* Posts by Andrew Moore

1508 posts • joined 2 Mar 2007

Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Andrew Moore
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Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What cheese comes between Roque Three and Roque Five?

Okay, now I'm done...

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Andrew Moore
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I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?

Mascarpone...

What’s the best cheese to coax a bear out of a tree?

Camembert...

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi...

How did the cheese maker paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester...

How do you cross a welsh minefield?

Caerphilly...

And what happens if you don’t cross a welsh minefield Caerphilly?

You get de Brie everywhere...

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Inept bloke who tried to sell military sat secrets to Russia gets 5 years

Andrew Moore
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Re: Gregory Allen *Justice*

May I be the first to say: Justice has been served...

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David Potter rejoins 'New New Psion' as Hon.Chairman

Andrew Moore
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PsiWin's main problem was; it sent a query to see if it was talking to a PDA and the acknowledgement response was to repeat back the query. Which meant that every modem (internal and external) with echo on confused it into thinking it was talking to a PDA. That one caused me no end of fun when I worked on tech support.

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North Korea attacks Bitcoin bods to swell its war chest says FireEye

Andrew Moore
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A simple solution...

just cut NK's access to the internet...

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Paris Hilton inflates crypto bubble some more, backs Initial Coin Offering

Andrew Moore
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Re: PonziCoin

Spelling

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Linus Torvalds passed a kidney stone and then squeezed out Linux 4.13

Andrew Moore
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Re: Maladie cher maladie

Might explain why he has been a little grumpy recently...

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Andrew Moore
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Yep...

"having finally acknowledged that its data roaming surcharges were unwarranted and trying to spin its admission of guilt into "added value"."

Yep, I love how companies try to spin that something that they are now legally required to do was something that only they thought up and are now offering to their customers out of the goodness of their hearts...

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User thanked IT department for fast new server, but it had never left its box

Andrew Moore
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Re: Praise or accusations of work not done?

Otherwise known as a PICNIC- Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

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Bombastic boss gave insane instructions to sensible sysadmin, with client on speakerphone

Andrew Moore
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Re: The ones that really annoy me

I was in a high level meeting where my boss demanded to know why I had not followed standard protocol and done something completely different instead. I responded by sliding a copy of an email from him, over to him and pointed out, in front of his bosses, where he had instructed me to ignore standard protocol and do what he'd told me to do instead.

In fairness, I was used to him stabbing me in the back to look good, so I'd come prepared.

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Andrew Moore
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I had a similar situation- I told him to fuck off.

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Reality strikes Dixons Carphone's profits after laughing off Brexit threat

Andrew Moore
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Ever so slowly...

...Project Fear becomes Project Fact.

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Paris nightclub red-faced after booze-for-boobs offer exposed

Andrew Moore
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Re: Really ?

Also, this is France, and they have very funny ideas regarding sex...

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Andrew Moore
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Re: Not unusual

I can remember a bar in down town San Diego which hung bras (given by drunken patrons) from the ceiling.

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Science fiction great Brian Aldiss, 92, dies at his Oxford home

Andrew Moore
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Re: The Greats have gone

I like Dan Simmons. And I have a soft spot for William Gibson.

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In the red corner: Malware-breeding AI. And in the blue corner: The AI trying to stop it

Andrew Moore
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Hmmmm...

I see Prince Robot IV got an office job then...

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Sorry, psycho bosses, it's not OK to keylog your employees

Andrew Moore
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Re: Play the game

Indeed- and we are talking about a country that expects you to give up your own time to attend breakfast and weekend meetings...

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Marketing giant Marketo forgets to renew domain name. Hilarity ensues

Andrew Moore
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Re: This kind of thing will happen more and more.

Just had exactly the same thing happen in my company- Marketing decided to push out a major IT change without running it by the IT dept. Half way thru, the project is a massive failure and we've been asked to come in to bail them out. I'm just going to management now with a break down of how much it is going to cost with licences, maintenance packages and a new Exchange server. And a stern reminder of why these projects always have to come thru IT.

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User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Andrew Moore
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Re: Has a customer ever apologised to you?

>I am always willing to work for cake.

This was a triumph,

I'm making a note here, huge success,

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction...

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Andrew Moore
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Re: Has a customer ever apologised to you?

Yes and recently too. I had a customer who had not charged the batteries on a unit before taking it offsite. Off course when he got to his remote location (no power available) and went to switch on the kit, no joy. So he rang me (support for the kit supplier), gave out and told me he was going to throw the whole thing "out of the window". I did tell him that he could not really blame the equipment for his failing to charge it. Anyway call ended and I thought that was that. Until he rang back the next day, apologised for how he had spoken to me, and accepted that it was all his fault.

My jaw is still on the floor till this day...

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Alphabay shutdown: Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? Not use your Hotmail...

Andrew Moore
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Agreed- "suicide" seems to convenient considering his clientele...

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

Andrew Moore
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Be thankful....

https://goo.gl/images/ZYo9SW

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Andrew Moore
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Re: Your thinking about it wrong...

This wasn't a triumph,

I'm making a note here; huge failure,

It's hard to understate my dissatisfaction...

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Juicero does to its staff what your hands can do to its overpriced juice sacks

Andrew Moore
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Re: staff get reamed

It's the belief that "brand is everything". While this might be true for a very small number of products, it usually comes after many years of graft. And it is usually used to justify selling very low quality goods...

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'Help! I'm stuck in this ATM,' writes poor bloke on a scribbled note

Andrew Moore
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Re: Damn!

And I'm sure that they had a go at shooting the door open before kicking it in. Because Texas.

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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Andrew Moore
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Re: Government staff: need I say more?

>I regularly get "I can't get on the internet. Is your email server down?"

I get "Is the internet down?"

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Trump to world: Forget moving to America to do a startup

Andrew Moore
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Re: Why on Gahd's Green Earth....

My favourite burger joint ran a competition on July 4th, any one who bought a burger that day were in a chance to win a flight for two to the US. Needless to say, many people stayed away rather than risk winning the competition...

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Andrew Moore
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The Post-US Era...

I saw a great description at the weekend after America's almost non-appearance at the G20 summit. It said that we have now moved into the Post-US era; the time when America's relevance on the world stage diminishes and some other country moves in to fill the void. Right now, that is looking like China or Russia, India lagging a lot behind them and Europe in a distant forth place.

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'My dream job at Oracle left me homeless!' – A techie's relocation horror tale

Andrew Moore
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I had decent savings before the last recession. Now I have nothing. But given how much I lost to the banks, I will think twice before saving again.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

Andrew Moore
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Re: Club with only one member

Wildcards for the win!!!

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Andrew Moore
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Re: The power of suggestion

"Oh we make them all the time," the PFY replies. "We just don't tell anyone."

I've been operating this way for a fair few years now. Now things go:

User: "Oh, there's been a change to blah-blah-blah."

Me: "Yes, two years ago..."

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Sysadmin bloodied by icicle that overheated airport data centre

Andrew Moore
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Re: Frozen winter shit.

"Blaster Bates"- That was my first thought too...

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

Andrew Moore
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Excuse me but...

"El Reg reached out to Microsoft for comment."

Don't you start as well with the PR bollocks. The correct term is "contacted"

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Bonkers call to boycott Raspberry Pi Foundation over 'gay agenda'

Andrew Moore
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Re: Rainbow

Darby O'Gill: Give me the pot of gold, ye little blaggard!

King Brian waves his hands in the air, creating a tiny rainbow...

King Brian: And now you have The Gay.

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Male escort says he gave up IT to do something more meaningful

Andrew Moore
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Okay, not the sex work industry...

But I've noticed a huge number of IT people in craft food and drink- brewing, distilling, cheesemaking, baking, choclate...

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US engineer in the clink for wrecking ex-bosses' smart meter radio masts with Pink Floyd lyrics

Andrew Moore
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Re: Not now John

Come at the end of the shift and we'll go and get pissed...

Rather appropriate.

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Despite high-profile hires, Apple's TV plans are doomed

Andrew Moore
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Re: "Apple helped to destroy the music business."

Well, have you noticed how there's no music any more...

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BOFH: Halon is not a rad new vape flavour

Andrew Moore
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Yep- a government agency I had to do work for had one in their server room. It went off one time will I was working there due a faulty fire alarm.

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Disney mulls Mickey Mouse magic material to thwart pirates' 3D scans

Andrew Moore
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Re: Workaround

Exactly my thought- a good coat of matt paint would defeat this...

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Swedish school pumps up volume to ease toilet trauma

Andrew Moore
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Noy only Plopp...

but they also have a chocolate bar called Kexx. I like to take the bar from Plopp and stick it into the Kexx wrapper and tell everyone that I "have a Plopp in my Kexx"...

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DUP site crashes after UK general election

Andrew Moore
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I for one...

...am looking forward to the introduction of the Renewable Heat Incentive into the UK...

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What a tit! Uber CEO hijacks his staff breast-pump room to meditate

Andrew Moore
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Re: El reg - the daily mail of tech

Here, have an upvote so I can see it too...

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Andrew Moore
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Re: THEY aren't hiding in shame.

Someone mentioned "Virtue Signaling"? That's the sign of a "Thingy Namer"...

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Andrew Moore
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Oh dear...

I read the headline as "Uber CEO hijacks his staff breast-pump to meditate" and completely missed the word "room". It gave a completely different spin to the article...

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Hi! I’m Foxy! It looks like you want to run Flash. Do you need help?

Andrew Moore
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Re: $5 Credit?

Better than that is when they guess the value of the package, while ignoring the value on the customs declaration form. When I queried them about it, they told me it was because sometimes people don't put the correct value on the form. I told them that was a matter for Customs and Excise to pursue, not them. Strangely enough the extra charges were dropped once I got a case number back from Customs...

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Man sues date for cinema texting fiasco, demands $17.31

Andrew Moore
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Re: I don't see the problem

If you are American and underage for drinking (which I think is 45 years old these days), then the cinema is usually your only option.

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Vodafone loses €6bn mainly due to Indian biz writeoff

Andrew Moore
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Re: What a shame

It was their shitty customer service that made my company jump ship. Something I enjoyed explaining to the Vodafone sales droid who rang me to ask why we had switched.

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T-Mobile USA sued by parents after their baby dies amid 911 meltdown

Andrew Moore
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No, that person is saying "I lost my kid and I want to make sure that this does not happen to anyone else using the only legal means available to me"

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European Patent Office dragged to human rights court – by its own staff

Andrew Moore
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Re: And the circus continues...

Piggy's had his snout in the trough for too long. There'll be no budging him without outside intervention.

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Waiter? There's a mouse in my motherboard and this server is greasy!

Andrew Moore
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Re: I'm not surprised in the slightest

A friend of mine always ordered a cheeseburger with no cheese...

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