* Posts by Stu_The_Jock

89 posts • joined 18 Oct 2007


What happens when a Royal Navy warship sees a NATO task force headed straight for it? A crash course in Morse


Maybe someone could get the Americans "helping" on the bridge of the Norwegian Frigate before Christmas a chance to read this . . . Huge amounts of radar systems and they ran into a fully lit up tankship as "they thought it was the nearby oil processing plant" . . Probably as well it wasn't.

Sticking with one mobile provider gets you... Oh. Price rises, big exit fees, and lovely, lovely lock-in


Fleeced for a phone ? No ta.

Norway's had a split pricing system for the 12 years I've lived here (although I never use it as I generally don't change phone and contract at the same time, just because it'snot always suitable or convenient for me)

Sign up for new phone and pick a contract. XXX kroner/month for the contract for calls and data, plus XXkr/m for (generally) 2 years for the phone.

After the phone is paid off, you drop to the basic monthly fees.

As for the loyal customer penalty, that'll be when they call me up a month or so before the contract lock in is due to expire and offer me (generally) either a 15% discount on my monthly bill, or a free data upgrade for the same price. Agree to 12 months and we'll talk again next year. That agreement covers both my mobile, my son's and our 2 tablets on a data only shared plan.

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab


Technical equipment, user, not quite so.

Back around the turn of the millennium, a regular customer called to report a dead printer. Job duly handed to me as the local techie. Call customer for the usual pre-visit checks and talk to the insurance firm's IT manager.

Machine dead, "Have you confirmed it's correctly plugged in ?"

"Of course I have" she barks down phone...

"No problem, I'll be in tomorrow morning first thing with a new power supply"

next day, arrive, escorted to machine, glance at machine, test with power switch (proper hard switch, no soft switches then), dead . . check power lead firmly inserted, yep, trace cable back to socket, turn on switch on socket - machine whirs into life.

Never again did she doubt me and answer a query without going to double check.

'Your computer has a virus' cold call con artists on the rise – Microsoft


After over 100 of these calls over a year or so I was getting fed up, Lately they have been calling into Norway and spoofing Norwegian numbers,including at one point "112" the Police emergency number, I seem to have found a "cure" for them.

I'd bought a Flea-bay special "bike horn" that turned out to a piezo siren (smoke alarm on steroids, this thing WAS loud) , so I decided it was no use on the bike (my voice gets more attention) so when "Michael" from Microsoft called (from Delhi) I spoke softly to get him to run up his headset, then gave him a full blast of 15 seconds... then listened in to hear "He have a f***ing siren" . . not heard from them since :)

BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?



As a field engineer, our bosses decided not to follow the copy a local firm providing engineers for telecoms work with GPS tracking in the vans, and automatic reporting of where and when the vehicles stopped. The idea being to save engineers filling out logs for the vans with mileages etc.

What they failed to realise, until they dragged the first "victim" into a meeting to discuss his undocumented visits to non-customer sites and showed the logs from his van, was that every time the van engine did it's auto-stop/start thing at traffic lights, the tracking software registered a "STOP" and assumed it was the van being parked . . . None of the bosses in the chains had spotted all the "unscheduled stops" were in areas with heavy traffic and with traffic lights . . . DOH !

BT claims almost-gigabit connections over COPPER WIRE


Re: WHY WHY WHY WHY !!!!!!

Future proofing should't have to lock into one service provider. Each property built today should be provided with 2 or 3 15mm flexi pipes to a location in the property (beside fuse box say) that leads back to the local "telecoms cabinet" which allows the fibre to be patched into whichever providers want to connect to the box. With 15mm tube, one could even be pre-installed with cat6 type cabling ready to use for a phone/other copper based service if required.

Here in Stavanger (Norway) they are gradually going round town replacing a lot of underground cables and pipes, as they do so, they are laying LOTS of thin orange pipes feeding from comms boxes to homes (the property boundary anyway) then if/when the occupants want fibre, they just need to traverse their own property and through the (usually timber) house wall

Range Rover to fit trendy new SUV with FRIKKIN' LASER HUDs


Re: Call me sceptical

@Chris Miller : I believe you mean "No-one has ever seen an Evoque 'intentionally' off road" You have to remember how many people driving these things think 4WD means better braking (despite the dead weight of the thing) than a 2WD car, last I checked it was a legal requirement for ALL wheels on a car to have brake. This misconception often leads to this type o vehicle ending up off-road . . in a ditch, in a hedge, or in one bend I know of in Scotland, in the ploughed mud the farmer removes the fence from each winter (He got fed up of repairing the wall), right beside the sign with his phone number and prices for coming up with a tractor to pull you out, and NOT call your insurance company.

Google goes dark for 2 minutes, kills 40% of world's net traffic


Or maybe . . . .

. . . a Streetview car got too close to a datacentre, and while slurping, erm, looking at if there are available wifi networks, accidentally starting a fatal loop. (Much akin to setting up 3 accounts on a VAX cluster to forward e-mails in a ring) until it fell over.

Xerox copier flaw changes numbers in scanned docs


Re: "I've worked for Xerox for some years"

I "LOVE" calls for inkjet paper/OHP film etc melted in the fuser. Such a blatent PEBKAC is always chareable.

But back to the article . . . 200DPI for point size 6 ??? And this guy's dong a PHD ?

Hey, I need to copy this detailed thing, I know I'll turn down the DPI to make the file smaller.

BOFH: Don't be afraid - we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printer


Re: Do people still own printers?

Ah, thank you for bringing back a fond memory of seeing P45 appear across a users face as I helped their IT man by fixing their colour laser printer (back around 2001 so not full photo quality) . . Having swapped out the broken cog, the print queue starts appearing, and it seems it died outside office hours as lets say the first prints out were using a lot of magenta and yellow. Seems the company didn't approve of XXX printout, as the user concerned tried to hide behind his screen, the IT man pauses the printer to go check the queue for user IDs.

On my next visit to the office there was a distinctly tidy, empty desk in the corner.

As for the Canon people allowing models with BJ in the name, I had a customer (not in the UK) who's name was "B.J. Services" Who thought that was a good idea ?

Model S selling better than expected, says Tesla


Re: @ecofeco Umm, no! Leccy? No!!

I beg to differ. Did you check any statistics before stating "There isn't a single country in the world in which renewable electricity generation exceeds the demand for electricity." ? In Norway (latest figures are for 2011, they are still working on the 2012 numbers and they are not yet public) Total production of Hydro, Thermal and Wind power was 127,632 GWh. Total consumption for the country in that period 114,275GWh. Now correct me if I am wrong but that means norway had produced more power from renewable sources that they actually used . . in 2011 and 2012 a good deal of power was exported to Sweden while they carried out major maintainance on a nuclear station, including the cleanup after someone allegedly left a vacuum cleaner in the "hot zone" on startup for a test. Some stats ? http://www.ssb.no/en/elektrisitetaar/

Swedish linguists nix new word after row with Google


Re: Actually, it was removed for a much simpler reason

But did you tell Google to search SWEDISH language sites only for the word ? Much as "jernbanen" won't find many results on an English Google setup, it will find more when told to check in Norwegian. . .

B.T.W. "på norsk" the word would be ugooglebar. (Norwegian Google find that) as does the swedish google.se find links to ogooglebar BUT you have to remind google to search for what you typed, or they try to force you to see searches for googlebar . . ie their toolbar. Yet another case of Google trying to control what results we see based on what THEY want not what WE search for.

Drunk driving: No more dangerous than talking on handsfree mobe


Nice blonde

And how many people reading this instinctively glanced to one side to see aforementioned blonde, despite knowing they are sitting in a room on their own ?

Throttled customers rage over Virgin Mobile UK's tight cap


3G speeds . . work fine here

Having read this I decided to test my mobile provider. On my tablet via 3G I got 9.84Mb down and 1.66Mb/s up. Turn on the wireless and the mobil apps craps itself as it tops off at the 20Mb/s cap in teh app each way. . . and with 8GB/month for about £28/month equivalent (249 NOK) It's pretty reasonable priced too.

Moscow's speed cameras 'knackered' by MYSTERY malware


Re: 3.2 Million reasons to love speed cameras

You are right about Norway, the problem is the locals get too used to that attitude and walk/cycle out without looking. However when I first visited here ( I've lived out in Norway for 6 yrs now and LOVE it, highly recommended) my wife duly stepped onto a pedestrian crossing as a white transit van approached, which after 10 yrs in London I would have classed as "Suicide"

But then over here ALL traffic infractions are expensive . . . (based on a nominal 9 kroner/pound) - Speeding and getting caught - minimum fine 250ish pounds. Driving through a residential street marked as "No through traffic" £450. Crossing a double unbroken centre line to get past a bus at bus-stop (same rules as double white lines i UK) about £250.

And the police are allowed to, and DO "hide" with speed traps. I've seen a head peering over a rock with laser gun, sat in someones driveway, in a farmyard overlooking a long straight (where there have been quite a few accidents as people forget there is crossing traffic for a junction)

Ethernet at 40: Its daddy reveals its turbulent youth


Re: IBM's arrogance was that they could make standards ..

Actually I think you'll find one of the differences between £70 and £400 cameras is also in the quality of the lens and zoom mechanism, the quality (not the pixel count) of the sensor to allow lower light shooting, the intelligence to drive the auto-focus at a decent speed, etc etc etc. A camera, like any techy device contains many separate parts that can influence the final product. No point having the worlds best sensor and autofocus systems and then throwing in a cheap plastic lens system.

Mega-res telly demand to boom, say ball-gazers


"Call me when they make wallpaper which can display an HD image"

It's called hanging a decent projector from your ceiling. There you are, job done. Personally I'd rather go with a projector than obliterate half a house wall with a black rectangle until we fire up the nuclear reactor to power it.

Satnav-murdering Google slips its Maps into car dashboards


Re: Hmmm. Android!

Nice plan, but wouldn't work in the UK where the "fair use policy" would kick in half an hour after bringing home a new car which decides to try to download google maps data for that small area known as "Europe" including ALL streetview images it thinks you "might" need one day. . . On the other hand unlocking this system could be fun with kids in the back editing the satnav destination from "Grannys house" to "Alton Towers" or similar. . . . .


Re: Data Cost

Twin sims ARE available, even for mere "consumers" (Well they are in norway) . . For work I have a phone and tablet with twinned sims, one for calls/sms/data the other is a pure data sim, but twinned to same contract and data allowance. So it doesn't matter if I decide to leave the tablet in the van and log a calls details on the phone. I can on my private phone contract get a twin sim for a tablet/3G or 4G dongle with a nominal cost for the sim itself, then fully shared data allowances.

Never come near the 8GB/month limit on my own tablet . .

Word wonks insist GIFs are really JIFs



On a slight tangent . . try Norwegians . . who not using the letter "W" at the start of words often will claim to drive a "Bay Emm Vay" (phonetically) they give people that say "Bay Emm Dobbel-Vay" a funny look . . Yeah we pronounce letters a bit different over here, but generally I take a name with a W to include that and not arbitrarily swap to another letter.



Re: So What?

Time to exert your rights as a consumer. If it's faulty, they have a legal obligation to send it off for repair, however are you SURE the wifi issue is the phone ? Unless stated otherwise in any contract they have no obligation to offer a loan phone. I've been waiting 3 weeks for my coffee machine to return from repair, but I didn't get a loan coffee machine. Have you tried contacting HTC support directly instead of O2 ? I've found a few times that although "legally" the retailer is obliged to help you, often the makers are more helpful direct. . . And stating you'll never buy an HTC again because of bad service from 02 is like never buying a Ford again because you didn't like the service the dealer gave you . . . plenty other people sell Fords (and HTC phonees too, although maybe not the SAME people)

Everything Everywhere bags 4G monopoly in UK - for now


4G ? Which definition ?

Are we using the UK definition of 4G using "UK spectrum allocations" or "Apples" ? "•4G LTE (700, 2100MHz) US and Canada only" So for anyone who ran out and bought a new iPad waigint for the 4G network . . . HAHAHAHAHA Ain't going to happen UK side as Apple were too shortsighted to include international frequency sets in their specification.


Re: Legal Action

Not in the UK, where as far as I understand it the frequency that 4G will be running on is not the same as the USA 4g, and therefore the new iSpad is not going to be 4G compatable in the UK, (or for that matter most of the world)

PayPal drops into McDonalds, begs meat-guzzlers to give it a bonk


Re: It would help...

I'd like a choice. When passing through Heathrow last week, I stuck my card in as usual for chip-n-pin, to find the machine kept tellingthe assistant to "Ask customer to present their card" NO indication it meand NFC or contactless or anything, In the end "I" spotted the NFC logo on the reader and tried it, "bing" payment taken with no PIN, which personally I don't like. At the least it should be the customer sets the floor limit at which a PIN is required, after all it's our money. Banks tell us it's to save time in store, but chip and PIN takes me 3 or 4 secs, total, so I don't see how much they think I "NEED" to save 4 secs per transaction, having waited 4 mins to get to a cashier.

Dish Networks locks horns with broadcasters over ad skipping


Re: Buy the DVD

That's why I rip the main feature to DivX, heave it on my ext HDD hanging off the DVD player and suddenly no ads. Bit more work ripping to make sure I have both English and Norwegian versions done though. Also protects the DVDs from small sticky fingers.

BT missing from Pirate Bay High Court slap-down


Re: "properly licensed digital services"

If the details stating the requirements to iTunes and WMP are not on the OUTSIDE of the packaging, then you can legally return it as "unfit for purpose" as it does meet the description printed on the box. Text sealed inside a plastic film and unreadable until opened CANNOT prevent return for this. Same as if you open a software package and don't agree to the full terms you can legally return it for a refund. (It's just the shops like to kick up a fuss over it)

Ten... Bedroom Gadget Treats


Re: I'm dubious

Having an earlier version of the wake up light in our room in Norway, I can testify that having teh gentle visual stimulation to bring you out a deep sleep before the alarm sounds is actually MUCH nicer than going snore to "Where's that bleedin alarm" in 1/2 sec. I was dubious until we used it through a full winter season. Made getting up a LOT easier. And it doesn't wake you up 20 mins before allocated time, it gradually simulates a sunrise to bring you out a deep sleep cycle ready to wake you more politely.

Pair of double-As give you cheap, quick charge


Re: £2.00 solution.

A pack of 11 (ELEVEN) batteries ?

That's a new one on me. Seen 10 and 12 before, but never 11.

Council spunks '£100k on how to wash your hands' vid


Re: There are plenty of blokes...

Re washing hands BEFORE peeing . . . same goes after chopping chilli peppers ! Believe me I KNOW !

Thousands of Brits bombarded in caller spoofing riddle


Re: Truecall

We get those over in Norway too, trying to get them find what they try to get to (which only seems to work in XP, as my wife got the first one when I was out and didn't know any better), on a PC set to Norsk in fun. . . . Asking why "Windows" would know about a problem on a Linux PC confuses them too. . . or simply refusing to admit I speak English.

Ten... sub-£100 mono laser printers


Re: Nice to see this...

I assume you have tried cleaning the paper feed rollers with a moist cloth to remove the years of paper dust buildup ?

Satnav blunders blamed for £200m damages


Outdated maps ?

They'll never force makers to issue lifetime free updates, but it should at least have a 6 or 12 month "latest map" included in the price. My Tomtom (now 6 months old) tells me the maps are 7 months old . . yet their "latest map guarantee" never got me the update withing the 3 month windiw it shoud have done That said it still shows the speed limit on the main road between Stavanger and Kristiansand (That's in Norway) as 90km/h, and they have done for 10 yrs, despite the fact the limit there has NEVER been 90, has always been 80, and I know of at least 8 people that have used the "report errors" function to send in corrections over the last few years. Nice to see they pay attention . . .

Upgrade eliminates Atlantis from Google Earth


But at least Google have a sense of humour . . .

My personal fave find on google maps so far is this set of walking instructions . . . . http://g.co/maps/ejy76

Virgin Media to push out nimble new broadband speeds


20Mb entry level . . . nice . .

nice but not phenomenal . . . I've a nice 40Mb synchronous line, damned stable at 38+Mb too. I'd love to upgrade to their top deal (from the entry level I'm on) but with a 100Mb home network opting for a 400Mb internet package seems a bit pointless.

(www.lyse.net if you want more info, but you "might" want to get google translate to help a little)

Ten... mini hi-fi systems


Alternatively . . .

. . . Rip all the CDs to decent quality MP3 (I use CDEX and it does a cracking job with the filelookups) Heave all the files onto a nice Netgear ReadyNAS (such as the DUO 1TB) and play via a "Squeezebox" either the "touch" to use your existing amp, or "radio" tfor an all in one solution. Lets you choose "folder" view so how you file the music is how is finds it, NOT based on MP3 tags. Of course this also makes all your files available easily to any PCs in eh house that are on the same network.

Comet 'sold 94,000 pirate Windows CDs', claims Microsoft


Never mind the media . . feel the licence restrictions

Last year I needed to reinstall XP on the wifes old laptop, so it could be reused for other purposes, as windows over time had become totally unstable. used the ORIGINAL supplied restore CD, problem the licence key fails to work, call Microshaft and got told by their own staff that as they "no longer issue keys for XP I should install a corporate edition and find/borrow a key" (Wasn't aware that XP had an expiry date after whice it cannot be reinstalled, surely the key it comes with should always work.

When I asked if he meant I should "pirate a copy of XP corporate" he said "YES"

I wasw under the impression we "bought a licence" to use the software and didn't "rent it until M$ sees fit to change it's mind"

UK's solar 'leccy cash slash ruled unlawful


Ah, NOW I realise who you are

You're that bloke driving a "JCB for hire"

Verizon retreats on ‘convenience fee’ for online bill payment


Fee to actually get a bill

I've always thought that charging customers to get a bill showing WHAT they are charged for should be illegal. Fair enough a small charge to receive it on ex-trees sent via Royal Snail or equivalent, but receiving a PDF / link to web based itemised bill should be free. I'm pretty sure if I was a contracted plumber or carpenter doing a job for a phone company and I sent a bill with a "TOTAL" and simply "Charges for works and materials, £5,000" they'd be pretty quick to NOT pay me.

Then again almost everyone in Norway uses electronic payments now anyway, so if a bill has a due date of the 4th Jan, we tell the bank to pay it on the 4th and the money goes there and then, IF we feel generous we pay a day before due date.

The moment a computer crash nearly caused my car crash


Ah, the old faithfull Landy

Which if memory serves me right is the only car you can change basically EVERY part on (including the beams in the chassis) and as long as the VIN tag stays with the "vehicle" remains the same vehicle. . . and incidently the ONLY vehicle to complete the Top Gear offroad "drive up the muddy farm track" test a few years back. . . . BMW X5 - FAIL, Merc - Fail, Mitsubishi - fail . . 1960s Landy, no prob, then again in 2WD mode . . .

On the other hand, comfort was not a design issue !

Facebook disses Effin Irishwoman



You are of course assuming it IS the individual spamming you not one of the many dubious apps that spam under users names,

China pad peddler wins iPad name from Apple


Much as it pains me to admit it . . .

. . . I actually think Apple ar right in this one. I can't see how you can sell "Global rights" to something but retain those to an area containing something around 20% of the worlds population. If it was sold as global, it should MEAN global.

GCHQ code-breaking challenge cracked by Google search


Password ?

Or maybe simply finding the "you found it" page proves you didn't crack the code and the REAL page it takes you to is on a totally seperate site, not indexed on a public DNS, and the "passcord" is an IP address to log into . . . .

just a thought !

HP douses firebomb printer hack threat


ink ? toner ?

As the article clearly states they are referring to "laserjet" series machines, they are toner based machines with a fuser to melt the toner onto the page.

Ink based machines are deskjets or officejets.

The clue is in the LASERjet, ie LASER printer utilising a laser to modify the charge on a drum, which is then used to transfer toner to the page in a set pattern.

BOFH: The day the office budget bombed – literally



I also got a free video projector because of it, OK the screws were all a bit rusty and it was a bit bashed after the little incendiary incident destroyed my employers head office. Even seen a 19" rack of SCSI drives that's been thrown 12 feet or so into the racks on the other side of the room ? So yes you're correct. . . . diesel DOES burn . . . what are these "diesel doesn't burn" people on . . . how do they thing the "bangs" inside a diesel engine occur ?

Pass the wine, dear. Yes, that papier-mache thing


re-use bottles

Ah, the good old days ot taking your Barrs glass lemonade and Irn Bru bottles back to the shop to get your deposit back . . . maybe taking up the Norwegian system is what they need to do. Almost ALL soft drinks come in thick, not squishy, plastic bottles, with about 30p deposit on 1.5litle and 15p on 500ml bottles and 330 cans. All supermarkets have automatic machines that use a combination of weight checks and barcode readers to sort the deposit due and print a voucher to redeem at cashout. Not uncommon to see people coming in with mutliple black bags full, and collecting enough to pay for a a few days shopping.

The drinks cans are crushed in the machine and bagged, bottled loaded onto pallet sized racks for large, and crates for the smaller bottles and sent to be cleaned and relabeled and refilled.

Apple applies to patent a SIM you can't remove


Self defeating idea that

If they patent the process of removing bodily waste via the anus (slighhtly more politely put) then surely if they "sued the crap out of us" instead of allowing the normal method, they'd immediately have to stop sueing us as we'd not be doing it the "patented way" . . . . .. . . . . .

Manufacturers testing wider cars for swingbellies


Car parking

You ought to try using the carpark off Lower Thames St in London, used to use it regullarly when working as a service engineer in that part of town. Every 4th space (+ the 5th) was occupied by an XK8, Porche GTsomething, SLK or similar not overlarge but expensive car parked with the handbrake lever neatly above the line between 2 spaces. If the sign outside read anything less than 100 spaces free, I drove past, those 100 spaces were non existant. Although I did get in once by sticking the van between 2 sportscars parked mid-space, doing likewise, and climbin over front seats to get out rear sliding door !

UK.gov threatens to 'pull plug' on smart meter rollout


Switch between sources ?

Not going to happen, because it's against EU rules. Norway (Not EU but EEA, kinda like not getting to choose the food but getting the a share of the catering bill) uses almost exclusively hydro power . . ie almost NO carbon emissions, but our electricity has the same carbon tax and the rest of the EU "to be fair" as the power has to theoretically go to EU land be mixed with french nuclear and come back. . .


What will it do for you ?

Well as the idea of the "smart meter" is it allows HOURLY pricing (assuming it's the same "smart meters" we're getting in norway by 2015) so when demand is lower overnight such heavy items as washing machines can be set to run on timers to reduce your bills, or to charge up storage heaters (remember them) . . . However as they require a constant internet connection, maybe sorting out the ISPs with their "fair use" aka "trying to actually use the service you pay for" limits first would be smarter.

UK shamed in high-speed broadband study


59/6 ?

Nice speeds but my last test was 40.1 down and 45.5up . . and that's on my Norwegian ISPs entry level offering if we take phone and TV with web. I "can" upgrade to 400/400 but don't REALLY see the point (Nor do I suspect that my wife would let me spend that much on it)


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