* Posts by Jaap Stoel

42 posts • joined 15 Oct 2007

US firm says handheld puke ray is ready to go

Jaap Stoel

Instant diet

Will happen to any innocent bystanders. Har Har Har.

Boffins: Ordinary lightbulbs can be made efficient, cheaply

Jaap Stoel
Thumb Down

And this is good news how?

I know fail when I see it.

Incandescent bulbs turn about 2% of the energy in to actual light. Even with that increase of two thirds they are still far less efficient then the energy saving bulbs.

Now if they could turn it around and make sure that incandescent bulbs become 98% effective, then I'll be impressed. Until then, I will strive towards LED bulbs.

Aussie firewall blocks Wikileaks

Jaap Stoel
Black Helicopters

Some kind of record attempt?

I'm not entirely sure but is the aussie firewall reaching some kind of new record?

From what it was advertised to a tool of political censorship?

Earthworm blamed for laptop crash

Jaap Stoel

That reminds me

The first actual case of a bug was caused by a moth getting squished between the relais of one of the first supercomputers.

Missed flight woman goes absolutely mental

Jaap Stoel

And this is newsworthy?

It must really be a slow day at El reg if they have to resort to these 'news' articles to fill the front page...

Google mistakes entire web for malware

Jaap Stoel

Google could be technically wrong

Since every site that you download means work for your computer it increases wear and tear to visit websites. Arugably this is harmful to your computer.

So more accurately would be this website WILL harm your computer.

Linux to spend eternity in shadow of 'little blue E'

Jaap Stoel

Agreed

The article meshes perfectly with my own experiences. Linux/unix/whatever may be better. But it has the image of something infinitely complex that comes with a command line instead of a GUI and without any of the familiar applications most people are used too.

Yes you can say that its possible to get all those things on a Linux machine. But it takes work and study. When you buy a car you expect a gas pedal, steering wheel etc. You'd also shirk away by something that didn't have those things.

That's what people want.

iPhones will win the war in Afghanistan, says NATO chief

Jaap Stoel
Paris Hilton

Bloodie cloggies

Makes me ashamed to be one...

Paris because De Hoop Scheffer and she are probably related. Or share the same intellect.

Windows 7 public beta end date named

Jaap Stoel

I'd like that

A free upgrade form Vista to 7.

I've given the OS a trial run and it seemed to work pretty well.

Microsoft Songsmith ad trumps Seinfeld shocker

Jaap Stoel

What Laughter?

You mean as soon as the screaming dies down right? Gods that commercial was terrible!

Oz net censorship apparatus to target BitTorrent

Jaap Stoel

Well now

That slope became slippery real real fast

Jaap Stoel

Well well

Now that slope became slippery REAL fast.

Battlestar Galactica prequel shuns space, spaceships

Jaap Stoel
Thumb Down

Well now

They are killing ANOTHER good sci-fi series with crap like that.

The battlestar IS the series. There is a reason why the series is named after the ship all the action takes place on....

I swear TV producers come pre-lobotomized nowadays.

Brand new Star Trek prequel pics and trailer

Jaap Stoel
Coat

So long and thanks for all the fish

So long and thanks for all the fish

So sad that it should come to this

We tried to warn you all but oh dear?

You may not share our intellect

Which might explain your disrespect

For all the natural wonders that

grow around you

So long, so long and thanks

for all the fish

The genre's about to be destroyed

There's no point getting all annoyed

Lie back and let the series dissolve

Despite those nets of tuna fleets

We thought that most of you were sweet

Especially tiny tots and your

pregnant women

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks

for all the fish

(yeah)

So long and thanks for all the fish

So sad that it should come to this

We tried to warn you all but oh dear?

(oh dear)

Despite those nets of tuna fleets

We thought that most of you were sweet

Especially tiny tots and your

pregnant women

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks

for all the fish

Mine's the one with the TOS dvd's in the pocket.

BOFH: The paperless cafeteria

Jaap Stoel

Thank you!

Thank you Simon!

My jaw has been hurting the last week and laughter is the very best medicine! Once again, you where hilarious!

Judge says tech-addled jurors undermine justice

Jaap Stoel

Isn't it a fact that you can't trust lawyers?

Okay a bit of an overstatement perhaps. I'm not from a country that uses a jury system. But I wonder myself: How well can a layman judge any case? Especially technical cases such as the aforementioned fraud. If a lawyer or witness or whatever is going to be throwing a lot of technical terms around and as the jury you're only allowed to listen.

Wouldn't that make a good spin-doctor a better attorney then an actual lawyer? Because a jury system to me, sounds like its more about manipulating these twelve unfortunate souls then about presenting factual evidence.

NASA kids' compo: Name the inflatable moon habitat

Jaap Stoel

Am I unorignial

When the first thing that came to mind was Habbo Hotel?

Dutch court convicts teens for stealing pixels

Jaap Stoel

So when I get ganked?

Can I go to the police and demand to be compensated for the damages done to my 'goods' the armor I need to repair, lost time etc.?

Clay minerals point to vast Martian lakes

Jaap Stoel

Re: Why look for water?

They've done that already, years ago. All of those 'buildings' turned out to be natural rock formation. Like the stone face of mars, they seemed artifical due to a trick of the light and limited perspective.

Mars whacked by object bigger than Pluto

Jaap Stoel
Alien

Hands-free people

See what can happen when you don't use your hands-free set? Have a care!

Ohio table-shag man gets six months

Jaap Stoel

So now furniture has feelings?

What was he convicted for? Vandalism? I mean isn't it a man's own business anymore what he does with his furniture?

CERN declares Large Hadron Collider perfectly safe

Jaap Stoel
Coat

Ia Cthlhu Fhtagn Gordon Freeman!

I'm not sure what will happen.

Thankfully I shall be eaten first.

Mine's the Hazard Suit with the Elder sign painted on.

Whitehats tackle The Great Botnet Dilemma

Jaap Stoel
Flame

I don't see it.

I just can't see how killing Kraken is bad.

You've got an ethical 'dilemma' that says: We can help tens of thousands of people. But we'll be doing it without their permission. And whats worse. Most of these people won't even notice being helped!

The worst thing that can happen is that a small percentage of the users will suffer a crashed computer. Boo-hoo.

I say nail em! Send out that update and kill Kraken.

Seagate ships 1 billionth drive

Jaap Stoel

Congratulations to seagate!

Its always enjoyable to see how quickly the price of storage has dropped.

I recall reading an article that said that if the price of cars had dropped at the same rate as the price of a megabyte. We'd be buying Rolls-Royce for 3 euros.

This DVD will self-destruct in 48 hours

Jaap Stoel
Happy

Well yes but....

In response to: "So does this mean that I can put my DVD player inside a vacuum chamber and as long as I opened the pack inside the chamber it will never go bad?"

Your DVD might not go bad. But you would not fare as well in a vacuum.

*pop*

And now the sci-fi fan inside me is wondering, would a DVD player that plays in a vacuum overheat?

NASA gets intimate with Phobos

Jaap Stoel
Joke

Its that the thing is brown-reddish

If it was gold I'd say its a remote-controlled Death Star made by the scammer aliens!

London store brews £50-a-poop cat-crap coffee

Jaap Stoel
Coat

Its official!

Rich people are disgusting! I for one am SO glad I don't like coffee!

Dutch MP releases anti-Islam movie

Jaap Stoel

Please

I live in the same country. I can drive and find him. And shove that bloody film so far up his colon he can watch it just by blinking rapidly.

Transgender man prepares to give birth

Jaap Stoel
IT Angle

Whats all the hubbub?

Seriously, aside from the pronouns and the religious nutjobs, where's the problem with a woman who transgendered to a man to carry and give birth to a child? I'd call it good foresight that he kept his womb.

Granted if I was a doctor and this pair walked into my office I'd blink a few times and ask a lot of curious questions. But thats because I'm bloody curious.

Where's the IT angle though? :p

Malware removes rival rootkits

Jaap Stoel

Run out of territory

So hackers are now out of computers they can easily infect. Unsecured systems are now almost all incorporated into botnets. So if a hacker wants a (bigger) botnet. He has no choice but to steal it from another hacker.

Now we've got war, soon we will have diplomatic relations.

US man threatens TV repairman with shotgun

Jaap Stoel
Gates Horns

I'd be quick to reach for a gun too

Considering he has to *live* in that horrible place we associate with MS's latest fiasco of an OS.

I think this is Gates' fault.

Healthy? You're a burden on the state

Jaap Stoel
Happy

I am a good socialist

I will stop dieting at once! Bring on the fries and burgers!

On second thought, I think by the time I get Alzheimers I will opt for a suicide pill.

Caffeine doubles miscarriage risk

Jaap Stoel
Paris Hilton

Re: Useless statistics

Its kind of hard to put a percentage on things like that. The chance of a miscarriage is influence by a whole mesh of variables. Just saying it increases the overall chance by X percent is very difficult.

Paris Hilton icon because she probably has to drink a pot of coffee every morning for this exact reason.

Oz drafts 'batter an orphaned roo' guidelines

Jaap Stoel

Bashing their brains in or blowing their brains out.

I'm with Anonymous Coward on this one. Perhaps experts on these matters can enlighten me but wouldn't shooting a joey be a guaranteed immediate death for these critters? That sounds more humane then bashing their skulls to bits.

Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's

Jaap Stoel
Joke

Best of luck

I'd like to with Terry Pratchett the best of luck.

His books often move something in my soul. And I hope there will be many more.

I wish I could think of some profound discworld quote to accompany this message. But Buggrit. I cant think of anything.

But, where's the IT angle?

Korean cyber junkies march off to bootcamp

Jaap Stoel
Alert

Good question

They should instead, force these people to go LARP-ing. Its outdoors, social and fun.

Holy pancake appears on eBay

Jaap Stoel
Happy

Oh dear lord!

I gotta get in on this market.

Already the bidding for this item has exceeded 330 dollars. And that for baking some flapjacks? Or finding a stone with a pattern?

Its gotta be bloody easy to fake all that holy (Less polite word for excrement).

Christmas Doctor Who exhibition at UK Space Centre

Jaap Stoel

Angels don't scream

I know its friday but I believe that they are called "weeping angels" Not screaming angels.

'PlayStation-deprived' teen admits part in plot to pop parents

Jaap Stoel
Joke

"All right, you just shot 'em both. Now what do you do?"

"Sit down and play computer games."

This kid sounds seriously messed up. A contract killer because you're not allowed to play your console?

I'll bet he liked to play Hitman. Well now he can go and play sim-jail.

Fight malware by upgrading to Vista, urges MS

Jaap Stoel

Better then life!

Yes Vista has better security then Linux!

Of course there's a smaller infestation of vista systems. With the majority of users still running XP its not smart for a developer to target vista vulnerablities.

Please go on, make me laugh some more

Alien attack? Yes, we're ready for anything

Jaap Stoel
Unhappy

Oh thats just sad...

If you can't even awnser a childs question properly...

What's the world coming to?

Japanese diggers unearth dino skull

Jaap Stoel

Thankfully

We won't have to go and watch it or pirate it.

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