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* Posts by Anonymous John

2374 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Oct 2007

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Amazon shrinks books with Kindle Singles

Anonymous John

Clackety-clack. Whoo!

Whodunnit, Poirot?

They all did.

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Rogue engineer supplied dodgy power to 1,500 homes

Anonymous John

under the Proceeds of Crime Act

What proceeds?

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Cambridge chap's todger topiary gets the chop

Anonymous John

Pruned title.

Will nobody think of the seedlings?

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Google robo cars drive selves on public streets

Anonymous John
Unhappy

"Total Recall" is coming true.

Where am I?

You're in a Googlecab.

I mean, what am I doing here?

: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?

: How did I get in this taxi?

: The door opened. You got in.

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Aggrieved boffins to march on Whitehall

Anonymous John

What do we want? Money!

When do we want it? Now!

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Spanish entertainment industry feels wrath of Anonymous

Anonymous John
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Re officially launched at midnight

"What body makes it official?"

The organisers. It was meant to start at midnight, but enough people jumped the gun to crash the site earlier.

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Have hordes of sex workers snubbed the Commonwealth games?

Anonymous John
Happy

40,000 sex workers?

That's about 100 for every spectator at Delhi.

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PARIS unveils impressive box

Anonymous John

Come on, admit it!

You wrote the headline months ago and designed the plane round it, didn't you?

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McCanns join CEOP quango row

Anonymous John

What exactly has CEOP done lately?

Apart from making a tremendous fuss about panic buttons on Facebook? Totally ignoring the fact that panic buttons are useless if a victim doesn't panic.

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Youth jailed for not handing over encryption password

Anonymous John
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Unhappy

What happens when he's released?

Can the ask him again, treat it as a separate offence and charge him with it? It could go on indefinitely.

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Spuds for laptop fraudsters strike in Huntingdon

Anonymous John
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"Page not found" message?

404 +15 + 419.

The post is required, and must contain letters.

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Anonymous John
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There's a title in this rucksack,, honestly.

I'm baffled. It isn't likely that they went out with the intention of buying a laptop, and it's hardly an impulse buy. The only reason I can see is that they thought it was a bargain price for a second-hand lappy with no warranty. Wouldn't anyone with a need for computer to have some idea of prices?

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Anonymous John
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Unhappy

Youd have been correct.

I did phone them five years ago over two men in a van with plasma TVs for sale. Even gave the the registration number. Very little interest and they did nothing.

If a few bricks in a cardboard box isn't "going equipped to cheat", what is?

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Driver follows satnav to his doom

Anonymous John
FAIL

Some people can do stupid without a Sat Nav.

"Car driven onto Esher railway station platform".

http://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/s/2079573_car_driven_onto_esher_railway_station_platform

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Las Vegas death ray roasts hotel guests

Anonymous John

You expect me to get sun-tanned?

No Mr Bond. I expect you to die.

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Trucker pulled with DVD and laptop on dashboard

Anonymous John

Re "once the problem was rectified".

What's to stop him unrectifying it further down the road? I doubt that the gear was, or could be confiscated.

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HABITABLE ALIEN WORLD discovered 20 light-years away!

Anonymous John
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Don't forget Galaxy Quest.

They'll be watching it nine years from now. And they will be pretty mad when they realise that the historical documents they've been shitting themselves over for years, aren't real.

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Next fashions budget 10in Android tablet

Anonymous John
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Unhappy

No I don't.

Not after reading Geoff Campbell's comment.

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Anonymous John

Want one!

Nothing more to say really.

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Nigerian perv scanners lay Lagos ladies bare

Anonymous John
Unhappy

Title

When they aren't scamming you, they're scanning you.

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Anti-piracy lawyers' email database leaked after hack

Anonymous John

What happens now?

Will they try and track down the people who file-shared the leaked documents, threaten them, then lose their details too?

Where's the ever-decreasing circles icon?

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Baby Boomers committing suicide at unprecedented rates

Anonymous John
Unhappy

Title

Perhaps they've (we're) just tired of being called baby boomers.

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Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

Anonymous John

Spooky.

A 10 year old memory has just surfaced. I was driving up the A22 approaching J6 of the M25 when what appeared to be the full contents of a C-90 cassette hit my windscreen out of nowhere. I had to stop and unwind it from the car aerial and wing mirrors.

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Anonymous John
Happy

Thank you.

I was wondering what the basis of this story was.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/anfield-built-on-indian-burial-ground-201009273120/

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UN appoints alien liaison boffin

Anonymous John

No problem.

Torchwood will ensure they never bother us again.

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419ers take council for £100k

Anonymous John
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I was wondering the same thing.

http://www.hamiltonadvertiser.co.uk/news/local-news/hamilton-news/2010/09/23/council-scammed-out-of-102k-by-west-african-gang-51525-27322764/ is even more definite. It wasn't even Nigerian scammers in the UK.

“We are not sure who did this but it has been carried out and professionally done by a gang in an African country."

I don't believe it. Nigeria doesn't have a monopoly on scamming.

And other councils have fallen for the same scam too. Possibly the impersonated supplier deals with several local authorities..

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Anonymous John
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No surprise there.

Supplier: "Oi! Where's my £102,000?"

Council: "We've paid you."

Supplier: "No you haven't!"

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Vacuum-wielding thieves siphon €500,000 from store safes

Anonymous John
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And

Sainsbuggers.

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Anonymous John
Happy

You do the take and vac

and bring the money back,.

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US college girls: Fatter roomie helps control 1st-year plumpening

Anonymous John
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Unhappy

Sarah!!

It's another commentard complaining about the lack of an IT connection.

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Steve Jobs in iPhone bitchslap to creationists, Tea Party

Anonymous John
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Title

Every time you say you don't believe in Sarah, a bee dies.

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Interpol chief impersonated on Facebook

Anonymous John

Boggle.

Who is going to believe that the head honcho at Interpol is using Facebook for official business?

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Florida cops left stoned stunned by pot-filled SUV

Anonymous John
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Unhappy

Re lots of luck

"5' 6" hispanic 30s with tattoos on upper arms"

Probably 30% of the female population, too.

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Lily Allen sues Apple over hacked Macbook

Anonymous John

Don't understand this at all.

She became a neo-luddite last year.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/10003274

' "I've stopped everything, I haven't got a computer and I haven't got a blackberry. I don't do emails or anything now," she added.'

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Twitter airport bomb joker loses second job

Anonymous John
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Re: Re: not to worry

Send it up with the Vulture 1-X?

Orbital Grenade Launch Experiment.

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Anonymous John

Letters and punctuation, no digits.

He got or held the job (until now) despite the conviction. And he may well be acquitted on appeal. It seems a strange reason to sack him at the time.

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O2 shocks customers by slashing iPad data allowance

Anonymous John
Unhappy

"we aligned all tariffs"

Aligned down, not up.

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NASA reveals Moon's 'turbulent youth'

Anonymous John
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Unhappy

I knew I should have used the "Joke Alert" icon.

It was a parody of this.

http://www.snopes.com/science/astronomy/brightmars.asp

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Anonymous John
Happy

Saturday is the first annual International Observe the Moon Night.

http://observethemoonnight.org/

I've just received an email saying that the Moon will be closer to Earth than it has been for 60,000 years, so it will look bigger than Mars.

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Girl, 3, buys iPad apps, using mum's credit card

Anonymous John

That's nothing.

A three year old bought a car for £9000 four years ago.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/5379930.stm

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Steve Jobs carried 'ninja throwing stars' in hand luggage

Anonymous John
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Nothing to do with Apple trolls.

If this story had featured Bill gates, the story and comments would have been exactly the same.

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Anonymous John

Revenge?

Expect the Apple iStar to be on sale by Christmas.

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Robot footballers 'will beat Human Race first eleven by 2050'

Anonymous John

Yes but

Will they be able to fake <strike>injury</strike>damage, apply for super-injunctions, and sleep with prozzies?

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US government recruits Paris Hilton

Anonymous John
Unhappy

I thought I was reading the Daily Mash at first.

I only realised my mistake because of the absence of Professor Henry Brubaker and Helen Archer.

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Email worm wants to party like it's 1999 (almost)

Anonymous John
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Not the same thing at all.

You don't have a choice if you meet a mugger. Email viruses or 419 scams need the victim to cooperate.

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Bacon thief leaves rasher on door knob

Anonymous John
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Joke

Sorted!

A man goes to the Doctor and says that he has a serious sexual problem.

When asked to give details, the man says that for a very long time he has

been wanting to put his knob in the bacon slicer. The doctor is

astounded, and gives the man some pills and instructs him to take one

every day and to then come back and see him in a week. A week later the

man returns and the Doctor asks him how things went, to which the man

replies that he couldn't resist the urge and finally just had to put his

knob in the bacon slicer. A little worried, the Doctor asks to take a look

at the man's knob, but on inspection he can find nothing wrong with it.

"There's nothing wrong with you, what about the bacon slicer?" asks the

Doctor, to which the man replies "I don't know, he ran away!"

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Three picks up the Tab

Anonymous John

"£10 and £15 monthly voice contracts"

Why, when everyone already has a mobile? And the data options don't look generous, when Three does 15GB for £15pm.

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Think tank rages at NHS' £700 bill for fertility clinic porn

Anonymous John
Unhappy

The NHS can't win, can it?

Spend $7.5K for a special room in Liverpool and the Taxpayers Alliance whines.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/07/26/n$hs_trust/

Spend less than a tenth of the amount for the rest of the UK, and someone else whines.

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Two-lane BRIDGE FOUND ON FAR SIDE OF THE MOON!

Anonymous John
Welcome

Where

are the toll booths?

I for one welcome our new alien civil engineers.

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Flaming work laptop toasts cottage

Anonymous John
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Flame

Re Um

It doesn't give details of the earlier problems.. There's nothing odd about a four year old laptop being unable to hold a charge.

My money would be on clogged fans. Something I would have thought would have been checked by anyone fixing an overheating laptop.

Flames for obvious reasons.

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