* Posts by Mr Chris

75 posts • joined 12 Nov 2007

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Line up for full-windscreen satnav

Mr Chris

Is map reading a lost art now?

We have a cheaper, more environmentally- and user-friendly alternative to satnav - learn to read a f*cking map, you twits.

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US Army proto-Dalek combat robots enter testing

Mr Chris

Dalek? No.

It's an imperial probe droid.

It's a good bet the Empire knows we're here.

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Fertility watchdogs approve first human-animal hybrids

Mr Chris

If this is not used to make advanced monkey butlers...

...I shall be writing to my MP.

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Banksy artwork tops £200k on eBay

Mr Chris

No, Banksy is not brilliant

He's the artistic equivalent of the jokes in crackers.

And a criminal, too.

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US-Iranian naval clash: Radio trolls probably to blame

Mr Chris

Well, the US Navy agrees with Lewis

http://www.guardian.co.uk/iran/story/0,,2240533,00.html

"the US navy's journal, Navy Times, has claimed that the threats, which were broadcast last week by the Pentagon, are thought to have come from an infamous radio prankster.

It said the Filipino Monkey, who could be more than one person, listens to ship-to-ship radio traffic and then interrupts, usually with abusive insults.

Rick Hoffman, a retired captain, told the paper: "For 25 years, there's been this mythical guy out there who, hour after hour, shouts obscenities and threats. He used to go all night long. The guy is crazy.

"Could it have been a spurious transmission? Absolutely."

An unnamed civilian mariner told the Navy Times: "They come on and say Filipino Monkey in a strange voice. You're standing watch on bridge and all of a sudden it comes over the radio. It's been a joke out there for years.""

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Mobe snap murderers face justice

Mr Chris

@Mark

"But then you're basing your opinion upon a report published on a website. If you were a member of the jury, you may find that there is a great deal more evidence than is presented here..."

Exactly. And other posters are basing their decision to hang the guy *purely on the basis of this article*. Would you really be happy having your guilt determined by a jury that included that bunch?

No ta.

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UK.Gov green lights nuclear power

Mr Chris

@Acidbass

It'll go the same wasy as Scottish oil if they try - we'll use it all up before we give them any independence.

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Mr Chris

@Matt Hawkins

"but at least we've got energy security ... oh hang on we still need to buy uranium from other countries."

Apparently we don't, according to some Guv'mint bod on the Today programme this morning, as we have our own deposits. Not sure *where* in the UK these uranium mines are or are going to be, though. Hopefully central Birmingham.

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Cash-strapped NHS seeks Project Manager

Mr Chris

@not uncommon

"It's just lazy recruitment agents."

Sorry, is there another sort?

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Save the BBC - by setting it free

Mr Chris

@ Andrew Orlowski

"You imply that a private BBC with billions to spend would be what Murdoch really wants. It's almost certainly not: no rational businessman wants competition with a) more resources and b) more viewers.

A BBC with billions to spend would be able to buy the football right - which would destroy Sky's TV business.

No footie, no dishes, no subscriptions."

You're assuming that any sell off wouldn't end up with Murdoch having a controlling share in the new private BBC. The Competition Commission have consistently shown that they're not too fussed about him owning a hefty whack of UK news outlets of all formats (recent wobble re: ITV notwithstanding, but that was only because "National Treasure" Beardie Branson kicked up a stink).

And who's to say that a private BBC wouldn't move to a cable or satellite footing? And, god forbid, a subscription service? There'd be no controlling them.

This is all conjecture of course, but as that's what the (free-marketeering) article consisted of...

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First metal cut on BAE's 'Taranis' robot stealth bomber

Mr Chris

Good grief.

Didn't the RAF rather disastrously go through this thought process in the 20th century? First with their cancellation of, amongst others, the TSR2 project because "SAMs will make aircraft obsolete", and then later barely putting any money in fighter development because they believed the future was in unmanned aircraft they reckoned they could buy from the US?

All the chopping, changing, cancellations and cuts since the 50s have left us with a shoddy air force that's got ageing airframes soldiering on and shonky white elephant aircraft designed for threats that have long since passed but that still haven't been finalised.

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Watchdog raps MoD over Qinetiq sell-off bonanza

Mr Chris

Well...

.. John Bourn knows a thing or two about fleecing the public purse, so he'd know it when he sees it, I suppose.

Why on earth do the government persist with these sell-offs and PFI/PPP deals, when all the evidence (as handily compiled by Private Eye a year or two ago) is that they are significantly more expensive than the public equivalent (when one removes the handy "optimism bias" adjuster that the private sector consultants add to the calculations to show how much better value the PFI solutions are. No conflict of interest there eh?).

PFI policy is controlled by a PFI unit under a chap who is a partner on secondment from PwC - and PwC just happen to be the largest PFI financial adviser to the government. Ace.

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Mr Chris

Nothing new though, is it?

Since Brown and Blair cooked up the PFI fiddle (very useful for Gordo to stay in line with his Golden Rules) and also decided to continue the Tory policy of privatising everything in sight (because the private sector knows best, oh yes), it's been one long catalogue of projects being late and over budget.

Note to mods - I'm confused as to why none of my comments over the last day or two have been posted? Have I done something to offend the mighty El Reg staff?

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Wii grasses up cheating wife

Mr Chris

@ myself

Or "decWii Mii-si" for added punnage.

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Mr Chris

Love mii tender...

Well, he'll be looking forward to the decree Mii-si.

/gets coat.

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Will Darling's data giveaway kill off ID cards?

Mr Chris

@Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Do you not understand how statistical sampling works? Once you've got a statistically significant sample set (and I understand 2000 is on the correct side of that line) you can indeed extrapolate that up to the full population, with a good degree of accuracy.

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Darling admits Revenue loss of 25 million personal records

Mr Chris

@"think of the children"

I really hope you're taking the piss there.

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How HMRC gave away the UK's national identity

Mr Chris

@"what about the safety of children?"

"So these discs have the names, ages, and address of (hundreds of thousands?) of children?

What if pedophiles[sic] get this information?

Unbelievable!"

Paedophiles could find out where a large number of children live by walking down any given street in the country and seeing which houses the kids go into and out of. Or they could go to one of those places where lots of kids are stored in one building. What are they called? Schools, that's it.

They don't need a list of names and addreses to find children, you cretin.

Bank details, on the other hand, don't play in the streets where just anyone can see them.

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Beer set to hit four quid a pint

Mr Chris

Best start panic buying then

Mine's four pints please, landlord.

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UN mandates stability control in trucks - cars to follow

Mr Chris

@the "worthless" UN

"it doesn't have the balls to confront obscenely rich and psychotically violent Islamic princes and their proxy armies in genocidal campaigns across the world. "

"It", in this case, being the security council being vetoed by one or more of the US, Russia or China, depending on whose pet dictator is causing the problem.

There's nothing wrong with the UN - but there's a lot wrong with the governments who have too much say in what it can do.

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US man dies in Taser incident

Mr Chris

@Joe

Most definitely the latter - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/7096456.stm

Christ almighty.

Just stick "Taser" into the BBC news website search engine and be staggered at the amount of use it's getting in the UK. We've had a death or two as well.

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NZ bans Brit immigrant's overweight missus

Mr Chris

BMI

BMI works for the majority of people - most people just aren't that muscle-bound for it to throw off the scale enough to make them register as obese when they're not.

Face it - arguing that the BMI is wrong isn't going to make you thinner.

The only people I've ever heard arguing about it are fatties - the healthy people with normal or underweight BMIs and the weightlifters and the rugby players jwith "obese" BMIs ust don't care.

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Illegal immigrant finds work as spook for the FBI and CIA

Mr Chris

@ M burns

That's "precedents" not "precedence".

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Animal rights activist hit with RIPA key decrypt demand

Mr Chris

@mad mike

"Therefore, if people want to research on curing smoking related cancers, they shouldn't as rather than fixing the disease, the answer is simply not to smoke and cause it in the first place!!"

Yes, that's of great help to all the people with lung cancer that they developed due to starting smoking in the 50s, 60s and 70s when even doctors were telling you it was healthy.

And what about lung cancer caused by second hand smoke? Or other airborne toxins unrelated to cigarettes? "Smoking related cancers" are the same as certain non-smoking-related lung and throat cancers.

Don't be so simplistic.

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Galileo slammed by UK politicians

Mr Chris

@ Solomon Grundy

"EU is doomed if US attacks anyway"

Really? And how exactly *would* the US attack Europe, anyway?

Invasion - a transatlantic invasion would be logistically next-to-impossible, and horrendously open to being sunk on the way over. And as for surprise... it's not quite the English Channel. "Say, Madam President, whay are there a thousand US troop ships partway across the Atlantic?" "Er, we needed some more cleaners at Ramstein."

Airstrikes - well, yes, the US has a huge air force, but the combined air forces and air defence regiments of the EU could probably have a fairly reasonable stab at seeing them off.

Nuclear weapons - not really at all likely under any circumstances, for several reasons. First, they'd be blowing up their own bases. Second, there's a strategic deterrent on this side of the pond as well. Whilst the UK's nuclear arsenal may be to a greater or lesser degree dependent on the Americans (but I suspect we could, if push comes to shove, launch them without the assistance of the Americans), France has a few of their own as well.

So, there you go.

Anyway - back to the original topic. I heard Ms Dunwoody on Radio 4 this morning. What a shriekingly bonkers woman. Her cogent and well-thought out opinion on the subject: "I DON'T NEED SATELLITE NAVIGATION - I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I AM".

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