* Posts by TeeCee

8355 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Gentlemen, start your engines – with your phone!

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Gosh, that's clever.....

.....oh, no it isn't.

I remember a colleague telling me about the car he had in the USA which allowed him to "blip" it through the office window 500yds away to start the engine, so it was all toasty warm when he went out to it.

That was all of a decade ago.

As for the other functions, I can't quite see how knowing how much fuel is in it before you get to it (and can actually do something about it) is of any use at all, unless you're the sort of complete dickhead who neglects to look at the fuel gauge when setting off somewhere. Then again you'd need a very special sort of dickhead, who would remember to fire up and look at their iPhone app's fuel gauge while also forgetting to look at the car's own one, to make it worthwhile.

As for the remaining oil life, that puzzled me for a bit. Then I remembered that one of the notable things that seperates Yank automotive forums from those elsewhere is this strange obsession with oil. They agonise about grades, additives, lifespan-for-this-type-of-usage and such endlessly, while the rest of us top it up once in a while and change it when the service interval comes around, using whatever is specified in the handbook.

One thing that would appear to be missing is the ability to specify which brand of tyre you have on and then have it come up with a recommended tyre rotation strategy according to some voodoo calculation (another weird automotive obsession unique to the Septics).

Apple to buy Sony? Good one!

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Joke

Re: Differences

Internalising its manufacturing?

Apple to make offer for China in leveraged buyout. You heard it here first!

Frenchman cuffed for naughty lip-slip email to MEP

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Coat

650 similar charges?

Is that because you reckon that around half of the mob in the Palace of Westminster are actually OK, or did you just forget about the Lords?

Google's 'copied Java code' disowned by Apache

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FAIL

"....accused Ellison and company of attacking the open source community."

Hmm, it would appear that Google don't even know what "open source" means then.

Just 'cos you can read the code, doesn't necessarily mean you get to copy it or reuse it. That would depend on the license associated with it.

Saying: "you opened the code, it's everyone's to do with as they like now", *that's* an attack on the open source community.........

Israel to join list of 'adequate' data protection nations

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Reality?

Au contraire. I just read that little lot to mean that you don't need to be a bleedin' genius in the intelligence community to keep a pack of kneejerk, theocratic idiots dancing to your tune and at each other's throats.

I'm sure that there is an "understanding" there, I just think it's not mutual and revolves more around Mossad knowing which strings to pull and when to pull 'em.

Ballmer pitches PC as smartest device on planet

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Grenade

Re: Math(s)

I'm guessing mostly Windows XP to the corporate market.

Then a load of Linux for SOHO server use, a few Windows server editions, some old stock with Vista on 'em and finally a barely significant %age of Linux desktop to round things out. Always assuming he's not including Macs in his total PC numbers, in which case I reckon MacOS comes in vying with XP for 2nd and everything else moves down.

Hey ho, maybe *next* year will be the "year of Linux on the desktop", eh? Ohhh, while I'm at it I might as well predict the "death of COBOL" too.........

Go on Linux fanbois, put on those rose-tinted specs and downvote the shit out of me.

Adobe Reader browse-and-get-pwned 0day under attack

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Happy

@ AndrueC

You mean like the Task Manager on Se7en does if you ask it nicely what that particular "svchost" is doing?

XP types can swap the XP Task Manager for the Sysinternals (now MS TechNet) Process Explorer to get the same functionality, showing the tasks hosted and allowing you to drill down and view the individual threads that it's fired off.

The one being developed on the freshly-Borged other.

China takes HPC heavyweight title

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Coat

Re: most important question.

Of course it can, they're just waiting for the 7,168-way SLi driver to come out......

Microsoft holds Androids hostage in open source wars

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Dead Vulture

About that complete cobblers on iOS.

"Apple has already set the price of an operating system at $0.00"

Bollocks. There's a big difference between not setting a price and setting one at zero.

"No one pays an iOS license fee — well, no one is allowed to, but that's a separate matter."

No, that is not a seperate matter, it's the whole point. Who's to say how much of the price of your stonkingly expensive iOS device is the software license / upgrade assurance and how much is the hardware? Only Apple know and they're not saying, but there's a software license in the box with the thing and it's part of what you paid for. It's quite possible that some of that went on third-party licenses. The only thing missing here is the transparency.

The price per unit of iOS may be zero on their internal books, but I'd be prepared to bet a stack of cash a foot thick that it bloody well isn't.

Boffins mount campaign against France's official kilogramme

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Happy

Re: Sooo...

He wouldn't need to get into some bank vault by devious means, accessing it in the conventional manner will do.

1) Deposit 100 kilos of gold ingots in bank vault. Get receipt for same.

2) Saw 30% off the standard kilo.

3) Withdraw 100 kilos of gold from bank vault.

4) Wait for new kilo definition issue to be resolved.

5) Profit!

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Cleaning the kilo.

As I heard it, there's one elderly bloke allowed to do this. Apparently he knows how to do it without rubbing off any of the actual kilo.

Personally I find the fact that you can currently put a serious crimp in the laws of physics using only Vim and a Brillo pad rather amusing.....

MYSTERY of vanished PARIS spaceplane, playmonaut

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Flame

@Joefish

Careful. We burn heretics round here.

Did ZeuS's daddy give hard Trojan love to rival cybercrook?

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Coat

"...Slavik is no longer reachable for ZeuS-support questions..."

Well if you will use closed-source software, this is one of the risks you are running.

Presumably he wasn't keen on Escrow agreements either?

PARIS HAS LANDED!!! Epic supra-atmos flight ends

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Coat

Directions.

"Wonder why they turned around in San Martin del Valdeiglesias??!?!"

Because some disembodied voice asked them to perform a U-Turn and it was indeed possible?

Vulture One PARIS spaceplane telemetry LIVE ONLINE

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Happy

Chase car.

Do they know something we don't about the actual plane's location, or is it just that the roadside bars have opened in that part of the world?

Vulture One spaceplane NOW AIRBORNE!

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Update please?

I'm sat behind a tw@ter-proof firewall here!

I saw the balloon got to about 88,000 feet and it's now plummeting back to earth, but the plane tracking still seems to be fubar.

Is everything OK?

(Need a "crossed fingers" icon)

Ellison roasts HP chairman for 'absurd lie'

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WTF?

Legal action?

No. There's only one way to resolve this properly.

Get all the main protagonists from Oracle, SAP and HP stripped to the waist in a mud pit and give 'em each a handbag. Last man standing wins.

Notorious Koobface worm ported to Mac OS X

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Happy

Re: Oh no!

Yes, but the standard way of doing this for Windows lusers is to fake an infection report and offer the user a FREE!!!1!111!! Antivirus scanner.

Such a technique would produce reactions of: "Bollocks" and "What the f*** would I want one of those for?" from Mac lusers.

Watch out for popups offering FREE!!!!11!!! nude photos of Steve Jobs......

Hacker almost derailed Mandela election in South Africa

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: please no punch cards

That caused a slight snigger here.

It was the irony in the fact that these days punch cards are, if anything, rather more quaintly archaic than pencil and paper. After all, pencils and paper are still widely in use for other purposes.

Can't remember exactly when it was I last saw a punch card reader, but it was a very long time ago and even then it was a candidate as a museum piece.

Microsoft's Office ribbon hits Mac fans

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Stop

@Tony Batt

I recently ditched Office 2k3 at home in favour of 2010. A certain amount of ribbon-related cursing ensued, but after an hour or so it all clicked.

Now I swear at the bloody awful UI on 2k3 while at work and Sod's Law gets its own back.

I reckon there are two problems here. First is that it appears to be impossible to like both versions at the same time. Second is that 2010 (and presumably 2007) feel "right" with the Win 7 UI. Now I've never tried it, but I reckon it would grate on XP and of course, as nobody in their right mind deployed Vista, that's where most 2k7 installations ended up.

UK border police seize £500k from Nigerians' hand luggage

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Joke

Richard Branson?

Oh, I dunno. I reckon that if I were a Customs officer I wouldn't write him off as not suspicious immediately.

You just couldn't let a "rubber glove" opportunity like *that* go begging. It'd be one of the best times to trot out that amusing bottle of Tabasco sauce with the "aqueous lubricant" label stuck on it, while your colleague cues up a Johnny Cash record on the jolly old gramophone.....

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Thumb Up

'....he replies, quite truthfully "Forged banknotes".'

Gosh! I'll bet the looks on the faces of the customs Froggies that produced was worth every last bit of the hassle caused.

I'd give my eyed teeth to have a been a fly on the wall for that one.

US Army trials robot 'leccy-n-bandwidth war-mules

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Big Red One?

Last I heard they were more usually referred to as the "Toys 'R Us" battalion these days. Something to do with being first up for all the gadgets 'n gizmos.....

Misfiring Kaspersky update reduces servers to a crawl

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Happy

@The Cube

Or Symantec.

I remember laughing like a drain when the pre-launch debate was going on over whether an AMD Phenom X3 was / was not going to be an X4 with a core switched off.

Some wag chimed in with an X3 being an X4 with Norton Internet Security loaded......

LimeWire (finally) dies under judge's gavel

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Thumb Up

Re: Can I say....

Yes you can. I'd spend the entire day sitting here thumping the "upvote" button if I were allowed to.

Sod the music theft^H^H^H^H^Hcopyright infringement*, the best thing about this is that the world's most gaping PC attack vector** has just taken a kick in the nuts.

*Yes I do sometimes pander to petty-minded little pedants. Why do you ask?

**Yup. Beats out Windows itself.

iPhones, MacBooks sicken Chinese women

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Coat

"...the charmingly named Number Five People's Hospital in Suzhou..."

Presumably there's a somewhat less charmingly named Number Two People's Hospital somewhere around there as well?

US raygun jumbo fluffs another test missile-blast attempt

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Happy

Re: ICBMs?

You'd like to think so. That way they might stand an outside chance of hitting the bloody thing while it was on its way.

BlackBerry App World goes online

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Unhappy

Enterprise App Store.

Presumably much the same as an ordinary App store, only instead of fart apps there are copious utilities designed to help you talk out of your own arse.

UK gov vets the vetting process

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Alert

What was that?

"There should be a presumption that people wishing to work or volunteer with children and vulnerable adults are safe to do so unless it can be shown otherwise."

Holy heck! That sounds suspiciously like presuming someone to be innocent until they are proven guilty. Someone in Government said that?

The NuLabour types must have had a collective attack of the vapours seeing that in the press while tucking into their eggy soldiers this morning.

How average is your sex life?

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Coat

"... no ordinary statistics day."

Oh come on! You should know better than to use woolly definitions like that.

Exactly how out of the ordinary was it? How many standard deviations from the mean World Statistics Day are we talking about here?

UK IT projects must pull up socks, says hefty maven

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FAIL

I admire his optimism.

"Failed projects will have an implication on how the public views the government."

Well they've never given a flying fuck to date and I look forward to this entirely sensible change in attitude from the Great Unwashed. Just don't expect me to hold my breath.

"This means the media often has a field day."

Presumably he either means Private Eye or a "media field day" has been extended in scope to include 2 column inches on page 24 and an op-ed article on slow news day.

Google: Street View cars grabbed emails, urls, passwords

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Happy

Re: wired networks

Spot on. WEP - Wired Equivalent Privacy - does exactly what it says on the tin.

Remember the furore recently at some security conference or other, when the organisers said upfront they'd be sniffing the wireless network to prove a point and delegates should watch out for it? Everyone got terribly careful about ensuring that their wireless connections were secured with the latest bum-covering protocols, checked out that any certificates offered were kosher and such. None of which made any bleedin' difference whatsover to the sniffer plugged into the LAN that all the access points were connected to.

I thought they made a terribly good point myself.

Drug-addled scooter twock teen hit with bizarre crypto ban

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Coat

Re: rum, sodomy and the lash.

"PH because I'm pretty sure she's experienced at least 2 of the 3."

PH is teetotal? Who knew?

Obama consults Steve Jobs on making America great again

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Stop

Re: Easy-peasy really

You forgot the most important bit.

Submitting a bill in the next legislative round to ban Flash and Java.....

XP? Thanks for the memories

TeeCee Gold badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: What would the team....etc

I think I speak for all of us when I say the following:

We'll get back to you in a few days when we've stopped pissing ourselves with laughter.

Apple bolts chastity belt on super svelte MacBook Air

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Happy

Screws.

You mean there are people who like to take things apart out there who don't own a bit set with one for each size of every security screw type known to man?

TeeCee Gold badge
Stop

Re: To be fair

I vividly remember the Toshiba offerings of the very early 90's. Those had the charming feature that when you opened them they exploded to double the size, making 'em nigh on impossible to reassemble. The parts physically wouldn't fit into the case unless you were an octopus and able to exert inward force from eight directions at once.

S African rhino rustlers tackled using satellite horn implants

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Joke

GPS.

The first Rhino that tries to walk out of the reserve is going to get the surprise of its life when it hears: "Make a U-Turn if possible" coming from its own nose.....

Google slips $3.1bn through 'Double Irish' tax loophole

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Coat

Re: Anyone else

Ok, I'll bite.........

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Coat

Re: Avoision

George W Bush?

Cinema iPhone pirate escapes jail in test case appeal

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Flame

Re: It will be <etc>

No, the people who should be taken out and shot are those downloading crap from Lime^H^H^H^HTrojanwire. It's the computing equivalent of dropping your kecks, rubbing half a pound of Kerrygold into your arsehole, grabbing your ankles and shouting: "Come and get it" while stood in the showers of the lifers wing of a maximum security prison.

At the very least they should be banned for life from using anything with more processing power than an abacus.

Intrepid Vulture 1 spaceplane pilot arrives at PARIS project

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Badgers

First pic.

Is that a SPAD XIII?

If so, I'm guessing that the original occupant of that cockpit was Eddie Rickenbacker.........do I get a bun?

Adobe Shockwave bitten by code execution bug

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FAIL

Happy zero-day to you

Happy zero-day to you

Happy zero-day dear Adoooooooobeeeeeee

Happy zero-day to you

Mozilla man accuses Jobs of 'bypass the web' scheme

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Happy

Re: Re: Dumber

Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh no it isn't.

Come on everyone, panto season's nearly on us so we might as well get into the swing of things.

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Handbags at dawn.

As the Lord Jobs himself put it when he preached the parable of the App Store unto the faithful: ".....it won't be the only place...."

So Mozilla can still kick out their betas via other means heretical unto the true believers and everyone's happy. Even those who hold to the vile heresy of Safari being not the holiest*.

So what's the issue then? We're down to "some big company's website b0rks browser A", which is so common it doesn't normally merit column inches on slow news day.

*That's holiest as in blessed amongst browsers, not holiest as in full of bloody great holes.

Hackers subvert Firefox security warnings to sling scareware

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FAIL

Fake Flash update pwnage.

First seen back in July? That wouldn't have been some time after Mozilla caused FF to produce a genuine screen saying that users should update their Flash plugin would it? Hmm, September 2009 apparently, so yes it would.

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2009/09/17/firefox_users_with_vulnerable_flash/

At the time Mozilla were bemoaning the fact that only 35% of those prompted to clicked the "download upgrade" link. Presumably they're the same ones who've been pwned since July.

Local Spanish press embrace PARIS

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Coat

@Mike Richards

Careful, you'll have the lads at Debretts onto you there. Epoxy is an aperitif.

Impact Adhesive is a chaser......

TomTom adds Star Wars voices to iPhone app

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Joke

ETA?

<Han Solo>

"We can do the Birmingham run in less than 12 parsecs.........yeah, it didn't make any sense the first time I said it either."

</Han Solo>

Google Android chief smacks Steve Jobs with Linux speak

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Stop

Re: which part of

"also MS was supposed to release a free tool for this??"

You mean MS Security Essentials?

Yes it is indeed free, yes it works and it's actually a bloody site less of a clog than AVG. It also doesn't constantly nag you to go to the all-singing, all dancing, all paid for version. So far it seems to lack the recurring false positives that plagued AVG when I gave it house room for a while.

MS don't crow about it though or offer it as an installation option. I think they're worried about the lawsuit potential inherent in waving this particular flag.

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

@gerryg

Also correct.

Which implies that saying this to the entire world in 140 characters probably wasn't the best approach.

Yes *we* can all understand what that is intended to mean, but I'll bet that the "understanding" of the vast majority of Twitter users was rather different. Considered as a group they're not exactly famed for their collective intelligence or technical prowess.......

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