* Posts by TeeCee

8320 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Ever feel like all your prayers go unheard? The Catholic Church has an app for that

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Coat

Can it install standalone to external storage?

I'd like to plug and pray...

Apple hardware priced so high that no one wants to buy it? It's 1983 all over again

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Re: Limped after Apple II

Maybe there's an important lesson in there somewhere as Audi are the automotive clone of Apple anyway.

Apple make an x86 PC and charge a fortune to stick a fruit logo on it.

Audi make a Volkswagen and charge a fortune to stick four rings on it.

Friday fun fact: If Stegosauruses had space telescopes, they wouldn't have seen any rings around Saturn

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Re: Oops

Same way sharks use lasers?

The Iceman cometh, his smartwatch told the cops: Hitman jailed after gizmo links him to Brit gangland slayings

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Meh

Re: "Massey died in a fusillade of bullets"

It's working well. If we get shot by a crook over here, we can now be sure it was with an illegal bullet rather than only probably an illegal one.

I guess this is supposed to make us feel better about it?

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

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Re: I can believe it!

where the author of the BOFH stories genuinely was the VAX operator

What gave the game away? Mousetraps in the pidgeonholes?

I'm just not sure the computer works here – the energy is all wrong

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Facepalm

Re: No interference?

Bonus points if it doesn't have a UL (or CE) mark.

I take it you've not heard of the "China Export" marking which, by sheer coincidence, is identical to the EU's CE mark...

New Horizons snaps finish buffering: Ultima Thule actually two dust bunnies that got snuggly 4.5 billion years ago

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75 baud on an honest-to-god teletype when I was at college. If you got use of the VDU you could entice it to the dizzy heights of 300 post connection. That felt bloody quick at the time(!)

Woe betide he who neglected to reset the sodding thing on disconnection, as a subsequent connection attempt would shit all over the modem at the other end and oblige an operator at the Poly to manually reset it. This invariably resulted in a formal complaint and a witch hunt for the culprit.

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

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Re: took the day off

That'll be cyear from the ctime library with a hard-coded century tacked on. Somewhere there'll be a mouldering set of code comments to the effect that this needs reviewing before 2000.

I remember that, come Y2K, the fact that cyear is the number of years since 1900 turned out to be one of those things that a lot of people didn't know and just assumed it was the two-digit year...oops.

Most high-profile one I found on the glorious day was the US Naval Observatory's clock on the web merrily showing the year as 100...

Chill, it's not WikiLeaks 2: Pile of EU diplomatic cables nicked by hackers

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Meh

Ok, who's up for a test?

Need a volunteer to read the whole lot, then sit through the film "Watching Paint Dry" and tell us which was more interesting.

Hole-y ship: ISS 'nauts take a wander to crack Soyuz driller whodunnit

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Re: Bah!

why wasn't it filled the proper way

The usual reason, it has to be ready by tomorrow or we miss the deadline and piss off the management. Or, put another way; "Is ready now, or gulag for you".

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

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Missed a trick.

Tickets come with a Target Resolution Time. To avoid a breach and the associated hassle from management, merely get the user to admit that whatever they're winging about is causing a problem and then convert the ticket to a problem. Problems have no TRT and can be safely allowed to moulder in peace.

3ve Offline: Countless Windows PCs using 1.7m IP addresses hacked to 'view' up to 12 billion adverts a day

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Re: Just a thought but

I'm sure that Google's ad contract has something in it that says no.

Eg: "Blah, blah, waffle, bollocks, bollocks, we've got better lawyers, tough shit".

Groundhog Day comes early as Intel Display Drivers give Windows 10 the silent treatment

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Facepalm

Barking up the wrong tree.

The problem borks audio from affected PCs, with playback from screens connected via HDMI, USB-C or Display Port silenced for some users.

Actually this happens quite readily on certain machines with no Intel graphics and with the sound provided directly from an on-board Realtek chipset, so I call bollocks on their version of events.

Methinks MS are blamestorming this one...

Holy moley! The amp, kelvin and kilogram will never be the same again

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Kibble balance?

So, the new standard is actually based on American pet food?

Dutch cops hope to cuff 'hundreds' of suspects after snatching server, snooping on 250,000+ encrypted chat texts

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Re: Sending a message

Then again, finding who you missed via the simple task of identifying the various corpses sounds a lot easier than actual detective work.

Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

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Hint.

When you're flicking the bean it's you going "Woo Hoo", not a ghost.

T-Mobile owner sends in legal heavies to lean on small Brit biz over use of 'trademarked' magenta

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Must be a German thing.

Some years ago I was chatting to a bloke whose business was painting aeroplanes.

He told me that some bunch who had their fleet done in yellow were obliged to have the whole lot repainted at phenomenal cost.

The yellow they chose turned out to be close enough to Deutsche Post yellow for some rapacious legal trolls to spot an opportunity for profit.

Second wave of Spectre-like CPU security flaws won't be fixed for a while

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Delayed disclosure.

Or, in other words :

"As a best practice, we continue to encourage everyone to keep their systems up-to-date, as long as we get to define what 'up-to-date' means."

AI crisis: Sony reports shortage of cute robot puppies!

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Re: UK sales

Oh. Stuff that then.

Commodore 64 owners rejoice: The 1541 is BACK

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Easy. Just save to any tape system, unspool the tape, stretch it and then wind the result back onto its spools.

Subsequent attempts to read the data will provide a perfect emulation.

Yes, British F-35 engines must be sent to Turkey for overhaul

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FAIL

Well that's just great.

Outsourcing defence contracts to a country already halfway toward becoming yet another third-world theocratic shithole.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

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Maybe, but it's still not much of a challenge when every draw gives you all 52 cards simultaneously.

What does the Moon 4bn years ago and Yahoo! towers this week have in common? Both had an awful atmosphere

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On the bright side for Yahoo!

It doesn't seem that it's going to take them anywhere near 3.5 billion years to get rid of the bad atmosphere and become a barren, lifeless wasteland.

Java security plagued by crappy docs, complex APIs, bad advice

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Facepalm

SO + Java =

Write once, exploit everywhere.

For Facebook, ignorance is the business model: Social net is shocked – SHOCKED – that people behave badly

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Re: How many people believe Sheryl?

.... neutral publisher protection.

The dumbest idea in a long history of dumb ideas. Do nothing and get away with everything or do your best and get royally screwed for what you missed.

What steaming moron came up with that idea?

AWS can now bill us if you read this far. This bit will cost us, too

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“Per-second billing obviates the need for this extra layer of instance management....

Er, bollocks.

It doesn't matter how granular the billing is, if you're using it when you don't really need to it's still money down the crapper.

Cognitive Services, Clippy? AI's silent infiltration of Microsoft's Office stack

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Happy

Without cognitive Clippy:

"I see you're trying to XYZ. Would you like help with that?"

"Fuck off".

With cognitive Clippy:

.....

(as Clippy works out the question, correctly predicts the response and decides to STFU).

So an AI Clippy would indeed be an improvement.

Rowhammer RAM attack adapted to hit flash storage

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WTF?

Re: Google Didn't find it

Odd really, considering that Google's core business is, er, finding things...

Particle boffins show off 'cheap', cute little CosI, world's smallest neutrino detector

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Meh

"Sizes for working neutrino detectors might continue getting smaller."

No prizes for guessing what's on the feature list of the next iWatch then?

Grab a fork! Unravelling the Internet of Things' standards spaghetti

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Facepalm

Just switch it on and watch it connect...

...to a bent server in Russia.

Time-rich netizens marshall ballot-stuffing bots against... Radio Times contest

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Alert

Re: "Internet ballot-stuffing has existed for as long as Rickrolling, if not longer"

Actually, ballot stuffing has been around rather longer than the internet.

All the internet has done is make it easier and less likely for the culprits to be caught...

Microsoft hits new low: Threatens to axe classic Paint from Windows 10

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WTF?

You mean to say that there are people out there who haven't already ditched it in favour of the free and vastly superior Paint.NET?

Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

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Alert

Re: So instea of a phone with a case with a wallet area in it...

...a beltknife...

All these things sound like a great idea, until you accidently cut off your own goolies in a trouser-fastening accident.

Amazon may still get .amazon despite govt opposition – thanks to a classic ICANN cockup

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Meh

Re: A (not so Swiftian) modest proposal.

Ok you try and find something[1] that hasn't got some piece of geography somewhere on the planet sharing the name...

[1] Ok, something that's an actual word and not some strategy boutique generated[2] brand name.

[2] Same effect as pulling letters at random from a scrabble bag, only much more expensive.

€100 'typewriter' turns out to be €45,000 Enigma machine

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Alert

Re: The excuse note I typed on it came out all weird

Aha! That explains the flood of ten quid keys on eBay.

ISTR that someone built a Colossus replica....

Kerberos bypass, login theft bug slain by Microsoft, Linux slingers

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Facepalm

I think that the weasel word there is "independently".

That's "independently" as in: "We never even looked at your code, this is a completely home-grown implementation of the defined standards.", delivered with a straight face and fingers crossed behind back.

Sysadmin bloodied by icicle that overheated airport data centre

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Re: Welcome to the UK

...something called 'building inspectors'....

Or "blind, incompetent idiots" as everyone else calls them.

You want to really fuck something up? Get the quality control done by public sector staff.

BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

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I'd go with Pterodactyl repellent, to prevent some smart-arsed luser from ${place_where_armadillos_come_from} raising a ticket.

Men charged with theft of free newspapers

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Happy

Eh?

...said to have pinched bundles of the London Evening Standard...

I didn't realise that stupidity and bad taste were crimes. This is good news.

For a start, Simon Cowell is going down for hard time...

'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

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Meh

PS/2 Model 70 luggable. The computing equivalent of a briefcase full of housebricks.

A great cost saver, as carrying one of those around meant you never needed to pay gym membership.

Your emotionally absent pic-snapping partner's going to look you in the eye again

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Happy

Re: Why would anyone want one of these?

Actually there is a serious purpose.

The rest of us will be able to spot Snapchat lusers much more easily and save us having to find out that they're a twat the hard way.

Britain's on the brink of a small-scale nuclear reactor revolution

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Consumption "hotspots".

An obvious one here is motorway service stations. That way there might be a chance of charging all those electric cars. once the fast recharge problem is cracked, without having to splurge trillions of quid on grid upgrades.

Uber found to be doing something awful? Yep, it's Tuesday

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Facepalm

Spot the lie.

"We are committed to paying every driver every penny they are owed.........as quickly as possible,"

Actually, as you have this problem, you very obviously aren't.

Rich professionals could be replaced by AI, shrieks Gartner

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One question:

If we replaced all the lawyers with emotionless, rigid, unsympathetic robotic jobsworths, how would we tell the difference?

User loses half of a CD-ROM in his boss's PC

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Alert

...found a thick yellow cable in the way .... so he'd cut it...

Back in the day, a mate worked as an operator for a concern with a warehouse and IT suite out west of London and an office in the West End. They lost all the leased lines connecting the two simultaneously.

Turned out that a BT voice engineer had come across a set of fat cables that were "in the way" and not on his plans when working down a hole in the road somewhere between the two sites.

Bullyboy Apple just blew a $500m hole in our wallet, cries Qualcomm

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Facepalm

"We've been trying to reach a licensing agreement with Qualcomm for more than five years but they have refused to negotiate fair terms..."

Translation:

"God alone knows what they're smoking, but Qualcomm expect us to pay them. This isn't the way we do things at Apple, where we expect other companies to just be fucking grateful that their shitty technology is allowed into our wonderful products."

iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

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Facepalm

@Apple's legal team.

Well done lads, have a banana.

(Oops, your heads seem to have exploded.)

Hyundai app security blunder allowed crooks to 'steal victims' cars'

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Facepalm

Yes....but....

Now imagine a similar vulnerability being discovered in about eight years' time.

Is it fixable on the older kit? Probably not.

Is the manufacturer going to bother trying to fix it on something that old? Definitely not.

Does that make it any less serious? No.

With it not being fixed, does that make it more likely that someone will build on it to find a way of compromising the vehicle's controls? Yes.

And there you have it. The reason why the concept of the "connected car" needs to be banned. Now. It won't be of course. Government surveillance and data harvesting opportunities trump a mind-numbingly obvious lethal risk every time.

Anyone buying a car with these features needs their bumps felt.

Not the droids you're looking for – worst handsets to resell

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Stop

Re: I don't trust their results

I've never heard of ANY car depreciating even remotely that fast.

You've never heard of the Citroen XM? That had depreciation rates that make the purchase of a Q50 sound like an investment opportunity.

BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

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Meh

Re: Being on a placement myself...

....you can't possibly be any good because you're at university post 2000's and apparently that's an issue?

Hmm. That would be about when the world changed so that every job spec from bog-cleaner upwards suddenly required a degree. This in turn changed the majority of Universities from educational establishments catering to exceptional students into certificate farms for the proles.

Then, just in case the dumbing down hadn't gone far enough, we got a shitload of political meddling thrown into the process to ensure that every University, regardless of standards, was obliged to join the race to the bottom. Presumably this to ensure that there is a large enough workforce with a degree qualifying them as turd-scrubbers to keep the HR box-tickers happy.

I call fair comment.

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