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* Posts by Anonymous John

2374 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Oct 2007

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Skipton in lost laptop security woes

Anonymous John

Um

According to the Yorkshire Post

"Moore Stephens Consulting was carrying out work on an IT system for the Yorkshire-based investment company when the theft took place"

So why did he need customer data on his laptop?

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Israeli eggheads in pinhead bible publishing breakthrough

Anonymous John
Joke

It's a mis-transation

"it'is easier for a rich man to enter a camel than it is for him to pass heaven through the eye of a needle"

"it's easier for a rich man to enter a camel if he stands on a box."

"it'is easier for a rich man to enter a camel than it is for a poor man to poke himself in the eye with a needle”.

Or something like that.

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HMRC mislays 1.5kg of Bolivian marching powder

Anonymous John

I was stuck for a suitable rhyme last night.

Deck the halls with lines of cocaine

Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Where it came from is uncertain

Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

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Anonymous John
Happy

Deck the halls with lines of cocaine

Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

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Anonymous John
Joke

Re It surely cannot take ..

Concaine? That's Chilli Concaine, is it?

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Fire stations too much like fire stations, says Govt

Anonymous John
Coat

What next?

Green prisons to open up to local communities?

Jacket please warder. The one with the Broad Arrow all over it.

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Man uses networked 'crazy' toaster to hack PC

Anonymous John
Joke

Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters,

but would buy them anyway since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

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Darling plays wait and see on HMRC disc loss

Anonymous John

"rather than jump to conclusions"

Like Darling did when he tried to blame one rogue junior civil servant?

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Asus Eee PC as 'hard to get your hands on as a Wii'

Anonymous John
Coat

I'd like to post a comment about the blonde on the beach.

But I can't think of one. So I won't.

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Space brains resign over efforts to attract ET attention

Anonymous John
Joke

Send out some 419 emails.

And wait for the money to roll in.

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Anonymous John

Well, I think we're safe.

Our TV transmissions have now reached any civilisations within 50 light years or so. I can see any hostile ones watching Star Trek, and deciding not to f**K with the Federation of Planets.

Look at how two of their starships disgused as comets have reacted lately.

I'll get my cloaking device.

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NASA's Deep Impact mislays comet

Anonymous John

We lose CDs and confidental data

NASA loses whole comets.

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Parliament's security staff lose parliament security data

Anonymous John
Unhappy

"The Mother of Parliaments"

Grr!

"England is the Mother of Parliaments" John Bright 1865.

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Cambs cops podcast 999 timewasters

Anonymous John
Unhappy

Re Free advertising via 999

Well, 118 118 seems to be the only one advertsising on TV nowadays. I wouldn't use them as the adverts piss me off, but it is the most well known number.

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Anonymous John
Coat

Avvvon and Someset plod have some as well

www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/units_and_departments/communications/999_calls/

And they do things differently in America.

http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/2007/05/dispatchers-dont-get-paid-enough.html

Where's my coat? I'd better ring 999.

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Americans can swear at toilets, judge rules

Anonymous John
IT Angle

and I yelled back, 'Mind your own business'."

Bog off might have been more appropriate.

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German air passenger quaffs litre of vodka

Anonymous John
Paris Hilton

What's the Paris Hilton connection?

He wasn't driving a car.

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NeoScale web man posts Better Off Dead invoice

Anonymous John

Dear Sir

I am Barrister Tunde Owolabi, Manager of Bills/Exchange at the Foreign

Operations Department of Ecobank Nigeria Plc.

In my department, we discovered an abandoned sum of Four Thousand Four Hundred United States Dollar (US$4.400.00) in a domiciliary account that belonged to one of our foreign customers, the NeoScale webmaster who died in a plane crash on March 9, 2000.

Etc, etc

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Smut vid outfit sues PornoTube

Anonymous John

Sorry.

That should of course read.

"All your porn are belong to us".

Doesn't make sense otherwise..

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Anonymous John

All your porn

is belong to us.

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Asus: memory upgrades will not void Eee PC warranty

Anonymous John
Happy

That's great!

I've missed her.

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Fark attempts to trademark NSFW

Anonymous John

I hope the court

tells then to fark off.

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Police launch hunt for bogus bobbies

Anonymous John

"The Met said the gang bagged motherboards"

What? They dismantled equipment for the motherboards? They aren't something that fail so often that a data centre would need to keep many if any spares on site.

There were thefts of memory from computers years ago, but not now. It simply isn't worth it.

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Top-secret US labs penetrated by phishers

Anonymous John
Unhappy

"might be cause for celebration".

Really? 1% of their employees being morons, is good news? I hadn't realised that one in a hundred internet users generally still fall for phishing emails.

Doesn't Oak Ridge use spam filters?

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Eee PC: better with Windows?

Anonymous John

Re But... why?

It's just a pretext to not show us the blonde on the beach again.

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419ers flash big bucks cashcard

Anonymous John
Joke

Re She may be smart but...

"like the sound of sudo-porn though. Is it a washing powder?"

No. It's an 18+ version of Sudoku..

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Anonymous John
Unhappy

Hmm.

The last time I saw this version, it offered $11,000,000 but warned that ATM machines only allowed $1000 to be withdrawn daily.

Which would take over 30 years. To say nothing of the interest on the account.

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Wigan man traps todger in metal ring

Anonymous John
Coat

Re Is it my imagination...

No IT angle, but it did involve a mini angle-grinder.

Near enough for a Friday, surely...

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Judge brands Kirsty Wark's husband a snoop

Anonymous John

Kirsty Wark is a woman?

I thought it was a pedestrian thoroughfare somewhere in Scotland.

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Stripogram copper walks on offensive weapon rap

Anonymous John
Coat

I'll get my coat

Police uniform

Batons

Spray canister

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Man opens Eee PC, adds internal USB ports

Anonymous John

Re Wot? No picture?

www.reghardware.co.uk/2007/11/16/review_asus_eee_pc/page4.html

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Canadian loses $20K in phony eBay sale

Anonymous John

Even if the seller's legit,

why would anyone buy a car without seeing it, kicking the tyres, and taking a test drive?

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DHS building handheld lobster spy-beam scanners

Anonymous John

It's a Tricorder

Yet another Star Trek invention.

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New Ebola strain kills 16 Ugandans

Anonymous John

"There's not much bleeding - most died of fever."

Either way, you're still dead.

Welcome your new viral overlord.

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Electrical supe charged with damaging California canal system

Anonymous John
Unhappy

"Supe"

Can we have this word banned too. It's just as bad as "mobe".

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Paris and Britney top US kids' Santa naughty list

Anonymous John

Why isn't

Amy Whinehouse on the list?

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Tesco in X-rated Lawnmower Simulator shocker

Anonymous John

'English (Scouse)'.

Stolen lawnmower then.

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Nigerian keyboard firm sues One Laptop per Child

Anonymous John

I wonder how long before -

Dear Friend,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition. I am using this opportunity to ask for your help in suing One Laptop per Child, a non-profit educational organization.

In return I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of 11,000,00 USD.

etc etc

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Celebrity spam gang whips up a storm

Anonymous John

"Marshal recommends PC users do not open executable files"

Perhaps stronger measures than recommendations are needed.

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

"Do not open executable files." Slap!

"Ow!"

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UK's toads menaced by fungal attack

Anonymous John

Toads

Bow before your new fungoid overlord.

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Only bicarbonate of soda can save mankind!

Anonymous John

338,000 tons of CO2 a year

That's almost 82 MegaJub.

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UK firm 'recalls' 575 knee implants

Anonymous John
IT Angle

Kneel before your new overlords!

I can't. My knee has rusted solid.

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Child protection site to show Scottish sex offenders

Anonymous John
Joke

Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper

to put the details on CDs and send them somwhere via TNT?

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TV heavyweights build on-demand supersite

Anonymous John
Happy

Re arf

There are a number of old sitcoms I'd like to see again. Such as -

Chance In A Million

It Takes a Worried Man

The Brothers McGregor

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Anonymous John
Unhappy

I recently discovered

that the ITV website has a page that streams all its four channels. The quality isn't to bad, and better than nothing (I don't have digital TV yet).

The downside is reliability. For a few days, trying to view ITV 4 got the message that it starts at 6.30pm. Which is true,but the message appeared long after this time. The other channels are not always available. You get a message suggesting you try another channel. Personally, I want to watch a particular programme. Not just any old programme.

If Internet TV is to have a future, it has to be as dependable as broadcast TV.

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IBM to shove ads onto DVDs

Anonymous John
Coat

I'll get my coat.

Er, why is it covered with adverts?

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Civil service apologises for HMRC data loss

Anonymous John

Re: Where's mine?

I haven't had one either.

No kids though.

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Second jellyfish pack moves on UK

Anonymous John

"juvenile mauve stinger jellyfish "

Juveniles?

Can't they be given ASBOs or something?

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Click here for the UK's worst-paid IT job

Anonymous John

Don't forget the perks

Being able to copy all the data to CDs, and sell it to fraudsters.

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Running queries on the HMRC database fiasco

Anonymous John

Re In the hands of criminals

"Yet they admit it has gone to KPMG."

The NAO admitted that later. No reason at all for HMRC to know what the NAO did with the disks.

Whatever it takes to gets to get to the top of the Civil Service, it isn't an understanding of data security.

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