* Posts by Andrew Moore

1720 publicly visible posts • joined 2 Mar 2007

1980s sci-fi movies: The thrill of being not quite terrified on mum's floral sofa

Andrew Moore

Re: CGI is killing sci-fi

"When special effects were difficult and expensive, directors had to fill the time between them with a story..."

I find the same with today's video games- flashy sounds and graphics, and boring, basic gameplay. Back when sounds and graphics were primitive, the developers had to put the effort into the gameplay.

The healing hands of customer support get an acronym: Do YOU have 'tallah-toe-big'?

Andrew Moore

Meeeeee tooooooo.....

" It means my innate ability to solve software issues simply by bringing my aura within the proximity of an offending device..."

Happens to me all the time. I think that my arrival causes the user to actually use the computer/software correctly, in case they might expose themselves as being the problem. Of course, said user then proclaims that the computer has resolved the issue by itself.

Hot chips crashed servers, but were still delicious

Andrew Moore

I once had a customer complain to my boss because I "made her feel stupid"- by removing the batteries from her device and then reinserting them the right way round, as shown by the little pictures at the back of the battery compartment.

Andrew Moore

Re: Power Cables...

Got a callout to a remote site- machine not powering on. User insisted that they had checked the power cables and everything. I drove down (2 hours), walked into the office, and in full view of everyone picked the plug off of the floor and plugged it back in the socket. A quick check with the operator that everything was now working and I left for another 2 hour drive. The bastards even tried disputing my callout charge claiming that all I did was plug the computer back in.

Peak smartphone? iPhone X flunks 'supercycle' hopes

Andrew Moore

Hmmmm...

I'm starting to think that "Analyst" means "someone who hasn't got a clue about what they are talking about"

An object failure: All in all, it's just another... file system component?

Andrew Moore

It's why he said "mitt"- short for mitten, which doesn't have any fingers unless you count the thumb...

No 2017 bonus for you, HPE tells employees

Andrew Moore

Re: What's a bonus?

Or "we need capital to invest in The Future".

The Future obviously being the CEO's bank balance...

Apple: Sure, we banned VPN iOS apps in China, but, um, er, art!

Andrew Moore

and they can't really leave the country because that's where all their products are manufactured.

How about that time Russian military used a video game pic as proof of US aiding ISIS?

Andrew Moore

One for the conspiracy theorists...

How about American "Intelligence" left this "evidence" on a "secure" server that foreign "Intelligence" could hack?

Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

Andrew Moore

But surely...

...transubstantiation would have kicked it by the time the sausage reaches the stomach...

Uber loses appeal against UK employment rights for workers

Andrew Moore

Surely...

"A key element of being a worker is having to turn up for work even if you don’t want to."

I'm pretty sure that Zero Hour Contracts have kinda rendered this point moot.

KFC turns Japanese bath tubs into party buckets

Andrew Moore

Re: Difficult to phrase this

a lot less odd than Rick and Morty fans...

Boss put chocolate cake on aircon controller, to stop people using it

Andrew Moore

Re: The joy of climate control

Brexit? It's Brexit isn't it?

No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

Andrew Moore

Re: Actually

"Do you have a source for this to counteract the Wikipedia claim it originated before then..."

I think the Trumpkins' default response to this kind of debating is "buh-buh-buh-Bengazi..." or "EMAILS!!!!"

Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

Andrew Moore

Re: It's always the same, isn't it?

I installed a GPS re-radiator (a device for taking external GPS signals and re-broadcasting them indoors) in our office a couple of weeks ago. A few days after I installed it, one of the salesmen complained that the GPS kit he was working on wasn't able to get a satellite fix- he instantly moved to blaming the re-radiator even though I pointed out to him that the error message he was getting was nothing to do with the GPS signals. So he went and stood outside in the rain for half an hour. Eventually came back in swearing and saying that he still wasn't able to get a fix and it was all the re-radiators fault. I pointed out to him that the error message he was getting indicated that he had not set up the internet connection*. Cue dim light bulb above his head.

* Yes, I could have pointed this out to him before he went and stood in the rain, but he needed to learn a lesson.

Dropbox thinks outside the … we can't go there, not when a box becomes a 'collection of surfaces'

Andrew Moore

Hang on...

...where's the accompanying whale-song?

What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

Andrew Moore

Re: It's a version of the birthdays question.

23- it's based on the total number of pairs there are in the room.

Andrew Moore

Re: A certain bias, there

Given that your liver should be able to clear one unit of alcohol per hour*, the 4 pints should be gone after 8 hours.

*One-ish unit per hour- changes due to metabolism and/or gender.

Andrew Moore

Re: 260 working days per year

I'm guessing "America"

Andrew Moore

Re: and in the real world

I would also increase the number of tests on a person if they had already previously tested positive.

NatWest customer services: We're aware of security glitch

Andrew Moore

Re: PayPal Fail

Ha, had exactly that same problem setting up a new router yesterday. Eventually I realised that the password (passphrase) I was using was longer than it expected. A quick factory reset and a shorter password later...

Nokia updates classic comeback mobe 3310

Andrew Moore

Dustproof!!!

Will miracles never cease...

Dome, sweet dome: UAE mulls Martian city here on Earth ahead of Red Planet colonization

Andrew Moore

Okay....

...at what point does Pauly Shore join the project?

Smartphone SatNavs to get centimetre-perfect GNSS receivers in 2018

Andrew Moore

Re: Never do this

My kit's currently using GPS, GLONASS, Galileo and Beidou all simultaneously (QZSS is also possible but no chance we'll see that in the northern hemisphere).

Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Andrew Moore
Coat

Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What cheese comes between Roque Three and Roque Five?

Okay, now I'm done...

Andrew Moore

I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?

Mascarpone...

What’s the best cheese to coax a bear out of a tree?

Camembert...

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi...

How did the cheese maker paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester...

How do you cross a welsh minefield?

Caerphilly...

And what happens if you don’t cross a welsh minefield Caerphilly?

You get de Brie everywhere...

Inept bloke who tried to sell military sat secrets to Russia gets 5 years

Andrew Moore

Re: Gregory Allen *Justice*

May I be the first to say: Justice has been served...

David Potter rejoins 'New New Psion' as Hon.Chairman

Andrew Moore

PsiWin's main problem was; it sent a query to see if it was talking to a PDA and the acknowledgement response was to repeat back the query. Which meant that every modem (internal and external) with echo on confused it into thinking it was talking to a PDA. That one caused me no end of fun when I worked on tech support.

North Korea attacks Bitcoin bods to swell its war chest says FireEye

Andrew Moore

A simple solution...

just cut NK's access to the internet...

Paris Hilton inflates cryptocurrency bubble some more, backs Initial Coin Offering

Andrew Moore

Re: PonziCoin

Spelling

Linus Torvalds passed a kidney stone and then squeezed out Linux 4.13

Andrew Moore

Re: Maladie cher maladie

Might explain why he has been a little grumpy recently...

Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Andrew Moore

Yep...

"having finally acknowledged that its data roaming surcharges were unwarranted and trying to spin its admission of guilt into "added value"."

Yep, I love how companies try to spin that something that they are now legally required to do was something that only they thought up and are now offering to their customers out of the goodness of their hearts...

User thanked IT department for fast new server, but it had never left its box

Andrew Moore

Re: Praise or accusations of work not done?

Otherwise known as a PICNIC- Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

Bombastic boss gave insane instructions to sensible sysadmin, with client on speakerphone

Andrew Moore

Re: The ones that really annoy me

I was in a high level meeting where my boss demanded to know why I had not followed standard protocol and done something completely different instead. I responded by sliding a copy of an email from him, over to him and pointed out, in front of his bosses, where he had instructed me to ignore standard protocol and do what he'd told me to do instead.

In fairness, I was used to him stabbing me in the back to look good, so I'd come prepared.

Andrew Moore

I had a similar situation- I told him to fuck off.

Reality strikes Dixons Carphone's profits after laughing off Brexit threat

Andrew Moore

Ever so slowly...

...Project Fear becomes Project Fact.

Paris nightclub red-faced after booze-for-boobs offer exposed

Andrew Moore

Re: Really ?

Also, this is France, and they have very funny ideas regarding sex...

Andrew Moore

Re: Not unusual

I can remember a bar in down town San Diego which hung bras (given by drunken patrons) from the ceiling.

Science fiction great Brian Aldiss, 92, dies at his Oxford home

Andrew Moore

Re: The Greats have gone

I like Dan Simmons. And I have a soft spot for William Gibson.

In the red corner: Malware-breeding AI. And in the blue corner: The AI trying to stop it

Andrew Moore

Hmmmm...

I see Prince Robot IV got an office job then...

Sorry, psycho bosses, it's not OK to keylog your employees

Andrew Moore

Re: Play the game

Indeed- and we are talking about a country that expects you to give up your own time to attend breakfast and weekend meetings...

Marketing giant Marketo forgets to renew domain name. Hilarity ensues

Andrew Moore

Re: This kind of thing will happen more and more.

Just had exactly the same thing happen in my company- Marketing decided to push out a major IT change without running it by the IT dept. Half way thru, the project is a massive failure and we've been asked to come in to bail them out. I'm just going to management now with a break down of how much it is going to cost with licences, maintenance packages and a new Exchange server. And a stern reminder of why these projects always have to come thru IT.

User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Andrew Moore

Re: Has a customer ever apologised to you?

>I am always willing to work for cake.

This was a triumph,

I'm making a note here, huge success,

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction...

Andrew Moore

Re: Has a customer ever apologised to you?

Yes and recently too. I had a customer who had not charged the batteries on a unit before taking it offsite. Off course when he got to his remote location (no power available) and went to switch on the kit, no joy. So he rang me (support for the kit supplier), gave out and told me he was going to throw the whole thing "out of the window". I did tell him that he could not really blame the equipment for his failing to charge it. Anyway call ended and I thought that was that. Until he rang back the next day, apologised for how he had spoken to me, and accepted that it was all his fault.

My jaw is still on the floor till this day...

Alphabay shutdown: Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? Not use your Hotmail...

Andrew Moore

Agreed- "suicide" seems to convenient considering his clientele...

Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

Andrew Moore

Be thankful....

https://goo.gl/images/ZYo9SW

Andrew Moore

Re: Your thinking about it wrong...

This wasn't a triumph,

I'm making a note here; huge failure,

It's hard to understate my dissatisfaction...

Juicero does to its staff what your hands can do to its overpriced juice sacks

Andrew Moore

Re: staff get reamed

It's the belief that "brand is everything". While this might be true for a very small number of products, it usually comes after many years of graft. And it is usually used to justify selling very low quality goods...

'Help! I'm stuck in this ATM,' writes poor bloke on a scribbled note

Andrew Moore

Re: Damn!

And I'm sure that they had a go at shooting the door open before kicking it in. Because Texas.

User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Andrew Moore

Re: Government staff: need I say more?

>I regularly get "I can't get on the internet. Is your email server down?"

I get "Is the internet down?"