows 7

Neil Greatorex

@ windows for dummies....

"its simple really... if you cant follow it, it says a lot about you !!!"

Sorry sonny, some of us are older than 13, and can actually remember this shite instead of relying on Wikipedia.

You can keep the one with the MS logo on the back, marks you out as a tw@

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton


"Simply put, this is the seventh release of Windows, so therefore 'Windows 7' just makes sense,"

What base is he counting in?












I'm not a mathematician, but I do chew sugar-free gum :-)

I'm ignoring the 64bit flavours & the various versions of NT & "server" too.

Perhaps that's why Windows is as stable as a three-legged cow, Microsoft can't count.

Paris, even she can count past 7.

OpenOffice.org overwhelmed by demand for version 3.0

Neil Greatorex

What is the rush?

It's not as if there's a queue around the block, now is there?

Think I'll try tomorrow, or the day after.

Brussels bounces BT-Phorm quiz back to UK.gov

Neil Greatorex

@Whey hey! Someone with balls!

Back up a little there sonny, that's two separate issues.

Phorm - Illegal Interception of all of your web traffic for the purposes of profiling.

Advertising - Paying for all your "Free" stuff on the intarweb.

Phuck off Phorm

HP jilts Intel SSDs

Neil Greatorex

Oh dear, just when Linus endorses them




US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ Ted Treen

Spot on. :-)

Oh and another thing: Career politicians.

Career politicians, WTF is going on there then?

These tossers have done nothing else. School, College, University, politics. Time was when politicians took up politics _after_ a career in industry or the like, and had some idea about life. Bah.

Paris, because she's a career know nothing, rather like Brown.

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Down


It all starts with the bloody PC Brigade stopping children playing conkers.

See where it ends up.

What utter, utter stupidity.

Fish snapped snacking at 4,200 fathoms

Neil Greatorex
IT Angle

1600 Elephants on the roof of a mini

Would have no effect whatsoever if the pressure inside the mini was equal.

You can blow up a party balloon to the size of a football at sea level, you can also do the same at 35,000 feet. The problem comes when you move between the two.

Jesus Phone vuln delivers fanboys to phishermen

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ Kiminao

"rabid, pestilence-spreading troll"

Don't beat around the bush, mush, say what you really mean ;-) Need. a. coffee-proof. keyboard. now. :^)

I disagree with your year though, a couple of months is about the limit for a hole like this.

Paris, so she can sic a pestilence on all rabid trolls.


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019