* Posts by Neil Greatorex

537 posts • joined 22 Nov 2007


Acer: We’re comin’ at ya, Dell

Neil Greatorex

If the type of people who shop at Aldi.

Are bottom feeders.......

What epithet should we ascribe to the type of chav^H^H^H^H people who shop at Lidl?

Ballmer backs away from 'Vista Capable' legal row

Neil Greatorex

Ballmer: "Not me guv." & Rod meet back.

Ballmer probably genuinely wasn't involved in the negotiations, though he must still be held ultimately accountable for the utter shite that is Fista.

Having said that, all the twats that feel it necessary to have the latest Microsoft "shiny" really have made a rod for their own backs, and deserve no sympathy. Strike the class action I say!

On a lighter note: a survey I read the other day revealed that only 4% of businesses in the UK have upgraded to Fista. Do we really have businesses that stupid?


BT's Phorm small print: It's all your fault

Neil Greatorex


Umm, left your pills at home this morning, did you?

May I, politely, suggest that you keep a second supply in your handbag. That should preclude some of your more impenetrable posts :-)

Neil Greatorex

@Sandy Cosser

You actually believe the marketing puff found on the website of a bloody spyware company?

"clear opt-in opt-out solutions" Whaaat? You must be reading something the wrong page.

Think you'd better get a fresh supply of your medication.

Mine's still the one with Phuck off Phorm in rhinestones on the back.

Phorm mulls incentives for ad targeting wiretaps

Neil Greatorex


Even with lipstick a pig can be turned into bacon & Lincolnshire sausages :-)

But a chrome plated turd.......................

Phuck off Phorm

Kentucky commandeers world's most popular gambling sites

Neil Greatorex

Note to dervheid

The correct spelling is Arseholes

Royal Navy won't fight pirates 'in case they claim asylum'

Neil Greatorex

Symptomatic I'm afraid

Of all the nuLabour PC bollocks that is straightjacketing the entire country.

It starts out with school children banned from climbing trees or playing conkers etc. and ends up with the RN not allowed to fight genuine piracy.

I have to agree with Lewis.

Skull and crossed bones obviously (Why does your icon have crossed swords?)

eBay: don't come on our US site without protection

Neil Greatorex

eBay now plans to ban checks

Did they ever do any checks?

Some of the sellers I've come across certainly weren't checked in any way.

Cisco borgs Jabber

Neil Greatorex

Oi! Cisco, Jabber - No!

I ain't gettin on no jabber enabled cisco device, you crazy fools!

Democratic rep fathered alleged Palin hacker

Neil Greatorex

@ In 3....2...1... by AC

"american people pull their collective heads out their asses"

Why would the American people put their collective heads in their donkey in the first place?

The Equus asinus population must be huge in America.

OMFG, what have you done?

Neil Greatorex

Yeah well

I like it.

From what I can see; it allows all users to see what Opera users have been seeing for years :-)

Make sense of that then!

PS. Icons are shite though

Obama: McCain can't email, remembers Rubik's Cubes

Neil Greatorex

Any US President that browses the interweb and sends email

Would be a liability.........

Think of all the time wasted reading El Reg, when he should be concentrating on running the country! :-)

UK.gov told not to subsidise superfast broadband

Neil Greatorex

Why dig up bloody roads?

Pretty much every house in the country has a connection to the sewer (I apologise in advance to those poor sods with a septic tank) Sewer pipes already run the length & breadth of the country. Fibre through the sewer has been tested & works.


Would also remove the likelyhood of JCB-fade. :-)

Boffinry bitchslap brouhaha: Higgs and Hawking head to head

Neil Greatorex

@Some of the more interesting things ...

"Have been discovered when people were looking for something else/ accident."

Quite right.

I was looking for my socks this morning, and found a fountain pen!

Woooaahh, sod Hawkins, Higgs & Heisenberg, that defies explanation.

OK, I'm gone :-)

El Reg drops in on Bletchley Park

Neil Greatorex


I'd buy one too.

Espacially if it had the same slogan on the back, but translated into German & Italian :-)

We know BillG refused to contribute, what about SteveJ, has anyone approached Apple?

Police quiz BT on secret Phorm trials

Neil Greatorex

@ Oh fucking FINALLY!

Shurely shome mishtake:

Oh Phucking FINALLY! :-)

Mythbusters busted over RFID gagging

Neil Greatorex
IT Angle


Forgive me, but where's the IT angle?

In fact what is the angle? Mythbusters isn't technical, interesting, watcheable, IT related or funny. A rubber crutch would be funnier.

Dixons Group still suffering

Neil Greatorex

Unfortunately their sales droids get results

My neighbour asked for advice on what PC to buy for their daughter, who was orft to college to study some media related guff. So I said get a Mac, gave her enough info to get the right thing & told her specifically NOT to buy a windows machine. This was written down in crayon for the sales droid, so she would get the right thing for the job in hand, there was also an advisory from her college.

Unfortunately she went to PCW.

She came back with some poxy "media centre" PC the size of a brick, a 42" wide screen monitor/tv, all manner of wireless chaff, extended warranty, full MS Orofice licence, Norton PC fucker etc. etc.

Oh yeah, the PC is also running Fista (bloody slowly)

Over 2½ grand lighter in the pocket department too.

OK, Caveat emptor and all that, but the PCW droid knew he was onto a winner & really went for it. I'm told there were the usual "Macs don't run any software", "Fista is the only O/S", "You can't write a letter without Office @ 350 squids", "you can't connect to the internet without Norton PC fucker-upper @ 50 squids" etc. etc.

Sod bombing Slough, let's wipe these gits off the map :-)

Bye, I'm off to give Paris her daily portion of Mushy Peas :-)

Finnish blogger amputates Google from Google

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ Hipster Dufus

Sorry Hipster, I refuse to use Crapfox, have been an Opera user for more years than I care to remember, occasionally try the oppo, but always come back.

You can always use the host file authored by Mike Skallas to block stuff, (http://everythingisnt.com/hosts) but then how would we be able to read El Reg FOR FREE (sorry about the American caps lock lapse) without advertisers :-)

Paris, as she loves mushy peas :-)

Neil Greatorex

@ Now all we need is Google minus Wikipedia. ®

Nope, Google minus the shite "price comparison" scraping sites is what I'd like.


Council clamps down on 'man on the street'

Neil Greatorex

@ Hmmmm By Andy

Let me guess, you either forgot the humour tag or you work in HR.

If the former, sorry mush.

If the latter; you fucking parasite!

General question to HR twats: How do you sleep at night knowing that you have never, ever, ever made a positive contribution to the bottom line at ANY company.


Those of us that bring in revenue should rise up. Rise up I tell you!

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Up

@ Bootnote

Revenue^H^H^H^H^H^H Speed cameras.




Three found guilty of web extremism plot

Neil Greatorex

@ Richard Johnson

Spot on.

Is this a nuLabour thing?

It's time this shite stopped. If the new-fangled interweb had been around when I was a lad, I'd probably still be inside now :-)

I'm gone, OK?

PS Sorry to hear about the North Yorkshire town. Could happen to anyone really :-)

Microsoft's Vista push probed by Fair Trade Commission

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns

Re: McDonalds By Mark

"But you can't get away with not buying MS software on a computer."

Oh yes you can, go to novatech.co.uk , I haven't bought a computer with an MS infection for years. :-)

Microsoft running on at least 220,000 servers

Neil Greatorex

@ By Paul

Umm, this isn't /. so it's not our tradition.

I, however, bow to our new traditional overlords. :^)

Suprise at spelling snafu sanctions

Neil Greatorex
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@ By Steve 17:04

"rediculous loosers "

Whilst posting to a thread complaining about spelling standards, you fail to check your own; sorry pal, you're a ridiculous loser yourself....

Carbon Trust: Rooftop windmills are eco own-goal

Neil Greatorex

@ JonB

Excellent idea...... :-)

Another thought. How about we take the current obese generation, operate to remove the fat, render said fat down & use it to................

Fuel our cars :-)

Bingo. No more reliance on "big oil"


As an aside, if we do that there'll be no Chelsea supporters left.

Mine still has "Phuck off Phorm" in Rhinestones

Neil Greatorex

About time someone raised their head above the parapet.

Even here, in flattest Lincolnshire, where wind is pretty much guaranteed, the pay back period for a 1½m wind turbine (at todays electricity prices) is 50% longer than the designed operational lifetime of the bloody turbine.

Here's an idea: All televisions etc. sold in the UK come without a power cable, but are supplied with an exercise cycle fitted with a generator. The latest generation of fat couch potatoes could get fit whilst watching the drivel that is modern soap operas :-)

Hey, pedal-powered PC's & consoles? Who needs the Wii-fit?

OK, I'm leaving already :^)

Microsoft slams 'sensationalist' Vista analysis

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns

@ I bet if...

"I wasted £460 on Vista only to upgrade back to XP a month later."

Simon, why didn't you ask for your money back? "Merchantable Quality" anyone?

UK ISPs agree to menace their filesharing users

Neil Greatorex

Have I missed something?

When did file-sharing or downloading become "illegal"?

I thought this was a copyright issue...

Blighty's electro-supercar 2.0 uncloaked today

Neil Greatorex

@ By Michael C

Good man, nice to see someone engage brain before posting :-)

Remember peeps this is not /.

I'm gone already.

Asus blames lack of Linux Eee PCs on Atom hold-ups

Neil Greatorex

"Asus produces Linux and XP Eees in equal numbers"

Perhaps they should consider making more of the most popular version then. That would be a commercially prudent decision eh?

Unless, of course, the only way to sell XP infected machines is to "run out of" Linux versions :-)

Obama bloats Vista by 11MB

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns

Bloated bloatware

Remember when the entire dictionary would fit on a floppy or two?

This one update alone is 3 times the size of the hard drive on my first PC clone.


HTC Touch Diamond

Neil Greatorex
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Nuff said.

Bill Gates has gone, what's his legacy?

Neil Greatorex

'A computer on every desk'

That would be the ICL "One Per Desk" then. Conceived in 1981, launched in 1984.

The earliest reference to Billyboy is 1985.

I'm gone already :-)

Beeb's online music stations get rewind button

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ By J-Wick

"Flames cos I'll probably get some for liking the BBC"

Not from anyone here, son :-)

"I can't view Beeb video cos the IPlayer is for UK residents only"

Have you tried using a UK web proxy?

Paris, cos she could be my proxy :-)

Almost half of malicious sites tied to 10 networks

Neil Greatorex

I blame Microsoft

Just because I can :-)

I'm gone already.

Phorm failed to mention 'illegal' trials at Home Office meeting in 2007

Neil Greatorex

Home Office Press Office

"We asked if it was Home office policy to threaten journalists with excommunication if they try talking to senior civil servants. "No," she said. "It's just the way it is.""

So, she's saying it's not policy, but it is.


If one is a civilian, surely a civil servant should serve one?

The New Order: When reading is a crime

Neil Greatorex

@ Ted Treen

"gorgeous pouting Jacqui"

You Sir, owe me a keyboard.

Where's the "Pig" icon when you need it :-)

BBC website suits slapped for cash splurge

Neil Greatorex

@ W3C pedant

"Anyone every tried running news.bbc.co.uk through W3Cs validator?

Clearly they didn't get their money's worth there."

I just put www.w3.org through the w3c's validator, no it didn't blow up the internet, unlike googling "google" or looking up wikipedia on wikipedia :-)

Seen how many errors are thrown up? 53!

I think w3.org need to eat their own dog food.

I'm already on my way out of the door, no coat today.

Neil Greatorex

@ bloody piracy....

"I pay Sky a monthly stipend to provide my household with something that passes for 'entertainment' - I have no objection to that as it's both optional and productive."

You've got to laugh. Who, in their right mind, pays - yes, pays - for 45 minutes of advertising an hour? Aren't the adverts meant to pay for the service?

Licence fee, in my opinion, is very good value for money, have you seen the crap that's comically called "televison" in the US or Oz?

Ballmer and Gates defend Vista, drop Windows 7 hints

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

@ Vista is great

Who, when reading the post, immediately comes to the conclusion that the poster hasn't actually been using Fista? and, as another AC posted, assumes it's from a Microsoft shill.

If he had, and I'm in the unfortunate position of having to use it at work, he certainly wouldn't be posting such utter bollocks.

Paris, because even she isn't stupid enough to use it.

South Africa launches formal objection at OOXML

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Up

Good on ya SA!

Pity BSI don't have the same integrity.

Transport Dept wastes millions on shared services deal

Neil Greatorex

In other news

Night follows day.

Rain falls.

Italians cheat at football.

Government IT project is late, over budget and doesn't work as intended, if at all.

Someone has to stop these Civil Service/Government numpties wasting our money. Hey! I've got an idea; let's make the buggers accountable.

Microsoft pays people to use its search engine

Neil Greatorex

Unfortunately Microsoft have taken our comments too seriously.

Dear Microsoft: When I said "You'd have to pay me to use Microsoft Live Search" I really didn't mean it literally. :-)

UK.gov plans central database for all your communications

Neil Greatorex

How are they going to store this data?

As one /. user commented: "Now is the time to buy shares in storage media manufacturers"

Still, the sheer volume of information that would need to be stored precludes some Civil Service numpty losing it "in the post".

I'm on my way...

British Gas sues Accenture

Neil Greatorex

@ Mike Powers

"Accenture and "Andersen Consulting" are two different firms."


I direct you to steer your broyser to:


Read & inwardly digest.

Once digested, imagine how many marketing tw@s paid off their mortgage on that sweet little deal..

I still maintain that "Accenture" = talking funny + shite.

Neil Greatorex
Thumb Down


Weren't they Anderson Consulting, rebranded (obscenely expensively) by marketing tw@s?

Didn't they realise what they were doing?

Accent + Ordure.


Windows XP SP3 sends PCs into endless reboot

Neil Greatorex
Gates Horns

which do not significantly change customers' experience with the operating system

Quite right, Windows users have much experience of their PC's rebooting randomly.

No change there then.

I want a baby, coos broody Paris Hilton

Neil Greatorex
Paris Hilton

Baby names

Ho Chi Minh City Hilton?


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