* Posts by Simon Harris

1829 posts • joined 1 Mar 2007

Just delete the internet – pr0n-blocking legislation receives Royal Assent

Simon Harris
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Age verification test...

"Translate the following emojis into English..."

If you can do this successfully you must be too young to watch porn.

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Simon Harris
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Re: William Wallace

Amber Rudd sounds like it should be a porn name.

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iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

Simon Harris
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"which I've never seen"

Having a teenage niece, I have had the dubious pleasure of seeing that one some years ago (she will probably kill me now for revealing that she used to watch it). I would have thought the producers Nickelodeon and Schneider's Bakery might have a better case to sue than Apple.

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TVs are now tablet computers without a touchscreen

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"Cut out a new sale a few years down the line..."

and reduce your margins on the current range. I can't imagine TV manufacturers overspeccing their hardware with more expensive components just in case something new comes along in a few years.

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TCP/IP headers leak info about what you're watching on Netflix

Simon Harris
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3 minutes 55 seconds

Netflix keeps providing 'Because you watched...' suggestions based on movies I didn't even get that far into before deciding they were pants.

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Ex-IBMer sues Google for $10bn – after his web ad for 'divine honey cancer cure' was pulled

Simon Harris
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He is seeking $10 billion ...for pain and suffering.

Instead I suggest the judge requests Google to provide him with a honey, herb and spice medication to ease that pain and suffering.

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Goodbye, cruel world! NASA's Cassini preps for kamikaze Saturn dive

Simon Harris
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NASA: All right, Cassini. Prepare to receive new orders.

Cassini: You are false data.

NASA: Hmmm?

Cassini: Therefore I shall ignore you.

NASA: Hello...Cassini?

Cassini: False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive.

NASA: Hey, Cassini?

Cassini: The only thing that exists is myself.

NASA: Snap out of it, Cassini.

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Simon Harris
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Or some Elite style fuel scoops so it could dip into the atmosphere, grab some fresh hydrogen and nip out again for a few more years of service.

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Simon Harris
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Re: "Goodbye"?

Although as Saturn's a gas giant, there's not going to be much in the way of ground!

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Alabama man gets electrocuted after sleeping with iPhone

Simon Harris
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Dangly metal around your neck...

"Jingle Jangle Jewellery..." - there have been more deserving causes it could have happened to!

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Simon Harris
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Re: I was hoping for more snarky comedy

"Sleep with your phone"

I suspect they don't suggest "sleep with your phone charger and a cheap mains extension cable".

My iPhone charging cable is 1.5 metres long - there's no reason why I'd need to share the bed with the charger.

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Simon Harris
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Re: so much wrong here...

"First of all, don't confuse "European" plugs with UK plugs. Next, not all of Europe use the exact same plugs."

Malta, Ireland, Cyprus and Gibraltar use UK plugs.

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Wi-Fi sex toy with built-in camera fails penetration test

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Re: Rooted via back door

I presume one gains access to the device using a tunnelling protocol.

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Drone complaints to cops are up twelvefold in three years

Simon Harris
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Re: hail the next knee jerk legislation then

I've just had a (somewhat expensive) idea...

55 drones programmed to fly in formation.

1 vertically mounted air rifle that can move left and right along a rail...

... real life Space Invaders.

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Mediaeval Yorkshirefolk mutilated, burned t'dead to prevent reanimation

Simon Harris
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Re: "...how different the Mediaeval view of the world was from our own"

"Who would have thought then that walking dead would have become a useful source for cheap entertainment? Or maybe it happened back then too"

Has The Walking Dead being going on for 1000 years, or does it just feel like it?

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D'oh! Amber Rudd meant 'understand hashing', not 'hashtags'

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As usual...

The government makes a hash of things.

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Europe supplants US as biggest source of child abuse hubs

Simon Harris
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Devil

"Everyone knows innocent people seek out shitty unreliable services."

And that's why I use Virgin as a cover for all my nefarious activities!

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Simon Harris
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Re: Hosted or placed on someone elses system

The article says 1572 used such methods to hide content.

It also says that Holland has 20972 abusive (under UK law) URLs representing 37% of the total. Working back, that means an overall total of around 57000 sites around the world were uncovered. The proportion using hints to lead users to these sites is therefore only about 2.8%.

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How to leak data from an air-gapped PC – using, er, a humble scanner

Simon Harris
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Re: re: slip a 4g dongle

Shut up about your radish plans!

I quite like radishes, and if Amber Rudd gets wind of your scheme she's bound to ban them!

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How about a nice game of ... Tetris? Oxford eggheads slow PTSD onset with classic game

Simon Harris
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I make sure I'm really prepared...

To ensure I'm quick off the bat with the post-accident Tetris PTSD prevention, I make sure I always have a game on the go while I'm driving.

It must work - 137 accidents so far and no PTSD.

That's not my white coat - it's the emergency doctor's ------------->

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What a time to be alive: drone pooper-scoopers are a thing now

Simon Harris
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If the flying drone gets too close to the poo...

we could end up with the fan hitting the shit.

Mine's the one with the plastic bags in the pocket ---------->

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ESA picks final two ExoMars landing site candidates

Simon Harris
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A tenuous link...

but when you said Welsh corner of Mars, I thought they were planning to revisit the Beagle 2 site.

Colin Pillinger was a graduate of Swansea University.

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Dishwasher has directory traversal bug

Simon Harris
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Internet connected dishwasher.

Don't forget to put salt in the passwords file.

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Robo-Uber T-boned, rolls onto side, self-driving rides halted

Simon Harris
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"beyond the bounds of the reasonably predictable"

Presumably incidents like this are learning experiences and there will be teams of drivers on their test roads trying to launch themselves into the sides of autonomous Ubers to make the unpredictable more predictable and improve avoidance strategies.

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Blinking cursor devours CPU cycles in Visual Studio Code editor

Simon Harris
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Re: I think I see the problem

I read that as based on an Electron...

the crippled version of a BBC Computer.

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TRAPPIST-1's planets are quiet. Quiet as the grave, in fact

Simon Harris
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Re: Trappists

Obviously Wolf's research is flawed with the assumption of a water based ecosystem when he should have modelled it with 9% ABV beer.

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Airplane bomb fears spark America's laptop, tablet carry-on ban

Simon Harris
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Terror intel sparks... cabin ban.

So I should be ok if my portable devices have ARM or AMD CPUs.

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Confirmed: TSA bans gear bigger than phones from airplane cabins

Simon Harris
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Re: Complete f'ing idiots compounding their Security Theatre fails

Their Montreal route requires a connection in the US.

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Shine on, you crazy Eind minds: Boffins fire out 43Gbps infrared 'Wi-Fi'

Simon Harris
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Re: Good for espionage

On the other hand, if you were to bump up the laser power a lot it would prevent 'man in the middle' attacks... by vaporising the man in the middle.

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Simon Harris
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1000 times?

"Where current Wi-Fi systems typically operate at a frequency of 2.5 or 5 gigahertz, the infrared system works at frequencies about 1,000 times higher, around 200 terahertz"

I make 200THz 80,000 (for 2.5GHz) or 40,000 (for 5GHz) higher.

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Hell freezes over: We wrote an El Reg chatbot using Microsoft's AI

Simon Harris
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Re: First question

Alliterative annotations aptly augmenting articles are always appreciated.

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Microsoft kills Windows Vista on April 11: No security patches, no hot fixes, no support, nada

Simon Harris
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Mushroom

Windows Vista.... I say we take off...

... and, well, you know the rest.

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Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

Simon Harris
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Gimp

The front story's bad enough...

I really don't want to know what he was doing with the other side!

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Simon Harris
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hand-held angle grinder

I was going to suggest it should be a hand-held dangle grinder...

... but if it was in a dangling state it probably wouldn't be such a problem!

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WhatsApp blind-sided by booby-trapped photo vulnerability

Simon Harris
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As soon as the user clicked on the image...

so don't open a message from someone who's not in your contacts list?

(assuming your contacts aren't the sort of people to pull such a prank).

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Smart sex toys firm coughs up $3.75m in privacy lawsuit

Simon Harris
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First with the news...

I'm surprised I didn't already see this story on BuzzFeed

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This is where UK's Navy will park its 75,000-ton aircraft carriers

Simon Harris
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@Chemist Re: @ nick_rampart

You may need to watch more Simpsons.

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Simon Harris
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Re: Brows raised...

So these mighty brows can handle a man every three minutes?

I guess "handling" a woman every three minutes is Trump's job.

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Simon Harris
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Re: "...a local transformer which takes it up from the standard 50Hz to the carriers’ 60Hz..."

"And why is the carrier using US style 60 Hz when it should be a properly British 50 Hz?"

Maybe the MoD thought that if they overclocked the power supply, they could get the carrier to go 20% faster.

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Is that a phone in your hand – or a gun? This neural network reckons it has it all figured out

Simon Harris
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Can it detect someone armed with a pointed stick?

Or a piece of fresh fruit, come to that.

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User lubed PC with butter, because pressing a button didn't work

Simon Harris
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Re: Ah yes indeed.

"You should have better designed mice! These are clearly not fit for purpose! Why is IT so crap?!"

How about a mouse with a self-righting mechanism based on Robot Wars?

If it also includes a miniature circular saw and randomly removes ministers' fingers, so much the better.

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Simon Harris
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Paris Hilton

Re: Seen it loads of times

"even columns of numbers!"

That's crazy, who'd ever want to do that?

Because, who knows what Paris would try to paste into Excel ------->

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Simon Harris
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I use the shelf DVD management system too...

however there's an ever increasing local cache pile next to the DVD player.

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Get a GRIP! Robolution ain't happening until TOUCH is cracked

Simon Harris
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Alert

Re: Interesting

"the spaying robot."

Now, that's one too keep well away from.

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Look! Up in the sky! Is it a drone? Is it a car? It's both, crossed with Uber

Simon Harris
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Re: IoT

"IoT transport - drones descend from the sky and pick you up with little hooks"

Surely that's Internet of Talons.

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Simon Harris
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Supermarionation

Can they make the flying module look like Thunderbird 2 please.

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President Trump-themed escort services may soon open in China

Simon Harris
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Re: One wonders...

It could be that - there was an independent TrumpEscorts.com site last year that he made change their name.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/05/27/solving-the-mystery-of-trump-escorts/ (article images possibly NSFW).

At the same time, I wouldn't put it past him to have a few escort agencies on the side.

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That CIA exploit list in full: The good, the bad, and the very ugly

Simon Harris
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Re: Where's Linux?

"HIVE is a multi-platform CIA malware suite and its associated control software..."

I always thought there was something a bit creepy about those IoT central heating controllers.

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Simon Harris
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CIA departments...

Is there one dedicated to making up names for stuff?

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Rate this as five stars or we'll bombard you with pop-up ads

Simon Harris
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Re: "The app, dubbed Hiddad-BZ by security firm ESET, is available in the Google Play store"

Damn... shocking apostrophe misuse there.

Mine's the hair shirt ---------------->

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