* Posts by Simon Harris

2161 posts • joined 1 Mar 2007

Who wanted a future in which AI can copy your voice and say things you never uttered? Who?!

Simon Harris
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Terminator

Re: Ring ring...

Icon alt-text says it all -------------->

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Simon Harris
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Re: DTA world?

Don't trust anything?

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Simon Harris
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Re: Commenters can only think of bad uses for new tech

"Consider how nice it would be if, when you're learning a language, you heard your own voice, as you hear yourself, speaking with a native accent in the new language."

I suspect what you'd hear is some horrible version of (for example) franglaise.

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Simon Harris
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"The use-case mentioned about having an audiobook read with the same voice as a child's mother deserves to be filed under 'C' for 'Creepy'!"

How about a robot-sex-doll with the same voice as your wife? File under 'S' for 'Stepford Wives' (original version, of course).

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KFC: Enemy of waistlines, AI, arteries and logistics software

Simon Harris
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Re: DHL?

Could have been worse... Yodel.

"We tried to deliver your chicken, but you were out. So we tossed it over your neighbour's fence, and the foxes ate it."

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Crunch time: Maplin in talks to sell the business

Simon Harris
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Re: Edinburgh Woollen Mill?

I could do with a bit of tartan RF screening mesh.

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Sorry, Elon, your Tesla roadster won't orbit for billions of years

Simon Harris
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re: set the controls for the heart of the sun

I'd have hit the Interstellar Overdrive button and let it keep on going.

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You're decorating it wrong: Apple HomePod gives wood ring of death

Simon Harris
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: my coffe mug leaves a ring on polished surfaces

Coffee mugs are hot when filled with fresh coffee - maybe hot enough to melt the surface of the polish.

Coffee mugs are known for containing a brown liquid which is not unknown to slosh over the rim leaving a dirty deposit around the base of the mug.

Neither of these are characteristics one would expect of a glorified loud speaker.

Oops - there goes my coffee again--->

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Simon Harris
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Re: I'm absolutely shocked

The Apple TV appears to be deficient in the I department too - I can imagine a certain broadcasting company getting annoyed if they had called it the iTV.

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Simon Harris
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Apple home furnishings range.

The solution would be for Apple to produce its own home furnishings range to be compatible with its devices.

In common with other Apple products that have an 'i' prefix, maybe they could use a name such as iKea for the range.

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Rogue IT admin goes off the rails, shuts down Canadian train switches

Simon Harris
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Keeping his accounts active while he's being fired - that might be considered a single slip.

But letting them stay active afterwards for at least 2 days - that has to be a double slip.

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Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

Simon Harris
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Re: Dial a Disc

I didn't have the animal stories, but I did have a set of Johnny Morris reading Thomas the Tank Engine on vinyl in the early 70s.

I just checked - Amazon has them as MP3s now.

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Simon Harris
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Pint

C90

My dad picked up one of my TKD AD90s once and asked in all seriousness...

"AD90 - is that another band like UB40?"

The beer I'll be buying my dad for that recollection --------->

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NASA's zombie IMAGE satellite is powered up and working quite nicely

Simon Harris
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Re: Will they never learn?

"Unfortunately they stored it all in the Cloud."

The Oort Cloud...

"We put the records up there, but it may be a couple of hundred years before they dip back into the inner solar system - can you hang on a while?"

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Simon Harris
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Re: Funding?

"(quite a few in or about Mars)."

I suspect the deep space network doesn't have to spend too much time communicating with the satellites that are *in* Mars.

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Bluetooth 'Panty Buster' 'smart' sex toy fails penetration test

Simon Harris
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Re: Now that you're publishing obscene articles...

"James May of Top Gear"

He should start a TV series that reviews such devices as these and call it "Bottom Gear"

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Simon Harris
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Joke

VaaS - vibration as a service.

One feature of the researcher's work was his comparison of internet connected dildos for ladies and various prostate tickling devices for men. He found the men's devices to be much more secure- in fact there was a vas deferens between the two groups.

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Simon Harris
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Re: Thesis

I've spent a few years of my life sticking things up mens' willies (robotic prostate surgery projects).

At one point I was interviewed for a Danish newspaper - when I saw the proofs the only three words I recognised were my name, 'robot' and 'penis'.

Even got a spot on Tomorrow's World with that project

https://youtu.be/zCZjktHxgw4

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Simon Harris
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Re: Thesis

"A comparative study of pudendal stimulation devices with the aim of establishing secure control and telemetry links"

Nothing awkward about that... at least until you have to explain it in detail.

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Simon Harris
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Joke

The Vibratissimo Panty Buster... and the server backend

Presumably the latter is for the butt plug version.

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A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

Simon Harris
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Re: Helium balloon anyone?

I doubt that a buffoon in a helium balloon at 1800 feet would get as many pay-per-view TV hits as a buffoon in his home-made rocket.

Jumping out of a helium balloon at 120000 feet might be a different matter!

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Simon Harris
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Flat-earther to flat-liner in 60 seconds.

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Simon Harris
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Relief indeed.

However, the story does obviously contain a buffoon.

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Lloyds Bank bans Bitcoin purchases by credit card customers

Simon Harris
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WTF?

Re: "banks telling their customers what they can and cannot buy?

"Investments may go down as well as up..."

They might want to consider blocking credit card purchases of investments based on the Dow Jones right now!

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Simon Harris
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Re: Accessorize...

I would expect if the credit card companies become aware of significant illegal online purchases then the businesses involved would be placed on the 'Terminated Merchant Account' credit card blacklist.

https://www.merchantadviceservice.co.uk/high-risk-merchant-accounts/terminated-merchant-facilities-what-to-know/

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Exoplanets from another galaxy spotted – take that, Kepler fatigue!

Simon Harris
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Re: "Unbound planet"

Unbound Moon sized planets...

I wonder if they were still bound until the nuclear waste stored on the far side exploded.

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NASA finds satellite, realises it has lost the software and kit that talk to it

Simon Harris
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Mushroom

Re: Just watched...

"couple of Grid laptops, though not the ones that actually flew on the Shuttle."

They might have been the ones that flew on the Sulaco.

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit..." ------>

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Simon Harris
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Re: No Archived Sourcecode Available.

First ISEE-3 was reawoken, now this one.

Maybe NASA should stand for Need Another Satellite Archaeologist.

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When you play this song backwards, you can hear Satan. Play it forwards, and it hijacks Siri, Alexa

Simon Harris
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Mushroom

I thought any Justin Bieber song already caused the listener to self-destruct.

El Reg - can we have a 'Scanners' icon please ---------->

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Thar she blows: Strava heat map shows folk on shipwreck packed with 1,500 tonnes of bombs

Simon Harris
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Re: explosive ordnance disposal personnel

"of much more concern is the revelation that people have been poking around the wreck"

I suspect that if it is 'of concern', then the people involved are not trained ordnance disposal personnel.

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Simon Harris
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Re: Surely.....

'Better Off With Map And Nokia'.

At least back then you could go more than 1/2 a day before the battery ran out!

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Sysadmin crashed computer recording data from active space probe

Simon Harris
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"small inverted triangles as individual place holders... It would seem likely that someone somewhere would be unable to find that symbol on their keyboard."

Unless you're unlucky enough to find someone with an APL keyboard.

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Simon Harris
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Re: Houston, we have a problem.

Hal and Dave... are you sure it's not Eddie and Zaphod?

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Virgin Media skulks in disused public toilets

Simon Harris
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"There is a high demand in your area, Flush is not available right now"

Are Virgin Media going for the Cape Town supply contract?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/24/cape-town-to-run-out-of-water-by-12-april-amid-worst-drought-in-a-century

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Simon Harris
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Thank you for using Virgin Media...

Now wash your hands.

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Here we go again... UK Prime Minister urges nerds to come up with magic crypto backdoors

Simon Harris
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Short memory

Has she forgotten the TSA lock debacle already?

The locks with a 'backdoor' skeleton key so the authorities can examine your luggage, but thieves can't get into it. Except someone published pictures of the skeleton keys and now anyone can make copies, rendering them useless.

How does she think backdoor decryption keys will be different?

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Camels disqualified from Saudi beauty contest for Botox-enhanced pouts

Simon Harris
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Re: Saudi beauty pageant - Crufts.

Competitions between dogs actually doing something clever, I can appreciate - after all there's some skill gone into the training.

Competitions between dogs just looking nice - that's probably something that other dogs should judge - ok, so it would probably just come down to a 'whose bottom smells nicest' competition.

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PACK YOUR BAGS! Two Trappist-1 planets have watery oceans, most likely to be inhabitable

Simon Harris
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Alien

"And if so, how did they get the monks there?"

If only they'd used Vincent Ward's original script for Alien 3 we might have found out.

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Aut-doh!-pilot: Driver jams 65mph Tesla Model S under fire truck, walks away from crash

Simon Harris
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Re: Don't call it Autopilot, for a start @Chrissy

I suppose it depends when the accident happened and whether the car-share status of the lane was time limited to peak-hours.

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'There was no monetary incentive for this' = not what you want to hear about your tattoo

Simon Harris
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Facepalm

Re: what about

When you discover that in the time between

last refreshing and pressing Submit everyone

else has made the same comment ---------------------------->

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Simon Harris
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IT Angle

Re: what about

"The Mersenne prime?" - assuming that was his intention.

Or he might have future-proofed his ink better if instead of having 2147483647 tattooed on his arm, he'd had MAXINT (or the appropriate symbolic representation in his favorite language) tattooed instead.

When 64-bit ints become ubiquitous, I don't fancy his tattooist having to rub that out and replace it with 9223372036854775807.

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Job ad for designer proves its point with MS Paint shocker

Simon Harris
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Headmaster

Re: Meh...

I can implement bressigham lines and circles from memory in pretty much any language.

Anyone with that boast should also be able to spell Bresenham from memory.

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What do voters want? An IRL Maybot? Sure, give that a whirl

Simon Harris
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The Thick Of It

The idea is mooted in an apparently straight-faced blogpost on Conservative Home by Leon Emirali, a "media entrepreneur"

On reading that my mind immediately jumped to PR guru Stewart Pearson.

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Amount of pixels needed to make VR less crap may set your PC on fire

Simon Harris
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Re: Glasses anyone?

"I've never had any motion sickness from the Oculus while in the driving sim"

We got an Oculus at work and one day I spent way too much time playing with one of the flying demos - no motion sickness in the sim itself, but I felt pretty nauseous all the way home on the bus.

Normally I never get motion sick on real-world transport.

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Simon Harris
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Re: "Michael Abrash, chief scientist at Oculus,"

It does appear he is the very same Michael Abrash.

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Drone crashes after operator failed to spot extra building site crane

Simon Harris
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"Since cranes are generally 'up in the air' should they have some kind of licence from the CAA?"

Maybe if bits are likely to fall off them then the time it takes before they hit the ground could be described as 'flying'.

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Butt plugs, mock cocks, late pay and paranoia: The world of Waymo star Anthony Levandowski… by his kids' nanny

Simon Harris
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Joke

The nanny thought she found some leather bondage pants...

But they were The Wong Trousers.

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Next; tech; meltdown..? Mandatory; semicolons; in; JavaScript; mulled;

Simon Harris
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Optional syntax characters.

I'm using this as a precedent to considering decimal points optional next time I make an expenses claim.

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Simon Harris
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"a proposed language for minicomputers which used normal, italic, bold as part of the language syntax"

How about this one then...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitespace_(programming_language) ?

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