* Posts by Andrew Moore

1546 posts • joined 2 Mar 2007

This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk

Andrew Moore
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Re: 'Microsoft has us all working extra hours'

I'm guessing the thumbs-down are from all those people who expect free technical support from their IT-savvy colleagues/family/friends.

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Andrew Moore
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Re: 'Microsoft has us all working extra hours'

I fell your pain- I'm also using the line "Oh you have Windows 10? I'm sorry but I don't know that operating system- you're better off ringing the Microsoft support line."

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Batteries are so heavy, said user. If I take it out, will this thing work?

Andrew Moore
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Re: Electrons

indeed- this very thing happened to my great grandfather- he returned from WWI to find these new fangled electric sockets in his house. My grandmother caught him that night, stopping up all the sockets.

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Andrew Moore
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It's not unusual...

Sold a Psion Series 5 to a punter, he returns 10 minutes later complaining that it doesn't work. I instantly see that the supplied batteries are still in the box and I asked had he tried putting the batteries in it? His reply was "oh, does this thing need batteries?". To which I pointed out the set of batteries in the case. His reply to that was "oh, I thought they were a free gift or something."

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Stephen Elop and the fall of Nokia revisited

Andrew Moore
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Likewise- it came down to the decision, did I want to spend all my time making money for other people, or did I want to spend some of that time with my family. Family won.

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Wileyfox goes TITSUP*: Smartmobe maker calls in the administrators

Andrew Moore
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Re: A pity

That's what I liked most about the phone- regular OS updates; whereas my previous phones (Samsung and Sony/Ericsson) just went defunct due to old operating system.

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Boffins crack smartphone location tracking – even if you've turned off the GPS

Andrew Moore
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So...

the phone still needs to be transmitting some form of telemetry- how does this system work with the likes of the pressure sensor and the electronic compass switched off?

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MY GOD, IT'S FULL OF CARS: SpaceX parks a Tesla in orbit (just don't mention the barge)

Andrew Moore
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Wrong track...

The obvious choice would have been Don Felder's Takin' A Ride (from the film Heavy Metal) rather than Space Oddity.

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IBM: About those agreed voluntary redundancies ... we were just kidding

Andrew Moore
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Re: How many will now leave anyway.... and miss out on redundancy?

Hanlon's razor states: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." However, given that the bean-counters were probably involved in the decision making, I'd most likely go with "malice".

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A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

Andrew Moore
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In fairness...

"You can't get anyone underneath there – that thing will kill you, blow you apart," he said on camera. "It'll scald you to death and blow the skin and muscle off your bones, OK? You'd be a skeleton and then it would probably blow you back around 50 foot."

Surely that's what everyone was paying $5 a pop to see...

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Uber saddles up for a new cycle of controversy

Andrew Moore
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How about...

Offering inducements to people to recover bikes from inconvenient places- Offer free ride time if someone is prepared to cycle one of the bikes back to a convenient location.

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Just can't catch a break, can ya, Capita? Shares tumble 40% amid yet another profit warning

Andrew Moore
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Hmmmm...

"using robots to automate certain parts of the operation"

I wonder if they could replace Jon Lewis with a robot- think of the massive savings in salary, expenses and perks...

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Causes of software development woes

Andrew Moore
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Re: And that's why...

"No, I don’t work longer. The way I see it is my employer buys from me 40 hours a week, and they may spend those hours however they see fit. "

I think there is a vast difference between being employed as a programmer and being contracted to develop a specific application. In the first instance you are most likely salaried; in the second it's most likely to be a fixed, negotiated price. The problem with the second scenario is when the client decides that they want more than they paid for, and are refusing to renegotiate a price and/or are withholding money owed.

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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Andrew Moore
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Re: Missed opportunity

That's when they find he's off-shored one of his arse cheeks to India...

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1980s sci-fi movies: The thrill of being not quite terrified on mum's floral sofa

Andrew Moore
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Re: CGI is killing sci-fi

"When special effects were difficult and expensive, directors had to fill the time between them with a story..."

I find the same with today's video games- flashy sounds and graphics, and boring, basic gameplay. Back when sounds and graphics were primitive, the developers had to put the effort into the gameplay.

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The healing hands of customer support get an acronym: Do YOU have 'tallah-toe-big'?

Andrew Moore
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Meeeeee tooooooo.....

" It means my innate ability to solve software issues simply by bringing my aura within the proximity of an offending device..."

Happens to me all the time. I think that my arrival causes the user to actually use the computer/software correctly, in case they might expose themselves as being the problem. Of course, said user then proclaims that the computer has resolved the issue by itself.

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Hot chips crashed servers, but were still delicious

Andrew Moore
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I once had a customer complain to my boss because I "made her feel stupid"- by removing the batteries from her device and then reinserting them the right way round, as shown by the little pictures at the back of the battery compartment.

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Andrew Moore
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Re: Power Cables...

Got a callout to a remote site- machine not powering on. User insisted that they had checked the power cables and everything. I drove down (2 hours), walked into the office, and in full view of everyone picked the plug off of the floor and plugged it back in the socket. A quick check with the operator that everything was now working and I left for another 2 hour drive. The bastards even tried disputing my callout charge claiming that all I did was plug the computer back in.

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Peak smartphone? iPhone X flunks 'supercycle' hopes

Andrew Moore
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Hmmmm...

I'm starting to think that "Analyst" means "someone who hasn't got a clue about what they are talking about"

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An object failure: All in all, it's just another... file system component?

Andrew Moore
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It's why he said "mitt"- short for mitten, which doesn't have any fingers unless you count the thumb...

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No 2017 bonus for you, HPE tells employees

Andrew Moore
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Re: What's a bonus?

Or "we need capital to invest in The Future".

The Future obviously being the CEO's bank balance...

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Apple: Sure, we banned VPN iOS apps in China, but, um, er, art!

Andrew Moore
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and they can't really leave the country because that's where all their products are manufactured.

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How about that time Russian military used a video game pic as proof of US aiding ISIS?

Andrew Moore
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One for the conspiracy theorists...

How about American "Intelligence" left this "evidence" on a "secure" server that foreign "Intelligence" could hack?

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Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

Andrew Moore
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But surely...

...transubstantiation would have kicked it by the time the sausage reaches the stomach...

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Uber loses appeal against employment rights for workers

Andrew Moore
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Surely...

"A key element of being a worker is having to turn up for work even if you don’t want to."

I'm pretty sure that Zero Hour Contracts have kinda rendered this point moot.

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KFC turns Japanese bath tubs into party buckets

Andrew Moore
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Re: Difficult to phrase this

a lot less odd than Rick and Morty fans...

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Boss put chocolate cake on aircon controller, to stop people using it

Andrew Moore
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Re: The joy of climate control

Brexit? It's Brexit isn't it?

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No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

Andrew Moore
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Re: Actually

"Do you have a source for this to counteract the Wikipedia claim it originated before then..."

I think the Trumpkins' default response to this kind of debating is "buh-buh-buh-Bengazi..." or "EMAILS!!!!"

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Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

Andrew Moore
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Re: It's always the same, isn't it?

I installed a GPS re-radiator (a device for taking external GPS signals and re-broadcasting them indoors) in our office a couple of weeks ago. A few days after I installed it, one of the salesmen complained that the GPS kit he was working on wasn't able to get a satellite fix- he instantly moved to blaming the re-radiator even though I pointed out to him that the error message he was getting was nothing to do with the GPS signals. So he went and stood outside in the rain for half an hour. Eventually came back in swearing and saying that he still wasn't able to get a fix and it was all the re-radiators fault. I pointed out to him that the error message he was getting indicated that he had not set up the internet connection*. Cue dim light bulb above his head.

* Yes, I could have pointed this out to him before he went and stood in the rain, but he needed to learn a lesson.

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Dropbox thinks outside the … we can't go there, not when a box becomes a 'collection of surfaces'

Andrew Moore
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Hang on...

...where's the accompanying whale-song?

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What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

Andrew Moore
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Re: It's a version of the birthdays question.

23- it's based on the total number of pairs there are in the room.

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Andrew Moore
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Re: A certain bias, there

Given that your liver should be able to clear one unit of alcohol per hour*, the 4 pints should be gone after 8 hours.

*One-ish unit per hour- changes due to metabolism and/or gender.

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Andrew Moore
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Re: 260 working days per year

I'm guessing "America"

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Andrew Moore
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Re: and in the real world

I would also increase the number of tests on a person if they had already previously tested positive.

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NatWest customer services: We're aware of security glitch

Andrew Moore
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Re: PayPal Fail

Ha, had exactly that same problem setting up a new router yesterday. Eventually I realised that the password (passphrase) I was using was longer than it expected. A quick factory reset and a shorter password later...

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Nokia updates classic comeback mobe 3310

Andrew Moore
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Dustproof!!!

Will miracles never cease...

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Dome, sweet dome: UAE mulls Martian city here on Earth ahead of Red Planet colonization

Andrew Moore
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Okay....

...at what point does Pauly Shore join the project?

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Smartphone SatNavs to get centimetre-perfect GNSS receivers in 2018

Andrew Moore
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Re: Never do this

My kit's currently using GPS, GLONASS, Galileo and Beidou all simultaneously (QZSS is also possible but no chance we'll see that in the northern hemisphere).

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Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Andrew Moore
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Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What cheese comes between Roque Three and Roque Five?

Okay, now I'm done...

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Andrew Moore
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I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?

Mascarpone...

What’s the best cheese to coax a bear out of a tree?

Camembert...

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi...

How did the cheese maker paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester...

How do you cross a welsh minefield?

Caerphilly...

And what happens if you don’t cross a welsh minefield Caerphilly?

You get de Brie everywhere...

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Inept bloke who tried to sell military sat secrets to Russia gets 5 years

Andrew Moore
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Re: Gregory Allen *Justice*

May I be the first to say: Justice has been served...

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David Potter rejoins 'New New Psion' as Hon.Chairman

Andrew Moore
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PsiWin's main problem was; it sent a query to see if it was talking to a PDA and the acknowledgement response was to repeat back the query. Which meant that every modem (internal and external) with echo on confused it into thinking it was talking to a PDA. That one caused me no end of fun when I worked on tech support.

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North Korea attacks Bitcoin bods to swell its war chest says FireEye

Andrew Moore
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A simple solution...

just cut NK's access to the internet...

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Paris Hilton inflates cryptocurrency bubble some more, backs Initial Coin Offering

Andrew Moore
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Re: PonziCoin

Spelling

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Linus Torvalds passed a kidney stone and then squeezed out Linux 4.13

Andrew Moore
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Re: Maladie cher maladie

Might explain why he has been a little grumpy recently...

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Andrew Moore
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Yep...

"having finally acknowledged that its data roaming surcharges were unwarranted and trying to spin its admission of guilt into "added value"."

Yep, I love how companies try to spin that something that they are now legally required to do was something that only they thought up and are now offering to their customers out of the goodness of their hearts...

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User thanked IT department for fast new server, but it had never left its box

Andrew Moore
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Re: Praise or accusations of work not done?

Otherwise known as a PICNIC- Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

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Bombastic boss gave insane instructions to sensible sysadmin, with client on speakerphone

Andrew Moore
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Re: The ones that really annoy me

I was in a high level meeting where my boss demanded to know why I had not followed standard protocol and done something completely different instead. I responded by sliding a copy of an email from him, over to him and pointed out, in front of his bosses, where he had instructed me to ignore standard protocol and do what he'd told me to do instead.

In fairness, I was used to him stabbing me in the back to look good, so I'd come prepared.

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Andrew Moore
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I had a similar situation- I told him to fuck off.

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Reality strikes Dixons Carphone's profits after laughing off Brexit threat

Andrew Moore
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Ever so slowly...

...Project Fear becomes Project Fact.

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